Original subtitles

I'm proud to say this is the only Forward One Media magazine to never miss

deadline. And we won't tonight, sir.

As assistant editor, I have to say that I am officially concerned. It's

assistant to the editor.

If you're so concerned, you should tell DJ.

Unfortunately, being the bearer of bad news falls just out of my jurisdiction.

I can, however, pass the duty on to Rebecca.

No way! I'm not...

that sort of thing. I get nervous calling information.

You do it, Wilder. No way. This is your story, dude. It's gonna be your dirty

work.

What in the blue blazes was that?

DJ, we have a problem.

Our best tug issue has to be stellar, DJ. The mag's gotta break the status

sphere. That's why the cover is an exclusive with the hottest indie band,

Plastic Warriors.

DJ, the plastic warriors just broke up.

DJ?

Um, I'm going to have to put you on hold for a second.

Is now a bad time to tell you I need a ride home?

The Tokushima fashion show ended 11 minutes ago. Where are you?

Fine, but if you're taking a cab, I'll need the driver's name and a receipt.

And I also will be double -checking.

Michael, I was wondering.

Can't hear you in my office.

Knock, knock.

15 more minutes for my best of friends article.

No.

Typey, typey, Becky, Becky.

Please don't call me that.

I come up with a list of shorter ones through big time crunches.

Rebs, Reby, Beckhead.

Time well spent.

Anyway, I need to be assistant editor in this piece before DJ sees it. You do

know that this is your last day as DJ's assistant, right?

And good thing for you.

would break up, you know, five minutes after you filed your story?

No, it was a great interview.

Simon told me stuff that he's never told anybody, like their hit single, My

Favorite Person in a Dress.

It wasn't about his girlfriend, Karina.

It was about his mom.

Anything else sound suspicious?

Nah.

Only that he's sick of touring and he never wants to play with those think

again.

So this is what it's like to be Walter.

I got it.

Beth's breakup. We'll do a breakup story instead.

Okay, you need to get cool graphics.

Broken hearts, sad faces, and a fat Cupid?

I'm all over it, DJ.

I want those photos on my desk. It's that. And you, half cap, double decap

whip. Chop, chop.

Michael makes me so mad sometimes.

You should have seen the notes he gave me for my first draft.

BFF must stand for boring big friends because I fell asleep reading this. Must

be right.

It's on my piece, too.

It really helped.

Helped me realize how mad I was at him.

Well, I can't write when I'm mad.

Rebecca, if there's one thing the wild man knows, it's how to get rid of the

angry. Oh, really?

Here's what you do. Make a top ten list of everything that bugs you about

Michael. How can I narrow it down from a hundred?

Then print, read, laugh, love, and rip it up.

And ride the rails back to Happy Town.

Top ten things that annoy me about my best friend.

Number ten.

Calls my feet ugly.

You have a long night of stabling ahead of us, Henry.

Yes, we do.

Number nine.

Names his office supplies.

He's such a good boy. Such a good boy.

Please tell me your best homemade games article is ready.

It's ready.

It's not.

But that's because it wouldn't be the best of article without this baby.

Sponge Striker?

A monster sponge pulverizes an entire city.

Have you ever destroyed a skyscraper as a sponge?

No, but we've led very different lives.

You have 30 minutes to soak it all up. Saturation and fatuation.

Wilder.

Arigato desimasu.

And the number one most annoying thing about Michael Davies is...

Rebecca Harper's desk.

Hi, Baba. It's me, Michael.

Yeah, not a good time.

Rebecca's struggling on her fourth draft.

Looks like you're not the only one if English is a second language.

Ta -ta.

And number one, he's a pompous, overbearing know -it -all.

Where's your article, Rebecca?

Yeah, Rebs, where's your article?

It's coming!

Ride the rails to happy town.

will be about... Okay.

You really need to stop doing that.

What's the point of having a badge if you can't tap on it?

Our magazine is falling apart and you're making badges?

Of course not.

I pre -ordered them weeks ago.

Smoking supermodel snapshots from the Tokushima fashion show.

I felt jealous of myself for being there. Should I pre -scan those for you,

Or we can look at them together.

It's at least a four -page spread for best new party wear.

RSVP if you love it.

I'm sorry, Amanda, but pictures are useless.

What's wrong with them?

Too much bare midriff. Eyes half -closed. Too much bare midriff.

Way too much bare midriff.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. You really should have known better, Amanda.

Now we've got four empty pages. Get Karina in the clothes over here. We'll

new shoot.

Karina, it's Amanda Pierce.

Kiss, kiss.

Less yappy, more snappy.

We need a talk reshoot.

Amanda, Amanda.

You've broken a lot of hearts.

Which one of these says we're through forever?

The left one.

The right one's more. We may get back together to see if there's anything

Have one less bite, then call it off for good.

Come on, Karina. Where are you?

I'm surprised she's even showing up.

Shouldn't she be consoling her boyfriend?

He is lead singer of the busted up band of the year.

If she doesn't know, please don't tell her.

Where do I go to be fabulous?

I don't know, but clearly you've already been.

Tokushima set the whole collection.

All we need is you.

All anyone needs is me, darling.

I also brought a whole bunch of music to pose to. I cannot pause with this

music. But you... I want this.

Plastic Warriors?

Most hot rock band in the world.

My boyfriend, Simon, he is lead singer.

No.

He is ugly.

Yes.

So what?

This band is reason why I wake up in the morning.

You might want to buy an alarm clock because science... Noah, shut it.

Today it's... Rebecca,

I need your best of friends article on my desk ASAP. I just printed it.

I'll get it, DJ.

Still needs my assistant editoring.

Editoring is not a word. Yes, it is. I made it up. You know who else makes up

words?

Shakespeare. Ever heard of him?

Just read it.

Well, I hope it's blended full.

That's mine, too.

Look out, Will. Here I come.

Wilder, I need that list about Michael, but I've still got the angry.

Rip it up, dude. Rip it up.

Yeah, I already printed it.

Oh, no.

Michael! I have Rebecca's article. I'm just going to give it a quick read.

Pretend things that annoy me about my best friend?

Well, this obviously needs a rewrite.

Oh, dear.

Where'd my cover go?

Tell me this isn't a joke. Nobody panic.

This thing's down. What?

Don't worry.

I'm sure my high score's still on record.

Wilder!

you did not just cause total network failure?

I did not just cause total network failure. So what happened?

Funstriker just caused total network failure.

It overrode the boot directory and blocked access to the file server.

I don't believe I'm going to say this.

Can you dumb it down for us?

Magic box don't work good.

It's too far. Split the difference.

Okay, the game's a virus.

Every time I scored a point, it hid files until, splish, splash, the system

crashed.

Well, unpack it now.

It's go time, journals.

Yeah, journals.

It's go time.

At least we printed the cover. Take a look.

Michael,

it's not what it seems.

You know what, Rebs? I don't care about your stupid list. I'm too busy being

assistant editor.

It's assistant to the editor.

Do you want to see me cry? Because I will.

fries at the drop of a hat.

Who's my best hat?

Best breakup, I'd say.

Massive egos, broken friendships, and two tight pants?

Tragic. Tragic stuff.

I'd like to see the Plastic Warriors mess this one up.

We represent the Plastic Warriors.

That was fast.

Teen Buzz cannot run any story until a settlement has been reached. We

heretofore prohibit anyone from any mention of the aforementioned.

Any chance that settlement would be reached before 8 o 'clock tonight?

No.

First computer virus.

You know, I always pictured I'd be working for a secret agency.

I'd also have a goatee.

Michael and I have been friends for a long time.

I bet he's forgotten all about it by now.

My office, now.

I never meant for you to read that.

I can see why. You over -punctuated.

And your order lacks dramatic flair. Number five hurts, but...

Number seven cuts straight to the heart.

I was blowing off steam.

And it was all exaggerated.

Bad writing usually is.

Speaking of which, your best of friends article?

Next. You're axing my article?

No, I said nixing.

Not a good listener.

That's what happens when you mess with the badge.

I can do this all day. I've got hundreds of these hidden around the office. Now,

please, exit my office before I call security.

You're a bear.

You're a caveman.

Someone's coming.

I call this look the blank stare.

Michael Davis, assistant editor.

On behalf of Team Buzz, I'd like to say how sorry I am about your boyfriend's

band breaking up.

What? The band dumped my Simon?

You didn't know?

Hit out of the blue?

I know a little bit about that, too.

Here.

Why don't you go rain on it?

Her 6B has a big mouth.

Give her that one.

Nice.

Help me up.

I'm trying.

Supermodel Karina's here now for her shoot.

take this to my office

thanks

a lot blabbermouth how do you not know your boyfriend's band just broke up she

was on the runway all day and she was doing a reshoot and she isn't very

but still you chased away my feature article sounds like more classic davies

editoring

Rebecca, did you ever think that I was trying to help you? Well, it was kind of

hard to tell with all the bossing around you were doing.

Okay, maybe I was a little bit bossy, but can you honestly tell me if every

I gave you and every red X I made, that not one of them was any good?

I'm sorry, Michael.

I guess I was a little defensive and mean.

Don't forget jealous.

Guys, DJ's been on the phone a long time.

Probably still looking for our replacements.

Or shutting down the magazine.

Or ordering pizza.

Why am I the only one who sees a glass half full?

DJ needs us. As long as I'm wearing this badge, I'm not giving up.

It's time to rinse our sponges, overrule our lawyers, and cover our midriffs.

Who's in?

I am.

I'm as in as clean as belly button.

Not that we'll ever see it.

I never knew I was out.

I'm in.

But only because I always wanted to do a hand pile.

One, two, three, break!

Yes, our usual five pepperonis and one veggie.

No, no pepperoni happy faces tonight, thanks.

Okay.

How am I going to tell these guys they were first to miss the deadline?

I have some bad news.

Well, save it for another day, DJ, because I just got off the phone with

Plastic Warrior's lead singer, Simon.

Don't toy with me.

Does it look like I'm toying?

These photos are a bit dated, about five years or so.

Is that Simon and the drummer's team?

How did you pull this off, Noah?

I called the one person who outranked every lawyer, label, exec, supermodel,

band member.

His favorite person in a dress.

His mom.

Yep, Simon's mom was so mad that she made him call me and she gave me the

shoebox with photos.

This is fantastic.

We have our cover back. Good job, Noah.

That's not all we have. Walk through this door, young lady, and prepare to be

maid.

Here's my article, DJ. You would have got it sooner, but I didn't listen to my

assistant editor.

Assistant to the editor.

Wait.

Had to be the worst friend ever.

It sounds hilarious.

Sometimes friends should know when friends are being goofs.

But the friends that tell them should be careful not to be goofs themselves.

Friends should also stop speaking in the third person.

That's it.

Work it, girlfriend.

Work it.

Rawr.

I appealed to her sense of professionalism and integrity, and I

I told her it'd be our cover if she didn't cooperate.

Ew!

There's not an airbrush in the world that can make that look good.

You know, if Wilder can actually get the computers back up and running, we can

get our issue back.

I think I've got it. It's down to these two wires.

If it works, we reboot the system. If it doesn't, then this place blows sky

high.

That's not even remotely true, is it? No. I've just always wanted to say that.

Look! We're online!

proud of you guys. Nice job, Wilder. Thanks.

Now, if you don't mind, I need to go play me a little fun striker. You can

when I'm done. Whoa!

I think it's time we better call security.

You turned a win -lose sitch into a win -win sitch.

Raise the roof for good editoring.

See, I told you it was a word.

Congrats, journals, and just think, we get to do the exact same thing next

But, when somebody else will be my assistant editor.

Hey.

Where did you get that?

Some dork hid them all over the office.

Dude, I'd be a natural.

Check it.

What are you pizza leechers sitting around for? Get to work. And I mean now.

We've got a magazine to put out.

with me that you've been talking about I know you think that I'm the crazy one I

think that I'm stabbing way more