Original subtitles

Hey, Noah, if you were in somebody else's body and you saw yourself in the

mirror, what would you say?

Why is this happening to me? That is good. I'll use it. No, no, no, no. I

why is this happening to me? Oh, I'm writing my movie. Dude, get out of my

It's one of those body -switching movies, except more awestruck with a

Maybe you should put that in your title.

Good thinking.

Dude, that's my body. You want to borrow it?

Awestruck. That title might be a little long.

Those movies are so fake. Like, that could ever happen.

It kind of already did. Remember last week when everyone was acting like

everyone else?

You're right.

It started when you got invited to the Nightfall in Toledo red carpet.

Whoa. I'm going to have to rewrite the entire first act.

We'll be right back.

So, Michael, you'll be going to the nightfall in Toledo Red Carpet. Ah, the

rigors of celeb journalism.

We start with questions about their shoes or their hair.

And, Noah, you'll be interviewing rapper Beanie Jones.

Ah, another article about some moody musician talking about his brilliance.

All right, you two, play nice. Anything else, journos?

I have an idea.

That's great, Amanda.

Contributing.

I'm going to write about how smart kids aren't always nerds with broken glasses

puffing on their inhalers.

Some are popular and good at sports.

I like it. It's pretty hard hitting. But that's a school issue.

Why are you interested in it? I even have an interview subject.

And so may he.

He's an A student, plus he's on the basketball and hockey team.

And he's cute. And there's your answer.

Is there any way this can turn out good for me? I wish I could think of a lie to

tell you.

Why don't you ask him who he's wearing? You're good at that.

Maybe I'll be sarcastic and hilarious.

That's it. My office now.

The rest of you who are contributing may go.

I have had enough of you two being snippy about each other's beats.

You're right. We should be separated.

I'll take your office. You wish, kiddo. You guys will be trading beats the next

issue. Noah, you'll be covering entertainment. Michael is on music.

Easy. I think the challenge bar is set a little low. Oh, I guarantee that after

a couple of days, you guys will be begging to switch back.

Noah, here are your red carpet credentials.

Michael, can you please tell Noah how to prepare for red carpet?

Well, as a professional who's conducted many award -winning interviews, all you

need? The red shades.

Really? Same here.

Do you seriously wear these? The flats make my eyes sparkle.

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever... Oh, I can feel my eyes sparkle

already.

Oh, so this is what sarcasm looks like.

I can feel the fabulous building within me.

Whoa, watch yourself. I'm in a very sensitive place right now.

I'm kind of worried about Amanda's interview with Hanson McGee. That does

like a problem. For you.

I need someone to tell me to do the right thing.

You came to the right man.

You need to leave your sensitive place and move to a superficial place.

Do whatever it takes to sabotage the situation.

Whatever it takes.

It doesn't sound like me.

Or you.

So mean.

So Amanda.

Boo hoo and who are you kidding?

Do you want the girl or not?

I do, I do. OMG, your plan is perfect.

Hello, handsome Iggy. It's Wilder. Can you meet me at the blurb?

Yeah, that's three.

Hey, Rebecca. What are you doing?

I'm just checking all the spelling mistakes in this book.

Sure you are. Listen, I wanted to come by and talk to you about your multiple

choice media studies test.

Yes, you have my permission to frame it.

Not exactly what I had in mind.

I think you should sit down.

I'm okay.

Well, the news isn't good. I graded it and you got an F.

You say an F?

Like F as in fantastic?

Fantastic would not be my first word choice.

But I've never failed anything.

Well, once I failed to realize Noah was telling me I needed a breath mint, but

nothing important.

Well, there's a first time for everything.

You think you're going to be okay?

I guess.

I can just cheer myself up by checking my spelling mistakes.

Is received I before E or E before I?

Hey, balloon.

Beanie, your style is unorthodox for the hip -hop world. What's that about?

My style's an amalgam of influences.

Duke Ellington, Tokyo, giraffes.

Oh, giraffes. I really picked up more of an alpaca vibe.

Eclectic. Word. This album's mostly crunk versions of Broadway show tunes.

Oh, that was on purpose?

Oh, I thought it was a problem with my download.

Why you got to get down on my game floor? Okay, okay, I'll be serious.

When you dress, do you always try to match the room you're in?

Why's it always got to be about the flippancy of my textiles?

Look, I'm not here to be mocked.

Peace.

I think your hat looks super.

My hat is super. That's why I call it super hat.

Wow.

and sarcastic.

Wow, it's fun being fantastic.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to ask DJ if I'm allowed to expense a new hat.

Noah Brent Jackson is on fire!

And that fire is fueled by his ego.

Why am I so gorgeous? Why am I so sweet?

Genetics!

Handsome McGee, thanks for coming. Just doing a little pre -interview work for

Amanda. Interview doer had the day off. Pre -interview?

Like, I'm serious.

Just making sure you guys are on the same page.

Seems kind of random. A brainiac like you being interviewed by Amanda?

Okay, I'll admit.

I only agreed to the interview because Amanda's hot.

You're handsome.

You can afford to be a little shallow.

Thanks. Us hotties gotta stick together.

LOL!

Besides the date, what are you expecting from this interview?

A good time.

I'm so tired of academics.

But that's what I like about Amanda.

She's fun. Let me make sure I remember this.

Fun, good times, Amanda.

Great! I'll see you at the post -interview.

TTYL!

Amanda!

Yay! I'm so glad I caught you. Tough break. I just ran into Hansel McGee.

Turns out he wants a hard -hitting interview.

But I just wanted to talk fashion and have fun.

Boring. I said hard -hitting.

You're really going to have to be super prepared.

You mean like use one of those tape -recording things Rebecca uses?

Couldn't hurt.

Well, preparation is the key to success.

That's what Step Grammy always tells me. And has that woman ever been wrong?

No. You're going to have to throw away everything you've ever done and start

over again.

Or you'll fail.

Miserably.

Oh, dear.

Rebecca!

You're looking a little casual today.

I just put on whatever I found in the hamper.

You can't let this one test get you down.

But Fs aren't really in the Rebecca zone.

Were you tired that day?

No. Did you have a fight with Noah the night before?

No. Then what happened?

I don't know.

It's like aliens took over my body.

Do you think that might be it?

That's how I would invade if I was an alien.

Take over a human body.

Like these guys.

They better put the dome on lock in case they come back.

I'm going to need some tinfoil.

Oh, here.

Ostrak. Thanks, Mr. S.

Dude, what happened to you?

Being sarcastic isn't always well received. I won't say too much, but it

involved a wisecrack, a garbage can, and a touchy musician.

This beat is tough.

Just ask Noah to misty flip.

Am I supposed to know what that means?

Change back.

Wow. I never thought of that. Thanks, helper.

Which picture do you think I should use for my Glee book profile?

Me and Kelly? Or me and Sinead?

How about one with someone you actually know? Who, you?

Stop trying to intrude on my magic. By the way, have you seen my hat? Amazing.

Amazing. Yeah, that's exactly the word I would have used.

Hey, guys.

Noah, I have great news. You're going to be interviewing Hilary Duff.

Whoa! Hillary, she's my favorite interview.

Too bad, number two in line.

It's my beat now.

Perfect.

She's a huge star. You have to switch back with me now.

Sorry, stardom suits me. Or at least being close to stardom does.

Can you still see my eyes sparkle?

Yeah, sparkling with evil.

Dude needs to chill.

He ground you bad.

You play for the basketball and hockey teams, right? I sure do. I love

basketball. And both are winter sports?

Well, yeah.

So how do you attend all the games and practices plus school?

Oh, it's a bit of a scheduling nightmare, but I can handle it.

Let me ask you point blank.

Do you have an under -the -table deal that allows you to skip classes in order

to play sports?

How high does this go? The coach? The principal?

The mayor?

Deal? The mayor?

I played sports in high school. There's no deal. What are you talking about?

Hmm. A cover -up. Interesting.

Look, there's no cover -up.

It's just me with a busy schedule trying to find time to squeeze in a little

fun. And how do you propose to do that? Well, I was thinking maybe you and I

could go out without the interrogation.

I mean, yes, please.

Cool. I'll text you.

Got to roll.

Of course, but I'll be watching you.

OMG, Amanda, that was great!

Hard -hitting, just like he wanted.

Well, I thought I might have put on a bit too hard, but he did ask me out.

Here's the thing, though. If you really want a brainiac like handsome McGee to

fall for you, you're gonna have to nerd it up.

Nerd it up? He said that?

Totes! I wouldn't just make stuff up.

He was all like, turn her nerd meter up to 11.

Well, I'll turn it up to 12!

Hello? Big Wilder's assistant?

Oh, hey, Dad.

He's a really good assistant.

Noah, we've got to talk.

Hi. What now?

I want us to switch back to original beat.

Oh, really?

Let me call someone who cares.

Oh, wait, it went straight to voicemail. Oh, hi, mythical person.

Come on, my interview was a disaster.

DJ was right.

Your beat is hard. Let's switch back.

Ah, except I haven't admitted your beat is hard. It takes two to tango. Now, if

you'll excuse me, I'm going to the ball to refresh my style.

Jackson, how do you do it?

How does he do it?

I'll show him how he doesn't do it by doing the thing that doesn't need to be

done.

No surrender, Mouse Invader. Rebecca, I just... Video games?

I'm surprised to see you doing that. And with such vigor.

I've decided it's my true calling.

I just wish I was better at it. Come on. You've had a long history of scholastic

success. Quiz games, presentations.

That's what's important.

More important than fighting robot mice?

Without my laser defense, they'll overrun the kitchen.

Then the country.

Then the world.

Is that what you want, Mr. S?

Well, no, nobody wants that, Rebecca. I just mean that you're not focused on the

right prize, school.

I'm just not cut out for it.

This test has opened my eyes.

I decided to quit Buzz and go out on the semi -pro gaming circuit.

I'm not sure that's such a good idea.

First, you're a great student.

Second, you're a great journalist. And third, kind of terrible at the video

games. It all adds up.

Anyway, I have to go meet DJ.

No problem, mistress.

I've got some things I've got to take care of, too.

Dear DJ, I quit.

Me and my failing ways.

Love, Baxter.

My favorite movie?

I guess I could go with All Quiet on the Western Front or Citizen Kane.

But I'm going to have to say Digital Samurai 3.

Really? I prefer documentaries. That way I can learn and enjoy myself.

How can you not like Robot Samurai fighting for justice?

It has everything a movie needs.

Robot Samurai fighting and justice.

I prefer my justice the old -fashioned way, doled out by the judicial system.

We may have different definitions of enjoyment.

What are you into?

Have you ever played news anchor? You know, when you turn the sound off on the

TV and pretend you're delivering the news?

No. I tend to do things that involve, you know, fun. But it is fun. Here,

pretend there's a TV with the news on.

In today's news, the documentary was number one at the box office.

I mean, I wouldn't do it if it was a serious news story, but a water -skiing

dog?

See?

I kind of do.

In breaking news, Boyleaf's worst date.

I'll see ya.

Sometimes I get mad at clothes, too.

Mostly for having food stains on them.

Right. That's probably my fault.

Let's focus on what's important here. Me. I have to choose an outfit for

tonight. Let me get into my helping stance.

Right.

Now... Should I go with leather -tied cool or stylish fashionista? The

more stain -resistant.

I don't care. I'm looking to impress Amanda, not your baba.

Good point.

The mauve, then.

FYI, this isn't mauve. It's marvelous!

BTW, if this doesn't work, I'm blaming you.

I was just trying to help.

Remember?

That's fascinating.

You know, if I was a world -famous singer such as yourself, I'd have my own

of microphones.

Who is that?

When you're on the road, do you get at Nickleby's? I love their apple pie. That

better not be Wynn Butler from Arcade Fire.

Do you trim your own bangs, or do you get a barber to do it? Why would you ask

that? When you eat cereal, do you pour milk first, then cereal, or the other

around? That's not a good question. Give me the phone.

Now on to a hot topic issue.

Squirrels on a scale of 1 to 10.

Interesting.

Can I speak to the guy driving your bus?

No!

Let me talk to him. I have real questions. This interview is mine. Fine.

to switch back. So do I.

Is that begging, I hear?

DJ wins.

Again.

Thanks, Mom. I'll see you later.

You, Mr. F, look crap -a -lacking.

Not much.

Still playing, huh? I gotta make sure I have the skill to pay the bill.

It really kills me to see you like this.

Turning your back on such a promising future. It was just one test.

I know. The funny thing is, when I wrote it, I thought I only got four answers

wrong.

That is a strange coincidence.

Just give me a second here.

Okay.

Your test, the grading grid.

Rebecca, put down the controller.

One rule.

What is it?

First of all, I'm really, really, really, really sorry. It looks like I

accidentally slid the grid over one column while I was grading your test.

So all of your answers that were right appeared wrong.

You mean I have more career options than Video Game Champ?

Yes! Although I believed that before, too.

Phew. This reminds me of the confusion surrounding the Enigma code in World War

II. Which was the answer to question 16?

Whoa, no need to rewrite the text.

I know, but knowledge for knowledge is that it can be fun, too.

That a girl.

Hey -o.

Hey. Are you wearing a figurine suit?

Oh, this old thing?

Just part of my fall wardrobe.

BTW, what happened with Hansel McGee?

He's gone. It was a disaster.

I tried to nerd it up like you said, but he wasn't into me. Ew, what a fool.

Forget him.

But I tried so hard.

Do you know how difficult it is to make this look like a nerd?

Obvi, a real guy would appreciate that effort. There's tons of guys who would

love to go out with you.

I know, but it's sweet of you to say anyway.

Yeah, you can't waste your time with someone who says stuff like, put the

nerdiness into fifth gear.

I thought he said turn the nerd meter up to 11.

Uh, yeah, 11. I meant 11.

I always get those numbers mixed up. The point is, I'm right. You don't belong

with Hanson McGee, and I always get what I want.

Ew!

I can't believe you got me to act like a nerd so Hanson McGee wouldn't like me!

Amanda Pierce is back. You're not the only one who can play with people's

emotions. Yes, I am.

Hanson McGee, are you still at the bus stop?

Good. Because one thing was missing from our date.

The goodnight kiss.

I

think

we can agree that we all learned a very valuable lesson today.

It beat it hard.

And?

And?

I'm drawing a blank here.

And I was right.

Of course.

A valuable lesson, DJ.

Now can I please have back the red carpet credentials?

Gladly. They weren't really for me anyway.

Or them.

It turns out a lot of celebs were put off by your jokes.

And you, the music industry, have asked me to take back your mp3 player.

I'm glad that I could teach you guys a lesson.

I guess we can agree that of the two beat, mine is harder.

Take it back! Take it!

I have not been myself of late.

Gotta find a way to get myself back to the Wilder Zone.

Oh, I know!

Baby, I'm back!

I liked kissing you too, Hansumegi!

Happy now?

My first kiss, gone.

Fused up on Hansumegi's lips. Those warm, tender lips.

Like two chips of peanut brittle, fresh out of the oven, covered in satin.

You didn't kiss him. I did.

Even though I wasn't myself, I know you.

And you wouldn't have your first kiss like that.

You're right.

You're never right.

It is a fun change of pace.

Two plus two is four. Woo!

Wild man's on a roll.

I guess you get your just reward then.

Ah! Watch where you're sticking your nose, mister.

That was the worst first kiss ever.

we were acting like, but it was very unattractive. Ah.

Got you a kiwi smoothie.

I hope it's the fruit, not the bird.

Someone's got their sense of humor back, and it matches your outfit that you

slept in.

Whoa. Speaking of which... Baxter, I love that hoodie.

Really? You can keep it.

Doesn't really feel like me anyway.

Sunglasses exchange.

Finally.

Here.

Feels like the tighties hold me back.

Who knew I could look even better today?

Seriously, can you not see my eyes sparkling?

If it means I can get out of this conversation, then yes.

Last week was weird.

Sure was.

Good thing, too.

I smell a movie deal.

I know one thing for sure. I never want to stand on a red carpet again.

That's lucky, since you're banned.

From now on, I hope we always stay the same.

I can't believe that you got chocolate on the inside of your wallet. Well,

you're not exactly off the chain yourself.

People still say that.

Aha! The sequel!