Original subtitles

Previously on Love It... Don't make those prison jokes.

Oh, that's my new Padawan.

The good news is he sees you and he thinks you can deliver.

My frat brothers and the girls are all going skiing this weekend. There's an

extra room for us.

I made those plans before I fell in love with you. Of course, I'm not going.

I thought you were different.

We've only known each other for like three days and you've been gone for two

them.

I want to get the jump on traffic.

So?

You ready to go?

Inari?

I'm sorry.

She didn't run after me.

I wasn't trying to go on that trip. No, no, no, no, no. She's lying.

She's lying because she knows she was in the wrong.

I tried to fix it. You wouldn't let me fix it.

His ass is stubborn.

I'm stubborn?

I've known you for three days, and you were gone for two.

Well, you were trying to be all rah -rah, so I had to show you I could be

-rah, too. You see?

You see?

You were playing games. No, you were playing games. No, I was being

recalcitrant.

Well, you're right.

I lied.

I did not run after you.

I went on the ski trip.

Music?

Huh?

I was just wondering if you wanted to hear the radio.

Oh, I hadn't thought about it.

I guess I was enjoying the view so much that I didn't want to cloud it.

I get that.

So, was that my competition back there?

First. I'm not a prize at a carnival.

I wasn't implying. And second.

No. There's no ring on my finger. I can date whomever and as many men as I like.

Oh, is that right?

It is.

Well, then I'm just going to have to pretend like I'm the only one right now.

Wise choice.

What about that one right there?

Nah.

Man, she fine, brother. Look at all that ass right there, baby.

Okay,

if you say no to this one right here, I'm going to start thinking that woman

just ain't your thing no more. And that's cool. Man, look, I want you to

paint or women.

And why is he here?

Actually, he's part of my new business idea.

Here we go. I'm telling you, man, this idea is the one. Aren't they all? I

I found a way to monetize the day labor situation.

You see, most single women, they need someone to repair stuff around the

But they ain't going to approach no grungy, desperate -looking dudes.

They too nervous.

Oh, no, wait, wait, wait. So you talking about pipping out illegal immigrants?

I'm just connecting the supply to the demand.

The middleman, baby.

Okay, yeah, I guess I am pimping.

Por supuesto.

We were so high, we didn't even think to take the gondola.

Well, they sound like a lot of fun.

Oh, they're more than fun.

Brace yourself.

That was all you.

Oh, my God.

We made it, didn't we? We made it.

I want you to meet Craig.

Hi.

This is my man, Chris.

Hi. And this is Pam and Darlene. Oh, I'm Pam.

Dari. Darlene.

And this is Karen and Todd.

Hello. Everyone be known.

Hi, Lori.

Hi, everyone.

I'm sorry. I'm the reason that we're late.

But I brought wine.

Oh, she got drinks. Yes.

Well, if we all take a sip, there'll be enough for everyone.

Isn't she great? Girl, I love your hair. I know, right? She's got that Holly

Berry cut.

It is so cute on you. Thank you.

I wish I had the face for it. Of course you got the face for it. How would you

know? You're always looking at my ass. Hey, but you like it, though, right?

All right, all right, all right. Let's break it up. We got company. Oh, she

agreed to go stand with you. She ain't company.

Ain't that right, Nuri?

Well, can I have one of those?

Already? Oh, Keith, you got you a live one, bro.

Hey, just for that, you get one of these.

All right, now you drink this and you won't be company for long.

What does she keep?

Cheers. Oh, okay. To the Blue Crew.

to move on from Nuri? Was I just going to throw her away?

Hell no.

I hit the power ball with this one.

You see, when you're dealing with independent women who've got their own

you've got to put your foot down.

Otherwise, they just walk all over you.

I didn't eat for two days.

But I got my point across.

Are you good, man?

Hey, man, maybe I should be up there instead of doing this.

How you gonna get your ass up there?

Skip? Skate? Jog?

Man, don't let it get to you.

They probably ain't even having sex.

And the good news for you is blowjobs don't count, thanks to Bill Clinton.

on, man, stop trying to make me feel better.

If Noria isn't smart enough to know what she got, then you don't need her. Or

maybe it was me who wasn't smart enough.

I should have stopped and still let my ego get in the way. And she shouldn't

have taken her ass up there.

Am I right?

Okay, how many women at the hardware store gave you that I want to get what

look? The security guard.

Come on, man. You know he don't count.

I count at least 500.

What did he say? He said,

forget that trick.

Come on, baby.

Inuri.

Hey.

Huh?

Which side of the bed do you prefer?

Um... This one.

I like to face the morning light.

Well, that's perfect.

Because I don't.

See, I knew we were meant to be together.

Sounds that way.

You feel cold.

Why don't you put on your new sweater?

I'm okay.

Your hands are like icicles.

Okay, well, you have two choices.

One, put on your new sweater.

Or two, I warm you up.

My way.

Oh, okay.

Look at you go.

Come here.

Look.

Isn't that funny?

That's why I wanted you to put on the sweater.

We all have nicknames.

See?

Papa Boo.

Come on.

You say it like you mean it.

Papa Boo.

Papa Boo.

Well,

what does this mean?

Columbia 7FIs?

Is this a cult?

No, it's part of a tradition.

All seven of us graduated from Columbia, and this is our fifth ski trip.

You get it?

Oh.

I get it.

And here I come, busting up the tradition.

No, I wanted you to come.

Remember? I think you fit in nicely with our crew.

But if you don't want to be here... No, no.

Of course I want to be here, otherwise I wouldn't have come.

Okay.

Thank you for inviting me.

Well, I'm happy to have you.

You want to head out?

Sure, sure.

I'm going to unpack my bag and then I'll meet you out there.

Are you sure? You don't need any help?

I've delayed you enough.

Get out there with your friends. I'll be right behind you, okay?

See you out there.

Okay. Oh, God.

Oh, come on. All I'm saying is that black people don't get mad cow disease.

And y 'all know why, right? Because we wash our hands.

That's ridiculous.

When's the last time any of y 'all heard of a black mad cow disease casualty?

I have it. It's a good point. Now you buying into this lame argument.

And according to Darwin's theory of natural selection, black people

have made it this far. And yet, here we are.

I ain't trying to hear all that. All I know is white people figured out that A

squared plus B squared equals C squared. But they don't know that salt plus

water equals not dying from mad cow disease.

First of all, try to pass that nonsense off on people who don't know any better.

And second, I bet white people don't sit around talking about us nearly as much.

So can we please change?

What's your take on black people and Mad Cow Disease?

There's no connection.

They don't get it.

See? Thank you. I told you.

And she went to Northwestern. So, is Northwestern supposed to be some sort of

qualifier?

No offense.

None taken. I'm just trying to make a point.

Do your thing.

Fair point.

Nuri, would you please elaborate on your position?

I don't have one.

I overheard you talking some good game, so I used it.

Oh, she got you.

Yes, you can say it.

Yeah, I like it, too.

Well, I like it so much, I want her closer.

Come here, girl.

I'm good.

You know, it's really warm over here, and I just put some logs into the fire.

What logs are you talking about? Papa Boo!

I like the cold. It's refreshing.

How often do you get refreshing in L .A.? Hallie!

Hallie! Hallie!

Hallie! Hallie!

Hallie!

Isn't that better? It's nice and warm for you. Hey, Keith, does your girl do

shorts?

That's a great question.

You ever have one?

Um, no, but I'm good, thank you. Oh, you should try it. It's like an emotional

massage. Yeah?

Yeah, it'll unlock truths about yourself you never even knew.

Uh -huh.

Well, you know I'm a Gemini.

You might unlock a side of me you don't want to see.

Come on, I'll split it with you.

What did you do, just pop it in my mouth? Mm -hmm.

Easy peasy.

Well, I ain't eating none of this shit, because that's what it grows in.

So don't come to me when y 'all need help getting to the hospital.

As a matter of fact, I don't even want to see y 'all in my hospital. When the

ambulance pulls up and the doors open, I see y 'all dumbasses laying there half

dead. I'm going to tell them to let you die, because I told you dumbasses not to

eat that.

Shit!

No, you can't.

Oh, whoops. You dropped yours.

Oh, oops. Yeah, I guess I gotta fix my hot toddy.

Well, considering what it was growing in, I'm sure a little dirt won't hurt

So I thought this trip with Keith was going to be a breeze.

Well, it quickly turned into a horror movie where I was forced into an

marriage.

I mean, the minute I hit the door, his friends handed me a matching sweater

a nickname to go with it. All right.

Suddenly, I felt like I was the missing piece to their couple's weekend. What

the hell is so funny?

Go ahead.

Anyway,

long story short, my decision to go on this trip didn't just affect your seer

and me. It also affected Keith.

Keith's girl.

Please tell me you still have that in the old box somewhere.

Actually, I do, just in case I need me some papa boo.

Oh, my God. What are you doing?

Come on.

Hey,

that fire was talking to me. Did you hear it? No, I didn't hear it. Well,

too bad, because it was saying some interesting stuff. I can't wait for you

share it, but not right now. Oh, it's hot.

Aren't you hot? I'm hot.

Get up.

Shouldn't you keep your clothes on? What if someone comes out?

We all got bodies.

Let them see.

We all got bodies.

You don't want to leave like a little, a little for the imagination?

No.

Oh, that's nice.

Why don't you just go the full Monty?

Yeah, my feet are cold.

That's not the only thing.

Papa Boo is feeling hot.

Wait, that was sad.

Aren't you hot?

Nope. You don't want me? No. You don't want me? No.

I knew it.

Keith.

You're drunk and you're high and you're in the living room naked.

I didn't do that.

Maybe we should though. It's not good. We should. It's not a good idea. Why

Listen, stop.

You know that guy that you saw me with?

Come on. He's someone that I like a lot. Like a lot, a lot.

So, while I appreciate the invitation, I can't have sex with you.

We can still be friends.

You're drunk.

You're high.

So let me get you some water so that you can calm down.

You know, I thought you were the perfect girl for me.

You're the right fit for our crew. You're beautiful. You're smart.

You're funny.

And always unavailable.

I'm really sorry if I led you to believe that there's something there that

wasn't. I try to be everything.

I try. I go to church.

I'm a successful black executive in Hollywood. I try so hard to be

While avoiding the one thing I really am.

Don't worry, Keith.

You'll find the right girl.

I like Todd.

I'm gay.

Karen is a lucky girl.

You know what sucks about love?

Even when you find it, you can't always have it.

Run through is about to start. I know, I know.

Girl, don't let Norman catch you rolling in late. You know he's going to clown

you. I'll be there in a minute.

Not fast enough.

What are you doing?

Nothing. Liar.

I need to talk to him.

Oh my God, really?

Yeah. And how do you plan to do that? I know you're not going to call that

woman's house again.

Leave that woman alone.

It's the only number I have for him.

I can't contact him any other way. Nuri, she was crystal clear with you. Don't

call this house no more.

You know, with an accent.

They're roommates now.

I'm just calling her roommate.

You're just plain stubborn and selfish, aren't you? Some people say stubborn and

selfish. Other people say dedicated and determined.

Okay. Call the other woman and ask for your man.

Okay.

I will.

Hello? You got yourself in a pickle.

You made a bed that you don't want to lie in.

If God wants y 'all to be together, talk, whatever, he'll make another way.

But I'm proud of you for not disrespecting her like that.

Because the last thing the world needs is two more black women fighting over

some man.

Or two more black women being late for work. So, come on.

Okay, I'll see you in there.

Nury, don't... Okay, all right. Call her house, and she ain't gonna

beat you in the head, and don't you call me when that happens.

If you take me, Marvin, I'll pay for parking and

space.

One extra L .A. ticket.

Two desperate friends.

Thank you.

Norman's assistant ain't even here to take notes.

Could that mean no network now?

Therefore, no rewriting?

Just thinking about it makes me wet.

Thank you. That was good.

Thank you.

Guys, that was a perfect run -through. There are no notes, so you ain't got to

go home, but you got to get the hell out of here.

Bye.

Hey.

Hey.

I just wanted to thank you for coming out this weekend. I had a great time.

I had a great time, too.

Thanks for inviting me.

Oh, my friends really liked you.

Todd said, for our Easter egg hunt, he's got a T -shirt with your name on it.

They're cool.

Tell Todd I said thanks.

I will.

So, did I miss something?

What do you mean?

Well, it's just that on the trip you said some things and now it's like it

didn't happen.

Oh, that?

Well, I knew you were feeling uncomfortable and it was my way of

out.

In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best choice, but doing mushrooms

wasn't the best choice either, so... So, all that stuff?

About being gay?

Are you really?

Well, maybe I should be an actor.

I really fooled you, huh?

So you're not gay?

Of course not.

And once you work out that other situation, I'll be waiting in the cut.

Okay.

I appreciate that.

Catch you later.

Yeah. Girl, if you don't hurry up.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Oh! Hey, Norman! Congratulations on a great run -through!

Who is that?

I'm glad you're here. Come into my office, Padawan.

Wait, wait.

Padawan!

My office.

Moonwalk your ass back in here.

I still feel like there's some unmined gold in this episode.

Have a seat, Padawan. Maybe we can find a few more jokes.

But the network said it was great.

Yeah, that's why I don't trust it. They like it too much. They said it was

great. You ever notice how they hardly ever have any notes?

That's not normal. I'm telling you, Nuri, something's brewing.

We've got to be careful we can't get caught slipping because the minute we

we're handled.

Sit down, Padawan. We've got work to do.

Matee, order us up some food.

Didn't you just ask me to do something else?

Now I'm asking you to do this.

God, you know, I can find an assistant who actually likes doing her job.

Good. Then I can find me a boss who can actually afford to pay me to do my job.

Just order the food.

You know, if she didn't know so much, I'd buy her ass.

Hey.

Norman, can I run to the restroom real quick?

Hurry up. Thank you. I'll be right back. All right.

Sorry. Don't get it twisted. I'm from the hood.

A bitch has reflexes. Sorry.

Get yourself hurt.

First of all, I didn't call him. Ain't that like you did me a favor?

I did you a favor, remember?

Yes, of course. I know you did. And I'm really sorry for bothering you with this

again, but I need your help.

I told you to come on.

You shouldn't be trying to kiss Norma's ass all the time.

I ain't got to sit there and listen to his ignorant ass jokes and his old ass

stories. Even though you've heard them shit a thousand times.

You're right. I was doing too much. I shouldn't have been trying to be Miss

Goody Two -Shoes.

But that's why I need your help.

You are the neediest person I know.

What is it now?

I need you to help me track your fear down.

Well, the answer is no.

First, I'm going to color me mine to finish my mug. And then I'm going home

have a glass of wine and plop my escape out of here.

Did you hear that damn run -through? If I don't talk to him tonight, I know it's

over.

I'll give you gas money.

and a Color Me Mine gift card. Okay, damn.

What do I got to do this time?

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay, all you have to do is drive by and tell

me and see if he's there.

Then what?

Teach me.

One, if he's there.

Two, if he's not.

That's it?

Yes. I got it. I'm gone.

Thank you, friend.

Yep, get out.

All right.

Marvin suddenly appears on screen dressed as Miss Cleo and says, Carmen,

Sounds good to me.

Oh, man.

You know, I met Miss Cleo once.

Everybody thinks she's a fake.

But I can tell you she's not.

She predicted I'd be married five times.

Wow. Yeah.

I'm on my third one now.

And that was almost a wrap last week.

And what makes you think there'll be five?

You can always stop getting married.

No. I don't like being alone.

Uh -uh.

And the way I screw things up, I know it's going to happen.

It's only a matter of time before Val gets sick of my ass.

It's a one.

Huh?

That's the one thing I never knew about you, Norman.

What the hell are you talking about? Are you having a stroke?

I remember when my cat had a stroke.

No, what I meant was, I never knew you were into those sort of things.

Psychics and stuff. Oh, shoot.

They helped me through some tough times.

Then I know someone that you'd really like to meet.

Yeah? Who is it?

My mother.

Your mother? She's a numerologist.

Numerology? Mm -hmm.

She's into all of that? Mm -hmm.

You don't know?

Sure thing.

Hello, Mom?

I need to do a reading.

What? When?

Right now.

I can't right now, Nuri. I'm in the middle of thought watching.

Thought watching? Hey, you do that too?

Who is that?

Mom. Norman.

Norman, Mom.

What's up, Mom?

Hi, Norman. It's so nice to finally meet you.

I've heard lots of things about you.

Really?

Like what?

I've heard lots of things about you.

So tell me, when is your birthday?

Uh, May 22nd. I was born on the cusp. Oh, shoot.

You were 22.

That's a master number.

A master number, huh? I'll give you guys.

Hmm.

Okay.

Well, that's good.

Well, that's real good.

How you doing?

I'm better now.

Me too.

You know none of this would have happened if you just trusted me.

Or if you didn't question my character.

You went on a ski trip.

I didn't have sex with him. It doesn't matter. You went.

I didn't know where you stood.

I didn't know anything about you.

But I still came back anyway.

So it took you going to the Redwoods just to figure out that you wanted to be

with me?

What do you mean you didn't know?

I just didn't know. Why didn't you? I said what I meant. I told you who I was.

You didn't believe me. You said you wasn't going and you did.

What do you want from me, Atheer? What do I want from you? Yes. You should have

told that guy hell no.

Right then and there and came after me.

Can you please lower your voice? I don't give a damn about these people, Nuri.

I care about you. I care about us.

I made room for you.

Room for me?

Yes. Well, I cleared the whole damn deck for you.

You got so much room, there's no space for anyone or anything else.

You know what?

For the second time in my short little career, I snuck out of work for you.

Which says a lot, because I risked a lot.

Prior to you, there was nothing more important to me than my career.

That don't mean nothing to me.

Wow, that doesn't mean nothing to you? I'm talking about a lifetime together.

You were talking about your job.

I don't care about your job, Nuri.

Perhaps if you had a job, you would understand.

Yeah, that's me.

The unemployed brother who can't get a job.

Are you that man you fear?

The one who gets up and walks away when things get tough?

Yeah.

That's exactly who I am.

What are you looking for?

I'm sorry.

I'm at the wrong place.

You rule.

I'm the only man that you have sex with.

I'm in this room.

Who's your husband?