Original subtitles

Really getting into Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew, huh? Why wasn't it

written in English?

Well, it was, but... Really? Because my dome is triple -kick flipping trying to

figure out this bonkers wordplay.

I think I can make it easier for you. Dude, you're going to write my paper for

me? See, you're a good buddy. No, I'll get people at the bus to... Get together

and write my paper for me. No, to explain Taming of the Shrew, there's no

scenario where anyone writes your paper for you. Someone for friendship.

Well, enjoy this, though.

I like to start my stories off.

It wasn't true.

So sad, but it's true.

The guys would all run away, hide or scream.

They didn't know how she'd get a foe. So they tried to play low.

She's an angry teen.

She's the kind of girl you've never seen.

Don't take this place.

We're doing it the modern way.

There's a girl who's so sweet. All boys wanna meet. And we were right off of her

feet.

Boss man gave me four tickets to tonight's Elizabethan ball.

What a peach.

One look at her and I'm wrecked.

Her eyes, her lips. Down, boy. By the time you get to her elbows, one of those

yows would have asked her out. And you'll be stuck at home watching Haggis

Patrol on TV.

Get!

I like the way you think, good man.

My maiden, my ticket.

Excuse me.

Wait till he hears one of Rebecca's stories.

Nice eyes and sweet lips can't hide that kind of boring.

Excuse me, coming through, guy who won the date. Thank you.

I've never been to a real ball.

Me neither. I was wondering when I get to wear my pantaloons.

We need to talk.

Sure. Noah, could you excuse us? No problem. I'm going to walk around and

now. Yeah!

About this Elizabethan ball. I can't wait. I'm going with Noah. Hot date,

five.

Speaking of hot dates, Amanda could really use a nice night out. Maybe you

could double date. But Amanda hates dates.

I often call it the Spanish war.

Oh, Amanda's not that bad.

You think my blouse is neat? It's a one of a kind original. How dare you call it

neat? Who am I kidding?

She's been in total shrew lately.

I have had five people quit because of her, and that's just the day.

So, unless you get Amanda a date, you're not going at all.

Horrible news.

I can't go to the ball unless Amanda has a date, too.

Aw, any guy would be happy to take out a girl as pretty as Amanda.

Hello? Day four? I'm having a bad day. It's been over three jesters and a crate

of rotten tomatoes.

Get out of my way!

Yeah, sometimes pretty isn't enough on its own.

Am I right? Christopher Marlowe was seen on the town with a woman who wasn't his

witch.

Ando, can't wait to get this to the town crier.

You're wasting your wit on commoners.

Maybe you should use it on Amanda when you take her to the Elizabethan ball.

teratine bus?

I'd rather date the paper shredder.

This morning when I reached for a blueberry muffin, she bit my hand.

Bit my hand.

Well, then at least help me find someone to take Amanda, or I can't take

Rebecca. Very well.

But where are you going to find a poor slob crazy enough to take her?

That's good.

Good. Shall I compare thee to a summer sausage?

Thou art more juicy and more succulent. Mmm, baby.

You ask him. Go. I will. But only because I have such a deep love for

scheming.

Hey, Wilder.

Looking good.

Do you always eat with your mouth open?

And in your shirt.

We have a proposition for you. If it has anything to do with sharing my

lemonade, then no way.

We want you to go to the Elizabethan ball.

Will I have to dress up or bathe? No.

Okay, yes, but it's probably something you should be doing anyway.

And you get to dance and there's a tent course feast.

Sweet. And it is almost time for my yearly bath.

Great. Starts today. And you'll be taking Amanda to the House of Pierce.

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Amanda?

Yeah. I may not be that bright, but I'm more enough not to woo a shrew.

Deal's off.

We need to find something to offer Wilder to make him go.

Well, what?

Aw.

Did you think I was ignoring you, you silly, scrumptious sweetie?

I would never.

I love you.

Burger box. Burger box.

Come on! Get out of there!

Hold? I don't hold for anybody but the queen.

And even then, she better have a good reason, like a beheading.

What? Pick up or scram, sister.

Um, I was just wondering that maybe instead of going door -to -door scaring

children, you might want to come play football.

Why would I want to go to some ball with you?

to get him pointed at all the dweebs who think you're hot.

No. And besides, I can do that here.

Hey there.

Love is not love, which alters when its alteration finds or bends with... Beat

it, dweeb!

It'll be fun.

You can get dressed up, dance, hear good music. And I'll have new people to yell

at. It might be fun.

Yeah, about that.

You might want to be nicer to people.

Especially boys.

You'll be going with one to the ball.

You're being too mean.

Look at me.

I'm nice, and I have a boyfriend.

I'm nice, and I have a boyfriend.

If I have to act like a know -it -all goody -two -shoes to get a date, it's

worth it.

She's not all that, you know.

Oh, dearest.

What do you milk -livered measles want?

We want to talk about Amanda again. You know we're only friends a pony, right? A

pony! And the ponies only eat it for the head.

Look, you take Amanda, I'll get you to take the ravishing Rebecca. Come on,

her brother out.

I can't take her.

Our families have a long -running feud, and the Capulets have forbidden me to

date her.

Uh, wrong play.

Okay, if I'm going to take this little crab cake, I'm going to need a mutton

chop the size of my head, pantaloons made out of bubble wrap, and wait, the

flying and the eating kind. We can offer you 20 burger bucks.

Deal!

Now, that's done.

I want to go to some stupid ball.

Hon, it's time you did some good for Buzz and yourself.

Go, there'll be cool boys there.

And you look like all that and a sack of rose fruit.

Do kids still say that anymore?

They used to. Now they're avoiding it like the Black Plague.

Give me one reason why I should go.

Can't you think of one reason why you might want to go to the ball?

I guess sometimes I wonder what it might be like to kiss a boy.

If he wiped his filthy mouth.

Look, it's not that hard.

You could start by smiling more.

Okay. How's this?

I've come to ask the lovely lady, Amanda.

That's a wizard mug if I ever saw one. And I've hung it with those three hags

from Macbeth. You told me to smile.

Like a girl, not a meek.

Burger buck.

Burger buck. Burger buck.

Amanda, would you care to dance with a dashing dude?

Sure. Know any? I know more than you. I collect friends the way you collect

enemies. And I collect enemies the way you collect fleas. Well, I collect fleas

the way you collect something like fleas. Something worse than fleas. You

no idea what we're talking about anymore, do you?

Never did.

Can we get back to the ball, please?

I shall take Amanda.

I never said yes! But you never said no. Pick you up at eight, and no need to

bring that smile. Just put it back in its cage and feed it.

Flourish. An exit.

Hey, Michael.

You okay not going tonight?

Please. Sounds like a yawn fest.

Oh, I don't know. The Elizabethan ball has the best swag in all the land. Oh,

and the Verona Brothers are performing.

Well, swag in Verona Brothers?

Sounds like a Sunday with two scoops of amazing.

I've got to go.

Since I'm not taking that battle axe, Amanda, I'll steal Noah's date instead.

Man, people talk to themselves a lot back in Shakespearean times.

Rebecca!

Becky! The Becketh!

Listen, I've had some time to think. That's never a good thing.

I find it odd that you're not taking me to the ball tonight. We are BFFs. But

I've also got a BF, which trumps a BFF for dates.

Besides, you go to these things all the time. Yeah, it's no biggie, but... Good.

I'll let you know how it goes. Give you one of my recaps.

Your recaps take longer than the actual event, so no, just take me.

Michael, what's going on?

For when the brothers are going to be there, the free stuff is to die for.

Just be a good friend. Dump your man and take me.

Sorry, Michael. I'm taking Noah and that's that.

If you don't take me, I'll tell Amanda that Wilder's only going with her for a

free burger buck.

You wouldn't dare.

Play nice now.

There's only room for one shrew around here.

And I believe that position has been filled.

Oh, Rebecca.

How'd Noah take not going to the ball?

He's, um, pretty cool without going, actually.

I cannot wait to show off my Tinternell dance.

Tinternell? Well, he certainly seems cool with not going. I guess you didn't

Tinter -tell him yet.

Tell him what?

Bobble went big at archery?

How's it Rebecca?

Have the pleasure.

Uh, I, um, uh, he, he just, he wants... Ah, Rebecca.

In so many words.

I can't go to the ball with you anymore.

Oh, man, who'd you kiss this time?

It's not like that. I have to go with Michael. He said he'd tell Amanda about

your burger buck vibe if I didn't. I don't believe this. I know.

What a little weasel. No, I mean you going along with it.

I'm sorry, Noah. I didn't... Forget it. At least you two are just friends, so

you won't smooch it up like you did with that moody Danish prince.

It was on top of the Elfnor Castle under the full moon at midnight.

To be or not to be lame.

Well, what portions have I drunk of siren tears distilled from?

I didn't kiss you. Stop puckering up.

Pre -eating, huh?

That's classy.

And smart. The buffet runs out five hours into these things, so you have to

up.

Here, I got you one of these flour things.

Oh.

Here, let me take care of that mustard.

I've never used one of those before. It really makes the sleeve useless.

You're all cleaned up now.

So, you really up for this? Taking the terror of teen buzz?

Why not? Besides, only Michael calls you that.

You beast! You boy! You baboon!

It was a burp, a belch, a boo -boo. I can't stand the sight of you. You can't

stand not kissing me. I didn't want to kiss you. Your lips could have fooled

A fat -headed frog could fool you.

What? That happened one time.

I'm going to take you to the ball, and it's going to be the best thing you ever

do. If you take me to the ball, that'll be the last thing you do.

I think she likes me.

You and me got to have a conversation.

Okay, okay, I get it. You're ruffling my ruff. We didn't bribe Wilder so we

could tell people we bribed Wilder. We did it so Rebecca and I can go to the

ball. This ball is a once -in -a -lifetime thing. The Swag, the Verona

I'm a celebrity journalist. I have to be there.

We're in that dopey tinter now for nothing.

You know what? I'm sorry. I just didn't want Amanda to know anyone was paid to

take her out. It's cool. Go with Michael.

I'll stay and watch Haggis Patrol.

Tonight, Jackson's on trial for overboiling turnips.

I hate this.

That's okay. It's actually one of my favorite episodes.

No, I hate how Michael ruined our night.

Hey, it's partly my idea to offer burger bucks in the first place, so I guess we

all did something wrong. Yeah? Well, the wrong stops here.

Besides, how many burger bucks did it take?

Put it this way.

Enough to fill three family shoe packs.

going with that little puck of a man.

I thought you and Wilder were hitting it off. Well, there was hitting involved.

Look, I've tried being sweet DJ.

I have. I've acted like the perfect little Rebecca, but that boy's not worth

Relax. Just sit down. You don't need to be like Rebecca.

You just need to be yourself.

We all know how that turned out.

Is this really you, though? I have a feeling underneath all of that anger is

really great girl.

No. Underneath all that anger is bitterness and an angry stick to hit

with. Even a saint couldn't stand Wilder. True. But a rebellious girl like

can handle him just fine.

I guess I could give him another chance and maybe stop throwing solid objects at

him. I'm sure he'd appreciate that, as would all the other boys you hit by

accident.

Michael, I've had some time to think, and I'm going to the ball with Noah.

Rebecca, I'm a man of my word. If I promise to do something underhanded, I

to stick to it.

I had no choice but to tell Amanda the truth, and when I do, it'll be all your

fault.

It'll be all your fault.

I heard you the first time.

Things seem more dramatic when you say them twice.

Why aren't you cowering with fear?

Because I know you won't be able to go through with it.

You're not half as nasty as you think you are.

Uh, hello? My review of Edward Allen's last performance reduced him to tears?

That's because you wrote it on an onion peel.

I'm not afraid because I know you'll look into Amanda's eyes and won't say a

thing to hurt her. I know you.

I know you.

Hey, you're right.

It is more dramatic.

Father, I think we can get along.

I've thought so since the beginning.

From now on, I'm taking a different approach, a much simpler one.

Are you saying that I'm simple?

Not as much me as society.

Really? I thought society wasn't talking to you.

You blubbering lout! How do you even walk upright?

It took years of practice. How do you think?

I've tried to reason with you, but it's no use.

Bye. You're a wild child, full of passion, not reason.

Do you really think you're going to win me over this way?

You're no prize, so winning's not an option. Maybe the prize is you.

Believe it or not, you're the type of girl worth waiting for. You don't know

what kind of girl I am.

You are the best kind of girl in the world.

All spirit and energy and fire.

You better watch out, then. You don't want to get burned.

I, but I do.

You're a beauty when you're mad.

I am?

But when you smile, you're sweeter than a rosebud covered in honey.

Don't take revenge on the world, Amanda. Take me to the dance.

I can be a gentle dude, you know.

So you can, in your own way.

Put on my flower thing and let's get out of here.

Can do, milady.

Girl.

No, wait.

Don't go.

No bribe from Michael will stop me from taking you to the ball.

You're the best.

But what if Michael makes good on his threat?

Hear ye, hear ye. Guess who's coming to the ball? We are.

We're going.

How's that for a surprise ending?

That's wonderful.

Make sure you tell me everything.

Why don't I tell you everything instead?

Take Amanda of the House of Peers.

She's only here tonight because...

Because one man paid.

Because one man paid attention to how

beautiful she is.

Inside and out.

Whoa.

Close one.

I thought you were going to say one man paid me to take her.

Because that's exactly what happened.

20 burger bucks later and here we all are, huh?

All right.

Why don't we all just go to the ball?

I hate you all!

But I especially hate you.

How do I even walk upright?

Should we go over there?

No way.

There's no telling you what she might do to us. To you? Oh, you think you're

safe? Why don't you head over there then?

Uh, I'm on a date.

So, it's true.

I asked you out for 20 burger bucks.

I'm a jerk.

No, you're a royal jerk who belongs in a barn.

I sleep there anyway. They don't mind my smell.

Here's the thing.

I fell for you. For real.

Nobody can put a price on that.

I see you still got your burgers.

The only thing better than having ten free burgers is sharing ten free burgers

with you.

I'm so sorry, Amanda.

They're messy, but they're awesome.

I'm kind of like you.

Everything worked out. You guys make a great couple.

I don't want to put a damper on things.

Honest, this time I don't.

But technically, Wilder didn't win those burger bucks because he never took a

mandate to the ball.

Michael. But you never said which ball.

Care to play DJ DJ?

Sure.

You struck.

I loved it.

Even better, I understood it.

Next. I just don't understand why he made himself the most evil character.

Did I? In my head, he was the hero.

Maybe I told it wrong.

Let's see. He threatens to tell a man about the bribe.

No, hero.

Hey, can you do the same thing with my science homework and start that story

with a song, too?

Ah, sigh.

The demand's on a star.

All right, count me in.

A one, a two, a one, two, three. The speed of light. I want to know what I

right.

Oh, hi.

I'm TV's Demetrius Joyette.

In case you're planning on using this episode to write your Taming of the

essay, I suggest you make other arrangements.

We took a few liberties with the story and can't be held responsible if you get

an F.

Thank you for watching.

You could have told me that before I almost finished.