All language subtitles for Instant Mom s03e21 Dollar Sign

Come on, this car is perfect. Gabby,
it's way more than we said we'd pay. The

rest of these cars are also used.

Yeah, but they're new to you.

Besides, these cars have character.

Gabby, you're lucky. I had to buy my own
first car, and it only turned left.

I never did make it to school.

Well, I did have my eye on that sporty
little black number over there.

That's my car.

I'll take it.

How about a little gratitude?

We are buying you a car.

I am grateful. I just prefer to be
grateful in something where the seats

go all the way across.

You two fight this out while I go talk
to the sales guy about, you know, safety

stuff, fuel efficiency.

Maybe sneak a few of those disgusting
donuts.

You don't know me.

Those donuts have been there since this
was a Saturn lock.

Saturn, that's your old car reference?

My therapist is right.

You are too young for me.

Charlie, stay away from those donuts.
You'll get sick.

Fine.

I'll just go look at loan information.

That loan information better not have
sprinkles.

Gabby, find another car or we're going.

Gabby? I thought I smelled vanilla body
scrub.

Stuart, what are you doing here? You
better not be following me again. I

follow you. We just so happen to go to
the same school and grocery store and

your driveway.

Anyway, I'm here helping my dad. He owns
this lot.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

Yeah, I'll probably end up running this
place someday. Maybe pass it on to our

kids.

You stay here.

I'm going to go walk through your car
wash.

I can't believe you knocked that donut
out of my hand.

I told you not to test me.

Can't we just get the good car?

You're a doctor, Dad. You could buy this
whole lot if you wanted. I'm a doctor,

not the king of the doctors.

You're telling me you can't afford to
buy this car? Keep up the attitude, and

you're going to walk out of here without
a car.

Which would be sad, because I got me a
car. I got me a car, too. How's your

My car runs great. It's new.

Why can't I get a new one? I'm newer
than either of you.

You know what?

Let's go test drive that car you like.

Really? Yeah.

I want to see how it handled me running
you over.

Hey.

Grandma Maggie.

Have I ever told you that you have
gorgeous calves?

Calves. Boy, you've asked for so many
things, you've run out of parts of me to

compliment.

We want you to buy us an educational
video game.

It's called Cannibal Safari.

We'll also need you to buy us three more
controllers.

We're party mode.

Party mode.

Oh, that sounds like fun.

No.

But your grandma buying our love is like
your one job.

He is not wrong about those cats.

Have you been doing squats?

Family meeting, now.

We're getting a little sick of the
attitude toward money in the house.

Would now be a bad time to ask you to
chip in on gas.

Seriously? You want us to pay just for
you to come over here?

Here?

Atlantic City?

Well... We've noticed a disturbing trend
with you three

lately. You don't earn anything, so you
feel entitled to everything.

Well, from now on, I am no longer made
of money. What happened?

Hospital let you go?

Gotta be quicker with those paddles,
man.

No, they're saying we have to get jobs.

Okay, fine. I'll just keep doing what
I'm doing.

President of the Gummy Bear Society.

Sweetie, that's not work or real.

Obviously, you've never been to one of
our meetings.

First I lose my car, and then you want
me to get a job?

You guys are so unfair.

Gabby, I will not have you acting all
spoiled. We gave you a budget. If you

that fancier car, earn the difference.
End of discussion.

We can't even talk about it? Nope.

Meeting adjourned.

At the Gummy Bear Society, we take a
vote.

All right, sweetie. We need you to shake
out all the coats, wipe down the rack,

and throw out those boxes in the back.

Back of the closet.

You send a child to the back of the
closet.

If that child wants to earn his three
dollars.

Okay. But if I don't make it out of
there, feed the turtle I'm hiding under

bed. But if I do make it out, I was
lying about the turtle.

We need to borrow some of that stuff y
'all keep beside your refrigerator.

You want our wine? If you're offering.

We're having a mixer for Doris from our
prayer circle.

Yeah.

Prayers didn't work.

Her husband lived.

Hey, guys. Here you are. Did you figure
out how you're going to earn some money?

That might have been a thought. Here,
Barry.

Is that the Meharry's dog?

They named that dog Barry Meharry.

That's animal cruelty.

What are you doing with the dog?

Walking it? Grooming it? Beating it?
Hmm. All viable options I did not think

I just figured once they notice he's
missing, they'll offer some kind of

Boy, what is wrong with you? You can't
just kidnap someone's dog. This is what

happens when children have unstructured
time.

Maybe if we structured it around, say,
Cannibal Safari, the best game ever.

You know, I have a grandson about your
age with a birthday coming up. I was

going to get him knitting classes, but
do you think this game would be better?

If you got him that game, you'd be the
coolest grandparent ever.

Thank you for the tip.

Thank you for the tip.

Hey, hey, hello, Grandma Maggie.

I have a lot of very valuable advice to
dispense.

Are there gonna be more coolest
grandparents at this prayer group thing?

The room is full of them.

See, the older you get, James, the more
you gotta get right with the big guy.

Now, I had to start early.

I've done some things.

Guys, guys!

I can get the car I wanted.

Oh, you got a job? Better.

Stuart got his dad to give me the family
discount. Now it's in the budget.

I'm not going to allow you to use this
boy to get a discount.

I'm not using Stuart. He's using me.

How do you figure that?

Because he's him, I'm me, and I'm giving
him the time of day.

Girl, you are not all of that. Get a
job.

Hey, I found a quarter while I was
cleaning. Can I keep it?

Absolutely. In fact, because you've been
working so hard, you can keep any money

you find.

Cool!

Because I also found this 20. Now I can
retire and spend more time with my

family.

Jeff's the person I wanted to see.

I've never been more attracted to you.

No, this stuff is for Gabby. I saw
Stuart's dad was hiring when we went to

lot, so I marched down there and got you
a job.

You start tomorrow.

I'm supposed to stand around holding a
sign?

No, that would be silly. You're supposed
to spin it dressed as Lincoln.

Fine. How hard can it be?

I hate this.

Don't worry.

It'll be easier in a mask.

Sweet fine, Gabby.

Aaron, buddy, take a seat.

We want to talk to you about the closet.

Aaron, sweetie.

When someone is paying you three whole
dollars to do a job, you need to finish

that job.

Job? Come on, Dad, that wasn't really a
job. That was just your sneaky way of

getting me to throw away Dad's old T
-shirt.

You tried to throw away my band shirts?
The New York Philharmonic is not a band.

And why did you turn this on me? Erin,
get back to work. I don't have to. I

found 20 bucks. I am stinking rich.

Aaron, sweetie, money you find isn't
worth as much as money you earn.

I may be little, but I know that's not
how money works.

Great. You're making dinner.

No. I'm hiding a $10 bill in here so
Aaron will find it when he cleans the

kitchen. Aaron thinks that finding money
in the closet was a one -time thing,

but if he keeps finding money, he'll
keep working.

That is... So manipulative.

I like it.

I love helpless grandparents.

Not the kind that fall. The kind that
give me money.

Those old people paid you for advice?

Yeah. Grandma Maggie has been
introducing me to all her prayer group

tell them how to seem cool for their
grandkids, and they give me a little

spending money for the soda pop
fountain.

James, taking advantage of grandparents
is not what we had in mind when we said

earn money.

James is being entrepreneurial.

America was built on the back of... He's
cutting you in.

So?

How do you get the smell of perfume out
of money?

Okay, I'm ready. Where should I start?
Oh, um... Uh, how about the island?

It's low to the ground. You're low to
the ground.

Wow, there's money in here!

Oh, yeah?

the kitchen.

Kids aren't getting anything out of
this. Well, your two aren't, but the one

in charge, she's out there spinning her
butt off.

Thank you, Stuart. You're doing great.
Anything for you, Kathy.

Ugh, Barbara, did you study at all? If
you want to understand your grandson,

need to be up on the current slide.

It's okay.

You're not supposed to use slang
yourself.

It sounds desperate.

But you have to understand it. So, what
does on fleek mean?

What's a fleek?

Am I swearing?

Barbara, you're killing me.

Come on, girl. It's not that hard.

On fleek is on point.

Out of damp, by way of tight, which
leads you to cool.

See?

Desperate.

Sorry, we're all out of time for today's
session. Now let's settle up.

Don't worry about it, James. Barbara is
paid in full.

Peace out, B.

Still desperate.

Now, if the customer's paying in
advance, you need to tell me, how much

get? Oh, I got something better than
money.

She gave me her handicap placard.

Now, I... I'd get the good parking at
church.

And how does that pay my bill?

Look, don't let this one slide, but cut
me out again, and I might have to cut

you loose.

Oh.

Well, then how are you gonna get
clients?

You know something?

I might have to cut you loose.

Anybody can give out your old tired
advice about how to be a cool

You couldn't. My tired advice is all the
stuff I wish you did. Oh, well, then

what do you wish I did?

Huh? Buy you some dumb computer game.

Swerve!

How about coming over here just for me?
How about, hey, James, let's go get ice

cream. You only learned my middle name
like a week ago.

I knew it.

I just forgot it.

What is it again?

You're the worst. We're done here.

Oh! Oh, you don't want to be with me?
Then I don't want to be with you. Bye,

Felicia!

Stop it! You're ruining...

Aaron, what are you doing? I gotta find
the money. I'm sure it's under the

couch.

There. See?

Nothing.

That's weird. You told Dad and his
nephew you were sore from the spring bad

But you looked in the couch.

Oh.

Right.

Flabuloid muscles.

Flabuloid. You insult me.

Fine. I got Stuart to spin the sign for
me. Please don't tell Steph.

I'm not going to tell her. Just don't
treat me like some 90s idiot.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to
go find the magical money this house

makes.

Oh, Gabby.

Glad you're here.

I want to talk to you about your job.

I just wanted to give you this.

Dice? I've decided to match all of your
earnings from this job so you can get

that fancy car sooner.

Seriously? I am so proud of you.

Your father thought you tried to weasel
out, but I said I know you better.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh, I'm
sorry. Did I hug you too hard? I know

how sore you are.

Let me go make you a smoothie.

No, no, no. I don't want you to fuss.
You've done enough for me already.

That's cold, Gabby.

My new car has heated seats.

What are you doing?

The house is full of money. Help me pry
out these floorboards.

Aaron, Aaron, sit down.

Let's talk.

I put the money in the kitchen cabinet
because I wanted to motivate you into

working. Do you mean this house isn't a
money machine?

Maybe I am an idiot.

No. No, you're not.

Yes, I am. My childhood is over.

No, no, no, no.

Hey, is there something over by that
desk? Probably just another broken

Oh, hey, look.

I just found a 20 under my shoe.

Floor must have burped it up. I knew it!
Yay! Magic money out!

I'm going to go check the roof.

Oh, no, no, no. The magic only works
indoors.

Now, I want you all to say it so I can
hear you. No, so your grandchildren can

hear you.

Colonial Williamsburg is not a vacation.

This is all just a bunch of horse hooey.

I'll never be the cool grandpa.

Have faith, Lucius.

I'd like to tell you a little story.

A story?

of Mrs. Barbara Walsh. Stand up, Babs.

Before Barbara came to me, she didn't
know her sup from her swerve.

When her grandson graduated the fourth
grade last year, well, tell the people

what she bought him.

A book.

Nonfiction.

I am pleased to announce that very same
grandson is about to receive a mini

bike.

When I told him he hugged me,

You had shingles.

What's going on here?

Sorry, Maggie, we'd stick with you, but
he knows all the answers.

Plus, we love spending time with your
grandson.

It's like he's our grandson.

James Wilson Phillips is my grandbaby!

That is not my middle name.

here just to ruin my business?

No.

If you must know, I came to take you for
some ice cream.

Wait, you came over here just for that?

Can a grandma want ice cream?

I was wrong, Grandma Maggie.

I thought you can be pretty cool.

Shut up, boy. I know that.

Don't nobody need your approval.

Come on, James Tiberius.

Philip? Nope. Fillmore. James Fillmore.
I beg you to stop trying.

This would be a really bad time for your
stepmom to bring you lunch, huh?

Seth!

Hey,

Stuart. Thank you for covering my two
-minute break.

Union thing.

Oh, please.

You've been faking this whole time?

It's cool, Mrs. Phillips.

Gabby's just using me. I've been waiting
three years for this.

It's not about him.

It's about you. And the fact that you've
gotten so entitled, you can't even spin

a sign.

I'm not entitled. I just feel I
shouldn't have to do things I don't want

It's spinning a sign.

You don't even have to spin it. You can
just hold it. Because apparently the

world revolves around you.

Steph, you're making a scene.
Everybody's looking over here.

so early.

James, you ready?

For pancakes in the water park with my
coolest grandparent? Always.

Now, I only said yes to pancakes, but I
do have a two -piece. I've been waiting

to debut, so... Okay.

Oh, I'm starving.

Maybe I can drive you guys to my fancy
new car.

Thanks again, Steph.

You're welcome. Breakfast is on me. I
found a $2 bill wrapped around the TV

remote.

We tried to teach them the value of
money, and Gabby got her fancy car

earning it.

James gets whatever he wants from my
mom, and Aaron keeps finding money

you want him to stay little forever.

Yeah, that's about right.

How did I get so bad with money in the
first place?

What is going on with our credit card?
This statement is eight pages long.

Wait up!