All language subtitles for love_and_war_s03e16_i_like_to_be_in_america

Be right back.

There you go.

Be right back.

There you go.

Hang on a second.

Be right back. Don't eat that! That's
not yours! Hang on.

That's for you. Bon appetit. Hello. Hi.
Sorry, I can only do so many things at

once. How can I help you? We're with the
INS, the Immigration and Naturalization

Service. We'd like to speak to the owner
of the restaurant. If it's not too much

trouble. We're the INS. It doesn't
matter if we're trouble.

Don't mind him. He's new. The owner. You
want the owner.

I'm not the owner. It's not me. I'm not
the one. I'm not responsible. I just

work here. Honest to God.

There's your man. That's the one you
want. Come here. Follow me.

Hey. Yeah.

These gentlemen would like to talk to
you. They're from the Immigration and

Naturalization Service.

Well, well.

Aren't you folks in the news these days?

What can I do for you? Is there a
problem? No, we're just doing a random

of the different restaurants in the
neighborhood. You know, make sure all

employees are legal citizens.

It's not a raid, is it?

I'm just curious because innocent people
get caught up in raids.

I myself am of Swedish descent.

Hence the milky complexion. But I was
born in Minneapolis.

Ooh, such weather. Very, very cold. Lots
of snow.

Just a little factoid.

Probably of no value to you. You know,
you can write it down, throw it away,

doesn't matter. Makes no never mind to
me. James Madison was our fourth

president. Only an American would know
that. Maybe.

Did you get a hot tip, or did you just
use this INS line to pick up women?

That's cute.

Ever since California passed Proposition
187 with a landslide, you know, the

message is kind of clear. Get tough on
illegal immigrants.

Which is kind of great for me, because
with all the overtime I'm putting in, I

can finally add that deck to my house.

Oh, good for you.

At last, we have a solution to all our
problems. I mean, we used to run around

saying, a chicken in every pot.

Then it was health care for all
Americans.

Well, those two bombed out, so now it's
you look different than me. Get out.

Hey, hey, I got an idea.

Nobody's used the Berlin Wall in a
while. Why don't we just set it up over

Ooh, ooh, better yet, in every port of
entry, we'll put up a big sign that

keep rowing, Australia's got free beer.

You know, this is just off the top of my
head, but maybe instead of sending all

our taxpayer dollars to support corrupt
government, maybe we could send it to

the people of those nations.

Maybe they could feed themselves or
educate their young or voice an opinion

without the fear of being killed. They
wouldn't have to come here in the first

place. Ray Litvak, sanitation worker and
American.

Mr. Pellett, I know you're probably
getting a lot of grief from what's left

all the bleeding -heart liberals, but I,
for one, applaud what you're trying to

do. I mean, I really do think there are
too many illegal aliens in this country.

You know, we just can't support them.
They're draining us dry.

I mean, look, our founding fathers
fought long and hard to create a system

despite the fact that a man like Sonny
Bono is going to lead us into the next

millennium, still works.

I mean, I say if you didn't take the
time to come into this country legally,

you're out.

Beer, please, Abe.

I got a list here of all of your
employees.

Now, I want to pick a few of them at
random. I mean, completely at random,

starting with him.

Javier, these men are from the INS. They
want to see your papers.

All my papers? You want to see my
papers?

Let's see what I have here. Let's see. I
have my New York library card, my

Blockbuster video card, and, oh.

Here's a little piece of bamboo from the
raft I floated over here on.

All right, all right. How about a Social
Security card?

This is not a good day. There's
Americans everywhere.

All right, so where can we find Mr.

Wang? He's in the kitchen.

Mind if we take a look?

This way.

Dana, these gentlemen would like to ask
a few questions.

Oh, for God's... The health inspectors
were just here two weeks ago.

What, did you think you were going to
catch me stirring the marinara sauce

my feet?

Look at this place.

It's a damn clinic.

I could do open -heart surgery on this
prep table.

Want to be the first?

Oh, wow.

She's a kick in the head, isn't she?

They're not health inspectors, Dana.
They're from the Immigration and

Naturalization Service.

Oh.

Well, why don't you say so?

Is this your idea of fun, going around
irritating people, huh?

What is this, Nazi Germany? Hey, you,
Otto, hands off the strawberries.

Just making a spot check, ma 'am. Don't
worry, we'll be out of your way in no

time. Let's see here.

Mr. Wang.

I'm guessing you must be Mr. Wang.

Actually, it's Wangstein.

My grandpa changed it over at Ellis
Island.

Look, pal, let's cut the mishigas.

I was born in Nebraska.

My dad works for Mutual of Omaha.

Hey, what kind of insurance do you have?

Oh, come on. Let's get out of here.

All through, sir?

Everything's fine. Thanks for your help.
Hold on, hold on a second.

I got a question for you guys.

I want to know how come you single out
Henry and Javier?

Would it have anything to do with their
last name or how they look?

Huh? I mean, how do you know I'm not
illegal?

Come on, let's be reasonable.

No, no, no. Maybe I'm Canadian.

How could you ever be able to tell?

I mean, Canadians look and act just like
us. Meanwhile, they're out there living

among us in a kind of eerie secrecy.

Here's a little tip.

If you're looking to smoke out a
Canadian, walk into a crowd and throw a

of paper on the ground.

Somebody picks it up, you got your
canuck.

No, wait, no, wait. No, no, I am
serious. I want to know how come you

those two guys. I mean, is that fair?

Shouldn't you be asking to see
everybody's proof of citizenship?

No,

no, no, no. Here you go.

Here's my driver's license.

Right here.

Here's mine.

I know, I know the barrettes were a
mistake.

Dana, show me your idea. It's no sense
in Henry and Javier being the only ones

humiliated. My idea? Yeah. Oh, Abe, I
think we've proved our little point.

Besides, my purse is all the way in the
kitchen under some canned goods. I

wouldn't want to waste their time
looking for it.

Besides, if you ask me, I don't think
that Javier and Henry were all that

humiliated.

Well, let's just see what we have here.

So ridiculous.

All right.

Sack charge.

Ann Taylor charge.

Here's a punch card from the salon where
I get my facials done. Don't lose that.

Three more and I get a free peel.

And this is a wallet -sized portrait of
me. My father painted. He's a famous

artist. Dante Palladino. Maybe you know
him.

Why is your ear in the middle of your
forehead?

Haven't you ever been to a museum?

It's called artistic license.

I think you know what kind of license
I'm interested in. Your driver's

Can you produce that?

No.

Actually, I don't have a driver's
license.

What are you talking about? Of course
you have a driver's license.

I mean, I've been in cars that you were
driving. And very fast, I might add.

Italian driver's license.

And you know it's harder to get one in
Italy than it is the States. I mean,

there, you have to be able to parallel
park while uncorking a bottle of

Hey, hey, hey, come on, just show them
you bought a registration card.

Um, I don't have one.

You don't have one?

How'd you vote for president?

I didn't vote, okay?

I went to a sale at Bergdorf's instead.

It was the same kind of thing. I went in
a booth, I made a choice.

The red or the black cocktail drip?

I went with the red.

And let me tell you, it's worked out a
whole lot better than Clinton did.

What about a U .S. passport?

Actually, my passport is Italian.

Oh, boy.

You're an illegal alien?

My partner's an illegal alien?

Hey, for God's sake, I am not an illegal
alien. It just happens that I was born

in Italy, but my parents are American,
which automatically makes me an American

citizen, right?

Good question. Well, let me take this.
It was on the final exam.

People born out of this country to
American citizens cannot reside here

they have a certificate of citizenship.

A certificate of what exactly was that
again?

Oh, my God, you are an illegal alien.

I've been having sex with someone who
probably hadn't had all her shots.

It's just a piece of paper. This is
ridiculous, and I'm sure I have it

someplace. Oh, boy, we got a live one.

Without proper papers, Miss Palladino,
we're going to have to detain you. Take

you downtown for further questioning by
our supervisor who might schedule a

deportation charge. Oh, come on!

Wait a minute here! You can't just take
her out of here, can you? I really can't

go. I'm right in the middle of dinner. I
don't think people can wait that long

for their food, really. Jack, are you
coming? Yes, yes, I'm coming. You think

it's too ridiculous to ask at this point
in the relationship?

Are you also a spy?

Dana, I am not staying. I think you had
a... easier time of it in the holding

cell. All I'm saying is that at least
you illegals had cots and chairs to sit

on. While, of course, the poor loved
ones like me will have to lean against

wall and watch my neighbor eat a hummus
and jelly sandwich.

I just want to get dinner started and go
home and take a shower.

You mean they didn't turn the hoses on
you?

Basically, everything is okay. We got a
great lawyer, the best money could buy.

Money we wouldn't have to spend.

Someone's father had coughed up four big
bucks 30 years ago to file his

daughter's certificate of citizenship.

If you say one more thing about the four
dollars, I'm going to be going to jail

for a completely different reason.

God, what a night.

I was interrogated for six hours by an
INS supervisor who was trying to stop

smoking.

I tried to incite the other inmates to
riot, but it's... Very difficult to

mobilize people who are trying to learn
English by watching Saved by the Bill on

a nine -inch black -and -white TV.

And by the way, Abe, what took you so
long to come up with that bail money?

What took so long? How about thanks,
Abe, you saved my butt. Oh, no, no, no,

nobody ever thanks, Abe. I'm just one
big cash machine.

Well, for your information, I have
feelings, too.

I'm sorry you're right.

Thank you.

Don't mention it.

I'm taking it out of your paycheck.

Jack, tell the truth.

How much trouble is she in? I don't
know. This whole thing is a nightmare.

And, of course, it makes it that much
harder when you're two people of very

different faiths.

I, as you know, am a practicing member
of the human race, and Dana's an

anarchist.

I heard that.

I am not an anarchist. You don't vote.

You drive around without a license.

What if everyone did that? What if
everyone just went around doing whatever

felt? What would you call that?

Italy.

A place with great food and incredible
art where you can drive on the...

sidewalk if you want to. Dana, I don't
believe this. You're defending your

position. You've been in jail. You've
been checked for lice, for God's sakes.

That would make a normal person
reevaluate their thinking.

All right.

We're both still a little upset right
now. All right, all right.

We'll get through this.

All we have to do is just show up for
that deportation hearing on Wednesday.

Deportation hearing? Oh, Dana. Oh, Dana.
Oh, my dear. They're going to put you

on a plane, and the two of you are going
to be separated from one another for

weeks.

Months, maybe.

Maybe forever.

And with so few childbearing years left,
oh, this is... Nadine, I'm not going

anywhere. All we have to do is prove
that my father lived in this country for

ten consecutive years any time before my
birth. And stand in ten gazillion lines

and fill out ten gazillion forms, and
then they give me your certificate of

citizenship. My God, no wonder people
sail halfway around the world on a raft.

It's easier.

Look, maybe I'm old -fashioned, but I
think becoming an American shouldn't be

easy. I mean, people stand in line all
day at Disneyland to get on some 90

-second ride that's going to make them
throw up.

All right, all right.

All I have to do is call my father so he
can tell us where to find his tax

returns or his school reports or
whatever it is they want to clear up

mess.

I'll start in Rome. If I can't find him
there, I'll try his friend Drago in

Cyprus, and then maybe Aiel, the guy who
runs the gallery in Tel Aviv. You see,

this is the big difference between you
and I.

I mean, I don't need a satellite hookup
to find my mother.

All I have to do is think about not
marrying a Jewish girl, and the phone

I can't believe this. It's been a week.

The hearing is tomorrow.

What kind of man doesn't call in... for
his messages in a week.

Oh, yeah, I'm expecting order and
stability from the man that painted

I mean, look at it. It's total chaos.

Not unlike your filing system.

What's wrong with my filing system? Look
what we just found in my personal

memento file.

The personal memento file?

That would be the Joan and David boot
box or the Victoria's Secret tote bag?

It doesn't matter what it's in. The
problem is the thing.

We have to prove that my father lived
here for ten years before I was born.

Now look at this.

It's a sketch that Dante did of a woman
in Washington Square.

And if you look closely at the
silhouette of the clothing, it will

conclusively that Dante did live here in
1955, the year that Dior introduced the

new look.

I am so relieved. There's nothing to
worry about.

We have the Dior defense.

What else have you got?

Letter to my mother, dated 1958, which
was just after they met.

Postmark New York City.

Want me to read it to you?

No, thanks.

I've had enough trouble dealing with
this.

Oh.

That's me and Sardinia.

Don't look so shocked. All the beaches
there are topless.

But you're not on the beach.

You're in a cafe having coffee.

It was iced coffee and it was very hot,
okay?

Let's just keep going through this
stuff.

Oh.

Remember, we have the affidavit coming
over, too. You know, from the former

mistress, saying that, you know, she and
Dante had an affair here in 1960.

Huh?

Oh, boy. Hey, James, we have nothing to
worry about now. We have the word of an

ex -mistress.

Between Dante's flagrant infidelity and
the Dior look, we're saved.

And as for you, you will never be
deported. You want to know why?

Because Daddy knows where your license
is.

Yeah. It's in a file cabinet under P's
for footy tag.

Oh, Jack, I'm so tired. It's almost
midnight.

I know.

Hearing as tomorrow, we have nothing.

Oh, my God, look what I just found.

You kept this?

This is from Vermont, right? We went up
there to see the leaves change.

We saved that little bit in breakfast.

Oh, yeah.

We got split as an ass in that sauna.

Well, we got that second night free.
Yeah, I love that place.

You know, we said we were going to go
back there next year.

Oh, gee, what if there isn't a next
year?

Jack, are you worried?

Don't you be worried, because I'm not
going to be worried if you're not going

be worried. No, I'm not worried.

No way anybody's going to take you away
from me, huh?

But just in case, how many times a day
did you say you fed James?

Because he told me you feed him four
times. I don't think that's right.

Wait, wait one second.

We have nothing to worry about.

The best lawyer. We've done all of our
homework.

Excuse me.

What the hell are all these?

These are documents for the Shostakovich
family.

Dana, do you have your documents?

It'll be fine. It's fine.

Don't worry.

Hey, guys.

Oh, hell, I'm so glad you're here. Jack
was starting to get worried.

I keep telling you guys, you've got
nothing to worry about.

You did pack, didn't you?

No, I'm just kidding.

Come on, you're an American.

You'll be out of here in no time.

Next Fourth of July, you can light up a
firecracker and blow off a finger like

everybody else.

Are you sure everything's going to be
okay?

Dana, believe me, huh?

I've handled a thousand cases like this.
It'll be fine.

Besides, let the judge beat me to golf
this morning, huh?

Sit tight.

Wait till your case is called, huh?

Adult game better not be in your bill.

I'll pay it and be glad I could afford
it. Not like these poor people.

You have any idea what this is costing
the United States government, huh?

The judges, the clerks, the paperwork.

I mean, the plane fare to send these
people back to wherever they came from.

I mean, illegal immigration is
bankrupting us in more ways than one.

And you know who has to pay for it, huh?
Jack Stein.

That's it.

Just keep your voice down, huh?

They'll leave people home with just a
big waste of money.

I mean, all they're going to do is turn
around and try to come back in because

when push comes to shove, people follow
only one law, the biological instinct to

survive. Dana, do not use the biological
imperative argument now after I've

tried it many times in a feeble attempt
to have sex.

Hi, how are you?

Excuse me for staring, but I was just
noticing your jacket.

Oh, thank you. I got it on sale.

I made it, you know.

Yes, this is my stitching.

You see that?

Ah, yes.

I took extra care to double knot the
thread at all the stress points.

This is a good jacket.

But that tie, what were you thinking?

Hi, I'm Jack Stein.

Ernesto Rodriguez.

My wife, Rosa, and our children, Elena,
Miriam, and Jorge.

How long have you been in this country?

Twelve years.

All that time I worked as a nanny for a
woman judge.

And then last month she got put on the
short list of nominees for a cabinet

post.

That's it? I mean, they're going to kick
you out?

Now everyone knows.

So Rosa and I must be made an example
of.

I'm sure they're going to deport us, but
the children, they were born here.

They're U .S. citizens, so they can stay
with my cousin.

Rodriguez?

Wait a minute.

You're going to go and... And leave your
children?

How can you do that?

It's the most difficult thing we've ever
had to do.

But we would rather they live in a place
where at least they have a chance for a

future.

Instead of a place where they're sure to
have none. We have to go.

Hey, listen now.

Good luck.

Yes, good luck.

It was nice to meet you.

And please, it's time to spring for dry
cleaning.

Believe it, a whole family just torn
apart, maybe forever.

I mean, really, is that necessary?

Yeah, Dana, I think it is.

The United States just can't continue to
be sentimental about this problem.

We're going broke.

It can't be the world's hospital
anymore.

I don't know what I would do if I
thought I wasn't going to see you again.

Oh, you will.

Because I'm white.

In a society that discriminates against
color. I'm middle class in a society

where money talks.

I got all that going for me.

That's why, fair or not, for better or
worse, they won't deport me.

I still can't believe it.

I can't believe I'm deported and the
Rodriguez's got off.

We stood in the courtroom and talked for
15 minutes about how unfair it was for

people like you to get special
treatment.

You were brilliant.

Surprised you didn't sentence yourself
to death.

Look, I'm sorry. I'm just upset.

What kind of system is this anyway? It
just kicks a person out of the country.

Well, look, there's nothing we can do
about it now. Let's not spend our last

minutes together arguing. Wait a minute.
We can do something.

I saw it on Matlock.

We just find some dead guy.

We use his social security number.

I'm going to go nose around the morgue.
Now, you wait here. I mean, look, if you

miss your plane, does it matter? What
are they going to do, deport you? Oh,

Jeff, you're talking crazy. I mean, I'm
not going to be calling now. long. I

mean, all I have to do is go to my
father's apartment in Rome, get the key

the safe deposit box, get all the
paperwork, and I'm legal. That's what

said. Hal?

Hal? He's going to have to answer to me.

I'm going to be all over him like hot
coffee and an old lady at McDonald's.

I think we've got to change the bed
appointment next Tuesday, 4 o 'clock.

is this?

It's a file of facts. I thought maybe I
should get a little more organized.

And you saw where I left the money for
the utility bill?

And, uh...

Oh, listen, I think I might be a little
overdrawn. The deposit slips are in this

little red drawer. Oh, for God's sakes.

5403 for Roe is now boarding.

Where's my ticket? Where's my ticket?

Okay.

You gonna be all right?

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna be fine. Okay.

Okay, I better go.

Dana, Dana, wait a minute. Yeah?

That's what I want to ask you.

I mean, this is going to sound kind of
stupid.

You're coming back, aren't you?

Of course I am.

Because, you know, once you get over
there to Italy, I know how much you'll

it. Oh, honey.

Here. I want you to hang on to this for
a minute. What is it?

It's my favorite chopping knife.

Ever since I've been a chef, I have
never gone anywhere ever without it

now. I can't believe I'm in love with
someone who's going to actually go

a metal detector with a big knife.

Yeah, I'll take care of it.

I better go.

Oh, Dana.

Goodbye. Oh, Dana, wait a minute. I
didn't kiss you goodbye.

I'm sorry, sir. You can't go through
there without a ticket.

No, no, she's leaving. I don't know when
she's coming back.

Sorry, sir, but those are the rules.

Rules? Rules?

This country is nothing but rules.

And no damn rule is going to stop me
from kissing the woman I love goodbye.

say can you