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Thanks a lot. Well, thanks.
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Thanks a lot, really.
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Cut it out.
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Anyway.
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Okay, that's all you're going to do.
Fine.
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Well, welcome to the first show of the
new season. I'm really excited. You
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in baseball, of course, there's a time
-honored tradition in the first game to
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throw out the first ball of the season.
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Well, in television, it's a little
different. There is the traditional
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out of the first joke.
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And here it comes now.
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Come on along.
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Here you go. Thank you for the key to
the bathroom.
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Maybe next time you can give me the
men's room key.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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And let's hope it's a good season and
that no one... gets injured, especially,
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let's hope the audience bleachers don't
collapse the way they did last year.
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Thank you. Thank you again.
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Let me sign that one more time.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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Anyway, I'm here at the office of the
network president. You see, each season
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before we start the show, I have to meet
with him and discuss with him any
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changes that are going to happen in the
show this year.
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And it's usually not a problem. In
fact...
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Mr. Shravely really likes me, and I
think when he finds out that I've been
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waiting here for, I guess it's over
three hours now, he is going to be
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upset.
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Henry,
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you're killing me. You really, you've
got to stop. I mean, my ribs are aching.
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And I believe you.
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You believe me.
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Listen,
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listen. The minute, the minute there's a
cancellation, you know we're going to
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slide you right in, right?
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Mr. Shandling. Yeah.
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When you learn to crawl, I'll slide.
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Hi,
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Shandling. How are you? Oh, hey, Mr.
Shandling. Gary.
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How are you? Henry, good to see you.
Nice to see you. Hey, I love your show.
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thanks a lot. My family loves your show.
Oh, that's really nice of you to say.
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I love your...
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Family.
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Thanks, Henry.
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Yeah, come on in.
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Yeah, I'll see you. God, what timing,
talent, amazing guy. Why don't you sit
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down over there, Gary? Yeah, fantastic
guy. How often do you see a guy who's so
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good -looking, but he's also so funny?
Oh, yeah, not often enough.
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When you think about it, there's maybe
him and me.
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Good summer, Gary.
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I had a great summer, Mr.
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Cravely. Thanks for asking. I just took
some time off. I went fishing. I went up
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to Washington. I was up there in
Washington. I have to tell you, it was
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unbelievable start.
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Gary, Gary, what's new with the show?
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Oh, sure, the show. Well, you know, I'm
really excited because I have a new
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girlfriend on the show this year, and I
think she's really special.
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Gary, it's not going to help the show.
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Get a butler.
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A butler. A butler. You heard me.
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Butlers dress funny. They talk funny.
They are funny.
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Trust me. No, I do. Not that Mr.
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French doesn't floor me, sir.
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He's great. He's great.
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Phoebe is really terrific. She's a
wonderful girl. I met her at Nancy and
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wedding. And, I mean, she's just funny
in her own way. Gary, we've seen it
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before. We've seen these girlfriends
come and go. One week they're there, the
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next week they're not.
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I'm going to have to meet her, Gary. No,
there's no reason you have to meet her.
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Oh, yeah.
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Of course, if there's any problems, then
I can nip it in the bud.
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Okay, let's see.
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I can come to dinner tomorrow night.
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It's good for me.
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Good for me? Good.
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I think I'm open. I don't have my book
with me, but... Okay, good.
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Good seeing you, Gary.
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Great, Mr. Shravely. Great seeing you.
Gotta get this call.
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Oh, I didn't even hear that ring.
That... New system. Yeah.
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Thanks a lot, Mrs. Bradley.
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That went pretty well.
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You know, I'll just meet you back at the
house and we'll try and shake this
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thing off.
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He's not on the phone, is he?
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This is the theme to Gary's show.
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The theme to Gary's show. Gary called me
up and asked if I would write his theme
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song. I'm almost halfway finished. How
do you like it so far? How do you like
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the theme to Gary's show?
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This is the theme to Gary's show, the
opening theme to Gary's show. This is
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music that you hear as you watch the
credits.
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We're almost to the part of where I
start to whistle. Then we'll watch the
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Sandling show.
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This was the theme to Gary Sandling's
show.
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Hi, dear.
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Hi, honey.
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That's her.
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That's my new girl.
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She's helping me redecorate my place.
Hi.
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Hi. You
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know,
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it's a lot nicer than the, uh...
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NFL football helmet lamps I used to
have, you know? And much more practical.
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This thing will actually afford some
protection if I wear it, I think.
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I don't understand it. It looks so great
in the store.
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Really, it does. I can see that. And I
wrapped it up, and I put it in the car.
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Right. It must have known we were coming
to your house, you know, because as we
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got closer and closer, it kept getting
more and more depressed.
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Yeah. I could swear, Gary, when I pulled
into the driveway, I heard this lamp
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crying. Maybe I'm crazy, but...
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No, honey, you're not... You're not
crazy.
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I think it is crying.
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Wouldn't that be something if we were
both crazy?
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Say, how'd it go today? What happened?
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Mr. Strangely? Yeah.
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Well, I bumped into Henry Winkler.
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Henry Winkler loves the show.
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Oh, that's very nice. Isn't that nice?
Yeah.
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And Mr. Stravely wants to meet you.
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Oh, why?
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Well, you know, he's just kind of a pain
in the neck, you know, just because he
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runs a network, he thinks he has some
control over my life, you know.
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Well, does he?
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Yeah, he does.
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But I let him. You know, I just go, yes,
Mr. Stravely. No, Mr. Stravely. You
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know, and then he says, oh.
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I'm coming to dinner tomorrow, so he
just invites himself.
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Oh.
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What if he doesn't like me?
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Honey, he's going to love you. Why
wouldn't he like you?
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Well, he doesn't like you, Gary. Why
should he like me?
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Oh, honey.
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I don't like me and I like you. And he
doesn't like me so much, he's going to
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really like you.
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00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:07,720
Well, we'll make him something nice for
dinner.
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Great.
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What are you going to make?
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Well, remember that beef stew I made? I
could make that.
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You know, that beef stew was great.
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Don't make the beef stew, though.
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I loved it, and all the animals in the
condo loved it, but maybe something
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Really? Yeah. Well, what does he like to
eat? He likes...
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Well, you know, no one's ever really
seen the man eat. I don't know if he
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There's a rumor going around that he
likes Dover Soul.
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It's the strangest rumor I ever heard in
my life. People go, he eats. Barry,
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what's that music?
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Oh, we just want to see. It's dancing
Barry.
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Pretty soon you'll get to meet all the
neighbors in the condo. You're going to
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love it. You're going to really love it.
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Here it is, the moment of truth.
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I still can't believe you dropped that
ring.
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lucky. This is the edited version.
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We're grateful.
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00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:03,640
Do you think it's near the end?
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I'll stop it here.
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What do you guys know about Mr.
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Stravely?
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Gary's boss?
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Yeah. Gary's boss.
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Now there's a thankless job.
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He's coming for dinner tomorrow. I'm a
little bit nervous.
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00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:20,800
Why? Do you think Gary's going to
videotape it?
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00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:27,300
Fine. Fine. Ian, um, Phoebe and I'd like
to talk. Why don't you just, uh, go out
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and play?
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00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,140
Fine. Call me when dinner's ready.
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Don't mind him at all. You know, he
loves to tease Gary, but he really likes
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him. I know.
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So do I.
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Yeah, I can tell.
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You're cooking dinner for the boss.
That's a pretty big step.
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Come on now, Nancy. Don't start. We're
fine.
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We're just taking it one step at a time.
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What are you making for the big dinner?
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Dover sole.
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Oh, right. I heard that rumor.
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You'll be fine. Don't worry about a
thing. Really?
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I just don't want to do anything to
embarrass Gary, you know.
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00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:02,720
Don't worry.
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00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:09,020
This is just so great. You and Gary.
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It's just... God, it's amazing.
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But it's really great.
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Really great.
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00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,760
How did Phoebe's scene go without me?
Everything all right?
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00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:24,990
You know, when I'm done with this
crystal, Mr. Stravely's going to be able
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00:13:24,990 --> 00:13:25,990
see his face in it.
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00:13:27,150 --> 00:13:28,690
Wait, can you see your face?
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Get closer to the TV.
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00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:32,150
I can see Leonard Smith's face.
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00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:35,290
Oh, great.
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00:13:35,630 --> 00:13:36,930
Brace yourself. I'm sorry.
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00:13:37,670 --> 00:13:38,970
Hey, Leonard. How's it going?
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00:13:39,430 --> 00:13:41,030
Fine. Hey, listen.
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00:13:41,650 --> 00:13:45,170
Word on the street is that the head of
the network's coming over for dinner.
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00:13:45,330 --> 00:13:46,330
That's correct.
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00:13:46,930 --> 00:13:47,930
Good episode.
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00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:50,870
What goes wrong?
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00:13:51,590 --> 00:13:53,430
What do you mean, what goes wrong?
Nothing's going to go wrong.
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00:13:53,820 --> 00:13:54,820
Come on, Gare.
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00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,700
It's a classic setup, Gare.
201
00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,620
Remember when Alan Brady came over to
the Petri's and Laura overcooked the
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00:14:00,620 --> 00:14:02,140
turkey and all hell broke loose?
Leonard.
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00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,980
And, Gare, you know, that wasn't even
his first visit. Leonard, that was
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00:14:05,980 --> 00:14:07,640
This is the real world.
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00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:14,400
Yeah. We'll be fine, all right? Mind
you, Gare, Mrs.
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00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,940
Rayburn wasn't exactly Beaver's boss.
She was only his principal, but I think
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00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:18,960
the metaphor still applies.
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00:14:19,310 --> 00:14:22,510
when she came over to the Cleavers and
Wally embarrassed him by staying in his
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00:14:22,510 --> 00:14:23,630
pajamas all during dinner?
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00:14:25,410 --> 00:14:28,090
Well, this is going to come as a big
shock to you, but Wally's not going to
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00:14:28,090 --> 00:14:29,090
here tomorrow night.
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00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:33,930
I don't think any of the Cleavers are,
so thanks, really. And I got to go. I
213
00:14:33,930 --> 00:14:37,070
to keep cleaning and get ready, okay?
Have it your way, Gare, but that's the
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00:14:37,070 --> 00:14:39,470
word on the street. Okay, see you. And I
can't wait.
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00:14:39,870 --> 00:14:40,870
Okay.
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00:14:41,470 --> 00:14:42,470
Oh, brother.
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00:14:45,870 --> 00:14:49,870
I know that Phoebe and I haven't gone
through this before, but we'll be fine.
218
00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:51,090
Sure, I'm a little nervous.
219
00:14:51,370 --> 00:14:53,590
After all, this used to be round.
220
00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:19,950
You don't think we have too many
candles, do you?
221
00:15:20,570 --> 00:15:23,590
Gary, are you relaxed? You're driving me
crazy.
222
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:26,610
Everything's going to be fine. I know,
it is fine. I am relaxed. I just feel
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00:15:26,610 --> 00:15:27,610
very, very comfortable.
224
00:15:27,690 --> 00:15:28,690
Do I look okay?
225
00:15:28,870 --> 00:15:30,910
Oh, you look great. I love your hair
that big way.
226
00:15:34,490 --> 00:15:38,150
What, is it too big? No, it's not too
big. It's proportionate to the opening
227
00:15:38,150 --> 00:15:39,150
that's in your blouse.
228
00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:44,350
Gary, come on. You know, I'm a little
nervous, too.
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00:15:44,830 --> 00:15:45,950
Are you nervous?
230
00:15:46,490 --> 00:15:49,430
Are you real nervous? No, just a little
nervous. Are you all right? Yeah.
231
00:15:49,670 --> 00:15:56,030
Okay, well... Ma 'am, I haven't finished
polishing this yet.
232
00:15:56,610 --> 00:15:58,270
I need just a couple more minutes.
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00:15:58,510 --> 00:15:59,850
Gary, open the door.
234
00:16:00,170 --> 00:16:01,930
You seem very... Okay.
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00:16:02,630 --> 00:16:04,730
Hey! Come in.
236
00:16:04,970 --> 00:16:09,010
Are you sure there's not too many cows?
I don't want to... He'll come in here
237
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,550
and think there's a cult in here or
something.
238
00:16:11,330 --> 00:16:14,310
Don't worry. As soon as I get him out of
his clothes, everything will be fine.
239
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,520
Just open the door. Are you joking?
240
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,900
Tell me you're joking before I open the
door. Open the door. I'll be standing
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00:16:21,900 --> 00:16:22,900
out there for a minute.
242
00:16:24,260 --> 00:16:27,400
Hey, Mr. Shravely. Good to see you. How
are you? You know, we were just saying
243
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,540
at 8 o 'clock you should be here any
second because how you're Mr.
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00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:31,880
Punctual.
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00:16:31,980 --> 00:16:35,720
You know why? Your network. One show
stops, one show starts right up. There's
246
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:36,840
not like a big gap there.
247
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:39,640
Gary, let the man come in.
248
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:41,500
Come on in, Mr. Shravely.
249
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:46,020
Hi, I'm Phoebe Bass. Hi, Philip
Shravely. Nice to meet you.
250
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,500
I'll close the door the way I do in your
office.
251
00:16:50,060 --> 00:16:52,200
Gary, why don't you go get him a drink?
252
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:56,040
Would you like something to drink, Mr.
Strangley? Yeah, give me a scotch and
253
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:56,979
soda.
254
00:16:56,980 --> 00:16:57,919
Scotch and soda.
255
00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,520
Right -o. I can make that.
256
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:04,440
He's going to love her.
257
00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:07,460
Strangley.
258
00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:10,599
Strangley. Oh, that's a stupid name,
isn't it?
259
00:17:19,630 --> 00:17:20,849
Tell me she didn't just say that.
260
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,750
Yeah, yeah, it is English.
261
00:17:24,030 --> 00:17:29,530
Yeah, my great -great -great
-grandfather was a member of Parliament.
262
00:17:29,530 --> 00:17:30,530
Harold Stravely.
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00:17:31,130 --> 00:17:35,510
Well, whatever his damn name was, I
guess it's safe to assume that he didn't
264
00:17:35,510 --> 00:17:39,010
bring anything either. When he went to
someone's house for dinner, you'll know.
265
00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:52,260
She's turned into Laverne and Shirley.
266
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,400
Ow! Sucker! Ow!
267
00:17:55,980 --> 00:17:56,980
Ow!
268
00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:00,860
Yahoo! I am Stravely. Ow!
269
00:18:01,620 --> 00:18:07,400
Yes, I'm an interior designer. Honey,
honey, interior designer or not, I will
270
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:08,820
not have you treating Mr.
271
00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:10,680
Stravely like a pony.
272
00:18:11,460 --> 00:18:15,320
Mr. Stravely, I don't know what to say.
I am so sorry for you.
273
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:19,500
Her, the way she rode you and beat you
and made you how?
274
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,740
I can't believe that happened. I have
never understood your sense of humor.
275
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,740
And I guess I never will.
276
00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:27,220
Right.
277
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:31,140
Stay off my boss.
278
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:35,980
I can't believe you got up on it. Stay
off my boss. Have some dip, Mr.
279
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,220
Straley. Yeah, I love this stuff.
280
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:39,000
Yeah, listen, Shanley.
281
00:18:39,380 --> 00:18:40,980
I'm going to tell you a joke.
282
00:18:41,260 --> 00:18:42,260
Okay, a joke.
283
00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:45,180
Yeah, let's see if you get it, all
right? Now, here.
284
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:51,460
Have you heard the one about the network
programmer who died, see?
285
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:56,980
He didn't know if he was in heaven or
hell, okay?
286
00:18:57,980 --> 00:19:00,800
Have you heard that? No, I haven't heard
that. We'd love to hear it. Would you
287
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:01,800
like to hear that one? Yeah, sure.
288
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:05,240
And you at home, laugh it up when Mr.
Stravely tells a joke.
289
00:19:06,740 --> 00:19:07,740
Mr.
290
00:19:08,220 --> 00:19:09,220
Stravely, are you okay?
291
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:10,400
Yeah, I'm fine.
292
00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:13,020
Lindsay.
293
00:19:13,260 --> 00:19:14,820
Are you okay?
294
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:18,320
Honey,
295
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:20,920
it's just, you're just imagining it.
296
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:22,980
It's just the imagination.
297
00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:27,460
There's nothing wrong. Honey, I'm sure
this isn't hat on. What are you doing to
298
00:19:27,460 --> 00:19:27,959
my ball?
299
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:32,260
What are you doing to my ball? Look,
it's just another vision.
300
00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:34,140
It's a hole in my imagination.
301
00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:36,960
Dancing Barry, that was real.
302
00:19:37,180 --> 00:19:38,180
Dancing Barry.
303
00:19:38,380 --> 00:19:40,680
And then when she wrote it.
304
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:42,160
I don't think that was real.
305
00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:49,120
That can't be real.
306
00:19:49,620 --> 00:19:52,380
It's just obviously a tongue that big is
just my imagination.
307
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:55,860
Look at that. Boy, I have a vivid
imagination.
308
00:19:57,220 --> 00:19:59,660
See, Mrs. Dravely? That's a funny joke.
309
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:08,700
There's no way she would have known that
you were allergic to clams. Yeah. And I
310
00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:11,980
thought, I was just imagining it, okay?
Yeah, well, Shandling, I don't think
311
00:20:11,980 --> 00:20:13,480
she's right for the show, okay?
312
00:20:13,820 --> 00:20:14,820
And why's that?
313
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:19,220
Hey, easy with the attitude. Easy with
the attitude? Yeah. You know, you know,
314
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:22,540
Phoebe's in my life now, and if I'm
lucky, she'll be in it for a long time,
315
00:20:22,780 --> 00:20:25,120
okay? Hey, knock it off, Shandling.
316
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:26,420
Knock it off?
317
00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:32,300
Knock it off? Yeah. I have never heard
your voice go that high in my life,
318
00:20:32,300 --> 00:20:33,300
Wester Stratum.
319
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:39,340
If you listen to me right now, I've had
it with you, so just shut up. It doesn't
320
00:20:39,340 --> 00:20:40,219
matter.
321
00:20:40,220 --> 00:20:44,920
All right, I'm okay. It doesn't matter
to me what you think. She stays, all
322
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:48,200
right? And I'll tell you something else.
I'll tell you something else. I'm so
323
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:51,560
mad right now, I don't even want to be
in the same ambulance with you. I'm
324
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:52,560
getting out.
325
00:20:58,250 --> 00:21:02,510
So how much do you think that thing
weighed? I would say 20, 25 pounds. Now,
326
00:21:02,510 --> 00:21:05,930
don't know. I go fishing. I know if I
caught a thing that big, I'd mount it.
327
00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:06,930
put it over the fireplace.
328
00:21:07,290 --> 00:21:10,870
I've never seen a thing like that in my
life. It was like twice. Even for my
329
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:11,870
lips, that would have looked big.
330
00:21:13,750 --> 00:21:14,810
Did you touch it?
331
00:21:15,110 --> 00:21:16,390
Oh, no.
332
00:21:16,770 --> 00:21:18,150
That would gross me out.
333
00:21:18,870 --> 00:21:22,670
I brushed up against it in the
ambulance. It was so big, it was
334
00:21:22,670 --> 00:21:24,010
was gross. I was grossed out.
335
00:21:25,610 --> 00:21:26,610
What's that?
336
00:21:26,770 --> 00:21:27,770
Just nothing.
337
00:21:28,110 --> 00:21:29,750
What is it? Come on. It's nothing.
338
00:21:29,970 --> 00:21:30,970
Gary.
339
00:21:31,450 --> 00:21:32,450
Don't call me Gary.
340
00:21:34,410 --> 00:21:35,890
What is it? Nothing.
341
00:21:36,150 --> 00:21:37,150
Show me. No.
342
00:21:38,430 --> 00:21:40,290
Come on. It's a closing monologue.
343
00:21:41,270 --> 00:21:42,990
Well, can I see it? No.
344
00:21:44,430 --> 00:21:46,130
Okay, I'll bounce it off you. Great.
345
00:21:47,370 --> 00:21:50,650
Well, that's our show for tonight. I
guess you learned that Phoebe and I
346
00:21:50,650 --> 00:21:51,650
love each other.
347
00:21:51,890 --> 00:21:54,010
Good night, everybody, and I'll see you
next week.
348
00:21:56,030 --> 00:21:57,030
That's really sweet.
349
00:21:58,130 --> 00:22:02,070
Well, it's not that funny, I know, but I
thought it would make the audience go,
350
00:22:02,170 --> 00:22:08,990
uh... Well, you know, you could add
something to it like, for example, we
351
00:22:08,990 --> 00:22:13,850
learned how to come together in a
crisis, and that's what love really is.
352
00:22:13,850 --> 00:22:17,090
know, something like that. Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a lot funnier,
353
00:22:17,110 --> 00:22:18,110
honey. Thanks.
354
00:22:18,150 --> 00:22:22,750
Maybe I'll do that one next week, okay?
If you don't mind.
355
00:22:23,110 --> 00:22:25,510
Okay, well, good night. See you.
356
00:22:25,850 --> 00:22:26,950
Good night, you peeping Tom.
357
00:23:37,030 --> 00:23:39,290
Hope you enjoyed. It's Gary Sandling
Show.
28612
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