Original subtitles

I shouldn't like this show, but I do.

Welcome to Entertainment Wow, your hot spot for celebrity gossip.

What's not to like about red carpet trip -ups, eyelash extensions, and celebrity

pets?

It's time for E -Wow's temper tantrum of the day.

There's a tantrum a day? Where do these people come from?

Apparently from the elevator.

Is she going to breathe?

You need a less frightening elevator.

What's wrong?

The fashion show.

I was there.

You'll see.

Today's temper tantrum, fashion designer Figarucci. He's so out, he's inside

out. In fact, his collection today was declared D .O .A.

Disgusting on arrival.

Get it off me. Get it off me. I never want to see it again.

Let me guess. Bad day for a Figarucci fan?

I can't wait to get out and hang out with my friends. Find out what's new.

stress me on who.

And who's better with who.

It's a whole new thing.

In the pages of my...

Ready, waiting, practically bored.

We've got TV star Michael DiCenzo. It'll be great for you in the magazine.

Do you need any help?

Absolutely not.

Putting it out there in case you could use a partner.

Thanks.

But I work better alone.

Time to go gloat to my peers.

Ooh, is that a new shirt?

great color on you.

Could I? No.

What? You don't even know what I was going to ask.

Sadly, I do.

Great color on you. Can I interview Michael DeCenzo with you?

Actually, he codes by Mike.

I hope you should have remembered that when I interview him.

Alone.

But this is Team Buzz's first live webcast ever.

Don't you need an assistant?

Let me think.

No.

Hear me out.

How cool would it be for my column to profile someone who's a student and a

star? Can I say no yet?

I don't think you're giving this your full attention.

Rebecca, you only want this because you're a Michael DeCenzo super fan. I am

not. You post fan fiction on your blog.

Another day, another DeCenzo.

Rebecca, this is my thing.

but I know so much about him. Like, he speaks Italian, he's read all the Harry

Potter books four times, and he has the cutest little eyebrows.

Except the non -fan.

Rebecca, Rebecca, Rebecca.

Let's be realistic.

My live webcast is globally, historically important.

This is the reason they invented the Internet.

I don't make the rules, Rebecca.

That's not what you said in the first grade.

Oh, yeah.

Rule number one.

I make all the rules.

Remember rule number two?

Accept it and move on.

Back to my DeCenzo interview.

Note to self, find out who he is.

Amanda?

Dressed in stranger's clothes from The Lost and Found?

No. Neck deep in a fashion don't.

It's not that big a deal.

I know you love Frangipani, but... It's Figarochi. The man's name is Figarochi.

And he's all I've ever worn.

I remember how it all began.

As a baby, I would only wear designer stuff.

My diapers were Figarochi Pooparochi.

I was accessorizing by the time I was two.

Wow. I was still afraid of the vacuum.

Amanda Pierce is what she wears.

Do you know what this means?

Seriously, no idea.

I'm nothing.

Don't you think you're overreacting?

Overreacting? Where do you shop? Well, there's this funky little outlet mall

in... Enough said.

You don't know what I'm going through.

Nobody does.

I have a feeling Fancy Panty does.

It's Figueroa Cheese!

Martian invasion 2060 is a joke. When aliens visit our planet, it's going to

a lot friendlier than this. I can't believe I'm going to ask this.

When who visits our what now?

Aliens. When they visit Earth, it's going to happen.

I visit this site every day.

Aliens will contact Earth.

It's not a conspiracy.

Dot com. Well, as long as you're using your time wisely.

My computer's hooked up to a satellite that monitors space for alien life.

My computer's hooked to my printer.

A third of all teenagers believe in aliens, Noah.

So two -thirds are normal?

Go ahead and mock me, but aliens are out there. And they're coming this way. We

just don't know when.

Maybe we do.

Maybe we do.

Nothing I love more than an after -lunch donut served with a steaming cup of

gossip.

Whoa! Fashion flop at two o 'clock?

It isn't a bland appearance.

What have you got on?

A no -name tattoo.

Why? Because you look hideous?

No, Beth.

None taken.

None taken?

You really are depressed.

Well, I happen to have something that just might cheer you up.

Hearing about people worse off than me?

Exactly. So who do you want first? Beauty Queen's pageant pratfall?

country singer's mullet transplant, or poor little witch girl's fashion fiasco.

The third one, the third one.

Publishing heiress and current fashion goat Amanda Pierce looked like a million

bucks. And it's super smart.

Just keep it up.

It couldn't be any more pathetic.

Do you have a little... Here?

Interview day.

Hair product.

Shirt.

Hot. Smile.

Straight from my heart.

The rainstorm pours down at 4 o 'clock. The rainstorm pours down at 4 o 'clock!

Descends is in the building.

Stand up and look alive. The star is on its way.

Entering room with just one of my many flavors.

And who's this charming young lady?

I'm... That's my assistant, Rebecca.

She'll be happy to appoint your posse to the kitchenette.

This way, posse.

Oh, and don't touch the fruit leathers. They're mine.

Great outfit.

Well, you gotta look good for my girlfriend, Madison.

And good you look.

I just wanted to ask you...

First, I'd like to dedicate this interview to my girlfriend.

That's amore.

You speak Italian?

Sort of.

I'm learning between Harry Potter books.

How cool are you?

Hugably cool.

I gotta take this.

It's my boo.

Hey, honey buns.

That hug was for me. You don't even like hugs.

It's called being professional?

I can't believe you used everything I told you. You stole my interview. Did

But do you have any more Italian words for me?

Yeah, but I'm too polite to use them.

Wilder, I think your computer's jammed or something.

I'm trying to do a music review and all I can hear is that.

Dude, they made contact. The aliens have made contact.

No way.

So way.

Here, check it. There's even a message.

Dear human, we see you from light years away.

Sadly, we also smell you.

Hurtful.

Prepare for further contact. Do not be alarmed.

Do you know what this means?

They're going to dose you up with intergalactic soap?

Their people they want to meet with me fun people you take me seriously sure

this battle for credibility Bring on the

alien you're so out of touch Amanda

I

was thinking for today's webcast you could

Are you still down about Vigarucci?

I thought he and I were in it for the long haul.

Amanda, you're too young to be tied down to one designer.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it's for the best.

You're just saying that I was your exact age when I fell in love with parachute

pants.

What happened? It was the best three months of my life.

And then corduroy overall came along and ruined everything.

It's your time now.

Experiment. Break out of your mold.

See new designers.

So soon?

You're Amanda Pierce.

The designers will be lining up to dress you.

But he and I were so good together.

What are you wrong?

It's not you.

It's him.

Thanks, DJ. You sure are wise for a woman in a sweater vest.

And we're live in 30 seconds.

Oh, it's my girlfriend again. Sending me a good luck text.

Here's hoping you can read it in 15 seconds or less.

You are not for me?

Later?

I've been dumped.

By text?

In front of a kid with a boot?

Hey, Teen Buzz fans, we're coming at you live from magazine headquarters with

our special guest, Michael DeCenzo.

He's not here right now, but we'll head over to Buzz's own Rebecca

Harper. What?

I have to find Mike.

Not that he's lost or anything.

He's just answering your text questions. So Rebecca here will entertain you in

so many words.

I need you out there and online.

Okay, I do have time to ask. What is going on? You were right. Ever since I

broke up with Figaro Chief, other designers are vooing me like mad.

Don't you think you're moving a little bit fast here? You're the one who told

to see other designers. Not on the same day.

Both Michaels are missing in action. Get out there now.

Anyway, that's how I got the nickname Rash Becca.

But... Hey, fab dudes and fierce...

to vote for your favorite Amanda Pierce ensemble.

Gator Chick.

Cool Cowgirl.

Silas Señorita.

Both are already in.

Haley from Burnaby says, Who are you and where's Michael Desenzo?

Michael DeCenzo in the fruit hat.

Okay, people, pay attention here. We're working on me.

Now, where did you put the eye patch?

It's tough.

I know you two were together for a long time.

Three weeks.

Who walks away from that kind of commitment?

Not me.

Speaking of commitments, we kind of had this webcast thing to do. I pour my

heart out, and all I get is, later, Spelled with an eight.

I got dumped by a girl once.

Third grade, and I asked her if she wanted to share my lunch with me.

She took it all and burped in my face.

Bad day for an egg and pickle sandwich.

Spare me the childhood memories.

Okay, this is way worse.

You know, whenever I'm sad, I sing songs from Good Witch, Bad Witch.

Shall we?

Which witch should I be?

Which witch is really me?

Nice job.

Our first date was to Good Witch, Bad Witch.

I need to be alone.

Note to self, read Rebecca's blog.

No way.

What, dude?

Breaking news story.

Air Force radar picked up a weird communication signal. And they don't

it is.

The wild man does.

Come on home, boys.

Guys, I need somebody to replace Amanda.

What about DeCenzo? Still locked in my office, which means Rebecca's back on

telling viewers.

How to make a compass using old leaves and bear poop.

With the follow -up story, now that you're lost and smelly.

Wilder, get on there and do your thing.

You got it, DJ.

This rock.

A webcast is the perfect way to tell the world that aliens have made contact.

Or you could just talk gaming, like DJ expects.

DJ wouldn't want me to sit on a story.

This is the happiest day of my life. After the world hears this, no one will

ever doubt me again.

Wilder. There's something I gotta tell you. Oh, man.

I bet I'll win the prize for galactic peace.

Fame. Pizza.

Hotties.

And sad little Noah will get nothing because he didn't believe aliens were

What'd you want again?

This came for you.

Awesome.

Yes, sir.

Micah says we'll be right back. I've... I've got somebody bringing him to set

now.

Descenzo! Open up!

Descenzo! Go away!

Uh, we're sort of building anticipation for his return.

Yes, sir.

I'll hurry up and bring him back out here.

It sounds like they're talking at least. I better go check on things.

Greetings, fellow humans.

These aliens have contacted me, and just like you, they want to know all about

Desenzo. What?

Bendix from Planet Zorbat asks, what's your favorite snack?

Cereal, hot cocoa, or moon rock?

I'm as baffled as you are.

Well, Bendix, if I know Mike Desenzo, the answer is cereal.

Something fruity with a little fiber.

This is what the viewers pick, but I'm not sure.

Now, remember, don't be afraid.

Aliens are friendly critters.

Ah! Oh!

Alien attack!

Alien attack!

We are all gonna die!

Give my skateboard to my mom!

Too shiny?

Are you hungry? I could slip something under the door. I've got a whole array

flat foods.

So, how are things going?

Fine, fine.

Thanks to me. He's on the phone making up with Madison.

Listen, Madison.

Nobody dumps Mike DiCenzo. Mike DiCenzo dumps you.

It's a work in progress.

Hi, can you help me? Let me think.

No.

But I will help Mike DiCenzo.

Move out of the way. Superfan coming through.

Go away, bowtie boy.

It's me. You know, the charming young lady?

Oh, yeah.

I remember you.

Sure. Kind of a

rough day, huh?

Tell me about it.

I feel so alone and dumped.

What are you talking about? You have a bunch of friends in the kitchen.

Oh, and by the way, they ate all my cabbage rolls.

They're not my friends. They're my entourage, and I hired them.

My real friends are just guys like me, except... With girlfriend.

I am such a fraud.

You're not a fraud.

You're a really sweet guy.

You don't know the real me. You only know the character I play on TV.

Well, I kind of do.

You once responded to my fan mail.

That seemed super sweet.

That's what actors do.

It was two pages handwritten. You told me about yourself, your family, and more

importantly, you asked about my life.

It was like you were my biggest fan.

I'm a super nice guy. And a guy like that shouldn't be with a girl who texts

them.

You are so right.

I mean, she so wasn't my type anyway. She actually thought my last name was

Dementia.

Man, they should have sent you in a long time ago.

I had to cover for the webcast.

Our star went missing.

What'd you do?

I did the cry of the loon. It's my favorite.

It's like good improv.

Of course the stencil's in on it.

That's why he's a genius.

What are you so mad about? I mean, you got the message out, didn't you?

I'm mad because you made me a laughingstock at aliens will contact

nonconspiracy .com.

Oh, trust me, they're not the only ones laughing.

You too? Calm down.

You're just mad because you won't win biggest dork in the galaxy.

It's prize for galactic peace.

And you.

clumping around like a hobo from space.

FYI, this is a designer original.

None of them have already seen it on Bendix.

Bendix isn't real.

I would like to take the opportunity to remind you all that we are still alive.

Which witch should I be? Which witch is really me?

Am I bad? Am I good? Am I true? Or just misunderstood?

Want to wait this one out for a bit?

That's right, sir.

The hits for the site were through the roof.

Yes, no one's more surprised than I am.

Okay, bye now.

Oh, you found a new designer. I told you it would happen.

No, I'm back with Figuerochi.

Oh.

Yeah, I always liked him.

But maybe things will be different this time.

Just curious.

What changed your mind?

I decided that Figuerochi was my fashion soulmate.

That? And he was just declared back in.

Ugh. I give them six months.