Original subtitles

Hey, boys. How'd you like to help me with these wedding favors?

We're walking. I'll pay you. We're listening.

All right. I need 500 for my client's wedding reception.

Each box needs two chocolates, one with a W and one with a K.

500 boxes, $500. 20. 50.

20. Fine, but you're giving me self -esteem issues.

Wait till you start dating.

Here. All right.

Two chocolates, one box, no eating.

What about the damaged one? Which ones are damaged?

This one with the bite in it?

Erin, I'm not paying you guys to eat. Don't worry, Steph. This one's on the

house.

Hey, hey. Lay off my chocolate or nobody gets paid.

Dude!

You can buy all the chocolate we want when she gives us our 50.

20.

Hey, Stephanie.

You look nice today.

Oh, thank you.

I started using this great eye cream. Right. You're still new at this.

nice today means can i have some money for the mall uh well you could help the

boys and earn some money yeah i'm not doing all that hey dad

you look nice today bring me back a mongolian chicken bowl hey will do love

you bye let me get this straight gabby gets money for saying you look nice but

we have to work for it that's gotta be worth two chocolate stop it stop it stop

it

Chocolate hurts my tooth.

If it hurts, stop eating it.

I can't help it. It tastes better than it hurts.

I need those frozen peas for dinner. Here, use this popsicle.

Thanks.

Ow!

Erin, sweetie, it's for the outside of your mouth. But it's limit.

Ow.

Ow!

Give me that.

Hey, I finished all 500 wedding favors. You couldn't have filled all the boxes.

You ate at least 30 chocolates.

Let's just say a few lucky guests are going to enjoy some Raisin Bran and a

gummy vitamin.

I can't give any of that as a wedding favor.

Well, then you're in a pickle.

Speaking of which, one of them has a pickle.

Jane, get everything that's not chocolate out of those boxes.

How about 50 bucks? How about you get to live in this house? How about 20? How

about you get to live?

Pretty sure you're bluffing, but I'm kind of hungry and I want that pickle.

Okay. Thanks for trying to squeeze my son in, Dr. Porter.

Sure, I can hold.

I hate the dentist.

Oh, sweetie, the dentist is your friend.

And I'm thinking I'm more of a loner.

I'll be upstairs growing a beard and building a cabin.

I don't understand why people are afraid of the dentist.

It might have something to do with all that drilling and yanking.

Well, I wouldn't know anything about that.

I've been cavity -free my whole life. I am a dental rock star.

You can?

Oh, that's perfect. I owe you one, Dr. Porter.

Yeah. I always feel silly playing the professional courtesy card with a

like he's a real doctor.

Honey, you probably should hang up.

Oh, no.

See? This isn't so bad.

This is the captain speaking.

Take us to warp speed.

You go warp speed. I'll be in the car.

than this.

Based on what?

Cheese?

Hey, Aaron. Nice to meet you.

I heard there were toys. I like mine to go.

What do you say, Mom? Why don't we show Aaron how easy it's going to be?

Oh, well, I may not remember how this goes. I haven't done it in a while.

Perfect piece.

Well, it's just like riding a bike, which you should only do with a mouth

I have dorks. Great. Now I'm free to bike.

See, Aaron? We just do a little look -see, a little water, and a little

and we are done.

Yes, we are.

No big deal.

Piece of cake.

Actually, cake is the leading cause of Tuesday cake. No! It's a notch -born

for me.

All right, Aaron, it's your turn. And don't worry, I'll be with you every step

of the way.

Okay, Aaron.

It's in the back on the bottom left.

Okay, open wide.

A little wider.

Good job, Aaron.

See? It's simple.

Aren't you having a good time?

I'd rather have cook.

Okay, I see it. There is a cavity, and it's on his baby tooth.

And since it hurts, you will need to bring him back in to get it filled.

No problem.

Great. And while we're at it, we can take care of that cavity in your

That what in my what -what?

Dr. Porter? We do not say that name in this house.

That man is dead to me.

What happened?

I've got a cavity.

It's tiny. They're going to fill it.

Not unless it's with chocolate.

Don't worry. He'll be fine.

Why are you so upset?

That quack claimed I've got a cavity. You know what? I want a second opinion.

Here, take a look for yourself.

Where did you get a dental mirror?

Aaron got a toy. I figured I deserved something.

Uh -oh. Does this mean the dental rock star is going to have to cancel her

perfect teeth tour?

Yes, which makes me available to sing backup on your bald head tour.

Okay, that's hurtful.

And so is this tooth, since that quack poked at it.

You mean it never bothered you before?

Well, it may have been a little sensitive when I drank something really

really cold.

Or really wet.

I fixed all your chocolate wedding favors and put them in your trunk.

James, it's like 80 degrees out. Don't worry. They've only been there for a

couple of hours. Maybe five.

I was driving around with him all day.

Great. Now I've got $600 worth of chocolate soup.

I will clean up your trunk.

Unrelated. Do we have any graham crackers and marshmallows?

Hey, Dad.

You look nice today.

Sorry, the Bank of Dad is rejecting your withdrawal request.

That can't be right. Maybe I just need a new pin code.

I love my daddy.

If you want money, you're going to have to work for it. That was not our

unspoken agreement.

Since when? Since I pointed out to your father that he's being played.

But the good news is, I might have a little job for you. Job?

Like work?

Like call the chocolate shop and order a thousand monogram chocolates, half with

a W and half with a K. Then box them, wrap them, and keep them away from the

boys. You lost me at little job.

You sure you don't want to give me that money because you are working that

sweater, vet?

And you are working my last nerve.

Grandma Maggie, you look nice today.

And you look broke.

I was a teenage girl. I raised a teenage girl. There isn't a teenage girl flim

flam I don't know about.

This is not a flim flam. I'm just short a little money for books.

Library free.

I meant money for a field trip.

You go to a public school, they don't go anywhere.

Next.

I'm sponsoring a hungry child from a third world country.

Which one?

The girl.

What do you really want this money for?

A mini skirt, some nice boots, and tickets to the Pharrell concert where

wearing them.

Pharrell! Oh, I like him. He makes me happy.

So you'll give me the money?

I said it makes me happy, not crazy.

Okay, one more time. Where is your cavity?

Baby teeth.

And what happens to baby teeth? They fall out.

But mine's Harley loose. That's where I come in. With this time -honored

scientific method, I've seen work a thousand times in cartoons.

Here, tie this string to your tooth.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold up there, Wile E. Coyote.

What are you thinking?

I'm just trying to spare my brother excruciating pain.

I have a video game dental dungeon.

And the dungeon keeper's drill is like this long. James. And the drill goes

like. James. And one guy's face exploded.

It's a rock.

No, no, no. Nobody's getting any rock.

Well, nobody's getting in my mouth either.

That's not your call. We're the parents. We'll decide what's best for you.

Charlie, let me.

Aaron. You know, I would never ask you to do something I would not do. That's

right. She wouldn't. And remember how I said I'll be there with you every step

of the way, no matter what? That's right. No matter what.

So you and I, together, won't go.

Exactly. What?

You know, the only reason Aaron's not getting his cavity filled is because you

won't go in for yours. I don't have to go.

I'm using positive thinking. My tooth is healing itself.

Yeah, because that happens.

You medical professionals think you know all about the human body.

That's why they let us carry the shiny stethoscope.

Though there is still the occasional mystery.

Like, why is my butt suddenly cold?

I don't know. Why don't you find that shiny stethoscope and check it out?

What?

I get hungry in the middle of the night.

For frozen peas?

Don't let me stop you.

Snack away.

Are you sure you want to make me do this?

Because when trust leaves a marriage... I believe in us.

Eat the peas.

Mm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Stop! Stop!

How's Aaron ever going to learn to conquer his fears when you run away from

yours?

I don't have any fears.

Good?

Delicious.

And pain -free.

I can chew all night.

Great. Because I have got your favorite right here.

Peanut brittle.

1 ,000 dark chocolate truffles by tomorrow afternoon.

Half monogrammed with a W, half with a K.

And it's $600, right?

I'm sorry.

Cancel that. The wedding's off.

Turns out W was on the DL with K's BFF.

What are you doing? Seth's going to pay me $40.

Chump change.

I got a plan to make up some real money. What do you need money for? Atlantic

City, baby.

My prayer circle and I are going to put our powers to the test.

So, here's the plan. You and I go to the 89 cent store, spend $20 on some

cheap candy, glitter pens, boom, monogram chocolate.

And we pocket the leftover money.

That's right. You and I split $580.

Did I hear something in the mid -three figures?

This is not your scam.

Keep walking.

Your confidence is adorable.

What are you two doing?

Something psychopathic.

Not psychopathic, homeopathic.

Are you sure this stuff will work?

Absolutely. In ancient times, long before there were any dentists, you know

they cured a toothache?

Whiskey?

Where would you even get that idea?

It's not in a cowboy movie.

Did it work?

I don't know. They hung the guy.

All right, back to my plan.

Nature's medicine.

Oil of clothes.

Yep, two drops on your gum.

All right, open up, kiddo. You first.

Okay, maybe we'll pass on that one.

All right, let's try this one. It's an herbal poultice.

It has sage.

thyme, and rosemary.

Huh. You can season a turkey with this.

Wait. This is turkey seasoning.

All that cranberry sauce, can we use that? No.

Sweet potatoes?

No. Pumpkin pie?

We're not doing Thanksgiving.

Oh, what else you got? Because my tooth is starting to hurt again.

Oh, sweetie, mine's too.

I've been eating baby food for 24 hours.

You know what?

We both need to suck it up and go see that dentist.

Who's... just try that thing where James ties my tooth to a rock?

Sorry, Aaron. The rock was a bad idea.

Oh, thank you, James.

I'm thinking car bumper.

Just gonna let the gas get to work, and then we can get started.

See? This isn't so bad.

I'm sitting in my spaceship chair, I've got my space mask on, and I'm feeling

pretty good about the whole thing.

Ooh, I'm starting to feel real good about the whole thing.

What's that?

Ow, ow, ow, that's my scalpel hand.

You can hold mine, Steph.

Ow, ow, ow, that's my tetherball hand.

You know what? My tooth feels all better. You are amazing, Dr. Porter.

go. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I put two hours in that parking meter. I want

my money's worth.

Okay, I'm going to turn this up so we can get you more relaxed.

I don't think this is working, Dr.

Deuter.

You know, Charlie doesn't think that dentists are real doctors.

He will when he sees my bill.

See, Erin, you have nothing to worry about.

I know. My teeth fell out this morning.

What?

Charlie, did you know about this?

More gats, more gats.

I'm done with my half.

Me too.

500 chocolate truffles monogrammed with the letter K.

K?

I was doing K.

Nuh -uh. When I said, do you want to do W, you said okay.

No, I said K, as in I'll do K.

I don't want to do no W.

We've got a thousand Ks. What are we supposed to do now?

Well, obviously, we're going to have to break up K. Kelly, and Walter and find

her a Ken.

Or a pretentious Christopher.

We're going to have to buy more chocolate, and that's really going to

our profit.

Well, we would have more profit if somebody didn't insist on our buying the

fancy cooking glitter. The regular glitter would kill you. Oh, you are

me.

I need some chocolate.

Oh, have one with a K.

Say K to me one more time.

Does it have nuts in it?

It's not supposed to.

Then what's in my mouth?

I don't know, but I'm trying to swallow and my body won't let me.

I feel like I need to scrape my tongue.

You can still feel yours?

Oh, we can't serve this 89 cent stuff to anybody. We better call the original

chocolate shop.

There's no way they'll be able to fill this order by tonight.

Hello, ladies.

Is everything okay? Or should I say, okay?

You gonna taunt or help?

Why, I'm here to help, of course. But first, a taunt in five parts.

Part one, robot.

You have failed.

Terminate. Terminate.

Part two, Morse code. Get to the help part.

I can fix this whole thing?

$100. Only $100?

Including the chocolate?

$100 for me.

Then, bring this purchase order to the chocolate shop and pay another $600 when

you pick it up.

How did you... Don't ask questions.

We now accept all major credit cards.

Anybody home?

Okay, we are out. Do not tell Stephanie.

Some of us are only halfway back.

Stop helping me. I'm mad at you.

Can't you tell?

Oh, look at my nose.

You've got a nose.

Yeah, for the eighth time. It's the same nose I had in the car, same nose I had

at the dentist.

Stephanie's got her tooth filled.

Hey, Stephanie, want some more water? Oh, thank you, Aaron. My tiny tooth was

caught.

Watch this.

Aaron, would you stop doing that?

Hey, Steph, can I get you some milk?

Oh, do great, Steph.

Boys, knock it off. She's not a fountain.

Go upstairs.

Hey, Aaron, why aren't you all loopy? Oh, his tooth fell out, and Charlie

tell me. Why didn't you tell me, Charlie?

Because you were conquering your fear and being such a great role model. Oh,

that you couldn't trust me to go to it through it with my own to fix?

That's right.

I said it.

Not exactly sure how to respond, because I'm not exactly sure what was said.

Listen, when Charlie comes back in this room, he and I are going to have a long

trust about talk.

Now bring me that nose.

Hey, honey, you want the last piece of peanut brittle?

I can't.

I already started my resonance.

Floss, water cake, four minutes with the electric toothbrush, these fluoride

trays, and finish with mouthwash.

And then I did the same thing for my upper row.

Wow.

Isn't it easier to just go to the dentist when you realize you have a

No, no, no. You don't understand, Charlie. This way, I'll never have a

More peanut brittle for me.