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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:03,929 --> 00:00:07,230
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,232 --> 00:00:10,767
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:10,769 --> 00:00:13,770
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:13,772 --> 00:00:17,274
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:17,276 --> 00:00:20,610
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:20,612 --> 00:00:22,145
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,513
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:23,515 --> 00:00:29,186
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:35,592
Hey, great idea bringing
the couch out here
11
00:00:35,594 --> 00:00:37,327
from your den, Peter.
Yeah, Lois and I
12
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:39,629
dragged it out here last night
for a little hump sesh,
13
00:00:39,631 --> 00:00:41,264
so I figured I'd let it dry.
14
00:00:41,266 --> 00:00:43,200
"Couch." That's
one of those words
15
00:00:43,202 --> 00:00:44,968
that if you say it
over and over
16
00:00:44,970 --> 00:00:46,336
it starts to sound silly.
17
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:48,672
Joe, you need to take
a class on small talk.
18
00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:51,341
You're not gonna believe
this-- I'm in one.
19
00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:53,610
It sure is cloudy today.
20
00:00:53,612 --> 00:00:56,113
Good. You could have
also responded to Janet,
21
00:00:56,115 --> 00:00:58,148
who said her son died.
22
00:00:58,150 --> 00:01:02,019
I'm sorry your son died
on such a cloudy day.
23
00:01:06,992 --> 00:01:08,959
All right, kids,
here's your bacon.
24
00:01:08,961 --> 00:01:11,361
I call the
paper towel!
Aw, damn it!
25
00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:14,398
Ha-ha! You got to move fast
when Meg's at the table, Brian.
26
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,334
All right, well, I get the box
when we have pizza for dinner.
27
00:01:17,336 --> 00:01:19,136
(muffled): Uh-uh. It
doesn't work that way.
28
00:01:19,138 --> 00:01:21,304
You got to call it
when it's happening.
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00:01:21,306 --> 00:01:22,906
Good morning, family.
I'll be out front
30
00:01:22,908 --> 00:01:24,574
with the guys
if anybody needs me.
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00:01:24,576 --> 00:01:26,243
Peter, I thought
we were gonna try
32
00:01:26,245 --> 00:01:28,145
to get the garden going
again today.
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00:01:28,147 --> 00:01:31,681
I know, sweetie, but then
I realized how stupid that is.
34
00:01:31,683 --> 00:01:34,518
Okay, bye. You guys
are my everything.
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00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:36,053
Why'd you ever marry him?
36
00:01:36,055 --> 00:01:39,523
Believe it or not, he used to
look like a young Gene Hackman.
37
00:01:39,525 --> 00:01:42,492
That's... that-that's
not even good.
38
00:01:42,494 --> 00:01:43,660
It's gone!
39
00:01:43,662 --> 00:01:44,995
What? What's gone?
40
00:01:44,997 --> 00:01:47,531
Our drinking couch!
Somebody must've stole it!
41
00:01:47,533 --> 00:01:49,232
You left a couch
out on the curb?
42
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:51,668
Well, somebody probably thought
it was trash and took it.
43
00:01:51,670 --> 00:01:54,004
You said you were gonna bring
the couch right back in!
44
00:01:54,006 --> 00:01:56,673
What were you thinking?
I'll tell you
what I was thinking.
45
00:01:56,675 --> 00:01:58,842
I was thinking we lived
in a safe neighborhood.
46
00:01:58,844 --> 00:02:00,510
But apparently,
I was wrong!
47
00:02:00,512 --> 00:02:03,513
Wait, you're saying
you were wr-wr...
48
00:02:03,515 --> 00:02:04,748
wr-wro...
49
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,016
wr-wrrr...
50
00:02:06,018 --> 00:02:08,685
Oh, I get it--
the Fonz can't say "wrong."
51
00:02:08,687 --> 00:02:12,022
No, Peter, he's 70--
he's having a stroke.
52
00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:18,695
Wow, Peter, I think
starting a community watch
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00:02:18,697 --> 00:02:22,099
is a great idea.
Yeah, I even got shirts
made up for us.
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00:02:22,101 --> 00:02:23,400
This is quality work.
55
00:02:23,402 --> 00:02:25,735
Where did you get these?
Via the Web?
56
00:02:25,737 --> 00:02:26,937
Hey, listen, Joe, um,
57
00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:28,939
you think you
can get us all guns?
58
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,440
No, Peter,
they're too dangerous.
59
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:32,742
Besides, you can't
just go get a gun,
60
00:02:32,744 --> 00:02:34,945
you have to be certified
in gun safety,
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00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:37,781
go through an extensive
background screening process.
Got 'em.
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00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:39,783
Whoa. How'd you
get 'em so quick?
63
00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:42,119
Eh, it was easy-- like
pressing that "easy" button
64
00:02:42,121 --> 00:02:43,954
at the office
supply store.
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00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:45,789
Hey, thanks
for all your help.
No problem.
66
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:48,692
Why don't you go ahead
and hit the "easy" button.
Okay.
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00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,796
What did I just do?
Don't worry about it.
68
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:59,236
Hey, Quagmire,
you're a sex guy.
69
00:02:59,238 --> 00:03:02,439
You watch any good,
uh... pornos lately?
70
00:03:02,441 --> 00:03:04,741
I mean...
I-I guess.
71
00:03:04,743 --> 00:03:06,276
So what's your pleasure?
72
00:03:06,278 --> 00:03:07,944
What kind of
movies you like?
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00:03:07,946 --> 00:03:10,280
I don't know.
MILF stuff's kind of cool.
74
00:03:10,282 --> 00:03:12,249
What-what about you?
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00:03:12,251 --> 00:03:14,684
Me? I have very
particular tastes.
76
00:03:14,686 --> 00:03:17,154
I like a soapy bottom.
What?
77
00:03:17,156 --> 00:03:18,822
Soft-core
soaped-up butts,
78
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,824
like from a PG-13
camp movie.
79
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:23,260
I can't get enough of it.
Drives me wild.
80
00:03:23,262 --> 00:03:25,095
Okay, let's talk
about something else.
81
00:03:25,097 --> 00:03:28,198
All right. Uh...
82
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,367
it's kind of too cool
for the air-conditioner
83
00:03:30,369 --> 00:03:32,335
and too warm for
the heater, huh?
84
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:33,637
(groans)
85
00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:36,439
Ah, got to walk
that boner off, huh?
86
00:03:36,441 --> 00:03:38,108
Yeah.
87
00:03:40,979 --> 00:03:42,879
Hey, guys, you
better come with me.
88
00:03:42,881 --> 00:03:45,315
There's some weird, big-nose
guy hiding in the bushes
89
00:03:45,317 --> 00:03:47,284
outside some
chick's house.
90
00:03:47,286 --> 00:03:48,652
(whispering
inaudibly)
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00:03:48,654 --> 00:03:51,154
"My heart always
timidly hides itself
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00:03:51,156 --> 00:03:52,789
behind my mind."
93
00:03:52,791 --> 00:03:53,990
(whispers)
94
00:03:53,992 --> 00:03:55,992
"I set out
to bring down stars
95
00:03:55,994 --> 00:03:57,294
from the sky..."
96
00:03:58,297 --> 00:03:59,996
(punches landing)
"Ow. Ow.
97
00:03:59,998 --> 00:04:02,866
"Oh, my God,
four men are beating me.
98
00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:05,302
"My arm.
I think it is broken.
99
00:04:05,304 --> 00:04:06,803
"Who are you guys?
100
00:04:06,805 --> 00:04:08,305
"Why? Why?
101
00:04:08,307 --> 00:04:11,808
"I'll give you anything if
you would only stop hitting me.
102
00:04:11,810 --> 00:04:13,810
"Please stop pulling my nose.
103
00:04:13,812 --> 00:04:15,178
"It is not fake.
104
00:04:15,180 --> 00:04:17,013
"I think I am dying.
105
00:04:17,015 --> 00:04:19,649
Please take me to the hospital."
106
00:04:19,651 --> 00:04:21,318
Your words have bewitched me.
107
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,320
I need your arms around me.
108
00:04:23,322 --> 00:04:25,188
(whispers): Come to
my chamber at once.
109
00:04:25,190 --> 00:04:26,723
"Come to my chamber
at once."
110
00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:30,393
And bring pound cake.
"And bring pound cake."
111
00:04:34,199 --> 00:04:35,665
Peter, please
come to bed.
112
00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:37,200
Enough of the
community watch.
113
00:04:37,202 --> 00:04:39,536
We live on a very
safe street.
114
00:04:39,538 --> 00:04:42,005
Lois, you wouldn't believe
the things we see out there.
115
00:04:42,007 --> 00:04:45,008
There was a kid riding his bike
while holding a tennis racket.
116
00:04:45,010 --> 00:04:47,510
For real.
Come on!
Let's fool around,
117
00:04:47,512 --> 00:04:49,012
or watch a movie,
118
00:04:49,014 --> 00:04:51,915
or finally click that
"Crackle" icon on the TV.
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00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:54,251
Lois, I am
an unelected vigilante,
120
00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:56,519
and I take my job
very seriously.
121
00:04:56,521 --> 00:04:58,521
Like Serious George.
122
00:04:58,523 --> 00:05:00,423
Hey, George, want
to go to the park?
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00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,259
Uh, thank you, but no.
124
00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:04,794
It's a beautiful day--
lots of mischief to get into.
125
00:05:04,796 --> 00:05:06,062
I don't doubt that,
126
00:05:06,064 --> 00:05:08,098
but as you can see,
I'm pretty busy.
127
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:10,567
I'm trying to get
a head start on my taxes.
128
00:05:10,569 --> 00:05:13,069
Oh, I see-- trying
to figure out a way
129
00:05:13,071 --> 00:05:14,771
to deduct bananas?
130
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:17,540
Ah. 'Cause I eat
bananas. Terrific.
131
00:05:17,542 --> 00:05:20,110
Hey, your inside,
so don't wear a hat.
132
00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:23,546
Unless you're leaving,
which would be terrific also.
133
00:05:23,548 --> 00:05:25,982
(crickets chirping)
134
00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:28,818
(clacking)
135
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,790
What the hell? Hey, you!
136
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,458
(clacking)
137
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,127
Step away from that table.
138
00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:40,730
(chuckling):
Brain fart. Window. Sorry.
139
00:05:41,566 --> 00:05:42,766
Hold it right there!
140
00:05:42,768 --> 00:05:46,336
I'm warning you!
Hands where I could see 'em.
141
00:05:53,412 --> 00:05:55,412
♪ ♪
142
00:05:55,414 --> 00:05:56,980
Cleveland Jr.?!
143
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:59,482
Mr. Griffin! You shot me!
144
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,251
Oh, my God!
145
00:06:01,253 --> 00:06:03,286
LOIS (calls):
Peter, where are you?
146
00:06:03,288 --> 00:06:07,757
Peter? Okay, I'm starting
The Good Wife without you.
147
00:06:07,759 --> 00:06:09,092
Phew! Heh.
148
00:06:09,094 --> 00:06:10,860
Unlike you,
I just dodged a bullet.
149
00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:22,305
Okay, next is the...
brown family.
150
00:06:22,307 --> 00:06:24,474
Oh. Oh, my goodness.
I'm-I'm so sorry.
151
00:06:24,476 --> 00:06:26,676
Sometimes I write
descriptions of my patients
152
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,144
to help me
remember them.
153
00:06:28,146 --> 00:06:30,814
No, it's okay.
Our last name is Brown.
154
00:06:30,816 --> 00:06:32,115
(exhales):
Oh, okay. Phew.
155
00:06:32,117 --> 00:06:34,951
Ah, then this must be
"Chubster Dumb-Dumb."
156
00:06:34,953 --> 00:06:36,286
(loud clattering)
157
00:06:36,288 --> 00:06:38,121
NURSE:
I'm sorry, sir. No visitors.
158
00:06:38,123 --> 00:06:41,191
Excuse me, I'll have you know
I'm the shooter!
159
00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:42,792
So, uh, how's he doing?
160
00:06:42,794 --> 00:06:44,994
"How's he doing"?!
How do you think he's doing!
161
00:06:44,996 --> 00:06:46,663
You shot my son!
162
00:06:46,665 --> 00:06:48,164
Look, Cleveland,
I-I'm real sorry.
163
00:06:48,166 --> 00:06:51,301
I thought someone was breaking
into your house, and I panicked.
164
00:06:51,303 --> 00:06:53,069
It was dark. I-I...
I don't know why
165
00:06:53,071 --> 00:06:54,637
he didn't just say
it was him.
166
00:06:54,639 --> 00:06:56,673
I couldn't hear you.
I was listening to music,
167
00:06:56,675 --> 00:06:59,476
I went to turn it down,
and the next thing I know.
168
00:06:59,478 --> 00:07:02,212
you shot me!
Why the hell were you
climbing in the window
169
00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:03,646
of your own house
anyway?
170
00:07:03,648 --> 00:07:05,482
My dad says opening the door
171
00:07:05,484 --> 00:07:07,384
lets out too much
air-conditioning.
172
00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:09,386
I already have a bullet
in my son,
173
00:07:09,388 --> 00:07:11,254
I don't need one
in my wallet.
174
00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:13,890
You wouldn't have fired
that gun if he was white!
175
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:15,592
That's not true--
I'll shoot anybody.
176
00:07:15,594 --> 00:07:16,993
Joe, give me
your gun.
177
00:07:16,995 --> 00:07:18,395
Here you go...
Hey, wait a second!
178
00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:20,397
Look, let's all just calm down.
179
00:07:20,399 --> 00:07:21,498
Calm down?!
180
00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:23,333
I want this racist
out the room,
181
00:07:23,335 --> 00:07:24,901
and I want him arrested!
182
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:27,170
Racist? I put these
gloves on for everybody.
183
00:07:27,172 --> 00:07:28,872
Oh, oh, you're
talking to him.
184
00:07:28,874 --> 00:07:31,674
Look, the police department has
deemed the shooting accidental.
185
00:07:31,676 --> 00:07:34,277
Given the circumstances,
Peter was within his rights
186
00:07:34,279 --> 00:07:35,712
to fire his weapon.
187
00:07:35,714 --> 00:07:39,015
And what about my son's rights
not to be shot?!
188
00:07:39,017 --> 00:07:40,517
Look, Cleveland...
189
00:07:40,519 --> 00:07:42,185
Lat... Latisha?
190
00:07:42,187 --> 00:07:44,053
I thought he had a gun.
191
00:07:44,055 --> 00:07:46,856
I'd never want to do anything
to hurt you or your family.
192
00:07:46,858 --> 00:07:47,891
You're my friend.
193
00:07:47,893 --> 00:07:49,058
I was your friend.
194
00:07:49,060 --> 00:07:50,293
Now, get out of here!
195
00:07:50,295 --> 00:07:52,695
You're nothing but
a worthless bigot!
196
00:07:55,867 --> 00:07:57,700
Wow, I really messed up.
197
00:07:57,702 --> 00:08:00,970
I haven't felt this bad since
I drove by that speed sign.
198
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,380
Aw...
199
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,892
Hey, does anybody know
if Cleveland's coming by?
200
00:08:22,894 --> 00:08:25,295
I was hoping to apologize
and collect his deposit
201
00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:28,131
for the community
watch shirts.
I talked to him earlier.
202
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,767
He, uh, he doesn't want
to be anywhere near you.
203
00:08:30,769 --> 00:08:33,069
Hey, look-- they're talking
about the shooting.
204
00:08:33,071 --> 00:08:34,404
Good evening.
Two nights ago
205
00:08:34,406 --> 00:08:37,140
there was a shooting right here
in our own backyard.
206
00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:40,510
The victim: a 14-year-old boy
named Cleveland Brown Jr.
207
00:08:40,512 --> 00:08:43,079
Joining me tonight is
his father, Cleveland Brown.
208
00:08:43,081 --> 00:08:46,149
So that's not really Quahog?
It's just a big picture?
209
00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,818
Now, Mr. Brown, I understand
you're trying to get the police
210
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,320
to reopen the investigation.
211
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:52,755
That's right, Tom.
My family and I believe
212
00:08:52,757 --> 00:08:56,092
this shooting was a hate crime,
and we'd like to see Mr. Griffin
213
00:08:56,094 --> 00:08:58,094
held accountable
for his actions.
214
00:08:58,096 --> 00:08:59,696
Hate crime? That's crazy!
215
00:08:59,698 --> 00:09:01,097
I love all people!
216
00:09:01,099 --> 00:09:03,099
I love blacks, I love Asians...
217
00:09:03,101 --> 00:09:05,468
hell, I even love
gay Aborigines.
218
00:09:05,470 --> 00:09:06,669
(blowing deep tone)
219
00:09:07,606 --> 00:09:09,772
(blowing deep tone)
220
00:09:09,774 --> 00:09:12,842
(electronic dance beat playing)
221
00:09:17,449 --> 00:09:19,949
Wow, this is
just great, Peter.
222
00:09:19,951 --> 00:09:22,185
Everyone in town
hates us now.
223
00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,888
The cashier at the grocery store
told her to "push on,"
224
00:09:24,890 --> 00:09:26,389
and then
she snapped her fingers,
225
00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:29,559
and now I think she's my new
favorite lady in the world.
226
00:09:29,561 --> 00:09:32,128
I don't understand.
I'm not a racist.
227
00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:34,464
It's well documented
that my dream three-way
228
00:09:34,466 --> 00:09:37,534
is S. Epatha Merkerson
and CCH Pounder.
229
00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,002
S., this is CCH.
230
00:09:39,004 --> 00:09:40,370
CCH, this is S.
231
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:42,639
It is my intention
that we conduct this
232
00:09:42,641 --> 00:09:45,041
with both sexiness
and dignity.
233
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:46,743
Peter, this is a
hot-button issue.
234
00:09:46,745 --> 00:09:48,811
I mean, you shot an
African-American kid.
235
00:09:48,813 --> 00:09:51,214
Of course this isn't
just gonna go away.
236
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,816
Well, there's got to be
something I can do
to make things right.
237
00:09:53,818 --> 00:09:56,319
I'll just have
to prove to everybody
that I'm not a racist.
238
00:09:56,321 --> 00:09:58,555
How are you
gonna do that?
Well, for starters,
239
00:09:58,557 --> 00:10:00,356
I'm gonna head over
to the YMCA.
240
00:10:00,358 --> 00:10:02,225
There's nothing
black guys like more
241
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:05,495
than out-of-shape
indoor-basketball white guys.
242
00:10:05,497 --> 00:10:07,096
(derisive laughter)
243
00:10:07,098 --> 00:10:09,899
Hey! I'm trying
my best here.
244
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:12,535
And trying is
what matters most of all.
245
00:10:12,537 --> 00:10:13,703
You're right, Peter.
246
00:10:13,705 --> 00:10:15,438
We need to give
you a chance,
247
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,240
no matter what
color your skin is.
248
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:19,175
Come on, let's
play some ball.
249
00:10:20,512 --> 00:10:23,947
"...and then Peter and his
new friends went for ice cream."
250
00:10:23,949 --> 00:10:25,615
The end.
251
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:29,452
Okay, kids, are your parents
out of the room?
252
00:10:29,454 --> 00:10:33,756
Good. Let's get back
to Sloppy Floppers magazine.
253
00:10:38,229 --> 00:10:39,729
What are you doing?
254
00:10:39,731 --> 00:10:41,931
Lois, to show I'm in touch
with what it's like
255
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:44,233
to be African-American,
I am gonna go to the middle
256
00:10:44,235 --> 00:10:47,203
of the town square, get naked
and paint myself brown.
257
00:10:47,205 --> 00:10:49,238
No, no, that's
offensive.
258
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:50,873
You can't pretend
to be black.
259
00:10:50,875 --> 00:10:52,208
That's a stupid idea.
260
00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:53,943
What?
It's a stupid idea!
261
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:57,614
You're a stupid man!
A stupid, stupid man!
262
00:10:57,616 --> 00:11:00,450
Ow, you're hurting me!
Stop it, stop it, Lois!
263
00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:03,286
No! I'm so sick
of your crap.
264
00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:05,655
Why do you always
do these stupid things?
265
00:11:05,657 --> 00:11:08,925
And why do you always announce
them to me before you do them?
266
00:11:08,927 --> 00:11:11,494
Are you trying
to get a rise out of me?
267
00:11:11,496 --> 00:11:15,098
Are you happy now?
Is this what you want?
268
00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:16,733
Oh, no,
it's not what I want!
269
00:11:16,735 --> 00:11:20,269
It's not what I want.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
270
00:11:20,271 --> 00:11:21,638
(Peter sobbing)
271
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,340
It's never been this bad before.
What do we do?
272
00:11:24,342 --> 00:11:26,776
What we always do.
273
00:11:26,778 --> 00:11:30,647
I'm in charge of my head--
that much I know!
274
00:11:35,754 --> 00:11:37,754
What the hell
are you doing on my property?
275
00:11:37,756 --> 00:11:39,822
Look, it's time we
bury the hatchet.
276
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:41,424
So I brought a bottle
of your favorite booze.
277
00:11:41,426 --> 00:11:43,826
Now let's just have a drink
and put this all behind us.
278
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,495
I don't want
nothing from you.
279
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,296
Well, hold on,
I got something else.
280
00:11:47,298 --> 00:11:49,766
Cigars. We can smoke 'em
together, all happy,
281
00:11:49,768 --> 00:11:51,934
like a bunch of douche bags
outside a wedding.
282
00:11:51,936 --> 00:11:53,202
Peter, get out of here.
283
00:11:53,204 --> 00:11:55,505
I'm never gonna forgive you
for what you did.
284
00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:57,573
Aw, come on.
This'll change your mind.
285
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,412
Oh, my God!
Quick, do something!
286
00:12:05,116 --> 00:12:07,183
It's not working.
Get rid of it!
287
00:12:08,653 --> 00:12:10,019
(all murmuring)
288
00:12:13,625 --> 00:12:14,724
(all gasp)
289
00:12:14,726 --> 00:12:16,392
Get your family
out of that house!
290
00:12:16,394 --> 00:12:18,227
If they don't leave,
they'll die.
291
00:12:18,229 --> 00:12:20,129
Round up your family
and get out
292
00:12:20,131 --> 00:12:21,297
or you're all
gonna be sorry.
293
00:12:21,299 --> 00:12:22,799
Get out, now!
294
00:12:22,801 --> 00:12:24,133
(all gasp)
295
00:12:24,135 --> 00:12:26,169
See, kids, I told you
we'd make friends here.
296
00:12:26,171 --> 00:12:29,005
I guess me getting transferred
by the Xerox Corporation
297
00:12:29,007 --> 00:12:31,474
wasn't the worst thing
after all.
298
00:12:31,476 --> 00:12:33,142
(loud, overlapping shouting)
299
00:12:33,144 --> 00:12:34,644
(siren toots)
300
00:12:34,646 --> 00:12:39,048
(loud, overlapping shouting)
301
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:41,084
Oh, thank God, Joe.
302
00:12:41,086 --> 00:12:43,720
Are you here to give me the
deposit for the shirts?
303
00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:45,688
No, Peter, I'm here to place you
under arrest
304
00:12:45,690 --> 00:12:47,990
for the attempted murder
of Cleveland Junior.
305
00:12:47,992 --> 00:12:50,359
What are you talkin' about?
You know it was an accident.
306
00:12:50,361 --> 00:12:52,995
Yeah, but let's just say,
public opinion has shifted.
307
00:12:52,997 --> 00:12:55,598
And the boys upstairs said
they can no longer ignore it.
308
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,567
Who the hell are
the "boys upstairs?"
309
00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:59,368
I have no idea.
There's no elevator.
310
00:12:59,370 --> 00:13:00,670
But whoever they are,
311
00:13:00,672 --> 00:13:02,572
they're pretty steamed
about this whole thing.
312
00:13:03,842 --> 00:13:05,174
Peter, what-what's
going on?
313
00:13:05,176 --> 00:13:06,776
They're taking me to jail!
314
00:13:06,778 --> 00:13:07,944
Oh, my God!
315
00:13:07,946 --> 00:13:09,278
Don't worry, Dad!
316
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:12,081
I'll send you a cake
with a file in it!
317
00:13:13,518 --> 00:13:16,385
These are just the owner manuals
for all our kitchen appliances.
318
00:13:16,387 --> 00:13:18,121
Well, guess I finally have time
319
00:13:18,123 --> 00:13:20,757
to learn to reset the clock
on the coffee maker.
320
00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:23,192
MORGAN FREEMAN:
He never did.
321
00:13:31,236 --> 00:13:32,969
You're-you're, uh...
322
00:13:32,971 --> 00:13:34,704
you're not gonna
rape me, are you?
323
00:13:34,706 --> 00:13:36,439
Of course I'm not
gonna rape you.
324
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:38,775
I'm gonna make you
fall in love with me.
325
00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:41,043
Then... we'll
see what happens.
326
00:13:41,045 --> 00:13:44,647
Oh, no.
It's already working.
327
00:13:44,649 --> 00:13:46,816
Griffin, you have a visitor.
328
00:13:46,818 --> 00:13:48,818
Carter? What are
you doing here?
329
00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:50,119
Hello, Griffin.
330
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:52,255
I'd like to talk to you
about these charges
331
00:13:52,257 --> 00:13:53,656
that have been
brought against you.
332
00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:55,658
Why don't we go somewhere
a little more private?
333
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:58,795
I, uh, guess I'll see you
in a little bit?
334
00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:00,897
It's gonna feel
like an eternity.
335
00:14:00,899 --> 00:14:04,700
How is it that I'm only
just now meeting you?
336
00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:08,337
Look, Carter, you
got to believe me.
337
00:14:08,339 --> 00:14:10,907
I didn't shoot Cleveland
Junior because he was black!
338
00:14:10,909 --> 00:14:12,809
Hey, you don't have
to tell me that.
339
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:15,511
But the media's out there
making you look like a monster,
340
00:14:15,513 --> 00:14:18,414
all for exercising
your constitutional rights.
341
00:14:18,416 --> 00:14:19,749
Grover's a monster.
342
00:14:19,751 --> 00:14:21,918
But don't worry.
We're gonna get you out of this.
343
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,586
I'll be damned
if I'm gonna sit back
344
00:14:23,588 --> 00:14:25,655
and let them do this
to one of my own.
345
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:27,690
What, you mean
your family?
Huh?
346
00:14:27,692 --> 00:14:29,258
Oh, yeah, yeah, that.
Yeah, right.
347
00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:31,027
Look, I'm gonna
bail you out of here,
348
00:14:31,029 --> 00:14:33,596
set you up with my lawyer,
and get these charges dropped.
349
00:14:33,598 --> 00:14:34,864
Well, how you gonna do that?
350
00:14:34,866 --> 00:14:36,599
Don't worry.
I'll come up with a good story,
351
00:14:36,601 --> 00:14:37,834
and they'll eat it up.
352
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:40,036
Not like when I read
my JAG fan fiction
353
00:14:40,038 --> 00:14:42,638
at the NCIS convention.
354
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,173
"JAG stood up and yelled,
355
00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:46,542
"'Objection, Your Honor,
by Navy law.'
356
00:14:46,544 --> 00:14:48,477
"He then turned
to the lady lawyer,
357
00:14:48,479 --> 00:14:50,546
"the gal from the October Maxim,
358
00:14:50,548 --> 00:14:51,948
"who still managed to be hot
359
00:14:51,950 --> 00:14:54,517
"despite her sexless,
pageboy haircut.
360
00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,185
Or perhaps because of it."
361
00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:57,653
Boo!
Terrible!
362
00:14:57,655 --> 00:15:00,957
Right branch of the military,
wrong investigative arm!
363
00:15:02,961 --> 00:15:05,561
(loud crowd chatter)
364
00:15:05,563 --> 00:15:08,564
And I was trying to
get back into my house,
365
00:15:08,566 --> 00:15:11,968
and my neighbor,
Mr. Griffin, shot me.
366
00:15:11,970 --> 00:15:13,903
He said
he felt threatened by me,
367
00:15:13,905 --> 00:15:16,539
and that hurt even worse
than getting shot!
368
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,140
GALLERY:
Aw!
369
00:15:18,142 --> 00:15:20,076
Your Honor, permission
to hug the witness?
370
00:15:20,078 --> 00:15:21,677
Granted.
371
00:15:21,679 --> 00:15:24,213
(crying)
372
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:25,681
Don't worry,
Mr. Griffin.
373
00:15:25,683 --> 00:15:27,016
You're every bit
as sympathetic
374
00:15:27,018 --> 00:15:28,851
as this chubby-cheeked
cocoa angel.
375
00:15:28,853 --> 00:15:31,087
I haven't been listening.
What's goin' on?
376
00:15:31,089 --> 00:15:32,822
I don't think it's
lost on any of us
377
00:15:32,824 --> 00:15:34,757
that the laws are
written on white paper.
378
00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:37,226
Yeah, white paper.
Check your jacket pocket.
379
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:39,395
"I don't think it's
lost on any of us
380
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:41,264
that the laws are
written on white paper."
381
00:15:41,266 --> 00:15:42,732
Hey, look,
I'm just saying,
382
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:45,368
it's no surprise that
justice isn't colorblind.
383
00:15:45,370 --> 00:15:47,103
Check your other
jacket pocket.
384
00:15:47,105 --> 00:15:48,537
"Hey, look, I'm just saying
385
00:15:48,539 --> 00:15:50,606
it's no surprise that
justice isn't colorblind."
386
00:15:50,608 --> 00:15:51,908
Stewie, you're a jerk!
387
00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:53,342
Check Chris' pocket.
388
00:15:53,344 --> 00:15:54,777
What? There's nothing
in here, and...
389
00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:57,346
Oh, God, the bottom of the
pocket's been cut out!
390
00:15:57,348 --> 00:15:58,614
Thanks, Brian!
391
00:15:58,616 --> 00:16:01,884
I was the mastermind
behind this whole thing!
392
00:16:01,886 --> 00:16:03,786
Your witness.
393
00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:05,388
All right, watch this.
394
00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:08,357
This is where we take control
of the situation.
395
00:16:08,359 --> 00:16:10,726
Mr. Brown, you testified
that you were listening to music
396
00:16:10,728 --> 00:16:12,128
at the time of the shooting.
397
00:16:12,130 --> 00:16:13,296
That's right.
398
00:16:13,298 --> 00:16:16,299
And isn't Jay-Z music?
Yes.
399
00:16:16,301 --> 00:16:19,769
And doesn't he have the lyrics,
"I put the gun to you.
400
00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:21,938
"I'll kill ya, I'll chop ya up,
401
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,707
put ya inside the mattress
like drug money"?
402
00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:26,042
(gallery gasping)
403
00:16:26,044 --> 00:16:29,545
I was listening
to Neil Sedaka's Hanukkah album.
404
00:16:29,547 --> 00:16:31,147
And isn't true
that your last name
405
00:16:31,149 --> 00:16:32,882
is the same
as Chris Brown's?
406
00:16:32,884 --> 00:16:34,817
Yes, but I don't see what--
407
00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:36,953
And what did Chris Brown
do to Rihanna?
408
00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:39,488
He hit her, like,
a hundred times.
409
00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:41,424
Your Honor, I'd like
to enter into evidence
410
00:16:41,426 --> 00:16:43,826
this photo of a
badly beaten Rihanna
411
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:46,495
as well as this print ad
for the Entourage movie.
412
00:16:46,497 --> 00:16:47,496
Why?!
413
00:16:47,498 --> 00:16:48,931
I can't unsee this!
414
00:16:48,933 --> 00:16:50,166
Who is this for?!
415
00:16:50,168 --> 00:16:51,467
What's he doing?
416
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:53,469
He's making Cleveland Jr.
look like a thug.
417
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,837
I know.
That's the idea.
418
00:16:54,839 --> 00:16:57,006
You don't want to go
back to jail, do you?
419
00:17:02,246 --> 00:17:03,679
I don't know.
420
00:17:03,681 --> 00:17:05,414
Maybe.
421
00:17:05,416 --> 00:17:08,117
Mr. Brown, please
pick up this knife.
422
00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:09,752
Aah!
He's got a knife!
423
00:17:09,754 --> 00:17:11,120
(crowd gasping)
424
00:17:11,122 --> 00:17:13,189
(grunting)
425
00:17:20,264 --> 00:17:21,630
This isn't fair!
426
00:17:21,632 --> 00:17:24,033
They're making my son
look like a common hoodlum!
427
00:17:24,035 --> 00:17:25,501
Joe, you're a cop!
428
00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:26,802
Do something!
429
00:17:26,804 --> 00:17:28,871
No, the soap
covers everything.
430
00:17:28,873 --> 00:17:31,774
You might see, like, the
very top of the crack,
431
00:17:31,776 --> 00:17:34,610
but that's-that's
not what it's about.
432
00:17:38,483 --> 00:17:41,350
How do you sleep
at night?
433
00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:43,552
Propped up on pillows,
on account of my fat throat.
434
00:17:43,554 --> 00:17:45,721
If I lay flat on
my back, I die.
435
00:17:45,723 --> 00:17:48,290
I need pillows
between my thighs myself.
436
00:17:48,292 --> 00:17:50,526
And this friendship
is over!
437
00:17:52,296 --> 00:17:54,797
(crowd clamoring in anger)
438
00:18:00,138 --> 00:18:02,838
Thanks for letting me
sit in the back.
439
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:04,407
I was flipping people
off the whole way.
440
00:18:04,409 --> 00:18:06,876
(laughs)
441
00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:08,911
Get out of here,
all of you!
442
00:18:08,913 --> 00:18:12,548
My son didn't do
anything wrong!
443
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:15,551
(crowd clamoring in anger)
444
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:18,854
Carter, I think this has
all kind of gone too far.
445
00:18:18,856 --> 00:18:19,855
What do you think
you're doing?
446
00:18:19,857 --> 00:18:22,158
I'm gonna make this right.
447
00:18:23,194 --> 00:18:24,894
Everyone!
Everyone!
448
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,929
Listen, I have
something to say.
449
00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:29,698
Cleveland Jr. doesn't
deserve any of this.
450
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:32,001
All those things you heard
about Cleveland Jr. were lies.
451
00:18:32,003 --> 00:18:34,403
He didn't do anything to me.
452
00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,672
He's a good kid,
from a good family.
453
00:18:36,674 --> 00:18:40,009
I just got scared,
and I did something stupid.
454
00:18:40,011 --> 00:18:42,278
I swear, it had nothing to do
with the color of his skin,
455
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,514
but... I did shoot him.
456
00:18:46,851 --> 00:18:50,252
I deserve to be held
responsible for my actions.
457
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:52,721
Even if that means
going to jail.
458
00:18:52,723 --> 00:18:53,889
You heard him,
other cops.
459
00:18:53,891 --> 00:18:55,624
Let's take him in.
460
00:18:55,626 --> 00:18:57,126
He doesn't know
our names, does he?
461
00:18:57,128 --> 00:18:58,794
I don't think he does.
462
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:03,632
Wait a minute.
463
00:19:03,634 --> 00:19:05,634
Peter didn't shoot my son.
464
00:19:05,636 --> 00:19:07,236
I did.
465
00:19:07,238 --> 00:19:08,404
(crowd gasps)
466
00:19:08,406 --> 00:19:10,372
Peter was just taking
the blame for me.
467
00:19:10,374 --> 00:19:13,109
He's a good friend.
468
00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:16,445
Eh, Mr. Brown,
what exactly are you saying?
469
00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:18,481
I'm saying that I,
Cleveland Brown,
470
00:19:18,483 --> 00:19:19,949
a black man,
471
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,584
shot Cleveland Brown, Jr.,
472
00:19:21,586 --> 00:19:23,886
another black man.
473
00:19:27,091 --> 00:19:28,657
Wait, wh-where
did everybody go?
474
00:19:28,659 --> 00:19:30,459
You want to make
the media go away?
475
00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:33,295
Just mention
black-on-black crime.
476
00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:35,464
Boy, the world
we live in, huh?
477
00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:37,833
Brian, reach into
Meg's pocket.
478
00:19:37,835 --> 00:19:39,268
Go ahead, Brian.
479
00:19:39,270 --> 00:19:41,971
I-I-I don't want to.
480
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:44,173
Cleveland,
why did you do that?
481
00:19:44,175 --> 00:19:47,309
Peter, since this is about
racism, why don't we take
482
00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:51,247
a slow, hands-clasped-behind-
the-back walk together?
483
00:19:51,249 --> 00:19:53,349
Listen, I know you wouldn't
have shot Cleveland Jr.
484
00:19:53,351 --> 00:19:55,317
on account of his race.
485
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:57,286
You shot him because
you're stupid.
486
00:19:57,288 --> 00:19:59,688
That's all
I'm trying to say!
487
00:19:59,690 --> 00:20:01,824
And I know you don't
have hate in your heart.
488
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:04,360
You were willing to go to jail
for shooting my son.
489
00:20:04,362 --> 00:20:06,595
You took responsibility.
490
00:20:06,597 --> 00:20:08,931
That's what's important.
491
00:20:08,933 --> 00:20:11,300
So... you forgive me?
492
00:20:11,302 --> 00:20:13,469
Of course I do.
493
00:20:13,471 --> 00:20:16,705
Oh, thanks, Cleveland.
494
00:20:16,707 --> 00:20:18,507
Hey, how you
feeling there, champ?
495
00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:19,708
I'm good.
496
00:20:19,710 --> 00:20:21,210
Getting better
every day.
497
00:20:21,212 --> 00:20:22,711
Aw, I'm happy
to hear that.
498
00:20:22,713 --> 00:20:25,814
Look, I-I hope
you know I'm sorry.
499
00:20:25,816 --> 00:20:27,616
Hey, these things happen.
500
00:20:27,618 --> 00:20:29,552
That's my boy.
501
00:20:31,656 --> 00:20:33,389
Mr. Griffin?
Yeah?
502
00:20:33,391 --> 00:20:34,657
Just so you know,
503
00:20:34,659 --> 00:20:36,559
I'm gonna be coming
for your ass.
504
00:20:36,561 --> 00:20:38,194
Wh-What's that now?
505
00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:39,695
I'm saying it's on!
506
00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:41,697
You ever feel the cool steel
507
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:44,733
of a switchblade
pressed against your temple?
508
00:20:45,736 --> 00:20:47,469
(laughs)
Hey, Mr. Griffin,
509
00:20:47,471 --> 00:20:48,904
I'm just kidding.
510
00:20:48,906 --> 00:20:50,506
Or am I?
511
00:20:50,508 --> 00:20:52,875
You're gonna wonder about that,
you fat bitch.
512
00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:54,643
See you later!
513
00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:33,949
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