Original subtitles

Hey, Becca.

How's your story on Teen Spurs Drops coming along?

I starred as the waitress at the blurb in exactly 25 minutes.

And in exactly 26 minutes, customers will be fleeing the blurb covered in a

of smoothies and pie.

A mess of smoothies and pie? I'd order that.

Just a tip, R. If you want to make tiffs, I'd ditch Bob's apron.

But... This was the apron she wore when she first came to this country.

It's a family heirloom. Maybe your papa will hand it down to you when you get

married. I know.

Hot off the presses, I've got the story of the century.

It's called Michael Davies as a Girlfriend.

I know. I did his birthday, too, when I found out.

A June wedding would be sublime.

Thank you.

Thank you.

going out to the blurb, it's a chance to see someone completely out of their

element running around like a servant.

Oh, yeah, Rebecca's waiting table.

I was talking about Michael and his girlfriend, but... Yeah, that too.

Can't. DJ's making me clean her office for the next three days just because I

changed the ringtone on her cell phone.

That doesn't sound so bad.

To a medley of belches.

Oh, still.

DJ wouldn't be so mad if... she had a boyfriend.

Wait. That's it.

Amanda. You're a genius.

I know. I read my bio.

What are you doing?

Setting DJ up with a secret admirer.

If she thinks someone's into her, she'll go easy on me.

Hmm, musky.

Let's hope so, because Steve Nash is playing on Friday, and I can't miss the

game. One problem. You don't have a secret admirer. Don't need one. That's

beauty of secret admirers. They're secret.

Now sit back and watch Cupid work his magic.

The meatball rolled off his tray, down his thigh, and he fluttered his hand.

My heart started to flutter in perfect sync. We're like two little

So, what happened to the meatball?

Two croissants, one blueberry muffin, and one brie muffin.

Wow, clumsy and precise.

Can you pass me a napkin, kitten?

With whom I'm smitten.

The last time you rhymed like that was when your parents bought you your first

bow tie.

Ah, well to the clip -on.

You were sweet, petite, and made me complete.

Oh, rhyming. I miss that.

Want to go see a movie?

Sure, I'd love to.

But don't you have to call it Actor Guys Publicist May Ray J or something? J.

Ray May.

I'm interviewing him at an autograph signing before he has to go to the Teen

Screen Awards.

Hey, want to come?

I don't know.

Maybe, I guess.

It was really nice meeting you all.

Oh, and don't worry about the bill.

I got it.

She's cute.

And a good tipper.

Totally, but the meatball story had no ending.

I hate her.

Why? Never trust a girl who pays for everything on the first date.

It's a classic hook the friends and make them like me strategy.

Well, work for me.

Well, I liked her.

Also, never trust the opinion of someone wearing an apron with gravy stains

older than they are.

Hello.

Hi, Mom.

Yes, I'm coming over for dinner.

What? No.

Do not invite Percival Kibler.

He parts his hair down the middle, owns an ant farm, and rides to work on a

unicycle.

Can we talk about this later, Mom?

Okay, bye.

Funny, I always took you for the unicycle type.

Shush, and alphabetize, and debrief on my phone, please.

When did these get here?

How would I know?

I was too busy shushing and alphabetizing.

It's in here.

I love that scent.

So did my new career.

You know what, Noah?

You've done enough for the day. You can go now.

What about tomorrow? Do I still have to stay late?

We'll see how I feel tomorrow.

To DJ, how do I love thee?

From your secret admirer.

Feeling overwhelmed?

Like no matter how hard you try, you're not getting anywhere. Like a boy with an

expired bus pass.

Go away, Wilder. I'm busy.

Too busy to learn.

The way of the tray.

The way of the tray? A powerful serving technique that unites body and mind with

tray.

I learned it while serving in volunteer soup kitchens and hanging out at tray

stores.

I don't have time for this.

Teach me the way of the tree, Master Wilder.

Of course.

But first, Master Must Eat.

Hey, Amanda.

Mmm, spicy tuna rolls. Mind if we join? Of course not. In fact... Bon appetit,

my little mooshy mooshy.

Meet you at the center.

Gag, all this mushy is ruining my sushi.

We should go to the park later.

But don't you have to prep for your May -Ray -J interview?

J. Ray May can wait because Michael Theodore Davies wants to spend time with

little angel.

Maybe we can spend more time together by studying?

That's a great idea.

We'll be like two little study bunnies. I said bunnies instead of buddies.

Hop hop, my little study bunny.

OMG doesn't begin to cover this.

That was amazing.

No, that was the way of the train.

Did you read the training manual I gave you?

Read it and memorized it.

We shall see. Climb aboard.

You are serving a bistro and a man enters. He orders salad instead of

What do you do?

Talk to the chef and ask him to make an exception?

Wrong!

Remind him there are no substitutions. Hi -ya!

A young boy with a milk mustache grabs all the mints out of the mint bowl. What

do you do?

Tell him to take only one so others can have mints too?

Wrong!

Give him a moist towelette and tell him to wipe the milk mustache off his face.

Hire!

A woman enters and orders French onion soup for her pool. What do you do? What

do you do?

You tell her that soup's too hot

for a dog to eat.

I swear I had the main meal memorized.

You must do more than memorize.

You must complete all my training exercises.

Only then will I reveal the secret mantra that will make you a master

Fine, but Wilder, you don't have a beard.

Or a mustache.

Hey, DJ, I finished my article on rap bands that don't swear.

Thanks, Noah.

So anyway, I'm going to head out.

Actually, you're going to do my expense report.

I thought you were going to lift my punishment.

And I thought the Q courier was my secret admirer.

Really? Wait, you asked him?

Yes. Oh, and then he told me that I wasn't even his type. Something about

a frantic aura and being a wild item.

I don't see it.

Back to work.

Wait, Teen Buzz allows you to write off mocha magic ice cream?

Mind your own business, thank you very much.

I'm going to the kitchen to get some ice cream.

How's the playing going, Mr. Cupid?

Fantastic.

All I need is a real secret admirer before the game tomorrow.

The courier isn't the only guy that wears the chair that DJ knows.

Mr. Shepard! Amanda, you are a... Genius.

Oh, stop. That's getting old.

Who am I kidding? No, it's not.

I can't really see the point in this, Master Wilder.

Actually, I can't really see at all.

Do as I say, young fruit fly.

And the mantra will be revealed.

Okay.

Can't you just tell me the mantra?

I could, but it wouldn't be as fun.

I'm sorry, Master Wilder, but I've got tables to serve.

Hello, some service, please.

Oh, he's so scrumshalicious.

No, not Michael.

J. Ray May.

Lame old Michael, who introduced me to Jay, who fell madly in love with me, and

whisked me away to the Teen on Screen Awards.

Please, the only way I could get caught is if someone happened to hear what I

was saying right now.

Hey!

Sorry.

Sorry. Did I say I was sorry?

The way of the...

Michael, can I talk to you for a second?

Got all the seconds in the world, Amanda.

I'm in love.

Yeah, about that.

I'm not really good at softening harsh news, but I'm gonna try my best.

Peyton hates everything about you.

That was softening it?

I did put my hand on your shoulder, and I left out the part how she's really in

love with J. Ray May and is only using you.

Peyton is not using me.

Michael Davies.

Oh, hi, Shmoopy.

It's not May Day Raids, J. Ray May.

And I think his favorite color's red.

Happy dress shopping.

She's so in love with me that she wants to be color -coordinated for my

interview. Good day, Miss Pierce.

I am sorry, Master Wilder. Can you find it in your heart to take me back as your

student? We shall see if you're worthy.

Quickly as you can, snatch the pebble out.

Hey, he didn't let me finish.

Please teach me. My article on serving depends on it. I shall teach you, but

only under one condition.

That I open my mind to the oneness of Trey Enlightenment?

No, that you give me the pebble back. It's my fate.

Thank you, Master Wilder.

Rather than rice.

Gotcha.

Old school.

Pasquale's Pig Hut, your pulled pork sandwiches can never be pulled away from

me.

Mr. Shepard.

Until now.

What's up, Noah?

I have some terrible news.

DJ's parakeet is gone.

That's horrible.

Dreadful.

They forgot my coleslaw.

Sorry, I didn't realize that DJ even had a parakeet.

I wonder what happened.

All I know is that it involved a defective birdcage and a three -legged

named Twinkle.

No, no, no, to the coleslaw. I mean, this is the second time they forgot it

week.

Look, DJ's upset, and I thought it'd be nice if you sent her some flowers.

You know, that's a great idea.

Which is why I already arranged for the flowers, and all you have to do is sign

the card.

Wow, if only you were this quick on the draw with your homework assignments,

huh? Okay.

What was the parakeet's name?

Sweet Lips.

It was a really good whistler.

Okay.

In loving memory of Sweet Lips.

I'd go with thinking of you and your sweet lips.

Yes, nice.

That's why you're the writer.

There you go.

Well, what are you doing?

Come on.

What do you want your sympathy card to smell like?

Loser or pulled pork?

Thank you for taking the time to be here with me. I know your schedule is really

busy. No problem. I'm happy to be here.

So, tell us a little bit about... Hello, Jay Rainey.

Finally, you've got his name right.

You're so sweet.

So did you enjoy surfing? Is it true that your favorite color is red?

What do you think about my dress?

Michael, open your eyes.

The power to defeat your foe lies within you.

It is in here.

Or is it here?

Or is it in here?

It's in there somewhere.

Walter's right. It is in me.

I'll be painting at our own game.

You and your little foo -foo red dress are going down.

For the last time, Mom, I'm not interested in Percival.

Even if he parted his hair to the side, lost the amp arm, and added an extra

wheel to his bike.

He did all of that?

That's so sweet.

Mom, I'm going to call you right back.

Well, well, well.

Look who's changed their mind.

Listen, ma 'am, they're not for me.

I'm just going to put these down, nice and gentle, see?

And I'm going to back out slowly so no one has to get hurt.

Looks like your secret admirer struck again.

Signed, sealed, and delivered.

Thinking of you and your sweet lips, Andrew.

Um, Noah, you can go now.

No, no, I really should finish up. Now it's time to find a vase for these

beautiful flowers.

Wow. People actually do do that when they're happy.

I said do -do.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Excuse me.

Jane, tell us more about Surf School Musical.

Do you get to see us surf again?

I just love the way you surf.

One question at a time, sweetums.

Thanks. I just love surfing for all my fans.

You have such electrifying eyes.

That's more of a statement than a question, really.

Back to the movie. Jay, tell us a little bit more about it. Well, it's a

romantic comedy set in the hills of... Hello.

Come on.

You were saying?

Yes, you were saying?

I play this surfer who... Oh, your hair is so messy and cute.

I know.

I love my hair, too.

What are you doing? Yeah, reporter in the middle of an interview here. Do you

know that you have the most electrifying eyes?

I think his eyes are electrifying. You stole my adjective.

Stay away from him. He's mine.

No, he's not. He's mine. He's mine. He's mine. He's mine. He's mine. I thought

Michael was yours.

Yeah, I thought I was yours.

Michael.

Amateur.

Michael Davis reporting live for Teen Buzz magazine.

With a broken heart.

I love when a plan comes together.

And just in time for the game.

Mr.

Shepard, what are you doing here?

Losing a pet can be a very traumatic experience. I thought DJ might want to

about it. No, no.

She's so traumatized that she's blocked out everything.

Andrew?

Thank you for the flowers. They were so sweet.

Well, it was the right thing to do.

Wow. What was that for?

Because that was the right thing to do. I love you, Andrew Shepard.

I love you, too.

I always have.

I was just too afraid to say so. Hey, nobody loves anyone.

Marry me, DJ.

I'll quit my job teaching.

We'll rent a mobile home and we'll drive to Vegas to follow our dreams.

That's so romantic. And I can shut down the buzz and we can... Whoa!

You're not shutting down the buzz and nobody's getting married. This is all my

fault. I tricked DJ into thinking that you were her secret admirer and I

Mr. Shepard into thinking that your parakeet died and... I didn't trick

at all.

I pretty much caught on the moment you interrupted me during my lunch with that

mischievous look in your eyes. And I caught on pretty much when...

Shepard called me and told me you were up to something.

So I guess this means I'm not going to the basketball game tonight?

Nope.

There you go.

But it's so frustrating!

Just breathe, young potato bug. Your mind is cluttered. I know!

It's cluttered with images of me spilling raspberry explosions, of me

frozen yogurts, End of me dropping a butterscotch surprise.

Surprise!

You are ready to learn the mantra.

Finally! The mantra is... Harry the Hippo has happy feet.

Harry the Hippo has happy feet?

What does that even mean?

Nothing, really.

Nothing?

I said...

Here you go, sir.

I snapped pebbles out of your palm with panther -like reflexes.

Bon appetit.

And I did all that for nothing?

I just served all those tables without a single disaster.

Exactly. I was there for thinking everything.

By getting you all riled up, I broke through and... Got me to think on my

Thank you, Master Wilder. I've learned the way of the tray, and I have my

article.

Well, hustle up.

We've got tables to serve.

Our work here is done, Master Harry.

This is just like the time in third grade when Lawrence Morgenstern stole my

Marcia. Your girlfriend?

No, my pencil case.

I love that thing.

Don't look now.

Hey, Michael.

I'm sorry.

You're a nice guy.

But it's J. Ray May, and he's taking me to the Teen on Screen Awards.

No hard feelings?

Um, waitress, please.

Now, there's no hard feelings.

Best dump ever.

Love is for suckers.

The surf is definitely not up for one young lady.

Jay Ray May dumped his date at the Teen On Screen Awards.

We take you to the action now.

Take me back, Michael Babies. I can help you through Daniel Radcliffe interview.

Wow, you gotta love payback.

Actually, for me, not so much.

You know the floor in the kitchen?

You missed the spot.