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1
00:00:00,626 --> 00:00:03,960
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:07,230
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,232 --> 00:00:10,900
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:10,902 --> 00:00:13,903
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:13,905 --> 00:00:17,374
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:17,376 --> 00:00:20,777
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:20,779 --> 00:00:22,279
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,281 --> 00:00:23,713
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:23,715 --> 00:00:29,452
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:33,792 --> 00:00:36,459
Aw, man, I've been dying
to see Maniac Pope 2.
11
00:00:36,461 --> 00:00:37,827
The first one
was awesome.
12
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:39,496
Is this one of
those theaters
13
00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,498
where they bring your beef stew
right to your seat?
14
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,666
What? That's
not a thing.
15
00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:44,267
Sure is.
16
00:00:44,269 --> 00:00:47,170
Don't get mad at me 'cause
you don't know nothing fancy.
17
00:00:57,649 --> 00:00:59,416
I feel like I'm
being watched.
18
00:00:59,418 --> 00:01:00,984
Of course
you are, silly.
19
00:01:00,986 --> 00:01:03,219
The Lord is always
watching us.
20
00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:06,556
(suspenseful music playing)
21
00:01:14,666 --> 00:01:17,534
May the sword
be with you.
22
00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:19,336
(gasps)
23
00:01:19,338 --> 00:01:21,871
And also with you!
24
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,873
Geez, this movie sucks.
25
00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,308
I know,
it's terrible.
26
00:01:25,310 --> 00:01:26,876
(whispering): Excuse me,
who had the stroganoff
27
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:28,144
with the roasted
potatoes?
28
00:01:28,146 --> 00:01:29,779
CLEVELAND:
Right here.
29
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:35,051
Thank you for seeing me,
Your Excellency.
30
00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:36,486
Of course.
31
00:01:36,488 --> 00:01:38,221
What did you say your
name was, my child?
32
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:40,924
Lucy.
33
00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:44,260
You've been "Lucified."
34
00:01:48,834 --> 00:01:50,200
That was awful.
35
00:01:50,202 --> 00:01:52,168
I know. They just redid
all the same stuff
36
00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:53,870
from the first Maniac Pope.
37
00:01:53,872 --> 00:01:55,238
Yeah, like in the first
Maniac Pope,
38
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,874
he says to Bruce,
"You've been Brucified."
39
00:01:57,876 --> 00:01:58,875
Like, that's smart,
right?
40
00:01:58,877 --> 00:02:00,243
That's a smart line.
41
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:02,212
But he did the same thing
twice in this movie.
42
00:02:02,214 --> 00:02:04,848
Once to Lucy and once earlier
when he found that wild goose.
43
00:02:04,850 --> 00:02:06,583
It's just
bad writing.
44
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,184
Yeah, I mean, we could write
a better horror movie than that.
45
00:02:08,186 --> 00:02:10,019
Really? You
think we could?
46
00:02:10,021 --> 00:02:13,890
Absolutely. I'm as creative as
the first spider to spin a web.
47
00:02:13,892 --> 00:02:15,592
Hey, you know how
we always dreamed
48
00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,560
about having a house
that comes out of our butts?
49
00:02:17,562 --> 00:02:18,595
Uh, what?
50
00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:19,596
Eh?
51
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:21,931
Yeah. Butt-house.
52
00:02:26,538 --> 00:02:28,538
I found your cigarettes.
53
00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:30,240
That's all I'm gonna say.
54
00:02:30,242 --> 00:02:31,508
Morning, everybody.
55
00:02:31,510 --> 00:02:33,576
And the crisis
continues.
56
00:02:33,578 --> 00:02:34,577
(chuckling):
What, these?
57
00:02:34,579 --> 00:02:35,678
Come on.
58
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,580
Last thing I want
is attention.
59
00:02:37,582 --> 00:02:39,582
It's just that when you've
read as many books as I have,
60
00:02:39,584 --> 00:02:41,184
it-it takes a toll,
you know?
61
00:02:41,186 --> 00:02:42,585
You sure it's not
from watching
62
00:02:42,587 --> 00:02:44,587
too much close-up
porn on your phone?
63
00:02:44,589 --> 00:02:46,256
(chuckling): You know,
I wouldn't be surprised
64
00:02:46,258 --> 00:02:47,557
if they have that now.
65
00:02:47,559 --> 00:02:49,592
Brian, what do you
want for breakfast?
66
00:02:49,594 --> 00:02:51,094
Uh, hold on.
67
00:02:53,899 --> 00:02:56,566
What do I want?
68
00:02:56,568 --> 00:02:58,935
You're so full of it.
You don't need those things.
69
00:02:58,937 --> 00:03:00,537
Wait, who said that?
70
00:03:00,539 --> 00:03:01,905
Oh, Stewie.
71
00:03:01,907 --> 00:03:03,206
You are just horrible.
72
00:03:03,208 --> 00:03:04,541
You're even worse
than those people
73
00:03:04,543 --> 00:03:06,309
who take dumps
in the shower.
74
00:03:07,446 --> 00:03:08,445
What?
75
00:03:08,447 --> 00:03:09,746
W-Why are you cutting to me?
76
00:03:09,748 --> 00:03:11,080
What did somebody say?
77
00:03:11,082 --> 00:03:13,783
Whatever they said I do,
I don't do.
78
00:03:17,222 --> 00:03:19,556
All right, I got a
horror movie idea.
79
00:03:19,558 --> 00:03:21,224
It's called
Cereal Killer.
80
00:03:21,226 --> 00:03:24,494
A serial killer who only
kills people who eat cereal.
81
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:27,230
Wait, what... what if God
is a serial killer?
82
00:03:27,232 --> 00:03:30,834
He lowers the average lifespan
of humans to 65,
83
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:34,337
but there are many exceptions
based on genetics and diet.
84
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:37,740
That's stupid-- I ain't never
heard of somebody lived to 65.
85
00:03:37,742 --> 00:03:39,809
Look, I think the problem is
this is a bar.
86
00:03:39,811 --> 00:03:41,144
We can't get inspired here.
87
00:03:41,146 --> 00:03:42,612
We have to go someplace
scary, you know?
88
00:03:42,614 --> 00:03:43,980
To put us in the mood.
89
00:03:43,982 --> 00:03:46,449
I got it: the old Quahog Asylum.
90
00:03:46,451 --> 00:03:48,151
What?! We can't go there.
91
00:03:48,153 --> 00:03:50,153
That place has been
abandoned for years.
92
00:03:50,155 --> 00:03:52,522
And they say it's haunted
by a ghost with a hook-hand.
93
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,157
That's why it's
the perfect place.
94
00:03:54,159 --> 00:03:55,592
If we want to write
a scary movie,
95
00:03:55,594 --> 00:03:56,860
we need to do it
somewhere scary.
96
00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:58,528
Well, I guess
we could try it.
97
00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:01,130
We have sort of just been
spinning our wheels here.
98
00:04:01,132 --> 00:04:02,432
No offense, Joe.
99
00:04:02,434 --> 00:04:04,434
(sighs) I guess
Cleveland's right.
100
00:04:04,436 --> 00:04:06,436
So far, this has been
a bigger waste of time
101
00:04:06,438 --> 00:04:08,705
than an acceptance speech
at the Asperger's Awards.
102
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:10,707
I'd like to thank
everyone I've ever met,
103
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,042
in the order that I met them,
last name first,
104
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:16,346
and if anyone interrupts me,
I'll have to start over.
105
00:04:26,358 --> 00:04:28,358
(thunder crashes)
106
00:04:31,496 --> 00:04:33,730
♪ ♪
107
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:48,878
(thunder crashes)
108
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:50,313
This place
is terrible.
109
00:04:50,315 --> 00:04:51,714
Are you kidding?
110
00:04:51,716 --> 00:04:53,249
It's the perfect place
to write a horror movie.
111
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,417
All right, well, I got an idea.
112
00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,019
You know, I like
them horror movies
113
00:04:56,021 --> 00:04:57,820
where you got a couple
of teenagers getting busy
114
00:04:57,822 --> 00:04:59,722
in their car at Makeout Point,
115
00:04:59,724 --> 00:05:01,991
but there's a killer
on the loose.
116
00:05:07,566 --> 00:05:10,900
Hey, Stacy, what do you say
we go all the way tonight?
117
00:05:10,902 --> 00:05:13,336
And then I unload
on the sun visors.
118
00:05:13,338 --> 00:05:14,938
Is that all
you ever think about?
119
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,940
And besides, Richie,
aren't you worried
120
00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:19,342
about what the man on the radio
is saying right now?
121
00:05:19,344 --> 00:05:22,512
TOM TUCKER:
Another dead teenage couple
was found at Makeout Point,
122
00:05:22,514 --> 00:05:24,447
clawed beyond recognition.
123
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:25,715
You see?
124
00:05:25,717 --> 00:05:27,183
There's a dangerous
creature out there.
125
00:05:27,185 --> 00:05:29,852
Oh, what, you mean the
big, rabid, slobbery cat
126
00:05:29,854 --> 00:05:31,454
what's been scratching
people to death?
127
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:33,189
I don't believe
it exists, Stacy.
128
00:05:33,191 --> 00:05:35,592
Now, help me get the right
angle and lower the visor.
129
00:05:35,594 --> 00:05:37,560
(cat yowls in distance)
130
00:05:37,562 --> 00:05:38,895
Richie,
did you hear that?
131
00:05:38,897 --> 00:05:40,196
Will you calm down?
132
00:05:40,198 --> 00:05:41,598
We're the only
ones out here...
133
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:42,799
(screams)
134
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,367
Rrrawwwr!
135
00:05:44,369 --> 00:05:45,401
(screaming)
136
00:05:45,403 --> 00:05:46,936
(screams)
137
00:05:46,938 --> 00:05:48,137
Oh, my God!
138
00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:49,739
(screaming)
139
00:05:49,741 --> 00:05:50,974
(screaming)
140
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:53,476
(screaming)
141
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:56,012
(roars)
142
00:05:57,115 --> 00:05:59,082
Wait, you were the guy
and the cat?
143
00:05:59,084 --> 00:06:00,750
And what's with
that visor stuff?
144
00:06:00,752 --> 00:06:02,552
Did Richie achieve
release?
145
00:06:02,554 --> 00:06:03,820
Okay, of the three of you,
146
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,321
Cleveland's the only one
who gets it.
147
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,256
That's an awful idea.
Well, I got one.
148
00:06:07,258 --> 00:06:09,492
We should write one of them
zombie movies
149
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,128
where a guy wakes up in a
comfortable cotton hospital gown
150
00:06:12,130 --> 00:06:15,264
with the back open so there's
a nice breeze on your behind,
151
00:06:15,266 --> 00:06:17,133
and he's like, "This ain't bad."
152
00:06:17,135 --> 00:06:20,470
But then he notices
the hospital's empty!
153
00:06:25,243 --> 00:06:28,645
Nurse, I'm ready
for my sponge bath.
154
00:06:28,647 --> 00:06:30,079
Hmm.
155
00:06:30,081 --> 00:06:31,648
What happened to this place?
156
00:06:31,650 --> 00:06:33,516
Everybody up and gone.
157
00:06:36,287 --> 00:06:38,588
(electrical crackling)
158
00:06:38,590 --> 00:06:40,623
Hmm, that's annoying.
159
00:06:40,625 --> 00:06:42,825
(static hissing)
160
00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:46,529
Maybe it's a loose filament.
161
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:47,597
(rattling)
162
00:06:47,599 --> 00:06:49,832
Nope, that's a busted bulb.
163
00:06:53,271 --> 00:06:54,937
These are all 145s.
164
00:06:54,939 --> 00:06:56,506
I need a 180.
165
00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:01,878
Well, now, maybe I did
need a 145.
166
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:05,848
There we go.
167
00:07:07,285 --> 00:07:08,618
(pops)
168
00:07:08,620 --> 00:07:11,187
Damn it, I guess
it's a wiring issue.
169
00:07:11,189 --> 00:07:12,555
That's it?
170
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:14,357
What the hell? When do
the zombies show up?
171
00:07:14,359 --> 00:07:15,725
That's the thing.
172
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,827
Their shuttle was late.
173
00:07:17,829 --> 00:07:19,462
I-I don't know,
I-I was thinking
174
00:07:19,464 --> 00:07:20,863
we'd write a movie
where something
175
00:07:20,865 --> 00:07:23,166
that's not supposed
to be scary becomes scary.
176
00:07:23,168 --> 00:07:24,467
Like an evil doll.
177
00:07:24,469 --> 00:07:26,703
Yeah, or-or like an
evil bar of soap.
178
00:07:26,705 --> 00:07:29,205
Peter, I don't think
that's such a good id...
Too late!
179
00:07:32,510 --> 00:07:34,811
Oh, yeah, that's nice.
180
00:07:34,813 --> 00:07:38,481
Time to wash my body
with this harmless bar of soap.
181
00:07:38,483 --> 00:07:40,717
(dramatic music plays)
182
00:07:43,221 --> 00:07:45,154
Hey, Ambassador Mumbasa,
183
00:07:45,156 --> 00:07:47,223
are you enjoying
that new soap I bought you
184
00:07:47,225 --> 00:07:48,858
from that mysterious Chinese man
185
00:07:48,860 --> 00:07:51,427
whose store was weirdly
not there the next day?
186
00:07:52,697 --> 00:07:54,564
Ambassador Mumbasa?
187
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,867
Oh, my God, Ambassador Mumbasa!
188
00:07:57,869 --> 00:08:00,603
(dramatic music plays)
189
00:08:03,541 --> 00:08:05,241
(screams)
190
00:08:09,180 --> 00:08:10,880
Ambassador Mumbasa?
191
00:08:10,882 --> 00:08:12,749
Assistant Ambassador Armstrong?
192
00:08:12,751 --> 00:08:14,684
Everything okay up there
with the bath?
193
00:08:17,522 --> 00:08:19,088
(screams)
194
00:08:29,734 --> 00:08:31,300
(gasps)
195
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:35,071
I wonder if everything's okay
up at the old embassy.
196
00:08:35,073 --> 00:08:37,373
(wind howling, door slams)
197
00:08:37,375 --> 00:08:39,709
All right, maybe coming here
wasn't such a great idea.
198
00:08:39,711 --> 00:08:41,377
Is anybody else getting
a little freaked out
199
00:08:41,379 --> 00:08:42,945
by all these
scary stories?
200
00:08:42,947 --> 00:08:45,481
Yeah, even my
spine is tingling.
201
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:46,749
You guys, I'm scared.
202
00:08:46,751 --> 00:08:47,950
You remember that movie
The Blob?
203
00:08:47,952 --> 00:08:49,152
What if the Blob?
204
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:50,620
Let's get out of here!
205
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:54,090
Aw, damn it, it's locked!
206
00:08:54,092 --> 00:08:55,958
Oh, my God, somebody
must have locked us in.
207
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:57,660
We're gonna
die in here!
208
00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,562
(high-pitched scream)
209
00:09:00,765 --> 00:09:02,999
Sorry, guys,
somebody e-mailed me a video
210
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,600
of a sheep screaming.
211
00:09:04,602 --> 00:09:06,803
(high-pitched scream)
212
00:09:13,978 --> 00:09:16,479
It was him.
It was the hook-handed killer.
213
00:09:16,481 --> 00:09:18,080
He locked us in!
214
00:09:18,082 --> 00:09:20,116
All the windows
have bars on 'em.
215
00:09:20,118 --> 00:09:22,752
I think the only way out of here
is through this duct system.
216
00:09:22,754 --> 00:09:25,688
Guys, do the words
"dead by dawn" scrawled
217
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,090
in feces over there
mean we're in trouble?
218
00:09:28,092 --> 00:09:29,492
Did you do it?
I did.
219
00:09:29,494 --> 00:09:30,827
Then no.
220
00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:37,834
Still sticking with
the glasses, huh?
221
00:09:37,836 --> 00:09:38,835
What? Oh, right.
222
00:09:38,837 --> 00:09:40,469
Right, I have glasses.
223
00:09:40,471 --> 00:09:42,471
They're such a part of me now,
I-I forgot all about 'em.
224
00:09:42,473 --> 00:09:43,806
You're gross.
225
00:09:43,808 --> 00:09:45,208
You know, it's funny,
226
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,809
I-I've gotten an awful
lot of writing done
227
00:09:46,811 --> 00:09:48,778
at that very table.
228
00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:50,780
You're a writer?
(Stewie groans)
229
00:09:50,782 --> 00:09:52,782
I-I like to consider
myself an observer.
230
00:09:52,784 --> 00:09:54,817
(chuckles) You have nice
breasts, for instance.
231
00:09:54,819 --> 00:09:56,819
(chuckles)
You want to join me?
232
00:09:56,821 --> 00:09:58,554
Guy with glasses
can't be all bad.
233
00:09:58,556 --> 00:09:59,789
Thanks.
234
00:09:59,791 --> 00:10:01,557
Boy, it's loud
in here, huh?
235
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:04,627
Wh-When they said "Professor
Griffin," I barely heard them.
236
00:10:04,629 --> 00:10:06,562
That's it, I'm putting
an end to this.
237
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:09,398
I'm gonna destroy those glasses
if it's the last thing I do.
238
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,033
You should
really check out
239
00:10:11,035 --> 00:10:14,036
the Thanksgiving jazz
CD they sell here.
240
00:10:19,344 --> 00:10:21,043
(screaming)
241
00:10:24,649 --> 00:10:26,349
Where the hell are we?
242
00:10:26,351 --> 00:10:27,984
(footsteps echo)
243
00:10:27,986 --> 00:10:29,151
I heard something.
244
00:10:29,153 --> 00:10:30,820
Is... is someone else here?
245
00:10:30,822 --> 00:10:32,521
Oh, my God,
it's Hook-hand!
246
00:10:32,523 --> 00:10:33,890
He's coming for us!
247
00:10:33,892 --> 00:10:35,925
Damn it, why can't
I get any reception?
248
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:38,261
Because we're in a basement
in the middle of nowhere.
249
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:39,996
Besides,
if cell phones worked,
250
00:10:39,998 --> 00:10:41,664
every movie would be
two minutes long.
251
00:10:41,666 --> 00:10:43,499
Like An Affairto Remember.
252
00:10:49,741 --> 00:10:52,441
Darling, I was running
to the Empire State Building
253
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:54,777
to see you,
but I got hit by a car.
254
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:57,013
No wonder you were late.
I'll be right down.
255
00:10:57,015 --> 00:10:58,047
Are you okay?
256
00:10:58,049 --> 00:11:00,116
I think I may be paralyzed.
257
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:02,919
I'm sorry, there's nobody here
by that name.
258
00:11:12,530 --> 00:11:14,630
Wow, Stewie, thanks for
taking me to the spa.
259
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:16,232
Hey, you deserve
it, buddy.
260
00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:18,701
So just relax, take
your glasses off,
261
00:11:18,703 --> 00:11:20,469
take a nice,
dry sauna--
262
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:21,871
no glasses in
the sauna--
263
00:11:21,873 --> 00:11:23,072
just leave those
puppies in the locker.
264
00:11:23,074 --> 00:11:24,407
They'll be safe
out here.
265
00:11:24,409 --> 00:11:26,375
Sounds good.
266
00:11:34,085 --> 00:11:36,152
(quietly): Come on, Chris.
Don't let me down.
267
00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:37,420
CHRIS:
Don't worry, Stewie.
268
00:11:37,422 --> 00:11:39,555
Chris! What are you
doing in here?
269
00:11:39,557 --> 00:11:40,723
I did it.
270
00:11:40,725 --> 00:11:42,058
I locked us in the sauna!
271
00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:43,059
You what?!
272
00:11:43,061 --> 00:11:44,460
Yep, it's all set.
273
00:11:44,462 --> 00:11:45,895
It's turned up high,
274
00:11:45,897 --> 00:11:48,864
and nobody is coming
for the whole weekend.
275
00:11:49,934 --> 00:11:51,434
(pounding)
276
00:11:51,436 --> 00:11:53,669
(gasping, panting)
277
00:11:55,139 --> 00:11:57,840
Boy, you guys sure
look steamed.
278
00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:00,476
ANNOUNCER:
This Family Guy joke waswritten by Jimmy Sullivan,
279
00:12:00,478 --> 00:12:02,578
age nine, of Decatur, Georgia.
280
00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:04,313
Thanks, Jimmy!
281
00:12:04,315 --> 00:12:07,383
And we'll pass along yourgross request to Mila Kunis.
282
00:12:10,455 --> 00:12:12,321
(water dripping)
283
00:12:12,323 --> 00:12:15,358
(footsteps approaching)
284
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,293
Those footsteps
are getting closer.
285
00:12:17,295 --> 00:12:18,494
Those aren't footsteps.
286
00:12:18,496 --> 00:12:20,029
It's an old building.
Just relax.
287
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,764
Besides, I can see an exit door
right there.
288
00:12:21,766 --> 00:12:23,366
Where?
Right there.
289
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:24,533
Behind that guy with the hook...
290
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,102
(terrified screaming)
291
00:12:29,607 --> 00:12:31,273
(screaming)
292
00:12:31,275 --> 00:12:33,175
Everybody run!
293
00:12:34,012 --> 00:12:36,278
(Joe screaming)
294
00:12:37,982 --> 00:12:39,915
(thunder crashes)
295
00:12:41,786 --> 00:12:43,119
(screams)
296
00:12:43,121 --> 00:12:44,387
Wait a minute.
297
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,322
There's four of us,
and one of him.
298
00:12:46,324 --> 00:12:48,290
Yeah, let's get him!
299
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,926
(yelling)
300
00:12:51,829 --> 00:12:53,062
Son of a bitch!
Take that!
301
00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:55,264
Die, Hook-hand!
You won't kill us!
302
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:04,073
Um, Hook-hand's name is Albert,
and he's dressed like a janitor.
303
00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:07,576
(groans)
I've been trying to help you.
304
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:10,212
I'm the caretaker here.
305
00:13:10,214 --> 00:13:11,480
Wait, you work here?
306
00:13:11,482 --> 00:13:12,715
But you have
a hook hand.
307
00:13:12,717 --> 00:13:14,316
I was a soldier.
308
00:13:14,318 --> 00:13:17,887
I lost my hand
saving six men in Korea.
309
00:13:17,889 --> 00:13:20,156
Oh, God, he's
a war hero.
310
00:13:20,158 --> 00:13:22,258
(exhales)
311
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,859
He's dead.
312
00:13:23,861 --> 00:13:25,161
What have we done?
313
00:13:25,163 --> 00:13:27,563
We killed
an innocent man.
314
00:13:31,869 --> 00:13:35,504
Well, if this doesn't justify
a McFlurry, nothing does.
315
00:13:44,348 --> 00:13:47,283
Oh, my God,
we killed an innocent man.
316
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:48,751
W-We've got to
report this!
317
00:13:48,753 --> 00:13:50,186
We gotta turn
ourselves in!
318
00:13:50,188 --> 00:13:51,454
No way.
319
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,022
If we do that,
we'll all go to jail.
320
00:13:53,024 --> 00:13:54,423
And I'm a cop.
321
00:13:54,425 --> 00:13:56,125
Do you know what they
do to cops in jail?
322
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:58,594
Hey, man, when you were
a cop, did they...
323
00:13:58,596 --> 00:14:00,062
did they let you
use the siren?
324
00:14:00,064 --> 00:14:01,697
Yeah, it's part
of the job.
325
00:14:01,699 --> 00:14:02,865
That's so cool!
326
00:14:02,867 --> 00:14:04,266
Hey, hey, when
you were a cop,
327
00:14:04,268 --> 00:14:05,801
when you were going
to a crime scene,
328
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,269
did you go "chung chung,"
like Law & Order?
329
00:14:07,271 --> 00:14:08,971
No, that would be
very unprofessional.
330
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,606
All right,
all right.
331
00:14:10,608 --> 00:14:12,274
Oh, hey, check it out,
man, when you were a cop,
332
00:14:12,276 --> 00:14:14,276
did you ever, you know,
use your handcuffs
333
00:14:14,278 --> 00:14:16,312
when you were getting
kinky with your girl?
334
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:17,713
No, it's city property,
335
00:14:17,715 --> 00:14:19,215
so you're not really
supposed to take those home.
336
00:14:19,217 --> 00:14:20,382
Oh, for sure, for sure.
337
00:14:20,384 --> 00:14:21,884
Oh, hey, by the way,
338
00:14:21,886 --> 00:14:24,053
a bunch of us are gonna kill
you in the shower later.
339
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:30,059
Okay, so we're all on
the same page, right?
340
00:14:30,061 --> 00:14:31,227
We bury the body,
341
00:14:31,229 --> 00:14:32,595
we never speak
of this again.
342
00:14:32,597 --> 00:14:34,697
Deal.
Got it.
Yup.
343
00:14:41,272 --> 00:14:43,939
Wow, that was exhausting.
344
00:14:43,941 --> 00:14:46,475
Wait a minute, is-is
that... is that his car?
345
00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:59,121
(car alarm wailing)
346
00:14:59,123 --> 00:15:00,990
Aw, crap, it's still alive!
347
00:15:10,134 --> 00:15:13,736
It does not feel
like a Wednesday.
348
00:15:19,277 --> 00:15:21,343
Peter, I'm glad
you're up.
349
00:15:21,345 --> 00:15:23,479
I need to talk to you
about something.
350
00:15:23,481 --> 00:15:25,714
I know what you did
last night.
351
00:15:26,651 --> 00:15:27,850
You do?
352
00:15:27,852 --> 00:15:30,219
How could you do
something so heinous?
353
00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,188
Last night,
354
00:15:32,190 --> 00:15:34,356
you left your dirty dishes
in the sink.
355
00:15:34,358 --> 00:15:36,625
It's disgusting.
356
00:15:36,627 --> 00:15:39,628
So I did half, and I left
the other half for you.
357
00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:42,898
Ah, forget it.
You'll just do it wrong.
358
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,366
I'll wash 'em myself.
359
00:15:44,368 --> 00:15:46,502
Why don't you just go
in the other room and relax?
360
00:15:46,504 --> 00:15:48,204
I'll call you
when breakfast is ready.
361
00:15:48,206 --> 00:15:49,705
Okay.
362
00:15:51,042 --> 00:15:53,342
LOIS: Oh, my God, Peter,
come look at the newspaper!
363
00:15:53,344 --> 00:15:54,843
"Janitor dead."
364
00:15:54,845 --> 00:15:55,644
(gasps)
365
00:15:55,646 --> 00:15:57,012
What? No!
366
00:15:57,014 --> 00:16:00,015
Right here.
My college roommate, Jan Itter.
367
00:16:00,017 --> 00:16:01,917
She passed away yesterday.
368
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:03,652
Are-are we really
doing this?
369
00:16:03,654 --> 00:16:05,321
'Cause I didn't get, like,
any sleep last night.
370
00:16:05,323 --> 00:16:06,822
What are you
freaking out about?
371
00:16:06,824 --> 00:16:08,324
You didn't even know her.
372
00:16:08,326 --> 00:16:10,459
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
y-you're right, you're right.
373
00:16:11,729 --> 00:16:14,230
LOIS: You and the guys
killed and buried a man?!
374
00:16:14,232 --> 00:16:16,065
Ah, I knew
you'd find out!
375
00:16:16,067 --> 00:16:17,700
Find out what?
376
00:16:17,702 --> 00:16:19,168
I just got
David Sedaris' new book,
377
00:16:19,170 --> 00:16:21,270
You and the Guys Killedand Buried a Man.
378
00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:22,938
Okay, I am
really on edge
379
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:25,074
and this thing we're doing,
I'm not happy about it,
380
00:16:25,076 --> 00:16:27,509
and that's a very odd title
for a humorist's book.
381
00:16:27,511 --> 00:16:28,844
Peter, you're acting
very weird.
382
00:16:28,846 --> 00:16:30,112
Just go in
the other room.
383
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:31,747
I don't want to go
in the other room.
384
00:16:31,749 --> 00:16:33,415
I want to stay here and
see what you're seeing,
385
00:16:33,417 --> 00:16:35,584
because you're saying
things that I think are
386
00:16:35,586 --> 00:16:37,386
something totally different
than what they are.
387
00:16:37,388 --> 00:16:39,188
Peter, you're gonna
have a heart attack.
388
00:16:39,190 --> 00:16:42,758
I won't say anything.
I'll let you relax.
389
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,694
LOIS: "They found a body
of a war hero
390
00:16:45,696 --> 00:16:47,529
down by the old asylum!"
391
00:16:47,531 --> 00:16:49,298
Okay, that has to be something.
392
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,966
(song playing on radio)
Oh, sorry, Peter,
393
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:54,470
I'm just singing along with
this old John Mellencamp song.
394
00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:58,874
♪ They went up there
to write a movie ♪
395
00:16:58,876 --> 00:17:02,945
♪ Peter, Quagmire,
Cleveland and Joe ♪
396
00:17:02,947 --> 00:17:06,081
♪ Killed the old janitor
war hero ♪
397
00:17:06,083 --> 00:17:09,151
♪ Just why,
we'll never know... ♪
398
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:10,653
I don't remember
this one.
399
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:13,088
Guess it's never been
in a car commercial.
400
00:17:13,090 --> 00:17:16,058
♪ In a truck
that's built Dodge Tough. ♪
401
00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:18,227
Oh, yeah, no,
I know this one.
402
00:17:20,231 --> 00:17:22,898
(whistling)
403
00:17:25,569 --> 00:17:27,136
Hey, Bri?
Yeah?
404
00:17:27,138 --> 00:17:29,338
Aah! Damn it! Aah!
405
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:30,906
There's glass in my eye!
406
00:17:30,908 --> 00:17:32,574
Oh! Son of a bitch!
407
00:17:32,576 --> 00:17:33,909
Aah!
408
00:17:33,911 --> 00:17:35,444
Mom says dinner's at 6:00.
409
00:17:35,446 --> 00:17:38,080
She wanted me to tell
people; I don't know why.
410
00:17:38,082 --> 00:17:40,082
(groaning)
411
00:17:43,654 --> 00:17:46,822
Guys, I'm kind of freaking out
about killing that guy.
412
00:17:46,824 --> 00:17:49,158
Anybody else have
a hard time sleeping?
413
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,160
No, but there's an old
John Mellencamp song
414
00:17:51,162 --> 00:17:52,828
you're not gonna
(bleep) believe.
415
00:17:52,830 --> 00:17:54,029
Wait, w-what's
all this stuff
416
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,464
about you guys
killing someone?
417
00:17:55,466 --> 00:17:56,865
Last night,
at the asylum.
418
00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,033
We killed
that war hero.
419
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,201
Whoa, whoa, what?!
420
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,836
You-you really
killed someone?
421
00:18:00,838 --> 00:18:03,305
Holy moly, I don't think
I want to hear this.
422
00:18:03,307 --> 00:18:05,307
Quagmire, you were
there with us.
423
00:18:05,309 --> 00:18:06,508
You're so weird.
424
00:18:06,510 --> 00:18:07,843
Last night, I was
in St. Louis.
425
00:18:07,845 --> 00:18:09,211
I even have
a picture.
426
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:10,646
See that?
427
00:18:10,648 --> 00:18:11,947
That's yesterday's date
on that newspaper.
428
00:18:11,949 --> 00:18:13,482
On The Quahog Informant?
429
00:18:13,484 --> 00:18:16,318
They sell The QuahogInformant in St. Louis?
430
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:17,953
Well, probably, but good
luck with that whole
431
00:18:17,955 --> 00:18:20,823
"you three and not me
killed a guy" thing.
432
00:18:20,825 --> 00:18:22,791
Damn it, that bastard
is bailing on us.
433
00:18:22,793 --> 00:18:25,828
He's a worse accomplice
than Johnny Wind Chimes.
434
00:18:25,830 --> 00:18:28,130
(chimes jingling)
435
00:18:28,132 --> 00:18:29,531
Hey! Shh!
436
00:18:29,533 --> 00:18:32,301
(loudly):
Sorry! It's my chimes.
437
00:18:40,478 --> 00:18:42,811
I hate to frame you like this,
Quagmire, but I gotta.
438
00:18:42,813 --> 00:18:44,213
I can't go to jail.
439
00:18:44,215 --> 00:18:46,882
They'll razz me good
on account of my belly.
440
00:18:50,688 --> 00:18:52,087
Cleveland?
441
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,188
What are you
doing here?
442
00:18:53,190 --> 00:18:54,590
What are you
both doing here?
443
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,425
Joe?
What the hell?
444
00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:58,060
QUAGMIRE:
You backstabbers.
445
00:18:59,397 --> 00:19:01,196
What the hell's
going on?
446
00:19:01,198 --> 00:19:02,664
I'll tell you
what's going on.
447
00:19:02,666 --> 00:19:04,199
Cleveland's trying to frame me.
448
00:19:04,201 --> 00:19:06,702
He's got my miniature
portraits of cool guys.
449
00:19:06,704 --> 00:19:08,270
Peter, those are baseball cards.
450
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:10,439
Whatever. He's using it
to frame me for murder!
451
00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,040
Well, I'm not
the only one.
452
00:19:12,042 --> 00:19:14,877
Joe's got my Sports Illustrated
football phone.
453
00:19:14,879 --> 00:19:17,880
He was using this
as his main phone.
454
00:19:17,882 --> 00:19:19,448
It is a mess over there.
455
00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:21,016
Look at all you
pathetic people,
456
00:19:21,018 --> 00:19:22,518
bringing stuff
to frame each other.
457
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:23,752
You're supposed
to be friends.
458
00:19:23,754 --> 00:19:25,220
Hey, that's
my shovel!
459
00:19:25,222 --> 00:19:26,955
Damn right!
That's how smart I am.
460
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:28,557
I only had to bring one thing.
461
00:19:28,559 --> 00:19:30,626
This way, I can dig the hole
and just throw this in.
462
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:32,060
But once you throw
it in there,
463
00:19:32,062 --> 00:19:33,962
how you gonna get
the dirt back on top?
464
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:36,064
Give me your shovel!
465
00:19:36,066 --> 00:19:37,733
You're gonna have
to kill me first!
466
00:19:37,735 --> 00:19:39,768
Not with my shovel!
That's brand-new!
467
00:19:39,770 --> 00:19:42,204
Give me back
my rattle-y plastic phone!
468
00:19:42,206 --> 00:19:44,940
♪ ♪
469
00:19:50,881 --> 00:19:52,614
Wait, wait, wait, guys! Guys!
470
00:19:52,616 --> 00:19:53,315
What?
471
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:54,483
Don't you see?
472
00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:55,551
This!
473
00:19:55,553 --> 00:19:57,786
This is our horror movie!
474
00:20:03,093 --> 00:20:05,093
(thunder crashes)
475
00:20:05,095 --> 00:20:07,296
♪ ♪
476
00:20:18,075 --> 00:20:22,311
It doesn't feel
like a Wednesday.
477
00:20:25,416 --> 00:20:26,482
Boy, that sucked.
478
00:20:26,484 --> 00:20:28,083
Yeah, I guess writing a movie
479
00:20:28,085 --> 00:20:29,818
isn't as easy as Joseph
Gordon-Levitt makes it look.
480
00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:31,520
Hey, at least
we gave it a shot.
481
00:20:31,522 --> 00:20:33,755
I just feel bad
we killed an innocent man.
482
00:20:33,757 --> 00:20:35,524
Well, don't feel too bad.
483
00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:36,725
Look at that!
484
00:20:40,798 --> 00:20:42,030
Oh, my God.
485
00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:43,665
Wow, that's a relief!
486
00:20:43,667 --> 00:20:45,968
We may have actually made
this town a better place.
487
00:20:45,970 --> 00:20:47,269
Yeah, what a monster.
488
00:20:47,271 --> 00:20:49,705
But at least now
he's gone forever.34646
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