All language subtitles for love_and_war_s03e03_the_squeaky_wheel

Dana, honey, how much longer do you
think you're going to be?

I don't know. I just got in the tub.

The tub? You're taking a bath?

Yeah, come on in.

Wow, what happened to my bed?

A woman is in it.

Guess you better get used to that, huh?

Boy, this is an interesting part of a
new relationship, isn't it?

Finding out all those intimate little
details about people.

So you're a bath person, huh?

Yeah, you need to go to the fish market
for me this morning so I can treat

myself.

Want to hop in? I don't mind company.

No, any other time, but I have my own
little morning routine.

Every day I wake up at 7 .15, I eat a
nice toasted bran muffin and have a

hot cup of coffee.

Uh -huh.

Very hot. The coffee's very hot.

And then I gather at my newspaper and I
come in here.

What I'm trying to say to you, Dana, is
that there's a certain window of

opportunity.

You know, if I'm not reading about the
Knicks in the next five minutes, well,

then that's it. The interstate's closed
for the next 24 hours.

Oh, I get it.

I mean, you're not so intimate.

You know, we haven't exactly had
fireworks in the bodily contact

Well, you know, Jack, things are never
going to be really fantastic between us

until we can completely relax together.

Sex is always better if you're not
worried about holding in your stomach.

You know, I'm starting not to be able to
look in the eye anymore. I think I'm

going to go next door to the coffee
shop. Jack, wait a minute.

Give me a kiss goodbye.

Danny, you're just not getting this, are
you?

Take your time. Guys like us need a
little longer.

Oh, you said it.

Guys like us.

Lots to deal with in there.

Oh, you got that right.

Lots to deal with.

Okay. Here you go. It's all yours.

You can just get out of your way in
here.

I'll be leaving. Hey, listen.

Is there something the matter with the
other stalls?

Because if there is, don't let me rush
it. First come, first serve. Oh, no.

No, there's nothing wrong with the other
stalls, actually.

You caught me. I thought I was alone.

I guess people like these dogs because,
you know, they're a little roomier.

Right, roomier.

Yeah, you know, I tell you, you must
know this. You can really spread out in

here. I mean, you know.

You've got one bar for the sports page,
and then the other bar I put the arts

and leisure on, you know.

Well, the lighting, hell, it's second to
none.

Oh, you said it. There's nothing like
the luxury of a handicapped stall.

It's like a Cadillac in there.

You know, when I skied off that cliff
with a solid sheet of ice below, picking

up speed with every foot of the 500 I
felt, I said to myself, hey, look at the

bright side. At least now I'll get to
use the comfy stall.

You know, I didn't really mean it that
way.

To tell you the truth, I grabbed it
without using my head. I completely

apologize. Don't sweat it, man. I
understand.

When the doctor gave me the news I'd
never walk again.

I said, Doc, you're not teasing me now,
are you? I'll actually have a prime

parking spot waiting for me right
outside the 7 -Eleven. Wow, I must be

luckiest son of a gun on the face of the
earth.

Look, I said I was sorry. Yeah,
everybody's always... Don't I know you?

You look really familiar. I don't think
so. I'll see you around. Wait, I do know

you from your picture in the paper. You
write that column.

You're Jack Stein.

That's right, I am.

So you follow my column? Oh, sure.

A couple of weeks ago, you wrote about
National Secretaries Day. I think I

remember what you said.

You said what a stupid holiday it was
because nobody could get into their

favorite restaurants for lunch. There'd
always be 40 secretaries in there with

all the tables pushed together. All
carrying roses that they got from

who make up the ridiculous holidays just
to hawk more flowers.

My mother's a secretary.

Oh.

She has carpal tunnel syndrome. All
right, now listen. She slaved away for

in a tiny airless office with no heat so
I could train for the Olympic ski team.

All right, look.

We're obviously getting nowhere. I think
I should leave. Oh, oh, Jack Stein has

to leave. He has to go type up his
precious column.

Hey, Jack, here's an idea I think you'll
love. I bet those ramps to the hospital

are expensive.

Let's get rid of them, and for the money
we save, we can melt down all the blind

people's canes. How's that sound?

Then we can take that material, have it
molded into more handicapped parking

signs, so everybody gets a good space.

Huh?

All right, that's it. The gloves are
coming off here, pal.

For your information, I have never, ever
parked in a handicapped parking space

because I don't own a car.

But now that I've met you, I plan to buy
one. And then I plan to drive to the

nearest bowling alley and park it on an
angle so I can block all 300 of the

handicapped parking spaces.

You're messing with the wrong guy here.
What in the hell is the logic of having

handicapped parking spaces in front of a
bowling alley? We bowl, you idiot.

If you can bowl, you don't need special
parking spaces.

You're gonna get it now. I'm gonna make
sure the whole city hears about this.

I'm gonna make sure Jack Stein is one of
the most hated men in New York. Hey,

don't take credit for something I've
already done.

Guy was unbelievable. He would not cut
me any slack.

And you know, he's the type of person to
have a chip on his shoulder no matter

what his luck was.

Jack, you didn't do anything so
terrible.

I admit, I have used the big room he
stole more than once myself.

Got a black tie gala, a few little white
wine. I'm not proud, but those grab

bars are a lifesaver when you got your
gown over your head and your pantyhose

down around your ankles.

Thanks for that image, Nadine.

Now I know what to beat for Halloween
this year.

A little prosciutto and melon for my
pals. Don't say anything.

Oh, yeah. That sounds like this guy
really overreacted. You were lucky you

out of there. I mean, that's not an
angle you want to be taking a punch

What are you talking about?

Jack got in a little scuffle this
morning.

You got in a scuffle with who?

A guy.

A guy? A guy in a wheelchair. Oh, my
God, Jack. You got into a fight with a

in a wheelchair?

Well, he was mean. Oh, he was mean.

Yep, knowing Jack as well as I do, I'm
surprised he had the self -control to

just walk away.

You just walked away?

Well... I knew it!

I spent most of my time apologizing for
using a handicapped stall. And what did

you spend the rest of your time doing?

Talking.

About parking spaces.

Parking spaces?

Yeah, I said I had nothing against
handicapped parking spaces.

I simply wanted to allow while there's
always ten of them in front of a bowling

alley.

everybody lately, huh? I mean, one wrong
step and bang, here come the PC police.

Well, I'm sick of all this political
correctness. I mean, what is it anyway?

it handicapped? Is it disabled? Is it
physically challenged?

Is it black or African American or Asian
American or Native American American?

Blind people are sight challenged. Short
people are height challenged.

Stewardesses are now flight attendants.
And waiters are now servers.

God forbid I should eat in a restaurant
with a black, blind, short waitress.

I'd have to call her an African
-American sight -challenged, height

server. Oh, oh, oh, oh, but if I happen
to call her Miss, hell, she'll jab me in

the thigh with a steak knife because I
didn't call her Miss.

And speaking of steak, oh, I will eat a
steak, and I will enjoy that steak, and

I will not feel guilty afterwards, even
if I find out the damn cow had a name.

And don't tell me I can't compliment a
woman on her appearance in my office

anymore without being sent to the Bob
Packwood... rehabilitation center.

You know, we're always talking about
violence in our society, but you know

I think we have created so much anxiety
and tension trying not to offend people

that the only way we can make ourselves
feel better is to shoot each other.

Now there, I'm done.

Jack's kind of right.

I mean, we all seem to be a little
overly sensitive about things.

That's right, Ray.

It's as if you'd be offended if I called
you a garbage man.

Well, uh, actually, Jack, the term
garbage man does sound a little

Oh, here we go.

Seriously, we serve a valuable purpose.

It's a simple issue of respect. Right,
it was just an example. That's why we

call ourselves sanitationists. Let it
go. Actually, sanitation engineer is the

proper term.

Why stop there? Why not call yourself
the emperor of coffee grounds and use

puggies?

Oh, police.

You people don't know the half of it.
Try walking a mile in my shoes.

Do you realize the abusive name -calling
I have to put up with on a daily basis?

It's not easy being a Republican.

Uh -oh, Jack, Jack, don't turn around.
Our editor's here.

Act casual and just tell me, is that
staff meeting on absenteeism today or

tomorrow?

It was yesterday.

Ah, well, then let's get our story
straight. Yesterday, I was in a coma.

that? Coma.

I thought I'd find you here.

Hey, Amal, what are you doing down here
with the masses?

Couldn't get a table at the Russian tea
room?

Let me buy you a cup of coffee. No, no,
it's okay, Amal. Don't argue with me,

Stein. Will you just sit down?

All right, let me cut to the chase.

I had a visitor today.

It was a guy. A guy? A guy in a
wheelchair.

Your bowling buddy. Ring a bell?

Oh, man, I can't believe he went to the
office. I can't believe this. Oh,

believe it. He was very unhappy, Jack.

He said you got into an altercation in a
public toilet?

Oh, for God's sakes. He told me what you
said. Very colorful.

He managed to take a swipe at his
mother, too.

Waitress, can I get a scotch here? Yes,
of course, but actually, I'm not your

waitress. I'm your server, Nadine. Well,
then serve me the damn drink.

What's the magic word? Hit.

Close enough.

It was no big deal. I mean, if I don't
get at least one death threat a week,

not doing my job, right? We've got a big
problem now.

Because you've managed to pick on the
president of a disabled organization.

And he's threatening to pick at the
paper unless you print a public apology

your column. I can't do that. I didn't
do anything wrong. I know, I know, I

know. We're journalists. We can't cave
in to every pressure group that comes

along. Yada, yada, yada. That's right.
Sure.

It would be wrong of me to suggest that.

If you had a little space left at the
end of your column and you wanted to

something, a few lines maybe to draw
attention to, a very worthy cause, maybe

avoid a public relations nightmare.

No, no, as a journalist, that's
something I could never ask you to do.

Oh, boy.

It's going to be a pretty sight.

Forty wheelchairs circling the lobby.

Going great on CNN.

You know, maybe if I'm lucky, I could
get in the shot.

Showing off the fresh tire tracks on my
back.

Look, Emil, I don't cave in when the
going gets rough.

I mean, if I tested the water before I
jumped in, if I found out what most

people think before I formed my opinion,
I'd be a network executive.

And I'm not going to let this guy turn a
minor incident into a cause select. Of

course not.

We can handle this. We have other ways.

Listen, here's what I think you should
do.

Write out a check, Jack.

A small donation to the guy's
organization.

It'll show you, not the insensitive,
bigoted boob they're accusing you of

in really big letters on their picket
signs.

Hiya, Mel.

The blini's a little too rich for you
for the Russian tea room?

Dana, Jack and I are in the middle of a
philosophical discussion, and we could

use a third opinion.

If it's anything about this wheelchair
incident, I don't want anywhere near

landmark. No, no, no, Dana, it's okay.

I mean, the guy in the wheelchair is now
threatening to picket the paper if I

don't write an apology in my column. And
I feel as though that a forced apology,

well, it's hypocritical. Now, what
should I do?

I really don't feel comfortable in the
military. No, no, Dana, come on. It's

okay. Look, we're a couple now. I value
your opinion.

I want you to speak freely.

Go ahead.

Well, okay.

I guess I'm wondering what you were
doing in that stall in the first place.

What's been a reason for it?

I mean, you know, the guy's probably
exhausted from banging his head against

wall trying to get some measly piece of
legislation passed that might make his

life a little easier.

You know, unfortunately, nobody ever
hears you unless you yell a little.

I think we've got to dig a little deeper
and try to find some kind of compassion

because there but for the grace of God
go I.

Can I see you in the kitchen, please?

Yeah, yes. Uh, excuse us. Would you
please come out?

What the hell was that all about?

Why don't you back me up out there?

I tried to stay out of it. You asked me
for my honest opinion.

Yes, but I was talking to you in code.

I thought you would recognize the
obvious unwritten code that you're

support me in front of my boss.

Well, maybe it would help if I knew what
the code was.

Is it tapped on the table? Are you going
to cross your...

All right, all right, now you're getting
sarcastic. I just expected you to agree

with me. Oh, I see. Now that we're
together, you want me to stand by my

Now, is that so terrible?

Tammy Faye did it for Jim.

Mrs. Schindler did it for Oscar.

And Hillary does it for Bill.

Oh, and she's brilliant at it.

He's here. Oh, he's here. No, no, no,
he's here. He's here.

The rolling, the challenge, the
physically, the gimp.

I didn't know whether to offer him a
booth or a table. We don't see that many

handicapped people in Westchester. We
hide them. Unless they've had a riding

mower accident, which has an odd kind of
status symbol. I don't know what I'm

saying. Just stop. Stop. She's right.

There's Mr.

Happyface right there. Okay, he's
managed to find me.

Now, Jack, I don't think you should go
out there. I think you've caused enough

trouble for one day. Oh, now, wait a
minute.

Sit.

Stay.

Oh, it's okay. Let me help you out. I
got excellent upper body strength.

No, thank you, really. I'll just wait
for your ramp.

Hey.

He wants to wait for the ramp.

Ramp?

Ramp?

Hey, which one of you jokers took the
ramp?

No, it's okay.

Here we go. Here we go.

All right.

Yeah,

we got a physically challenged guy down
at the Department of Sanitation.

Uh -huh.

Tony Alberghini?

Well, you probably knew him.

Why would I?

Both Italian?

Ray.

I need it somewhere.

Good afternoon, sir.

Let me introduce myself. I'm Dana
Palladino. I'm your chef here at the

Rock. Do you need any help?

No, thank you. Just waiting for
somebody.

Oh, well, if you change your mind, I'd
be happy to escort you to a table or a

booth. A booth?

Yeah. That would be a little difficult,
wouldn't it? I'm in a wheelchair.

You're in a wheelchair? Oh, my God, I
didn't even notice that. David, did you

notice that? Did you notice he was in a
wheelchair?

Nadine. I don't know where to be.

You know, there is something you could
help me with.

Where's your ramp?

Our ramp?

Actually, we don't have a ramp.

You know, the building's very old. This
is typical, just typical.

I've got to be honest with you.

I don't blame you for being frustrated.

I understand your anger.

We have a lot in common. We do.

Yes.

I am a woman functioning in a man's
world.

Do you have any idea how difficult it
has been for me as a female chef to get

even a fraction of respect?

I have hit my head on the glass ceiling
so many times I use Windex instead of

hairspray.

But I'm here, here with you.

Claude and support whatever you have to
do to have your voice heard because I

know what it's like to be one of
society's underdogs.

Cut the crap, salad girl. Why don't you
save it for one of your now meetings?

You don't know what it's like to be me.
You'll never know.

I was just trying to be nice.

Being in a wheelchair doesn't give you
the license to be rude.

Yes, it does.

You're more than rude. You're obnoxious.

I'll tell you what. You want to eat
someplace with a ramp, how about I set

table for you on the Jersey Turnpike?

Oh, God.

You're a real piece of work, lady.

How insensitive can you possibly be?

I pity the man you go home to at the end
of the night, if there is one.

Oh, there is one.

And he would be me.

See how it's done?

See how I'm standing up for you here?

Well, well, well. But this is my old
friend Jack Stein.

So the two of you are an item, huh? Oh,
yes, we're an item. A major item.

Want to take some notes here?

I don't need any help.

So, uh, how did you two meet, anyway?
Rolling homeless people for change in

park?

tell you something else. You know that
movie, My Left Foot?

I hated that.

I believed that he could open the door.
I believed he could paint the picture.

But when he saw the Rubik's Cube, I
said, I'm out of here.

Jeez, what a hothead. I bet she can
really get in your face, huh?

I almost see why you used the big stall
this morning.

You needed a little breathing room.

Yeah, well, she's a little opinionated,
but so am I.

And so are you.

Of course, I'd rather be sleeping with
her, no offense.

How long have you been married?

Oh, we're not married. We're just, you
know, testing the ice to see if it'll

hold us.

Good idea. You don't want to rush into
anything.

Women, can't live with them?

Can't poop in front of them.

Look, about this morning, I want to tell
you...

The reason I came in here looking for
you was I had a few more things to say.

But you know what?

I've had my two fights before lunch.
That's my limit.

I just needed to blow off steam.

I do that when I'm having a bad day,
which is a lot.

Have you had lunch yet?

No, I've been busy trying to get you
fired.

Come on, I'll get you a table down here.
We'll get a bite.

And talk this damn thing out.

By the way, the little hothead in there
makes an excellent pasta.

I'd be happy to test it for you first.

It's a deal.

Hey, get my friend here a beer, would
you please?

You know, Dana, just seeing you standing
there gives me great comfort.

I can honestly say to myself, there but
for the grace of God, go I.

Enjoy it while you can because, you
know, very rarely in this relationship

you ever have anything to hold over my
head again. Look, I was just supporting

you in a tough situation.

That's what people in relationships do,
support each other.

Look, Jack, I can't change who I am. If
you ask me what I think, I am going to

tell you the truth.

And I would think that that would make
you happy to know that you can always

count on me to be honest.

For instance, these pants you're
wearing?

What's wrong with them? You don't like
my pants?

They fit perfectly.

this snug without actually lowering my
sperm count.

Let me tell you something else about
yourself.

Oh, what have I started?

You know the way your eyes crinkle up
when you smile?

That takes my breath away.

Really?

Yeah.

Jack, just because we have a
disagreement doesn't mean I don't care

More than I thought I'd ever care about
anybody.

Really?

Yeah. Is that what you were afraid of?

Every time we have a disagreement, it's
going to be the end for us.

You're not getting rid of me that easy.

Really?

Besides, disagreement keeps the fire and
passion in our relationship.

I thought that's what sex was for.

We're working on that.

Let's work on it now, okay?

And what if you just said nothing?

I mean, that wouldn't be lying. That
would be... Sean!

What do you think, Dana?

Dana, I said, what do you think of that?

Dana?

Dana?

Doug, you done with the sports section?

them out of toilet paper.