Original subtitles

Now here's the song that's sweeping the nation, the Birdman's The Loco Loco,

featuring Poco, that parrot we can't stop squawking about.

Come on, everybody, and do the loco loco.

Everyone has mad bird disease.

Quick, fill the area.

Where's my hazmat suit?

Relax, Noah. They're just doing the loco loco. You really need to work on the

sense of humor.

And your dancing.

Just so you know, some people think my loco loco rocks.

We're nerds of a feather flock together.

Is it fear of rejection, insecurities, or are they just bored by lame

That's an amazing idea, Rebecca.

And it seems that Noah has just volunteered to be your inside source to

interview. What? Wait, no I didn't.

Trust me, there are smarter Alex out there.

Who am I kidding? There's not.

Okay,

who else wants to pitch an article?

That is not about the local local dance.

Or the local local video game.

Okay, Noah, what about your pitch? At least I know it's not going to be about

the loco loco.

Smart aleck article starts now.

In all this loco loco hubbub, there's one thing that everyone's forgetting.

The parrot.

Although some say he's a dim -witted bird who only squashed and squawked two,

I'd say he'd make a great interview.

Dude, parrots are smart.

I tried to teach my dog to talk for years, and I could barely say its name.

What was its name?

Ruff.

Good one, Wilder.

See, that's a joke.

No, that was a name.

Man, I miss that little guy.

You know what, Noah?

I think that'll be a great angle. I'm gonna go call the Birdman about Paco,

the rest of you guys get back to typey -typey.

I thought you were joking.

So did I.

Hey.

Hey.

Nice tie.

Thanks.

Guess who just got a totally unsolicited compliment?

No, I can't wait that long.

Josh Phillips just said I had a nice tie. That's great, Mikey.

Uh -oh.

Wait, wait, what do you mean uh -oh? There's no uh -oh here.

Well, did he say nice tie or nice tie?

What's the difference?

Intonation. Like yesterday when I told Rebecca I loved her overalls. So you

didn't actually love them? Hated them.

That's the beauty of intonation.

I never realized how hurtful nice tie could be.

Watch it there, buddy.

Reading and walking can be very dangerous. I like to think of it as an

sport.

Well, then you might consider a helmet.

What are you working on there? A hot new article?

Nah, an English paper.

I threw an essay on my mentor, but I just found out it can't be on a video

character.

Man, Colonel Squirrel never gets any cred.

Yeah, tough break. You know, you could pick someone that you spend time with

every day. I just said, I can't pick video game characters.

I meant someone who isn't a part of the rodent militia.

You know, someone maybe that you've had some help with on your writing, for

instance. Yeah, you're right.

DJ would make an awesome mentor. Thanks. Oh, right. Yes, DJ.

Right. Not a bad choice. I mean, she's smart, skillful, ambitious.

Never met Tony Hawk, though. What?

You've met 11 -time vertical boarding champ Tony Hawk. Let's just say he

wouldn't have made it past six if it wasn't for me.

Aw, Chuck!

I guess some of my comedy influences would be Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, William

Shatner.

I see.

So do you prefer to be called a smart aleck or a wise guy? Who are you, my

grandma?

You have a way of taking the funny out of jokes. What?

I'm funny.

I'm a barrel of monkeys.

Trust me, monkeys in a barrel? Not that funny.

Journos, meet Poco the Parrot.

Pretty Poco.

I think I saw this cage on Crib. You did.

And this?

is one cage that this bird is not to be let out of, okay? I am warning you two.

This is one precious parrot. He eats Belgian crackers, drinks Italian water,

I think he's had plastic surgery.

I thought his beak was a little too round.

Did he just knock his water dripper out of his cage?

Frenchie, Frenchie!

Right. He does that every 20 minutes or so if you don't change his water. Now,

you guys, go get some towels and clean this up.

Nice tie?

Nice tie.

Nice tie?

What did he mean?

If it makes you feel better, Mikey, I like your tie. Who cares what you think?

need validation from people that matter. Complete strangers.

Okay, calm down and tell me exactly how he said nice tie.

Nice tie.

That's what the smart -alecks call the wisecrack.

There. That's exactly how he said it.

Josh Phillips hates your tie.

This is the worst day of my life.

Okay, all into a 360, absolutely no bailing. Walter?

What are you doing?

DJ, um, I know you said no skateboarding in the office, but it's for an article

on office boarding.

Really?

Well, let's have a look then.

Um, not yet. It's all in my head still.

My Mentor by Wilder.

My Mentor.

Did that say My Mentor? It should say My Meteor.

Oh, okay.

So you have to write about your mentor. Cool.

Pick anybody yet?

Captain Ardnog.

Mascot for Ardbrand Eggnog? Like this in the Caribbean?

No, it's Captain Ardnog.

I'm here for a photo shoot, but me be on the wrong floor.

Take this barge one leg down and head hard to starboard.

Oh, I'm much obliged.

If you've been eating anything eggnog related, well, don't be shy to ask.

Arr.

I didn't know that you spoke pirate.

If I look better in an eye patch, I speak it more often.

Okay, enough of this gullduggery.

Who's your mentor?

Mr. Shepard.

What? Are you serious, Mr. Shepard?

Yeah.

Okay, well, I think Mr. Shepard is a great choice for a mentor.

If you want to pick somebody who took the safe path.

I mean, I think the most dangerous thing he ever did in life was carpool in

college.

Sounds good. Can I use that?

Or you could use somebody who had to crawl their way to the top, digging

going undercover.

Sounds even better.

Can I use that?

Of course you can. Just meet me in my office at 5, and I will tell you the

story.

Shiver me timbers. She's a scallywag if I ever saw one.

Arr, scallywag.

Don't open that cage.

Weren't you there for DJ's present parrot speech?

And weren't you there when I said no interfering?

I want him to relax.

First, before music, you had a film career.

Why'd you feel the need to change mediums?

Crackers. Ah, yes, crackers.

I heard Avril Lavigne's in music for the same reason.

Hack.

Did he just call you a hack?

I think he said heck.

Shut it, bird brain.

I don't think that language is necessary.

Bird brain says what? What? Hello, bird brain.

I'm a bird brain? Look who's talking.

You're losing a battle of wits to a parrot.

Nice one, wise guy.

Hello, grandma.

Hello, grandma.

Grandma? You better watch it or else you'll be a part of a two -piece snack

pack.

Look, but don't look. Josh is standing right behind him.

The guy in the cap, bootcut jeans, and four -screen hoodie?

Wow, you are the look -but -don't -look champion.

I need you to ask him about my tie.

I have to know if he really didn't like it. Fine.

Anything to make you stop talking about it.

But if I'm going to find out if he's being sincere, I'll need to assess his

fashion sense.

Alone.

Hi. I'm Amanda.

What do you think of that guy's tie?

Michael Davies? I don't think there's a tie he can't pull off.

His fashion sense was only rivaled by his wit.

I'm amazed he's still in our grade.

So did you tell my mother you didn't want me to skip a grade because of my

height?

I asked what you were talking about, but I don't have the time.

Josh invited me to go to the mall.

Wait, wait, wait. What about my tie?

Oh. Right.

Forgot to ask.

I'll pick one up for you at the mall.

TTYL.

And that is the secret to whoopee cushions.

So what advice would you have for anyone wanting to become a smart aleck?

You can't just become a smart aleck, Ara. It's something you're born with.

Nobody's born a smart aleck. It isn't in your DNA.

Unless DNA means desperately needing attention.

Get it?

It's a genetics joke.

See, that's exactly why you can never be a smart aleck. I could too.

Not a chance, not a chance.

Finally, the bird makes sense.

You can never become a smart aleck. You're too nice.

Smart alecks need to be risk takers. I'm a risk taker.

They're safety scissors.

You're going to have to do a lot better than that.

Okay.

How about that?

I'm going to open the parrot cage and take him out.

You bird, fly away, fly away.

We're in an enclosed office.

Guys, do parrots even fly?

Ah, hoist frogs.

Twas a jolly good read. That was him.

Look at that.

They do fly.

Why didn't Captain Ark not hold the elevator?

Pirates are rude. It's part of their whole pillaging persona.

DJ's gonna go loco loco.

She finds out. Hey, stress ball, relax.

What you're about to witness is the greatest skill of a smart aleck. The

apology? No, the cover -up. Let's go.

How's my little superstar doing?

Fine.

How are things?

Fine.

So, did you say the loco loco yet? Shh.

Poco's having a little nap.

Nappy time, nappy time.

Well, this is going to be a little embarrassing, but I was wondering if you

would take a picture of Poco and me.

You know, just so people believe that I met him.

Squaw!

He gets grumpy when he's...

tired. Grumpy boy, grumpy boy.

Ow! I guess it's for the best.

Poco's already seen me in this outfit.

She's gone. Let's go find him.

Where did you get that thing, and why are you wearing it?

It was in the lost and found. I need to know what Josh thinks of it. He says

this thing is nice, then we'll know he was being sarcastic.

Well, at least you're not obsessing.

I can't look at that tie anymore.

It's giving my eyes a headache.

Oh!

Sorry about that, me bucko.

Tis me third tie today.

Hey, man.

Nice... knot.

Thanks.

So? He said nice knot.

Oh. Well, was it nice knot or nice... knot? I have no idea.

Hey, DJ. I finally figured out the smell come from my... Oh.

Mind explaining to us why we both think that we're your mentors?

Because I'm not smart enough to deceive both of you?

Okay, Wilder, you're going to have to make a decision.

But we're going to make it easy on you.

This is such a relief.

You guys don't realize how hard this has been on old Wilder.

Just point to the one that you want.

What?

I can teach you to write a sentence without using an emoticon.

I can make you the greatest emoticon user of all time.

Your next essay can be on Colonel Squirrel.

Office boarding 24 -7. Barefoot Friday.

Your own private sandwich bar. Mondays are going to eat macaroni and cheese and

Tuesdays are going to be on the island. Stop!

This mentoring is hurting my tummy.

Perhaps we handled that poorly.

You think, Mr. Barefoot Fridays?

I got nothing.

What's with the knot?

It got swashbuckled.

I'm sure it happens all the time.

Have you seen a parrot? Hoco?

No, a different parrot.

Nice, give me some sarcasm.

I'd love to help Rebecca, but I've got other very important business to attend

to.

Business? He has to find out if a boy he hardly knows thought his tie was cool.

Look, over there.

That the same parrot?

No, it's a different pirate.

You can't use the same joke back to back.

Well, then you people are going to have to stop asking stupid questions back to

back.

Excuse me, Captain.

Aye. Do you know that parrot you were hanging around with?

Where did he go? Aye, aye. The wretch he seek is across the street sitting on me

Captain Arnog billboard.

Tis the spiciest in the canopy.

Michael, why can't you just let this go?

It's too late for letting go. I have to know what Josh thought of my tie. And

the only way to do that is to go all the way.

What do you think?

That is beyond all the way.

We passed all the way as soon as we got to Eyepatch Town.

Huh?

It's tacky and awful.

It's awful.

That's not a word. It is now.

Trust me. No way.

Trust me. Hey, Josh.

Look, it's our dog's first mate, our geek.

What happened? You used to be the coolest dresser around.

So I guess he really did mean nice tie.

Yeah, I thought that all along.

Well, at least I didn't look stupid.

Yeah. Back to the bathroom, Sharkbait.

We wanted to apologize about coming in a little strong earlier.

A little strong?

You were two seconds away from arm wrestling.

It actually would have been pretty cool.

Well, either way, we are sorry. We were so interested in being your mentors that

we actually ended up becoming bad ones.

Right. So pick whoever you want.

Shepard, me, or even both of us. I mean, there's no real thing you can't have

two mentors.

No. No rule at all.

It's awesome. You guys are chill, but I already found someone.

You did?

I just thought to myself, what kind of dude do I want to see in the mirror when

I'm older?

And all was revealed.

Climb aboard me, pirate apprentice!

Fare thee well, landlubbers.

Arrgh!

I cannot believe we lost to a mascot. A mascot that sells eggnog.

Well, it is the spiciest in the Caribbean.

Well, say if he did escape, what would learn back?

No, he didn't escape.

It's for the interview.

Yeah, he called me a bird brain, too.

Thanks. That's perfect.

So what'd he say?

Get this. For the music video, Poco was trained to fly to anyone doing the local

logo. So all you have to do is dance, and this will all be over.

No, all you have to do is dance.

You wanted to learn what makes a smart aleck tick.

Well, one thing is to never do anything that is not cool, so you're dancing.

Fine, but only if you promise to never make fun of my loco loco again.

I can't do that.

Fine.

All right.

I promise to never dis the Birdmen, their music, or any merchandise

them in any way.

Good, but I can't dance unless someone sings the loco loco. There is no way I'm

singing that song.

Rebecca, it's time to get Poco home.

Do it. Do it. Do the loco loco. Slap your wings in. Do it like Poco. Do it.

it. Do the loco loco. Come on, everybody. Do the loco loco. It's

coming. Wait, the window.

Maybe he's trying the front doors.

Poco's going to shoot.

I have to take care of this.

feather duster for two weeks. I thought he had to tour.

Yeah, well, his agent was asking for too much money, so they're dropping him for

a kung fu fighting chimp.

Sounds like your next exclusive.

Ice pack time, bird play.

DJ, Captain R. Young signed a photo of himself for you.

Oh, thanks, Walter.

That's it. I'm never caring about what anybody says about my clothes again.

Good for you, Mikey.

Nice hat.

Thanks.