Original subtitles

Oh, I'm parched. Can I scan a sip?

Guess so.

Why don't you just keep it?

Sweet.

What you doing?

Does it look like I'm doing?

Designing escape pods for when aliens attack?

No, I'm writing my article.

Oh, I may be the only person left after the alien invasion.

What's your article about?

Pet peeves. You name your dog Peeves?

It's not about a pet named Peeves. It's about pet peeves. You know, minor

annoyances that bother people.

So, you hate your new dog.

I don't have a new dog.

Then what's your article about?

Pet peeves. Little things that people find annoying. Like when someone lies

about having a new dog.

I can't wait to get out and hang out with my friends, find out what's new,

subscribe to OnHoo, and who's that from a shoe.

It's a whole new week with my pages of my magazine.

I'm going to be the greatest story I've ever written. Is it called How to Stay

Humble?

I'm celebrity pet peeves.

Just needs a little oomph. I want to add a couple pet peeves that people have

about me.

A personal touch. Great idea.

So hit me with your best shot.

Oh, no. What do I have? Fucker written on my forehead?

No, not anymore.

Never fall asleep in class next to Noah and a marker.

Come on, just the couple to get me started.

No, you're going to get mad.

I promise I won't.

Okay, but you promised.

Sometimes, and it's not that bad, you chew your pen and it gets a wee bit

slobbery.

Okay, sure, great.

Anything else?

I don't like it when you name drop.

Oh, really?

That's funny because Mike Myers didn't mention it to me or Queen Latifah when

had coffee at Ashton's new restaurant.

Well then, my mistake.

You can't do this! It's not fair!

Amanda, is everything okay?

I'm having an early life crisis.

So I might need the day off to reflect on my emotions.

Is this still about the shoes not matching the purse incident?

We're... Daddy's taking...

too old for a pony, so he's giving Biscuit away to a petting zoo.

So we'll never get to see him again ever, ever. Okay, honey, I know this is

for you, but do you think you might be overreacting just a bit?

Oh, sure.

What if it was you who was losing her pony?

Well, after I got over the shock that I had a pony, I guess I would find time to

spend with her while I could.

Great. So can I go home?

Fine. Giddy up home.

Don't worry, little biscuit.

Mommy's on her way.

This is going to be amazing.

Now all I need is a pickle, some parsley,

and the perfect mountain of ketchup.

Now that's what I call... The perfect grilled cheese sandwich.

Can I steal a piece?

Sure, why don't you, right in front of me, steal a piece of the meal I took

painstaking measures to get just right for me to eat. Sweet.

Thanks, bub.

Am I the only guy who gets sarcasm?

Not that you didn't do a fabulous job pointing out my flaws yesterday.

I still need one more pet peeve, so I have three for my article.

You know, I'm really happy you keep me in open mind about this.

As I get older, I get more charming and get more mature.

All right, well, um, there's this weird humming noise you do when you're trying

to concentrate, and it's so annoying.

Super.

Good to know. Thanks.

Oh, that reminds me. You say... You burp a lot. Oh, and then there's that weird

pant shuffling thing you do when you walk.

Pant shuffling?

Ever heard of breaking in a new pair of cords?

I was just giving you pet peeves like you asked.

I only asked for one more.

Just so you don't feel left out, why don't I do one for you?

Bring it on.

I can take it.

I don't like how you're always correcting my grammar. I mean, what do

to be the grammar police for?

So people don't end their sentences in prepositions. Ooh, nice catch.

Oh, come on, Michael. I was kidding.

It's another pet peeve. You're always making stupid jokes.

I think it's time you realize that you're just not that funny.

I'm not funny.

I'm a funny horse.

You hear that?

The unmistakable sound that greets all your jokes.

on macaroni?

Why did I let Wilder build the world's largest edible half -pipe?

Good boy.

If there's a pony in the world who's better at hiding, I haven't met him yet.

Now, let's get you into the storage closet.

I get this handle fixed. There is no way it should take me this long to get out

of my office.

Maybe if I cut down on our pasta budget, we'd have some petty cash available for

repair now.

Too close.

Sneaking a pony into work shouldn't be this hard.

Although, hiding it from DJ probably shouldn't be this easy.

Now, I have to get to school. Now, you stay in the storage closet and listen if

anyone says mean things about me when I'm gone.

When I get back, I'll braid your mane.

Michael's being unreasonable.

He asked me to give him some pep tea. He begged me. He promised he wouldn't get

mad. Then what happened?

He got mad.

You know what bugs me?

Wilder. He's always taking my food.

My other pep tea is people who don't listen.

It wouldn't be so bad. It's just everything's a scam.

Can I scam a piece? Can I... Scam some chips? Can I scam some ham?

What scam? You're just taking a bite. That's the worst scam I've ever heard.

Is this a language problem for you? Yes.

Why don't you tell Wilder that he can't have any of your food?

Too easy. I've got a plan.

These fries are drenched in vinegar. Wilder hates vinegar and all -face

puckering food.

Checkmate.

Oh, can I scam a fry?

Sure, as long as you're cool with vinegar.

Oh, no, I hate vinegar.

Oh, that's too bad.

Looks like you won't like these fries.

Don't worry. For you, I'll make an exception.

Not bad.

And the worst part is, I hate vinegar.

Daddy's assistant, I'll need two more barrels of hay and two dozen carrots.

And don't let Daddy see you sneaking them out.

This is why little Biscuit always had his own stable.

Always have to be first out of the elevator.

Gag, what is that smell?

Oh, Wilder. It wasn't me this time. This is too much even for you.

Actually, it's me.

It's my new ode to toilette.

They went kind of literal with this one.

What's with the oats on your desk?

Um, it's my new diet. It's called eating like a horse.

Nice. Can I get an oat?

This is too much. We need to open up a window. Strike that. We need to knock

down some walls.

Don't worry. I have one last can of stink away in the closet left over from

Tortilla Tuesday.

The closet?

You don't even know where it is.

I insist.

After all, I'm the one who snuck up the office.

On the shelf. Right beside the... I

didn't

know about the humming thing. I'll try to stop.

And I don't really mind the name dropping.

I just read it because I wanted to help with the article.

I know. Don't worry. It's fine.

Friends again?

Absolutely. You and me are going to be friends forever.

Actually, it's B. You and I are going to be friends forever.

Ooh, nice catch.

Better yet, friends for never. You just had to correct my grammar.

You didn't seem to mind when I proofed your entrance essay, and thank goodness

for that.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, let's face it. You wouldn't have been accepted without my help.

That's not a pet peeve. That's more of a heart -wrenching, soul -destroying,

self -esteem -ripping observation.

Whoa.

I had the horsey dream again, just like when I was five.

Oh, horsey. That sounds scary, but also like something you shouldn't worry

about.

Or talk about.

Big horsey lips, horsey ears, and the glippity -glop glipping up. Shh.

It's all over now.

Amanda, I have bad news.

Petting someone's face isn't soothing.

Your dad called, and your pony's disappeared.

OMG, that is super, super shocking.

Wow. I have a dream about a pony and your pony goes missing?

Spooky. Amanda, this isn't serious. The police have been involved.

Can someone pet my face?

Anything to soothe a broken heart.

Michael, I...

to apologize.

I feel like the bad witch in Good Witch Bad Witch when she loses all of her

friends. Michael, I'm sorry.

It just slipped out.

Slipped out?

You know what slips out? Me saying, your breath stinks, but that shirt's ugly.

You know what doesn't slip out?

Me saying, there's a part of me that didn't want you to get into buzz.

Oops. I'm sorry. I guess stuff like that does slip out.

Wow.

I'm...

I'm sorry, Rebecca. I didn't mean it.

Yes, you did.

Because I felt the same way about you.

Fantastic. That'd be really fantastic.

You doing a jazz run out of here because I want you gone. And a jazz run because

I want to be entertained.

Oh, I'll be gone. But I won't be jazz running. I'll be marching.

I love burritos. I love burritos. I love them in the morning. I love them in the

night.

Wild man.

Looks like you put a lot of work into that.

Can I scam a bite?

For sure. Anytime.

What do you think, dude?

Wow. That is garlicky.

Yeah, garlic's the first ingredient.

And the second.

Mmm. Yeah.

Can I have another bite?

For sure, hombre.

You like the salsa, huh? I make it myself out of pepper and marmalade.

That's really good.

One more bite.

My burrito is your burrito.

It's so spicy.

So spicy.

Oh, can I scan a breath mint?

Speaking of horses, I have bad news. The police have uncovered an illegal pony

smuggling ring.

Is that worse than a legal pony smuggling ring?

Way worse. Your dad is funding the rescue operation.

He's calling it Operation Find That Pony.

Wouldn't it be better to let the criminals learn their lesson by having

with a stubborn pet pony?

You really don't get how policing works, do you?

That was me.

I'm super allergic to everything.

Ability to sneeze like a human?

DJ, is there any way you could be a super great boss and picking up some

pills at the store? Oh, I have some in my office.

I have a particular kind.

Oh, right.

Truffled flavored?

Little biscuit?

I should have called you Big Biscuit.

it's called the internet is really interesting because... Does it have

to do with the fact that Michael's always licking his fingers before he

the page?

Or related to Rebecca not knowing how to wink? Or she won't stop talking about

Jeff Morneau no matter how many times you roll your eyes? Hey, guys, do you

think it might be possible for me to finish the lesson?

Not if I didn't have a lot of page turning.

Or winking.

As I was saying, the internet is really interesting.

You like that? You know what I'd like, Michael?

If you paid attention.

Am I doing this right?

Enough!

That's it.

You two, detention tonight.

Oh, dear.

No sign of Walder.

No smell of Walder.

Perfect.

Dude, can I steal a pretzel? Whoa, where'd you come from?

Well, I started out at home.

Then after breakfast, I hopped into the bus. You should know you were there.

Then I went to several classes where I learned a few things between daydreams.

Then I saw you down this hall about to eat a pretzel, and then I saw... Wilder,

enough! Okay, but can I scam a pretzel?

No. If you want a pretzel, just ask. Don't scam, don't snag, don't weasel.

ask. I can manage that.

You should have said something way earlier.

Well, I kind of did, in a nonverbal kind of way.

Sorry, dude.

Look, it's fine, just...

I have to, you know, ask.

That's it? That's it.

Noah, dear friend, gentleman, and all -around hero, might I trouble you for a

pretzel?

There. Is that so hard?

Not really.

Still bugs me.

Amanda, great news on the pony situation.

He might not have been stolen.

He's part Ukrainian stepping horse, you know. Maybe he went back to Ukraine.

No. The music industry is getting behind this. Shania Twain, Michael Bublé, and

Stompin' Tom have volunteered to record a song called Come Home Little Biscuit.

I can't do this anymore.

I've been hiding him. I had no choice. My dad was going to take him away.

Did I say?

Except that I knew this whole time.

You knew?

Well, the whole office smelled like hanging dung. If my brain didn't figure

out, my nose sure would have.

So, Operation Find That Pony and Come Home Little Biscuit Song?

I made them up.

Do you honestly think that we could have got those amazing artists to record a

song about your pony?

They're wonderful people, but they have bigger causes to worry about.

Amanda. This whole episode was incredibly, incredibly immature.

I know.

Which, bizarrely, has led your father to believe that you're immature enough to

still have the pony.

I totally am!

Okay, but he can't stay here.

Back to the stables for Mr. Biscuit. Little Biscuit.

Disappearing Biscuit. Shoot.

detention's like.

I feel shame and it hasn't even started yet.

What do you think Mr. Shepard called?

I don't know.

Maybe some kind of detention specialist trained in making bad kids good.

Or Dr. Phil.

Hey!

Dad? Mr. Harper?

Mr. Shepard told me you guys were having a little bad mood -a -thon, so I

dropped my jackhammer and came to help.

Now,

I know you guys think you'll never be friends again, but this isn't the first

time you've fought.

This time's different.

Really?

Remember the time you got so angry at Michael because he drank all that

when you opened up that lemonade stand?

I was your number one customer.

Who didn't pay.

I never even got to use my cash register.

And how about the time you ruined Michael's birthday by baking the cake

yourself? Yeah.

People weren't only big fans of my pineapple and corn upside -down cake.

No matter what the fight, You guys always seem to find a way to patch

So, how do you think we're going to patch things up this time?

I don't know.

It's kind of hard to think with your dad's head hovering three inches from my

face.

Hey, what about the time we caught him playing the harmonica through his nose?

That was for the company picnic.

The same picnic where you wore short sandals and brown socks?

When I said you'd find a way to patch things up, I didn't mean by turning it

me.

Do you want to see me cry? I'm not afraid of crying in front of you.

How could I not want you at Buzz?

Who's more funner than me?

Actually, nobody's funner than you.

No, this whole gaming thing got out of control, so I wrote a no -mooching

contract between us. That sounds impossible.

Oh, it's possible. I just need your signature and it's official.

I never imagined you as the legal type, but sure.

You know, this can really turn over a new leaf for our friendship.

Oh, yeah, please.

Here we go.

Now that's a scam.