Original subtitles

I'm so excited our daddies are going to meet. I am so excited we're going to the

Burger Barn. My dad and I always have a burger eating contest.

Hey, little dude. Little dudette.

Listen, I'm really sorry. I got a bail on the Burger Barn. I got a big -time

investment meeting for Peking Wanton Gardens Couriers. All right, see ya.

Whoa!

Investment meeting?

I thought we were going to invest in deliciousness.

Honeybee, Wilder, I have to cancel the Burger Barn.

Call my assistant to rebook. I have an investment meeting.

Love you, baby.

OMG, do you know what that means?

Yeah. Now me and you are going to have to have a burger eating contest.

It's like you'll ever beat me.

Three, two, one.

Oh, wait.

Our dads are probably meeting to have a burger eating contest without

us.

Close enough.

I need to get out and hang out with my friends, find out what's new, just

practicing on who, and who's bad for what's new.

It's so cold to sleep in the pages of my...

your dad is ready for daddy's negotiations, he'll totally use his

stare. Put that thing away.

It's made grown men cry.

My dad once made someone cry with laughter.

He blew up a balloon with his nose and then passed out.

He's not going to do that in a meeting, is he?

No. Unless it goes really well and your dad deserves a treat.

That's not really what I meant.

Oh, right.

Balloons and business.

Separate. Good call.

Yeah, um, I gotta go, uh, off to juggling class.

Amanda goes to juggling class, too?

How come I've never seen her there?

Hey,

hey, hey, weird.

Hmm.

Michael, doesn't Toast look like Jasmine Richards to you?

How did you do it? The magic of heating coils, my friend.

I don't know.

Who knew we had a Jasmine Richards machine in our midst the entire time?

It's a toast, Michael.

Toast? Or wizardry?

Toast. Or wizardry? Toast.

Or? Toast.

Toast. It's wizardry. Toast. Wizardry.

Great news, Rebecca.

You're doubling my workload?

Uh, maybe.

Boss man suggested that you just might be the one to replace me as editor in

future.

Me?

Replace you?

What?

In the future?

After high school, university, and when I retire to my beach home with Dex

Cobra.

Don't tell Shepard that last part.

Probably best if I don't tell anyone that last part. That's my girl.

Anyway, for the next few days, I'll be out here mentoring you. We're going to

make a great team.

Does this have anything to do with Mr. Pierce taking over the office for this

week?

Yeah. But I also wanted to help you. Let's start in, say, 30 minutes.

Can you make it 45?

If I'm next in line to run this place, I'm going to have to buy a pantsuit.

See you then!

Toast! They all look like toast!

You have failed me again, toaster. If it matters that much to you, you can have

my Jasmine toast.

Really? I can't wait to show everybody.

Jasmine Richards, the first lady of television on my toast.

Oh, man, the happiest day of my life.

Mine, too.

Now I get to play Let's Throw Toast at Wilder.

Daddy,

I'm worried about your meeting with Big Wilder.

Oh, honey bee, I've had thousands of these meetings.

I could sell balloons to a porcupine colony. In fact, in 1985, I did.

Porcupalooza 85.

You've never met Big Wilder. He's super chill and he has his own cool lingo.

Honey, when I was young, you'd be impressed to know I was atheist.

You need this more than I thought.

Video game?

Seed board magazine and a list of cool words to learn.

That shirt is bananas?

Thanks, Daddy. Yours isn't.

So what else could you tell me about this Big Wilder?

He's just like Wilder, but big.

So you're telling me that Big Wilder is like a Big Wilder?

What a guest.

Are you mocking me? Because Big Wilder never does that.

So, do I have this on right?

Boy, do I have my work cut out for me.

Let the Glee List toast bidding begin.

You put the toast on Glee List? Who's going to pay money for that?

Toasties is what you call celebrity toast hounds.

It's not the only thing you call them.

See?

339 celebrity toast listings. That's 113 BLTs.

You knew brown pieces of bread that vaguely resemble famous people were such

collector's items.

Oh, they are. And some go for a lot of money.

Oh, I can see it now.

Michael Theodore Davies.

Celebrity toast tycoon.

Good luck with the bids, buddy.

This is supposed to make me rich.

Or should I say, Jasmine Richards.

I probably shouldn't.

Hey, my first bid. One cent from...

Noah Jackson thinks Michael Davies is ridiculous 87?

Your negativity won't hold back my tycoonery.

Huh, yeah.

See that?

That's the sound of tycoonery.

Little dude, you want a bite?

Roast beef with cheese and lettuce.

Up top.

No! Bad dad!

This is the kind of thing you can't do with Mr. Pierce. He's a serious

businessman. So am I.

He wears a suit and tie.

My shoelaces are tied.

No, they're not.

Well, they're in my shoes. Close enough.

Dad, Mr. P is next level, which means you have to be next level. The levels

to match.

Don't worry.

I'll set my level to awesome. That matches everything.

Here. I brought you a briefcase, a magazine, and a book.

Dressed like me by Mr. Eugene Winslow Pierce?

Wisdom from the man himself.

Apparently your pants have to go all the way to your feet when you're a

businessman. What?

Why? I don't know. I haven't got to that chapter yet.

Thought I got rid of them all.

Curse knowing his toast -throwing ways.

Hi, boss man. I'm here with Rebecca Harper.

Psyched, hyped, pumped, and bumped to have you on the team, Rabizzle. Any fab

and fresh ideas?

Come on, hit me.

Go ahead, Rebecca. This is your chance.

Well, I was thinking we could move the horoscopes to the first page.

People flip their first anyway.

I'm reading my horoscope, and it says, a new idea will excite you.

Ha, first time at bat, and it's a home run.

Come on, what else, what else, what else? Well, this month we're featuring

do's and don'ts on a budget. I have another idea. The kid comes out swinging

from the fences.

Let's make on a budget a regular feature.

Kids aren't made of money.

She knows her biology, too. I love it. DJ, you with me?

I think it's a great idea. I'm just worried that... She loves it. We'll have

something for you by the end of the day.

All righty -roo. Well, off to another call. Busy guy, you know.

That's why they call me the boss man.

Hey -o!

We'll brainstorm ideas for the budget column in an hour.

You better get some coffee. This is going to be a long night.

Attention, attention.

I, Michael Davies, just made 50 bucks selling the jasmine toast on Glee List.

And you said no one would buy it.

50 bucks, not bad.

You know, to be fair, we should probably split the profits. After all, I did

make the toast.

More like mock the toast. And you gave it to me fair and square. I'm not giving

you a dime.

Wait.

60 -40, that's my final offer.

I hope so, because I'm getting tired of listening to you. And I'm afraid there's

only room for one on the Jasmine Toast Goldmine Express.

Come on.

No!

If you guys are trying to make me a snack, you're doing it all wrong.

Get up.

Do you think people will pay 50 bucks for Jasmine Toast soaked in coffee?

With no understanding of what you're saying, the answer is no.

You just lost me 50 bucks.

What? It's surprisingly tasty.

Yeah, that was made four hours ago and handled by at least seven people.

Business, man. Business, man.

Business. Yo, yo, yo!

Greetings, Mr. Pierce.

What up, Mr. Big?

Uh, Wilder.

So, dude, we got a big deal to negotiate.

Uh, bro?

I think you'll find my proposal well thought out and very viable.

Whoa, some dope figures here, hombre.

And your projections are bananas.

Like your shirt.

You know, full of potassium.

Sir, you seem to be taking this negotiation very lightly with your

and unkempt attire. Well, that's how I roll, dog. You know, 100 % canine.

Like it's canine, 100 % chill.

I think you need a sharp reduction in that percentage.

I take this seriously.

No, no, too seriously.

You need to relax.

Loosen your tie.

Unbutton your shirt a little bit.

You know, this remind me of the tie.

I sold balloons to a porcupine. Now, see, the porcupines may be prickly, but

they sure know how to have a good time.

Sir,

you are not giving this matter the attention it deserves.

I bid you good day. I'm not going to let you get all up in my chill zone. I am

walking out on you dramatically. I'm walking out on you abruptly.

Daddy's assistant was up all night calming Daddy down.

A meeting could not have gone worse.

They could have had a food fight.

No, that would have made it better. Could tension release her. So what

I might have coached Daddy to talk to your dad in words he'd understand.

What is that supposed to mean?

It's kind of words you'd understand by the time most men become daddies.

They've given up on air guitar and popping wheelies. That's because they

dad will put them to shame with his extreme souls and bike trickery.

But can he run a business?

Better than someone who uses the words bananas.

I think my dad proved himself last night that he can handle himself in a

meeting. Please. You're telling me you had nothing to do with the Pierce brand

power suit that he wore?

I knew it. You talked to your dad, too. I told him how uptight the Pierces are.

Well, I told Daddy Big Wilder he's as goofy as his son.

I'd like to stay.

I think it's getting a little stuffy in here.

Well, I'd like to stay, but I think it's getting a little goofy in here.

Look, I'm sorry I ruined your jasmine toast, but here I made you a new one.

Honestly, you had all night?

And a picture and a piece of tape was the best you could come up with? I think

you're overestimating the amount of effort I put into this. I didn't have to

give you that toast in the first place.

So this is your apology?

It was a little hostile, but yes, at least I tried.

You didn't. I wasn't going to pay 50 bucks for a picture stuck to a piece of

bread.

Yeah, because that's ridiculous.

You put all the advertisements up front?

Well, after the horoscopes, of course. Can't mess with that brilliant idea.

I think it's less distracting.

I'm sure our advertisers would love to be described as a distraction.

DJ, let's not forget whose horoscope idea Boss Ben liked.

He liked mine, just in case he did forget.

You have facing pages with figures posed the same way. This is not how a

magazine should look.

Look, I'm sorry to do this to you, kiddo, but you're going to have to put

back the way we had it and send it out.

I think this looks great.

I'm here to pick up the book for the next issue.

Here you go.

Don't worry.

Boss Man liked all my other ideas.

He'll love this one.

I care so little about this job. You'll be lucky if he even gets this.

Hey, DJ, I got a pack.

Uh, Big Wilder, what can I help you with? Uh, that's okay. I'll just check

DJ. She's really normally the one who... I'm warning you, Wilder. See on your

side of the office.

Why does your side have the bathroom and the kitchen? I use those more than

anyone here. And by here, I mean hers.

Maybe I'll just stay inside here for now. We can, uh...

We can play a game if you want, you know, like Parcheesi or checkers or Old

Maid. Well, the only thing I've been able to find in this office is awards

chocolates.

DJ knows how to party.

So, how was your day?

Just the usual.

Crushing the competition.

Dealing with my troublesome teenager.

You have that, too?

Sometimes it's like troublesome teen. It's harder to figure out than the times

tables.

I always get stuck on the 7.

I imagine you do.

It seems no matter how hard I try, my little girl keeps moving further and

further away.

It was the same with me and my dad. I kept moving further away. I mean, first

was just down the hall. Then it was across town. Soon, a whole new city.

I'm moving.

Thank you for that extremely relevant story.

Walter, I need the elevator.

It's no longer the elevator. It's my kitchen.

One grilled cheese going down.

We really should do something. Yeah.

Let's look for Parcheesi. It's got to be around here somewhere.

No, no. I had a different idea.

Chocolate it is. Let's get this party started.

Yeah.

The ads in the book are all front loaded. And there were two models facing

same way.

What's the dilly, DJ?

I'm sorry, Boss Man. It was a mistake and we'll fix it.

I know. The book's already on its way, Bizak.

Boss Man out.

What do you have to say for yourself?

Well, I stopped myself from correcting Bizak.

You don't say nice, Rebecca.

I'm sorry, DJ.

I guess I'm just more up on industry trends than you and Boss Man are.

Excuse me? When I was in Paris, all of the magazines front -loaded their ads.

It's all the rage.

Unless you see the Eiffel Tower out that window, switch the pages back now.

What's this?

It's Richard's jasmine tea.

Are we even now? Even? You're not even trying.

In my defense, I'm not very good at trying.

For instance, this is the best one I could come up with.

Look, I'm sorry the toast got wrecked, but it's a piece of toast.

I don't get why you're so hung up on the celebrity junk. Nobody cares about

this. You know what?

People do care.

Hundreds of people looked at my Glee list post, and one was willing to pay

for that toast. Just because your obsession with music is cooler than my

obsession with celebrity doesn't make it better.

You should have some Richard's Jasmine tea. It's very calming.

I guess you won, DJ.

The magazine's back to normal.

Good.

Just so you know, I wasn't making up the ad thing.

A lot of magazines in Europe do it. Rebecca, I know.

You do?

Of course. I subscribe to magazines from all over the world. Why do you think my

first year on the job, I thought Buzz should have an all -clog issue?

That was going to be my next idea.

They're huge in Holland. They are, but we're not in Holland, are we?

I'm sorry, DJ.

I don't know why I was being so disrespectful.

I think I do.

Teenage girls need someone to rebel against.

When I was your age, I drove my mom up the wall.

Your mom?

Really? I did things all the time just to make her mad.

I think you're doing the same thing.

I guess.

I never even thought about it.

I'm actually touched that if your mom isn't here, you choose me to test your

boundaries with.

So, what would you do after a big fight with your mom?

Well... She'd tell me how to fix things.

And then she'd do this.

She said it was getting goofy in here. After you said it was getting stuffy in

here?

Zero creativity.

I know.

It's goofy in here is way funnier than it's stuffy in here. Far more creative.

I know.

Mr. Pierce, we meet again.

Mr. Wilder, I've come to a decision.

We can't do business together.

You're right, I'm too uptight for you. No, no, no, no. Okay, it was partly my

fault. I'm way too out there to make a business agreement work.

Best of luck.

Enjoy your bike trickery.

Thank you. Enjoy your hostile takeovers.

Merge, my friend.

Merge. But, Teddy, don't you see?

Big Walter being so out there is what makes his business plan so dynamic.

And Mr. P's common sense and full pants can balance you out.

You're like the perfect partners.

Just belong together like mustard and ketchup.

Like... She was in handbags.

Like us.

Deal's on?

Deal's on.

Deal's on.

Hey, hey.

Let's keep this professional.

So who's uptight now?

It's still me.

Don't even think about it.

Hey, Michael.

I'm here to make a real apology.

About time.

I'm sorry.

You were right, and now it's obnoxious. As usual.

I'm going to let that one go, because I owe you.

But I think I found a way to make it up to you, though.

What'd you do?

Filkscreen Jasmine Richards' picture on a piece of toast?

Or did you let mold form on a piece of toast in her image?

Yes, that's infinity!

Jasmine Richards!

Hello, Michael Babies.

First boy celebrity gossip.

I can't believe you're actually here. Fan fiction does come true.

This totally makes up for you dropping my jasmine toast in DJ's coffee.

So that's why you made me dress up as a piece of toast.

Yeah, I can't believe you didn't ask till now. You really are dedicated to

fans. Yes, I am.

I'm also a huge celebrity toast collector.

You are?

And why wouldn't you be? It's only the coolest obby ever.

Have you seen some of the Kelly Clarkson toasts? I like.

Dean, I have one in my collection. Do you want me to go and get it? Only if I

can buy you a smoothie. You sure can, fellow toasty.

I'll just go grab the toast from my car.

I've always dreamed one day I could show off my collection.

This is almost as cool as working with the Jonas Brothers.

So what do you think?

I wonder if it's possible to throw her a wilder.

This one?

is my pumper, Nick Jonas.

It's autographed. I not only collect celebrity baked goods, I also name them.

This is director Peeta Jackson.

Is that?

Matt Danish and Bun Affleck. Yep.

This is amazing.

Who else do you have? A guy who was so negative. You sure are into this.

There's a multigrain exhibit at the Toast Cesarium. Let's go there now.

Hey.

Rye and Gosling. Hey, can I use this for show and tell?

Looks like it's just me and Jack Whitebread alone on a Friday night.

We'll jam.