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00:00:01,512 --> 00:00:04,815
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,915 --> 00:00:08,183
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,218 --> 00:00:11,753
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,788 --> 00:00:14,756
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,791 --> 00:00:18,259
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,295 --> 00:00:21,429
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,465 --> 00:00:22,964
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,866
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,901 --> 00:00:26,538
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:26,539 --> 00:00:30,539
♪ Family Guy 14x06 ♪
A Shot in the Dark
Original Air Date on November 15, 2015
11
00:00:30,540 --> 00:00:37,040
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
12
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,613
Hey.
What are you working on?
13
00:00:38,649 --> 00:00:41,916
Oh, just trying to make some
sense of these numbers.
14
00:00:43,587 --> 00:00:44,953
What the...
What did you hit?
15
00:00:44,988 --> 00:00:46,688
What happened to
my spreadsheet?
16
00:00:46,723 --> 00:00:50,191
What exactly was the endgame
if I hadn't walked in?
17
00:00:50,227 --> 00:00:52,460
Ugh, there's nothing worse
than grocery shopping
18
00:00:52,496 --> 00:00:53,696
on the day before
Thanksgiving.
19
00:00:55,232 --> 00:00:57,899
Yeah, that's the sound
a rich family's turkey makes.
20
00:00:57,934 --> 00:01:00,135
There's still a lot more
groceries in the car.
21
00:01:00,170 --> 00:01:02,203
Well, it's not a race.
Take a break.
22
00:01:02,239 --> 00:01:04,372
Ugh, if you knew
how close we were
23
00:01:04,408 --> 00:01:06,741
to putting you
down last year.
24
00:01:06,777 --> 00:01:08,076
Geez, what's her problem?
25
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,678
Eh, Thanksgiving's
exhausting.
26
00:01:09,713 --> 00:01:11,012
You know what
she could use?
27
00:01:11,048 --> 00:01:13,248
A little sip
of that drink I invented.
28
00:01:13,283 --> 00:01:15,450
Hi! Stewie Griffin here
with my latest creation:
29
00:01:15,485 --> 00:01:17,686
Monster Energy Drink.
What is it? I don't know,
30
00:01:17,721 --> 00:01:20,021
but it's free from this truck
that stopped outside your work.
31
00:01:20,057 --> 00:01:22,257
Mix it with booze. Ever been
wide-awake-blacked-out?
32
00:01:22,292 --> 00:01:24,325
Ever try to jump over
a train on a bike?
33
00:01:24,361 --> 00:01:26,327
Ever bit the beak off a bird?
Monster Energy:
34
00:01:26,363 --> 00:01:28,363
put it in your body
and ask questions later.
35
00:01:28,398 --> 00:01:30,231
It's green, so it's nature.
36
00:01:33,670 --> 00:01:35,837
We now return to Guy Friends.
37
00:01:35,872 --> 00:01:37,472
So, you must
be pretty pumped.
38
00:01:37,507 --> 00:01:38,773
For what?
39
00:01:38,809 --> 00:01:40,141
Oh. Olympics.
40
00:01:40,177 --> 00:01:42,343
Oh, yeah. I guess
that's starting soon.
41
00:01:42,379 --> 00:01:44,145
I thought you were
a big Olympics guy.
42
00:01:44,181 --> 00:01:46,047
Yeah, I like 'em okay.
43
00:01:46,083 --> 00:01:48,116
Huh.
44
00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:49,951
♪ Guy friends ♪
45
00:01:49,986 --> 00:01:52,620
♪ A computer made us
roommates in college ♪
46
00:01:52,656 --> 00:01:53,621
♪ That's why we're friends ♪
47
00:01:53,657 --> 00:01:55,156
♪ Guy friends! ♪
48
00:01:55,192 --> 00:01:57,058
Mail's here.
49
00:01:57,094 --> 00:01:59,994
Any fliers of Hispanic women
running for city council?
50
00:02:00,030 --> 00:02:01,529
Yeah, there is.
51
00:02:01,565 --> 00:02:02,897
Thank you.
52
00:02:04,234 --> 00:02:06,534
Peter, you got a letter
from your sister Karen.
53
00:02:06,570 --> 00:02:08,369
What? You've got
a sister, Dad?
54
00:02:08,405 --> 00:02:09,938
How come we've
never met her?
55
00:02:09,973 --> 00:02:11,706
Is she a prim and proper
aunt
56
00:02:11,742 --> 00:02:13,808
or a big, fat,
dirty aunt?
57
00:02:13,844 --> 00:02:16,177
I have no obligation
to tell any of you anything.
58
00:02:16,213 --> 00:02:18,680
Mr. Griffin has shown good
faith in appearing here today
59
00:02:18,715 --> 00:02:20,148
and will not be subjected
60
00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:22,083
to this sort of
hostile interrogation.
61
00:02:22,119 --> 00:02:24,953
Your father doesn't like to
talk about his sister, Meg.
62
00:02:24,988 --> 00:02:26,955
They've never
really gotten along.
63
00:02:26,990 --> 00:02:28,757
Wow, Peter.
In all the years I've known you,
64
00:02:28,792 --> 00:02:29,958
you've never even
mentioned a sister.
65
00:02:29,993 --> 00:02:31,993
Big deal, I don't
talk about my sister.
66
00:02:32,028 --> 00:02:34,395
I also don't talk about
that tickling uncle.
67
00:02:34,431 --> 00:02:36,297
All right, Uncle Dan,
remember: no tickling.
68
00:02:36,333 --> 00:02:38,333
You got it.
69
00:02:40,604 --> 00:02:42,504
You didn't say anything
about Uncle Neil.
70
00:02:42,539 --> 00:02:44,472
Whose uncles are you?
71
00:02:44,508 --> 00:02:46,608
It says here your sister's
coming for Thanksgiving.
72
00:02:46,643 --> 00:02:48,243
She what?
73
00:02:48,278 --> 00:02:49,978
If we're having
guests, can I invite
74
00:02:50,013 --> 00:02:52,380
Rosario Vargas from
the third district,
75
00:02:52,415 --> 00:02:53,982
a leader you
can depend on?
76
00:02:54,017 --> 00:02:55,717
I don't want
Karen here.
77
00:02:55,752 --> 00:02:58,720
Peter, you've been avoiding
your sister for too long.
78
00:02:58,755 --> 00:03:00,822
Besides, she says she's been
having Thanksgiving
79
00:03:00,857 --> 00:03:02,757
with your mother for
the last 20 years.
80
00:03:02,793 --> 00:03:04,292
And now that your mom
has passed,
81
00:03:04,327 --> 00:03:06,561
she'd like to spend
Thanksgiving with you.
82
00:03:11,168 --> 00:03:12,634
No.
83
00:03:12,669 --> 00:03:14,502
Peter, Karen's coming
and that's that.
84
00:03:14,538 --> 00:03:16,905
How cool! I didn't
even know I had an aunt.
85
00:03:16,940 --> 00:03:18,506
I can't wait
to meet her.
86
00:03:18,542 --> 00:03:20,575
Look, I'm telling you guys,
it's gonna be a disaster.
87
00:03:20,610 --> 00:03:23,478
Just like the alternate
ending of Back to the Future.
88
00:03:23,513 --> 00:03:25,213
♪ ♪
89
00:03:28,451 --> 00:03:30,685
Well, if I'm gonna
disappear into nothing,
90
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,320
I might as well bang my mom.
91
00:03:32,355 --> 00:03:34,088
Hey, Lorraine, wait up!
92
00:03:36,326 --> 00:03:38,426
Hi! My name's Marty!
93
00:03:38,461 --> 00:03:40,662
I'm in a picture!
94
00:03:40,697 --> 00:03:42,664
♪ ♪
95
00:03:42,699 --> 00:03:44,666
To be contondered!
96
00:03:49,973 --> 00:03:52,040
We now return to The Cosby Show,
97
00:03:52,075 --> 00:03:54,008
knowing what we know now.
98
00:04:20,437 --> 00:04:23,171
Huh. I was so busy
not seeing color,
99
00:04:23,206 --> 00:04:25,240
I didn't see the raping, either.
100
00:04:25,275 --> 00:04:27,542
Okay, everyone.
It'll be another hour
101
00:04:27,577 --> 00:04:30,645
before the turkey's done,
but I made more appetizers.
102
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:34,082
Ooh, grape jelly on a Triscuit.
You're a whiz.
103
00:04:34,117 --> 00:04:36,084
Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.
Save your appetite.
104
00:04:36,119 --> 00:04:37,552
And don't think
I haven't noticed
105
00:04:37,587 --> 00:04:39,053
you've already had two drinks.
106
00:04:39,089 --> 00:04:41,222
You're, like, all the worst
parts of a girlfriend.
107
00:04:42,525 --> 00:04:44,192
Oh. That must be Karen.
108
00:04:44,227 --> 00:04:46,261
I'll get it. Aunt Karen?
109
00:04:46,296 --> 00:04:49,430
And you must be Meg.
110
00:04:49,466 --> 00:04:51,266
Do that to me!
111
00:04:55,639 --> 00:04:58,506
Wow, it's so cool that I've got
an aunt I didn't know about.
112
00:04:58,541 --> 00:05:01,409
Oh, Karen, I'm so happy
you could make it.
113
00:05:01,444 --> 00:05:04,579
Lois Pewterschmidt.
The one that got away.
114
00:05:04,614 --> 00:05:06,047
I'm just joshing, kid.
115
00:05:06,082 --> 00:05:07,682
Auntie's not a biscuit-bumper.
116
00:05:09,653 --> 00:05:11,519
I'm not, either!
117
00:05:12,656 --> 00:05:14,756
Peter, come say hello
to your sister.
118
00:05:14,791 --> 00:05:17,225
Fine.
119
00:05:17,260 --> 00:05:19,060
Hey, Karen.
Welcome to our...
120
00:05:19,095 --> 00:05:20,962
Bring it in, Pee Pee!
121
00:05:24,167 --> 00:05:25,533
I like her.
122
00:05:25,568 --> 00:05:29,370
Hello. I am City Councilwoman
Rosario Vargas.
123
00:05:29,406 --> 00:05:33,141
Quahog doesn't work if
it doesn't work for all of us.
124
00:05:33,176 --> 00:05:35,944
That's a beautiful
pantsuit, Ms. Vargas.
125
00:05:40,822 --> 00:05:42,121
Wow, Karen,
nice to meet you.
126
00:05:42,157 --> 00:05:43,656
I'm Glenn Quagmire.
127
00:05:43,692 --> 00:05:45,291
I didn't know
Peter even had a sister.
128
00:05:45,327 --> 00:05:47,327
What are you,
ashamed of me, Chin Nuts?
129
00:05:47,362 --> 00:05:50,563
Oh, my God. His chin kind
of does look like nuts.
130
00:05:50,599 --> 00:05:52,465
Ha, ha! I never
noticed that.
131
00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:54,167
How could you
not notice it?
132
00:05:54,202 --> 00:05:57,837
Watch this,
I-I'll punch him in the nuts.
133
00:05:57,872 --> 00:05:59,205
Eh, sort of clever.
134
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:00,506
Wait a second. I know you.
135
00:06:00,542 --> 00:06:01,741
You're that lady wrestler.
136
00:06:01,776 --> 00:06:03,076
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
he's right.
137
00:06:03,111 --> 00:06:04,544
Hey, w-what do they
call you again?
138
00:06:04,579 --> 00:06:07,046
Heavy Flo.
You're Heavy Flo!
139
00:06:07,082 --> 00:06:08,915
In the flesh and blood.
140
00:06:08,950 --> 00:06:11,017
Gross.
Man, you're amazing.
141
00:06:11,052 --> 00:06:13,052
I remember when you called out
Andrea the Giant
142
00:06:13,088 --> 00:06:14,988
the day after September 11.
143
00:06:15,023 --> 00:06:17,223
What just happened was
a national tragedy,
144
00:06:17,258 --> 00:06:19,559
but it's nothing compared
to what I'm gonna do
145
00:06:19,594 --> 00:06:21,427
to Andrea the Giant!
146
00:06:21,463 --> 00:06:23,696
We will never forget
what happened yesterday,
147
00:06:23,732 --> 00:06:27,233
but you'll also never forget
what's gonna happen September 17
148
00:06:27,268 --> 00:06:30,236
at the Jack Witschi
Sports Arena!
149
00:06:30,271 --> 00:06:32,605
Peter, I can't believe you've
kept your sister a secret.
150
00:06:32,641 --> 00:06:34,007
She's amazing!
151
00:06:34,042 --> 00:06:35,408
Yeah, she's crazy strong.
152
00:06:35,443 --> 00:06:37,110
Like Superman on a date.
153
00:06:37,145 --> 00:06:39,545
Yeah, I wasn't here,
but I heard her scream,
154
00:06:39,581 --> 00:06:41,614
so I came flying in
and found her like this.
155
00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:43,449
It's weird.
Same cause of death
156
00:06:43,485 --> 00:06:45,918
as those three guys
in that local public bathroom.
157
00:06:45,954 --> 00:06:48,121
Unsolvable.
158
00:06:51,893 --> 00:06:54,394
Now do you see why I didn't
want Karen here, Lois?
159
00:06:54,429 --> 00:06:56,195
She terrorized me
my whole childhood.
160
00:06:56,231 --> 00:06:58,464
Now she's got to embarrass
me in front of my friends?
161
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,366
Peter, Bonnie just
changed Joe on the table.
162
00:07:00,402 --> 00:07:01,934
What are you
worried about?
163
00:07:01,970 --> 00:07:04,370
Still, I don't want
to go back out there.
164
00:07:04,406 --> 00:07:05,972
Look, I know
you've had your differences,
165
00:07:06,007 --> 00:07:07,140
but Karen's your sister.
166
00:07:07,175 --> 00:07:08,975
And you're grown-ups now.
167
00:07:09,010 --> 00:07:12,145
Can't you just go out there
and pretend to have a good time?
168
00:07:12,180 --> 00:07:13,479
Fine, I'll play along.
169
00:07:13,515 --> 00:07:15,648
I guess I've lied before.
170
00:07:18,086 --> 00:07:19,986
Where you going?
Home.
171
00:07:20,021 --> 00:07:21,487
Where's home?
172
00:07:21,523 --> 00:07:23,156
The White House.
173
00:07:26,928 --> 00:07:28,428
Okay, I'm here.
This is my house.
174
00:07:28,463 --> 00:07:30,263
You can go now.
Thanks for taking me home.
175
00:07:30,298 --> 00:07:31,431
Go ahead, go inside.
176
00:07:31,466 --> 00:07:32,999
I will.
You can drive away now.
177
00:07:33,034 --> 00:07:35,735
No, no, I-I want to make
sure you get inside safe.
178
00:07:35,770 --> 00:07:37,670
Yeah, but I-I got to look
through the mail first.
179
00:07:37,706 --> 00:07:39,172
You know how it is.
Really, I insist.
180
00:07:39,207 --> 00:07:40,807
I-It's totally okay. Go.
181
00:07:40,842 --> 00:07:42,975
At this point, it's more
about me than it is you.
182
00:07:43,011 --> 00:07:44,310
It's a bad
neighborhood.
183
00:07:44,345 --> 00:07:45,912
If I don't see
you go inside,
184
00:07:45,947 --> 00:07:47,947
I'll be thinking
about it all night.
185
00:08:04,365 --> 00:08:07,366
Uh... come on in,
Mr. President!
186
00:08:20,715 --> 00:08:23,816
And then, so I'm like, "Peter,
how was I supposed to know
187
00:08:23,852 --> 00:08:26,119
you didn't want your teammates
to know you wore a bra?"
188
00:08:28,022 --> 00:08:30,623
It was a custom-designed
sports halter top.
189
00:08:30,658 --> 00:08:32,225
More stories!
More stories!
190
00:08:32,260 --> 00:08:34,494
Hey, tell one where
Peter is a nincompoop
191
00:08:34,529 --> 00:08:35,995
or maybe a Silly Billy.
192
00:08:37,532 --> 00:08:38,898
Oh, man.
193
00:08:38,933 --> 00:08:40,333
Okay, let's just
carve the turkey.
194
00:08:40,368 --> 00:08:41,901
Oh, Aunt Karen
already carved it.
195
00:08:41,936 --> 00:08:43,836
She did?
But that's my thing.
196
00:08:43,872 --> 00:08:46,839
I always do my "are you a leg
man or a breast man" joke.
197
00:08:46,875 --> 00:08:48,074
Aunt Karen
did that, too.
198
00:08:48,109 --> 00:08:49,542
It was hilarious.
199
00:08:49,577 --> 00:08:51,978
I never really got it
until she said it.
200
00:08:52,013 --> 00:08:53,379
Ha, ha!
201
00:08:55,250 --> 00:08:56,783
Hey, Karen,
later you got to show us
202
00:08:56,818 --> 00:08:58,117
some of your wrestling holds.
203
00:08:58,153 --> 00:09:00,193
Yeah, what's that trademark
finishing move of yours?
204
00:09:00,221 --> 00:09:01,521
The Toxic Shock.
205
00:09:01,556 --> 00:09:03,022
Oh, yeah,
that move is badass!
206
00:09:03,057 --> 00:09:05,424
You're awesome.
Know what else is awesome?
207
00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:07,393
This stuffing.
Thank you, Glenn.
208
00:09:07,428 --> 00:09:08,928
You're welcome.
I'm in a good mood.
209
00:09:08,963 --> 00:09:10,830
Sure, what the hell,
I'll show you my moves.
210
00:09:10,865 --> 00:09:12,198
Maybe after dinner.
211
00:09:12,233 --> 00:09:14,367
No, no, no. The family
football game is after dinner.
212
00:09:14,402 --> 00:09:15,968
We do it every year!
213
00:09:16,004 --> 00:09:17,970
Peter, calm down.
You're making a scene.
214
00:09:18,006 --> 00:09:20,907
It's not my fault, Lois.
She's ruining Thanksgiving!
215
00:09:20,942 --> 00:09:23,709
The way Tim Burton
ruined the Fourth of July!
216
00:09:28,149 --> 00:09:31,851
♪ Spooky! Happy!
Spooky! Happy! ♪
217
00:09:31,886 --> 00:09:33,319
♪ Weirdness! Weirdness! ♪
218
00:09:33,354 --> 00:09:35,054
♪ Spooky! Happy! ♪
219
00:09:35,089 --> 00:09:36,989
♪ La, la, la! ♪
220
00:09:37,025 --> 00:09:38,624
♪ Weirdness, weirdness ♪
221
00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:40,359
♪ Patriotic weirdness ♪
222
00:09:40,395 --> 00:09:42,028
♪ Barbecuing human heads ♪
223
00:09:42,063 --> 00:09:43,663
♪ Every president is dead ♪
224
00:09:43,698 --> 00:09:45,464
♪ Everybody's gonna die ♪
225
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:47,333
♪ Have a dark and dead July! ♪
226
00:09:49,137 --> 00:09:53,940
Fat chicks with black hair
get tattoos of me!
227
00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:03,916
God, I love this time of year.
228
00:10:03,952 --> 00:10:06,252
It's just past
all the amazing colors of fall,
229
00:10:06,287 --> 00:10:08,120
and before the white of winter.
230
00:10:08,156 --> 00:10:10,089
Just brown and gray.
231
00:10:10,124 --> 00:10:11,457
Magical.
232
00:10:11,492 --> 00:10:12,925
All right, let's do this.
233
00:10:12,961 --> 00:10:14,460
All right, listen up,
I'm the captain.
234
00:10:14,495 --> 00:10:16,596
The teams are chosen by
a lottery system where...
235
00:10:16,631 --> 00:10:18,331
Aunt Karen, can I
be on your team?
236
00:10:18,366 --> 00:10:19,498
Yeah, yeah, me, too!
237
00:10:19,534 --> 00:10:21,300
Uh, yeah, sure,
I'll take, uh,
238
00:10:21,336 --> 00:10:24,470
Meg, Skinny,
Hot Chocolate and The Bus.
239
00:10:24,505 --> 00:10:25,905
Pee Pee, you get
the crumbs.
240
00:10:25,940 --> 00:10:27,073
Let's go.
241
00:10:27,108 --> 00:10:28,574
All right, let's do it, Pop!
242
00:10:28,610 --> 00:10:30,843
I'm gonna make some
sports points for you!
243
00:10:30,879 --> 00:10:32,044
We'll kick off.
244
00:10:34,949 --> 00:10:35,915
Hey, time-out!
245
00:10:35,950 --> 00:10:37,283
Did anyone tape the parade?
246
00:10:37,318 --> 00:10:39,352
Please tell me
someone taped the parade!
247
00:10:44,893 --> 00:10:47,426
Oh, my God! She's
doing The Toxic Shock!
248
00:10:56,471 --> 00:11:01,607
Y-Y-You're a j-jerk, K-K-Karen!
249
00:11:01,643 --> 00:11:03,075
What the hell was that?
250
00:11:03,111 --> 00:11:04,443
That's his stutter.
251
00:11:04,479 --> 00:11:07,046
And whenever he stutters,
he usually pees his pants.
252
00:11:07,081 --> 00:11:10,249
N-No, I... d-d-don't.
253
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,853
Oh.
254
00:11:15,990 --> 00:11:17,423
So this is football.
255
00:11:17,458 --> 00:11:18,758
I like it.
256
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,033
Hi, Dad.
257
00:11:27,068 --> 00:11:29,535
Look, I-I just want you to know,
I feel bad about what happened
258
00:11:29,570 --> 00:11:31,237
with you and Aunt Karen
the other day.
259
00:11:31,272 --> 00:11:34,040
Oh, you mean when she put me in
that no-bottom James Bond chair
260
00:11:34,075 --> 00:11:35,508
and assaulted my grundle?
261
00:11:35,543 --> 00:11:36,943
I didn't even
know about that.
262
00:11:36,978 --> 00:11:39,378
Well, that's 'cause
it didn't happen.
263
00:11:39,414 --> 00:11:41,414
I'd kick her ass if she
tried something like that!
264
00:11:41,449 --> 00:11:44,750
Dad, stop. Even I can see
that your sister's a huge bully.
265
00:11:44,786 --> 00:11:47,820
And trust me, I know more about
getting bullied than anyone.
266
00:11:47,855 --> 00:11:50,089
You do? How?
267
00:11:50,124 --> 00:11:53,960
♪ Celebrate good times,
come on ♪
268
00:11:53,995 --> 00:11:55,962
♪ Let's celebrate ♪
269
00:11:55,997 --> 00:11:57,596
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh ♪
270
00:11:57,632 --> 00:12:01,968
♪ Celebrate good times,
come on. ♪
271
00:12:03,304 --> 00:12:05,538
Man, I love that song.
272
00:12:05,573 --> 00:12:07,640
Dad, what I'm trying
to tell you is,
273
00:12:07,675 --> 00:12:10,209
I now see why you've been
so tough on me all these years.
274
00:12:10,244 --> 00:12:11,610
'Cause it makes
my friends laugh?
275
00:12:11,646 --> 00:12:13,946
No, because that's how
Aunt Karen treated you
276
00:12:13,982 --> 00:12:15,114
when you were a kid.
277
00:12:16,718 --> 00:12:19,452
That's right. And that's why
you need to confront Karen.
278
00:12:19,487 --> 00:12:21,320
Oh, no. Oh, no.
No, I can't do that.
279
00:12:21,356 --> 00:12:23,089
I tried for years
to stand up to her.
280
00:12:23,124 --> 00:12:24,124
Nothing ever worked.
281
00:12:24,158 --> 00:12:25,624
What, so now
you're gonna quit?
282
00:12:25,660 --> 00:12:26,625
You can't quit.
283
00:12:26,661 --> 00:12:28,661
What if Muhammad Ali had quit?
284
00:12:28,696 --> 00:12:30,663
Ah, my grandchildren!
285
00:12:30,698 --> 00:12:32,531
Who would like me
to read them a book,
286
00:12:32,567 --> 00:12:34,834
or maybe paint their name
on a grain of rice?
287
00:12:34,869 --> 00:12:36,769
Honey, dinnertime!
288
00:12:36,804 --> 00:12:38,070
Ah, my favorite.
289
00:12:38,106 --> 00:12:39,839
Hot soup.
290
00:12:39,874 --> 00:12:41,540
Right in there.
291
00:12:41,576 --> 00:12:43,909
Dad, I know you can
stand up to Aunt Karen.
292
00:12:43,945 --> 00:12:47,179
And maybe if you finally do,
she'll stop terrorizing you,
293
00:12:47,215 --> 00:12:49,181
and you won't have to
take it out on me
294
00:12:49,217 --> 00:12:50,449
for the rest of my life.
295
00:12:50,485 --> 00:12:52,084
You know what, Meg?
296
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,153
You're right!
I'm gonna do it!
297
00:12:54,188 --> 00:12:55,154
You are?
298
00:12:55,189 --> 00:12:56,155
Damn right!
299
00:12:56,190 --> 00:12:57,390
Yay, Dad!
300
00:12:57,425 --> 00:12:59,358
I am gonna become
a lady wrestler
301
00:12:59,394 --> 00:13:01,727
and defeat Heavy Flo
in the ring.
302
00:13:01,763 --> 00:13:03,295
Wait. What?! No! What?!
303
00:13:03,331 --> 00:13:04,730
I meant go talk to her.
304
00:13:04,766 --> 00:13:06,665
Nope, it's got to be a
lady wrestling match.
305
00:13:06,701 --> 00:13:08,334
Hey, Meg,
Thanksgiving's over.
306
00:13:08,369 --> 00:13:11,203
Come help me
with the Christmas decorations.
307
00:13:11,239 --> 00:13:13,072
Meg! Help me with
the Christmas decorations!
308
00:13:19,187 --> 00:13:20,920
Comments? Questions?
309
00:13:20,956 --> 00:13:22,088
What the hell are you...
310
00:13:22,124 --> 00:13:23,656
I'm sorry. Chris had
his hand up first.
311
00:13:23,692 --> 00:13:24,657
Chris?
312
00:13:24,693 --> 00:13:26,493
What's the capital
of Maryland?
313
00:13:26,528 --> 00:13:28,495
I do not know, but that's
a very good question.
314
00:13:28,530 --> 00:13:29,496
Now, Lois?
315
00:13:29,531 --> 00:13:31,631
Peter, what the hell
are you doing?!
316
00:13:31,666 --> 00:13:33,233
First, it's not Peter.
317
00:13:33,268 --> 00:13:35,935
When I am in this outfit,
I am Maxi Paddy,
318
00:13:35,971 --> 00:13:38,338
the fiercest enemy of Heavy Flo.
319
00:13:38,373 --> 00:13:40,273
Peter, you look--
okay, that's clever--
320
00:13:40,308 --> 00:13:42,008
but, Peter,
you look ridiculous.
321
00:13:42,043 --> 00:13:43,109
Take that off.
322
00:13:43,145 --> 00:13:44,911
If you want to settle things
with your sister,
323
00:13:44,946 --> 00:13:46,246
just go talk to her.
324
00:13:46,281 --> 00:13:48,782
No, Lois, the only way to
settle a family dispute
325
00:13:48,817 --> 00:13:50,083
is in the cage.
326
00:13:50,118 --> 00:13:51,217
I mean, you don't understand.
327
00:13:51,253 --> 00:13:52,452
Karen made me feel worse than
328
00:13:52,487 --> 00:13:54,788
a guy getting cut
from a baseball team.
329
00:13:54,823 --> 00:13:56,055
You wanted to
see me, Coach?
330
00:13:56,091 --> 00:13:58,191
I'm sorry, Kyle.
You can't do this boring,
331
00:13:58,226 --> 00:13:59,926
stupid thing with us.
332
00:14:03,498 --> 00:14:06,266
All right, Peter,
your sister's the real deal.
333
00:14:06,301 --> 00:14:09,035
So I arranged for you
to get some combat pointers
334
00:14:09,070 --> 00:14:11,704
from my old buddy,
Steven Seagal.
335
00:14:11,740 --> 00:14:14,607
Uh, this... this fat guy?
336
00:14:14,643 --> 00:14:17,010
Yup. Go on, ask him anything.
337
00:14:17,045 --> 00:14:18,645
How... how did...?
338
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:20,346
Uh, why-why you so fat?
339
00:14:20,382 --> 00:14:22,849
Okay, ask him about
anything but his weight.
340
00:14:22,884 --> 00:14:24,117
Uh...
341
00:14:24,152 --> 00:14:26,986
uh, you act Asian,
you look Native American,
342
00:14:27,022 --> 00:14:28,888
your name is possibly Jewish.
343
00:14:28,924 --> 00:14:30,390
What are you?
344
00:14:30,425 --> 00:14:31,791
He fat.
345
00:14:33,328 --> 00:14:35,562
All right, Peter,
most professional wrestlers
346
00:14:35,597 --> 00:14:37,831
become addicted to painkillers
at some point.
347
00:14:37,866 --> 00:14:40,266
So I figure,
why don't we just start now?
348
00:14:40,302 --> 00:14:43,136
Uh... okay,
yeah, I'm in.
349
00:14:43,171 --> 00:14:44,404
Where you getting
all these?
350
00:14:44,439 --> 00:14:46,005
Stepdaughter's purse.
351
00:14:46,041 --> 00:14:48,208
Ain't my problem.
352
00:14:48,243 --> 00:14:53,012
Man, I love putting my hand down
my pants when I'm on drugs.
353
00:14:53,048 --> 00:14:57,150
We should just go live on a
boat in some guy's backyard.
354
00:14:57,185 --> 00:14:59,419
So, you gonna do
that wrestling stuff?
355
00:14:59,454 --> 00:15:01,354
Nah, I'm gonna
stick with these.
356
00:15:01,389 --> 00:15:04,157
I would crime
for more of these.
357
00:15:05,694 --> 00:15:07,794
Okay, now if you're gonna defeat
your sister in the ring,
358
00:15:07,829 --> 00:15:09,662
you got to get to the root
of your fears.
359
00:15:09,698 --> 00:15:11,531
We got to go back
to your childhood,
360
00:15:11,566 --> 00:15:13,299
so I'm gonna
hypnotize you.
361
00:15:13,335 --> 00:15:15,535
Okay, go back.
362
00:15:15,570 --> 00:15:17,904
Now, we need to go
back in time.
363
00:15:20,742 --> 00:15:22,709
My jeans are husky.
364
00:15:22,744 --> 00:15:24,844
Okay, further. Further.
365
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,479
Little further.
366
00:15:26,514 --> 00:15:29,048
Now, open your eyes
and tell me what you see.
367
00:15:29,084 --> 00:15:32,585
I see the six
stations of the Lord's order,
368
00:15:32,621 --> 00:15:34,888
and they will all burn!
369
00:15:34,923 --> 00:15:36,322
Okay, too far!
Too far! Too far!
370
00:15:36,358 --> 00:15:37,624
Come back. Come back.
371
00:15:37,659 --> 00:15:38,958
Come back.
372
00:15:38,994 --> 00:15:40,927
Hey,
can I make my husky jeans
373
00:15:40,962 --> 00:15:42,695
into cutoffs
for swimming?
374
00:15:42,731 --> 00:15:44,097
Ah, forget it. You're ready.
375
00:15:44,132 --> 00:15:46,132
Yeah, Peter.
I think you're gonna win!
376
00:15:46,167 --> 00:15:48,568
All right! Hey, thanks for
all your help, you guys.
377
00:15:48,603 --> 00:15:50,003
You know, there's
only two things
378
00:15:50,038 --> 00:15:51,537
I've wanted to do
my whole life:
379
00:15:51,573 --> 00:15:54,874
put my sister in her place
and go to Chico's Monkey Farm.
380
00:15:54,910 --> 00:15:55,875
♪ ♪
381
00:15:55,911 --> 00:15:58,244
♪ Chico's Monkey Farm ♪
382
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,246
♪ Come and have
a howling good time ♪
383
00:16:00,282 --> 00:16:02,248
♪ Ooh-ooh, aah-aah,ooh-ooh, aah-aah ♪
384
00:16:02,284 --> 00:16:04,484
♪ Chico's Monkey Farm ♪
385
00:16:04,519 --> 00:16:06,486
♪ The only drive-through
monkey farm ♪
386
00:16:06,521 --> 00:16:07,754
♪ In Northern
Southern Rhode Island ♪
387
00:16:07,789 --> 00:16:08,588
♪ Ooh, aah! ♪
388
00:16:08,623 --> 00:16:10,490
♪ Chico's Monkey Farm ♪
389
00:16:10,525 --> 00:16:13,993
♪ After a prolonged litigation,
we're finally open again ♪
390
00:16:14,029 --> 00:16:14,827
♪ Ooh, aah! ♪
391
00:16:14,863 --> 00:16:16,596
♪ Chico's Monkey Farm ♪
392
00:16:16,631 --> 00:16:18,731
♪ There's a fair amount
of paperwork ♪
393
00:16:18,767 --> 00:16:22,335
♪ Before you get to see a monkey
so allow for extra time ♪
394
00:16:22,370 --> 00:16:23,269
♪ Ooh, aah! ♪
395
00:16:23,305 --> 00:16:25,271
♪ Chico's Monkey Farm ♪
396
00:16:25,307 --> 00:16:27,840
♪ Keep your windows rolled up
'cause the monkeys ♪
397
00:16:27,876 --> 00:16:30,677
♪ Will pry 'em open and
they're known to strangle kids ♪
398
00:16:30,712 --> 00:16:32,912
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, aah-aah-aah! ♪
399
00:16:32,948 --> 00:16:36,249
Chico's Monkey Farm!Now open pending how it goes.
400
00:16:48,563 --> 00:16:51,331
And we've got quite a match
tonight between Heavy Flo
401
00:16:51,366 --> 00:16:52,999
and another woman
whose name I've forgotten
402
00:16:53,034 --> 00:16:54,634
but I'm sure is a gross pun.
403
00:16:54,669 --> 00:16:56,069
Right you are, Bill.
404
00:16:56,104 --> 00:16:58,972
Tonight, she's up against
Her Vajesty's Secret Cervix.
405
00:16:59,007 --> 00:17:01,240
Interesting fact:
these two gals have
406
00:17:01,276 --> 00:17:03,743
over eight meters of
ass crack between them.
407
00:17:03,778 --> 00:17:05,478
One! Two! Three!
408
00:17:06,581 --> 00:17:07,981
It's over!
409
00:17:08,016 --> 00:17:13,553
And once again, a Heavy Flo has
ruined another lady's evening!
410
00:17:15,090 --> 00:17:17,323
You ain't no champ!
411
00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:19,525
Not till you go through me!
412
00:17:19,561 --> 00:17:20,860
Who the hell are you?!
413
00:17:20,895 --> 00:17:24,364
I'm Maxi Paddy, which is
short for Maxine Patricia.
414
00:17:24,399 --> 00:17:26,766
I was named after my father,
Maxwell Patrick.
415
00:17:26,801 --> 00:17:28,034
But that's enough about me.
416
00:17:28,069 --> 00:17:29,836
I'm here to kick your ass!
417
00:17:29,871 --> 00:17:31,070
Get out of here!
418
00:17:31,106 --> 00:17:33,573
I'm not fighting some fat loser
from the crowd.
419
00:17:33,608 --> 00:17:36,576
Huh. It looks like
this Heavy Flo is pee,
420
00:17:36,611 --> 00:17:38,611
because you're yellow!
421
00:17:38,646 --> 00:17:39,879
Oh!
422
00:17:39,914 --> 00:17:41,180
Well, that didn't
quite track,
423
00:17:41,216 --> 00:17:43,149
but the crowd
seems to be on board.
424
00:17:43,184 --> 00:17:44,184
It sure does!
425
00:17:44,219 --> 00:17:46,519
Looks like Heavy Flo
has a challenger!
426
00:17:46,554 --> 00:17:48,788
All right, get up here,
but make it quick.
427
00:17:48,823 --> 00:17:51,391
I got a Lampoon
reunion to get to.
428
00:17:51,426 --> 00:17:53,159
Heavy Flo, always
finding a way
429
00:17:53,194 --> 00:17:55,461
to drop her Harvard degree
into conversation.
430
00:17:55,497 --> 00:17:57,330
Yes, very
off-putting, Bill.
431
00:17:57,365 --> 00:18:00,233
Those of us who went to Harvard
really don't appreciate it.
432
00:18:06,374 --> 00:18:07,874
Ow! Damn it, Karen!
433
00:18:07,909 --> 00:18:08,975
Karen?
434
00:18:09,010 --> 00:18:10,243
Peter, is that you?
435
00:18:10,278 --> 00:18:11,511
What are you doing here?
436
00:18:11,546 --> 00:18:14,180
Something I should have done
a long time ago.
437
00:18:14,215 --> 00:18:17,050
I'm tired of you bullying me!
You're going down!
438
00:18:17,085 --> 00:18:18,217
Butt-scratcher?!
439
00:18:18,253 --> 00:18:19,519
Butt-scratcher!
440
00:18:19,554 --> 00:18:21,421
♪ ♪
441
00:18:46,514 --> 00:18:49,482
D-D-D-Don't, K-K-Karen!
442
00:18:49,517 --> 00:18:52,251
Toxic Shock! Toxic Shock!
443
00:18:54,322 --> 00:18:56,589
Oh, my God,
she's taking it too far!
444
00:18:56,624 --> 00:18:58,891
Heavy Flo is gonna break
this girl's arms!
445
00:18:58,927 --> 00:18:59,992
Woman's arms.
446
00:19:00,028 --> 00:19:01,294
Come on, Bill.
447
00:19:01,329 --> 00:19:03,329
N-N-No!
448
00:19:03,364 --> 00:19:05,431
Tell... Stewie...
449
00:19:05,467 --> 00:19:07,733
he's in charge of the show now.
450
00:19:10,271 --> 00:19:13,506
Say hello to Teen LaQueefa!
451
00:19:14,542 --> 00:19:17,510
One! Two! Three!
452
00:19:18,813 --> 00:19:20,012
I don't believe it!
453
00:19:20,048 --> 00:19:23,349
Heavy Flo is down, and
we have a new champion!
454
00:19:23,384 --> 00:19:25,485
I tell you, this is
one for the books,
455
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,620
if anyone kept track
of this nonsense!
456
00:19:27,655 --> 00:19:30,022
Wow, you really
saved me!
457
00:19:30,058 --> 00:19:31,190
Thanks, stranger.
458
00:19:31,226 --> 00:19:32,859
Dad, it's me.
459
00:19:32,894 --> 00:19:35,394
Meg?
460
00:19:35,430 --> 00:19:37,296
It was you who saved me?
461
00:19:37,332 --> 00:19:38,764
That's right, Dad.
462
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,400
Wow, even after all the
crummy stuff I've done to you?
463
00:19:41,436 --> 00:19:43,536
But why?
Because you're my dad.
464
00:19:43,571 --> 00:19:45,938
And I couldn't stand by
and watch you get hurt.
465
00:19:45,974 --> 00:19:47,507
Wow. Thanks, Meg.
466
00:19:47,542 --> 00:19:49,509
You know, that's something
even my own mom and dad
467
00:19:49,544 --> 00:19:50,776
never did for me.
468
00:19:50,812 --> 00:19:53,012
They just stood by and
let Karen pick on me.
469
00:19:53,047 --> 00:19:55,548
Well, you deserve better.
We all do.
470
00:19:55,583 --> 00:19:57,817
You know, Meg, I'm really sorry
471
00:19:57,852 --> 00:20:00,052
I treated you so badly
over the years.
472
00:20:00,088 --> 00:20:02,989
I guess I was taking out
all the pain I felt on you.
473
00:20:03,024 --> 00:20:06,425
I understand.
Better than anybody.
474
00:20:06,461 --> 00:20:08,427
But I still love you, Dad.
475
00:20:08,463 --> 00:20:10,429
I love you, too, Meg.
476
00:20:14,669 --> 00:20:18,538
Did somebody order
a hot-ass bitch and this lady?
477
00:20:18,573 --> 00:20:20,006
Oh, you're alive.
478
00:20:20,041 --> 00:20:22,175
Sorry, I was told
I was in charge now.
479
00:20:22,210 --> 00:20:23,976
Well, if you die,
this is kind of
480
00:20:24,012 --> 00:20:26,579
the creative direction
I'm leaning toward.
481
00:20:30,485 --> 00:20:32,118
Well, I'm proud of you, Dad.
482
00:20:32,153 --> 00:20:33,920
You finally stood up
for yourself.
483
00:20:33,955 --> 00:20:36,022
So, Peter,
have you talked to Karen?
484
00:20:36,057 --> 00:20:39,058
I called, like, four times, but
she's not out of the coma yet.
485
00:20:39,093 --> 00:20:40,593
Apparently, they usually
use fake chairs,
486
00:20:40,628 --> 00:20:42,028
but Meg used a real one.
487
00:20:42,063 --> 00:20:43,529
Do they think
she's gonna survive?
488
00:20:43,565 --> 00:20:45,131
It could go either way.
489
00:20:45,166 --> 00:20:49,945
Hello? No, I think I'm a
different blood type.
490
00:20:50,045 --> 00:20:52,276
No, I don't
want to check.
491
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,409
Doctor says there's
nothing they can do.
492
00:20:54,444 --> 00:20:57,445
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
36120
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