All language subtitles for i_ship_it_s02e05_spinning_off

Previously on I Shibbit. There's never
enough of the thing you're obsessed

Which is why I turned to fan fiction.

Maybe next season they'll have more
stuff for me to do.

What? I was thinking maybe we could go
back on the minor characters.

Maybe even kill them all. I want couple
kissing.

Action!

Fuck! Okay, that's rough.

I'm the guy you have to get rid of
before your big adventure.

You should get to live your dream too.

I think that we should break up.

Oh, look.

It's my very recently ex -girlfriend,
Ella.

You know, I'm glad we're having this
very friendly and very mature breakup so

that we can still hang out.

I'm not here for you. I'm here to pick
up my bath candles.

I hope your bath doesn't extinguish the
flame of our friendship.

What?

No laughs. Hang on.

My pocket sound effects machine is
stuck.

It's just not working.

Kind of like your relationship.

Too soon.

Too soon.

Waking up at 6 a .m. clouds my judgment.

I gotta get to work.

I think I got everything, but... If I
find anything you left behind, I do know

where you live.

Next door.

Did you want to stay and hang for a bit?
I could make it breakfast.

I just took the day off from work.

Pass.

I don't do sad IRL. I'm not sad.

I'm not sad.

I am exactly where I need to be right
now.

I choose me.

I am my own goddess.

I am the author of my own story.

Did you join a self -improvement cult?

No.

Tim and I broke up.

Oh? It was a mutual thing.

And I have decided to use this
opportunity to refocus my priorities.

Find out who I truly am. Doesn't sound
culty at all.

So, uh, you and Tim called it quits?
Huh?

Well, can't say I'm surprised.

Oh.

Okay.

Is this... Are you being weird because
we kissed on Friday?

Because if you think there might be,
like, feelings floating around... Oh,

whoa, whoa.

Let me just stop you there before you
embarrass yourself.

That kiss was purely for professional
purposes. We do not need to talk about

All right, good.

Because I am perfectly content to be
single. Nay, happy.

Happy and completely cult -free. That's
what they all say.

Oh, the new script just got emailed to
us, if you want to read it. Yeah.

Oh, no.

Oh, the heir of Salem.

What's this?

Yeah, Jasmine.

It's the little ogre's dagger. You have
the blood of... No.

Jasmine.

Don't die!

Sad. I'm not that sad. What kind of
loser gets sad over a breakup?

Not this loser.

I'm not doing sad.

I

don't

know how to be alone.

You won't be for long.

You just haven't cast your spin -off
yet.

My what?

How do you still have so much to learn
about TV?

You don't think talking to the writers
would do any good? You're an executive

producer.

Only in title.

Babe, trust me, if I had any sway, a lot
of things would be different around

here. I just keep wondering, if I did
something, was I not good enough? Was I

too nice?

Sometimes I worry I overdo it on the big
place.

No, that matters now.

We still have one more day before
Jasmine's...

Brutal, brutal death, so... How about
I... I'll take your mind off tomorrow.

Forgotten by time.

Forgotten by love.

Forgotten by hope.

One man continues to fight against the
shadows.

That man is Dark Tim.

No! Don't take your glasses off! What's
wrong with taking my glasses off?

And why do I have to be dark Tim? I'm
just him. You can't be just him.

Just Tim works in a boring office and
not only never gets the girl, he never

gets to go on a riveting journey of self
-discovery.

No one would watch that show.

Oh. If you don't want to do a dark
spinoff, that's totally fine.

It's just on my mind since Father
Warren's Divine Justice spinoff is

soon.

But we're here to figure out your
spinoff. Right. So if you don't want to

dark and you don't want to go sitcom, do
you know what you would want?

How's, uh, Sasha taking it?

She says her agent already has a bunch
of new auditions signed up for her. I

think she'll be fine.

Not everyone breaks down at every little
speed bump, FYI.

Sorry.

Got distracted because I made eye
contact with this picture of Tim.

Tim, breakups. Got it the first time.
Did you need to go home to deal with

uh, inevitable post -breakup breakdown?

What? No.

I'm fine.

I mean, I did just end the longest
relationship I've ever been in, and it

be a little difficult now, which is why
I need to stay and do my job. Though

it's also entirely possible that I just
hold people back in life and I'm no use

to anyone, but no, clearly I'm fine and
do not need to go home.

Oh, God, I hate you for making me do
this. All right, I'm only going to say

once. You're good at your job.

You're not some terrible, useless
person.

You are fine.

Thank you.

Listen to me.

You are your own goddess.

I know.

I probably would have told them they're
lying.

Cause maybe in a small degree, a drop of
water in the sea, the most men in

school. Part of me might be changing
tunes, but only a tiny bit. The pebble

dropped down in a pit. It's not worth
worrying about if it's even true.

But all that being said, I think I kind
of, sort of, maybe like you.

When I saw you walking up, I would try
to make you think I was busy.

But now I keep an eye up just in case
you might need my help. All this

in your brain could make you dizzy.

If someone had said that I feel this
way, I probably would have told them

they're lying.

But maybe in a small degree, a drop of
water.

Might be changing tunes, but only a tiny
bit.

The pebbles drop down in a pit. It's not
worth worrying about if it's even true.

But all that being said, I think I kind
of sort of maybe like you.

Yeah, but all that being said, I think I
kind of sort of...

What? Nothing.

What do you want?

I'm going home for the day.

See you tomorrow.

No, really, dude?

Leave them on.

Accessibly hot is your thing. You don't
want to ruin it. Does taking my glasses

off ruin the accessibility or the
hotness? The thrilling world of

architecture could totally be a show.

It's more of a life plan than a show.

Are you really going to stay at iShipit
for another year? It's good money, which

I need for grad school.

And it's not that bad now that I have a
plan to leave.

Whatever you say, architect Tim.

Hey.

I wanted to apologize for bringing my
personal problems to work yesterday.

Date me.

Uh, what? Go on a date with me.

Would I have to hit it off?

Yay? Or we'll just lay to rest this
whole we -kiss -don't -know -what thing

never speak about it again?

No.

What's gotten into you?

I hear you'll know.

I respect it. And I will only ask one
more time.

Later. When I've come up with a better
pitch.

Come on. They want us on set.

Hey, Tim.

You want in on this sweet game of stacky
blocks? Johnny Appleseed, you're late.

We got a 911 on the shipment for Duck,
Duck, Duck.

Dang it. Susan, I told you that choice
would lead us into a world of pain. They

need you. I quit.

Hilarious. I have a great sense of
humor, so that's very funny, but get

No.

I'm done being just him.

Yes!

Oh,

sorry.

Everyone dies and fine Looks like now is
my time But it's alright,

I'm ready To be walking steady Though a
little sooner than I'd like

Everyone dies, but even so This isn't
how I

would choose to go There was so much
more

okay who needs a happy ending anyway you
show them the performance of your

life and still they turn around and
twist the knife but you'll be expected

say bye and smile wondering

Attention!

Everyone dies!

Everyone dies.

It's a fact.

Though I wish my heart was still intact.

I leave with my dignity.

It's now or never.

She's fine.

I never trust people who seem that fine.

Except you, of course. You were totally,
definitely fine. I can't date you if I

hate you.

You don't hate me.

Fight this, brother.

You're stronger than the demon
possessing you. You've no idea the

coming.

You're all fools.

What have you done?

It's Reese.

Cut!

Can we do another take? I just feel like
I can do that collapse better. No, you

were great, sweetie.

That's a wrap on Jasmine. Moving on!

It's been such an honor working with
you, Sasha.

Aw, thanks.

You too, Nick.

You did so good

in that scene.

I couldn't see you because I was on...
Hey, look, we should chat.

You've seen how crazy the hours get on
this set, and now with this whole new

storyline, it's just so hard to date
people who aren't, like, right here.

You know?

Well, I am right here.

Right.

The second, but... You know how that
life is.

You're stuck with the same people every
day, you get lonely, you end up having

these spur -of -the -moment rendezvous.

I just don't want you to get hurt.

You, like, totally deserve better.

Both had so much fun, right?

You were a great scene partner.

Ella, can you go to channel two?

Luke, I already told you, I am perfectly
content with my newly single life, so

just leave me alone to deep -hoppy -seed
these everything bagels from Marina.

Sasha's locked herself in her dressing
room. She won't leave.

Of course.

Why did I think that she was fine?

Stupid Ella.

I did tell you so.

All I know is Kayla dumped Sasha after
her scene and now Marina's calling

security if they're not out in 20.

Don't worry about Marina's bagels. Worry
about your friend.

She needs you.

I was trying to pack up my things, and I
didn't realize there was still fake

blood on my hands. So I got it all over
now.

Everything's ruined, just like my
alliance.

Whoa, OK.

That's a lot.

Why don't we sit down and talk?

If they want to bring Jordan back, are
they going to do that? If the actress is

some irresponsible psychopath who smears
fake blood everywhere, obviously.

Oh, OK.

I heard about Kayla.

I thought she liked me.

I don't know what I did wrong.

Well, sometimes breakups aren't about
someone doing something wrong.

Think of it as an opportunity to be
single. Have fun. Find yourself.

But what if there are different versions
of yourself?

And some of them you can only find with
other people. And also, what if those

versions are better?

All I know is that this version of me
clearly isn't the right one.

There will be other shows to die on.

And other girls to cry about.

But you're never going to find them if
you stay in this blood -stained crack

forever.

Oh. We'll go with your friend?

She'll be fine.

Oh.

Bagels are devoid of poppy seeds at
last.

You do that, I delegate it to a lesser
peon.

C 'est moi.

Thank you.

Hey, when you asked if I was being weird
because we kissed,

I lied.

Saxon may be bewitched by Therese, but I

have also been bewitched by you.

What was that?

It just seemed like the kind of line you
want a guy to say.

Right.

Great. Car's on the table.

You say no to me right now. I will never
ask you again. And it will be your

great loss. And frankly, I'll pity you
for the experience you denied yourself.

But I just really think you should go
out with me.

Because you want to.

And I want to.

So, say yes.

Yes.

Great.

See you on our date.

We're there.

Hey. Guess what?

I quit my job.

Wow.

That's incredible, Tim. I was going to
wait and save up for grad school, but I

walked in and I just knew I was done.

So I quit.

Congratulations.

We should go out and celebrate. You
know, mature and friendly breakup

How about this weekend?

Yeah.

In the interest of being mature and
honest, I should tell you that I

have a date this weekend.

A date?

Wow, that's, um... Oh, no.

Dark Tim.

Well, I want you to live your life,
Ella, and I'm glad that you can be

But I don't think I can be friendly not
yet Not with you