All language subtitles for Its Garry Shandlings s03e17 Going, Going, Gone

Thank you.

Thank you. We have a big show tonight.
That's, of course, why we didn't keep

waiting.

No, the audience had to wait a little
bit because there was just a throng of

people trying to get in here tonight
because...

Tonight is the night, of course, when
Sheena Easton and I go whale watching

together.

It's a huge night.

This is the biggest night we've had here
in a

long time. Why, look, all my blood is
rushed to my new white shirt.

Thank you. I thought of that right
before I walked on.

And it's great to see you. There's a We
Love You Sheena. We have a lot of big

Sheena Easton fans. Sheena rocks.

Can we go look at the... Do I have time
to go just quickly to the audience?

I'm going to go... Just let me go
quickly, and we'll just talk to some of

This is Chester, our cameraman, and he's
such a big Sheena fan that he's wearing

his Sheena shirt.

He wore that two weeks ago when we had
Charlie Sheen on the show.

Hello, you guys.

You look very nice.

Look at you.

Let's see. You're all Sheena Ethan fans.

How you doing, pal?

What is your name?

Kevin. Kevin Quinn. Kevin Quinn. Where
are you from, Kevin?

Originally Ohio, Irvine right now. Well,
that's really fascinating.

Sheena Easton fan?

I'm probably her biggest fan.

Well, that's great. Great to have you.

Her and who?

Metallica. Well, I can see how those
would go together.

And what have you got here? What is this
here, ma 'am? What is that? Oh, this is

just... No, you don't have... Would you
like to stand?

This is just one of the albums I have
from my

Sheena Easton collection of memorabilia.
Oh, take your time.

Take your time. We can go right into the
next show if we need to.

Oh, well, let me sit down in your seat.

Sit down.

Sit down.

Do you have any albums of me?

No, no, I didn't think so. I'll send you
a couple. Would you like that?

No, I must. I must die.

You're not going to get billed for this.
This isn't like if you don't send a

thing back, I'm going to end up sending
another one, and then it's like a

subscription thing.

You've been here before, haven't you?
Because I come up to the audience, and

you've been here, haven't you? Yes, I
have. Stand up.

I have.

I'm Paula Hanlon. Paula Hanlon.

And, yes, I was here last week, and I
enjoyed myself very much. Well, good for

you. But when I heard that Tina Easton
was going to be on, I...

I made a big U -turn and rushed right
back here to Chairman Oaks. Thank you

doing that, Paul.

Thank you. Thank you. The fact that you
drive frightens me.

It's good to have you here. You have a
wonderful time because you're here on a

great night. This is actually the show
where we're going to premiere Sheena's

new video.

Are you guys ready for that?

This is the theme to Gary's show.

The opening theme to Gary's show. This
is the music that you hear as you watch

the credits.

We're almost to the part of where I
start to whistle. Then we'll watch the

Sandling show.

This was the theme to Gary Sandling's
show.

I've been looking through these. These
are actually whale flashcards.

So when you go whale watching, you learn
to identify whales, which is great.

It's a little senseless because you've
got to kind of hold it right up next to

the whale and go.

No.

And, you know, that takes all that. You
know, by that time, you're dead,

basically. But the best thing about
these whale cards is with each pack, you

a stick of blubber gum.

That's right. Shot at my house.

Someone's at the door. Don't get up.

I'll get it.

Oh, I hope it's a bull. What with my
matador shirt.

Oh, hey, Marshall.

Hi, Gary.

Hi.

Come on in.

What do you... This is... For those of
you who haven't been watching lately, I

recently became a big brother to little
Marshall here. I know what you're

thinking. Did they drop all their
standards?

That's right.

The truth is that I just have a permit.

Marshall, where's your mother? What's
going on?

She thinks I'm at my friend Freddy's
house. Oh.

So can we talk freely?

Oh, sure. No one's watching.

What's up?

My mom says I have to take violin
lessons.

But I want to play baseball instead. I
can understand that.

Well, can't you do both?

Can't you tell your mom you want to do
both?

He won't let me.

Gary? Huh? Can you please talk to my mom
for me?

Well, I could. I could do that.

I once had to talk to my mom about it.

I wanted to play Little League baseball.
My mom wanted me to take violin

lessons. So I held the baseball bat
under my chin.

The boy's right. That's a funny joke.

Can I have another juicy juice?

Another one? Yeah, just keep them
coming. Just keep them coming.

I can't get enough of these. I'll tell
you this right now. These things only

have 10 % real fruit juice in them, so I
figure if I have 10, I'm in great

shape.

That same reason I had 50 glasses of 2 %
milk this morning.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Boy, now... So we've already had a lot
of small talk. Now comes that awkward

time when I have to broach the subject
of Marshall playing Little League

Baseball.

Well, Marshall sure stinks at the
violin, doesn't he?

Jerry! He does not!

No, it's not that he's bad, it's just...
Sounds to me, you know, like his time

would be better spent playing something
like Little League Baseball. Something

outside, you know, where the sound can
dissipate. Oh,

I see now what is going on. Yes, I am no
dumb cookie.

Marshall spoke to you about me not
letting him play Little League. Yeah, he

But why won't you let him play?

Well, look, Gary, I've given this a lot
of thought. Really, I have. And, well...

Marshall's just not a very good baseball
player, and he's a very sensitive

little boy, and I don't want the other
kids making fun of him. Oh, you get used

to that.

Believe me.

I'm serious. I'm serious, too. I just
think you're being a little overly

protective. You know, it's a great thing
for kids to do. Well, maybe I am being

overprotective, but... Gary, listen. I
appreciate everything you've done.

Really, I do. Uh -huh.

Right. But you're only here one day a
week, you know? I'm here every day.

Unless you're willing to make a bigger
commitment, I really just don't think

have the right to interfere with my
decision.

Well, you know, I understand a lot about
commitment, and that you're here all

the time, and I know how, you know,
tough it is to be a mom and all, so I

blame you, you know.

My mother, you know, when I was, I
wanted to play Little League Baseball,

mother wanted me to play the violin, you
know.

So to make her happy, I held the bat
under my chin so that everyone was happy

and she would come.

And, you know.

One day, Yasha Heifetz came down to the
field.

I was second string at the time, and
I...

Remember, I got this bad rap and I was
out for the season.

You have been a great audience.

You have really been a great audience.
And I should really just get going.

There's probably a lot of other
comedians coming on soon. And I can tell

vomiting because my shirt is blushing.

It's a blue whale. No. It's a killer
whale. No. It's a shark. It's a cat. I

don't know what it is.

It's Shamu.

Gary. It's really the whale. I don't
know what it is. You are the only whale

-watching machine at Eton. You better
know this stuff. Oh, like she's going to

get them all right.

You know, I just can't get Marshall out
of my mind. The boy should be playing

Little League baseball.

That's all. That's why I can't
concentrate on this. Well, you know what

said. Oh, yeah. Well, Lucy says I should
make a bigger commitment to the boy,

which I'm willing to do. I just don't
know if I can devote that kind of time.

You know, after all, I have to do this
show. I have this show to do. I don't

know if I can... Yeah, all right. Well,
that takes up a half an hour of the

week.

What about the rest of your time? Don't
start with this. It seems to you it's

only a half hour. That's all. But
there's a lot of preparation time, a lot

winding down time. You know I have those
showers, that hair. You know, it takes

a lot of time.

You know, Walt the mailman puts in a 40
-hour week, which is incidentally 80

times the amount you put in. And he
manages to have plenty of time for his

family.

Walt the mailman is a genius.

Walt works for the government.

I don't know. Trust me, Gary, I'm
telling you, it really is possible to

family and a job. No, I know. I think
it's something I should try.

Well, I think it'd be good for you. And
I think it'd be good for Marshall,

because I think it'd be good for him to
spend more time around a man. And I

think I'm that man.

Okay, I could be that man.

I might be a man.

I'll bring a man. I'll bring Walt.

Hi, this will just take a second.

I've really been thinking about what you
said, and I just wanted to ask you

something.

Look, if I really make a bigger
commitment to Marshall and spend more

him, you know, whenever he needs it, and
I go to baseball practice with him, and

I'm there whenever he needs me, would
you let him play Little League baseball

then? Gary, you'd do that?

Yeah. Really?

Uh -huh.

Oh. Gary, if you would do that, of
course I'd let him play. That's great.

That's great. Gary, he is going to be so
thrilled. I know. This is so exciting.

Now, try out for tomorrow, okay?

Gary?

Well, Gary, I'm sure Sheena Eastern will
understand if you cancel.

Oh, right. A big star like that just
say, hey, no mammals today.

Right.

She'll take that just in stride, no
getting around it.

All right, you're right, you're right.
I've got to stick with my commitment to

Marshall. I'll just call Sheena Easton,
and I'll get it over with right now, and

that way everything will work out well.

You know, since I promised that Sheena
Easton was going to be on the show, the

least I can do is I'll call her on the
speakerphone so you can hear the

conversation.

Hi, this is Sheena Easton.

I'm not home right now.

What a pro. She even pauses for applause
on her answering machine.

I'm out scraping barnacles off my boat
for my whale -watching trip with Gary

Shandling that I've been looking forward
to for weeks.

Leave a message, and I'll call back
later. Bye.

Hi, Sheena.

This is Gary Shandling.

And I just called.

I don't know if you recall. We were
supposed to go whale watching, which,

know, you can do just about any day of
the week when you think about it.

And it looks like I'm not going to be
able to make it, and I feel real bad

it. So I'll give you a call back, and
we'll do it another time.

All right?

Okay.

You guys understand, don't you?

Gotta throw it to me.

Attaboy.

Right here.

Good one.

Good one.

Atta boy. What the hell are we watching
here?

Oh! Come on, Tom.

Well, these people have the right idea.

Atta boy.

Okay. Okay.

Oh, no.

I'll get it. I'll get it.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, Paula.

Yes, Gary?

Where's everybody going?

Oh, I'm sorry, Gary, but you promised
us, Gina Easton. But you saw what

happened. Come on. Don't remind us,
Gary. Oh, Paula.

Come on, Gary.

Let's play some more baseball.

All right, all right.

Okay, here we go, Marshall. Come on,
concentrate now.

I see.

Yeah.

Atta boy.

Atta boy.

Good one.

Sheena.

What are you doing here?

Didn't you get my message?

You're not going to poop out on me, are
you? No, I... Don't please, don't say

poop in front of the young boy.

Seriously. I called you. I can't go away
watching with you because I have to

practice Little League with Marshall. I
promised him. I hope you understand.

You're going to teach him?

I'm going to teach him. I'm teaching him
how to play Little League baseball. I'm

helping him out. You throw like a girl.

I do not throw. Well, with my glove
hand, I do. But now when I throw with

hand, come on.

Don't make fun of me. I've had a bad
day. My audience.

Just walked out on me. I can't believe
it. It's just been horrible. Tell you

what, you go talk to your audience, and
I'll teach Marshall, okay?

You can't teach.

You can't teach Marshall. Better than
you. No way.

Come on, Marshall.

Don't spit.

Don't. Go.

Ready?

Abbott Ackerman, Adams.

Audience, here we go. This must be where
the audience lives.

Who is it?

It's Gary. Gary Shandling.

You with the boy?

No.

All right, then. Come on in.

It's the third floor, apartment five.

Apartment five.

Wish me luck.

She looks smaller than that. I think
she's lying. Nice place.

I didn't know the audience was doing so
well.

So now what happens?

They even have it tiered like my studio.

Do you guys have fish?

Look, I just wanted to talk to you for a
second. All right? All right, all

right, all right. But look, make it
fast.

We're about to vote on Love Connection.

Take it easy.

Just take it easy.

You know, you guys did not give me a
chance to explain when you walk out.

all. You chose the boy over us.

Yeah, we don't just laugh now. We have
other feelings, too. The boy has

feelings, too. That wasn't an easy
decision for me to make, whether to go

the boy or with Sheena Easton. I know
how much you guys wanted to see Sheena.

I've never been so disappointed in all
my life.

Oh, boo -hoo -hoo, Paula Hanlon.

Isn't it time you grew up? Well, she
yelled at me. And that goes for the rest

you, too.

Just calm down.

And you know what the ironic thing is?
The ironic thing is, is if you guys had

stayed, you would have seen Sheena
Easton anyway.

She showed up right after you left.

I'll bet she's still there.

I'll bet. Let's just take a look and see
what's on my show.

have seen on his show we could have seen
her only we've been more patient all

right all right look look you know
what's done is done all right so uh

we all learned a lesson and maybe next
time you'll you know give me and my show

a chance all right just don't be so
quick to react like that i mean it you

know you ever go to some other show
they're not going to be so light on you

I can't leave yet. I was going to leave.
I've got to talk to them for a little

while longer, so I'll see you in the
next scene.

All right?

You miss my red shirt, don't you?

Look, I just wanted to talk to you guys
for a second.

Okay, here's where we are in the story.

Three hours have passed, I swear.

Believe me, I've been up there talking
to the audience for three whole hours,

and it went great. I think we got to
know each other a little better. We

understand each other.

And I even did their dishes for them.

That's right. Now, here's the really
good part. The really good part is that

ended up calling Sheena Easton while I
was up there, and I asked her if I could

bring some friends along when we go
whale watching.

And she said, sure, you sure can.

So here we are at the dock.

Oh, oh, is that one?

Gary,

this is your audience, isn't it?

No, these are all friends.

They're all personal friends of mine.

And they all love you very much. Don't
you, everybody?

Oh, yeah!

Everybody loves you when you own a boat,
right?

Remember, we're on a whale watch, so if
you see any pike or flounder, ignore

them.

Well, of course, we can't ignore that
Marshall's wearing his Little League

uniform, so he made the team.

The Robins.

Anyway. Oh, if you're wondering about
tonight's show, don't worry. All of our

camera people are getting hazard pay
tonight.

Take a look.

Yeah. There they go.

You guys watch out for those mines.

And if you're wondering about my other
friends and my mom, well, don't worry.

They're over here. Ahoy, mateys.

He doesn't put us into the show.

And then he makes us sit in a dumb
little dinghy.

Cut the line, Captain.

Cut the line.

Well, that's our show.

Good night, everybody.

Hope you enjoyed. It's Gary Channing
Show.