Original subtitles

Where is your dad?

People's lives depend on that package.

Don't worry your dome off. My dad's the fastest courier ever.

A little wilder, the big wilder. What's your 80? I mean 20. Where are you? Over.

I've entered buzz and I'm running through the lobby. No running in the

Speed. Walk into the lobby. Over.

We're losing him.

He's in the elevator.

Yes. He's stuck on the second floor. I'll never make it. He's got three, two,

one. Oh.

we didn't make it.

And the big wild man does it again. Yeah, I took the stairs.

There's only two reasons to use an elevator.

One, injury.

Two, delivering an ostrich.

Your special delivery.

Thank you.

Okay, journos, food's up.

Hey, there's no fortune cookies.

Start your watches.

Watching the time pass, can't wait to get out and hang out with my friends.

Find out what's new, who's rising on who, and who's that from what's new.

It's a whole new thing, in the pages of my magazine.

Confucius says your dad rocks, and my lucky numbers are 225 and 48.

Let me guess.

You're stretching an invisible cat.

Oh, I know. You're wondering how my article in the air guitar competition is

going. Bingo.

So? I'm air riding it right now. Oh, backspace, backspace.

And not only that...

I've entered the competition, and I'm in it to win it.

Excellent.

Hey, Noah, how would you like to interview Lance Prescott?

Yeah, right.

I'd rather lick a frozen flagpole, juggle beehives, or swim with piranhas

wearing a bathing suit made of meat.

Let me guess.

I'm interviewing Lance Prescott.

You can do it in a meat bathing suit if that makes you happy.

Typey, typey.

Have you seen... Look out, it's under your chair.

That was close.

I almost sat on it.

Where is it?

OMG. I can't believe this is happening to me. Me neither.

What are we talking about?

This bag.

It's a fashionable figure, Ruchi, with just the right amount of carrying space.

And it matches your outfit. What more could a girl ask for?

Her wallet?

I left it in my Wednesday bag.

The day or night bag?

Neither. The mid -morning -before -lunch bag.

Michael, can I... Michael,

can I borrow $5?

No problem.

Give and thou shalt receive back tenfold.

Thank you, Mikey.

Oh, can you make it $20? I'm a big tipper.

Are you ready for your Lance Prescott interview?

Nope.

No questions?

Noah, you can't go into an interview unprepared. What are you going to do?

I'll improvise.

Improvise? You can't improvise. No, you can't improvise. I can improvise. Hey, I

could improvise if I wanted. Oh, really?

Then go ahead, say something.

The clock starts now. Well, right from the top of my head?

Booga, booga, booga.

Six seconds and all you can come up with is booga -wooga -wooga.

Fine. Maybe I'm not as good at thinking on my feet as you are, but a journalist

should still do some preparation.

Lance Prescott has nothing to say, and how do you prepare for nothing?

By doing nothing.

Everyone has something to say. Trust me, the only opinion this guy has is, rock

on, rock on, rock on, rock on, rock on.

Lance probably has strong opinions about things. He must... have thoughts on

global warming or politics or the state of rock and roll in the digital era.

And if you're doing the talking hand thing, I'd stop.

Or I'll... Or I'll... Yeah, definitely can't improvise.

She can't dance either.

Back and forth the birdie goes.

Where it lands, nobody is sure.

While it runs, while it dives.

Oh, you got me.

And Wilder gets ready to sign autographs for his adoring fan. Yeah, nice game,

little dude.

Two of your finest smoothies, please.

Who gets the bonus cherry?

Rock, paper, scissors.

Oh, yeah.

Never bring a rock to a paper fight, my friend.

Fuck, you always fail me.

First one to get a smoothie headache wins.

I remember my wallet today, and there was a clear sale at the mall.

That had work.

And the best part was, everything was 50 % off.

Great. That means you can pay me back.

What do you think?

Do you like the straight leg or the skinny leg jeans better?

Do the pom -pom socks make my outfit sizzle or fizzle?

Fizzle. Pom -pom socks look a lot better than they taste.

And they're making a great comeback.

Rebecca just bought a pair.

Ew. They're going back.

Better not be any bite marks in them.

Just out of curiosity, how much did they cost?

$19 .99.

Great. With that refund, you can... Buy $20 worth of peachy lip gloss?

I know. You're the best.

Yum.

Okay, Lance, I just have one last question before we wrap up.

Rock on, man.

Rock on!

If you could say one thing to that young Lance Prescott fan out there besides

something that ends in an on, what would it be?

Rock out?

Yeah.

Rock out.

Rock on down to my office. I'd like to go over some final arrangements for your

performance tomorrow.

Rock on.

Rock on.

Rock out.

Rock on.

Can I say it? Please, please, can I? Get out of your system.

I told you so.

I can't believe that guy's real. I mean, what's with all the rock on, rock on,

rock on?

So, Lance, what do you like to do in your spare time?

Rock on.

What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Rock on.

Can you say anything else besides rock on?

Rock on.

Dude, this is the stuff that dreams are made of.

Free bird, not too shabby.

Pretty good wing whammy.

Not even using air guitar pick.

Gotta watch out for her. She looks like she can kick it.

No one kicks it harder than me.

That goes out to my number one fan.

Encore, encore.

My son has hit the big time. Man, that rubber band guitar I made when you were

three sure is paying off now, huh?

Dad, are you here to watch me shred the competition?

I won't just be watching.

I'll be shredding the competition, too.

Wait,

wait, we're competing?

Yeah, it's Wilder versus Wilder. Are you as pumped as I am?

Yeah, totally pumped.

How do you check the time?

Clock on.

What do you put on a blackboard?

Chalk on.

What do you do on a door?

Knock on.

What do you do when your feet are cold?

Sock on.

Here he comes.

I cannot wait to hear you play, and neither can our readers. This place is

to be bumping. Yeah!

People don't do this anymore, do they?

Cool.

I'm going to go get some Chinese.

Walk on.

Oh, I almost forgot.

As per your contract, take a listen. Make sure everything sounds good with

interview before we go to print.

Noah, you left the recorder on.

Here you go.

Rock on.

Do something!

Wait!

Good job, Noah. That was a great interview.

We are on that tape!

That look on your face, what do you call it?

Shock on.

So, Lance, you had your first Nanaimo bar.

Fascinating.

You know what else is fascinating?

Whether or not you listened to the tape yet.

No?

Well, take your time.

Yes, I will rock on. Thank you.

So? He hasn't listened to the tape yet, but he will around five.

Which means all we have to do is get it back before five. Which is not going to

be easy. These things never are.

Here's what we do.

We sneak into his hotel room and grab the tape without him noticing.

Then erase the incriminating evidence and sneak it back to him. It's perfect.

But risky, very risky.

Almost too risky.

Would you pick an emotion and stick with it?

Nervous as it is.

Oh, this will never work.

You couldn't have gone with confidence.

About the principal, $20 may not be a lot of money to a man, but it is to me.

Maybe I should hire a goon to get it back.

First, I'd have to be paid to hire him.

Next.

Big Beans isn't the answer to everything, you know.

Wait, Mikey, coming through.

It is in the ever -fashionable and oh -so -forgetful Miss Pierce.

What was that?

Nothing.

I'll have this, this, this, and this.

Deal -ish.

Would you look at that? I'm clean out of cash.

I have an idea.

Maybe the lunch lady will let you off if you wash a few dishes.

Wash dishes?

That's right, sweet cheeks. Get scrubbing.

Ew.

What are you doing?

Looking up air guitar repair shops?

No, I'm researching local couriers. This current guy is losing his zip.

Oh.

Look, I know how difficult parents can be, Wilder, but you should just talk to

your dad.

Whatever is bothering you, I'm sure he would love to know.

Thanks, DJ.

Woo -hoo! The Wilder Express is always on time!

All right, high five for the dude!

and a big ten for the boss lady. Ka -pow!

Good luck, Dad.

It's a dude, huh? Are you ready to crank up our amps and blow away the

competition?

Um, Dad, I... I want to talk to you about something. It's kind of hard for

say, but it's just, um... Hey, hey, listen.

You don't have to be shy about asking me for help here. I got you covered.

There's your problem, all right? Yeah, your B string's got a slight buzz

the first and second fret there. Oh, thanks.

All right, yeah, that's what I'm here for, man. All right, I'm going to catch

you later at the competition, all right? See you later, little dude.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, there will be no encore.

Big Wilder is leaving the building.

Turn it on!

Put it over there, guys.

Aye, sir, right away, sir.

Hey, are you from Scotland?

Aye, sir, I'm as Scottish as a wee bit of haggis on a foggy night in Edinburgh.

That's the worst Scottish...

The less is smitten with my thick Scottish brogue. I'll blow it out your

bagpipes. Quick, let's find that tape.

She was good.

Definitely made my $20 ticket worth it.

You paid?

Father comps my ticket.

Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you!

That's it! Enough is enough!

Wilder, hang on a second. Let me just... Oh, okay.

That's going to be trouble.

Okay. Lil Davies, come on.

Call somebody, please.

Who's got a cell phone?

He's coming!

Quick, under the bed!

Speak on.

Wait. Noah Jackson, Buzz Magazine.

Rock on. What's up, my man?

Oh, not much. Just, uh, just hiding. Hanging. Hanging out.

How about you?

Just rocking on, man.

I'm going to listen to that tape now.

Later.

Aha! I got you!

Where's the complaint about an out -of -control discipline? I think I found the

problem, sir.

Really, you had to wear the pager.

Forms.

I didn't know employees at Buzz had uniforms.

Perfect. I want my $20.

What? I was going to pay you back.

Really? When?

As a matter of fact... You can't just go borrowing money from people who don't

have as much as you and not pay them back.

Pull that.

What's this?

Pull it.

$200?

Give and thou shalt receive back tenfold.

Amanda, this is way too generous.

I know.

You want $20?

You got it. Now we're even.

Why couldn't they have made it a bigger size?

You okay?

You pulled a pretty mean Hendrix on my air guitar there.

Your routine wasn't cool, Dad.

What?

The critic was calling just like a raw spectacle of pure power just fused into

guitars. Dad, Dad, Dad.

It was cool.

But it wasn't cool -cool.

It's fun competing with you and being on stage with you, but this is the one

time when I just wanted to be in the audience.

Like a dad.

I'm sorry. I got kind of carried away, I guess. But can you blame me?

You're the most awestruck son ever.

Thanks.

We can still hang.

Just not from cables over a stage.

I can be a dad, you know, but I got to warn you, dad's nag.

I can handle nagging. Okay. Well, then stand up straight, right? Quit

Tie those shoes before you trip.

And you're banned from the internet for a week for smashing my air guitar.

Dude, no fair.

Dude left a couple of minutes ago.

Now you're dealing with Dad.

Let's go eat some vegetables.

You first. Dad!

How do you check the time?

Clock on.

What do you put on a blackboard?

Chalk on.

So I guess you're probably going to cancel our buzz performance tonight,

Do you know why I'm doing this concert for Buzz?

To boost record sales?

Well, yes.

And because I did your column.

Really? Thank you.

I always thought my audience was younger.

And female.

Oh, you're talking to Noah.

Right.

Every article you write is amazing.

It's like you choose the perfect words to express exactly how you feel about

something.

All I've got is my rock on.

Rock on is a surprisingly versatile phrase.

Speaking of rock on, where did it go?

Well, you two don't realize that there are two sides to Lance Prescott.

It's a university educated one and the rock star I created who made me filthy

rich. So you do have something to say.

Indubitably.

For a guy who's got nothing to say, he sure can't sing.

Room 425 needs pie a la mode.

What? I'm going for employee of the month.

I already have a job.

I need a dance partner.

Can I borrow you for a second?

Let's not do the borrowing thing. This one's my treat.