All language subtitles for Instant Mom s03e25 Gone Batty

Yeah, they didn't have these 3D puzzles
when I was a kid. Now we can have our

own Empire State Building.

Yeah, it's pretty amazing.

But it's missing something.

For the 97th time, we're not getting a
monkey.

Oh, look, honey. We've been working on
this all day. I bet we'll be done

tomorrow. Oh, great.

We get our dinner table back. There's a
new casserole I want to try making

tonight. On second thought, maybe we
need one more day just to...

Have, you know, just one more day.

Hi, hi, hi.

No, no, no.

Get that thing away from me.

What is wrong with you? It's a puzzle,
not a bucket of water.

Puzzles are evil. They bring bad luck.

What kind of backwoods nonsense?

You know what? We're not even going to
go there with you. Right, buddy?

Right.

What are puzzles? Bad luck, Grandma
Maggie.

Well, let's start with my Aunt Rose.

A puzzle put her in the ground.

And you were going to make us miss this.

Mom, just because Aunt Rose died doing a
puzzle does not mean some evil puzzle

killed her. Then how do you explain the
corner piece lodged in her esophagus?

They also found stuffing from a couch
cushion.

Exactly. That woman once ate... Whole
way through a furniture showroom.

Never had a problem.

Puzzles.

Oh, good.

My contract came in from the Vaughn
Wright Sweet 16.

I don't want to be crass, but even if I
got paid in hundreds, I could still make

it rain.

Sweet 16 for rich kids. Mark my RSVPS.

I'll order the steak. We'll decide a
sports car.

You're not invited. But I bring all
this.

Well, we'll muddle through without all
of that.

Come on. I've seen it on TV. Rich
parents give out crazy party favors.

think money is love.

Speaking of which, Dad, I'm not feeling
the love.

I can use about 20 loves.

I already gave all my love to Gabby.

I could not believe you said that to the
library lady. She hates you now. Hey,

if you don't want people thinking you're
pregnant, don't be rocking a momo. Hey,

everybody.

Hey, honey.

Noah!

You guys are back together?

I miss you.

No, no, no.

We're still broken up.

Oh, then this is a little awkward.

Yeah.

That's a good color on you.

Noah.

Just a friend lending a friend a book.
Thank you, friend.

I'll see you at school.

Bye, everyone.

Bye -bye.

Okay,

I'm gonna go do homework.

Uh, hold on.

We need to talk about this.

Uh -oh.

Relationship talk.

Run for it.

Uh, friends with the neck?

Don't go there.

We already went there.

It's been nice.

Yeah, but it doesn't work when you're in
high school. You start out as friends,

but someone always ends up following
someone to college and crying outside

dorm until their mother has to come and
pick me up.

These ideas are amazing, Stephanie.

I'm sure it will make our sweet 16
unforgettable.

You mean my sweet 16.

Your name's on the cake, Bianca, but my
name's on the check.

Okay.

Since the theme is ocean fantasy and you
said money is not an object, I was

thinking Bianca enters on a ship made of
tulips.

No, no, tulips are ugly.

We will not have ugliness at Bianca's
party.

Well, then, we'll have to uninvite the
Betancourts.

If we drop the Betancourts, we'll have
room for Rick.

He's my boyfriend.

Oh, nice.

What's Rick's last name?

Mooch.

Rick Mooch. Is that spelled with two O's
or a U with the dots over it?

That's not his actual name. He's not her
boyfriend, and he is not... coming to

this party.

Now that that's settled, a little bad
news.

The country club will not let us put a
dolphin in the pool. Cute as they are,

sometimes they don't respect boundaries.

Hey, Steph.

Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt.

Mr. and Mrs. Fun Ride, Bianca. This is
my daughter, Gabby, and her friend,

Hi. Nice to meet you. You like the
plastic cars?

I was supposed to go to the show last
weekend, but my little sister had a

recital, and I never missed those.

Aw, what a nice, thoughtful young man.

Well, we should be going.

Stephanie, email us the budget.

Hey, the plastic cars are doing a secret
show tonight. Want to go? Do you think

we could get in?

Probably.

It's in our backyard.

Well, hello there.

You must be the McWitches? The Von
Reitz.

Whatever, you know.

A party is only as good as its party
favors.

You should go big. I'm thinking each
guest gets a leather jacket.

Ooh, there's an idea.

I'll text you Donatella's number.

Did you hear that? I'm getting a leather
jacket. James, you're not going.

This party has to be perfect.

And I can't have you running rampant all
over the gifting suite.

There's a...

Once we glue the puzzle, we can take
turns keeping it in our room.

Maggie, what did you do?

This wouldn't have happened if we had a
monkey guarding it.

It wasn't my fault. A bat flew in here
when I was going through your wine.

I tried to hit it with your dumb
building, but it got away.

There's no bat in here. You just wanted
to destroy our puzzle because of your

stupid superstition.

You believe me, don't you, baby? I want
to.

But you have a history.

What's with him? Your mom ruined our
puzzle.

A bat ruined your puzzle.

Yeah, a crazy old one.

Penelope wants to add to the guest list.

This party just gets bigger and bigger,
and those are my commission.

Hey!

Okay, let's see.

She's adding the mayor, three vegans,
and... And Bianca's new boyfriend, Noah

Miller. Hmm.

Noah Miller?

That's your Noah. I guess he's Bianca's
Noah now. Are you cool with it?

Totally. I told you, Noah and I are
friends, and it's working.

This is going to be trouble. You can't
be friends with your ex.

I keep track of all of my exes.

Really? How else am I going to make sure
I'm 100 feet away?

Oh, and I forgot to tell you, my mom
wants to cancel the shrimp. Oh, cancel

shrimp? We want to do caviar.

Would it be weird if I hug you?

Don't answer that.

I'll just go and run the numbers.

I don't know if it's your birthday or
mine.

Hey, babe.

I was just thinking about you.

Forget what my mom says, Rick. I want
you at my party.

Look, it's all taken care of. I got this
Noah chump to think he's my boyfriend.

They'll be so happy I'm with him, they
won't notice me sneaking away to be with

you. Mom, Mrs. Phillips is flexible. She
can handle all of the changes.

Bye.

I've got to go. Thanks.

Oh, and my mom wants to double the
number of valets and dress them all in

tuxedos. Is that okay?

overheard Bianca. She's pretending to
date Noah so she can speak around with

some guy named Rick. Gabby, if you're
his friend, keep out of his business.

if you're my friend, keep his business
out of my business.

What are you talking about, Stephanie?
We have to do something.

Or, and I'm just spitballing here, we
don't.

Not until the party's over and the check
clears.

In the meantime, I have to go get napkin
rings. Stephanie, how can you worry

about napkin rings when Noah's about to
get his heart broken?

Ah, there, Fabergé.

I want to make sure that my party
favorite leather jacket is the right

you measure my inseam?

James, the inseam is for your pants.

We're getting leather pants, too?

I'm going to look like Tom Jones.

Dad says the ladies love Tom Jones.

Sorry,

my finger slipped.

What are you doing with an air horn?

Bats don't like loud noises.

Man, you are really working that bat
story. Just admit you broke that puzzle.

Just admit you liked that boy.

Well, I don't. And I didn't. But you
did. Shut up. You shut up.

Just take your fake bat hunt somewhere
else. I want to talk to Noah.

About how much you love him. Get out!

Hey. Hey.

Come on in. Have a seat.

You sounded weird on the phone.

What's going on?

I'm just going to come out with it.

Bianca's using you. She's got some
secret boyfriend named Rick, and she's

you as a cover so her parents won't find
out.

Bianca told me all about Rick. Her
parents tried to force her to go out

him, but she followed her heart.

Pick me.

What? That's the opposite of... Oh,
she's good.

Look, Noah, you can't go to that party.

That's not really your business.

As long as you're my friend, it's my
business.

You're not acting like my friend.

you're ordering me around i'm not
ordering you around i'm telling you what

dump bianca and blow off her party gabby
i thought you wanted to be friends you

can't be doing this jealous ex
-girlfriend thing i'm out

special for Bianca.

Where's the antidote? How long do I
have?

They're not poison.

But she stole your man's. Grandma Maggie
says you can't abide that.

And Noah and I are just friends, and I
don't like to see my friends get used.

So I took Stephanie's phone and texted
Bianca. When she comes over, I'm going

gently coax the truth out of her lying,
cheating face.

Or, as long as you're stealing phones,
just steal Bianca's. That way you can

show Noah proof.

How do I know there's going to be
anything on her phone? Girls have

on their phone. By the way, here's your
phone.

Gabby, Gabby, Gabby.

Hey, Bianca.

Where's Stephanie?

She texted me that there's an ice
sculpture problem because of global

Oh, that all got handled.

But, since you're here...

Maybe we can talk about our mutual
friend, Noah.

I don't think we should.

He told me that you called me a cheating
liar.

Oh. In public school, that's a
compliment.

By the way, you look stank.

We're bonding.

Cookies?

No, thanks. I just had my teeth
whitened.

Really? Looks like they missed it,
Bonnie. You're fangy. The bathroom's

there if you want to check it out.

Boom, boom, boom.

Dad's right. No one needs a purse this
big.

Gabby, what are you doing and where did
you get that bag?

Uh, it's mine. I bought it.

That's a $3 ,000 bag with Bianca Von
Wright stitched inside.

I was dumpster diving behind her house.

I also found three show ponies in a
Picasso.

That's the lamest story I've ever heard.

I'm not going to stand here and debate
it with you, Stephanie.

got three ponies to feed.

Okay, she's in the bathroom.

I'm trying to get her phone so I can get
proof that she's cheating on Noah.

Wow, you're really not over him.

I am over him. I'm just trying to keep
him from being humiliated at that stupid

party. Oh, don't drag my party into your
mess of a private life.

My private life is a mess because of
your party.

Gabby, put down that bag. You're acting
nuts. I am not acting nuts. Now go lock

Bianca in the bathroom.

Is that my purse?

Is it yours?

I thought it was mine.

So, my boyfriend is yours. My purse is
yours.

Is there anything else of mine that you
want?

I wouldn't be mad at that. Trust fun.

Stay away, puzzle killer.

Ain't nobody going near your evil old
bad lump.

Besides, only took the dead one.

Those are the best. They're easier to
hug.

Maggie, stop with the made -up bat.

It is not made up. According to the
Internet, it is a Pennsylvania brown

and you must remove it humanely. And so
we are going to lure it with the bugs

and then humanely hit it with a frying
pan.

Why don't you just paint a tunnel on the
wall and let it fly through?

Something, Charlie. I got half of mine
to quit coming over here. Oh, how do we

get the other half on board?

Guys! Move out the way, baby.

I'm about to hit your daddy with my bat
pan. My bat pan.

Guys!

It's spectacular. I can practically hear
the waves.

Don't you just love our costume?

I'm not sure what I'm looking at.

I'm the millionaire.

And his wife.

It's funny because we're actually
billionaires.

We should get you to some caviar while I
adjust my final invoice.

Okay, we got in. I can't believe nobody
saw us running across the golf course.

You go hunt for Bianca's phone while I
hunt for treasure in the gifting suite.

Oh, fuck!

Love that dress!

James, I thought you said I'd blend in.
You should have told me to dress hot

like a sexy mermaid.

Yeah, as your brother, there's a lot of
words in that sentence I'm never going

to say to you.

I like this song.

You want to dance?

Yeah, I'd love to.

for an hors d 'oeuvre.

We don't have a tray.

Oh. I wonder where I dropped it.

Gabby? Is that you?

Nope. Not me. Gotta go.

Gabby.

You're gonna want some butter with that.

You sure you saw that bat come in here?

I think so.

Maybe.

My eyes are closed.

How are you gonna help me find the bat?

an understanding.

I don't look for him.

He don't look for me.

Charlie! Aaron!

The box in the kitchen!

She said it's in the kitchen. I heard
her.

It escaped and flew out the back door.

You talk too slow.

Gabby! Of course. When I heard a lobster
crash the party, I thought, please let

it be someone else's kid. But in my
heart, I knew it wasn't.

Why are you here?

Is this about Noah?

That's what Noah would like to know.

I think I was right.

You're not over me.

That's it.

I'm not over you.

Bring it in for a hug. Just let me get
that purse out of my way. Daddy, we're

friends. That's all.

Got it. Got it. Totally fine.

Let's hug on that. No, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I understand this breakup has been hard
on you. You know what? Don't be an

idiot. Just give me the purse. The only
way I can show you I'm not a jealous ex

-girlfriend is to get Bianca's phone and
prove she's two -timing you.

I can handle this.

I'll wire $5 ,000 into your account if
you never see my daughter again.

Nice try. You don't know my Rick.

Right, Rick?

Rick?

Oh, man!

See, Seth? I told you I was right. You
can be friends with a man. Uh -huh.

That's exactly what I want to talk about
at the biggest party of my career.

I've got a damaged control to make
riches. Get this red -hot mess out of my

were looking out for me.

That's a friend's deal.

Tell me the truth.

You haven't thought about you and me at
all?

Nope. Good, because you're a lot of
work.

If that's settled, help me find my tail.
This thing's a rental.

I'm so sorry.

I hope this doesn't affect our business
relationship.

Not at all. You gave a wonderful party.
But I am going to have to deduct what

the octopus took.

Take your time, Steph.

I gotta make two trips.