Original subtitles

One minute until deadline, journals.

Hypey pipey.

Almost done, almost done. Help, I need a better lead.

What about they must call cruise control for a reason?

Perf, you are the best, Rebecca.

How does my article look?

You buried your lead. Switch the first two paragraphs and put it on paper.

I knew I should have wore a tank top today.

Quick, chaos review.

Mini title now.

Have you tried chaos theory?

Who may like it?

Rebecca. I need a word that means... Ew.

Repugnant. No, repugnant's more of a yuck.

Abhorrent. Love it.

What? No, not yet.

Your article's late.

Everyone else is, too.

Not from where I'm looking.

to drop my name anytime.

One apple pear protein blaster, please.

While I'm celebrating, yep, celebrating, it's celebration time.

Is it just me or are these stools uncomfortable?

Wait, maybe it's because I'm sitting on a giant story.

Oh, sorry,

dude.

Ma 'am, is it just me or are these stools really uncomfortable?

Maybe it's because I'm sitting on a giant story.

You're ruining my moment.

I have a huge secret.

Don't tell me. Dude, I can't keep a secret to save my life.

In fact, I even wanted to keep that a secret.

I'm sorry. I gotta tell someone that I just found out that... Rachel was caught

without her plastic face mask.

And then she said, nice night. We don't do dragon breath.

I thought we'd go this big. I'm going to put Teen Bug on the map.

It's already on the map. How do you think I get to work every day?

Just remember, this has got to stay secret until I break this story.

What's up?

Listen, DJ, I know my articles were late today, but it's only because I was

trying to help everyone else, which is why I think I should get more

recognition.

Uh -huh.

you think I shouldn't, which is fine, too. I don't want you to think I don't

appreciate this opportunity because I do.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Opportunity. Come in. I've made borscht.

Okay.

You can get more recognition.

Really? You deserve it.

What do you think about being my junior editor for the week? You can help me

proof stories, monitor deadlines, and tutor Cody Herman.

Oh, dear.

Yeah. Cody's TV column leaves something to be desired. For example, here's his

review on Chimps Ahoy.

Book was better?

He likes it even in three words or less.

So, can you work with him? I'm not expecting any miracles.

A fourth word will do.

I'm on it, DJ.

Okay. Oh, and Rebecca, don't let him know I asked you. I don't think you'd be

good friends. Go. Gotcha. Okay.

I can't believe it. You break one Fabergé egg.

The kind with the solid chocolate yolk?

No, the kind with the solid gold yolk.

Wow. Easter's a lot different at your house.

It's the priceless jeweled egg. The kind my stepmom wants to bring out whenever

she wants to flaunt our wealth.

My mom just takes off the plastic sofa covers.

If she didn't want it to break, she shouldn't have left it lying around in

ornate glass display case.

Which I also broke.

No, Daddy says he's bailed me out for the last time.

Look, it still works.

This is too much. I can't keep this secret. I have to blab.

It's bigger than both of us.

Her story depends on it.

I know. I'll go outside and yell into the sky. No one will ever know.

Can't make it.

Finger oozing.

Battery lowering.

You.

You look like a trustworthy person.

I just found out that... She was caught without a plastic face mask.

He said, nice snaggle, dude. Dragon breath.

Cute story, kid.

Oh, you're Judy King from Entertainment Wow.

Oh, you're Judy King from Entertainment Wow.

I'll have the studio send you a glossy, kid.

You can't tell anyone.

You ever heard of a typewriter virus?

No. Exactly.

And you are?

Rebecca Harper.

We've actually met before, plus we see each other every day.

I only remember important people.

The name's Cody Herman, but my friends call me the Herman.

Um, okay, Herman.

I was thinking that maybe you and I could work together as peer editors.

I'm marginally listening.

I could look over your articles, give you suggestions, and you could look over

mine.

Peer editors, huh?

Looks like someone's trying to form an alliance.

So they don't get voted off.

You can get voted off?

That was a joke.

You want to work together?

Fine, I guess. I mean, I can't blame you for wanting to work with the Hermit.

So here's my... Zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip. Oh, P .U.

Zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip.

Ouch.

You were right, Rebecca. This needs a lot of work.

It's a good thing you came to me.

Amanda, it's fine, really.

I'm glad you think so. Besides, I'm sure you can do some cheers and buy a new

one.

Cheers? You know, when kids do work around the house and their parents give

money? Oh, you mean chores.

Ew.

Even the word sounds dirty.

Anywho, I'm sure it won't take you too long. Your guitar definitely doesn't

expensive.

Amanda. Just because I haven't called your dad yet does not mean you're off

hook. What am I supposed to do? Well, in this situation, sitcom protocol

dictates that the person higher status, that would be you, rich girl, must

relinquish all power and act as personal assistant or gopher to the person with

the lower status. That would be you, smug guy.

And as my gopher.

That's great.

You'll need a small, funny hand prop.

You found me just in time.

How many mistakes can you find? It's only 100 words.

Hello, gopher.

Could you get me a blueberry smoothie?

No.

I'm going to call your dad, then.

Whatever. I'm dialing. Fine, fine.

Going.

Give me a blueberry smoothie while hopping on one foot.

Hop hop, daddy's girl.

And squawk like Poco the parrot while bopping your head.

Squawk?

Squawk?

Squawk? Squawk? Squawk?

Ooh, this is gonna be fun.

Nothing like a little entertainment. Well, lunchtime edition.

E -Wow is really thinking its teeth into this story. What the... Hot

without a plastic face mask.

And then she said, nice snaggled tooth, dragon breath.

No! My stoop has been shoved!

Who is to blame for this unparalleled breach of trust?

Del's people called my people for an interview, but I said no deal.

That never happened. Did it?

Let's get back to your reviews.

Rebecca, you can drop the concerned peer act. I know what's really going on

here. We do?

Of course.

And I just want to put an end to this charade and say, yes, we can go on a

already.

What? Come on, Bex. We've both seen this episode before.

You cute but awkward, helping me, classic teen heartthrob, when we both

my reviews don't need any help.

Admit it. You want the Herman to be your man.

For your information, Herman...

want to go on a date with you it has nothing to do with the fact that i'm not

allowed to date what's the romantic comedy without a few obstacles we are

romantic comedy in fact i'm only here because dj thinks your articles need

i see good you're playing hard to get

and i like it oh yeah well i hope you like this

on a physical gag before storming out.

I totally saw that coming.

I trusted you. And I trusted Judy King. We are both misguided.

Only you would blab the biggest story of my career to the competition's face.

You look trustworthy.

The woman wrote a book called No Secret Safe with me. There has to be some way I

make it up to you.

Way too easy.

The only way that you can make it up to me is to scour the entire city until you

find another.

It's got to be secret.

That's going to change the world.

I'm on it. How hard could it be?

Hard. Very hard. Look, everyone, I'm a fire truck.

Hody, can we talk?

temper at lunch today.

I definitely could have handled that better.

I just wanted to come over here and say that despite a rough start, I'm not

going to quit on the Hermanator.

Here's your sandwich.

Took you long enough.

The wrapper is still on the cheese.

It's not my fault. At home, we have a sandwich maker.

Oh, like the machine?

No, like the person.

That's her name.

Sandwich maker.

She's married to grass cutter.

And how was my basketball practice?

Awful. Coach Miller made us do push -ups. The boy kind.

Do you know those old archive teen buzz magazines?

The ones that go back 20 years and make me itchy?

That's them.

Anyway, I'm tired of going all the way downstairs, you know, past the

and behind the rusty old furnace, moving by my desk and shelving in reverse

chronological order.

But that's beside the room with the eerie noises.

True. But do you know what you're annoyed you don't want to hear?

The nip -nip of your dad cutting your credit card.

Amanda.

Basement.

I gave the best years of my life to this plate.

But... We've only been here a few months. If my unique brand of television

writing isn't welcome here, then I'll just find another glamorous magazine

hires teen writers.

How hard could it be?

I'm sorry, Cody.

I have three words for you.

Please don't quit.

Ah.

The student becomes the teacher.

I was never your student!

You know what, Rebecca?

the dramedy because I've officially changed the channel. You jump the shark.

It's the series finale.

I'll see you in syndication.

Roll credits. We are fading to black.

This concludes our broadcast day.

Beep.

Beep.

I thought you were out of here.

My mom picks me up at six.

Noah's phone.

I mean the Noah Jackson fun line.

Gopher speaking.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

You old guitar shop?

Really? Okay.

I'll let you know.

That was your guitar shop about the guitar you're selling.

They're sorry, but they can't pay over five...

My latest review of Cast Off?

I figure if you go on, I'll probably have to take over your beat.

I have better things to do than review your review.

You do?

No. It's called being spiteful.

But I guess I could use a laugh.

I thought this show was really fun and neat.

Too harsh?

This needs a total rewrite.

You didn't even make fun of the old guy dancing around in the coconut broth.

I totally missed that. Is there anything else I missed?

Likely. Let me take a look.

Sub, sub, sub, sub, sub, sub.

By the way, Rebecca, I know what's happening here.

You do?

You see the Herman heading for the door, and suddenly the picture around here

isn't so high -def.

That? And I can't imagine watching as much TV as you.

Shh.

You had me at, we can't do it without you.

I never said that.

I read between the lines.

We got a pickup.

Looks like we're going for a second season.

Her Majesty is here to stay.

We really need to find you a new nickname.

Sub, sub, sub, sub, sub. Okay, okay, I'm sorry.

You're sorry?

You were lying the whole time. I broke something you were going to sell for

nothing?

Five dollars isn't nothing.

Unless you're you.

Still, you didn't even take responsibility for falling on it. I

you a lesson.

A lesson in what?

Distrust?

What you did was awful, demoralizing, and degrading. And worst of all, you

me do work.

What do I have to do to fix this?

I might be able to think of something.

Careful, servant boy. I have very delicate nails.

Let me guess.

Did not find a juicy leet. I'm sorry. I never even got the chance. I spent most

of the day consoling Bobby Swift because his girlfriend just broke up with him.

Boo -hoo, and look up into the sky. It's a bird. It's a pain. It's a... Who

again?

Hold on.

Skateboarding legend Bobby Swift?

Yeah. Just broke up with his rock star girlfriend Trinity Slate?

He hasn't cried like this since he did a face plant in a half pipe.

Wilder, do you have any idea what you just said?

In these type of cases, I usually don't.

Michael Davies, I've just learned that skateboarding legend Bobby Swift... What

are you doing?

How cute.

You've never seen a professional at work.

I'm recording my scoop into this tape recorder.

It's where real journalists keep their info.

This is the scoop that you blew.

He smacked, he said, and I snagged him, dragon breath.

Oh, my, Judy King is standing in front of me. I love your show.

Feel free to drop my name anytime.

One apple pear protein blaster, please.

While they're... I'm sorry.

Wait a second.

That means Judy King was in front of you when you recorded your scoop.

I should start running right about now.

playing on two TVs so I could turn it off twice.

I love it. It's opinionated. It's more than three words and it's way better

the work Cody was handing in before.

I'm so glad you like it.

I have to say I'm impressed.

In fact, if you're ready for your next task, I know our book reviewer guy can

use some help.

I got two words for you.

Payback. Actually, that's one word.

Well, that did not go as I planned.