All language subtitles for Instant Mom s03e06 Driving Ms Crazy

What's with all the post -its?

Just jotting down some reminders.

Watch your rear.

Is this for me?

This better not be for me.

No, it's for Gabby, for her driving.

Dad, stop leaving these all over the
house.

Don't forget to signal.

Yield for pedestrians.

Don't swerve, it's not your grandma.

I wish I passed my driver's test.

You run over one squirrel and it's like
an automatic fail.

That squirrel was on the steps of the
library.

Dad, I don't need all this. You've only
had your license for two weeks. I just

want to make sure that my precious
little baby girl knows to put her hands

ten and two. Really? Because I thought
it was wrist at noon, knee at seven.

Me too.

I could be writing with her.

Touche.

Be safe.

Hey, Gabby, hold up.

How about this Saturday you drive us to
the album mall? Come, you get a little

highway time. I get 80 % off last
season's everything.

Can't Molly and I have plans to cruise
the open road? That open road better be

within a 10 -mile radius of our house
with pulling over every half hour to

me. Oh, I don't even need to pull over.
I'll just let the hitchhiker dial for

me.

You're walking on very amusing, very
thin ice.

How about we hit the outlets next
weekend? Oh, Gabby, don't forget we have

party on that Saturday. How about
Sunday? That's the second party where we

about the first party.

We'll figure something out.

Yeah, sounds good. Pencil me in for
whenever.

I'll buy the gas.

Charlie.

Ever since Gabby got her license, she
doesn't have time for me. She's just out

there, driving free.

Not as free as she thinks.

I put a tracker on that car.

Wait, that's my car.

Yeah.

Why do you get your hair done so much?

I need you to sign this. Read it first.

That's how he got custody of Aaron.

You don't own me until you're 18, I do.

Yeah, I should probably go downtown and
straighten that out.

What did you do this time?

Nothing. It's the career aptitude test
we took at school today.

I must have messed up.

Uh -oh. What did they say you should be?

Doctor. I know, right?

I was hoping I'd get billionaire.

No, no.

Doctor is great. You could be a surgeon
like your old man.

Or to be a billionaire, like a
billionaire.

I change my name to James Mo Money
Phillips and jump off my gold -plated

and to see a supermodel.

You're not going to believe this. I just
got a ticket for running a stop sign.

Gabby! It wasn't my fault. It was
totally hidden by trees.

Dad, isn't there something we can do?

Sure. First hand me the keys.

Now what?

Now get used to walking.

didn't see that coming charlie said the
sign was blocked well she'll have a real

clear view of it from the sidewalk your
driving privileges are over dad that's

so unfair you're completely overreacting
you ran a stop sign despite my post -it

saying don't run a stop sign i wasn't
sure you were ready to drive and this

proves you're not but i already told
molly we do girls day saturday okay how

about this we let gabby drive as long as
i'm in the car supervising How about

you supervise her on the way to get some
walking shoes? I'll get it, Dad.

Charlie, she'll be getting more
practice, and I'll be watching her until

feel that she's ready.

Well, that's going to be a nuisance to
you, isn't it? Oh, not at all.

I don't mind a little extra girl time.

Okay, fine.

Fine.

Thanks, Steph.

Give me that ticket, and I'll take care
of it.

Thanks, Dad.

This is a parking ticket.

Oh, yeah.

That one's something about a wheelchair.
I don't know. Here you go.

Look, Molly, I know Steph coming with us
wasn't part of the plan, but she

promised she'd be cool.

I'll be cool.

You girls have your day. I am not even
here. I'm just going to sit back with my

magazine and catch up on my current
events.

Oh, Cobalt Blue Eyeshadow is back in.

You know what? I ain't doing that. I
don't care what they say.

Um, Steph, you not here is a lot like
you here.

Oh.

After reading What's Trendy.

Oh, carbs are in.

But they go straight to my butt.

Oh, big butts are in.

This is my mom.

All right, everyone's buckled.

Check the mirrors, garage door open.

Don't want to make that mistake again.

So, you're going to tell Dad about how
well I'm doing, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're good.

So, where should we go?

Let's go to Froyo Hut.

This guy Jeremy works there, and he
still hasn't returned my text.

What did you text him? I never want to
talk to you again.

Or we could go to the movies.

Nah, it'll be dark, so we won't be able
to tell if boys are there.

Okay, I've got to say something.

All this stuff about boys.

Shouldn't you spend Girls' Day doing
something for yourself?

I like archery.

I was talking about treating you girls
to mani -pedis.

Really, Steph?

Thanks. That'd be awesome.

Oh, afterwards, remind me I need to pick
up your dad's dry clean. I thought we

weren't supposed to worry about boys
today.

You're right.

Let that man pick up his own sweater
vest. Yeah.

But remind me to do it tomorrow because
I promised.

This is so hard. Do we have to hem all
of Gabby's pants?

Yes, we have to shorten the left side of
everything Gabby owns.

Pants, shirt.

jackets, everything.

That way, she'll think she's getting
lopsided.

You're an evil genius.

Where do you get these ideas?

This one came to me in a dream.

Hey, boys.

James, I got something for you.

Who wants to learn all the bones in the
body?

I do, because I'm going to be a doctor.

like James. No bones about it.

Uh, Dad, we're kind of busy.

Well, what are you up to?

Just enjoying that fine puppet show.

And we're hemming Gabby's pants.

But you didn't hear that from me.

Dude. Yes, I'm hemming them so I can
wear them. You know, hand me down.

Son,

they're still lady pants.

But look at the stitching.

It's flawless.

You can't let innate surgical skill like
this go to waste.

Dad, I'm not going to be a surgeon.

What do you think of my stitching, Dad?

Oh, you got your pants sewn into your
shirt there, buddy.

Hey, fellas.

Gabby and I picked up pizza on the way
home. How'd it go today? Gabby give you

lot of grief?

No, we had a great time together. We
even got our nails done.

How was her driving? Pretty good. And
fast enough to dry my nails off the moon

roof. I gotta get back to yoga.

I almost couldn't get my feet back in.

Come on, Steph. We can't leave without
you.

I can't believe she has to ride with us.

Who you telling? She's all over me. When
she used to drive before I had my

license, she only came in with us once
in a while.

Now she's even following us into the
bathroom, going on and on about how

coming around to cobalt eyeshadow.

It is way better than periwinkle.

They're different, right?

It'll all be over soon.

Steph's seeing how good of a driver I
am, and she'll tell Dad. I've done

zones, roundabouts, parallel parking,
and tonight she's gonna have to see me

handle a busy highway. As long as I
don't end up on the news, we're good.

Hey, girl.

Ready to go? Sure.

But before I get behind the wheel, we
ought to grab a quick snack because

and driving is dangerous.

Oh, very responsible.

I'll catch up with you. I got to get my
jacket. Okay.

Hey, babe. Hey.

I was driving past that intersection
where Gabby got her ticket.

And? And Gabby's right.

That sign was behind a bunch of trees,
as was the cop.

I'm going to let her go back to driving
without us.

You know, I still think she needs a
little more supervised driving time. I

thought you said she was doing well.
Don't listen to me. I say a lot of

I don't think the girl's ready to be on
her own.

Some girl's not ready to be on her own.
I'm not sure it's Gabby.

I don't like what you're implying.

You're not wrong, but I don't like it.

James!

What are you doing in the closet?

With my raincoat?

This is yours?

with Gabby?

Baron, put this back. Got it.

Boys, what are you doing in there?

Just, you know, inventory.

I mean, like, everything's here. Come
on, Aaron, let's go upstairs and count

linen.

Gabby's gonna be relieved to have things
back the way they were.

Charlie, if she doesn't have to drive
with me in the car, I'll never see her.

Sure you will.

Honey, you don't understand.

We've been having all of this quality
girl time. I've been going in everywhere

with her. Just yesterday, we hung out in
the bathroom for 20 minutes talking

about eye shadow.

I'm sorry you're going to lose that,
honey.

Believe me, I wish I didn't have to tell
her.

She's never going to let me hear the end
of this stop sign thing.

Don't worry.

I've got your back.

I'll take care of it.

Really? Yeah.

Girls, sorry to keep you waiting.

I got held up talking to your dad. Oh,
did you tell him how well I'm driving?

You bet I did. What did he say?

Um, he said keep driving safe because
you've got your stepmommy on board.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, are your clothes weird?

No. It feels like all mine got shrunk in
the dryer or something, but only on one

side.

You see it, too?

Now, if you pointed it out, it's all I
can see.

You may be growing lopsided.

You might want to keep an eye on that.

Hey, let's hit the mall. Just me and my
road dog.

That's me.

Woof.

Wait, I forgot my purse. While I do
that, how about you back out the

alone? We'll keep it between us, girls.

Where are you off to?

To the mall.

With Gabby. Are you still going
everywhere together even though she's

drive on her own?

You didn't tell her, did you? Charlie!

No, I did not.

I would have told her. It just didn't
come up. You were supposed to make it

up. That's what telling her means.

Honey, we're just trying to buy time
until she realizes that things don't

to change because she's driving.

Meanwhile, I get more time with Gabby.
Plus, I don't have to tell her that I've

been lying. So, it's a win -win.

What does Gabby win? Nothing.

I get to win.

Oh, tell her.

Fine, hater.

No, no, no. What are you doing?

You told me to buff Gabby's shoes.

And? And I don't know what that means.

It means shine. I cut the shoe. You
shine the shoe. We put back the shoe.

What we don't do is hammer loudly while
Dad's in the house.

What was that noise?

And that's why.

We're talking now, Gabby Seals, but you
didn't hear that from me.

Dude.

You're always complaining Gabby Seals
are too high, so we were just shaving a

little off.

James, you can't vandalize your sister's
shoes with such a precise cut.

I know surgeons who don't cut this well.

Be a surgeon.

No.

You know what?

I didn't want to have to play this card,
but nothing else is working.

Here it is.

The bill from the last surgery I
performed.

Still don't want to be a surgeon?

Paging Dr.

Mo money. You are needed on your yacht.

There must be something wrong with my
hair.

No matter how many times I braid it, it
never comes out. without even.

It's a little lopsided. Yes!

You might want to keep an eye on that.

I finally memorized the script you gave
me. Good. I really want to drop to

dinner alone, and we only get one chance
at convincing Stephanie she needs to

stay home with you. Are you sure you can
handle your lines?

Please, do you not remember my school
play?

I had a breakout performance at
Sunflower.

Number three.

Erin, this has to go well. Does this go
well?

Spring is here!

And with it comes the blossoms!

Okay, Gabby, I'm ready to go.

Hey, Stephanie, can I talk to you for a
minute? Sure, what's up?

Lying.

Don't you have to make a popsicle stick
volcano?

I got it, I got it, I got it!

to make a popsicle stick volcano, and
there is no way I will finish it if you

not stay home and help me.

Oh, it's a bummer Dad isn't here to help
Aaron instead. Molly and I were looking

forward to that dinner.

It's okay.

I guess I'll just flunk.

Unless... Crazy...

I could just drive by myself. I know I'm
on punishment, but it's only a couple

of miles. It could be our little secret,
like that driveway thing.

Huh? Road dog.

Woof, woof.

Good news.

I traded rounds with Spellman, and now I
can watch the Philly.

I'm going to go make my mini quiches.
It's game day!

Hey, maybe your dad can help you with
your project while he watches the game.

Does that work for you, buddy?

He's great with those projects. Gabby,
I'm going to go grab my sweater, then we

can go.

Oh, cute pigtail. I like how you did
that thing.

She's never going to leave me alone.

What's your problem with Stephanie?

I like her. Well, you don't have to have
her in the car with you everywhere you

go. Uh, I kind of do.

And she's a delight, but you don't have
to.

Yes, I do. I'm on punishment.

Nope. Dad told Stephanie he got the same
ticket you got, and he said you can

drive by yourself again.

When was this?

A couple of days ago.

If it's not Christmas or my birthday,
it's all just Tuesday to me.

I can't believe Stephanie didn't tell
me.

Hang on, Gabby. I'm just getting
together a few supplies for Aaron.

Take your time, girlfriend.

I'm right here.

Now I'm over here.

Now I'm leaving you here.

I know this girl didn't send me the
voicemail again.

Gabby? It's Steph.

Look, I'm sorry to keep filling up your
voicemail, but bring your butt home!

Hey, Steph.

How was your evening? It started off
fine, but took a very disobedient turn.

Well, that's evenings for you. Would you
like a dinner mint?

You're awfully lippy for somebody who's
about to be grounded for life.

I can't believe you drove off without
me. I'm surprised that's a problem,

because Aaron told me I'm off.

Oh, he did, did he?

Well, you're not off punishment just
because Aaron said it. You're not off

punishment until I say it. Actually,
she's off punishment because I said it.

you said you were going to tell her
twice.

We're not on me right now, Charlie.

We'll deal with me later.

No, no, we're still on you a little bit.

I'm still on you, too. I get my first
taste of freedom, and you stole it. You

stole my freedom. I didn't steal it.

I was just, you know, borrowing it until
I could adjust to it better.

Abby, we had two years of being close,
and then as soon as you got that piece

paper, you just started blowing me off.
I'm kind of blowing everybody off,

Steph. I'm 16. That's my job.

What did you do when you were 16? I told
you we're not on me right now.

But if we were, I kind of get it.

Well, actually, you were both wrong, so
in a way, neither one of you was wrong.

I'll tell you who was wrong.

You for coming down on me too hard for a
ticket that you ended up getting too.

And you shouldn't have trusted me to
tell her she was off punishment. Yeah,

know Stephanie is crazy.

Sing it.

Mm -hmm.

Can you believe him? Girl, I can tell
you stories.

How about you tell me over some yogurt?

You drive.

Yeah,

and while you're there, you two think
about what you've done.

And also think about bringing home a
small pistachio with one gummy worm.

Dad, I need your password to log on to
the hospital website.

Oh, you're going to watch the live feed
of that open -heart surgery I told you

about? You know it. Got my popcorn, my
licorice, and your tax return to keep me

inspired.

Oh, look, they've already started the
operation.

All right, let's save some lives and
make them green.

Quadruple bypass.

Why did they open him so wide?

That's a man, not a sleeping bag. Get
out of here.

Do you do this to people? What is that?

It's called a rib spreader. You know,
that's how you get to the good stuff.

Abby, is just too much fun.

Guys, something is seriously wrong. I've
got to get a doctor or something.

Yeah, you're a mess.

I was up all night.

I kept falling out of my bed. It was
like I was sleeping on a hill.

Here's a nice cup of juice.

Why don't you sit down...