All language subtitles for instant_mom_s02e03_gabbys_game_boy

Good game, buddy. Now let's wash up,
grab a healthy snack, and start our

homework so we can get to bed at a
reasonable hour.

You kill me.

Okay, I'm on the planet, I'm looking
cute, and I'm dead.

Oh, I get another life.

And there it went.

That's weird. Why is Gavin playing your
video game?

Maybe this is part of that once a month
thing Dad was telling me about.

Her gamertag is sweet lips for you?

Gross. Why couldn't I have been an only
child?

I'm standing right here.

She's playing with someone named Waffle
King.

Hey, you think that's Molly?

Hey, babe, I love your beard. How do I
take my helmet off? I want to make our

characters kiss.

I don't think that's Molly.

Do you know what this means? Gabby has a
boyfriend.

Gee, Steph, don't sneak up like that.
Oh, I tried to kiss you, but I blew your

face off.

Sorry. Aw, I can't believe Gabby has a
boyfriend.

I am so happy for her.

Gabby and Waffle King sitting in a tree.

H -U -G -G -I -N -G.

That better be all they're doing.

What are you people, ninjas? We're a
bell.

No, you're the sweetest. No, you are.

I'm locking her in a tower.

A tower with no Wi -Fi.

Let's all just take a breath, okay?
Boys, go to your room, and Charlie, go

your coffee maker.

Bye.

Wait, I think I hear my family coming. I
gotta go before they catch me talking

to you. I'll text you.

No, you're the sneakiest.

I can't believe Gabby has a secret
boyfriend.

She knows she's not allowed to date
until she's 16.

I say we sit her down and calmly ask her
who this boy is while we calmly dangle

her phone over a bucket of bleach.

It's that attitude that made her hide
her boyfriend from you.

You weren't exactly in the know. Only
because I haven't looked at her

in a while. Gabby trusts me.

Gabby blocked me?

Who's Waffle King? Bye, guys.

Not so fast, young lady.

We know the two of you are going steady.

Charlie, they're dating in secret, not
in 1954.

Are you guys spying on me? Last time I
checked, this was America.

You were playing a video game we bought
on a TV we bought in a living room we

bought. Go ahead. Call your congressman.

On the phone we bought that you used to
have.

Waffle King and I are following all of
your rules. We've only gone out in

of six or more, and I'm always home by
her feet. Oh, stop splitting hairs. You

know what you were doing. Okay, can we
at least know his real name?

It isn't Waffle King, is it?

I love you guys, but my life is private,
my feelings are private, and my

relationship is private.

Relationship?

Feeling?

Good thing Dad has these old people
hammers in the garage.

Move over.

I'm going first.

Apple Smash.

We've been in it for game night
tomorrow.

As game nights are, I am going to need a
copy of the rules, a list of the

equipment, and for you two to get real,
because there ain't no way you're

playing that.

Meanwhile, clean up this mess.

And get all the seeds.

There's already enough stuff growing in
here.

Sorry, but we had to play something.

Gabby's hogging my video game again.

Is she playing with Waffle King?

Who do you want to what now?

Gabby's secret new boyfriend. She won't
even tell me his name. His name is Noah,

and he's not that new. They've been
dating for two months.

Two months and she didn't tell me?

Wait, when did you find all this out?

I looked at her Instagram.

She let you look at her Instagram?

She does when I steal her phone.

Tell me everything. I'll give you
whatever you want. Just get Gabby off my

game. That's it?

Done. Wait, no. Pony made a goal. Too
late.

Didn't think it through.

Charlie, what are you doing?

I'm nailing Gabby's window shut.

Because the guy at the hardware store
got all judgy when I asked him for razor

wire.

Honey, this won't make Gabby any more
open with us or able to escape in a

This is what you do as a parent. You set
boundaries. If your child walks beyond

them, you fortify those boundaries.

Now, if you'll let me get back to work,
I have motion sensors to install.

You know, how about you put a pin in
your crazy?

and try bringing him in instead of
pushing her away, which is what this is

to do.

How are we going to bring him in? We
don't even know his name.

His name is Noah, and I think we should
invite him to our family game night.

Yeah, no, that ain't going to happen.

There's no way I'm bringing him here and
having all of you embarrass me. What

makes you think we'll embarrass you? All
of the neighbors are outside watching

Dad nail my window shut.

Please, it's nobody.

Keep walking that dog, Mrs. Meharry.
Nothing to see here.

Gabby, you can invite Noah over, or I'll
do it myself. I've been checking his

Instagram. I'll just wait for him by his
locker, number 256.

Or the yogurt place he likes. Or the
park where he plays soccer. Fine.

I'll bring him to game night. Dad, move
the ladder. I need to jump out the

window.

Remember, the key is visualization.

Picture everything going everywhere.

I'm seeing it.

Liking it.

All right, boys, listen up. Gabby's
boyfriend will be here any minute.

Seriously? I told you, no apple smash.

This is apple smash, too.

Tomatoes.

Okay, how do I look?

You look great.

Noah's blind, right?

Do me a favor. Be less you tonight.

Oh, don't listen to him. You look
beautiful.

Now come help me with the game night
snack.

I'm whooping up a little Parcheesi and
crackers.

That. That is exactly what we said we
weren't doing.

So no trivial prosciutto?

Stephanie!

Hi, hi, hi!

It's game night, people!

I brought the scoreboard, some extra
dice, and a trophy for the

winner.

This already has your name engraved on
it?

Why make two trips when I already know
how the night's gonna end?

I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it,
I'll get it. Nobody messes up the secret

of my Maggie. I'll get it.

Noah?

Everybody.

Everybody? Noah.

Hey, thanks for having me.

I don't have to put on a tie for this
Yahoo, do I?

Charlie. Noah.

Good to meet you.

Sorry about the Yahoo crack. I was
just... What am I doing? You're trying

date my daughter. You should be awkward
around me.

Well, I feel awkward enough for
everyone. So why don't we all be awkward

together on the couch?

All right.

But game night is on a tight schedule. I
only blocked off three minutes for

jibber -jabber.

So, Noah, tell us about yourself.

Starting with your social security
number.

Dad's always making jokes. From now on,
he's gonna write them down on his game

pad and then burn them.

No, seriously, what do you like to do in
your spare time?

I guess I read a lot. Why?

For fun.

I don't follow.

You're a junior. What kind of colleges
are you looking at?

None. I don't believe in college.

I'm sorry that it exists.

College isn't Narnia.

Noah wants to find himself.

He's going to find himself living in a
bus station.

Dad, since there's a lull in the
conversation, Grab those dice and get it

rolling!

All due respect, Dr. Phillips, but Steve
Jobs, John Lennon, Oprah, they didn't

finish college.

Neither did the guys coming to my
windshield with newspapers.

People! Game night.

Who wants to pick the first game?

I'm enjoying this one.

So, Noah, how do your parents feel about
your plans to have no plan?

My parents are trying to force me into
medical school.

Well, they sound delightful. Why didn't
we invite them over?

Not everyone wants to be a doctor, Dad.

I do.

Or a fireman. Or a superhero.

Yeah, I don't want to be a doctor.

I have moral issues charging sick people
800 bucks for aspirin.

Dang, you've been holding that on me,
money bag.

I'm more concerned with treating the
sick than charging them. Sure. Just as

as they have insurance, right?

Oh, Jay!

I'm with you.

Yeah, this game ain't half bad.

Five parts for the Waffle King.

If you'll excuse me, I have to use the
little Yahoo's room.

Through there and to the left.

Don't look at the family pictures on the
way. If you see one of a little girl

taking a bath, that's James.

So, how's everybody?

like a Noah.

Five, six, seven.

Ha, that's my property with a hotel. You
owe me $800.

Wait a minute. Even with a hotel, it's
still only $450.

We're now serving a complimentary
continental breakfast.

Ah, power company, Noah. You want to buy
it?

No, thank you. I don't believe in the
privatization of public utilities.

You don't get a college degree, you're
going to wind up on the public

Yeah, we moved on. Roll.

Well, why would I need a college degree?

So I can join the rat race and do the
same job every single day?

Then find myself pushing 50 and all I
have to show for it is a roof over my

family's head and a nice car in the
driveway? Yeah, how bougie is that?

Or even worse, what if you're not the
fastest rat in the race?

What if all you do is flail around, just
lurching from job to job, hoping to pay

off your student loans?

Hey, I'm getting them down.

Huh? Oh, Noah wasn't talking about you.

No. Yeah, I know.

Now do you grab my Maggie?

You could.

Or you could walk out of here with
teeth.

I was just talking about myself and how
I wouldn't want to make any decisions

that I'll regret. Oh, look, timer's up.
New game. So we're done.

Big surprise.

Now we get to play something I can win.
Nothing involving smashing produce and

mallets. Nope.

Ogre's Midnight Graveyard.

Oh, I love that game.

The extra patrols are upstairs.

Noah and I will get them. Not without a
chaperone.

I'll go with Noah. Sure. Cool. I can
play in my rock collection or in my bug

collection. I just divide it into dead
and almost dead.

I got this rock when we went on a
camping trip.

And I found this bad boy an hour ago in
my shoe.

You know, when Gabby mentioned you were
into rocks, I had no idea you were such

a connoisseur.

Is that a fancy way of saying dork?

Because Gabby's friends never get my
rocks.

Well, I do.

Really? Yeah. I think your collection is
awesome.

In fact...

I thought maybe you could add this to
it.

That's a moon rock.

Came all the way from space.

Is it a keeper?

Yeah, thanks!

I'll take that as a maybe.

Maggie, if you're going to be on my
team, you're going to have to fight.

Charlie, I am going to fight. As soon as
I figure out how to stop walking in the

walls.

Okay, now I'm just looking at the
ceiling.

Thanks again for having me over, Dr.
Phillips.

And I apologize for what I'm about to
do.

Whoa! You just pulled out his spine!

Put that back!

He also stole my heart.

Don't.

Don't make it lame.

How did you do that spine thing?

Up, down, egg, egg, double tap the
joystick and hold the right trigger.

I know you didn't just rip my head off!

You're like the brother I never had.

I'm still right here.

All right, who wants a snack? I've got
hungry, hungry Chippos.

I thought we talked about that.

Yeah, that was a good one.

Come on, we're playing young versus old.

Get ready to lose, old people.

Uh, Steph?

Pull up a wheelchair, honey.

Aaron, sweetie, the word is flashlight.

You have to get your team to guess that
without saying any of the words on the

card, okay?

Oh, right.

Okay, guys, pay attention, because I'm
not allowed to say... Mount Rushmore.

Aaron, sweetie, that was the word again.

Stop distracting the boy. There's only
so much sand in the timer.

I have time.

It's cool. You'll get it next round.

He better if he wants to keep getting
those $12 birthday checks.

All right, Charlie, let's show them how
it's done.

Ah, yeah.

Three, go.

Oh, this is where we went on our
honeymoon.

Italy. Oh, sorry, wrong honeymoon.

Oh, Buckingham Palace.

England. Right.

Oh, this is your favorite dessert.

Creme brulee.

What? Since when?

Since our amazing romantic weekend in
Vegas.

We never went to Vegas.

I know what we're up to. Let's do this.

All right.

I'm ready.

Okay.

Your thing from third period.

Starfish. Right.

Okay, okay. You think Kelsey Goldberg
is... Oh, bobblehead. Yes.

Okay, okay. I got it. You always say she
tries too hard.

Stepmother. Yes.

The time you're at the mall. The guy who
had the long... Flip back a card, Noah.

Steph, it was just a dumb clue. Noah,
keep going.

Time. You think I try too hard?

Is that why... you blocked me on
Instagram?

What's the big deal? You see me all the
time at home. Yeah, I see you, but you

don't tell me anything.

You've had a boyfriend for two months,
and I still wouldn't know his name if

James hadn't stolen your phone.

James did what now?

Privacy is such a myth.

The government's looking at everything.

Not the time, Waffle.

Gabby, is that how you talk about me? I
didn't want to do this tonight in the

first place, but you just had to meet my
boyfriend.

Well, I'm sorry.

I guess I was trying too hard.

So much for game night.

Clearly, I'm the big loser.

Actually, according to the scoreboard,
Charlie is the big loser.

Charlie,

I hate what this Noah kid's done to our
Gabby. I say we kick him out and send

him to college. We know he won't be
going there.

Look, I'm not going to start wearing a T
-shirt with Noah's face on it, but I

hear some girls have brought home much
worse.

Stop talking to my mother.

Anyway, what happened here? A couple of
days ago, you were nailing her window

shut. Well, you saw the two of them
tonight.

Even if we tell them they can't be
together, they're not going to listen to

We can't control what Gabby does at
school or at Molly's or at Molly's.

We can control how he fits in your
trunk.

I'll tell you what.

I'll play you for it.

It's still game night.

High card.

If I win, we find a way to make the
thief. If you win, we do it your way.

Cement shoes, roll them up in a rug,
ladies' choice.

I'll settle for not letting Gabby see
him anymore.

Okay?

Ha -ha -ha!

Queen!

Noah is about to go -a.

Uh -uh -uh -uh.

Sorry, babe.

Noah's babe.

What? You be the queen? Show me.

I'll be a loser.

No, I want to see the card, Charlie. I'm
not going to show you the card. I am

calling your bluff.

Two of diamonds. I won.

But it doesn't matter, though, does it?

It's not that I want Noah gone.

I just want Gabby back.

What happened to me, Charlie?

I was the it parent.

I was the cool parent. I was the parent
where all the other parents were like,

what? How'd she do that?

Now I'm just a parent.

Come in.

I'm about ready to start the awards
ceremony.

And you are going to miss my song!

Who's watching Gabby and Noah?

They're probably watching each other.
They're out on the porch.

You let them go out there alone?

Hey, hey, hey.

I raised you. I can't raise everybody.

Thank you for suffering through this.

Are you kidding?

Gabby, tonight was great.

But they happened.

I'd trade my family for yours any day.

We don't even have to trade. You can
just have mine.

You do realize I'm related to those
crazy people.

And if they weren't them, you wouldn't
be you.

And who would want that?

Say goodnight, Gabby.

Dr.

Phillips?

Waffles?

The kids are...

finally at least.

Are you sure?

I don't want them walking in on us.

Oh, I'm sure.

We have to be very quiet.

Oh.

I've been waiting for this all night.

Don't start without me.

We wouldn't think of it.

It's so wrong, but it feels so right.

All right. On three. One, two.