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1
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Who is it? That I'm starving.
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I got here as fast as I could.
3
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Oh, look how you're sweating.
4
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You must have peddled very hard.
5
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We promised delivery in 30 minutes
and... Oh no, it's 31 minutes.
6
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I'm a minute late. I've been bad.
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You could get into a lot of trouble for
that.
8
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But don't worry.
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I won't say anything.
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You know, this pizza's too much for one
person.
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Would you like to join me?
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Oh, no, ma 'am, I'm not supposed to eat
with the customers.
13
00:00:52,980 --> 00:00:53,980
Oh, come on.
14
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:57,960
I'm so lonely, all by myself in this big
mansion.
15
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Oh, please, lady, I'm just a hard
-working kid trying to make an honest
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00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:05,940
Then lie down, pizza boy.
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I'm gonna give you a great big kiss.
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anything for you?
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Not really. I got so into character, I
started worrying about getting fired.
20
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I skipped breakfast and lunch. All I
could think about was the pizza.
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Oh, man.
22
00:01:29,210 --> 00:01:31,350
This is not good. This is not good at
all.
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We always do this. We just put way too
much pressure on ourselves.
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I mean, where is it written, thou shalt
have great sex from day one?
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How about week three?
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00:01:41,910 --> 00:01:45,810
Well, look, just, you know, this whole
sexual...
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The chemistry thing is way beyond our
control anyway.
28
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We'll see.
29
00:01:51,140 --> 00:01:55,360
Someday, it's going to happen when we
least expect it.
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00:01:56,580 --> 00:01:59,440
Oh, God, honey, you have a big hunk of
pepperoni in your teeth.
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00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:02,860
All right, now.
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00:02:03,100 --> 00:02:07,840
I need you all to read this over very
carefully. It's a list of all the things
33
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,039
you're allowed to bring into prison and
what you're not.
34
00:02:10,340 --> 00:02:14,480
Now. No one's obligated, of course, but
just keep in mind, it is Charles'
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birthday, and the only other gifts he's
going to be getting are guns carved out
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00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:19,080
of soap.
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No drugs, no weapons, no pornography.
Well, so much for the traditional
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gift.
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00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:30,380
Hey, how about one of those desktop
calendars? The next seven years at a
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00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,720
Funny, funny, funny, very funny. I don't
care. Make a joke out of it. Listen, as
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long as you all show up at the party.
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You are all showing up at the party,
aren't you?
43
00:02:44,460 --> 00:02:45,640
God, we've got to get out of this one.
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00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:51,140
Man, my life keeps taking one odd turn
after the other. Now I'm going to a
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00:02:51,140 --> 00:02:53,500
birthday party in a federal
penitentiary?
46
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,460
It's no fun playing musical chairs when
one of them is plugged in.
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Social obligations are so binding that a
true master can't wriggle out of it.
48
00:03:02,220 --> 00:03:03,220
Watch how it's done.
49
00:03:03,260 --> 00:03:04,260
Nadine?
50
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:10,200
About the party. You know I committed to
it two weeks ago, but now something's
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00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:10,909
come up.
52
00:03:10,910 --> 00:03:14,530
Please don't ask me any details. It's
very personal. Shoot.
53
00:03:14,750 --> 00:03:21,010
I was really dying to go, but this,
well... Let's just say it's very
54
00:03:21,970 --> 00:03:26,590
Really, Meg? Oh, really. More important
than all that paperwork I had to do to
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get your visit approved.
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00:03:27,850 --> 00:03:32,670
The hours I spent laboring over every
detail so that a man... serving seven
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00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:35,910
years in a cold, dark cell with nothing
more to look forward to than being
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blasted around a room with a fire hose,
could have just one hour of joy in his
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00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:41,450
otherwise dismal existence?
60
00:03:41,850 --> 00:03:44,630
Oh, please, please, you've got to come.
61
00:03:44,910 --> 00:03:48,350
Otherwise, that whole boy -girl ratio
thing is going to be thrown off. And
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what am I going to do? I'm going to
invite some prison matron who'll sit
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00:03:51,570 --> 00:03:55,690
and amuse us by showing us how she can
suck a lit cigarette into her mouth. I
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00:03:55,690 --> 00:03:58,590
don't know. I don't know. Somehow that
doesn't have the Nadine Berkus signature
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on it.
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00:04:04,590 --> 00:04:08,190
Poor Nadine. Oh, for God's sake, stop
pummeling me, Ray. I'm riddled with
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00:04:09,530 --> 00:04:11,910
You're going to make some lucky girl a
wonderful mother someday.
68
00:04:13,310 --> 00:04:16,110
That's not what you were saying a couple
weeks ago when you and I... Hey, what
69
00:04:16,110 --> 00:04:17,110
are you, an elephant?
70
00:04:19,029 --> 00:04:23,510
The whole country managed to forget that
Nixon had a dark side, but you, you
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00:04:23,510 --> 00:04:27,010
can't forget one unfortunate night that
happened between us that never should
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00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:28,010
have happened.
73
00:04:28,250 --> 00:04:29,250
Not really.
74
00:04:30,830 --> 00:04:33,150
That damn grin again. I'm going to tell
you something, Ray. I don't think you're
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making an effort. Meg!
76
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Kitchen. Okay, okay, but I am not
finished with you.
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00:04:38,970 --> 00:04:40,030
I've heard that one before.
78
00:04:41,870 --> 00:04:42,870
Meg! Meg!
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00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:55,630
Look, Nadine, I didn't realize how
important this party was to you. And if
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you're upset about something and you
need to talk about it,
81
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:04,750
I just want you to know I'm here for
you.
82
00:05:05,410 --> 00:05:08,730
Oh, my God, she's hysterical. Let's get
the hell out of here. You leave now and
83
00:05:08,730 --> 00:05:10,110
I tell Ray you're carrying his child.
84
00:05:15,070 --> 00:05:16,070
What's wrong?
85
00:05:16,230 --> 00:05:17,230
Oh, God.
86
00:05:18,070 --> 00:05:19,070
It's Charles.
87
00:05:19,510 --> 00:05:20,970
I think he's having an affair.
88
00:05:21,270 --> 00:05:22,270
In prison?
89
00:05:22,870 --> 00:05:24,330
Oh, no.
90
00:05:25,670 --> 00:05:26,690
No, no.
91
00:05:27,210 --> 00:05:28,350
No, nothing like that.
92
00:05:28,610 --> 00:05:32,780
Although... His cellmate Moose has taken
to signing his name Moose Berkins. No.
93
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:35,660
No, it's a woman.
94
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,260
Now, Nadine, this is a pretty serious
charge. What made you suspect?
95
00:05:40,180 --> 00:05:41,360
Just little things.
96
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:46,920
Last year, I gave Charles a box of
stationary birds of the New England
97
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:52,220
waterways. Well, he's run out, Moose
tells me, because Charles has been
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00:05:52,220 --> 00:05:53,220
to a woman.
99
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:57,040
I'm a woman, but all he ever sent me
were a mallard and a Canadian honker.
100
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:03,460
And then last week when I went to visit,
a new guard said to me, oh, you're Mrs.
101
00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:07,940
Burkett. Seems that another woman had
visited Charles three times that week.
102
00:06:07,940 --> 00:06:10,620
when I asked Charles about it, he got
all flustered and he said, oh, she was a
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00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:11,559
volunteer nun.
104
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:12,960
Well, now wait, that could be true.
105
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,700
Nuns do visit the prisons and not all of
them wear those old habits anymore.
106
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,500
Are they tall and blonde wearing Donna
Karan mini skirts and alligator
107
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:21,500
slingbacks?
108
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:24,080
Only if their prayers have been
answered.
109
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:27,200
How could he do this to me?
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Has he no conscience?
111
00:06:28,780 --> 00:06:32,460
What about all that time I stood by him
through the hell of that trial?
112
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,640
But did I ever let on how it made me
feel? No.
113
00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:38,160
I hung in there. I stood by him. I
supported that man. I'll tell you
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If he's having an affair, so help me
God, I'm going to make him suffer.
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00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:43,060
I am going to hurt him, and I'm going to
hurt him bad.
116
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:46,840
I wonder if there'll be an open bar.
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humiliating the most horrendous thing
that has ever happened to me.
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00:07:01,950 --> 00:07:04,870
Charles is in here for stock fraud. Why
were we strip searched?
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00:07:06,350 --> 00:07:08,390
Now you know why I don't go to birthday
parties.
120
00:07:09,870 --> 00:07:12,790
No, let's go, let's go. Meg, we'll meet
you right out here.
121
00:07:13,450 --> 00:07:18,210
And Dana, dear, might I say that when
expecting a strip search, an outfit with
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that many buttons is just not a wise
choice.
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00:07:21,690 --> 00:07:24,630
Thanks for the tip, Nadine, but you see,
I didn't know there was going to be a
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00:07:24,630 --> 00:07:27,550
strip search because you didn't say so.
Tell me something. I'm curious.
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00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:32,230
How does something like there is going
to be a trip search slip your mind?
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Hello. Look at the boys.
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00:07:35,730 --> 00:07:37,890
You don't see them complaining. Hi,
Jack.
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00:07:38,130 --> 00:07:39,570
Hi there, Abe. Where's Ray?
129
00:07:39,830 --> 00:07:40,830
He passed out.
130
00:07:43,590 --> 00:07:45,610
They're giving him juice and a cookie in
the back.
131
00:07:47,290 --> 00:07:51,550
Hey, keep it down, will you? We got
people in here trying to... To what?
132
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Make wallets? Dig tunnels? What?
133
00:07:56,110 --> 00:07:57,730
This is the conjugal visits room.
134
00:07:59,230 --> 00:08:00,230
Oh.
135
00:08:00,450 --> 00:08:01,450
Oh, sorry.
136
00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:03,370
What is this, a hotel?
137
00:08:04,530 --> 00:08:06,310
My tax dollars are paying for this?
138
00:08:06,890 --> 00:08:11,630
I'm back there trapped, buck naked,
while a guard uses me to play Where's
139
00:08:13,530 --> 00:08:15,690
And you've got an accident and they're
getting lucky.
140
00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:17,550
What is wrong with this picture?
141
00:08:19,350 --> 00:08:21,290
Well, hey, Meg, welcome to hell.
142
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,240
Did they remember to give you your I'm
with guilty T -shirt?
143
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:26,480
Say who?
144
00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:27,920
What do you mean?
145
00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:30,380
You got strip searched, didn't you? I
don't remember.
146
00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:32,419
You don't remember?
147
00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:34,500
You blocked it out?
148
00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:38,860
Why not? I'm good at that. I blocked out
an entire set of relatives in grades 10
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00:08:38,860 --> 00:08:43,220
through 12, which luckily for me
coincided with disco and a bad Dorothy
150
00:08:43,220 --> 00:08:44,220
haircut.
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00:08:46,340 --> 00:08:47,340
Okay.
152
00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:48,780
Time's up, you two.
153
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:51,400
Break it up.
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00:08:53,930 --> 00:08:56,730
Move along, folks. There's nothing to
see here. Nothing to see.
155
00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:06,610
Oh, wow.
156
00:09:07,530 --> 00:09:09,950
Oh, there is something about this room.
157
00:09:12,910 --> 00:09:16,150
Charles and I had some pretty terrific
times in there.
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00:09:17,050 --> 00:09:21,470
Of course, the sex between us was always
great. You know, they say companionship
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00:09:21,470 --> 00:09:22,730
is everything, but let me tell you
something.
160
00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:24,610
If the sex isn't good, you got nothing.
161
00:09:24,950 --> 00:09:26,390
Can we get the party started, please?
162
00:09:28,210 --> 00:09:29,970
Oh, Ray, well, finally.
163
00:09:30,850 --> 00:09:33,970
Ray, dear, you're going to a party.
Could you try to look a little more
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00:09:35,010 --> 00:09:36,010
Okay.
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00:09:36,110 --> 00:09:37,530
Birds, we're all here now.
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00:09:37,850 --> 00:09:38,870
All right, this way, everybody.
167
00:09:42,670 --> 00:09:48,510
How you doing, big guy? Jack, please, I
don't want to be touched.
168
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,270
I just want to get on with my life.
169
00:09:57,959 --> 00:10:00,780
Okay. All right, everybody, listen up.
This is the plan. This is the plan.
170
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,260
They're going to be bringing Charles in
through this door here.
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00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:07,440
People, this door here. So what I want
to do is I want everybody to hide behind
172
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,140
these chairs. We'll dim the lights. Then
when he comes in, we'll all yell
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00:10:10,140 --> 00:10:12,480
surprise. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me get
this straight, Nadine.
174
00:10:13,060 --> 00:10:15,500
You want me to hide in the dark behind a
piece of furniture.
175
00:10:16,540 --> 00:10:19,940
And when the guard comes in with a big
gun, you want me to jump on it.
176
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:23,990
And scare the hell out of him?
177
00:10:24,530 --> 00:10:25,530
No, no.
178
00:10:25,610 --> 00:10:26,610
I don't think so.
179
00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:31,010
All right, everybody, stand back.
180
00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:32,230
Prisoner coming in.
181
00:10:32,310 --> 00:10:35,530
God, it's Charles. What am I going to
do? What if he lies? Am I supposed to
182
00:10:35,530 --> 00:10:36,590
pretend I don't think that's anything?
183
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,010
Everything's the way it was. What?
184
00:10:39,550 --> 00:10:40,550
Surprise!
185
00:10:41,210 --> 00:10:42,430
Oh, gosh.
186
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:43,850
Look at this.
187
00:10:44,390 --> 00:10:45,510
Oh, Nadine.
188
00:10:45,810 --> 00:10:46,990
Oh, wow.
189
00:10:47,590 --> 00:10:48,830
This is so great.
190
00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:50,230
I'm so surprised.
191
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,220
Hi, Charles Berkus.
192
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:54,640
Who are you?
193
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:58,660
These are my friends, Charles. You met
them a little while ago at Guinevere's
194
00:10:58,660 --> 00:11:00,400
wedding. Well, I guess you don't
remember.
195
00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:02,460
Oh, oh, sure, sure.
196
00:11:03,180 --> 00:11:04,540
You were the piano player.
197
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,220
Oh, no. Yeah, you were the piano player.
198
00:11:07,860 --> 00:11:08,860
Yeah, okay, fine.
199
00:11:10,140 --> 00:11:12,300
Oh, you're not surprised, are you,
Charles?
200
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:16,500
I can always tell when you're fibbing.
Well, honey, they needed three weeks of
201
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:18,140
clearance just to get this party
approved.
202
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:23,180
But I was so looking forward to this.
Honey, I hope you don't mind, but I've
203
00:11:23,180 --> 00:11:24,180
invited somebody.
204
00:11:24,860 --> 00:11:25,980
Come on in, Moose.
205
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:34,460
Everybody, this is my cellmate, Moose.
Hi, everybody.
206
00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:36,500
Thanks for having me.
207
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,180
All right, all right, I'll bite.
208
00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:40,460
Why don't they call you Moose?
209
00:11:41,390 --> 00:11:43,650
I killed a man with a pair of antlers.
210
00:11:44,730 --> 00:11:45,970
It was an accident.
211
00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:49,510
Okay, what do you say we get this party
rolling, huh?
212
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:50,810
Let's do our presents, games.
213
00:11:51,070 --> 00:11:54,010
Cake, cake, cake's usually last. Why
don't we just go right to cake, huh? All
214
00:11:54,010 --> 00:11:54,689
right, fine.
215
00:11:54,690 --> 00:11:58,150
Listen, everybody, come and get seated,
won't you, please? Now, look, the prison
216
00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:01,250
has given us less than an hour for this
party. So, Charles, why don't you start
217
00:12:01,250 --> 00:12:05,610
by opening your gifts? Oh, no, I thought
we said no gifts. Oh, now I'm
218
00:12:05,610 --> 00:12:06,610
embarrassed.
219
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:14,180
Moose, no, it's fine.
220
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,580
I've got lots of gifts. Look at them
all.
221
00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:19,000
Oh, oh, oh.
222
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:24,820
Oh, well, now I'll bet this one is from
you, Nadine, because it's so beautifully
223
00:12:24,820 --> 00:12:31,740
wrapped. Oh, I can't believe it. Exactly
what I wanted. Another box of birds
224
00:12:31,740 --> 00:12:33,240
of the New England waterways.
225
00:12:33,660 --> 00:12:38,160
Who said you'd run out? Although they
come in a box of 50. I only got two.
226
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:44,510
Huh. That's right. That's all I sent,
because I used the last few for... See,
227
00:12:44,690 --> 00:12:50,990
I organized a prison letter -writing
campaign to save our favorite TV show,
228
00:12:51,330 --> 00:12:52,330
Phenom.
229
00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:57,890
God, that was a good show, wasn't it,
Moose?
230
00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:01,370
Quirky, irreverent.
231
00:13:03,089 --> 00:13:06,210
Okay, well, we're falling behind
schedule here. You can open these gifts
232
00:13:06,250 --> 00:13:08,030
Let's have some music. Yeah, that's a
good idea.
233
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,710
I like that. Oh, yes.
234
00:13:10,030 --> 00:13:11,650
Play some swing or Sinatra.
235
00:13:12,090 --> 00:13:15,970
Something that fills the air with a lush
melody and a hint of romance.
236
00:13:16,950 --> 00:13:18,290
Would you care to dance?
237
00:13:18,510 --> 00:13:20,010
No. How about you?
238
00:13:24,230 --> 00:13:30,570
Are you all right?
239
00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:32,210
Did you hear him, Dana?
240
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:36,180
He was lying through his teeth. I'm
telling you, it's over for us. You
241
00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:37,139
trust men.
242
00:13:37,140 --> 00:13:40,200
Now, Nadine, don't jump to conclusions.
You and Charles have been married a long
243
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:44,140
time. I mean, maybe it's not what you
think it is.
244
00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:47,340
Charles.
245
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:48,600
Who is that?
246
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,000
Joan. Oh, you're here.
247
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:56,950
Oh, I'm so... happy. I'm so happy.
248
00:13:57,190 --> 00:13:58,890
I was afraid you wouldn't make it.
249
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:00,930
Everybody, this is Joan Mowbray.
250
00:14:01,210 --> 00:14:04,390
Joan, this is... I have no idea who
these people are.
251
00:14:05,150 --> 00:14:06,990
But they brought me a lot of swell
gifts.
252
00:14:07,530 --> 00:14:10,770
Hi. Charles, I don't think you've
introduced us.
253
00:14:11,610 --> 00:14:14,670
Nadine, Joan is someone very important
to me.
254
00:14:15,030 --> 00:14:19,170
We met just a few months ago, but since
that day, everything's changed.
255
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:21,250
In fact...
256
00:14:21,790 --> 00:14:25,070
She's about to make this a happier
birthday for me than I could have ever
257
00:14:25,070 --> 00:14:26,070
dreamed possible.
258
00:14:26,090 --> 00:14:27,730
Not in front of me she's not.
259
00:14:28,290 --> 00:14:30,950
That's it. I don't want to hear another
word out of either one of you. You just
260
00:14:30,950 --> 00:14:32,450
get out. Get out and you get out.
261
00:14:32,890 --> 00:14:35,750
I can't. Oh, I know that.
262
00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:39,190
What do you think, I just fell off a
turnip truck? That's part of the
263
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:41,450
you know. You always underestimated my
intelligence.
264
00:14:41,690 --> 00:14:45,150
You were the big stockbroker and I was
just dull little old Nadine. Nadine, if
265
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:48,430
may... Don't you call me Nadine Little
Miss Wonderbra.
266
00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:56,550
I am Mrs. Berkus, and I know who you
are, with your oil of Olay complexion
267
00:14:56,550 --> 00:14:58,650
that Miss L 'Oreal, frankly, I'm worth
it hair.
268
00:14:58,950 --> 00:15:02,190
Tell me something. Tell me. Why is it I
can't see you getting up at 6 o 'clock
269
00:15:02,190 --> 00:15:04,970
in the morning to make his three -and -a
-half -minute eggs and sitting through
270
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:08,390
all those boring client dinners of his
and telling him that that hair on his
271
00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:11,830
pillow is just normal shedding instead
of the beginning of a painful and costly
272
00:15:11,830 --> 00:15:14,450
treatment? Why is it I can't see you do
any of those things?
273
00:15:15,430 --> 00:15:18,490
Well, maybe it's because I'm Charles'
lawyer, not his lover.
274
00:15:20,470 --> 00:15:21,470
Ah.
275
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,800
Charles retained me to see if I could
get him an early parole.
276
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:30,840
And I'm pleased to announce I've been
successful.
277
00:15:31,820 --> 00:15:32,820
You what?
278
00:15:33,060 --> 00:15:34,360
Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean here?
279
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:36,400
Honey, don't you understand?
280
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,340
It means I don't have to serve the full
seven years.
281
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,100
I'm going to be home in two weeks.
282
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:51,460
I'm going to let you two have a little
time alone.
283
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:54,780
As long as you promise not to suffocate
her with the cake.
284
00:15:55,660 --> 00:15:57,600
I've been dying every time I've seen
that happen.
285
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,280
Come on, Moose. Let it go.
286
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:22,540
Charles Berkusville has a few tricks up
his sleeve, huh?
287
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:26,480
I've never seen anything like that look
on your face when you heard the words
288
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:27,480
early parole.
289
00:16:28,060 --> 00:16:31,300
Oh, God, I am so sorry about the way I
blew up like that.
290
00:16:31,940 --> 00:16:34,080
I honestly thought you were having an
affair.
291
00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:37,160
Oh, my God, Nadine.
292
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:38,760
We're a team.
293
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:44,500
But to see you snap like that, I had no
idea what a strain my imprisonment has
294
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:45,500
been on you.
295
00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:49,340
Having to take care of the house all by
yourself, pay all the bills,
296
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:51,940
Rotate the tires on the minivan.
297
00:16:53,820 --> 00:16:54,820
You poor kid.
298
00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:57,640
You did rotate the tires, didn't you?
299
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,240
Yes, yes. You poor kid.
300
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:05,420
But I'm going to make it up to you.
You'll see. Two weeks from today,
301
00:17:05,420 --> 00:17:06,920
is going to go right back to normal.
302
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,200
I'll get my old job back on Wall Street.
303
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:10,839
The stock market's in the toilet.
304
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,500
People are desperate. We'll be rich
again in no time.
305
00:17:14,839 --> 00:17:15,839
We'll take a vacation.
306
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:19,540
Well, like that time we rented that old
converted barn on the Cape. Oh, that was
307
00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:21,720
nice. That was nice. Yeah, you see?
Yeah.
308
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,540
But, Charles, I can't just up and run
off. I work now. You know that.
309
00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:26,880
Oh, but you don't have to. You can quit.
310
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:30,780
But I don't think I want to quit my job.
I like my job. It's the only one I've
311
00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:34,160
ever had. And I really love the feeling
I get when I go and I cash my check
312
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,180
every week. That's money. Oh, it's all
right. It's all right.
313
00:17:36,660 --> 00:17:38,620
So you can work.
314
00:17:38,860 --> 00:17:41,700
Yeah. I'm not saying we won't have some
adjusting to do.
315
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:44,320
They say you don't get used to life on
the outside.
316
00:17:44,970 --> 00:17:45,929
Just like that?
317
00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:47,950
I mean, I know.
318
00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:55,550
When I open my dresser drawer at home
and see all those polo shirts folded the
319
00:17:55,550 --> 00:18:01,910
way you do them, nice and square, with
the pony facing up on
320
00:18:01,910 --> 00:18:07,650
the left -hand corner, I'm going to
choke up a little.
321
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:15,340
Charles, can I ask you a question? I'm
innocent, I swear. No, no, no.
322
00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:18,140
I don't mean that.
323
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:20,560
Do you love me?
324
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:24,880
What?
325
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,260
Of course I do.
326
00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:32,200
That little pause, what was that for?
327
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:40,120
What pause? That little... I was trying
to think
328
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:40,999
of all of the...
329
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,840
The different reasons why I love you.
330
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:44,180
Like the poem.
331
00:18:45,580 --> 00:18:46,820
How do I love thee?
332
00:18:47,340 --> 00:18:48,780
Let me count the ways.
333
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:50,780
I love thee.
334
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,140
Jesus, how does the rest of that go?
335
00:18:56,480 --> 00:19:02,400
To the depth and breadth and height my
soul can reach when feeling out of sight
336
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,380
for the ends of being an ideal grace.
Yeah.
337
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:07,120
Yeah.
338
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:08,440
That's the one.
339
00:19:09,580 --> 00:19:11,640
You see, Nadine, we're a team.
340
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:17,000
That's why I can always turn to you and
say, Hey, Nadine, what was the name of
341
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,000
that poem?
342
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:22,820
Or, Hey, Nadine, where did we stay when
we went to Vail?
343
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,240
We did go to Vail, didn't we?
344
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:30,000
Charles, can I tell you about a dream I
keep having?
345
00:19:32,090 --> 00:19:36,890
I go to pick you up at the train
station, the way I always used to, and
346
00:19:36,890 --> 00:19:41,930
over and you lean in, you give me a kiss
on the cheek, as usual, and I slide
347
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:48,290
over and you get behind the wheel, and
we drive home, eyes staring straight
348
00:19:48,290 --> 00:19:49,290
ahead.
349
00:19:49,550 --> 00:19:55,530
We can only see one side of each other,
and it's always the same side.
350
00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:57,950
Don't you see, Charles?
351
00:19:59,000 --> 00:19:59,939
The car.
352
00:19:59,940 --> 00:20:02,020
It's a symbol of our whole life
together.
353
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,380
You didn't rotate the tires, did you?
354
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:12,760
All right, all right, all right. So
we'll switch sides. Oh, better yet,
355
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,980
get one of those Jags straight from
England with the steering on the other
356
00:20:16,180 --> 00:20:17,640
Bing, bang, boom. Problem solved.
357
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:23,000
Oh, you are just not getting this at
all, are you? You just don't get it. And
358
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,860
frankly, neither do I. God, I'm so
confused.
359
00:20:27,020 --> 00:20:28,020
I don't know.
360
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:33,040
Maybe there are other things in a
relationship that are more important,
361
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:37,560
kind of companionship that allows you to
accept all a person's side, not just
362
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,560
the one that's convenient or the one you
want to see.
363
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,540
Charles, I don't think I can go back to
life the way it was.
364
00:20:46,740 --> 00:20:48,060
I don't believe I said that.
365
00:20:49,180 --> 00:20:51,280
Oh, come on, Nadine.
366
00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:56,720
I'm locked up here in this hellhole for
the last two years, stuck with the
367
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:59,680
videotape library where nobody thinks
it's important to rewind.
368
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:04,800
Sitting here, counting the days until I
get out, and now you tell me this.
369
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:10,140
Charles, you don't love me.
370
00:21:11,340 --> 00:21:14,920
At least not the way I always dreamed of
being loved.
371
00:21:15,660 --> 00:21:19,960
I think I have to go my own way for a
little while.
372
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:22,530
See where it takes me.
373
00:21:23,830 --> 00:21:24,870
I don't believe this.
374
00:21:25,850 --> 00:21:31,730
If you think I'm going to let this end
here, after all the years together, and
375
00:21:31,730 --> 00:21:34,490
the kids, and the sex.
376
00:21:35,930 --> 00:21:37,530
Oh, Charles.
377
00:21:38,770 --> 00:21:41,330
Oh, you're right. Oh, we mustn't be
selfish about this.
378
00:21:42,830 --> 00:21:45,610
Yes, for the kids' sake, we should still
have sex.
379
00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:52,520
I told you, rules are rules.
380
00:21:52,780 --> 00:21:56,460
You can't go until your whole party's
here. That's not fair. Jack and Dana are
381
00:21:56,460 --> 00:21:57,460
already in the car.
382
00:21:57,700 --> 00:21:59,740
Then they'll get their punishment in
hell.
383
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:02,240
You have to wait for Mrs. Burke.
384
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:04,540
I can't hear.
385
00:22:05,980 --> 00:22:07,400
Damn these prison walls.
386
00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:10,820
She's knocking. Dave, Dave, come
quickly, please.
387
00:22:16,170 --> 00:22:19,850
Hi. Oh, hi, everybody. I'm sorry I kept
you waiting. So, Nadine, what's the
388
00:22:19,850 --> 00:22:20,850
story?
389
00:22:21,170 --> 00:22:25,790
Well, I may as well just tell you all
now. You're going to find out about it
390
00:22:25,790 --> 00:22:28,670
soon enough. Charles and I have decided
to separate.
391
00:22:29,430 --> 00:22:31,870
Oh, that's too bad. I feel terrible.
392
00:22:33,130 --> 00:22:36,770
I'd stay and talk to you about it, but
there is a birthday boy back there, and
393
00:22:36,770 --> 00:22:38,970
no one has sung to him yet.
394
00:22:40,250 --> 00:22:41,510
Now, would you excuse me?
395
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:46,720
Hey, Moose, wait for me.
396
00:22:47,340 --> 00:22:48,640
All right, you can all go now.
397
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,460
Let's get out of here. Wait a second.
Wait, wait. I'm just going to... Maybe
398
00:22:52,460 --> 00:22:53,460
it's okay.
399
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:57,080
Are you okay?
400
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,520
I guess not. She's hysterical again.
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
401
00:23:06,980 --> 00:23:07,980
Okay.
402
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:09,880
Time's up, folks.
403
00:23:25,230 --> 00:23:26,450
My name is Dave Simon.
404
00:23:26,670 --> 00:23:29,170
I'm a correctional officer in the
federal penitentiary system.
405
00:23:29,570 --> 00:23:34,010
All the things you saw in the preceding
program are untrue. To wit, you may not
406
00:23:34,010 --> 00:23:36,050
bring gifts of any kind to an inmate in
prison.
407
00:23:36,310 --> 00:23:39,270
Two, prisoners are not allowed to have
conjugal visits.
408
00:23:39,610 --> 00:23:41,270
Three, no birthday parties.
409
00:23:41,470 --> 00:23:44,990
And four, many states are removing
televisions from prison.
410
00:23:45,590 --> 00:23:49,050
So if you want to watch the Super Bowl
this year, don't break the law.
34257
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