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Thank you.
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Thank you. We have a big show tonight.
That's, of course, why we didn't keep
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waiting.
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No, the audience had to wait a little
bit because there was just a throng of
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people trying to get in here tonight
because...
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Tonight is the night, of course, when
Sheena Easton and I go whale watching
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together.
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It's a huge night.
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This is the biggest night we've had here
in a
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long time. Why, look, all my blood is
rushed to my new white shirt.
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Thank you. I thought of that right
before I walked on.
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And it's great to see you. There's a We
Love You Sheena. We have a lot of big
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Sheena Easton fans. Sheena rocks.
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Can we go look at the... Do I have time
to go just quickly to the audience?
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I'm going to go... Just let me go
quickly, and we'll just talk to some of
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This is Chester, our cameraman, and he's
such a big Sheena fan that he's wearing
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his Sheena shirt.
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He wore that two weeks ago when we had
Charlie Sheen on the show.
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Hello, you guys.
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You look very nice.
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Look at you.
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Let's see. You're all Sheena Ethan fans.
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How you doing, pal?
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What is your name?
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Kevin. Kevin Quinn. Kevin Quinn. Where
are you from, Kevin?
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Originally Ohio, Irvine right now. Well,
that's really fascinating.
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Sheena Easton fan?
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I'm probably her biggest fan.
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Well, that's great. Great to have you.
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Her and who?
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Metallica. Well, I can see how those
would go together.
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And what have you got here? What is this
here, ma 'am? What is that? Oh, this is
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just... No, you don't have... Would you
like to stand?
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This is just one of the albums I have
from my
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Sheena Easton collection of memorabilia.
Oh, take your time.
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Take your time. We can go right into the
next show if we need to.
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Oh, well, let me sit down in your seat.
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Sit down.
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Sit down.
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00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,560
Do you have any albums of me?
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No, no, I didn't think so. I'll send you
a couple. Would you like that?
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No, I must. I must die.
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You're not going to get billed for this.
This isn't like if you don't send a
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thing back, I'm going to end up sending
another one, and then it's like a
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subscription thing.
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You've been here before, haven't you?
Because I come up to the audience, and
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you've been here, haven't you? Yes, I
have. Stand up.
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I have.
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I'm Paula Hanlon. Paula Hanlon.
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And, yes, I was here last week, and I
enjoyed myself very much. Well, good for
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you. But when I heard that Tina Easton
was going to be on, I...
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I made a big U -turn and rushed right
back here to Chairman Oaks. Thank you
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doing that, Paul.
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Thank you. Thank you. The fact that you
drive frightens me.
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It's good to have you here. You have a
wonderful time because you're here on a
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great night. This is actually the show
where we're going to premiere Sheena's
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new video.
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Are you guys ready for that?
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This is the theme to Gary's show.
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The opening theme to Gary's show. This
is the music that you hear as you watch
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the credits.
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We're almost to the part of where I
start to whistle. Then we'll watch the
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Sandling show.
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This was the theme to Gary Sandling's
show.
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I've been looking through these. These
are actually whale flashcards.
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So when you go whale watching, you learn
to identify whales, which is great.
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It's a little senseless because you've
got to kind of hold it right up next to
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the whale and go.
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No.
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And, you know, that takes all that. You
know, by that time, you're dead,
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basically. But the best thing about
these whale cards is with each pack, you
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a stick of blubber gum.
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That's right. Shot at my house.
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Someone's at the door. Don't get up.
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I'll get it.
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Oh, I hope it's a bull. What with my
matador shirt.
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Oh, hey, Marshall.
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Hi, Gary.
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Hi.
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Come on in.
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What do you... This is... For those of
you who haven't been watching lately, I
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recently became a big brother to little
Marshall here. I know what you're
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thinking. Did they drop all their
standards?
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That's right.
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The truth is that I just have a permit.
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Marshall, where's your mother? What's
going on?
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She thinks I'm at my friend Freddy's
house. Oh.
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So can we talk freely?
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Oh, sure. No one's watching.
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00:06:06,710 --> 00:06:07,710
What's up?
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My mom says I have to take violin
lessons.
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But I want to play baseball instead. I
can understand that.
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Well, can't you do both?
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Can't you tell your mom you want to do
both?
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He won't let me.
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Gary? Huh? Can you please talk to my mom
for me?
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Well, I could. I could do that.
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I once had to talk to my mom about it.
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I wanted to play Little League baseball.
My mom wanted me to take violin
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lessons. So I held the baseball bat
under my chin.
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The boy's right. That's a funny joke.
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00:07:04,810 --> 00:07:05,810
Can I have another juicy juice?
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Another one? Yeah, just keep them
coming. Just keep them coming.
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I can't get enough of these. I'll tell
you this right now. These things only
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have 10 % real fruit juice in them, so I
figure if I have 10, I'm in great
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shape.
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That same reason I had 50 glasses of 2 %
milk this morning.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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Boy, now... So we've already had a lot
of small talk. Now comes that awkward
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time when I have to broach the subject
of Marshall playing Little League
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Baseball.
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Well, Marshall sure stinks at the
violin, doesn't he?
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Jerry! He does not!
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No, it's not that he's bad, it's just...
Sounds to me, you know, like his time
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would be better spent playing something
like Little League Baseball. Something
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outside, you know, where the sound can
dissipate. Oh,
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I see now what is going on. Yes, I am no
dumb cookie.
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Marshall spoke to you about me not
letting him play Little League. Yeah, he
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But why won't you let him play?
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Well, look, Gary, I've given this a lot
of thought. Really, I have. And, well...
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Marshall's just not a very good baseball
player, and he's a very sensitive
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little boy, and I don't want the other
kids making fun of him. Oh, you get used
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to that.
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Believe me.
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I'm serious. I'm serious, too. I just
think you're being a little overly
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protective. You know, it's a great thing
for kids to do. Well, maybe I am being
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overprotective, but... Gary, listen. I
appreciate everything you've done.
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Really, I do. Uh -huh.
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Right. But you're only here one day a
week, you know? I'm here every day.
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Unless you're willing to make a bigger
commitment, I really just don't think
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have the right to interfere with my
decision.
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Well, you know, I understand a lot about
commitment, and that you're here all
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the time, and I know how, you know,
tough it is to be a mom and all, so I
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blame you, you know.
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My mother, you know, when I was, I
wanted to play Little League Baseball,
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mother wanted me to play the violin, you
know.
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So to make her happy, I held the bat
under my chin so that everyone was happy
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and she would come.
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And, you know.
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One day, Yasha Heifetz came down to the
field.
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I was second string at the time, and
I...
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Remember, I got this bad rap and I was
out for the season.
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You have been a great audience.
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You have really been a great audience.
And I should really just get going.
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There's probably a lot of other
comedians coming on soon. And I can tell
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vomiting because my shirt is blushing.
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It's a blue whale. No. It's a killer
whale. No. It's a shark. It's a cat. I
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don't know what it is.
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It's Shamu.
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Gary. It's really the whale. I don't
know what it is. You are the only whale
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-watching machine at Eton. You better
know this stuff. Oh, like she's going to
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get them all right.
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You know, I just can't get Marshall out
of my mind. The boy should be playing
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Little League baseball.
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That's all. That's why I can't
concentrate on this. Well, you know what
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said. Oh, yeah. Well, Lucy says I should
make a bigger commitment to the boy,
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which I'm willing to do. I just don't
know if I can devote that kind of time.
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You know, after all, I have to do this
show. I have this show to do. I don't
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know if I can... Yeah, all right. Well,
that takes up a half an hour of the
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week.
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00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:06,220
What about the rest of your time? Don't
start with this. It seems to you it's
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only a half hour. That's all. But
there's a lot of preparation time, a lot
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winding down time. You know I have those
showers, that hair. You know, it takes
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a lot of time.
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00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:19,880
You know, Walt the mailman puts in a 40
-hour week, which is incidentally 80
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times the amount you put in. And he
manages to have plenty of time for his
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family.
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Walt the mailman is a genius.
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Walt works for the government.
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00:11:31,050 --> 00:11:35,390
I don't know. Trust me, Gary, I'm
telling you, it really is possible to
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00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:39,210
family and a job. No, I know. I think
it's something I should try.
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00:11:39,450 --> 00:11:42,330
Well, I think it'd be good for you. And
I think it'd be good for Marshall,
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because I think it'd be good for him to
spend more time around a man. And I
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think I'm that man.
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00:11:51,450 --> 00:11:52,810
Okay, I could be that man.
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I might be a man.
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I'll bring a man. I'll bring Walt.
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00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,240
Hi, this will just take a second.
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00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,220
I've really been thinking about what you
said, and I just wanted to ask you
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00:12:12,220 --> 00:12:13,220
something.
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00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:18,760
Look, if I really make a bigger
commitment to Marshall and spend more
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00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:23,440
him, you know, whenever he needs it, and
I go to baseball practice with him, and
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00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:28,060
I'm there whenever he needs me, would
you let him play Little League baseball
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00:12:28,060 --> 00:12:30,160
then? Gary, you'd do that?
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00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:31,800
Yeah. Really?
187
00:12:32,020 --> 00:12:32,739
Uh -huh.
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00:12:32,740 --> 00:12:37,650
Oh. Gary, if you would do that, of
course I'd let him play. That's great.
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That's great. Gary, he is going to be so
thrilled. I know. This is so exciting.
190
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Now, try out for tomorrow, okay?
191
00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:46,330
Gary?
192
00:12:49,710 --> 00:12:53,090
Well, Gary, I'm sure Sheena Eastern will
understand if you cancel.
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00:12:53,410 --> 00:12:57,570
Oh, right. A big star like that just
say, hey, no mammals today.
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00:12:57,970 --> 00:12:58,970
Right.
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00:13:00,510 --> 00:13:03,350
She'll take that just in stride, no
getting around it.
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00:13:04,570 --> 00:13:07,810
All right, you're right, you're right.
I've got to stick with my commitment to
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00:13:07,810 --> 00:13:13,470
Marshall. I'll just call Sheena Easton,
and I'll get it over with right now, and
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00:13:13,470 --> 00:13:16,450
that way everything will work out well.
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00:13:17,470 --> 00:13:21,390
You know, since I promised that Sheena
Easton was going to be on the show, the
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00:13:21,390 --> 00:13:25,210
least I can do is I'll call her on the
speakerphone so you can hear the
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00:13:25,210 --> 00:13:26,210
conversation.
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00:13:37,390 --> 00:13:38,570
Hi, this is Sheena Easton.
203
00:13:46,790 --> 00:13:48,110
I'm not home right now.
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00:13:52,110 --> 00:13:55,330
What a pro. She even pauses for applause
on her answering machine.
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00:13:57,350 --> 00:14:01,010
I'm out scraping barnacles off my boat
for my whale -watching trip with Gary
206
00:14:01,010 --> 00:14:03,790
Shandling that I've been looking forward
to for weeks.
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00:14:04,250 --> 00:14:06,750
Leave a message, and I'll call back
later. Bye.
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00:14:11,129 --> 00:14:12,129
Hi, Sheena.
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00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:14,930
This is Gary Shandling.
210
00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:18,130
And I just called.
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00:14:18,450 --> 00:14:23,450
I don't know if you recall. We were
supposed to go whale watching, which,
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00:14:23,450 --> 00:14:26,250
know, you can do just about any day of
the week when you think about it.
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00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:31,050
And it looks like I'm not going to be
able to make it, and I feel real bad
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00:14:31,050 --> 00:14:33,870
it. So I'll give you a call back, and
we'll do it another time.
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00:14:34,130 --> 00:14:35,130
All right?
216
00:14:35,470 --> 00:14:36,470
Okay.
217
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:41,780
You guys understand, don't you?
218
00:14:51,660 --> 00:14:52,840
Gotta throw it to me.
219
00:14:58,900 --> 00:14:59,900
Attaboy.
220
00:15:04,540 --> 00:15:05,540
Right here.
221
00:15:14,410 --> 00:15:15,410
Good one.
222
00:15:23,150 --> 00:15:24,150
Good one.
223
00:15:25,770 --> 00:15:27,970
Atta boy. What the hell are we watching
here?
224
00:15:28,190 --> 00:15:31,750
Oh! Come on, Tom.
225
00:15:33,270 --> 00:15:34,930
Well, these people have the right idea.
226
00:15:37,710 --> 00:15:38,710
Atta boy.
227
00:15:42,730 --> 00:15:44,150
Okay. Okay.
228
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:46,310
Oh, no.
229
00:15:46,910 --> 00:15:48,190
I'll get it. I'll get it.
230
00:15:53,090 --> 00:15:54,710
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, Paula.
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00:15:54,990 --> 00:15:55,990
Yes, Gary?
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00:15:56,670 --> 00:15:57,710
Where's everybody going?
233
00:15:57,970 --> 00:16:02,490
Oh, I'm sorry, Gary, but you promised
us, Gina Easton. But you saw what
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00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:05,830
happened. Come on. Don't remind us,
Gary. Oh, Paula.
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00:16:06,150 --> 00:16:07,150
Come on, Gary.
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00:16:07,430 --> 00:16:09,010
Let's play some more baseball.
237
00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:12,210
All right, all right.
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00:16:19,030 --> 00:16:21,430
Okay, here we go, Marshall. Come on,
concentrate now.
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00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:22,469
I see.
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00:16:22,470 --> 00:16:23,470
Yeah.
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00:16:23,810 --> 00:16:24,810
Atta boy.
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00:16:25,630 --> 00:16:26,630
Atta boy.
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00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:29,410
Good one.
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00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:32,470
Sheena.
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00:16:32,590 --> 00:16:33,810
What are you doing here?
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00:16:34,090 --> 00:16:35,110
Didn't you get my message?
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00:16:35,850 --> 00:16:39,260
You're not going to poop out on me, are
you? No, I... Don't please, don't say
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00:16:39,260 --> 00:16:40,860
poop in front of the young boy.
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00:16:41,180 --> 00:16:45,700
Seriously. I called you. I can't go away
watching with you because I have to
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00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:49,020
practice Little League with Marshall. I
promised him. I hope you understand.
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00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,020
You're going to teach him?
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00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:53,940
I'm going to teach him. I'm teaching him
how to play Little League baseball. I'm
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00:16:53,940 --> 00:16:55,800
helping him out. You throw like a girl.
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00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:59,680
I do not throw. Well, with my glove
hand, I do. But now when I throw with
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00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:00,680
hand, come on.
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00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:04,040
Don't make fun of me. I've had a bad
day. My audience.
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00:17:04,780 --> 00:17:08,940
Just walked out on me. I can't believe
it. It's just been horrible. Tell you
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00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:13,240
what, you go talk to your audience, and
I'll teach Marshall, okay?
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00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:15,440
You can't teach.
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00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,060
You can't teach Marshall. Better than
you. No way.
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00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:20,400
Come on, Marshall.
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00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:21,479
Don't spit.
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00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:22,480
Don't. Go.
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00:17:23,079 --> 00:17:24,079
Ready?
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00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:27,920
Abbott Ackerman, Adams.
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00:17:28,220 --> 00:17:31,220
Audience, here we go. This must be where
the audience lives.
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00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:35,800
Who is it?
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00:17:36,980 --> 00:17:38,800
It's Gary. Gary Shandling.
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00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:40,760
You with the boy?
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00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:44,080
No.
271
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:46,520
All right, then. Come on in.
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00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,640
It's the third floor, apartment five.
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00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:49,940
Apartment five.
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00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:55,400
Wish me luck.
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00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:08,210
She looks smaller than that. I think
she's lying. Nice place.
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00:18:08,530 --> 00:18:10,250
I didn't know the audience was doing so
well.
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00:18:10,910 --> 00:18:11,990
So now what happens?
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00:18:12,290 --> 00:18:14,590
They even have it tiered like my studio.
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00:18:16,950 --> 00:18:18,170
Do you guys have fish?
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00:18:20,010 --> 00:18:24,450
Look, I just wanted to talk to you for a
second. All right? All right, all
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00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:25,810
right, all right. But look, make it
fast.
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00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:27,530
We're about to vote on Love Connection.
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00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,350
Take it easy.
284
00:18:29,730 --> 00:18:30,730
Just take it easy.
285
00:18:31,470 --> 00:18:34,690
You know, you guys did not give me a
chance to explain when you walk out.
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00:18:34,690 --> 00:18:36,670
all. You chose the boy over us.
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00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:40,690
Yeah, we don't just laugh now. We have
other feelings, too. The boy has
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00:18:40,690 --> 00:18:44,250
feelings, too. That wasn't an easy
decision for me to make, whether to go
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00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:47,830
the boy or with Sheena Easton. I know
how much you guys wanted to see Sheena.
290
00:18:47,830 --> 00:18:49,510
I've never been so disappointed in all
my life.
291
00:18:49,790 --> 00:18:51,470
Oh, boo -hoo -hoo, Paula Hanlon.
292
00:18:51,750 --> 00:18:56,870
Isn't it time you grew up? Well, she
yelled at me. And that goes for the rest
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00:18:56,870 --> 00:18:57,870
you, too.
294
00:18:58,870 --> 00:19:00,070
Just calm down.
295
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:04,640
And you know what the ironic thing is?
The ironic thing is, is if you guys had
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00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,180
stayed, you would have seen Sheena
Easton anyway.
297
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,680
She showed up right after you left.
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00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:11,680
I'll bet she's still there.
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00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:14,780
I'll bet. Let's just take a look and see
what's on my show.
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00:19:37,130 --> 00:19:42,250
have seen on his show we could have seen
her only we've been more patient all
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00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:48,850
right all right look look you know
what's done is done all right so uh
302
00:19:48,850 --> 00:19:53,470
we all learned a lesson and maybe next
time you'll you know give me and my show
303
00:19:53,470 --> 00:20:00,410
a chance all right just don't be so
quick to react like that i mean it you
304
00:20:00,410 --> 00:20:03,730
know you ever go to some other show
they're not going to be so light on you
305
00:20:07,110 --> 00:20:10,310
I can't leave yet. I was going to leave.
I've got to talk to them for a little
306
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:12,230
while longer, so I'll see you in the
next scene.
307
00:20:12,450 --> 00:20:13,450
All right?
308
00:20:15,150 --> 00:20:16,830
You miss my red shirt, don't you?
309
00:20:20,530 --> 00:20:22,630
Look, I just wanted to talk to you guys
for a second.
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00:20:26,250 --> 00:20:27,770
Okay, here's where we are in the story.
311
00:20:28,190 --> 00:20:29,970
Three hours have passed, I swear.
312
00:20:30,190 --> 00:20:32,770
Believe me, I've been up there talking
to the audience for three whole hours,
313
00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:35,190
and it went great. I think we got to
know each other a little better. We
314
00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:36,190
understand each other.
315
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:38,240
And I even did their dishes for them.
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00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:42,960
That's right. Now, here's the really
good part. The really good part is that
317
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:47,000
ended up calling Sheena Easton while I
was up there, and I asked her if I could
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00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,360
bring some friends along when we go
whale watching.
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00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,820
And she said, sure, you sure can.
320
00:20:52,100 --> 00:20:53,920
So here we are at the dock.
321
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,220
Oh, oh, is that one?
322
00:20:57,740 --> 00:20:58,740
Gary,
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00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,560
this is your audience, isn't it?
324
00:21:03,900 --> 00:21:05,780
No, these are all friends.
325
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:07,760
They're all personal friends of mine.
326
00:21:08,340 --> 00:21:10,600
And they all love you very much. Don't
you, everybody?
327
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:11,800
Oh, yeah!
328
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:20,560
Everybody loves you when you own a boat,
right?
329
00:21:21,020 --> 00:21:25,300
Remember, we're on a whale watch, so if
you see any pike or flounder, ignore
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00:21:25,300 --> 00:21:26,300
them.
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00:21:27,660 --> 00:21:30,260
Well, of course, we can't ignore that
Marshall's wearing his Little League
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00:21:30,260 --> 00:21:32,760
uniform, so he made the team.
333
00:21:33,180 --> 00:21:34,180
The Robins.
334
00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:43,280
Anyway. Oh, if you're wondering about
tonight's show, don't worry. All of our
335
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,680
camera people are getting hazard pay
tonight.
336
00:21:46,340 --> 00:21:47,340
Take a look.
337
00:21:47,380 --> 00:21:48,920
Yeah. There they go.
338
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,620
You guys watch out for those mines.
339
00:21:52,220 --> 00:21:56,440
And if you're wondering about my other
friends and my mom, well, don't worry.
340
00:21:56,900 --> 00:21:58,760
They're over here. Ahoy, mateys.
341
00:22:04,330 --> 00:22:05,330
He doesn't put us into the show.
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00:22:05,530 --> 00:22:07,950
And then he makes us sit in a dumb
little dinghy.
343
00:22:10,530 --> 00:22:11,790
Cut the line, Captain.
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00:22:12,830 --> 00:22:13,830
Cut the line.
345
00:22:15,370 --> 00:22:16,670
Well, that's our show.
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00:22:16,890 --> 00:22:17,890
Good night, everybody.
347
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:26,880
Hope you enjoyed. It's Gary Channing
Show.
28867
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