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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,229 --> 00:00:09,229 You failed! 2 00:00:09,630 --> 00:00:11,030 What? What the heck? 3 00:00:11,390 --> 00:00:12,390 Lesson number one. 4 00:00:12,590 --> 00:00:14,210 Danger is everywhere. 5 00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:19,070 God, we... Man, we gotta talk about boundaries. 6 00:00:19,390 --> 00:00:20,690 That is a much later lesson. 7 00:00:20,910 --> 00:00:23,230 For now, we begin with the basics. 8 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:24,609 Of what? 9 00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:25,970 Your training, Sir Dwight. 10 00:00:26,250 --> 00:00:28,350 I will teach you the ways of the warrior. 11 00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:33,590 Oh, wow. I'm good. Yeah, really. I appreciate the thought. It is my 12 00:00:33,770 --> 00:00:34,770 brother. 13 00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:37,080 to repay the debt of gratitude that I owe you. 14 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:43,160 You will be my greatest achievement. 15 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,900 Okay, so about a thousand years ago, there was this princess, Greta. 16 00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:57,780 And she was in big trouble, because she had lots of enemies and not a lot of 17 00:00:57,780 --> 00:00:58,780 friends. 18 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,920 So her court magician, Baldrick, cast the Champion spell. 19 00:01:03,580 --> 00:01:06,600 It put everyone in the woods to sleep until a champion would come, break the 20 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,900 spell with his kiss, and deal with Greta's big scary enemies. 21 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:11,220 But that guy never showed up. 22 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,680 Instead, they got me. 23 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,880 Little Debbie has made more honey buns. 24 00:01:57,260 --> 00:01:58,260 Huzzah. 25 00:02:43,609 --> 00:02:46,970 Big hairy knees. 26 00:03:37,870 --> 00:03:38,769 Really, guys? 27 00:03:38,770 --> 00:03:39,990 Are we trying to trash the neighborhood? 28 00:04:11,950 --> 00:04:12,950 mortal boy. 29 00:04:13,790 --> 00:04:16,730 I am a mortal like thee. 30 00:04:17,370 --> 00:04:20,029 And so I need a few things from the mortal realm. 31 00:04:21,149 --> 00:04:27,250 Okay. Some things that matter not at all to anyone. I need them for no important 32 00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:28,250 purpose. 33 00:04:32,530 --> 00:04:35,190 Baldrick, buddy, I think you should lay off the sugar. 34 00:04:35,990 --> 00:04:38,470 A rare, beautiful bird called a phoenix. 35 00:04:38,690 --> 00:04:39,690 Have thou seen one? 36 00:04:40,170 --> 00:04:42,910 I would like to have one for no reason. 37 00:04:44,710 --> 00:04:48,530 They sell birds at the pet store. 38 00:04:50,110 --> 00:04:51,830 The pet store has a phoenix. 39 00:04:55,750 --> 00:04:58,470 That is not exciting at all. 40 00:05:00,490 --> 00:05:03,590 Does the pet store have a wishing well also? 41 00:05:05,450 --> 00:05:06,630 I'm afraid not. 42 00:05:07,830 --> 00:05:09,490 If not the pet store, then... 43 00:05:09,830 --> 00:05:11,070 Where? Where? 44 00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:12,310 The wishing well. 45 00:05:12,490 --> 00:05:14,590 I think there's one at the mall. 46 00:05:14,850 --> 00:05:17,330 I mean, it's more of a fountain than a well. 47 00:05:17,770 --> 00:05:21,210 Actually, the mall has a wishing well in the form of a fountain. 48 00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:26,070 That is so uninteresting and not important. 49 00:05:28,350 --> 00:05:30,190 Hey, Greta, can you come in here for a sec? 50 00:05:30,610 --> 00:05:37,450 Another mortal thing I need, but not as a matter of life and death, is the milk 51 00:05:37,450 --> 00:05:38,450 of a goat. 52 00:05:39,020 --> 00:05:42,060 Does thou have a goat, mortal boy? 53 00:05:43,060 --> 00:05:44,460 A goat? 54 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:46,680 What's the myth? 55 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:51,140 You tell me. I just saw him eat half a jar of jam. You know how many grams of 56 00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:52,140 sugar are... Sugar? 57 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,360 Is this thy goat? 58 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,200 No. 59 00:06:06,180 --> 00:06:07,420 This is Greta. 60 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:09,400 And you are? 61 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:15,000 I am a large, hairy, mortal man. 62 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:16,820 And I must go. 63 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:21,000 I have no urgent business. The others are not waiting for me. 64 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,120 Would you like a sweet drink before you leave? 65 00:06:24,980 --> 00:06:25,980 Sweet? 66 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,200 Come to me. Come to me. Yes. 67 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:33,440 No, 68 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:35,280 mortal. 69 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:36,460 Hurry. Hurry. 70 00:06:38,510 --> 00:06:39,510 Slow mortals. 71 00:06:40,210 --> 00:06:41,270 Give, give. 72 00:06:42,030 --> 00:06:43,190 To your health. 73 00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:52,610 Foul! 74 00:06:54,810 --> 00:06:57,690 Foul, horrid, wretched mortals! 75 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,420 Is Baldrick having a nervous breakdown? 76 00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,200 Baldrick has been inhabited. 77 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,480 Sorry? 78 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:21,960 Possessed. By what? 79 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:24,520 A fairy. 80 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:27,720 What does it want? 81 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:29,200 Did it tell you I came here? 82 00:07:29,460 --> 00:07:30,780 I wanted a lot of weird stuff. 83 00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:35,360 A bird. I told it to go to the pet store. To the pet store? With haste? And 84 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:36,319 what? 85 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:37,960 Let's say we get him. Then what do we do? 86 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,920 We extract the fairy from Baldrick's brain. 87 00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:42,300 Ew. 88 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:43,800 I pray we're not too late. 89 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:54,320 Help you, sir? 90 00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:58,380 Hail, skinny mortal. 91 00:07:58,940 --> 00:08:01,020 I have come for the phoenix. 92 00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:04,540 Sorry? The bird. 93 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,180 Rare and beautiful. 94 00:08:08,340 --> 00:08:09,500 You mean a parrot? 95 00:08:11,260 --> 00:08:15,240 Maybe. Are the tail feathers long and glorious? 96 00:08:16,140 --> 00:08:17,260 I think they're nice. 97 00:08:18,900 --> 00:08:20,160 Show me the bird! 98 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:21,640 Right this way. 99 00:09:10,970 --> 00:09:12,910 No, no, sir. These are rolled in sea felt. 100 00:09:14,130 --> 00:09:18,950 Where is thy wishing well, hideous mortal? 101 00:09:19,510 --> 00:09:20,309 My what? 102 00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:23,510 I need coins from a wishing well. 103 00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:27,250 I will not tell thee what for. 104 00:09:28,590 --> 00:09:30,370 There are coins in the fountain outside. 105 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:52,940 Excuse me, have you seen a large -ish gentleman come in here dressed a little 106 00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:53,940 old -timey? 107 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,360 You mean the guy in the Gandalf costume who ripped the tail feathers off of this 108 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:02,500 parrot? And chugged four bottles of hummingbird food before thrashing this 109 00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:03,500 display? 110 00:10:04,060 --> 00:10:05,800 That may have been him. 111 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:08,280 Tail feathers. 112 00:10:08,660 --> 00:10:09,720 I don't like it. 113 00:10:10,420 --> 00:10:11,420 Poor parrot. 114 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,520 What else did the fairy say? 115 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:14,720 What does it want? 116 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,330 Uh... A wishing well. 117 00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:19,350 Tomorrow. 118 00:10:19,670 --> 00:10:20,670 Collecting things. 119 00:10:21,190 --> 00:10:22,190 Why? 120 00:10:22,450 --> 00:10:23,510 A fairy right. 121 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,510 We have to find Baldrick. 122 00:11:31,660 --> 00:11:32,660 The others will be pleased. 123 00:11:32,740 --> 00:11:34,540 I need only the milk of a goat. 124 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:37,940 Oh, cow's milk isn't an option? 125 00:11:38,580 --> 00:11:39,580 A cow's goat? 126 00:11:40,060 --> 00:11:41,060 No. 127 00:11:41,860 --> 00:11:42,839 Goat milk. 128 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,000 We have almond milk. 129 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:45,720 Is it from a goat? 130 00:11:46,020 --> 00:11:47,020 It's from almond. 131 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,260 We also have soy milk and lactose -free milk. 132 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,400 Which of these is from the goat? 133 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,000 Neither one. 134 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,680 Big man with a beard and a robe acting a little crazy. 135 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,000 Are you talking about that Moses dude swimming in a fountain? 136 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,240 Let's say yes. 137 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:29,380 Hey, Nero. Hey, Sugar Pie. Quick thing. 138 00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:32,320 Have you seen Baldrick? 139 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:33,640 Why? 140 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,200 I have just now. 141 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,460 Jay walking across. 142 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:46,540 to stop it. I'm teaching Pilates. 143 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,080 Hey, no worries, Nana. We got this. 144 00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:50,560 I know you do. Kisses. 145 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:51,920 Oh! 146 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,640 He's by Bambi's Grocery. What'd you find out? The fairy took coins from the 147 00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:57,619 fountain. 148 00:12:57,620 --> 00:13:00,560 Look, I don't like to judge, but this fairy is kind of a jerk. 149 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:06,559 Oh, jeez. 150 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:07,560 Ah! 151 00:13:08,940 --> 00:13:09,940 Ludwig! 152 00:13:10,380 --> 00:13:11,500 You fail again. 153 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,160 Lesson two. 154 00:13:14,479 --> 00:13:16,180 Peril lurks in every corner. 155 00:13:17,020 --> 00:13:18,900 Isn't that kind of like Less of One? 156 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:20,679 Dangerous everywhere? 157 00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,460 We've no time for sport, you cumberground. 158 00:13:22,700 --> 00:13:23,700 Off with you, then. 159 00:13:24,140 --> 00:13:26,920 But be always on your guard, my young protege. 160 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:29,620 I'll see you soon. 161 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,800 Security? Big fat crazy guy? 162 00:14:20,740 --> 00:14:21,740 Baldrick! 163 00:14:52,650 --> 00:14:55,490 Fairies love sugar, huh? They can't get enough. I think this one's had enough. 164 00:14:55,870 --> 00:14:57,530 He is having a major sugar crash. 165 00:14:58,110 --> 00:14:59,410 No, don't wake it. 166 00:14:59,750 --> 00:15:01,070 The fairy is in a stupor. 167 00:15:01,290 --> 00:15:02,510 Now is the time to dislodge it. 168 00:15:02,810 --> 00:15:03,810 How? 169 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,070 Stop! 170 00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:06,970 A lot of it. 171 00:15:13,130 --> 00:15:14,130 Excuse me. 172 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:23,990 I'm going to need more. 173 00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,010 Hurry! 174 00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:26,870 I didn't know so much about fairies. 175 00:15:27,790 --> 00:15:29,730 My father was eaten by fairies. 176 00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,050 Oh. Sorry. 177 00:15:34,570 --> 00:15:35,570 I'm sorry. 178 00:15:36,490 --> 00:15:38,050 I won't let that happen to Baldrick. 179 00:15:39,310 --> 00:15:40,310 Get out! 180 00:15:42,730 --> 00:15:44,270 Fairies! Come here! Here! 181 00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:14,870 Is that I? 182 00:16:14,970 --> 00:16:16,570 Why do I sound like that? 183 00:16:18,030 --> 00:16:19,030 Where's his son? 184 00:16:27,510 --> 00:16:30,470 My lady, my what? 185 00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:56,540 I trusted thee with a task of such import. 186 00:16:57,260 --> 00:17:00,800 But, my lady Mugwort, all is done. 187 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:05,160 I have the feathers from the rare bird. 188 00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:10,480 I have the wishing coins. 189 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:16,579 I have the goat's milk in the form of... 190 00:17:25,050 --> 00:17:26,050 Object. 191 00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:32,430 I have the chest hairs of a magician. 192 00:18:10,830 --> 00:18:17,630 Today, we return to fairy land never again to flutter our wings 193 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,890 in this horrid place. 194 00:18:20,750 --> 00:18:25,870 Dill, begin the rite to open the fairy ring. Okay. 195 00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:33,050 I am beautiful. 196 00:19:20,940 --> 00:19:22,020 From my mother goat. 197 00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:34,560 Topped with the chest hair from a mortal 198 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:38,560 mage. 199 00:20:11,850 --> 00:20:13,270 Full of mortal stuff. 200 00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:18,930 Yes, yes. The fairy queen could do... Gobble them up. 201 00:20:20,070 --> 00:20:26,250 A feast for all the fairy land. The fairy queen would be so pleased with us. 202 00:20:29,570 --> 00:20:32,070 The ring is closing. 203 00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:34,770 Watch out, Sojourn. 204 00:20:36,330 --> 00:20:40,390 They had no phoenix at the pet store, milady. 205 00:20:59,790 --> 00:21:00,790 Lesson one, remember? 206 00:21:01,030 --> 00:21:02,650 Release us, mortal! 207 00:21:03,410 --> 00:21:06,910 Danger is everywhere, as I have demonstrated. 208 00:21:07,230 --> 00:21:09,250 We must leave these mortal bodies! 209 00:21:15,330 --> 00:21:16,330 No! 210 00:21:16,810 --> 00:21:18,410 But our feast! 211 00:21:20,150 --> 00:21:21,150 Lesson two. 212 00:21:21,290 --> 00:21:25,550 Name it, Sir Dwight. A box on the innards and entrails! 213 00:21:26,510 --> 00:21:31,930 Peril lurks in every corner of you. forgotten so soon i will devour the on 214 00:21:31,930 --> 00:21:38,630 with mint jelly now for lesson three jeopardy is ever present 215 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:59,280 Lesson four, menace, is all about. 13646