All language subtitles for love_and_war_s02e03_i_only_have_eyes_for_you

Hey, guys.

Beer, please? Beer,

please? Yeah.

So, what's up?

Well, they say Clinton's planning to
send troops to... Ray, what the hell are

you wearing?

Oh, this.

This is the city's new uniform for all
the sanitation employees that are

currently assigned to Times Square.

They thought it'd be a good idea to make
us more visible, you know, for safety

reasons.

That's nice to know they care.

Well, Ray, I think it looks very, uh...
What's the word I'm looking for?

Loud. Stupid.

Foolish. It's no word, really, but it's
a script of all human dignity.

All right, all right, come on.

That's enough.

I hate the darn jumpsuit.

Put it on, it looks like I've gained 30
pounds.

This morning I stood motionless on a
curb a little too long and a German

shepherd peed on me.

Oh, wow.

Look at her.

Boy, can you believe how beautiful she
is?

I tell you, if I wasn't involved with
Dana right now... Hey,

Abe, I need a good Chiani for my
Maranara, so if you've got any... Hi,

Hi, Dana.

You're looking very lovely tonight.

Thank you.

So do you.

So when did Santa tap you for the head
elf spot at the workshop?

Oh, Data, that's so very clever.

A vodka gimlet for the lady over there,
eh, please? And then she'll be ready to

order right away, she tells me, because
she's not meeting anyone.

She's eating alone.

I wonder what her story is. Why does it
have to be a story?

A gorgeous woman like that alone? Come
on. There's a story.

I'll tell you what her story is. This is
a career woman who has devoted the very

best years of her life to her work.

Everything was go, go, go. But now she's
getting older.

She's alone.

There's no husband. There are no
children.

So tonight she's thinking she'll eat her
solitary little dinner amidst the

camouflaging chatter of a busy
restaurant trying to feel, oh,

some connection to that world she turned
her back on.

Ring a bell, Meg.

Hey, guys.

A beer for me, please.

I had a great day.

I just finished my column on gays in the
military.

Did you know that there are men on
submarines whose beds are right

nuclear warhead? That's right.

Every night they go to sleep with a big
atomic bomb right over their heads. So

here's my question.

Should they really be worrying about
whether the guy in the next bed is going

ask them to dinner? I mean, come on.

So are we talking about what Ray's
wearing, or has that been covered?

Jack, will you give me a break?

The city bought these for all the
workers in Times Square.

I knew when we asked for a dental plan,
they'd find some kind of way to get back

at us. Well, that's perfect. My tax
dollars paid for this.

This column is writing itself, telling
you this city is nearly bankrupt.

bleeding me with taxes.

What is everybody looking at? Oh, that
woman over there. We were just wondering

what someone like her is doing all alone
in a restaurant.

Well, I can tell you what she's doing
right now.

She's flirting with me.

Yeah, you see the way she looked at me
and then she looked away?

Oh, please.

She glanced briefly at the bar.

Possibly because she thought she saw a
large fireball out of the corner of her

eye.

I'm sorry, Ray.

It's okay coming from you, Dana.

In fact, it could be interpreted as
playful banter, not necessarily just a

shot.

Oh, boy, did you see that?

I mean, this is getting embarrassing.

It's like I have a big sign on me that
reads, on the rebound, come and get it.

Does anyone have a pair of hip boots?
It's getting pretty deep in here.

She just looked at me, then stroked her
throat.

Any time a woman looks at a man and then
touches her face and or her neck, she's

flirting.

And who told you that?

Dana, let me take a moment to educate
you.

Men are born with expertise in certain
areas. For instance, who came up with

theory of relativity?

Somebody named Albert, not somebody
named Susan.

We can put men on the moon, we can
balance a checkbook, and we can

tell when a woman is pretty once.

Oh, Jack, you're absolutely right.

Men do have a certain expertise that
women do not have. For example, I

that World War II was started by someone
named Adolf, not someone named Cindy.

Hey, Jack, she's looking over you again.

Huh? All right. Okay.

I'll tell you the truth. Ever since
Wally left me, women have been coming on

me all over the place.

Practically being harassed.

Even at work.

Didn't I finally get to speak to Eileen
Peterson?

Yes, you did, Jack. And she was very
confused because she's 72.

She's still a woman, Meg. She still has
nudes.

Jack, that woman is not flirting with
you or any other man. Let me tell you

something. If a woman is flirting, she
doesn't just look at you for a second.

She catches your eye and then holds your
gaze like this.

Oh, my God, now she's hitting on me.

Will I ever know peace in my life?

All right, listen, I think I ought to
settle this.

I'll take a table for dinner alone
tonight.

And I will bet you that before the meal
is over, you will see that woman get up,

come over to my table, and give me her
phone number. Do you want to bet?

Are you kidding? Of course I'll take
that.

I really shouldn't do this. This is like
bribing a congressman. There's no

challenge in it.

So, what do we want to bet?

Oh, how humiliating can I get?

How about if I... You...

Have to dance Swan Lake in the middle of
the restaurant at peak dinner hour in a

tutu.

Very, very cute.

Very sweet.

Dana, listen, and if you lose, which you
will, you have to clean my entire

apartment. That's not fair. Well, and
I've really let it go lately, too. I

especially the laundry. I have underwear
in my hamper that could qualify as

fossil fuel.

Now, wait a minute. Hold it. We have not
decided yet what you'll be wearing.

Is the French maid outfit a cliché or is
it a classic? I think we'll go with the

classic. I think we'll go with the
classic.

Jack, you poor unfortunate boy.

Enjoy your meal tonight because tomorrow
you're going to be the evening's

entertainment.

Here we go, sir. One of our finest
tables.

Lady.

This table is no good. The woman can't
even see me. I'm sorry, sir. This is the

best I can do without a reservation.

Nadine, there's an empty table right
next to her. Really? I don't see it.

Oh, for God.

I mean, Jack just sat down. She looked
over right away with interest. She

over at him with alarm. He was packing
away like an executive at Philip Morris.

Now she's writing in her appointment
book. I wonder what that means, huh?

It means nobody bother me. I do it all
the time. I always keep a little

with me so if I think some guy's trying
to make eye contact with me, I can just

pull it out.

What do you write? A little notes to
myself.

Get loafers resold, pick up hair
conditioner, buy guns.

Just took her earrings off.

I don't know what that's saying.

My earlobes hurt.

Oh, please.

Look, there goes the jacket.

Man, she's practically stripping.

Jacket's got a gift.

Man, I can't think too much more of
this.

Suddenly everything's so sexually
charged, you know?

Hey, Dana.

Dana, tell me, what would make you
notice a guy in a crowded restaurant?

I don't think you need to ask that
question tonight, Reg.

So how's it going?

She's ignoring him, right?

I wonder if they make tutus with
athletic supporters.

Another give or take. You won't believe
what Jack is doing. He's sending a drink

over to her table. Roll ball move.

And so Jack.

I don't know. Sending a drink to a woman
can be misinterpreted. It's a risky

move. Very risky.

A man often fights it here.

Ooh, I'll see what she says when I give
it to her.

I'm sure she'll take a pen. No, no, no.
Hold on, Nadine. I think I'll take this

drink over to her myself.

I wouldn't want anybody trying to sway
her one way or another.

Step aside.

All right.

Now, if she drinks the drink, that means
she's attracted to Jack.

If she drinks the drink, that means she
thinks, all right, free booze.

If she drinks the drink, it means she
has a hollow leg.

No, it's not funny.

It's... Drink can be a comfort to a
woman like her, you know.

Actually, after Charles went off to the
pokey and the kids were grown, I found

myself tippling.

You know, I'd have a glass of wine at
lunch and dry sherry before dinner.

Cognac after dinner.

A shot of brandy and a glass of milk
before I went to bed.

Oh, this just went on, you know, for a
while until one day I caught myself

pouring Cuervo Gold over my frosted mini
-wheats.

And then I said to myself, I said,
Missy, you may have... I have a problem.

Excuse me, miss. This is from an
admirer.

Isn't that nice?

Oh, thank you.

Sending somebody a drink. Now, that's a
great old tradition.

Remember how they used to do that in
those old movies and nobody ever got mad

anything?

Instead, the lady was flattered and
usually gave the gentleman her phone

Here's your drink.

Well, thank you. That's very nice.

Let me know if you need a pencil or
something.

Excuse me, do you mind if I ask what
sort of perfume you're wearing? It

me of... Hot fish coming through.

All righty, what have we here? Delicious
snored fish poached in white wine and

shallots and finished in a lime cilantro
sauce. Now, don't let yourself get

distracted. You have to focus all your
attention on the food or you'll miss the

subtlety.

Bon appétit.

Merci.

Don't you think it's a little too early
to gloat?

I don't see her passing her phone
number, doing a table dance for you yet.

I just wanted her to see me talking to
the chef, you know, like I'm a VIP here.

Now, you laugh like I just said
something incredibly witty.

something, Jay.

Is she really your type?

The cold, statuesque blonde?

Why do you ask? I don't know. It's just
so predictable.

Well, I have been known to take a detour
off the main highway from time to time.

Really?

Ever get lost?

If I was lucky.

What the hell are we talking about?

I thought you knew.

Just tell me what you want for dinner,
all right?

Bring me something that looks really
expensive and impressive. I wanted to

I'm, you know, sophisticated, like I
know something about food.

Fine.

It's all over. He's pregnant.

Not so fast. Look.

My God, he asked her for butter.

Of all the low, no good, manipulative...
Oh, she is desperate. She's desperate.

Casper, she's lonely. She's childless.
Her ovaries are calling the shots here.

Oh, here she comes. Look.

Showtime, folks. Come on, stop. Right
here.

Damn,

that's all smooth.

Well, well, well.

Did you see that?

You know, I should teach a course.

But then again, can a talent really be
taught?

Anyway, it won't be long now. You see
how she touched my table as she went by?

She probably went to the ladies' room so
she could check her hair and put on a

little more makeup for me.

Or to get the pistol she left taped in
the toilet.

Now, Dana, let's not be a sore loser,
okay?

Oh, and by the way, you'd better
point... on a whole day tomorrow.

I mean, as I said before, my apartment's
a disgrace.

My last cleaning lady brought charges
against me.

Tell me something, Jack.

When you fly, do you have to buy an
extra seat for your ego, or do you just

it in your lap?

Boy, that looks great.

You might have asked what you're having?

Sour fish.

Oh, excellent choice.

Nice, juicy piece of sour fish.

They do that very well here.

Sea bass?

Meso -meso.

What are you having?

Oh, well, the chef never lets me order
off the menu anymore. She always cooks

something special for me. I guess that's
because she knows I have a pretty

sophisticated palate.

I'm a bit of a gourmand.

Really?

Here it comes now.

Can't wait to see what she's done for
me.

Boy, I'm starving.

Ah, thank you.

Your wiener, sir?

I wouldn't want to smother the taste.

Anything at all with your wiener, sir.

No, I think you've thought of
everything.

You may go.

Sir.

What? May I suggest a wine with your
wiener?

Let's see where we stand.

Okay, in the men's column we have two
leg crosses, three hair twists, one

removal. Well, don't forget she fingered
her blouse. But she did not button. It

doesn't count if you don't unbutton. Oh,
none of this means squat. When she

gives Jack a phone number, the ball game
is over and we win. Well, she's

polishing off that pear tart pretty
fast, and she hasn't given him anything

I just better move her along before Jack
pretends he needs the Heimlich

maneuver.

Oh, I see you ate every bit of that pear
tart. Aren't you a good eater?

And drinker.

Well, I can see that you're a working
woman, so if you'd like, I can bring you

your check right away. And that way, you
can rush home, get right to bed, and

wake up nice and early tomorrow morning
so you can start that rat race all over

again. Actually, I'd love some more
coffee.

Oh, really?

Oh, do you think that's wise? It can
keep you up something terrible.

I'm drinking decaf. You hope.

I can't really remember.

Which pot I poured it from.

Oh, I'm just a terrible waitress, aren't
I? You know, I bet you just want to

have your check right now so that you
don't have to put up with this kind of

incompetence any longer. What has
happened to the standard of service?

All right, all right, fine.

Uh -huh. More coffee.

That's annoying.

Why is she doing that?

She's lingering.

Lingering is good. I'm going to go till
Jackie's ahead.

Really recovered from the whole wiener
debacle.

Now she's gonna see me talking to a guy.
Looks like something you should attach

a basket to and fly over the wine
country with.

I'm sorry, Jack.

I just thought you should know she
ordered more coffee.

Lingering, huh? Exactly.

So you gonna make another move now?

You gonna pick up her check? No. No,
that's too aggressive. That could scare

off. No, now I will just wait.

Sit here and...

sip my coffee nice and slowly, and in a
minute she's going to get up, come over

to my table like she's going to go to
the ladies' room and give me her phone

number.

I've got to say, Jack, I admire your
style.

I've learned much here today.

Maybe it'll help me finally get
somewhere with Dana.

Ray, what's going to help you with Dana
is if she looks too long and he clips

and goes blind.

What a night for everybody to order
their meat well done.

Did he offer cash yet?

Well, Jack says we can all just sit back
and watch.

He said in a couple minutes she's going
to get up, make another cross to the

ladies' room, stop at his table, and
give him her number.

Aha! The check! Sorry, sports fans, the
clock is running down for this time,

man. Oh, it ain't over till it's over.
He's just trying to keep the game going,

give the fans their money's worth.

A gold card. I mean, I suppose she
thought that was going to comfort her in

old age.

Come on, Jack.

Shoot from midcourt. You got nothing to
lose, man.

Ask if she's a folks model.

Anything.

Well, ladies, I must say that right now
I am very proud to be a man.

I'm with you, Abe.

Yes, this is a very historic day here at
the Blue Shamrock.

From henceforth, it'll be called Stein
Day.

Beer will flow in the streets, and all
over the land, men's apartments will be

clean and tidy.

Shut up right before I wave you in front
of a bull.

if you will, when it comes to women.

And when I say that a woman is flirting
with me, well, it means a woman is

flirting with me. Do you grasp that now?

One dumb woman on the whole planet, and
she happens to be eating here.

You know, I wasn't going to hold you to
our bet because I knew the lesson would

be learned, but then you pulled that
whole wiener stunt and charged me $36

it.

That's three bucks an inch.

be at my place tomorrow at 9 a .m. to
fluff and fold my scantiness.

Excuse me. I think I left my earrings on
my table.

Oh, here, let me look.

Oh, yeah. I found them. Here they are.

Here.

Lucky you. Oh, thank you. I don't know
why I wear these. They always wind up

feeling like... It grabbed onto my
earlobes.

Something wrong?

I was just looking to see if that creepy
little man is still here.

He kept staring at me all through
dinner, and I just started to get a very

feeling about him.

Really?

Maybe I'm paranoid, but I spoke to him
just to be safe, and I told him that if

he followed me out of here, I was going
to call the police.

very strange, Sheila.

The kind of guy that lives in his
parents' basement, drinks Tang, calls

radio. Zach?

Zach?

Well, um, listen, your food is fabulous,
and I think once Zach gets out, this

place is going to start attracting a
much better clientele.

But in the meantime, I really enjoyed
myself during my meal, just speculating

what the life stories must be of these
weird people at the bar.

Well, thanks for the vote of confidence.
I'm hoping for a better clientele

myself.

Come back.

Bring friends.

All right. Bye now.

Dad.