Original subtitles

A lot can happen when a visitor comes to town, whether it's a relative, an old

friend, the Pope, or as hard to believe as it might be, in her case, a new

boyfriend.

Larry. Hi.

Do you want to go see a movie this weekend?

Before you answer, just know that the only reason I asked you is so that you

would say sure, and then I could say sorry. I can't because my policeman

boyfriend's coming to town, so I'm going to be with him.

Ah, I feel like going to a movie.

So what are you and Dennis going to do? I don't know. I'm trying to think of

something fun to do. Yeah, I have an idea. Why don't you guys go driving

handing out tickets to people who don't deserve them? Because if I remember

correctly, that's sort of your boyfriend's thing.

I thought you weren't wearing your seatbelt. And I thought you were my

Oh. Oh, now we're supporting each other?

I'm actually kind of nervous about being Dennis again.

Why? You guys had so much fun that time. Did we?

That was two weeks ago.

People change.

I'm just not sure he's right for me.

Don't do the checklist thing. Just because a guy can speak a foreign

and read the book a week does not mean he's dating material.

You want to know who reads the book a week?

Inmates.

Don't knock the checklist, Kate. It has steered me away from many a loser.

What about that funny, handsome doctor? Who wore a pinky ring? Or the sexy

artist? Who casually littered? What about Trevor?

His name was Trevor.

Sorry we took so long.

Larry did this whole elaborate dance where he pretended to look in his wallet

for money. I swear there's a 20 in here somewhere.

Oh, my God, this is awesome. I get to take care of my boss's dog, Pasta, this

weekend. Samantha usually does it, but she broke both her legs.

Which I feel terrible about.

I don't know if that's such a good idea, Kate. You're not... Yes, I am.

She did something not good with animals. I grew up on a farm.

Where the animals would literally run away from you. Her dad eventually had to

reinforce the fence to keep the cows in.

He told me that was just to make them feel safe.

You know what? I'm over all of that anyway. And lately, I've really been

a pet. I think looking after this dog would be great practice. And a chance to

impress my boss.

Maybe you should practice on a pet whose owner can't fire you.

You know what? Don't worry.

I'll help.

When I was a kid, I had three dogs, and they all loved me.

Well, two of them love me, and one of them was, well, not all there.

We can take care of your dog together. It'll be fun.

See,

this is fun, right?

Okay, don't worry. I can handle this.

It reminds me of our third dog, Switchback. He would shoot through

You know what?

I'll bribe him. I'm not above that.

You know what?

That was probably just a love nip.

Some dogs do that. That's how they show affection.

That thing is a monster.

I guess the better question is, what's the appropriate time not to use your

siren?

You're funny, Dennis.

Do you know a foreign language?

I don't barely know English that good.

That's a joke, honey.

Okay, good.

But so that's no, then, on the language question. That's enough.

Hey, do you own any jean shorts?

Not enough.

I mean, what other shorts can you wear with cowboy boots?

Connie, I know what you're doing. We all have checklists, but some of us are a

little more subtle about it.

I'm sorry.

I don't mind.

I'm just curious how I'm scoring.

Well, you started out slow, but you're picking up.

That's too bad, because you're not doing so great.

You already missed three on mine.

I'm not going to say which ones, but you might want to rethink your stance on

popcorn shrimp.

Never.

Has own checklist.

Check.

Hey, how was your date?

Well, he missed a lot of things on the checklist.

But I liked him anyway.

What's that sound?

The washer and dryer?

Oh, the horrible scratching sound?

Yes, that one.

That's the dog.

I'd put him in the bathroom.

Between us, he really loves me.

Plus, I think he really likes it in the bathroom.

I don't think he does.

All right, I should get back.

Kate's alone with the dog.

What are you doing with your Saturday?

I work on Saturdays, Ben.

For me, the law never sleeps.

I'm a warrior for justice.

Wow. You haven't worked on a Saturday since, uh... Nope, you've never worked

a Saturday.

And there's been a miscarriage of justice here, okay?

Connie's boyfriend is... God, those words do not want to be next to each

Anyway, that guy gave me a ticket which I did not deserve, so I'm going to

convince him of his folly. Now, how am I going to do that, you may ask? I was

not going to ask that.

My first thought was that I might go big city lawyer all over his country

bumpkin ass.

But you see, I, the appellant...

We'll be arguing pro se and pro tem that there is a clear conflict of interest

on your part, seeing as you are dating the only other witness to this so

crime.

I'll see you in court, officer.

Officer, I see you have the facts on your side.

You are clearly the better man, both in looks and sexual ability.

Please accept the key to our city.

Why don't you do that?

Well, to be honest, those keys look cool, but they don't actually open

so... Secondly, I think you might see that one coming. So, no, no, no. I have

devised the most brilliant, the most diabolical, most unexpected plan ever.

You're going to become friends with him.

How did you know that?

That's always your plan, Larry.

You become friends with guys to get something from them, and then you forget

want that thing, and you end up just being friends. And no, you still can't

my sister's phone number. Oh, my gosh, I forgot about her.

She is way better looking than you are.

I got a kid.

He was 13 years old.

It was dark.

I couldn't see him. He had a ray gun. He looked real enough.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe that's your favorite line from Die Hard.

This police officer really moved me.

I'm going to go powder my nose.

Why do people say that? It's so much weirder than what I'm actually going to

Which is just pee. Just pee.

Hey, hey.

You're Dennis, right? Connie's friend.

Yeah, and you're, uh... Larry.

Larry Munch. Oh, I remember you.

You're still not wearing your seatbelt.

Although, I guess if you were, I'd have to give you a ticket for being too

crazy. I was actually going to meet somebody here. Do you mind if I join

Well, I'm actually... Oh.

Uh, is that watch you're wearing? The 93Z from the June 2009 issue of

The one that can translate into four languages and do calculus?

Yeah, actually, it is. Oh, my God!

I have the exact same watch!

I thought I was the only one who read SkyMall that thoroughly.

Uh, it's only my favorite place to get gifts for people. My favorite gift is to

get people a subscription to SkyMall.

doing here? Oh, hey, Connie, Larry's waiting to meet someone who wanted to

us. And in the meantime, I think it's safe to say that we're becoming friends.

I don't know about that, but we do have the same watch.

And that's not all we have in common. We've been sitting here for, what, five

minutes and we can already name two things we know we both like? Two things

the SkyMall catalog.

We both like robotic dogs.

That doesn't count.

Everybody likes robotic dogs.

Larry.

Why are you really here? Even you must sense how inappropriate this is. There

nothing inappropriate about a manly friendship.

In fact, I think it's kind of beautiful.

Dennis, are you free tomorrow?

No. Dennis and I are hanging out. He's in town to see me.

Sorry, Larry.

I'll have to take a rain check.

But I'll probably be back in town next month. No, I was hoping to hang out with

you a lot sooner than that. That's... It's okay. We'll figure it out.

There's nothing to figure out. Yeah, we'll figure it out.

Things aren't going great with pasta, but maybe it's not me. Maybe it's the

I mean, maybe pasta just really doesn't like anyone.

I don't think he really likes me.

Maybe he's getting used to us.

What's that noise?

That noise?

Oh, he's purring.

He likes you.

It is me.

I'm the problem.

You know what?

You just need to bond with him. Tomorrow is Sunday.

Why don't you two do something fun together? Just the two of you. You can

a walk or anything.

Sky is the limit.

But probably a walk, right? I mean, he's a dog.

Ben was right.

Look at us, learning to love each other.

This is exactly what we needed.

One -on -one time. Wish those cows could see me now.

Oh, you want to go this way? Right?

Pasta, wait!

Pasta!

Pasta!

Did you find him?

No. I thought I saw him at one point, but then I lost sight of him, so I just

followed the sound of his leash dragging.

But then after four blocks, I came around the corner and I realized I'd

chasing a woman with a rolling suitcase.

Who's terrified?

Needless to say.

That's going to be fine.

Right. It's going to be fine. Fourth case scenario, I lose my job. Have to

out of here because I can no longer afford my half of the rent.

Move back to the farm where every day I see those cow eyes judging me.

I see that you're spinning out, and I would love to help you, but I can't

because I am meeting Dennis for lunch, and I have to go because we're under

attack from Larry.

Is he being mean to Dennis?

I wish. He's trying to be friends with him.

That does sound like you're under attack.

Something. I just can't figure out what it is.

You know what it sounds like to me?

Sounds like you're jealous of Larry and Dennis.

Yeah, I'm jealous, Kate.

Oh, my God.

That's it.

Larry's jealous of me and Dennis.

You're a genius.

Ben, did you find him?

No, no sign of him here either.

Okay, look, don't worry.

We put posters up everywhere. We'll find him. You know...

I don't know what I feel worst about, the fact that Pops is probably getting

inducted into some sort of horrible dog gang.

Or that I might lose my job because of it. Or, and here's the cherry on top, I

have definitively proven that I am incapable of taking care of another

thing.

Well, look, I'm sure he's going to turn up, okay?

We're heading back out there right now. Oh, we're not going anywhere until I

finish eating my breakfast, okay?

I'll call you in a bit.

Bye. What'd you say?

Oh, she's worried. This is a sign that she'll never be able to take care of

anything. She said that? Yeah.

She said those words.

Dude, she's obviously talking about babies.

Exactly. So you know what you've got to do, right?

Run away. Find that dog. What? What is happening here?

I want to have kids with her, Larry.

Ow!

Jeez!

Can we please agree to stop doing that?

Uh, let me think about it.

No. Okay, you know what? Look, I'm not talking about having kids now.

Okay. Right? But eventually, someday, and I don't want her to think she's

to be a bad mom.

As my mom always used to say, Ben, there's no such thing as a good mom.

Anyway, I've got to help her find this dog, okay?

But it could literally be anywhere in Manhattan.

I mean, if you do this right, I'd need the entire police force.

Stop. Stop right there.

This sounds like the perfect opportunity to pay a little visit to my new best

friend.

I don't like wearing Colonel Necks either. Feels like I'm being strangled

someone wearing very soft gloves.

Isn't it nice not having Larry here?

I hadn't thought about it, but sure.

I mean, this whole thing with him trying to be friends with you?

He's up to something.

You think he's trying to get in on my massive inheritance?

You have a massive inheritance?

If the Beanie Baby market remains stable?

I am going to be just fine.

I don't know why I'm even talking about Larry.

He isn't even here.

Hello, Larry. Bonjour, Denis.

Unbelievable. I told you he was up to something.

I'm not up to anything, okay?

Listen, Kate lost her dog, and we were thinking that you might know some cool

police techniques to help find him. I'm really sorry to interrupt your date. I

just... I'm desperate.

It sounds like they could use my help. And I do know cool police techniques.

Larry? Can I talk to you for a second?

No. Over here.

Excuse me.

I know what you're doing here, Larry. Yeah, so do I. I'm asking a law

enforcement officer who also happens to be my new friend to help me find Kate's

dog. You don't care about that dog.

Incorrect. I care deeply about every living creature. You know that. It's my

thing.

You don't care about being friends with Dennis.

How can you say that? We wear the same watch.

So the only other possible reason for you coming here is because you are

jealous. Oh, jealous. Oh, jealous.

Oh, hot dog. I wish I had a mouthful of water so I could do a spit take right

now.

We should really get a move on. The first 48 hours is the most important in

search for a missing person. If you do the math in dog years, we are running

of time.

Ben, Dennis, let's roll.

Is that my sunglasses bag? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, man, how awesome is this, huh? Three buddies just hanging out? Okay, we're

not just hanging out. We're on a job. The important thing is to keep your eyes

peeled, your head on a swivel, and mind your six.

Mind your six? How awesome is that?

Larry, would you stop this, please? We have to find this stuff. I'm looking

harder than anyone, okay? Except for maybe my friend Dennis here.

Ooh, my friend Dennis.

I could get used to that.

Okay, just mind your six, Larry. Mind my six, got it.

What is my sex?

Not at the 18th Street shelter either.

Do you have any other thoughts?

Yeah, that Larry is unbelievable.

I mean, does he really think I would ever like him like that?

That thought is sickening.

This whole love triangle thing is really important, Connie, but please can you

focus? What if we don't find him?

We'll find him.

Manhattan's not that big, and people here like to help, and...

Yeah, they're not going to find him.

Bam. Found him.

Oh, my God. I was going to be in so much trouble.

And more importantly, you're safe.

Where's Dennis?

We broke up in the quadrant.

He'll be back soon. Now, it should be said that even though I'm the one that

found the dog, it wouldn't be possible without the training that Dennis gave

He's not even here, Larry.

Want your pillow, pasta?

There you go, little guy.

You know, maybe he's hungry. Why don't you try giving him a treat?

Looks like pasta's time on the streets really scared him straight.

He's like a whole new dog.

Boom. Found him.

But he must have slipped out of his collar.

Wait.

Who's that?

Oh, no.

Now we have too many dogs.

That can't be pasta.

You said he had brown ear tips.

Oh, my God.

He is good.

Are you sure this one's pasta?

That's him.

You realize you stole a dog, right? It certainly does appear that way.

Thank you so much for helping with the dog. I know Kate really appreciates it.

My pleasure.

Search parties are always fun.

And it was nice to find something that was still alive for a change.

Oh, oh, oh, look at you guys. Oh, so glad I ran into you.

Right on time.

Showing up and interrupting my date again.

What? No, no, I just wanted to make sure that I was here to say goodbye to

Dennis before he left.

Yeah, I know what you're doing here, Larry.

Me too.

Is this obvious?

You're trying to get me to reverse your traffic ticket.

What?

Whoa. Wow, Dennis, that hurts. I haven't even been thinking about that ticket,

all right? But now that you mention it, do friends really give friends traffic

tickets?

I feel like they should be a little more busy doing each other solids and

wearing cool watches and stuff like that.

Robotic dogs.

Well, Larry, I wouldn't be a very good friend if I let you think that driving

without a seatbelt didn't have consequences.

This is all about your stupid traffic ticket? Uh -uh, Connie. There's no such

thing as stupid tickets.

Only stupid idiots.

If you want to fight your ticket in court, I'll be happy to take you to

when you lose.

No, never mind.

I hate court.

Well, I guess you should be taking off.

After 11, the amount of drunk drivers on the road doubles every hour.

By 3 a .m., it's pretty much bumper cars out there.

Okay, well, the next time you come down, I am going to make sure that Larry

doesn't bother us.

Yeah.

I'm not sure I'm going to be coming back down anytime soon, Connie.

Why?

Well, I wasn't surprised that Larry was trying to get out of his ticket, but

what did surprise me was how disappointed you were that that was all

doing.

I don't know what you're talking about. What I'm saying is, maybe the person

you're really looking for isn't the person who would do well on your

Sometimes it takes a person you don't know very well to point out the obvious.

I

guess

people just have different skills. Some people are good at nurturing, and I'm

good at remembering the names of every cab driver I've ever had.

And sometimes a person who knows you best totally misses the point. Gabe, you

have nothing to worry about.

Okay? You are going to be a great mom.

What?

Do you know something that I don't know?

No, no. I just... Well, when you talked about nurturing, I thought you must have

meant nurturing babies.

No, I didn't. I just meant that I hate that I can never have a pet.

Oh.

Well.

That was a serious misread on my part.

Blackmail, duh. I'm going to be an awesome mom. You met me.

But I'm very glad you think so, too.

Hey. Yo.

So, uh, we just saw Dennis leave. Uh -huh.

Take care of that ticket or what? No, no, no, no, but, um, I think we're even.

You stole his sunglasses?

No, he left them on the table, thank you very much. Finders keepers.

Benjamin, Benjamin, head on a swivel.

Any ladies on my six?