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1
00:00:13,450 --> 00:00:14,730
James, we're gonna be late for school.
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00:00:15,370 --> 00:00:17,010
Gabby, where are you going? We're about
to leave.
3
00:00:17,230 --> 00:00:18,230
My bio homework's upstairs.
4
00:00:18,430 --> 00:00:20,590
I have to finish it. Well, why didn't
you finish it last night?
5
00:00:20,830 --> 00:00:22,150
I was busy working on my math.
6
00:00:22,610 --> 00:00:23,930
I also have to finish my math.
7
00:00:24,170 --> 00:00:26,370
Just do it all in the car like always.
8
00:00:26,770 --> 00:00:30,010
Don't blame me. Dad said he was gonna
help me after the Phillies game, but he
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00:00:30,010 --> 00:00:30,849
fell asleep.
10
00:00:30,850 --> 00:00:34,370
You know, every morning there's an issue
with your homework. Every night there's
11
00:00:34,370 --> 00:00:35,370
an issue with your husband.
12
00:00:36,590 --> 00:00:37,590
James, we're gonna...
13
00:00:38,510 --> 00:00:41,130
What do you mean? Your alarm went off an
hour ago. What were you doing?
14
00:00:41,390 --> 00:00:42,850
Snoozing. Why were you snoozing?
15
00:00:43,070 --> 00:00:44,770
Because there's a button that tells me
to.
16
00:00:46,110 --> 00:00:47,850
It's like the biggest button on the
clock.
17
00:00:48,830 --> 00:00:50,170
Wait, where'd my socks go?
18
00:00:50,710 --> 00:00:52,230
Oh, right, sock drawer. Duh.
19
00:00:52,430 --> 00:00:54,610
Ah, ah, ah, come back here. You can
borrow socks at school.
20
00:00:54,910 --> 00:00:55,930
Have you seen my friend's feet?
21
00:00:56,270 --> 00:00:57,270
No, thank you.
22
00:00:58,550 --> 00:00:59,730
I don't like my lunch.
23
00:01:00,090 --> 00:01:02,430
Oh, sweetie, what's wrong with a ham
sandwich and apple slices?
24
00:01:02,690 --> 00:01:05,310
I'm over ham, and you know I don't do
Granny Smith.
25
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:10,000
Can I have something else? I don't have
time to make you a second lunch today.
26
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:12,960
That's what you say every day. And yet
you always ask.
27
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:16,860
Here, stand by the door and wait until
everybody is ready.
28
00:01:17,180 --> 00:01:21,620
Gabby, James, we should have been gone
ten minutes ago. I want you in the car
29
00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:23,180
now or I'm gonna lose it.
30
00:01:23,660 --> 00:01:26,220
Ah, you gotta love a long hot shower.
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Hey,
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I'm gonna go make me some pancakes.
33
00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:33,400
Oh, that sounds wonderful. Did you enjoy
the Phillies game last night? Oh, yeah,
34
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it was great. You know I don't care
about the Phillies game.
35
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I cared that you didn't help Gabby with
her homework again, and we're going to
36
00:01:40,060 --> 00:01:43,240
be late again because you wanted to
watch the end of the game.
37
00:01:43,740 --> 00:01:44,740
You seem tense.
38
00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:47,100
Hey, you should try my new shower scrub.
39
00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:49,400
Smell that eucalyptus. Huh? It's
calming.
40
00:01:50,380 --> 00:01:53,280
You have one second to pull that arm
back or I'm going to bite it off.
41
00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:58,040
I don't have time to take a shower. Look
at me. I'm disgusting.
42
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:02,040
Well, but then you'll put on your funny
hat and you'll drive in the school coat
43
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,120
and then you'll come home and fix all
that.
44
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:09,340
Honey, with all those other moms, They
show up with perfect hair, perfect
45
00:02:09,340 --> 00:02:10,940
clothes, perfect kids.
46
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,140
And they also have time to stop and get
a perfect latte.
47
00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:15,700
But, oh, not me.
48
00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:18,700
I'm a mess. No, honey, you're a hot
mess.
49
00:02:22,780 --> 00:02:23,780
I'm here.
50
00:02:23,860 --> 00:02:25,200
Darn it, my shoes don't match.
51
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,840
All right, well, you've got a left and a
right. Now let's go, and I mean it.
52
00:02:30,020 --> 00:02:35,200
Ship to Fiji yet? I am so not playing
right now. Three, two... Everybody!
53
00:02:38,630 --> 00:02:40,330
You get to school on time with me in
Fiji.
54
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:15,720
to proofread Gabby's homework.
55
00:03:16,140 --> 00:03:18,020
Already did. It's in the living room.
56
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:20,240
You look nice.
57
00:03:21,620 --> 00:03:23,640
You look nice. What time is it?
58
00:03:24,060 --> 00:03:27,460
Afternoon. Where's my phone? I was
supposed to do Mrs. Morris' bypass.
59
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:30,060
Charlie, Charlie, it's okay. It's only 7
.10.
60
00:03:30,940 --> 00:03:32,740
But you look later.
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00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:41,020
Well, this morning, I planned ahead, I
woke up early, and I even got the kids
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all together without any drama.
63
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,640
Did you threaten to move to Fiji?
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00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,080
I did not.
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00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,740
I didn't even yell once.
66
00:03:49,220 --> 00:03:50,600
I need to change, Charlie.
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00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,460
Well, you've got time, but I like what
you're wearing.
68
00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,040
No, a bigger change.
69
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,940
Did Aaron show you the book he made at
school?
70
00:04:00,780 --> 00:04:03,200
The Yelly Monster in My House.
71
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,080
Oh, that's so cute.
72
00:04:06,660 --> 00:04:07,660
Read it.
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00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,740
One morning, a monster yelled at her
kids.
74
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:16,959
gobbled them up, drove them to school,
and spit them out.
75
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:18,500
The end.
76
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:23,160
Ha! The monster kind of looks like...
Oh.
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00:04:24,460 --> 00:04:26,420
Yeah. I'm the Yelly Monster.
78
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:27,760
But not anymore.
79
00:04:27,780 --> 00:04:31,020
I am not going to be the mom in the drop
-off line who gets her kids to tuck and
80
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:32,740
roll as they bounce out of the car.
81
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:36,580
Charlie, I don't want to be the Yelly
Monster.
82
00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:41,280
I want to give the... kids memories i
have you know happy morning laughing and
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00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:47,220
making breakfast with my mom the mom you
currently have she was fun charlie and
84
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:51,980
i am going to be more fun in the morning
starting today because from now on it
85
00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:56,800
is my world that's right and we all just
living in it because mama phillips got
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00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:02,120
it going on never do that again
87
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:06,840
okay do it again gone with your bad self
88
00:05:07,950 --> 00:05:08,950
We're good now.
89
00:05:11,910 --> 00:05:15,770
Aw, look at the three of you sitting
there waiting.
90
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,850
What's wrong with this picture?
91
00:05:19,190 --> 00:05:20,610
Nothing's wrong with this picture.
92
00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:26,190
Because I am awesome and early. I don't
get it. It's morning and you're not
93
00:05:26,190 --> 00:05:28,090
yelling. And your eye's not twitching.
94
00:05:29,290 --> 00:05:32,870
And we are ten minutes ahead of
schedule. I even have time for a latte.
95
00:05:33,130 --> 00:05:35,510
You got ten minutes? I might as well
brush my teeth.
96
00:05:35,990 --> 00:05:37,460
No. Bye. leaves.
97
00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:40,720
Bam! Tiny brush, tiny paste. Hit him up
in the car.
98
00:05:40,980 --> 00:05:41,980
What about blood?
99
00:05:42,060 --> 00:05:43,060
Whacked or unwacked?
100
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,040
I was just testing, like I've lost.
101
00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:49,460
Aaron, lunch.
102
00:05:49,820 --> 00:05:53,560
What do you make? Turkey and Swiss, just
like you asked for last night.
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00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:54,960
That was last night.
104
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,240
How does roast beef grab you?
105
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Always love roast beef.
106
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,240
Good, because that's really roast beef.
107
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:03,340
You're good today.
108
00:06:05,540 --> 00:06:07,120
Gabby, you're... Fixed paper.
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00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:11,120
Your dad proofed it. Oh, he made a cover
page. Way to go, Dad.
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00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:12,760
And Times New Roman.
111
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:14,100
That's fly.
112
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,600
See? Happy morning.
113
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:19,780
You're gonna wear that blazer with that
blouse?
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00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:21,840
Oh, I can go without the blazer.
115
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,680
Yeah, I like that shirt.
116
00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,800
You look like a giant rose bush.
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I'm changing. Nobody move.
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00:06:30,740 --> 00:06:34,000
Oh, man, I can't believe we got up early
just to sit here.
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00:06:34,380 --> 00:06:35,380
You sit.
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00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:37,320
I'm gonna snooze. Wake me in nine
minutes.
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00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,460
Okay, while you snooze, I'm making a new
lunch. I can't get turkey and Swiss out
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00:06:43,460 --> 00:06:44,460
of my head.
123
00:06:46,380 --> 00:06:49,480
It's your snoozing that gets Stephanie's
psycho in the first place.
124
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:54,240
Me? I'm not the one running around all,
I can't do my homework without my daddy.
125
00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:55,340
Boo -frickity -hoo.
126
00:06:57,380 --> 00:06:59,160
At least I do my homework.
127
00:06:59,540 --> 00:07:00,740
Ooh, nerd burn.
128
00:07:03,180 --> 00:07:05,280
A nerd who'll be giving you money when
you're a vagrant.
129
00:07:06,340 --> 00:07:09,380
Correction, won't be giving you money.
I'll just be spitting in your little
130
00:07:11,060 --> 00:07:13,640
That's okay, because when I'm a vagrant,
Aaron will float me.
131
00:07:14,460 --> 00:07:16,180
Way to dream big, idiot.
132
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:21,600
Get off it. You don't even do your
homework. You just text Molly all night.
133
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:22,600
heart Derek.
134
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:23,840
Hashtag yummy.
135
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:26,540
You know what I don't heart?
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00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:28,360
Hashtagging when it's not a tweet.
137
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,240
You little cretin. You're reading my
text?
138
00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:37,390
even doing that? I set my alarm for 3 a
.m., sneak into your bedroom, read your
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00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:41,190
phone, take a picture of you drooling in
your sleep, post it on my blog, answer
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00:07:41,190 --> 00:07:43,230
all the comments, and then crawl back to
bed.
141
00:07:43,450 --> 00:07:45,170
Why do you think I always need to
snooze?
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00:07:46,970 --> 00:07:50,550
James, you come in my room again and no
one will find your body.
143
00:07:51,190 --> 00:07:52,430
Hashtag, I'm not kidding.
144
00:07:53,130 --> 00:07:54,190
Hashtag, for real.
145
00:07:55,730 --> 00:07:58,490
That's not how hashtags work. You're
ruining technology.
146
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:03,360
We're all here.
147
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,300
We're not all here.
148
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,340
Large, medium, we're small.
149
00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:10,340
Kitchen, there's a sandwich crisis.
150
00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:14,440
Ah, well, not a problem, because we are
still eight minutes ahead of schedule.
151
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,900
Aaron, sweetie, what are you doing?
152
00:08:18,180 --> 00:08:20,400
Making a new lunch. Don't see any
turkey.
153
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:21,900
Do we have lobster?
154
00:08:22,940 --> 00:08:24,940
Well, how does bologna sound?
155
00:08:25,260 --> 00:08:26,580
Even better than lobster.
156
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,200
Here, now, well, excuse me.
157
00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:31,840
I'm about to get my phone on.
158
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,380
How many points are a bologna sandwich?
159
00:08:34,860 --> 00:08:36,020
Stop looking at Grandma Maggie.
160
00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:39,820
Why ain't there no latte in my latte?
161
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,580
Did you plug it in? Of course I plugged
it in.
162
00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:45,280
How's that sandwich coming?
163
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,400
Good, I'm putting the bread in the
middle and left it on the outside.
164
00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:50,660
With the air in.
165
00:08:50,740 --> 00:08:52,780
Dad, what did you do to my essay?
166
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:54,760
Gabby, don't you leave that living room.
167
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,540
She's gonna leave that living room.
168
00:08:59,310 --> 00:09:03,810
What's wrong? Dad didn't proofread my
essay. He totally rewrote it. I'm sure
169
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:07,350
just tweaked it a little. It's opinion
-based, and he changed my opinion to his
170
00:09:07,350 --> 00:09:09,190
opinion. So maybe he over -tweaked.
171
00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:13,930
Is it okay to sacrifice your principles
to get ahead if no one gets hurt? What
172
00:09:13,930 --> 00:09:14,930
would you say?
173
00:09:15,190 --> 00:09:17,330
Um, if nobody gets hurt, I guess.
174
00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:21,910
Thank you. That's what I said. And Dad
completely rewrote it to something all
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00:09:21,910 --> 00:09:25,750
preachy about morality and standing for
what you believe in.
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00:09:26,030 --> 00:09:28,230
I'm gonna give that man a piece of my
mind.
177
00:09:29,180 --> 00:09:31,480
Well, make it a small piece. We're down
to three minutes early.
178
00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:32,800
Wait, where did James go?
179
00:09:33,020 --> 00:09:34,019
I don't care.
180
00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:35,520
Dad! James!
181
00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:36,980
Hi, hi, hi!
182
00:09:39,540 --> 00:09:42,720
Table's out, and it's Al Roker time!
183
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:50,420
James, why are you changing when we need
to leave the house? I've seen you wear
184
00:09:50,420 --> 00:09:51,660
the same shirt for a week.
185
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:55,280
Don't freak out, but I just remembered
I'm supposed to go to school as Abe
186
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,060
Lincoln. Just remembered?
187
00:09:57,710 --> 00:10:00,950
Is there anything else you want to tell
me at the last minute? I like you better
188
00:10:00,950 --> 00:10:01,950
than my real mom.
189
00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:05,570
Stephanie!
190
00:10:06,090 --> 00:10:10,390
Al is doing the weather in a Speedo this
morning, and I'm going to need to see
191
00:10:10,390 --> 00:10:11,550
that more than once.
192
00:10:12,010 --> 00:10:13,170
Where did we see Al?
193
00:10:13,370 --> 00:10:14,370
In 1989.
194
00:10:15,870 --> 00:10:18,930
Where it can run free with my Walkman
and my scrunchies.
195
00:10:19,830 --> 00:10:24,350
Okay, Abe Lincoln, what do you need? A
stovepipe hat, a suit, and a beard. Or
196
00:10:24,350 --> 00:10:25,710
could just cover me in $5 bills.
197
00:10:26,390 --> 00:10:28,030
All right, Mom, can you make James'
costume?
198
00:10:28,610 --> 00:10:29,850
I don't have that kind of money.
199
00:10:30,790 --> 00:10:34,530
Uh, well, then, how about you keep an
eye on Aaron and help me finish making
200
00:10:34,530 --> 00:10:35,530
latte?
201
00:10:35,670 --> 00:10:36,670
Okay.
202
00:10:36,730 --> 00:10:38,650
But Al and I are on a clock, too.
203
00:10:41,530 --> 00:10:42,489
Sorry, Stephanie.
204
00:10:42,490 --> 00:10:45,870
I wrote a reminder on my hand, but you
may be watching before dinner, so
205
00:10:45,870 --> 00:10:47,770
actually, there's a lot of blame to go
around.
206
00:10:48,070 --> 00:10:49,430
Mistakes were made and so forth.
207
00:10:51,630 --> 00:10:57,250
We'll just have memories of this as the
happy morning we pulled a costume out of
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00:10:57,250 --> 00:10:58,250
our butt.
209
00:10:58,610 --> 00:11:01,390
Here is your stovepipe hat.
210
00:11:03,570 --> 00:11:05,450
I look like I work at Benihana.
211
00:11:07,070 --> 00:11:09,430
And I know Lincoln didn't wear a powder
blue suit.
212
00:11:10,490 --> 00:11:12,110
He did to his prong.
213
00:11:13,830 --> 00:11:15,550
Okay, fine, fine. Here.
214
00:11:16,090 --> 00:11:17,090
Take my blazer.
215
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:20,950
All right, you keep going on your
costume. I have to change again. This
216
00:11:20,950 --> 00:11:23,850
looks ridiculous without a blazer. Now
that you've opened the door, I'm not
217
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,130
crazy about those pants either.
218
00:11:26,330 --> 00:11:28,250
Really? Is it the cut or the color?
219
00:11:28,630 --> 00:11:29,790
Ah, who am I talking to?
220
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:32,970
It's the fabric. It doesn't fit right.
221
00:11:34,270 --> 00:11:36,650
Dad, you can't just go changing my
opinions.
222
00:11:36,910 --> 00:11:38,690
I gave you your mind. I can change it.
223
00:11:40,070 --> 00:11:43,130
Could you guys wrap this up? We're
leaving as soon as I'm dressed. Hang on
224
00:11:43,130 --> 00:11:44,690
minute, Stephanie. This was a teachable
moment.
225
00:11:44,910 --> 00:11:45,679
Who cares?
226
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,000
teaching, she has to go to school.
227
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,860
Who needs teaching when Dad can just
tell me what to think? I've just got a
228
00:11:51,860 --> 00:11:55,140
old empty head waiting to be filled with
all of your great thoughts.
229
00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:57,160
What should I be thinking now, Dad?
230
00:11:57,380 --> 00:12:00,360
You should be thinking I need to cancel
my weekend plans because I just talked
231
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:01,360
crazy to my father.
232
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:06,240
Fine. But I'm still going to print my
original paper from before you dadified
233
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:07,240
it.
234
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,740
Giving up your principles is unethical,
young lady. And when you print it up, I
235
00:12:10,740 --> 00:12:14,260
want to go over it with you line by
line, no matter how long it takes. No
236
00:12:14,260 --> 00:12:15,260
how long it takes?
237
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,680
Charlie, if you can't help me with the
kids, at least don't make it worse. I am
238
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:21,280
helping. I'm helping Gabby with her
homework, like you told me to.
239
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:24,020
Okay, well, while she's printing that
out, can you help deal with Jane's
240
00:12:24,020 --> 00:12:26,180
costume? I'm a man. I don't multitask.
241
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,600
What? I saw it in one of your magazines.
242
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,700
Apparently, I do one thing at a time,
and I do it very well.
243
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,820
Right now, I'm teaching my daughter
ethics.
244
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:39,160
Right now, you're just sitting here
blowing out hot air.
245
00:12:39,460 --> 00:12:44,380
Charlie? This is supposed to be my
happy, on -time, looking great with my
246
00:12:44,380 --> 00:12:47,100
morning. But here I am, turning into a
Yelly Monster.
247
00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:50,580
Oh, come on, honey. You are not being
Yelly Monster. Oh, shut up, Charlie! You
248
00:12:50,580 --> 00:12:51,580
don't know me!
249
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:58,960
All right, James, we gotta make this
fast. We ruined all of our earliness,
250
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,240
now we're running late. Here, put these
on. I need to be taller, not friendless.
251
00:13:03,940 --> 00:13:07,820
Lincoln was very unpopular in his time,
so this worked. Well, and that were
252
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:08,820
indeed.
253
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:12,200
And beards are supposed to be fluffy and
jolly, not flat and two -ply.
254
00:13:13,580 --> 00:13:16,840
But we've got to make do with what we've
got, and what we've got is no time.
255
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,880
Okay, but I thought we could use these
cotton balls and glue.
256
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:22,740
You've had that the entire time?
257
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:26,940
Yes. And based on how nuts you're
getting, I should have led with that
258
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:27,940
information.
259
00:13:28,820 --> 00:13:29,820
I'm not getting nuts.
260
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,200
I'm fine.
261
00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:34,500
Now, you just glue all these cotton
balls together, and I'll paint them with
262
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:35,500
this black shoe polish.
263
00:13:40,209 --> 00:13:44,790
Obviously, the last idiot to use this
didn't screw the top on all the way.
264
00:13:45,590 --> 00:13:50,330
Idiot? Or highly intelligent individual
who was trying to prank his sister and
265
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,970
got distracted by chocolate cake?
266
00:13:54,370 --> 00:13:55,370
That's fine.
267
00:13:55,490 --> 00:14:01,750
I'll just change out of my favorite but
now ruined silk blouse and sweater.
268
00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:03,790
I mean, it really got in there.
269
00:14:05,190 --> 00:14:06,650
You know, James...
270
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:11,660
Honey, where's the shoe polish?
271
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,300
This is black. I need brown.
272
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:20,000
You know what, Dad?
273
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:24,180
I was rereading your changes to my
essay, and I think I'm going to turn in
274
00:14:24,180 --> 00:14:27,800
version after all. Glad you finally
realized that sacrificing your
275
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:32,560
wrong. Dad, please. Your opinion is
totally lame. But you used way fancier
276
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:35,720
than me. I mean, ergo, I'm so getting an
A.
277
00:14:37,140 --> 00:14:39,760
What? Gabby, let's go. Okay.
278
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,620
You've got your morning hat downstairs,
right? Because you've got the black gunk
279
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:43,620
in your hair.
280
00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:51,900
Gabby, you can't turn in someone else's
paper just to get an A. Did you forget
281
00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:53,060
when you ordered me to?
282
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:56,300
No, no, no, no, no. Don't turn this
around on me. I was making you a better
283
00:14:56,300 --> 00:14:59,260
person. And now I'll get a better grade,
which will get me into a better
284
00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:02,180
college, which will make me a better
person.
285
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:03,500
Ergo.
286
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:04,680
Hashtag thanks, Dad.
287
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:07,680
You're not even using ergo correctly.
288
00:15:15,430 --> 00:15:16,670
A popsicle sandwich?
289
00:15:16,890 --> 00:15:17,809
Not a chance.
290
00:15:17,810 --> 00:15:20,410
If you're worried about it melting, I
got that covered.
291
00:15:20,990 --> 00:15:22,050
Freeze it back, baby.
292
00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:26,730
Peanut butter, baby.
293
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,010
Go.
294
00:15:28,230 --> 00:15:29,910
Mom, why did you stop him?
295
00:15:30,310 --> 00:15:33,450
Because I don't like him up in my
business, so I try to stay out of his
296
00:15:33,450 --> 00:15:34,450
business.
297
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,980
This is a happy morning. We will
remember as happy. Right, Aaron?
298
00:15:42,220 --> 00:15:45,300
Aaron, why are you spreading peanut
butter on your hand?
299
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:46,680
We used up all the bread.
300
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,380
All right, let's see what we've got.
301
00:15:50,060 --> 00:15:53,180
Um, what about carrot and string cheese?
302
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:54,720
That's not a lunch.
303
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,340
Meatloaf I made last night?
304
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:57,419
Come on.
305
00:15:57,420 --> 00:15:59,480
Uh, pickles and yogurt?
306
00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:00,740
What am I, pregnant?
307
00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:04,880
Just tell the cafeteria to heat up
whatever this is.
308
00:16:05,220 --> 00:16:07,480
What if I don't like it? You better like
it.
309
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:22,260
with you I have three kids I have to
take to school every day but apparently
310
00:16:22,260 --> 00:16:29,040
can't do it without turning into a
yelling monster sweetheart kids are slow
311
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:35,500
yelling gets them in gear when I was a
kid you never yelled in the morning
312
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,640
yelled I raised you I
313
00:16:47,210 --> 00:16:49,950
Perner's secret to an easy morning.
314
00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:51,350
Please, tell me.
315
00:16:53,190 --> 00:16:54,190
Cookies.
316
00:16:55,690 --> 00:16:56,690
Cookies.
317
00:16:59,130 --> 00:17:00,130
Cookies.
318
00:17:01,090 --> 00:17:06,150
When you were little, I used to tell you
if you were in that car in one minute
319
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,950
flat, there'd be a treat on the seat.
320
00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:10,910
You bribed me with food?
321
00:17:11,690 --> 00:17:13,630
That's the worst parenting move I've
ever heard.
322
00:17:14,030 --> 00:17:16,569
Good. So you don't remember how a potty
trained you.
323
00:17:19,050 --> 00:17:20,250
Heck, did you potty train me?
324
00:17:20,730 --> 00:17:21,730
Never mind.
325
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:24,410
You know where to go, and you'll never
forget it.
326
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:28,290
Come on, everybody. Let's go.
327
00:17:28,690 --> 00:17:29,990
Not so fast, Gabby.
328
00:17:30,510 --> 00:17:32,210
I'm not going to let you turn in my
version.
329
00:17:32,590 --> 00:17:34,310
You'll turn in your original paper.
330
00:17:34,710 --> 00:17:38,110
I can't. You saved your version over my
original document.
331
00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:39,790
I what now?
332
00:17:40,790 --> 00:17:41,790
Deal with it.
333
00:17:42,370 --> 00:17:44,030
Tell the teacher the computer broke.
334
00:17:44,270 --> 00:17:46,850
You want me to lie to my ethics teacher?
335
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,240
Ignore the irony. Go to school.
336
00:17:51,980 --> 00:17:54,460
Erin, what are you doing with my
leftover lobster Thermidor?
337
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:57,040
So that's what's in here. I knew we had
lobster.
338
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,640
No, no, no, no, no. I have lobster.
339
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:01,140
And you're buying lunch.
340
00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:03,860
James!
341
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,660
Now you're Obama on a Saturday.
342
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,180
Everyone in the car.
343
00:18:32,340 --> 00:18:33,560
Don't forget your latte.
344
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:34,980
Oh, yes. Thank you, thank you.
345
00:18:36,540 --> 00:18:42,960
I left the lid loose in case you wanted
some sweetener.
346
00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:45,820
But I see you don't.
347
00:18:47,540 --> 00:18:48,540
That's okay.
348
00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:50,580
I'm not even going to change.
349
00:18:51,140 --> 00:18:56,480
I am just going to grab my failure coat
and drive everyone to school.
350
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,360
Your heel broke. I know that.
351
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:04,440
Before these.
352
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:07,120
Great. The loser boots.
353
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,440
They go with my failure coat.
354
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,080
And now all I need is my sad hat.
355
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:15,480
Here it is, Stephanie.
356
00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:22,600
All I wanted was one morning where I
didn't go crazy. But did I get it? Did I
357
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,840
get it? Huh? Huh? Of course I didn't.
Because I...
358
00:19:30,890 --> 00:19:32,670
And I don't care!
359
00:19:34,890 --> 00:19:37,730
If you really don't care, I kind of need
to charge my phone.
360
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:42,030
I have to make a quick diary. And if I'm
going to be weak as Obama, I need my
361
00:19:42,030 --> 00:19:43,050
presidential high tops.
362
00:19:46,150 --> 00:19:47,150
Yelly monster.
363
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,200
You don't say I told you so.
364
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:04,600
But I did.
365
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:08,640
I just remembered, I don't need to be
president until tomorrow.
366
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:13,440
Just because you take him to school
doesn't mean you have to pick him up.
367
00:20:17,860 --> 00:20:19,860
Come on, guys, let's go. We're running
late.
368
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:21,680
Coming. Everybody got everything?
369
00:20:22,140 --> 00:20:24,960
Are the cookies in the glove box? Why
don't you get in the car and find out?
370
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,940
Those shoes with bad jackets? You're
braver than me.
371
00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:33,810
I have to change my shoes.
30029
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