Original subtitles

Why? What happened? Border attack! It fled!

Aiden! Aiden, find cover! Wait!

Aiden!

No! Aiden!

It's the septic tank!

Of course.

Target infrastructure.

Well, sure.

Do you know I love American fridges? Just love them.

Can't get enough of them. Step away from the fridge.

Peckish. Mal, we're having brunch later.

Coffee, pancakes, cheeky bucks fizz, a day at the beach.

Swim, romantic walk, real quality time together. My darling is why I brought

to this wondrous country.

Step away from the fridge.

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah. For a new mix. Freddie, can you just stop waving that thing at me,

please?

Freddie.

Freddie, you're not taking that thing to school.

No, no, no, I haven't finished.

I'm sure the music department has clubs. Go along, see what's on offer. What?

Yeah, I'm on my way. What's the matter?

There's been some sort of explosion at the park.

What? Can you say that again, I missed that. Shush.

Something to do with a septic tank.

But we're still going to the beach, right?

Joke. Come on.

Hey, Conan. Hi.

Hi, Conan.

Hi. Will you give Freddie a lift this morning? Yeah, sure.

Jane, come on.

Hiya. Mum!

Conan's not a taxi, is he? Pick me up. You two have got the whole day to be

together. Freddie's on his own too much.

Lock up.

Cool car.

Thanks. Don't even think about getting in the phone.

Yeah, we put a tarp over it. Because it smells real bad.

Perhaps you and you should stand back.

No, no, it's fine. I'm fine.

Yes, sir. All right.

Oh!

Whoa.

I mean, the methane gas buildup, we're just lucky nobody got killed.

No, no, no, no, no. The weakness is built in. That's what the lid's for.

What am I standing on?

What did the lid hit me in the head?

I got a question.

What if we need to go pee?

That's right.

How about now?

Well, I mean, my RV's got a chemical unit. You guys can use it. Fuck a shot.

Leave it like you found it. You mean piss all over the floor? All right,

you.

Yeah, for now, use the portable toilet facilities, and we will go

see Paul.

Paul, you know what to do. Yeah. Okay, we're going to fix this.

All right, um, but we have to go now.

What are

you doing later? Hopefully whatever you're doing.

Great, because my parents want us to come to the country club.

Sounds fancy.

It's pretty good. You're going to love it. And bring your workout clothes. The

gym's awesome.

Okie doke. You're too much.

This is what we need our park to be like.

Yeah, but, I mean, you know, it's taken Paul quite a while to build all this up.

Yeah, but these are the kind of guests we want.

Hey, here's a great big nice surprise.

How's it going?

Yeah, good, great.

How are you? Hello.

Oh, I'm just falling in love with your park.

Thanks. Tell you what, why don't I give you a tour?

Come on.

Tank!

Okay.

So, these afford a short stay tourist during theme parks, and with Orlando

the road, we fill them all year round.

So, how's your park coming there?

It's really great. It's good. Um, Mal?

No, no, it's not good. We, uh...

Slight incident this morning. An explosion in the septic tank.

In the septic tank?

Yeah, it blew the lid up 50 feet.

Oh, man.

So naturally, we're a little bit concerned.

You bet, yeah.

Because what else is damaged? I mean, if that system's gone, you're looking at

$150 ,000.

$150 ,000 minimum. How much?

Listen, you've got to move fast. You can't mess around with sewage.

You've got to get that checked out, and you need accreditation for it, which in

this county means you've got to work with a fellow named Herman Block.

Herman Block? Herman Block, the mayor of Narcoossee.

Yeah. I mean, why? Do you know him?

Why did I tell Herman I was in logistics?

Why didn't I just say I owned an RV park?

Because your daughter asked you not to. And why do I do what teenagers want?

Because you love her and because there wasn't any time now.

If I do fess up to Herman, then Tina's gonna kill me.

Oh, come on, Mal. Romeo and Juliet can wait. We need Herman to dig us out of

this $150 ,000 hole.

This is so embarrassing.

Well, what other options do we have at this moment?

What if, as the logistics consultant, I tell Herman that I've got an RV park

client who's got a septic tank problem?

Something like that.

Mal.

You've got an evil genius hiding in there somewhere.

People ask us if we swing. And we say... Honey, yes we do.

You're fantastic.

Thanks. This is how we met.

In a swing band.

Where else?

We don't get to do it too much now, though. But this weekend... The band's

to be swinging at the beach. And you should come.

Yeah.

Yeah, we would. It's a date.

We're going to get back to practicing.

Well, we'll let you get on.

Hey, I just had a bit of a wicked thought. Do you think they really are,

know, swingers?

No.

Are they? Well, I don't know.

Maybe.

No, I mean, they're playing swing music. Casper says it's a swing band, not a

band that swings.

Yeah, but half -naked, lep -skinned briefs. I think the jury's out on that

Mum,

have you seen my June stuff?

Um, it's where you left it. Why?

Conan's invited me to the country club. We're going to work out and have dinner

with his parents. That sounds nice.

I'm just going to get changed.

Dad, can you give me a lift?

Herman Block.

What's going on?

You're not to come in again.

No, no, no. We'll just drop you off.

I mean, if they happen to invite us in, then so be it. But you promised.

It's quite nice for us to get to know Conan's parents, you know.

Fine.

Stay in the car.

Mr. Pemberton?

Mrs. Pemberton? Dad! Mom!

Hey, Conan.

Hello. Hi. Hey, Jan, Mal.

I'd love to surprise you. We were just dropping Tina off and then going for a

drive, but it's lovely to see you. It's great to see you, too. It's fantastic.

Wow, what a place.

Isn't it? Yeah.

You play golf? Yeah, I love the game. Well, Larissa and I were just going to

play around. Why don't you join us? Oh, we'd love to.

Well, okay.

The more the merrier. That'd be great.

We're going to head off. Yeah. All right, you two have fun.

Be good now.

Well, now, come on in. Come on. We'll show you around.

Why don't we do that?

I just cannot get over how much your Tina reminds me of Princess Kate. Oh,

Everyone says that to us.

So, are y 'all related to any royalty or knights or anything like that? Well,

actually, everyone from England of Anglo -Saxon heritage is descended from...

Edward III, I think that's right, isn't it? Yes, one of the Edwards. Oh, my God.

Princess Jen and Prince Mao.

That's wild.

Nice shot, Your Highness.

Oh, no, no, no.

Mere commoners now with everyday jobs, like Mao, your humble logistics

consultant.

Um, yeah, Herman, um, I meant to ask you, I've got a client of mine. No, even

when I'm playing with royalty, I sure do like a little silence in the tee box

when I'm addressing the ball.

Yeah, no, sorry.

Ooh.

Oh.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's going to play.

That's going to be a great angle to the green from there.

The mayor really doesn't like to lose.

Should we do a partner trade?

What, where you use each other? Yeah.

Yeah. Why? You wanna do it?

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, um, let's throw some trash.

How's that?

Yes.

Can I go deeper?

No.

Hey, you know how things aren't just physical?

You know, like it's mind and body?

Yeah. You can say no if you want, but want to go outside after this?

Sure.

So, Mal, tell me about this logistics.

What does that entail?

Well, um... Well, essentially, what I do

is, you see, I develop companies and, um... then I sell them.

Now, you are my kind of businessman.

A real businessman.

Let me tell you something.

Money -making Christians, Christians with a sharp eye and a keen nose...

Lord doesn't make me any better.

You know what I mean?

Here it is.

Look, honey, I found your ball.

Thank you, baby.

You are joking.

Well, looky there.

No way his ball would have ended up there.

Let him win.

I am trying.

But he's rubbish.

Now, these little critters can be mighty tricky, but, uh... No pressure, Mal.

Oh, boy. My allergies. I beg your pardon.

This is the square of the match.

Oh!

Well played.

Oh, uh, that reminds me. Uh, Herman, I got a phone call from a client today

seeking advice over a septic tank issue.

Say what?

Yeah. I'm in septic tanks!

Well, not literally, of course, but... Um,

yeah, no, I remember you saying something about it. Oh, my Lord.

Have we been brought together?

Is our meeting meant to be?

Praise God.

Where's the tank?

It's on my client's RV park.

RV park?

Yeah. Oh.

RV parks are awful.

Oh. They're dreadful places.

Dens of iniquity.

I tell you what, the best thing about being mayor of Narcoossee is I can deny

applications for new ones. I loathe RV parks.

Right.

But to help a fellow Christian sent from the Lord, I will, of course, take a

look at it for you personally.

Oh,

absolutely no need for you to go there personally. No problem. Just send an

employee. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I feel God is testing us.

Can't you feel it, Peaches? I can, Danny.

Herman Block will not be found wanting.

I'll come tomorrow.

Hey. Why don't you just come by my office at 2?

We'll drive out together.

Come on, peaches.

So sweet, Daddy, to do that.

Hope you got planned, peachy.

Thinking of what?

Thinking of what?

Can I share something with you?

Because I don't know about you, but after exercising, I get this real rush

energy. Like, I don't know what to do with it.

I totally get that, too.

Right, so can I?

Go for it.

This explains it. This is exactly how we're feeling.

Isaiah 40, verse 31.

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint.

I mean, he comes to the park, and I do what?

I mean, what do we do? Yeah, don't talk about it in front of... Hi.

Have a good time? Yeah.

Great.

I don't know.

That's my boyfriend, Conan.

Well, I say he's my boyfriend.

We've been hanging out a lot.

A real lot, but... But what? All he does is hold hands.

Yeah, and a kiss on the cheek like I'm his sister or something.

He's never made a move.

You know, I don't know why.

Did he want to dare me? And now he's daring me. He's like, nah.

No, honey.

Not possible.

You are too gorgeous.

And you're British.

You know how we Americans feel about that accent of yours.

Well, what is it then?

Do you do things differently here? Or is he just shy?

Well, I mean, something isn't happening, right?

I've seen him when he's dropped you off.

Conan is fine.

He is, isn't he?

So, there are two options here, okay?

He's either one of those old -fashioned kind of guys who likes to take his

sweetest time when it comes to romance, or, and this is just a question,

do you think he's gay?

No, I mean...

No, I'm... It's a question. No.

It's a question. No, he can't be a... Hey, hey, I'm not saying he is.

Oh, hi, Rhoda. Hey, somebody just needed a little company. I hope you don't

mind. Yes, fine.

Um,

he's had a slightly weird phone call from Conan.

I thought he was going to ask me for your hand in marriage.

It's very formal.

Anyway, uh, turns out...

He wanted to know if I had any objections to him taking you to a... to

-in movie tomorrow night.

I said I thought that was fine.

Hope that was right.

That's perfect.

Thanks, Dad.

Pleasure.

Night. Night.

Have you got a plan yet?

Yeah, sort of. Sort of, um... It's a work in progress.

Then let me know.

Well, you may have to force it out of me.

Double S.

Double M.

Double E. Oh, yeah, OK.

Ready?

Freddy?

I thought I had my headphones plugged in. Sorry. I'm doing it for a club at

school. Freddy! All right, well, just mind your ears and turn it down.

We'll use that.

I heard.

Freddy.

I worry about him.

He'll be fine.

I hope so.

Now step away from the wife.

This is the plan one last time, okay? For today, once I leave here, Aiden is

park owner. And when I return with the septic tank man, the crucial thing is,

none of you know who I am. You've never seen me before.

Everybody understand?

Aiden is the owner.

Yeah. But he is the mayor of Narcoossee.

And if he asks me who you are, I cannot tell a lie.

You're suddenly George Washington? Why would he ask you anyway?

Pastor Wilson, please.

Just for today, I'm a stranger.

Don't even know my name.

I'll hog time. Don't worry about it.

We'll keep an eye on him. You rest easy, Mr. Pemberton. It's all in hand.

Bye. Great. Okay. Thank you, Aidan.

What do we have here?

What'd I tell you, man?

Get light.

Come on.

Go back to your clarinet.

Hang on, you got my stuff. Don't worry about it.

Take care of it.

Oh, his name is... Yeah, uh, Aiden Lever.

What's he like?

He is, uh, he's really a very mild -mannered guy.

Good deal.

From a block, I presume?

Aiden Lever.

Thanks for coming.

Mr. Pemberton, septic's this way.

Come on!

Sweep the whole path, not just in front of your place. Come on, you guys.

Get this trash up.

Come on, man.

Really, Troy?

Is that what we're doing?

Come on, the smudges.

Do the windows open, all right?

Tell you what, I wish all RV parks would run like this. What the hell is going

on?

Let's have a look.

Anything I can do for you. I'm at your disposal.

You want me to take the tarp off?

Let's do it.

Smells like money to me, boys.

I'll be right back.

I'm not going to say anything.

Jeff, I'm blind. Pastor Wilson!

Ryan! I own it!

Get him out of here!

Get him taking me to the landfill now!

You cannot kill me!

How's it going?

Ready?

Daddy and I are going out tonight, so I'm doing your pizza.

And while we're gone, keep your music down.

Take a bow for me, because I am doomed.

Let me tell you, that owner's one lucky fella.

Except the tank is fine.

It's the outlet pipe.

Sitting at the wrong angle, gas can't escape.

Right,

so how much is it going to cost to repair?

600 bucks.

600 at the most? 600 bucks, that's fantastic.

I mean, you know, for the owner, I mean, that's great.

Now, wait.

Was he not expecting that? God, no. Well, hold the phone.

We might take advantage of this.

Anything? Anything?

All we have to do is tell him this is a big...

We dig some holes. We take our time and we split what we make between us. We're

doing absolutely nothing.

How's 100K sound to you?

Um... Thing is, Herman, you see, I am... Hey, this is the way things are done

here. Come on, be smart.

I mean, this is an invite to the top table. I'm laying a place for you.

Herman, you see, I... No, I mean, um...

I'm kind of building my reputation here, you know, and I just think... Ma 'am.

Just keep an open mind.

Just sit on it for a while. Don't you tell that owner yet.

All right?

Think on it.

Phase two starts with this clean -up. Let's get a rockin' and rollin'. Okay,

Troy. Yeah, uh, Troy, Troy, um... Give me Mr. Lovers, sir. No, no, that's it.

We're done. Game's over. You're Troy.

I'm the owner again.

So that's how you're gonna play, huh?

No thanks, no nothing?

I mean, I've done more in an hour than you managed to do in a month. Thank you,

Troy. Okay?

Thank you very much. All right, everybody, I'm just thanking Troy.

Anybody else want to thank Troy? You want to thank Troy? Ugh, nice sarcasm.

What in the same hell's going on?

Herman, I'm going to level with you.

I'm the owner.

I own this RV park.

And the reason I didn't tell you was because my daughter is besotted with

son, and she didn't think you'd be too impressed knowing that I was the owner

an RV park.

Mal.

Mal, I know this.

I'm the mayor of Narcoossee. I know everything.

I knew you were coming even before you arrived. I make it my business to know

who's in my area.

So when we went to church, you knew that I... So what are you playing

at? What didn't you just say? Hey, you started it.

I just let it unfold to see where it would go. I have a vested interest in

finding out what kind of man you are.

My son is dating your daughter, isn't he?

Turns out...

You did pretty good.

Huh.

So you don't hate RV parks? Oh, I do. I really do.

But hey, a vote's a vote.

I'll have that septic tank up and running in no time.

And hey, free of charge.

Just for you.

We're practically family.

So Herman fixed the whole thing himself without charging us a penny. I don't

believe it. Well, let's just say that me and Herman came to an understanding.

We're off.

Hey. Hi, Conan. How are you, Mr Cumberton?

Good. Do you want a beer? Oh, thank you, sir, but I don't drink alcohol.

Oh, yeah, the old honed athlete, yeah. We're also driving.

Right. And I'm under 21, so even then. Got it.

Well, have a nice time.

Thank you, Mr Cumberton.

Enjoy the film.

Bye.

Ready?

We're going out to the beach. Two hours max.

Left some pizza in the fridge.

Bye!

What's up with the Grim Reaper?

He's fine. He's just being a teenager.

What do you want?

Stuff you got on here.

What do you call it?

Grime, UK, jungle.

Grime what?

Grime, UK, England, Britain.

Okay, okay.

Well, who mixes them?

Me, I do.

Come on, man.

Seriously.

Who mixes them? Yeah, me.

They're mine, I mix that.

I don't believe you.

Why are we all on top of each other?

Do we have to

park here?

Pretty central.

Great view.

You see?

I was right.

It's a swing band.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Cheers.

Chili bingo.

Excuse me.

Hey there, can we have two colas?

Two hot dogs, french fries, and an ice cream fountain to share.

Please. Hot dogs with or without onion?

Without.

I'll be right with you.

You don't have these in England, do you?

No, it's too cold.

Didn't think you'd come up to me.

Great. I'm done.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna take the bread in.

What'd you call this?

Can I get done?

What? Can I get done?

Oh look, here we go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wow.

The kids are fine. Kids are fine.

Park's coming along.

It could all just work out okay, you know.

The only thing is, on Saturday night, are you

sure? May I ask your beautiful wife for a dance?

You can have a kid.

Kappa.

Tuscan leather.

Yeah, dip it on a bit, yeah. Oh, I know.

And on you?

It is magnificent.

Well, thank you.

Magnificent.

Tuscan leather.

Not tonight.

What did he say? Oh, I couldn't possibly repeat it, but it was quite specific

and very obscene.

Come on, let's get out of here, do our own thing.

I'd invite you in for a couple, but it looks like Freddy's still up.

Actually, I want to ask you something, if that's okay.

Pretty personal.

Yeah, of course.

Actually, I want to give you something.

What?

Tina.

Yeah?

Will you be my partner in purity?

Sorry, you what? My partner in purity?

In... Purity.

Purity. See, I have one. We both have a ring.

Sorry, what is a partner in purity? We don't have those in England.

Oh, it's great. We, you and me, we both agree to be sexually pure together.

Sexually pure?

In thought, word, and deed.

People ask us if we swing.

And we say, honey, no we don't.

Whoa,

whoa, whoa, stop it.

What if somebody comes along?

What if they don't?

Come on.

Look,

they glint in the moonlight.

This whole purity thing, how long does it last for?

Oh, right, yeah.

Until you're married.

So, until after college, and you get a job, and can, well, afford to be

That's like... six years.

Right, yeah. But we'll be having all kinds of fun, just like tonight. Because

we've had a blast tonight, right? Yeah.

What about kissing? Can we kiss?

Oh, sure. We can do anything we don't mind doing in front of our parents.

Holding hands, dry kissing's fine.

Is it?

Oh, yeah. It's better than fine. It's the best. Because when true love waits,

it's wonderful.

Sand, sand. Sand?

Sand, sand, stop. Oh, sand.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

What are you trying to do, buff me up with several grades? It's like, it's

sex with sandpaper. Oh.

Sorry. Oh.

Oh. Come on.

Shall we go and see?

Yeah. Come on, let's finish what we started.

Yeah. Right.

Okay.

Help me up.

Babies, please.

Please, let's wake up.

I know that you find English women and your favorite perfume irresistible, but

you broke the rules. You know you did. And you know what that means. Get up.

Casper, zero points for self -restraint.

Equal, accept punishment or double the penalty.

Punishment accepted.

Okay.

Well, then get on.

Maybe your punishment starts now.

You wait in a motel on your own.

So,

are we

still in business?

Wrong game of your game.

See if it was...