Original subtitles

I'm gonna get some water. You guys want some?

I like it. Reclaiming the middle finger as a sign of respect.

Well done.

Three birdies in one day.

-You're crushing it. -Thanks.

You nervous?

No. It's only a practice round.

Ask me again on Wednesday when the tournament starts.

I'm not talking about golf, I'm talking about after practice, play a.

What's after practice, play a?

I'm thinking maybe some stroke play.

From what I can see, you got a clear approach to the hole.

Easy lie.

Sinking it shouldn't be a problem for you.

Basically, it's a gimme at this point.

Yeah, make sure you play it down the left side on number seven.

And then on 14, you just gotta watch that narrow shoot.

Other than that, I think you're golden.

-Can I ask you a question? -Yeah.

When you were younger, you know,

I'm sure you got a lot of girls, being a pro golfer and everything, so I...

Being a pro golfer is not exactly like being a rock star.

Okay, it's not like you're Mick Jagger.

But yeah, we did okay.

It's probably more like being the keyboardist.

Yeah, I'm sure the keyboardist for the Rolling Stones did pretty well.

Well, I mean it was probably more like the keyboardist for the Goo Goo Dolls.

But you probably had a lot of game, right?

And when you were talking to a girl, like...

Like, if Zero asks, do I tell them my body count?

-Your... -My body count.

Like, how many people I've already done it with.

Okay, new lingo.

So...

is this happening?

-Yeah. -That's pretty exciting.

Yeah. Okay, do I t...

do I tell them the truth or do I lie?

I mean this is a slippery slope, and maybe I'm not the best guy to ask

because I actually think sometimes a lie is not a bad thing, you know?

Like, if the truth is gonna hurt someone's feelings

or get me in trouble, then I just steer clear of it.

Or at least tweak it a little to protect yourself.

I mean, if it was me, I would probably lie.

But you're not me.

I mean, you're like a decent human being

and decent human beings tend to tell the truth...

from what I hear.

-Yeah, but it's zero. -Yeah, exactly.

Zero deserves the truth.

She's a decent human being.

My body count is zero.

Zero?

You haven't been with anyone? Ever?

-Like, no one? -I know...

-Okay, yeah. That's... -How old are you?

-So should I say, like, 27 or something... -Well, no. Twenty-seven?

Now you're swinging too far in the other direction.

But I have to say a number.

I mean, they have to think that I have at least some game.

Don't get too hung up on game, okay?

'Cause game can be overrated. Trust me, okay?

I sometimes wonder if I would've done better in my life with less game.

Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe just be honest with Zero.

And actually, truth can be great game 'cause it's unexpected.

Be a high-wire act.

What do you think Zero's body count is?

-Like, seven? Twelve? -No.

This way lies madness.

Don't even go there, my friend.

Okay.

What, are you kidding me?

Look at this.

This is the king's spot.

-A parking spot. -No.

Calling this a parking spot's kinda like saying the Mona Lisa's just a painting.

-Okay. -This is slot 167,

-off the main road... -Yeah.

...private trail to the lake,

we're near the showers, away from the dumpster.

This is prime real estate, baby.

What?

No, nothing. It's just fun to see what gets you excited.

Yep, RV Shangri-la.

So, Mitts, I have something to share with you.

I finally made my decision.

-What are we talking about? -My investment.

Pryce's 100,000, now my 100,000.

I have a plan.

All right, hit me.

So I'm going all in on something that is a little under the radar.

-Helium. -Like, party balloons?

No. Not... No.

Yes, but no. It's more than just that.

Like, there are other uses,

and it's a nonrenewable natural resource,

-and it's... -Okay, what?

-But, like, all in, like the whole 100K? -Yes. Like a big swing.

-On one thing? -Yes, one thing.

Okay.

-Here's the guy. About time. -Thanks for the ride.

-Thank you. -What's up, old man?

-That's a great spot. -This is the spot.

-Come on! -Look at this.

Yeah.

-All right, no peeking. -Peeking?

I'm literally facing away from you.

Marco!

Polo.

-Marco! -Polo.

Marco?

Marco?

Polo.

Marco.

Polo.

Marco.

Come here.

I'm still a virgin.

Only in the sense that I haven't done it yet.

But other than that, I'm not a virgin.

Me too.

You too?

What?

-Really? -Yeah.

Yeah, I don't trust a lot of people.

But you trust me?

I trust you too.

Morning, you two.

Hi.

How'd you sleep?

Good.

-I want some of that. -Fruit. You want?

It's like impossible to get.

Like that. I want that

You look different.

No.

-Morning. -I can't put my finger on it, pero...

Pryce, does Santi look different to you?

-Is that a new shirt? Looks good. -Yeah.

-I like it. -You look older.

Actually, you know, I think we are seeing the effects of good ol' RV-living.

This is not a fountain of youth.

I feel I've aged ten years since I started this trip.

Mitts, before he bought this thing, he looked like a teenager.

Anyway, enough musings about Father Time.

I want you to take the day off today, okay, champ?

-Okay. -Easy breezy.

I want you rested and ready to roll tomorrow morning for the first round.

-Got it? Okay. -Got it. Easy breezy. Okay.

You kids run along and just do your innocent kid things.

-Okay, thanks. -Okay, we'll see ya.

Nailed it.

Hey, asshole.

Bears.

You can't leave food around.

I mean, that's the first rule of campground.

I thought the first rule of campgrounds was don't talk about campgrounds.

You don't even get that reference, do you?

No, I get it. Just pick up your crust, dipshit.

Okay, so I'm precooking the dogs and the patties, all right?

And that way, we can just burn and turn when people start showing up.

What did you mean by "huh"?

What?

Yesterday when I told you my plan,

you shrugged your shoulders, and you said, "Huh."

Because you said you were going all in on helium.

It just seems risky to me to go all in on one idea.

So you think I don't know what diversification is?

Or what? You think I'm being nilly-willy?

Hey. Can I get two double patties with cheese, please?

No, they're not ready yet.

No, I don't think you're being all willy-nilly.

It's just risky, that's all.

It's all the money you have

and if it were me, I would think about maybe mutual fund or bonds,

you know, something smart.

How do you know helium is not smart?

-Are the hot dogs ready? -No, 3:30. Read the sign.

3:30. Do you read? You want me to text it to you?

I'm not trying to say that you're not smart.

-Okay. -Do you guys have chicken tenders?

My little brother doesn't eat red meat.

Tell your little brother it's a barbecue.

Okay? We don't have chicken tenders,

we have burgers and hot dogs.

Hey. Where you going?

You're probably gonna be really mad at me for asking you this,

but do you guys have nachos?

Are you fucking serious?

You got your party hat on? Ready? You're excited?

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear Elliot

Happy birthday to you

-Yeah, you can do it. -Keep going, buddy.

Hey! I wanna have the same colored golf club.

Okay, you have this one.

I knew it!

Pryce, don't do that.

Don't FaceTime me three times in a row, honey.

If I don't pick up, it's because I'm busy.

What's going on?

I'm organizing.

Hey, can I throw out this brown club chair?

It's gross.

Okay.

That's fine. Throw it out. It doesn't matter.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

One of those days, huh?

I get it.

Anyway, yeah, go ahead and throw it out.

Nice to see you.

You're so far behind me.

-I can't even see you. -Really? Yeah, I'm far behind you?

-On the inside! -No!

You're feeling yourself, huh?

Are you referring to the S-E-X that we had?

Should I be? How you feel?

Wow, extended aftercare.

Well done.

Not bad for an amateur.

You know, you're an amateur too.

But how was it?

I mean, how did I do?

I think you might be ready to go pro.

-What? -Boom!

-I just kicked your ass! -Oh, my... I just... You...

-I kicked your ass. -You just distracted me.

-It's so sad I'm so good at this game. -Yeah, that was not nice.

Oh, my God. Wait. We can go again. We can keep going.

-Go get the tokens. They're in my bag. -Oh, okay. Yeah.

Thank you.

It's counting down.

Hurry, we're gonna miss it!

-Ten, nine, eight... -Ten, nine, eight...

-...seven, six, five... -...seven, six, five...

-...four, three... -...four, three...

Beautiful. Here we go.

-You wanna do the same course? -Get ready.

Yeah.

The intercourse.

Oh, my God. Get out.

Get out of the car.

You don't feel good?

No, I'm all right.

I'm a doctor.

I can give you medicine.

I don't need any medicine.

But I bet you can find someone who does.

Molly, come here!

-Sorry. -It's okay.

Bye, Molly.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Wanna play some pickleball?

I think I'm all right.

There's a tournament over there. I need a partner.

Zero won't play. It's too "aggro" for them.

Santi, I'm good. Let me just relax.

No. Come on. Let's go, man.

You said that I needed to relax today.

Right? Now, what would really help me relax is you coming with me

to play some fucking pickleball.

Come on.

Let's do it.

Is pickleball even a real sport?

It's like the bowling of racket sports.

Come on. Get your head in the game. Let's go.

It's like we're all standing on a giant Ping-Pong table.

Let's go! Game on!

Okay, let's play.

What happened to you?

I had to leave the grill with some moron who doesn't know how to score a hot dog.

What's the matter? What, are you still pissed off at me?

What's happening?

I've spent my whole life being questioned by pinche assholes like you.

I went to business school at DePaul. Did you know that? Top of my class.

I met Gary my second year, got pregnant, he told me to drop out.

I didn't want to, but he insisted, and so I listened.

I wanted to go back when Santi was bigger,

but my father told me it wouldn't be right.

I had to be a good mother, so I listened.

I've spent my whole life listening to fucking men,

and I'm sick of it.

Elena!

Hey.

Hold up.

Elena, come on. Don't be ridiculous. Let's just talk for a minute.

Elena!

It's more than fucking party balloons.

Okay? That's where I got the idea. At the store.

I noticed that the price of helium has skyrocketed over the last ten months.

I was about to let it go, but I decided to what?

To trust my instincts.

Turns out helium is used in all kinds of other sectors

-besides fucking party balloons. -Wow.

There are national defense applications. Este... aerospace.

It's also a super coolant used in MRIs and surgical lasers.

-It is? -Yes! It is.

And after a potential regime change in Tanzania,

the main source of helium production is gonna be limited to two mines.

Two mines.

If I'm right, investing in those mines could yield a considerably higher return

than the S&P 500, a money market account or any mutual fund available.

Wow.

Holy shit!

All right, just don't worry.

-Bad! Go back, bear! -What the fuck are you doing?

-No! Fuck you! -What the fuck are you doing?

Get big. You gotta get big.

Just get big.

No, not big enough!

What are we doing?

-Get it. -I got it.

Come on.

Well played.

Come on, where were you? Are you kidding me?

-Smoking! -Let's go, Pryce, end it.

One more.

Okay, 11-10. Game point.

This is it.

Good luck.

Let's go.

I got it.

-That's you. -Yep.

Oh, no, fault! He just hit it from the kitchen!

-Wait, what are you talking about? -He was in the kitchen. You see that?

I wasn't in the kitchen, I was on the other side of the house.

My daughter doesn't lie. Volley is dead. Serve.

Are you for real?

-Play on! -You heard him.

I mean, I would argue, but I don't know the rules.

Yeah, me neither.

All right, game point!

11-10, two.

I got it.

That's it.

Yes, Pryce!

-Yeah! -Damn it!

-Come on! Yeah! -Come on, man!

Hey, good game! Shake hands?

Hey, no hard feelings.

Who knew I loved pickleball?

I wasn't shitting on your idea, all right? I just didn't want you to make a mistake.

Yeah, but it's not a mistake.

It's a calculated risk.

And sometimes taking a risk is the best thing you can do.

You should try it.

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, that maybe I'm being risky,

but at least I'm doing something I believe in.

Taking a chance for something better in my life.

You play it so fucking safe, your life is passing you by.

You risk nothing.

You do nothing that challenges you, that makes you grow.

Pryce forced you on this trip,

but when was the last time that you did something risky?

When was the last time you did something that scared the shit out of you?

Hey! Is Dr. Molly still seeing patients?

-Think she might have an opening. -Okay.

Thanks.

Doc.

Doc, thank you for making time to see me today because...

I got a little bit of an emergency.

What's wrong with you?

Well, at some point today, I think maybe during pickleball,

my ears fell off.

I don't know what we'd do.

Did you just put them back on?

Yeah, they're working.

Testing. Testing. Yeah.

You need a new look.

What's wrong with how I look?

There's nothing wrong with how you look.

You're super cute.

I'm just saying your hair is, like, wild.

We could fuck with it. We could do something cool.

I could cut it if you want?

This is some big Latin hair, you know?

You need skills to cut this.

-Okay. -I just don't know if you can handle it.

-Okay. Shots fired. -Yeah.

Is it ever weird for you being from a place like Indiana?

You know, that's so, like, white.

I mean, I'm pretty white.

But you're also Latino, I mean, it's different.

Well, that's an ethnicity.

I mean, it's, like, different for me than, like, my mom

and way different than my dad.

What do you mean?

My dad's like a white-bread,

American white dude, like Hoosier Indiana,

"I love Bruce Springsteen" white.

And you know, my mom's not, and I'm kinda like both of them.

So like that 50-50 life.

No, 'cause I'm kinda not like either one of them too.

That sounds like it could be confusing.

Okay, well think about it like this.

Just 'cause some days you lean more masc, does that make you any less fem?

Or the other way around, like you're kinda like both but not.

Right?

I like you.

-Yes. -Shut up, nerd.

-Hey, Mitts. -Hey, Mitts.

Going to bed.

-Was he wet? -Yeah.

Okay, we gotta talk about payment. Will you accept insurance?

No. Venmo.

I don't have Venmo.

I'll pay you with marshmallows.

How about that?

No? What about chips?

Okay, how about if I get this chip over the bike?

-You think I can do it? -Yeah.

That hurt my finger.

We could just put a bunch of product in it,

make it really shiny and hard.

Or we could do a little man-bun.

Or like a mohawk!

I feel like that's cultural appropriation, but you would look badass.

Or we could buzz the side, and then bleach the side that we buzzed.

Can I ask you a question?

Why do you have Pryce's Ryder Cup ring in your bag?

I saw it today.

I found it outside the RV yesterday. I feel like he dropped it or something.

I haven't had the chance to give it back to him yet.

Yeah. Okay.

Figured.

-And, I could fuck with the mohawk. -You could?

Yeah, I'd win the Amateur looking like a psycho. That's perfect.

That's genius. Good thinking.

Hi.

Hey.

-I want one of those, yeah. -Oh, yeah.

Thanks.

What a weird fucking night.

Did you talk to Mitts?

No, he'd already hit the sack.

I saw you playing with that little girl.

-Yep. -Yeah.

How was that?

I felt lucky that there was a doctor in the trailer park.

Yeah, saved my life.

Is it hard sometimes...

to be around kids like that?

What?

Mitts told me.

Don't be mad at him.

Actually, you know what was hard,

was when her mom was trying to put her to bed.

Naturally she didn't wanna go.

Wanted to keep playing. "Give me five more minutes."

"Nope, I already gave you 20 more minutes."

She's crying, "It's not fair, I'm not tired."

It's like they won't wave the white flag.

That's the stuff I feel like I kinda missed.

You know, the first and last time Amber-Linn got me to go

to one of those grief groups,

everyone was talking about missing their kids' graduations,

or their weddings.

But actually, you know what I think really hurts?

I never got to stand at the bottom of the stairs and yell,

"Hey! Hey! Turn that music down!"

"I know you hear me!

Hey, you're not the only one who lives here!"

Life.

Yeah, exactly.

You can keep the prom pictures.

I just miss cutting a few more crusts off some PB&Js.

Sign a few mediocre report cards.

Say, "No, you're not getting a ferret. Absolutely not."

But you gotta be careful thinking about it too much.

'Cause if you do...

you really just don't wanna come back.

Hey.

-Tournament day. Let's do some winning! -Yeah. Yep.

Hey.

-So, sorry about yesterday. -Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

And, not that you care, but I think your helium idea is amazing.

Yo.

Santi found your ring yesterday.

I told him you dropped it.

Santi.

Just be cool and play your game, okay?

-Okay. -Hey, you belong here.

Just remember, with your tee shot on 11, just hit a draw.

Stay away from the right.

-Okay. -That's where the water is.

-Don't hit it a fade... -You got your ring back, dude.

Oh, yeah, I do.

How do you lose your Ryder Cup ring?

That's like gold.

Did you take it off so you could, like, beat your meat or something?

No, I think I was just moving things, I didn't wanna scratch it.

-Listen, you... -What were you moving?

Just loading up after Crooked Stick.

Crooked Stick was last week and like 400 miles away.

-Yeah, I know. Come on, let's go. -Let's do this thing.

Wait. When did you find Pryce's ring again?

-I was just telling him that I... -Wait, stop.

When did you find it?

Yesterday in the parking lot.

Pryce said he dropped it at Crooked Stick last week.

Yeah, I think I might've lost it in the RV,

and then it fell out on those steps th...

-Why are you guys lying to me? -Buddy, we're not lying to you.

-We just... Zero, hold it. -Santi, listen to me...

-We have to tell him. -Zero, hold on.

Tell me what? What the fuck is going on?

Did you use your golfer game, man? Are you two like a thing?

-Are you guys like f... -No.

-Santi, that's crazy. -No, oh, my God, no.

Pryce gave me the ring as collateral, okay?

I was just holding onto it until he paid me some money.

What money?

Ten grand.

$10,000?

-Zero gets paid to caddy, you know that. -Not $10,000, dude.

Caddies get bonuses.

Zero gets a bonus if we get to the Amateur.

Wait, no. Stop, wait. I'm just confused, okay?

Just tell me what's happening here.

-That's what I'm trying to do. -No, but don't lie to me, Pryce.

-Without lying to me. -I'm not. I'm not lying.

I'm trying to explain to you that...

-Hey. -You always...

-It's because you listen to me. -Yes.

What does that mean?

Look, there's stuff where, you know, if Pryce says it, you'll blow it off.

-But if I say it, you do it. -That's it.

So we agreed that sometimes I would say things for him.

Are you hanging out with me for money?

No.

But you agreed to say things to me for $10,000?

Look it's not like that, okay? That's on the course, okay?

I needed the money, but it's not why I hang out with you.

Okay...

Did you pay them to have sex with me?

-Stop it. No. Stop it! -Oh, my God.

-So just to fuck with my head then? -No, to help your game.

Do you not remember, in the beginning, you wouldn't listen to me.

I needed you to hear me in order to be able to help you.

Why would I want your help? You're a fucking loser.

I could've done this without you.

I thought you liked me.

-I do. Santi... -No, you don't like me.

Zero does like you, you know that, all right?

I don't know that, Pryce.

I don't know anything.

Obviously.

-Santi, hey, just... Come on. -Stop.

Can we just be real with each other, just for a second?

How are you gonna be real with me?

Nothing about you is real.

Your entire life is cosplay.

I mean, who's gonna be real with me? Is it gonna be the e-girl? The skater boy?

Even your name is phony.

Zero.

You're a fucking clown.

-Fuck you. -No, fuck you!

Hey. Santi, stop. Listen.

-Listen, let's talk about this. -I thought you and I...

-Hold it, let's talk about this! -I thought you were my friend.

-I am. -I thought you and I were real friends.

-Santi, we are. -No, all I am to you is a fucking golfer.

I'm just a do-over for your pathetic fucking life.

-I'm nothing to you. -No, that's not true.

-Listen to me. -I never wanna see you again.

Don't say that.

Hey, Santi, don't leave.

Santi.

Hey, don't...

Don't walk away from me.