Original subtitles

The key to any relationship is timing.

You know what, Larry?

No, what?

Things have been going so well with me and Kate that I think we're ready. Oh my

gosh, Benjamin Louise Parr.

Are you saying what I think you're saying?

Larry, it's Louise, and you know that.

And no, I'm not proposing to Kate. I'm just thinking of asking her to move in

with me. Oh.

You know, for someone who doesn't believe in love, you get surprisingly

about weddings. Ben, every wedding is an opportunity for me to be proven wrong,

all right? It's also an opportunity for me to trick drunk girls into thinking

I'm a NASCAR driver.

Anyway, I know moving in together is a big step.

But Connie's been at Tiffany's this whole week, and so I've been staying

Kate every night and Larry.

It has been great. I just need to make sure that Kate feels the same way before

I ask her. But I am ready for phase two, Larry, which, if all goes according to

schedule, should last six months. And then...

On to phase three. Oh, my God. Wherein I propose.

Oh, Benjamin, please have a spring wedding because you know I look amazing

white. Our love is volatile, chemical, anything but typical. I want you

badly. I love you madly.

So, uh, something weird happened to me today.

I got an email from Tom Stevens.

He says he's in town and he has to talk to me. Very mysterious.

Why don't I ever hear from any of my old high school boyfriends?

What are you talking about? You heard from Tony Tucci. He was just looking for

people to invest in his chicken restaurant where you kill your own

It's actually doing pretty well.

Wait, I didn't ask you. You had dinner with your dad and Penny last night.

that go?

It was fun. My dad's really excited about getting married and I'm happy for

And Penny?

Yep, she was there, too.

Thank you so much for dinner. That was fun.

Oh, my pleasure. But you know, I still don't know who ordered the tats.

Every time, Dad.

So I'll see you throughout the rehearsal?

Yes, very exciting. Now, I assumed you wouldn't be bringing a date because you

are always single.

I'm not always single.

So I sat you with Aunt Ava, Aunt Mary, and Aunt Jane.

You sat me at the old maid's table.

Honey, you shouldn't say old maid.

You're not going to like it when people call you that.

You are about to have an actual wicked stepmother.

She makes my dad happy, and ever since my mom died, he's been so lonely.

There must be someone that you can take.

What about Brad?

Or gay Brad, or gay Steve, or Steve?

No, they're my friends, and I'm not going to subject any of them to Penny.

just take somebody you don't care about, or someone you hate.

Someone like... Mike,

God, you smell like a deli counter.

Yeah, it's because I burped right before I sat down. Who'd I go with?

You said that in the cab.

Didn't.

Larry,

how would you like to go to a wedding this weekend?

Done. This is funny.

Oh, this is a dilemma. This is because I love weddings, but I do not care

for her.

Well, I didn't even want you to go anyway.

Okay, fine, fine. It's settled.

I'm coming.

I will be the gentleman dressed completely in white.

Maybe we should, um... Oh.

I keep forgetting.

Connie's at Tiffany's. We can do it wherever we want.

We could do it on the kitchen table.

Nothing is stopping us.

It is a little drafty in there.

Wouldn't it be great if it could be like this all the time?

Do you mean just foreplay? Because I kind of like the other stuff, Ben.

No, that's not what I meant.

I love having the plays all to ourselves.

I really appreciate you helping me out, Larry. You're such a smart, kind,

patient lawyer.

And cute.

I love a man in uniform.

This is a suit.

Yeah. A lawyer uniform.

Come on, Larry.

It just makes sense for us to be together.

You look like you smell a ghost.

Yeah. Let me ask you something.

If you dream about kissing somebody, subconsciously that means you hate that

person, right?

No, I think that means you want to kiss them. Oh, are you some kind of dream

expert now, Dr. Freud?

Why are you in my office, Larry?

I just wanted to know what that is. What is that?

This is a key to my apartment.

I got the signal from Kate last night. She is ready to move in.

Good.

You love wrapping stuff.

I'm sorry I must have the wrong office. I was looking for a clumsy girl with a

really bad perm.

I did not even recognize you without your bad perm.

Hi. Hi.

Oh, gosh.

So, what's the big mystery? Why are you in New York? It's kind of a funny story,

and it involves you.

Ooh, exciting.

Here, sit.

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

You know, not hot, hot, just coffee hot.

Okay, one more of these to sign, and you'll have officially filed for

You okay?

I'm great.

You know, I feel more and more like Bernie did me a favor.

Besides, this is kind of fun.

I'm like a businessman.

Bye!

Sell! That's funny.

Oh, and you actually signed sell.

Okay, that's right. I have a few of these.

you looking at me like that? Because I'm just now realizing that your left eye

is higher on your head than your right, and it's gross.

Really? Well, I'm just realizing why this house smells like feet.

Well, pardon me for choosing not to subject my feet to the tyranny of foot

dungeons.

Just remember my dad's rehearsal dinner is at 8 p .m. tonight. Don't be late.

Okay, fine. That's good.

Why don't I just pick you up here?

Wait, what's wrong with you?

Why are you being nice to me? Forget it. No, no, no, no. I guess if you're going

to be my boyfriend, it makes sense for us to be together.

What did you say?

It just makes sense for us to be together.

You know, I think I got everything that I needed here.

I just wrote buy and sell on those. Oh, that's cool. I can make that work.

I have a few minutes before I'm due in court, so I figured I would bring you

this, but you are with a dude.

A very handsome dude.

In a little shirt.

Hi, I'm Ben Parr. Tom Stevens.

Hi.

I was just sitting here.

Who's Tom?

I see that.

No big deal. No big deal at all. Uh -huh. Kate, are you being robbed?

I'm being robbed.

That's a good one.

What's going on? Why are you acting so weird?

I'm not acting weird. Am I acting weird?

Yeah, a little bit.

Look at that.

Tom and I already agree on something. Who is Tom?

I'm so sorry. Tom just finished telling me something that I find very hard to

believe.

Okay,

it's actually really funny if you think about it. I think you are going to find

this funny. Did I just tell him?

You maybe just put your shirt back on.

Um, Ben.

Tom and I are married.

Pretty funny, right?

Tom, you have a husband?

Yes, but he's engaged.

To a different girl, not Kate.

Yes. So, I'm getting married, again.

Yes. Congratulations.

But don't you think that's being a little hoggy with the marriages?

Ben, it really is a funny story. I'm sure it is. Kate, and I can't wait to

all about your marriages. Any kids I'm not aware of? You know what? Don't spoil

it. I have to go to court. Tell me your story later. You are really taking your

time putting that shirt back on. Thank you.

Uh, Benjamin, I'm freaking out. Oh, really? Did you just meet your

husband?

I'm starting to regret asking Larry to go to this wedding with me. He wants me

to match my dress to his cummerbund.

Tom, Stevens and I are still married.

Okay, your thing is bigger.

Some sort of clerical error. That's why Tom was trying to get in touch with me.

This was not how Faith 2 was supposed to go, Larry.

So Ben just surprised me in my office. I went to surprise her in her office, and

she was there with this guy.

So Ben just took off.

All right, all right. We'll just find Ben and explain what happened.

You know what? You need to go marry someone else really fast.

Are you okay?

Thanks, Larry.

I'm nervous about tonight.

Don't take this the wrong way, but you don't look disgusting tonight.

Let me remind you why you are here, and so that my new stepmom doesn't think I

can't get a date.

Uh -huh. Let me remind you that I'm here because I love weddings, and all things

wedding -related, okay? I .e., bridesmaids.

It's just that everyone here is so old.

Except for her.

No, she's old, too.

Dad!

How are you?

Thanks for being here.

Dad, this is Larry.

Well, nice to meet you, son. Connie has told me next to nothing about you.

But I would have to say right off the bat, you remind me of a young Ulysses S.

Grant.

And believe me, that is a compliment.

Oh, excuse me. There's my brother. I better go get his car keys before he

starts.

I like him. I know, my dad's awesome. Yeah. He's not the problem.

Oh, God, here comes the problem.

Oh, gosh, Connie, won't you wear pants, too?

I'll take another vodka gimlet.

Oh, Penny, this is my date, Larry.

Yeah, hi, and what a pleasure it is to meet you. Nice to meet you, Gary.

Connie, there's a brush in my purse if you need it.

You need it.

Hey, Val, good to see you.

Are you kidding me? What just happened there?

I thought I would enjoy watching someone put you in your place, but that was

just unsettling. It's like watching that video where the bears play hockey, and

you kind of think it's funny at first, and then you just feel bad for the

Look at my dad, Larry.

Do you see how happy he is? I just want this to be a nice night for him.

So the only thing that you have to do is don't rock the boat. Fine, yeah,

message received, okay?

Clarification.

Would my lewd dance moves be considered boat rocking?

Is it Mrs.

Stevens?

Ben, I know you're upset, and I totally understand.

You should have told me, Kate.

And I would have. I didn't even know.

Tom and I dated in high school. We were at Niagara Falls for our senior trip,

and someone just dared us to get married.

People do stupid things when they're that close to Canada.

I think you and I have different definitions of the word stupid.

To me, stupid is accidentally eating cat food, which I have never done.

We thought about it and all the next morning, and then Tom found out a month

there was some sort of clerical error. So technically, you and I, mister, have

been having an affair.

So it's kind of sexy, isn't it?

Okay, not sexy.

And I'm sorry.

I know. It was nothing, right? I guess I just got a little freaked out when I

saw the handsome, topless guy. You were married.

Two.

But now I am all good.

It's fine.

Thank you.

You know what would make it more fine?

If a handsome, top -wearing lawyer would help make me a divorcee.

Okay.

I'll call Larry. He's got a lot of great tops.

Oh, the dance floor is a privilege, not a right.

Somebody should tell Penny that. I don't know what my dad sees in her.

I don't know. You know, between the vodka breath and the bang -on Cruella de

impression, what's not to love?

I'm probably going to regret saying this, but I'm actually glad I invited

I'm not having a horrific time myself.

Oh, God, she's looking over here.

We're doing this.

Oh, are we? Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. Okay. I cannot be held responsible for what

happens to you out here with me.

I'll take my chances.

Do you want to let me lead?

You know how to dance?

Tap, ballet, modern, a little bit of square.

I'm impressed.

Really? Uh -huh. How about now?

Well,

I guess it's show -off hour on the dance floor.

I understand why you wore the pants.

Come on, chicken neck. Come on, vodka face.

I'll make a Kobe Connie.

No, I'm going to get a drink.

You're used to hearing that.

What is your problem with Connie?

Excuse me?

She's not going to say anything because she loves her dad, but I will, okay? You

are being extremely rude.

I guarantee if you gave her a shot, you would like her because she is smart and

funny. She's got this great laugh that just sort of falls out of her mouth.

face, you know? I like her hair.

What am I talking about?

What are you talking about? You should be nicer.

And while you're at it, maybe lay off the polka dots because you look like a

jockey.

You have officially ruined my rehearsal dinner.

Oh, come on, Penny. The jockey thing could be a compliment. Those guys are

adorable.

How is that not rocking the boat, Larry?

I asked you to do one thing.

Just one thing and you screw it up.

To our first marriages.

And to our first divorces.

Thank you, Ben. Oh, anytime.

Although, yeah, let's not do it again.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. I saw your mom the other day at the stop and shop.

She had like 200 coupons.

I had to get out of the line.

You met Cloris, right, man?

I haven't actually, no.

But I am a big coupon man myself, so I'm sure we're going to hit it off like

gangbusters.

Larry, hey, this is Tom, Kate's soon -to -be ex -husband.

You're very handsome.

Thank you. I should go.

Oh, I forgot to ask you, who's your fiancée?

You know her. It's Laura Marcus.

Laura Marcus?

I'm so sorry. No, no. I know.

I hated her, and she hated me. We fought all the time.

But I guess you don't argue that much unless there's something underneath it.

Excuse me.

Speak of the devil.

Hey, Laura.

I said I'd take it out when I get home. God!

You know, I gotta take off, too. What do you mean? You just got here. Yeah, I'm

gonna go find Connie.

I don't know what that was.

Hey, Dad. Hi.

I'm sorry.

I hope Larry didn't ruin the night. Is Penny okay?

Oh, she's fine.

Now, there's nothing you can do or say to Penny that a few shrimp and gimlets

can't fix.

Wow, from this distance, it almost looks like she approves of my outfit.

She doesn't.

ask you something?

She's not always like this.

She knows just how important you are to me.

And you see, that makes her nervous every time she's around you.

So she's usually nicer?

No, she's not nice.

No, truth is, I haven't met anyone since your mom passed that challenges

me the way Penny does. She keeps me on my toes.

And I don't know about you, but...

I don't think I would have any fun in a relationship that was easy or

supportive.

So, where'd General Grant go?

Somebody gave me a $50 bill, and I wanted to hold this up against his face.

that not him?

He left.

I'm sorry that he insulted Penny.

Well, you know, I don't think that's really what he was doing.

I think it was more he was defending you.

Oh, come on.

If you found a boy who actually likes that weird laugh of yours, and he looks

like one of our greatest presidents, I say, hold on to that puppy.

He said he liked my laugh? Yes, and your hair.

He said he liked your laugh and your hair.

And I can't remember. I grew up in the 60s.

I'm sorry to just drop in on you like this, Tiffany.

It's okay. I'm actually looking for Connie, which is crazy.

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

What could be wrong? That I'm getting divorced?

That I wasted the best years of my life?

You're 25.

Exactly.

And I'm going to die alone.

Hey, listen to me. No, no, women, women like you do not just die alone, okay?

That's ridiculous.

That would be like...

America embracing soccer. It's never going to happen, okay? So I wish Ben

just drop it.

I'm so happy you came over.

Yeah. You always make me feel better.

Oh, okay.

So earlier this afternoon, you came by my office with a present in your hand.

No, I'm totally not happy you need to give it to me, but...

You know how much I love presents. Okay, that actually was a

present for me.

Yep, that I wrapped up for myself. Why? Because I'm working.

It was a key to my apartment.

What?

I was going to ask you to move in with me.

But I didn't know if it was appropriate in front of your husband.

And now, I'm just, um, I'm feeling like maybe I've been rushing through things.

And I have loved every bit of it, Kate.

But maybe before we move forward, we should go back and catch up on some of

stuff we missed.

Okay.

Um, so what does that mean?

It means, how about...

We start from the beginning.

For some people, bad timing can actually be a good thing.

It can get you going down an even better road than the one you've been on.

I'm Ben.

I'm Casey.

For others, if your timing is off even by seconds, it can set you back years.