Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

- What?

Hi.

Wait.

What's your name?

Why?

- Why?

Why do you wanna know my name?

- Just so I know what to call you.

When... - When what?

- When we talk. That's what I mean.

Is that what you wanna do? Talk.

- Maybe.

Talking might be nice.

- I mean, we could do other things.

- Your heart is beating quickly.

Drink.

- Aren't you drinking?

- Yes. Later.

- Don't I get to order my own drink?

- No.

Drink.

- I think I'd rather order my own drink.

Drink it.

- 1, 1, don't know you.

What if...

- What if 1?

- Drugged me?

- I did. - What?

- I drugged it.

Something very special. Now drink it.

- Wait. Hold on.

- Okay.

I'm holding on.

Now listen to me.

You were meant to come here, to find me.

That's all that matters. That's all you were ever born for.

To be here with me right now.

Now drink.

Drink.

- What was in that drink?

- I was. My blood.

- Your what?

- How'd you like it?

- I liked it.

Is something wrong?

- Everything's perfect, just like you!

- And now it's time for episode 225

of Alexander's "Church of Chills."

Watch in horror, as we reveal ghosts,

Monsters, new roots,

and the walking dead.

Welcome to Alexander's "Church of Chills," episode 225.

Alexander Jarvis here, along with my grisly gals,

Edwina and Juniper.

Click like, subscribe. Join our Patreon page.

Smash those buttons.

This episode...

- Death in the Rat House.

- And...

- Haunted baby hands in Evermount Hospital.

- Ooh, and the man who ate his family.

With recipes.

It's "Church of Chills."

Okay. And cut.

- Wanna do another one?

- Why?

- For safety. - Maybe we can make it better.

- Seriously, who do I look like to you? Stanley Kubrick.

- No, not even slightly.

- Thank God.

Alright, finish it up. Send it out.

You check the feed.

I'm gonna start work on 226.

After I take a piss, "cause that's how I roll.

- Well, good luck.

- Okay. You girls ready?

Yeah? All right, let's get this down.

All right. Okay.

Juniper start recording.

Okay. This is "Church of Chills,"

episode 226, segment three, prerecord rehearsal.

The vile vivisectionist.

And...

The next terrifying tidbit

straight out of Victorian history is called

Dr. Jonas Hope,

the vile vivisectionist of St. Pancras Hospital.

- Back then, doctors didn't know that they needed

to wash their hands before surgery.

And the most, well-known butcher,

I mean surgeon, was Dr. Jonas Hope.

- This guy loved nothing better than spending his days

chopping off poor people's arms and legs.

- Well, everybody needs a hobby.

- But then one day a patient came in

who had been freshly crushed under a falling brick wall.

- Oops. - I'll say. Ooh.

The doctor proceeds to cut off

both of this poor guy's arms and legs.

- Of course, without benefit of anesthesia.

And he survives.

- And then a demented light dawns on the doctor.

- Okay, hold on. Hold on.

Wait. Cut.

Cut, cut.

- Oh, come. Jesus Christ.

Stop recording, Junie.

First of all, I am the only one who gets to call cut here.

- That's not true. I call cut all the time.

Yeah, yeah, you sure do.

But you're not supposed to. Alright?

The director calls cut, the director.

Me, I'm the director.

And guess what? The director calls cut.

- Really? Since when?

- Since when? Since always.

That's the rule.

The director calls cut.

- No, she means since when are you...

Is this what you're doing here?

Does this make you the director?

That is what you mean, isn't it Junie?

- Well, actually, I was referring

to the general role of a director, but sure.

Yeah. Whatever. Let's go with that.

- Okay, well, why don't we go with

my interpretation of your remarks?

- No, no, no.

How about we go with the fact

that I created the show and my name is on it.

- Alex!

- And the fact that you two- - Alex!

- You work for me, and I am the director,

and I'm the one who gets to call cut.

- Alex. - What?

- Why don't you just ask Eddie why she called cut?

- Because I know why Eddie cold cut.

- Really? - Yeah.

- You wanna bet on that?

What are you willing to bet?

Hmm. Light of my life.

The criterion collection of your Jess Sprango DVDs.

- Are you kidding me? I wouldn't bet that.

- Oh! Dammit.

Okay, so how about this?

No more calling cut...

for this episode.

- Deal. - Okay, great.

- Wait, what happens if I win?

- You girls can have everything I own.

- Okay. No, no, wait, that's a trick.

You don't actually own anything, you fucker.

- Okay, so what then?

- You've gotta be nice to us.

- Wait for how long?

- Forever.

- Seriously.

- A week.

- Okay, but just hold on a second. Okay.

What is this?

- That is why Eddie called cut.

You are a independent arbiter.

- Smile when you call me that, stranger.

- You may proceed.

- Finally. Thank you.

I wanted to point out that there were around two paragraphs

missing about how patients were treated in those wards.

That was all great stuff.

- Yeah, yeah. It really is.

As indeed all of your stuff is, Eddie. You're brilliant.

But the show, it's coming in long

and it's gotta come in on time.

And one of us has to be an adult here. Right?

And, and you my love. You don't make cuts.

Junie, please.

- Eddie's going to bitch about the ward material being cut.

- There it Is.

So much for having to be nice to you two bitches.

Don't gimme that sourpuss Look, Eddie.

Now let's reset for take two, without any calling cuts.

And now, it's time for Alexander's "Church of Chills."

The next terrifying tidbit,

straight out of Victorian history, is called...

Dr. Jonas Hope, the vile vivisectionist

of St. Pancreas Hospital.

- See, back then, doctors didn't understand that they needed

to wash their hands before surgery.

And the most infamous butcher,

surgeon, was Dr. Jonah Hope.

- This guy loved nothing better than chopping off

poor people's arms and legs.

- Well, everybody needs a hobby.

- One day, a patient had come in who had been crushed

by a falling brick wall.

- Oops. - I'll say. Ooh.

Dr. Jonas proceeded to cut off

both of this poor guy's arms and legs.

- Of course, without benefit of anesthesia.

And he survives.

And then, suddenly,

A demented light dawned on the doctor.

He began to wonder just how much he could remove

from a human being and have that patient survive.

What?

- He had plenty of raw material, a hospital full of it.

- The good doctor selected patients to bring

to his special ward downstairs in his basement

where he conducted his diabolical experiments.

- And as for the screams.

Well, there were always screams coming from St. Pancras.

- But all good things and some horrible ones come to an end.

About 10 years later, some busy bodies

started to ask questions.

- And when they went to ask Dr. Hope these questions,

he disappeared.

- So they cut the heavy locks of that door

and headed down into that basement.

- And what did they find down there?

- At first, what they found

didn't seem to be living at all, let alone human.

They more resembled lines of damp leather bags

with tubes coming from them leading to bottles.

- Tubes to bring in food and remove waste.

- What were in those sacks?

Just a brain, bits of skull.

But no jaw, no tongue,

No eyes, no ears, no skeleton,

no muscles, just a few essential organs laced together.

God knows what those brains were thinking.

- Oh.

And the doctor succeeded no less than 33 times.

- But what about Dr. Hope? Where was he?

- As it turns out, Dr. Hope had been using a cesspit

to dispose of his discarded limbs.

When searchers closed in,

he'd attempted to use it as an escape route.

- He didn't get very far.

They found him down there, what was left of him.

- And of course, they couldn't explain

the condition of the doctor's body.

- The fact that it appeared as if it had been torn,

beaten, strangled,

And by many groping hands.

- Nor could anyone explain

the look of stark terror on Dr. Hope's face.

- What's the word that sounds like repugnant.

But it means that you don't want to, um, you know...

Um... - Reprehensible.

- Rep-re-hens. I would've thought of it, but thank you.

- Hey, Alex. - What?

- Take a look at this.

There's a video that's got over

half a million hits since yesterday and growing.

- Oh, yeah. Well, good for them.

Yours truly is not in the market

of sending traffic to somebody else's bullshit website.

- Yeah. We've got our own bullshit website to worry about.

He's got good taste though. She is cute.

- What? We never put up anything that's fake.

- Of course we do. - Bigfoot, found alien footage.

All that shit is fake. So this, this is different.

It's viral marketing. You can tell.

Oh, okay. Let me just do this.

Yeah, see? There.

How convenient, the name of the dumb ass S and M club

right there for everybody to see.

A drink, a blow job and a mojito.

How scary.

Have you ever been to one of these clubs, Junie?

Seriously?

It's, it's like trying to go to a nude beach.

You expect "Sports illustrated,"

but you get, well, people like me.

- Ew. Yuck.

- Yeah, thanks.

The point is, that's fucking staged.

- We could use some of those nice juicy hits.

- I'm telling you that this sort

of thing flows the other way.

It sucks our viewers to them, not the other way around.

Now, sugar pie, honey bunch, can we please get back to work?

And don't give me that sourpuss look.

What?

- Eddie, go get Alex. I need you 10 go get Alex.

- He's asleep.

What's going on?

He's asleep. What's going on?

Is this live?

Alex!

Alex, get down here!

Alex. Wake up.

- Jesus fucking Christ.

How many fucking times have I told you to stop doing that?

- Be nice. - Fuck!

- Oh, what a piece of work is man.

How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty,

in form and movement, how express

and admirable- - Enough! Enough!

- Keep your- - Enough!

What?

- Guys? Guys.

Alex, come here.

Hellfire House is live streaming again.

- Are you fucking kidding me? That's why you woke me up.

Just watch.

- Well, this one's in a hurry.

- Must be giving them some sort of hypnotic drug.

- Oh, so you don't think it's actually his blood?

- Look, I don't know what this is.

- So you don't think this is a, a real live,

honest-to-gosh vampire live streaming his killings.

- Alex, there doesn't have to be a real live

vampire for killings.

- Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense.

All the stuff where he's turning into a vampire,

that's fake.

But all the stuff where he's killing these chicks,

that's real, that's what you believe?

Seriously?

- I don't know. Alex, there's something about this.

- Interesting.

Always surprises. I'm impressed.

Usually when a woman marks herself in this way,

the canvas of flesh quite overwhelms the illustrations.

But these...

are quite lovely.

- Do you have any tattoos?

I'd love to see them.

- I'm afraid not.

- Wait.

Can, wind it back.

- What?

- The part where he's b-biting her. Wind it back.

I wanna see what- - Yeah, yeah. Hold on.

- Did you catch it? - Catch what?

- Just slide over.

- Jesus Christ, Alex, what the fuck?

- Yeah, this is getting weird. Even been for you.

- Just wait a second, okay. Fuck.

There.

You see it?

- See what?

- It's her jugular.

- No. God, no.

Okay.

The jugular is a vein in the neck right here.

What you're probably thinking of

is the exterior carotid arteries,

which are here and here in the neck.

But this, that's the axillary artery.

It, it, it runs under the collarbone,

provides blood to the shoulder and the arm.

- He is never gonna let us forget

that he took a year of med school.

- Two and a half. Get it straight.

- Okay? So whatever the fuck this um, monetary-

- Axillary, axillary artery.

- All right, axillary artery. So?

- So? Why bother?

If this is just viral marketing,

why bother with this obscure anatomical detail?

It makes more sense dramatically

to just go for the throat.

- Okay, so doesn't that mean

that somehow or other this is all real?

- Yeah, I guess it does.

- Oh fuck.

- Okay. So what do we do about it?

- We're gonna air it...

in the next show.

And now it's time for Alexander's "Church of Chills."

- What is the point of this nonsense?

- Just watch, my Lord.

How did this happen?

These dabblers, how did they find us?

- I don't know. I can't seem to track them down.

They keep themselves hidden, just as we do.

- No, not as we do.

They're close.

In case you were wondering,

the two Carnage House streams,

they're both over

Go figure.

Jesus. Take a look at these numbers.

780,000, 790,000.

Well, I scored that high.

- That's not them, Mastermind. This is us.

- Are you kidding me?

- Hey guys, take a look at this. Found another one.

- Another one what?

- Another Carnage House killing. This one's different.

- What do you mean? Different how?

- It's old.

It's gotta be the first one.

Look. Okay, see one and two.

They're both over a million hits.

This one, it's only got seven.

- Why would they pull that back?

- It must be some, some kind of rehearsal.

Maybe it wasn't meant for streaming

or maybe something went wrong or...

- Okay, well that seems to be everything on the punch list.

We should check the mirrors.

- Of course.

- Oh, the new sign isn't in place.

Well, there's something there. Kreur, Kreurheim?

- Yes. It's the name of the home.

It's an old word. It means house of blood.

- Oh!

- Not my blood. The blood of my family.

- All right.

Excuse me.

Okay. Well, it seems that everything's in order.

- So it seems.

A little rough around the edges, yet,

could see its final form

starting to peek through its chrysalis.

- Well, yes, I suppose.

Um. Okay, well, that is everything.

Oh, God. What was I thinking?

You have to sign the deed.

- Is this completely necessary?

- Yeah.

Great. Okay.

Well, I-I think that's everything then.

So, I'm gonna get going.

- Can't be leaving yet. We have to christen the place.

- Oh, no, no, I really, I don't have time for that.

- Please.

- Uh. Well...

- To extraordinary things.

- Yeah, to extraordinary things.

- Ooh!

Wow. That is some strong stuff.

- Yes, well, I found it necessary.

- Necessary?

- Necessary for creating a connection between us.

Don't you feel- - Um.

- Connection between us?

- Yeah, no, I, I I, well, I, I I really should.

I gotta, I have to go.

- Oh, that would be a terrible waste. Wouldn't you agree?

There we are.

So much finer you appear

without those rags wrapped around you.

A sacrifice perfect for the gods.

- No.

- Ready to be laid on the altar.

- No.

- Yes. This was all meant to be.

Here we go. - No!

- No! No!

No.

- Jesus.

Some fucking rehearsal.

Kreurheim. I've heard that name before.

It's some big old stately home or something, isn't it?

- Beats me.

You'll find that your machines

no longer work for now.

- What the hell.

- Fuck. He's right.

Yes, I am.

So do I have your attention now,

Mr. Jarvis, ladies?

- Holy shit. Alex, if he knows our names...

- Okay.

You have our attention. What can we do for you?

What you can do for me?

I was thinking more along the lines of what you've done

to me by making public what I've chosen to keep private.

I suspect you have no idea to what extent

your thoughtlessness has inconvenienced me.

- What do you mean we made public?

You live stream your thing

to hundreds of thousands of people.

Don't light that cigarette.

In fact, I want you to stop smoking altogether.

It's a sordid habit.

A habit of weak men, and it pollutes the body.

- Dude, it's just a cigarette. - Put it down!

- Okay? I'm sorry.

Mr. Jarvis, I plant my seeds very cautiously.

That's why no one outside of my circle knows about us.

That is, until now.

Because of you.

You've chosen to imprudently scatter

those seeds to the wind.

- I'm sorry, |- didn't understand.

|-I don't understand.

I don't suppose you're willing to share

why you want to do this seed scattering.

T-t-to threaten us.

I don't threaten people.

If I considered you a danger to me,

you would never have seen me coming.

- Then, |-I don't know what. To, to explain?

Or, um, to, I, I don't know.

Um, I, I guess I'm done. I, I mean, I'm, I'm done guessing.

- Renfield.

- Junie. What?

I'm afraid I didn't quite catch that young lady.

- Renfield is a character in the novel "Dracula.”

It's a novel about- - Yes.

I am familiar with the work.

Renfield is, how would you describe him?

The groveling, lunatic servant of the vampire.

- I thought that maybe you thought about us like that.

You're not far from wrong, Ms. Coleman.

But upon examination, it's obvious to me

that you're all thoroughly trivial creatures.

Not even useful to me as Renfields, as you put it.

Of course you agree, don't you?

- I don't know.

Don't you?

- Yes.

Huh.

Yes. I agree.

I mean, I, I can see exactly...

They're gone!

- Sunlight.

Shit, that's why he's gone.

- For now.

Fuck!

- Alex.

Alex.

- What? - So what the fuck

do we do now?

- Um. Okay.

I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

The footage of the contractor lady, we air it tonight.

- Are you fucking crazy?

- Haven't we pissed him off enough?

- Well he obviously didn't want it aired.

There's clearly something on there

that he didn't want anyone to see.

So we're gonna let people see it.

- Seriously, Alex, you are fucking mental.

- Juniper, what are you doing?

- What does it look like I'm doing, Alex?

- You really think you're gonna be able

to outrun this guy if he wants to find you?

- I think I have a better chance of outrunning him

if I fucking run.

Goddammit, where are my shoes?

- Junie. - Where are my fucking shoes?

- Can you please just calm down?

- I am calm.

Okay.

- Alex, I want my money. I need my money.

- Jesus, Junie. We didn't even discuss-

- Cut the bullshit.

You always said we were equal partners in this.

We have money. I'm dissolving the partnership.

I need whatever part of the share that is mine. Okay?

So go get that cash box, Alex. I need my money.

- Junie, can we just talk.

- Talk about what?

Fine, Eddie. Fine.

Yeah, go ahead, talk. Talk about what?

- I just don't think that-

- That's right. There's nothing to talk about.

Enough. Go get the cash box, Alex.

- Alex.

- Fine!

- Seriously, Alex, you keep the key in the lock?

- What do you want from me?

I would've lost it otherwise. - Jesus Christ. Hurry up.

- Hey!

- I don't have time for this.

We don't have time for this.

Shit. I didn't realize how broke we were.

- Seriously? Take a look around.

- Fine. Okay.

$850. That's my share.

I'm taking it.

- Junie, please.

- Junie, wait.

- Alex.

- Take care.

- I love you guys.

Just do yourselves a favor and run.

Eddie.

- So?

- So, so we do what I fucking said, okay?

We air it tonight

and we try to figure out why the fuck

he didn't want anyone to see it and shit, I don't know.

I don't know what the fuck else.

I'm not fucking Van Helsing, Eddie.

There are no more fucking Van Helsings.

- Jesus Christ, Alex.

Why the fuck are you yelling at me? What did I do?

- Ah, fuck.

- What do you want from me?

- I don't know. I don't know.

I'm sorry. Okay.

I know it's not your fault, but I-I'm just, I'm just...

It's this, it's crazy.

- Shit.

Jesus Christ. - Shh.

Reading room.

- Oh, well, sorry, but you scared the...

I mean, you scared me to death.

- I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to creep up on you.

- It's, it's okay.

- I was just wondering if I might be able to help with this.

- I, I'm not sure.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

It's always getting tangled up in, in everything.

Here, let me. - That's, it's okay.

- Hmm. Kreurheim? - Yes.

- I'm trying to find- - Local history. Hmm.

- I'm sorry?

- I think I can help you.

- Really? - Yes. I'll be back.

With this.

- "Kreurheim Vampire Cults."

Holy shit it's here. God!

Seriously, thanks. I would've never found this on my own.

I swear.

You are a fantastic librarian.

- Who said I was a librarian?

- Christ, why does stuff like this always happen to me?

- Jesus Christ. I'm sorry.

Come on.

Come on, you piece of shit. Come on.

Ow! God dammit!

Oh, please forgive me.

Please forgive me. Okay.

Okay.

- Hey Alex, I love what you've done with the place.

What do you got?

- That's the place.

It was built in 1880.

Whatever he's doing now, he was trying

to do the same thing back then.

He just couldn't make it work.

- Wait, what, what is this book?

"Death Cults Through the Ages."

- Let me read this to you. This is a quote,

"SO speaks Senor Arturo Valenor of the family Valenor.

'I have labored in the shadows for a very long time

to bring forth a great change in the world.

A change that will be forged in passion and blood.

When the final sacrifice is performed

before the great convocation of my followers,

the world of the living will be overthrown

and the Lord of the eternal night will rule.

Here, listen to this.

"Multiple reports, screams in the night

and horrible odors coming from the Kreurheim mansion."

- Kreurheim mansion?

- Right, that's that big closed up place

out by Regency Park.

It's right here in town.

"Police conducted a raid in the summer of 1892.

In the basement, they found the torn, decayed

and partially devoured remains

of over 200 women and children.

Evidence suggested unholy ritualistic acts

conducted both before and after death."

- Lovely.

- "No trace was ever found of Valenor or his followers.

Ownership of the mansion was passed 10 a single relative

who has sealed up the property.

It has been maintained unoccupied for over a century.”

Alex, look at this.

Don't you see, Alex?

It's them. All three of them.

They haven't aged.

- Yeah. Yeah. I see.

- This is what he's trying do.

It's what he's been trying to do since, since back then.

This motherfucker isn't just looking for blood and tits.

He's trying to destroy the whole fucking world.

- I mean, he hasn't had much luck though, right?

Because it's been, what, like a hundred and something years?

- Goddammit. Don't you get it?

They didn't have live streaming back then.

Don't you see what he's doing?

He needs some critical mass.

That's what all this is about.

Look, see.

The stars, just right.

The number of worshipers, just right.

The sacrifices, just right.

The rituals, just- - No, no.

- Jesus Christ, Alex, Don't give me that look.

Don't tell me you suddenly don't believe it.

This is what's happening right now.

- Okay. Right.

So what are we supposed to do?

Go over there and stake him through the heart.

They, they would Kill us in two seconds.

We can't just let this-

- Okay, let's, let's just, let's just think about this.

Okay?

He didn't want anybody to know this stuff, right?

To, to know who he is,

where he lives, what he's trying to do.

So we do like I said, we put it up and let people see it.

And, and, and maybe, you know, maybe that,

that screws the whole thing up.

It blows up the ritual.

- Alex. - No, no. Come on.

We gotta get this streaming before sunset.

- Jesus, I don't know if we have the time.

It's all- - It doesn't matter.

It's fine.

Come on, we'll get it streaming and just let it go. Come on.

And now it's time for Alexander's "Church of Chills."

This is an emergency broadcast.

Listen, this is Kreurheim, built in the 1800s.

It has been the scene of nightmares and murders.

It still is.

This man is Arturo Valenor,

only he's not just a man, he's something else.

One of the undead, a vampire who feeds on human blood.

He's there right now at Kreurheim.

And what he was trying to do back then,

he is still trying to do right now.

He's trying to destroy

the whole, fucking-

- What the hell?

Alex the feed. What happened to the feed?

- How should I know.

- It's him.

- Some of you no doubt have been tuning in

to Mr. Jarvis's "Church of Chills."

We here at Kreurheim have been enjoying it all evening.

But now we have other business to attend to.

I'm sure all of you accept our invitation

to take part in this ritual.

Jesus.

Alex, do you know how many people

are watching this right now?

- Christ, Eddie.

I don't think right now is the time for that.

- 185, 187.

And that's just us.

- What the fuck?

I mean, how did he even know that we were gonna be stream...

What are the numbers on his stream?

- No good. He's locked us out again.

- Oh shit. The sacrifice, fuck, it's Junie.

Oh my god. Fuck, what do we do?

Oh my God.

Fuck! You fucking leave her alone, you asshole!

Oh my God.

What do you want from us?

- What do I want?

What does a cat want with a mouse?

Come on.

- Ah!

- He's gone.

- What a terrible shame.

So pale and pure.

Oh, if I had the time to truly enjoy...

their untouchable delights.

So are these.

Aargh!

- There's someone down there.

- Who's there?

- What?

- I thought I told you to stop smoking.

I said...

Put it out.

- Junie.

Junie what happened? Are you okay?

- Yes. I'm quite all right.

Everything turned out just as I planned.

I was worried for some time

that you two fools wouldn't play your appointed roles,

but in the end,

you perform the final sacrifice admirably.

- I don't understand.

Wh-what's going on.

- Yes, I was worried about that.

- Alex, you idiot. It's not Junie.

- What?

- Listen to them, the children of the night,

what music they make.