All language subtitles for its_garry_shandlings_s04e09_the_wedding_show

Thanks and welcome to the show. Thank
you. Welcome to the show. Do you like

shirt? Yes.

Thank you.

It's a wedding gift. They're just
rolling in faster than I can keep track.

Oh, you guys love that one. Well, you've
come on a really special night because

tonight is the show where I get married.

This is actually the last sort of
monologue I'm going to do as a single

it's kind of weird because the next time
you see me, I have to...

be doing new married jokes like like i
just made love to my wife and i said was

it good for you and she said you know i
don't think this is good for anyone you

can see there's a huge there'll be a
huge difference anyway i'm really

it's going to be great phoebe has
actually picked out a very quaint little

called the edgewood manor which is a
beautiful place that's where we're

married very quaint like this show so i
was writing it and um And I know what

you're thinking. Were you registered?

So let's get that out of the way.

No, I know you're thinking, I'm
watching, Gary. Is it still time to send

gift? And there is.

I actually have prepared a catalog of
things that I've always wanted. And why

don't, during the opening credits, we'll
run it and you can take a look and pick

something out for me.

And don't forget, you are allowed to
chip in if you want to buy something

big.

Good luck. See you then.

This is the theme to Gary's show.

The theme to Gary's show. Gary called me
up and asked if I would play a theme

song. I'm almost halfway finished. How
do you like the theme? How do you like

the theme to Gary's show?

This is the theme to Gary's show. The
opening theme to Gary's show. This is

music that you hear as you watch the
credits.

of where I'm going to win.

Gary Sandling Show.

This was the theme to Gary Sandling
Show.

That's the man of the hour. Hey, pal.
Hey, Brad.

Hey, you want some oatmeal?

Yeah, sure, I'm due.

Did you have fun last night? Oh, yeah, I
had a good time.

Gary, did I mention to you how honored I
am that you chose me, your manager, to

be your best man?

Did I ask you to be my best man? No, I
didn't. I don't remember. I've seen you,

kid, and that's your special talent. But
I've got to tell you, I am touched.

I am deeply, deeply touched.

Oh, that's great. I could imagine you
would be. I would be.

But I don't remember asking you to be my
best man, but great.

Gary, you really are... nervous about
this wedding. No, I'm nervous in

It has nothing to do with the wedding.
Don't be.

I've talked to a few club managers
around the country, and the feedback I'm

getting is of a very, very positive
nature. They're excited for you. Brad, I

don't care what the club owners think,
really. Gary, Gary, Gary, don't say that

even in jest. Brad, please. The reason
I'm getting married has nothing to do

with my career. I happen to be very much
in love. I've got a little career

bulletin for you.

Oh, for God's sake.

to talk about my career with your mouth
full.

When love came through that door, your
bookings were about to walk out.

It's not going to be that. Hey, boys.

Hey,

wait for the door. My bookings. You're
letting my bookings out.

I'm sure there aren't any out there.
Pete, you want some oatmeal? No, no, no.

just had lunch.

You know, that was some bachelor party.
You should know, Pete. You should know.

Hey, you know, Brad, you are a wonderful
dancer.

She inspired me.

What about you, Pete? What about the way
you sing?

I know talent, pal, and you can sing.
Oh, he's already no talent. It's

a guesswork. Gary, Gary, Brad.

Brad knows talent. He's the best. Listen
to the man. Listen to the man.

That's it.

Gary, I want to tell you something.

I want you to listen. I am honored.

What happened?

I am honored that you asked me to be
your best man.

I'm Gary's best man. Oh, no, Brad, Brad,
try Gary at me.

Gary, I was so excited last night, I
couldn't sleep the whole night.

That's your problem. I look like a baby,
and I'm Gary's best man. No way, Brad.

He asked me. Gary, you asked me to be
the best man. How can you ask two people

to be your best man? Oh, man,

I hope there's not more than one bride.

I swear.

He's joking again. I'm the best man.

You got one bride, right?

You want some oatmeal, honey? Gary,
you're not going to believe what

There was a fire at the Edgewood Manor.

Can you believe that? What happened? I
don't know what happened. I just heard

on the news. I mean, it's burned to the
ground. Gary, we're going to have to

call all the guests. Honey, you're
kidding. We're going to have to call the

caterer. We're going to have to call the
florist. Honey, you're not serious, are

you? We're going to have to delay the
wedding. Delay?

Delay? What's with delay?

That's airport talk. I know every room
in this town, and I'll find you

something. The wedding is still on, and
that's best man talk.

Oh, no, no, no. You know, I know a lot
of places. I'm the best man.

I thought Graham was your best man.

What's the limit?

You take a boat to Catalina, you get
married on the way there, and then you

a reception on the way back.

And you don't even stop. You just loop
right around the island. You know, Gary,

I couldn't do that. I'd throw up. You
know me. I get seasick on those things.

What about the botanical garden? Oh, no.
I'd throw up there.

I don't know if it's a problem or not.

Oh, here's a place. Be cremated at sea.

Gary.

That would pull everybody down, wouldn't
it?

What about the botanical garden?
Seriously. Honey, the botanical garden

available until May. I don't want to
wait that long. Come on. Well, you're

to need that much time to notify your 17
best men.

You know, none of this would have
happened at all, honey, if we'd gone to

Justice of the Peace downtown like I
wanted to in the first place. Oh, so now

it's I told you so. It is not an I told
you so thing, honey. You know, I bet

you're the guy who burned down that
Edgewood Manor. I bet you are. You know,

would do such a thing just to prove a
point. I did not do that. I hired a man.

I can't believe you're going to say
that. No, no, no.

Mr. Stravely. Don't get up. Sit down.
What do you do?

Sit down. Mr.

Stravely has a great idea. Brad, have a
seat.

Gary, I want to talk to you now, not
just as the head of the network, but as

your best man.

Eighteen. I have eighteen.

The network wants to throw you a wedding
on the air.

Wow. A wedding. Wow.

A wedding on television.

Oh. That's just a beautiful, beautiful
offer, Mr. Stradley.

Yeah, it is, Mr. Shavely. I don't know
what to say. That's really sweet. Phoebe

and I don't know how to thank you,
really. But, you know, we had really

small, intimate wedding. That's why we
booked the Edgewood Manor.

You're hurting me, Gary.

Don't you think that I, of all people,
would know after all this time what kind

of a wedding you two would want? Well,
of course you would, Mr.

Shavely. Gary, Gary, Gary, let Mr.

Shavely speak. Just relax.

Look, what we want to do, see, is we
want to recreate in the studio.

The interior of the Edgewood Manor. The
interior of the Edgewood Manor. And then

marry you two in that romantic setting,
surrounded by your family and your

friends. You'll be surrounded by your
family and your friends.

Brad, I can hear the man. He's sitting
right here.

I don't know what to say. Why don't you
try saying, thank you very much, Mr.

Stravely. You've saved the day, Mr.
Stravely. And then we can talk about all

different levels of love I'm feeling in
this room right now.

Could you excuse us just for a second?
We'll talk about it. Let us just talk

about this for just a second.

Kids.

He's got to be kidding. Honey, you know,
I think we're just forgetting the

reason that we want to get married. It's
because we love each other. Maybe it

doesn't matter where we get married as
long as we're together.

Why don't we just go down to the justice
of the peace? No, no, no.

You wanted to get married as a man.

Excuse me. Can we just have one more
second, please? Absolutely. And this is

going to be...

The most similar thing to the Edgewood
Manor.

What are our options? Think about it. We
don't really have any options.

And it is on the same day. Same day, the
same day.

Come on, honey, maybe it's meant to be.

Maybe it's meant to be.

Brad, please.

Kids, I know this is a very important
decision, but you cannot keep a man like

Mr. Philip Howard Streetly waiting.
Maybe we should just go down and take a

look. You want to do that? You want to
take a look?

You go down, you take a look. We'll take
a look. You take a look. Okay.

Okay, we'll take a look.

We've got a deal. We've got a deal.
Great.

You two kids are the best. The best. I
don't know, Gary.

Look, if it's not right, we'll burn it
down. I'm getting the hang of it.

Oh,

Gary, you know, it's funny. I mean, I
know it's just

a rehearsal and everything, but I feel
so nervous. I know, me too. Do you? It's

weird.

Come on. Just so you know me.

There you are. You're late.

Come on.

Oh, sorry, Mr. Bradley. I didn't know we
were... We got a rehearsal to do. Where

are we going? Through there.

Where? Through there.

Right there.

Yeah. In here? Yeah, good.

Turn right. Turn right. Right. To your
right.

That's it. Just keep walking. Keep
walking. We're fine. Just turn right. We

to the end of the hall. Oh. I chose it.

They didn't tell me you were this small.

You look like a little Barbie doll.

Let's go get you a little wedding dress,
Gary.

Don't worry, he's a genius. Don't make
me go in there.

Gary,

just walk straight in. Gary, you put on
a great spread.

Hey, that's Ned Beatty.

You can't get him away from the food
table.

Girls, girls, please don't twirl until I
tell you to.

Gary,

you know Charles Nelson.

I'll just read you through it. No, it's
about time. No, just kidding, really.

I'm not upset. You know, I'm very happy
for you.

Congratulations. Oh, thanks, thanks,
thanks. You see, when Phil Stradley said

me that you were getting married, I got
on the phone and I said, Phil, I have to

be part of this wedding. Right. And
look, Gary, here I am.

I am directing.

You're directing.

Now, what do you think? Look at these
people.

What do you think of the new Edgewood
Manor? Oh. Isn't it fabulous?

It looks nice. Isn't it great? Now,
where is the little bride? Huh? Oh,

the wardrobe.

We're waiting, Gary. It's too late.

Phoebe, out here, please, right away
with Joseph.

Okay, while we're waiting, Gary, let's
run it. People, let's run it from the

top. Now, have you seen the opening
number? Opening number? The opening

No, I didn't even know there was an
opening. You'll be so moved. It is

Why don't you watch it right over there?
All right, people, please listen. I'll

be on stage one.

Oh, what a cool show.

What's going on here?

Oh, shh, shh. Watch this, you're going
to love it. What? The opening number?

Live from Sherman Oaks, the marriage
capital of the world, it's Gary

all -star wedding with June Lockhart,
Scott Baio, Dr. Hang S. Knorr,

the Honorable Tip O 'Neil.

Dale Evans and Billy Dee Williams.

Ladies and gentlemen, your host for the
evening, Mr.

Bert Convey.

Thank you. Thank you very much. I thank
you.

Thank you. You know, marriage is very
much like a certain game show, I know.

People come over, they draw a picture,
and everybody else sits around and tries

to figure out what that picture is in
under 60 seconds.

Know what I mean?

Gary Shandling getting hitched.

His bride -to -be is not a witch.

Phoebe captured Gary's heart, and I host
Win, Lose, or Draw.

Charles, Charles, hold it. Hold it, wait
a minute. Charles, this is not right.

I'm not exactly a one -trick pony. I
hosted Tattletales, for God's sake.

Can you believe we got him? You know,
he's very busy these days behind the

camera. I can understand that. I just
don't need someone announcing my

If I wanted someone announcing my
wedding, I would have had someone else.

I would have had Gary.

Brad,

Brad, Brad, wait, wait, wait, excuse me.

Have you seen what's going on here? I
can't go through with this. I know, I

know. Just get me out of here. I'm not
doing this. Be a pro. Be a pro. Be a

Ned Beattie's doing it. He's a pro. He's
a pro. There you go.

That's the difference between us.

I'm not going to do it. I want to go
home.

I just want to go. Brad, I'm not. Gary,
what is going on here? Why are you

looking at you? What are they doing?

I don't know. Look, we'll get through
this the best we can, all right? Just be

pro. Be a pro, Gary. I'm not in show
business. I don't want to be a pro.

either am I when you get down here.

Oh, hello. How are you doing? Randy
Gardner. Oh, congratulations.

Nice to meet you, too. Really.

What are you guys doing here? We don't
know.

We don't even have any ice. No ice? The
freezer's over there. Honey, I'm telling

you what we'll do is we'll just get
through this. We'll talk about it

afterwards. Congratulations, wedding
couple.

You're right over there. Thank you.

Ned, Ned, we're ready for you. Ned, wake
up. Ned, we're ready. Come on.

People, ladies and gentlemen, Ned
Beatty.

You're right over here.

I'm your best man.

You want to do a bit with the ring?

I can't find it. It gets stuck on my
finger. A bit with the ring? Ned,

just hand me the ring.

Now, let's go through this. People, get
your places. Let's go through this just

like we're going to do it tonight. All
right, people, please quiet. I don't

to do a bit with the ring. All right,
now listen. Let's take it. Reverend, get

ready. Take it from the...

I do. In five, four people, two, three,
one.

So if marriage, the bonding of two
spirits which unite them as one,

is what you desire till death do you
part, please say, I do.

I do.

And Gary, do you take this woman to be
your lawful...

Where did why?

Will he?

Won't he?

Will he? Won't he? Will Gary take
Phoebe?

Or will he get cold feet?

Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Connie
Stevens!

Hi, everybody!

How's his hair?

We don't care.

There's a much bigger issue pressing
here.

He's a guy. A single guy.

Will he change that now or say goodbye?

Will he? Won't he?

Will he? Will he? Won't he? Will Gary
take Phoebe or will he felt the phoenix?

In 1492,

Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

What Gary's thinking, we haven't a clue.

If you take Phoebe, please say I do.

Don't cry.

He's a man, a married man.

Catch a guy.

Hanling and Phoebe Bass cordially invite
you to celebrate the occasion of their

wedding at the Edgewood Manor at 7 p .m.

today. Oh, this is the worst day of my
life. I know.

Listen to this. Take the San Diego
freeway to the Sunset Boulevard and look

the stone chimney. That's all that's
left.

If you're going to Phoebe and Gary's
wedding, go home. The show's over.

Gary, God, you're just torturing
yourself.

I can't help it. It was awful.

Phoebe, we were at the studio.

By the way, the return has flied the
affair into a public spectacle.

I mean, and I have looked forward to
this day all my life.

Me too. I never met Bert Convey.

I just

wanted to bring some sun on a cloudy
day.

What? What is it? I spoke to Mr.
Stradley, and we worked it out. They're

going to sue.

Oh, good news. You get to keep your
dignity and he gets his show. What do

mean he gets his show? What dignity?

Check it out.

Here comes the bride.

Here he's terrified.

Are they allowed to do that? They are
now. I worked it out. You worked it out.

can't wait to see who plays me.

Good going.

The biggest smile you ever saw.

Working out, Brad.

We're getting married, everybody, at the
Botanical Gardens in Maine.

So

did

I. So did I.

You'll see.

You'll see.

You'll see. Brad, Ian, everybody, all my
best men, just get over here right now.

Please, please, please. Brad, thank you.

Nancy, maid of honor, please stand over
here. Guest of honor, mom, Jackie,

please. Stand right in back of her.
Honey, honey, just trust me, this is

to be great. Right here. I'll get the
lights.

Leonard, would you be my best man?

It's such an honor, dear.

Okay, looks good, looks perfect.

Okay, let's see if we caught it in time.

Phoebe Bass, if marriage, the bonding of
two souls with the spirit which

unites them as one, is what you desire
till death.

please say, I do.

I do.

And Gary, do you take Phoebe as your
lawfully wedded wife

to have and to hold, to love and to
cherish till death do you part?

I do.

Let's all go celebrate.

Let's vote for Chinese on Brad.

Hey,

Dad, you're a lawyer. Was that legal?
Sure, as legal as anything Gary does.

on.

I know it wasn't everything you wanted,
but I did the best I could.

You know.

I love you, Pokey. I love you, Mrs.

Pokey.

Oh, wait a minute.

What?

What, there's more?

Ladies and gentlemen, sharing their
first dance, Mr.

and Mrs.

Gary Shandling.