Original subtitles

You know the best part about being off from school for the holidays?

Being off from school?

No, we get to be at the buzz all day instead of just after class.

Oh yeah, nothing since the holidays like chestnuts roasting over an open

deadline.

All right, journals, it's time for your toughest assignment ever.

Yes, a holiday challenge!

I mean, uh -uh, no fair.

It's time for our secret Santa pick.

The tough part will be keeping who you picked.

Yay,

I picked you.

I know your girl Skiggling gave it away.

I got you, too.

Mikey, guess who?

Oh, ho and oh again.

Wilder, you're all mine, baby.

Cool. Man, it looks like the wild man's going to be your secret Santa.

I was hoping you'd pick me.

I need to get out and hang out with my friends Find out what's new, who's

bashing on who

Happen to my party planner?

Yes, I'll hold. But do not put on any Christmas music.

Christmas Eve is coming soon. Now you do know that.

Whisper what you'll bring to me. Tell me if you can.

Walter, why are you dressed like someone I'd never be seen with? Because I just

got a job at the Ajax Mall's Blinky the Elf.

You know, one of Santa's helpers.

Why would anyone need to use something as ridiculous as that? To make money for

a gift.

What do you mean the party planner's rulebook?

Then sit over the first one available.

That looks fun.

Santa dude.

Elf dude.

Hey,

party planner. If you're not here for the chit -chat, move it out.

I'm here to make sure this is the best Christmas ever for Amanda Pierce.

A party planner that stays in character.

Jippee. Uh -oh.

Good help is so hard to find.

Hey, Michael, I was wondering if... I'm studying.

Studying? Studying what? School's out. The Cashman Holiday Catalog? Oh, man, it

gets me a great present, like this platinum shoehorn.

But there's a $30 gift limit. You can't even get something gift -wrapped without

a Cashman.

Please, with extreme shoppers like Amanda, $30 is just a warm -up.

Oh, an electric air swabber!

I do spend a lot of time swabbing my ears the old -fashioned way.

I combine my secret Santa gift limit with my he's -my -boyfriend gift limit

get Noah the gift of all gifts.

It isn't slippers, is it? Because nothing says lame like a pair of

footwear. That's what I got you last year.

Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa -la -la -la -la, la -la -la -la.

Anyway, I got Noah an MP3 player with all of his favorite songs already deal

-loaded. Do you know how hard it is to find the Tasmanian monk singing Be My

Yoko Ono?

You did good, Becky.

That's a sudden realization.

What if you over -gifted?

What does that even mean?

Over -gifting is when you give someone an amazing gift and their gift to you

isn't as good.

Like how on Oprah's birthday I gave her the Harry Potter collection, but on my

birthday she gave me... nothing.

You have to find out what Noah gave me, but do it in a way so he doesn't know

who wants to know.

Tends to be sneaky and find out secret stuff.

Way better than slippers.

Fur -covered cell phone.

Faux fur, no guilt.

We have to decorate this room totally perfect.

Tons of celebrities are going to be here, and I wanted to say Christmas, but

too Christmassy. Sort of like Christmas seems to the eyes of hip and edgy elves.

But you used to love traditional Christmases.

Where's the little Amanda Pierce that used to leave me milk and caviar on

Christmas Eve?

How'd you know that I used to... Oh, because I'm rich and a rich girl would

never just leave a cookie, right?

Here's your budget.

Don't spend it all on candy canes.

Santa dude!

Elf dude.

Amanda, I'm heading over to the community center to help my parents, but

wanted to talk to you about the $30 secret Santa limit.

Chump change, I know.

That's why I think friends like us should spend more. What do you say,

$200?

The only thing worth $200 is $200.

What can anyone need that's $200?

Glad you asked. There's a star pendant at Cashman's that's $200.

And make sure it's in the Cashman's box. That's half the joy and all the

prestige. Now, I'm off to watch Daddy's assistant build a snowman.

H -O -Q.

Ho, ho, ho to you, too.

Hi, uh, Ajax Ma, this is Blinky the Elf. Do you have any extra shifts?

Sure, I'd be happy to clean up after the reindeer.

An electric ear swabber? Who'd ever want that?

Dashing through the snow In a one -horse open sleigh O 'er the fields we go

Laughing all the way Oh, hello, Shepard. Hello to you,

Frosty the Snowman.

So the kids seem pretty excited about their Secret Santas, huh? They're like

five -year -olds. I need a referee whistle.

Those kids.

So, what do we do in our Secret Santa?

What? Us?

No, no, no, Shepard. We're colleagues. That's all.

Colleagues don't give each other gifts. Right. We give each other hearty

handshakes and best wishes for the Yuletide season.

Promise me you will not get me a gift and make me look bad.

All right, Ebenezer.

Now. If you'll excuse me, I'm off to buy a Christmas goose for Tiny Tim.

You're a Christmas goose.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

I know it's the fest this season, but do we really need eggnog flavored hot

dogs? Come on, who doesn't love dog nog?

What you doing?

Figuring out what to get, Wilder. I have it down to a cheetah print bow tie or a

stainless steel... apple core.

Those sound like things you want.

So they do.

And that's the danger of being someone's secret Santa.

Danger? Yes.

A bad gift could eat away at a relationship until there's nothing left

and despair.

And try returning anger and despair without a receipt.

I never thought about it that way.

Because you're not as shallow as I am.

Maybe you should tell me what you got, Rebecca, so that doesn't happen to you.

Okay. Um...

I went online and bought her a baseball fan by Justin Morneau.

Perfect! Good job!

Yay, Noah!

Need more nutmeg.

No, I don't want three Swedish hens. I want three French hens, like the song

says. And B .G.'s applesauce better be a leaping.

O .M .G.

What do you think?

It's like someone put a lump of coal in my life.

But the icicles are just like the one house decorator put up on your roof when

you were six.

This is not hip. This is not edgy. This is suburban.

I'm sorry, Amanda. I've been doing this for hundreds of years, and I've never

got it wrong before.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're old. You're a legend. I get it.

Okay, here's something really simple you can do. Call everyone on the guest

list. Oh, I'm good at lists.

I'll even check it twice.

You better be. This is a regular Who's Who of the Stars.

I want to make sure they have a special night.

What are you doing? You can't cross off Karina.

Yesterday, she threw an eggnog smoothie at her assistant.

More naughty than nice.

Ah, little Kelly Clarkson.

I remember when she was five and all she wanted was a karaoke machine.

When you were five, you got little Biscuit. How did you know?

Oh, I get it. You called Daddy's assistant and he told you. Now, you have

calls to make.

Rebecca Harper in so many words.

Hanukkah. Easier to celebrate than it is to spell.

Good one. I crack me up.

Did you find out about the Secret Santa thing? Yes, I gave him out of my list,

and she's getting me everything on it, including the sideburn trimmer.

But you don't even have sideburns. I might next year. Who knows? Amanda will

then.

I was talking about me.

Did you find out what Noah's getting me?

Yes. How shall I put this?

When it comes to gifts you might actually want, Noah has no gift to

A -rap -a -pum -pum.

Not bad.

Some ball written on by Justin Monroe?

It's Justin Morneau, and it's called an autograph, and I already have one of

those.

I'm not disappointed by the gift. I'm just hurt that Noah doesn't know me as

well as I thought.

I'd be more disappointed by the crummy gift.

Yeah, okay, bye -bye.

What in the name of St.

Nick? Yes?

Not you.

Expression.

To DJ, best of the season, Shepard.

That sneaky dog.

Buy me a gift on Christmas.

You'll pay for this, Shepard.

Do you hear me?

Pay.

That's right, Angelina.

Skip the party and stay home with your children.

You have all next year to eat shrimp puffs with journalists.

Oh, I slay me.

No, no, no! What are you doing?

Well, you said to make sure everyone had a special night, so I told the nice

ones to stay home with their families, and I told the naughty ones to think

about how they could improve for next year.

What could be more special than that?

You're fired!

I know he said not to come, J. Ray, but the views expressed by that silly old

man do not reflect the views of Teen Buzz, nor do we endorse them.

Wonderland. Amanda, what's wrong?

What's wrong?

Look at this place.

I haven't seen anything so tacky since Rebecca's Thanksgiving party.

Hey, you try making breeches and buckles on hats look hip.

Come on, I think this place looks awesome.

Even if it did, which it doesn't, it wouldn't matter because not a single

is going to be here.

We'll all be here. That's what really matters.

Amanda, who cares about fancy decorations and flashy guests?

The holidays are about spending time with their family and friends.

And trying to avoid my uncle Ron's fruitcake? That thing weighs more than a

turkey.

It's about the nice things, too.

So sweet.

Lying to make me feel better.

But I know this Christmas is going to stink like figgy pudding!

Amanda! Don't let this affect your gift -giving mood!

Hey, Santa dude.

How are you, elf dude?

Bad. I've been wearing this elf costume for so long, they changed my elf name

from Blinky to Stinky.

I didn't understand Blinky, but I don't like Stinky.

Why are you working yourself so hard?

Between your mall job and the community center, you haven't had a second to

enjoy the holidays.

I know, but it's so hard being Amanda's secret Santa.

I'm still 20 bucks short for that star pendant.

Being Amanda's secret me?

Shouldn't make you unhappy.

I'm sure if you don't get her that pendant, she'll understand.

Right. And that's the look I want to see in her eyes when she opens my gift. I

understand. Way better than you, Rock Wilder.

I promised Amanda this would be her best Christmas ever.

And I haven't had much luck.

Maybe you're the boy to lead her there.

There are other gifts that can bring joy to someone's heart.

But they don't come in a cashman's box.

Trust me, what Amanda needs doesn't come in a cashman's box. Case?

No. A jar?

Uh -uh. Oh, paper bag?

I'm sure you'll figure this one out.

Oh, that's your ear swabber.

Couplings.

Sleep mask.

Toyland, Toyland, little girl in Boyland.

Hey. Hey.

Still getting over something new?

Yep. He is now getting an Arcade Fire t -shirt. I know he already has one, but I

will not be over -gifting.

If you don't know what to do with that MP3 player, I know a certain friend who

forgot to ask Amanda for one.

I'm giving it to Baba for Hanukkah.

Then we can have a nice year -long chat about what an MP3 is.

Are you hiding my gift behind your back?

Maybe. You do realize it's wrapped. I have no way of knowing what it is.

Amateur.

Well, it better be good because you are going to love my gift.

What if you really did get me something good? I hid this one out of the park

car.

Nope. You're getting the useless scribbled on ball.

Don't be afraid to cry, Rebecca.

I would.

Yeah. I'll be coming home for Christmas dinner, Mom.

No, I won't be bringing a special someone.

Yeah.

Bye.

Christmas dinner with the folk.

Graduated from the kiddie table yet?

I'm on to you.

Yeah, you caught me. These are definitely the semester grades.

You bought me a present to make me look bad?

Okay, guilty as charged. I saw something that was perfect, and I knew you had to

have it, so I bought it.

What is it?

It's a hat made out of Limburger cheese.

Come on, DJ, I can't tell you what it is. Please give me a hint.

Okay.

It's shiny, it fits on your finger, and it will make you go... See you at the

party.

and bringing a special someone to dinner.

That's right. No kiddie table for Diane this year.

Ho, ho, ho, everyone.

It's time to open up our secret Santas. Who wants to go first?

Me, DJ, me.

I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Actually, DJ, I can't stay long because

have to go to the community center to help families in need. So you can start

with me. Me, me, me. Don't you know that Christmas is the time for sharing?

Michael!

Fine, selfish.

Here.

Crocheted slippers.

Thanks, dude!

I can't believe you gave Fowler my gift to you. I can't believe you gave me

slippers, so we're even.

Amanda, this is for you. I hope you like it.

Ooh, a cashmere box.

I like it already.

Did you make that?

You rock, Walder.

I know you wanted the fancy one, but I decided to give all the money to the

community center.

Except for five bucks for these to buy the box.

That's the most beautiful gift ever.

You can have one.

Walder's inspired me. I'm not giving you any more of it for you and the spirit

of Christmas.

What? No, Pam, I don't want the true spirit of Christmas.

I want an electric ear swabber.

I know I'm not your secret Santa, but I want to give you a gift anyway.

Perfect. I carry mistletoe for such an occasion.

You gotta be impressed.

The guy is good.

I meant something else.

Inviting families from the center was a better idea.

Although a kiss would have been sweet, too.

was right. This is the best Christmas ever. I hope Michael's not mad I

all his gifts for the ones the children needed.

How could I be mad? Better remind you my birthday's in three months.

As cool as this party is, it's still missing something.

Santa dude!

Elf dude!

Oh, sorry to bother, but I do believe I left my jingle bells here.

And this is Roxanna.

And your sister, Jacqueline.

And my friend, Arthur.

Kimberly. Maya.

Up on the housetop, reindeer's paws.

Out jumps good old Santa Claus.

Down through the chimney with lots of toys.

All for the little one's Christmas joy. Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go? Ho, ho, ho,

who wouldn't go?

Happy holidays, DJ.

Shepard, I didn't want to say I can't believe you got me a... Whistle?

Why would you give me a whistle?

Because you said you feel like a referee.

And it's shiny.

It fits on your finger and makes you go... Get it?

I do.

Now... So?

What did you get me?

Nothing. Nothing at all. We said we weren't going to exchange gifts.

Is it my fault that you can't follow rules?

I'm supposed to bring this in now, right?

Wow!

DJ, this is fantastic.

I don't know what to say.

Chuanica. Harmonica?

Hanukkah. And she can give gifts for eight days.

In case the first one doesn't work out.

My corset.

From the Glimmers.

I had it preserved.

You looked so beautiful that night. I took this to make the night last a

bit longer.

What about the Justin Morneau ball you told Michael you bought?

I lied to throw you off the scent.

You think I know my girl well enough to realize when she sent her best friend to

do her bidding?

Wait one sec.

Papa, I need my MP3 player back.

MP3. It's the phone you download.

Downloading is when you get it off the computer.

A computer is that shiny box I write on.

Wait a minute.

Dash way, dash way, dash where?

These Tasmanian monks rock.

Sir, are you going to return the bike?

Sure. It's not really a fair trade.

Thank you.

Do you want to go to Christmas at my parents? I know you probably already

plans, but I was... DJ, I'd love to.

Whoa!

I love these newspapers.

What? No fair?

I want some crocheted slippers.

Thank you, party planner, for making this the best Christmas ever.

You're welcome, little Amanda Pierce.

Oh, and just so you know, I've missed the caviar.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Give the guy credit. He stayed in character right till the very end.

Why is Santa dude going to the roof?

Now Dancer, now Prancer and Vixen. On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.

Clawstruck.

Merry Christmas to all.

And to all a good night.