Original subtitles

Okay, this all looks good.

Greta. Thank you.

Oh, wait, you missed one thing. Your previous school.

Her Highness was educated by royal tutors.

Homeschool. Sadly, the ogres boiled and ate them.

Oh, you're those actors.

Oh, I heard you were just cast in that, um, what was it?

Lord of the Rings reboot.

Right? Oh, how exciting.

Well, I just need your signature right here, Greta.

Baldrick, the royal seal, please.

Blood or ink?

Ew.

Uh, Baldrick, buddy, this is where we say goodbye.

Oh, no, no, no, just until 2 .40.

And you should know that school is a sleep space.

How so?

Some enchantment, no doubt.

So, no weapons?

Almost there.

Okay, come on. We'll get somebody to sign it.

Okay, so about a thousand years ago, there was this princess, Greta.

And she was in big trouble, because she had lots of enemies and not a lot of

friends.

So her court magician, Baldrick, cast the Champion Spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep until a champion would come, break the

spell with his kiss, and deal with Greta's big scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up.

Instead, they got me.

Okay, everybody, we have a new student.

This is Greta. Why don't you tell us a little about yourself?

I am from the lineage of King Osric the Grim.

My kinsman dead, I am the last heir to the house of Moondragon.

Okay, great.

Why don't you take a seat in the front row?

There. Not the worst day of your life, right?

The worst day of my life was spent buried alive next to the corpse of my

Hilda. Why?

Well, it was the only place to hide.

Can we take a selfie?

I'm like your biggest fan. I can't wait for your movie.

What does a selfie mean?

A selfie.

It's a picture you take of yourself.

Capture a special moment you want to remember.

I'm afraid you can't park that thing here, sir.

How was peasant school?

Well, useful, I suppose, as the occasional distraction.

Except school is kind of every day.

Every day?

Oh, oh, oh, hey there, neighbors.

Nana, hey.

I know. Dwight told me you're still getting settled, so I won't get in your

hair. Just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood.

Sir Dwight, you know this hag?

Baldrick, Greta, this is my nana.

My grandmother.

Ah, an honor, aged lady.

You two are a kick.

So, what are you working on here?

A moat. It's almost dug deep enough.

For what?

Water.

Cool.

So, if you need anything, we're right next door.

Well, you are too kind.

How well preserved you are for a woman so old.

Oh, well, you are looking at the result of a plant -based diet and daily

exercise.

Nana teaches group fitness at the senior center.

What are these?

Flaxseed kale and bran muffins.

You're never too young to care for your colon, dear.

Huh.

Delicious. Oh, here you go.

Quickly!

Put these beans in your ears!

What? Mickey!

Am I wrong, or did my pediatrician actually say never to put beans in my...

These are magic beans.

Ow! For your protection, I'm all about new experiences.

Inside! Quickly!

Inside! Move!

Hurry!

Have no fear, Jaime. I will conjure a spell to make short work of the villain.

What villain?

Jacopo the Troubadour.

That's Brody and Amelia.

And that's Dylan Gallagher. We went to pre -K together.

Oh, I remember Dylan.

That's a sweet kid.

Prepare for balls of fire, Highness. No, it's an expression, Baldrick. I mean,

why is Dylan Gallagher throwing rocks at us? It's dilute. The plucking of the

string places those within hearing under a powerful enchantment. What, like,

like mind control?

Huh. That's so uncool. What is this Yakupug I want? My throne.

That thing?

No, no, no, my kingdom. The man is mad for power. He sold his own soul to put

that spell on his loot.

And now it has a mind of its own.

Nana, now's a good of a time, if I need to tell you. That our new neighbors are

not really actors.

Yep. Okay.

Make ready.

Oh, hey, put those things away.

Sir Dwight, we are under attack.

Yes, but it's not their fault. Look at them. They're like innocent zombies.

My plan.

There will be no terms and there will be no discussion.

But honor demands it. None may say Jacopo does not know the rules of

Get out of the way!

This is my plan.

And it will be properly done.

I have defeated the princess in honorable combat.

The princess

hereby

yields her throne, property, title, and...

all other rights, and honors as ruler of the realm to Jacopo the Troubadour, and

forth to be known as His Majesty Jacopo the Noble, the wise and

beloved of all his people. God save... Enough, Baldrick.

Consider, Principessa, you may live peacefully in the realm of Jacopo the

It will be an harmonious kingdom where all may thrive under my kingly rule.

And I will be respected.

And if I refuse? I will dispose of you. Or better to say, this nice fellow will

dispose of you. And I usurp your throne and rule as Yakubo the Tyrant in a realm

of terror.

Either way, I win.

I win.

Yakubo, you blagger. Oh, you slander me, sir.

I have obeyed the rules of chivalry.

Not yet, Jacopo. You may have defeated me, but you have not defeated my

champion. Ah, jeez.

Oh. By the rules of chivalry... Do not tell me the rules of chivalry.

Lita, girl, I know them by heart.

Then you know you can make no threat against the princess until you have

vanquished her champion.

Nana, there's one more thing I should tell you.

Where is this champion?

Excuse me. Are you the champion? Can I?

Thank you. Yeah, there you go. Thank you. No.

There.

Hi.

You don't mean him. Oh, but I do.

This baby face monkey.

None else?

Cheeky little ball of jelly.

Okay, that's enough out of you, buster. We have a zero tolerance policy when it

comes to bullying. So you're going to keep it polite or you and me are going

have problems. And you don't want to have problems with me.

I like this tiny wrinkly woman.

You may live in my realm when I am king.

But first, we fight.

The choice of weapon is yours, champion.

The axe.

No, the broadsword. Wait, wait, how does this work?

You have challenged Yocopo to a duel.

No, I haven't. You must match your skills against his.

When you say skills, anything you choose.

Try the axe.

No, not the axe.

Something you're good at. Something you've spent years mastering.

I choose the water bottle.

Excuse me?

I choose this water bottle.

We both get a chance to flip it.

The point is to get it to land straight up.

Like that. Boom.

Like a Russian gymnast.

And the person to do it in the least amount of tries wins.

But this is child's play. You send a baby to do a man's job.

I accept your challenge, funny little

champion boy.

And when I win, I will have you and my favorite wrinkly lady entertain me at

my royal court.

Take it away.

That's one.

Give it another try.

That's two.

You almost had it.

Why can't you just be my friend?

All right.

That was

close. Take it easy.

Forca miseria!

This is a stupid challenge.

We fight with knives now.

Hey, come on. Dude, you have spent years planning this thing.

So let's do it right.

Everybody knows if you're going to steal somebody's kingdom, you've got to go

through the champion. And the champion picks the duel.

I don't make the rules, man.

I think we should count that one.

That was really good. It was really, really, really good. It stood up for

half a second before it fell.

May I?

So now all I have to do is beat 211.

Impossible.

He did it, Ancient One.

Well, yeah.

You know, he was the Woodside Middle School bottle -flipping champion a few

years ago. I had no idea.

Well, it's been a while. I'm pretty out of shape.

housewarming party. Really. Greta appreciates everybody coming.

Some thank you to everybody who brought food, by the way.

You can go now. Party's over.

Yeah. Have a great night.

Thanks for coming.

And by the way, whoever hired the hypnotist, awesome.

Really made the party.

Be safe out there. It's dark.

Okay. Good night.

And you, villain, can take yourself hence.

You. are no match for Princess Greta's champion.

I leave defeated.

Not dishonored.

100 % agree.

Halt!

We should make a self -me.

To capture this special moment.

All right, everybody get in tight. Faces close together.

All right, all right, Jacopo, over here, bud. Look over here. Okay.

Everybody, move.

Got it.

You may withdraw.

Hey!

We better call it for tonight, kid.

We can come back tomorrow and help you put the place back together.

That is most kind.

You're not the neighbors I would have picked, but you're the neighbors I got.

Am I okay to take these beans out of my ears?

You may safely do so. I don't think Jacopo will trouble us again.

Your parents would be very proud of what you did today, Dwight.

I'll take this out, and I'll be right behind you.

Okay.

Sir Dwight?

Hey. I'm just sorting out the recyclables before I throw them away.

Thank you.

Yeah, just takes a few minutes and it's the right thing to do.

For saving my life.

Again.

Yeah, sure. I'm happy to do it.

So you live with Nana?

Yeah, since I was a baby.

Well, what of your parents?

A plane crash.

They were wildlife photographers.

They took pictures of animals.

And they were in a small plane in Alaska.

What is the... Oh, it's a thing you fly in.

And it crashed.

Well, my parents are also gone.

What happened?

My father was devoured by fairies, and my mother was turned into an oak tree.

Oh. But I have Baldrick.

And you have them.

Yeah. Right?

Yeah, we do.

Good morning, Baldrick.

Is Greta ready?

Her Highness is still abed.

What? We said 7 .30.

Mm -hmm.

Hey, um... I hope you know that was an accident.

Is there anything I can do?

Then you find for me.

The bough of an ash tree fed by a fairy spring, and encased within it an agate

stone spewed forth in fire from the bowels of the earth?

Can you then temper it with the tears of a newborn griffin and its mother's

milk? And then, can you resurrect the mage that gave his life crafting this

scepter over two thousand years?

Duck tape?

You got it. Go.

Go. Leave.

Yep.