Original subtitles

I love the morning after a storm. Everything smells like air freshener.

car. My dad says it smells like wet dog.

Too bad, since you don't even own a dog.

Gasp!

Don't even start with me. I slept in, my dad got to the bathroom before me, and

I missed the bus.

And then you fell in a creek?

No. And then I got splashed by a limo while someone inside screamed, I love my

life. I loved my life.

Today, my new Figarucci shoes arrived, I had all four bathrooms to myself, and

Dad says I've got the limo all day.

Why are you so wet?

I can't wait to get out and hang out with my friends. Find out what's new.

practicing on who.

And is that rumor true?

It's a whole new week.

In the pages of my magazine.

Darling.

Sorry, but limo clashing has been in my family for generations.

I have to respect tradition.

I can't believe her.

I know.

Just like I can't believe my phone interview with Kelly Clarkson today.

George. George, cut the crying.

You're not always going to be the sexiest man alive.

Ciao, babe.

Guess you're wondering what happened to good old Mr. Shepard, huh?

Not me.

I can tell it's a costume.

Big shot network executive costume, to be exact.

Now, how many of you guys have ever watched a TV show and said, I can do

than that?

This week, we will discuss what goes into making a good show.

Simple. Crime fighting and delivery girls.

Pizza Patrol.

Greatest show ever.

You guys will play producers, you'll pitch a show, and you'll be graded on

content and delivery.

Fifth week victims?

Rebecca and Amanda.

Well, I guess we can get started tonight.

Fine, but can you change?

You kind of smell like wet dog.

Or cheese lasagna. Or Jaxi will get caught in a meltdown. A cheesy meltdown.

A package for you guys from the set of Pizza Patrol, the movie.

Thank you gift, maybe? Sweet.

Yeah, I reviewed the theme music. It rocked. Not as much as the Pizza Patrol

game I reviewed.

Aw, struck.

Is there another box? Where's the other box? There's got to be another box.

Sorry, guys. That's it.

Don't worry so much about a second box.

I'll let you keep this one.

I do not want the box. I want the jacket.

Sorry, dude. Finders keepers. You didn't find it. And you didn't keep it.

Whatever.

I bet the jacket doesn't even fit me.

I'm bigger than you.

You're not that much bigger than me. It would probably come up to my elbows.

You're not?

That much bigger than me. Let's see, shall we?

You're right.

I'm not. My mistake.

Hey!

So, Kelly, world tour, then what?

Acting, new CD, making creeps with a charming teen reporter?

Help!

Hello? Exclusive Kelly Clarkson interview here?

No fair.

Go away. I'm telling... Sorry, Ms. Clarkson. You were saying?

Give it to me. I'm a way bigger Pizza Patrol fan than you are. You wouldn't

know about the show if it wasn't for me.

Savages! I am a member of the Pizza Patrol fan club. See?

It's in salami stamped.

To give those cards to everybody. Now hand over the jacket.

Excuse me for a moment, Ms. Clarkson. Ryan Seacrest is trying to conference

Wait!

Listen here, Hooligan, put those down.

This is a once -in -a -lifetime thing, and you, and you are not going to blow

it.

Tick your hiding somewhere else.

Tick.

Sorry about that.

Ryan's a chatty one.

Oh, you want to wrap up this interview early.

Well, I hope it wasn't anything I said.

Well, thank you.

Wait, Kelly.

I said thank you.

I said thank you.

Okay, so you're saying we wear the jacket on a rotating basis, noon to

every other day?

Exactly. You get it Monday, Wednesday, Friday. I get it Tuesday, Thursday,

weekend. Three each, cool.

No tradesies.

Weekend is two days. No fair.

No tradesies, that's the rule. You said so yourself.

Stupid, hard -to -remember two -day weekend.

Explain this to me again, but this time try it without the sobbing.

Because of no one wilder than their antics, Kelly cut the interview short.

Not only did I still have 247 more questions to go, I didn't get to pitch

idea for the musical about her life.

Oh, no.

It gets worse.

Because I was so sad about the cult -abrupt ending, I only managed to thank

And she said, you're welcome.

No, not the overly loud sarcastic you're welcome.

Yeah, like how your mom says it when you forget to say thank you.

Michael, don't worry about it.

I'm sure Kelly's forgotten all about you by now. You know, for a friend, you're

really lacking in that knowing -what -to -say department.

O -M -G. She said that?

You're totally the prettier twin.

Oh. T -T -Y -L -M -K.

Can we just get this over with?

Fine. Here's what I've got.

Oh, you have notes?

That's so cute.

No, I have the pitch.

It's done. Wow.

If I didn't want to get out of here and over to my deep tissue massage, I'd be

offended. Great, so here goes.

What do all girls our age have in common? A desire to get to the point?

No, a love of slumber parties.

It's 40 Wakes, the series that covers snacks, truth or dare games, hostess

movie choices.

Nor, I'd rather watch my stepmom eat a rice cake.

Fine, you come up with something then.

Slumber party it is.

I'm hiding.

From who? What happened?

I was at a Kelly Clarkson signing. Of course you were. In my lucky pants.

her happy -go -shirt.

And as I was talking to Ms. Clarkson, this half -man, half -beast bodyguard is

all moving along, kid. So I said, listen here, gorilla.

Two seconds later, I'm upside down in a burlap sack.

Okay, Michael, if people are putting you in a burlap sack, that's a pretty good

sign that your story's over.

It's also a good sign that those weren't your lucky pants.

You're not going to let this go, are you? I've come this far, and I have

pants.

Yeah, scoring cool jackets is definitely a team buzz perk.

But it's not the only one.

I also get to grate cheese in the paper sweater.

Only if I've made deadlines.

You fascinate me.

Rotation time.

Dude, give me five minutes.

Dude, give me the jacket.

Guys, I can't stay. Me and the jacket are meeting Sam Roberts for sushi.

Hey, Mr. Jacket.

Anyone want to hear me sink through my nose?

Anyone?

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

Yeah! Uh -huh, Rebecca and Amanda.

Welcome to Forty Winks, the slumber party show. Before we get to games or

movies, let's talk wardrobe.

Okay, um... I know I'm more comfortable wearing flannel PJs and hockey socks.

It's like wearing a warm hug.

What are you doing?

Are you looking at hockey socks?

your friends are asleep, doesn't mean your sense of style has to be.

Okay, let's move on to desserts.

Amanda, would you please pass me the marshmallows? Sure, Rebecca.

Here.

Looks like you're a chip off the old block.

Time for some flower power.

Ladies, you know for the bad puns, football is at stake. Their friendship?

No. A genuine leather Pizza Patrol jacket?

Girls? Girls?

Okay.

Enough.

It's time for commercial break anyway.

Considering when I left the place, it looked like Willy Wonka's worst

Yesterday was kind of a fiasco, huh?

I'm really sorry.

I guess Amanda and I will just have to take that.

F. F are for failures.

Based on who's more telegenic, here's my solo pitch.

Now, first thing, we have to go to Barcelona.

But the solo pitch, that's not... Wait.

More telegenic? I'm a busy TV producer.

If you want to argue, call my assistant.

Girl.

You are not getting an F. You're not going to be working solo, and you're

definitely not going to Barcelona. Good call. It is off -season.

You need to find some common ground, okay?

You'll present again tomorrow.

Present again?

LOL. And then we'll frolic with unicorns on snow -covered rainbows.

Ew. You're serious.

Better saddle up the old unicorn.

I know it's her publicist. You're as busy as Kelly is.

I'll hold.

It's gonna be two days.

I've waited longer than that for people.

Yeah, I suppose that is pathetic.

Check it out, gang.

I bought leather protector.

You may notice it smells like cinnamon.

Hey, guy.

It's 1230. I expected you to pounce on the jacket half an hour ago.

It's okay.

I don't really need it right now. Or today.

See ya.

Dude, if you want to hold my hand, just ask nicely.

I'd probably say no, but... Here, I don't want you begging for extra time

No, no, no, it's yours. I want you to enjoy tonight.

I want you to have it. No, no, you can have it. I'm fine.

Take it. You can take it.

We look really stupid right now, Wilder.

Start making sense.

I want to trade.

Tonight I want to go to Aunt Sophie's.

Why should I waste a jacket on bingo, fish sticks, and I'm sick?

Why, Wilder, your evening sounds delightful.

Oh, and no tradies. Just think, while you're hiding from your aunt, I'll be

backstage with the bare -naked ladies.

Don't blame me if the jacket comes back covered in tartar sauce.

as long as you don't throw anything at me.

Hello? Self -defense?

You had a look in your eye.

I had a marshmallow in my eye.

This shouldn't be so hard. We're not that different.

We both get our pedicures once at a time.

We both walk before a traveling coach.

And we both have our aromatherapist on speed dial.

Now, get the death cloth off your head, and let's get back to work.

Face it. We have nothing in common.

I don't get pedicures, I've never been on a plane, and I don't even know what

aromatherapist is.

And this is my bobbies, and I think it's beautiful.

We share nothing.

Hey!

No one will ever guess you cut your own hair with this look.

Gee, thanks.

Voila.

Wow.

Me too.

Cool. You can't make cheap clothes look good.

And I've always said I want to do more charity work.

It seems we do have something in common.

No.

We really don't. But I think we can work together.

Let's say we hop in the limo, head back to my place and brainstorm.

Okay.

So, aromatherapy. Is that when they, like, massage your nose?

I have so much to teach you.

And as I said goodbye to my grandpa for the last time, he held my hand and told

me he would always love me.

Wow, huh?

Were you wearing your jacket?

No. I hadn't met the jacket yet.

Oh. So where is it now?

I'm giving it the night off to let the leather breathe.

So, B &L, floor seats, backstage passes. Let's head out.

Man, what? Where did I put those tickets?

Here.

Entertain yourself with this picture of the jacket.

Wilder.

That must be some bingo party.

Listen, I feel bad. You had a good idea before.

Let's trade nights.

Low down there, Wilder.

Is that if I had a million dollars?

You're at the concert with my ticket?

What do you mean Aunt Sophie's body surfing?

The woman is full of fish sticks.

Hello?

Hello?

Pretty little jacket.

So, how do you feel about bingo?

Does the jacket play bingo?

No, I'd rather not call back.

Yep, already been called pathetic, thank you.

WHB Fashion Television presents Amanda Pierce and Rebecca Harper.

Everybody wants to look great without breaking the bank.

And all it takes is a little creativity.

You know when you turn your Baba's old scarf into a cool belt and then wear it

with your dad's wacky vest?

When you fly coach to Paris, you can buy more clothes when you get there.

Save many feet.

Watch Babes on a Budget, the hip new show for the frugal fashionista.

Now, frugal may mean something different to every viewer and host, but everyone

wants to look hot on Not A Lot. This show tells you how.

Thank goodness.

This has been eating away at me for days.

After our interview, you said you're welcome and hung up.

Well, I just want you to know that I said... No.

No!

No! I just recharged you!

Can't believe you put a bare naked lady sticker on our jacket.

I was caught up in the moment.

So is Dave Sophie.

You should have seen her. She was airborne.

On purpose.

A woman whose last live concert was Beethoven gets to meet the band?

Seems reasonable.

I'm going to get some stuff to clean this off.

Don't touch it!

I still have 20 hours left.

No, no, no, I'm better than this.

I'd never betray Noah, not for anything.

Nice jacket.

I know, it's awesome.

If you see Noah, tell him I'm sorry, but it's what the jacket wanted.

He's bigger. He's not bigger!

It's not 12 o 'clock! It is in Bangkok!

Sad,

sad, sad.

This is tearing us apart.

Decide, DJ.

Choose one or the other.

I have a better idea.

Get the jacket.

No, I'm strong.

I'm about to deface star quality leather because you two boys can't play nice.

And you're gonna let me?

Go ahead, DJ.

At least I'll be half cool.

Which is 50 % cooler than what you are now.

No! No! This is... No!

I was hoping that one of you would be nice enough to give it to the other.

But now neither of you get it.

DJ's never seen anything as pathetic as us.

She's about to.

Michael's still in the kitchen singing Kelly Clarkson songs to a frozen

Boys are so silly. Yeah.

taxi from a wood -burning oven. She's got Heimlich maneuvers like you've never

seen.

Thanks, dude.

What's this?

To Noah Jackson and Wilder. One force -filled pizza shield from the set of

Patrol. Sick, man. I'll be able to make grilled cheese from a different room and

save the city from evildoers.

I'll open it.

I'll take it. No, it's okay. I'm fine. I insist.

DJ's a bigger Pizza Patrol fan than we are.