Original subtitles

I'm telling you, this roof is leaking.

No, no, it's not condensation of the pipes, you fool.

It's a lot of water falling from the sky and coming in through holes you said

you fixed last month. Now, when can you get back here? Man, it's really coming

down out there.

Just saw two hookers from an upstream to spawn.

Hey, what are they doing?

Tuesday? I can't wait until Tuesday. You gotta come now, man.

Okay, okay. Well, maybe fool was too harsh a word.

use any more of my pots to catch the leak. It is very hard to make enchiladas

a walk.

I need to use the polish.

Well, yeah, I guess we all wish we could take back some of the unfortunate

things we say in anger, Bob.

Yeah, well, that doesn't mean we still can have a relationship, does it?

Oh, blow it out your drainpipe.

Grab the yellow paper. Hey, my coffee.

Hi, Dana.

Hi, Ray.

This soup's very good.

Thank you.

I love you, Dana.

from Milan and I need to know it now.

Probably wasn't a good time to tell her.

God, when is this rain gonna end?

My friend Sasha's supposed to be coming in on a flight tonight and I bet it's

delayed. I was really looking forward to getting together with her and blowing

off some steam.

Oh, and how do women blow off steam?

What do they do, rent two videos instead of one?

Gee, let's get crazy. Let's rent fried green tomatoes and spiel magnolias.

My wife was laughing.

Not me.

I'm watching you.

Don't even think about talking to me. I just spent four hours covering a

football game in this new wool jacket with nothing but a busted $3 umbrella I

bought on the street from a guy who said he could get me a Rolex or a baby by

Thursday.

Mary Margaret, I might be risking my life by saying this, but you mind taking

the jacket off? You smell like a wet sheep.

Well, we're at it.

Do not mention my hair.

I have to walk through doors sideways.

I'm frightening small children, and I think something's making a home behind

right ear.

So can it. Oh, I love this city in the rain. Ate one Chianti and one vodka

tonic, and Meg's got the frizzies. Meg's got the... All right, the breakdown of

civilization is now complete. Jack Stein is getting his own coffee.

of margaritas and tell him to get back in that cockpit.

My best friend Sasha's on that flight, and I want you to get her here, and I

want you to get her here now.

Dana! Sasha!

Thank you.

Oh, my God!

You made it!

How did you get here?

Well, I got grounded at the Washington airport, and who do I run into?

George Stephanopoulos. And I said to him, George, no matter what happened in

past, I still think you are a hundred times sexier than David Gergen.

Want to buy a restaurant?

Hi, Abe.

Is your back feeling better?

How'd you know I had a sore back?

Well, let's just say I have a fifth sense about these things.

I smell ointment. Don't tell me it's not Bengay. It's therapeutic mineral ice.

That's right.

Sauce is a perfumer. She creates fragrances. She's got the best nose in

business. By the way, Dana, you've got some shallots braising in white wine.

They're starting to overcook. Damn.

Now, wait a minute.

It's something really strong here.

It's something I haven't smelled in a long time.

It's Old Spice.

A very bold choice for a man in the 90s.

What can I say? It's my signature scent.

Hey, Sasha, give the nose a rest. Get in here and keep me company. Got a lot of

catching up to do.

Isn't it about time for you to start packing up your bags and taking off for

little adventure?

I'm conducting an experiment. I'm going to see if I can stay in one place longer

than it takes to go through a bottle of shampoo.

So something must be keeping the old travel lust in check.

What is it?

Some special guy?

Old Spice, maybe?

Who?

Jack Stein? Oh, come on.

Well, then how come you never told me about him? In your letters, you wrote

about everybody else.

Would you mind if I went out with him? What?

I know it's a little crazy, but there was a spark between us.

I found him very attractive.

Come on, Sasha.

He's not your type.

This guy lives on grilled cheese sandwiches and chocolate pudding.

and Rudolphels with their slicked -back hair and double espressos.

I'm ready for a cup of regular gin.

Well, there's something else that you ought to know about Jack Stein.

Nadine, he just got dumped by a woman, and, you know, I really don't think he's

over it yet. So, you know, at best, you're going to be a rebound situation.

but that's so perfect.

Since when am I interested in a serious relationship? Oh, come on, Dana.

Fix me up.

Fix you up? Oh, what are we, in high school?

I don't want to get involved in this. Oh, come on. Just find out if he's

interested.

Please. I do it for you.

I have done it for you.

Hello.

Hi. How's your trap?

Well, it's no grilled cheese sandwich, but it's pretty good.

Excuse me?

Sasha, she likes you. Do you like her?

Come on, come on, yes or no?

Move it or lose it, park it or drive?

Yeah, I guess so, but... Fine.

Wait a second, where are you going so fast?

Come on, I need some details.

So what'd she say about me? Did she say I was good -looking? Did she mention my

sense of humor? Or was it just a raw animal attraction?

Don't hold back, then, because I'll take any one of those.

Oh, for God's sake, do I have to go into this? Yes, come on.

She said you were attractive.

Attractive? Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

What else?

She said there was a spark.

I wasn't even trying to spark.

Come on, keep going.

She said because you're different from other guys she's been dating.

Touchdown. Can I go now?

Yes, you may go. And by the way, tell her that I am very interested.

Would you like to write her a note? I could pass it to her in biology.

I can't believe it's still raining. Six days now.

Ray, I hate you.

I'll take it personally. I'm telling everyone.

My nerves have really been on edge.

Today, my partner dropped a can on my foot.

I just went ballistic.

I turned on him. I said, Dave, I wish you'd be a little more careful.

I replayed it over and over in my mind. I never realized I could be such a cruel

bastard.

I just couldn't keep Pink Lear at bay any longer.

A mug of good growth, my buddy.

Is that enough of the rain yet, Nadine?

Oh, I still say that there is nothing more romantic than New York City in the

rain. So what if a bus just went by me today and splashed me with 20 gallons of

water? The driver didn't mean it.

Although I'm pretty sure I did see some of those passengers high -fiving.

Yes. Excuse me. How much longer is this going to be? We've been waiting here for

45 minutes. I know. I am so terribly sorry, but it's the weather.

Nobody wants to leave. Now, it's kind of cozy, though, isn't it? All of us

huddled together against the elements. I want a table.

Now, what about that table? That table's free. Why can't we have it? No, I'm

sorry. I'm very sorry. I am holding that table for someone. Would you just

excuse me for a second? Who are you holding it for? I want a name.

Now, there is a couple up there with very low blood sugar, and they are about

skewer me on their umbrella. How much longer do I have to hold that table for

Jackie's house? I don't really care about Jackie and Sasha right now, okay?

got 50 entrees to get out. I've got so much water in the kitchen, the lobsters

are planning a break.

Okay.

Just tell me, do I hold the table or not?

They're late.

They blew it.

Give it away. Oh, goody, okay.

All right, okay, very good news. I have just been told that I can give that

wonderful table to you, so if you'll just follow me, please.

I need...

We decided to share an umbrella and just take a walk in the rain. I am so

terribly sorry. If I could just ask you to wait a little while longer.

This is outrageous.

Let's get out of here. We are never coming to this dump again. And you, you

the worst hostess I've ever seen.

Come on.

Is there a problem?

A problem? No, no, no.

No, there's no problem here. No, no, that's not a problem.

I thought maybe your cab hit a reef and sank.

Jack took me for the most fantastic ride on the Staten Island Ferry.

We stood out there on the deck with the wind and the rain just whipping around.

And yesterday I took her on a tour of all my favorite New York lobbies.

Radio City Music Hall, the Waldorf. Oh, he's so perfectly American.

Tell her where you buy your shoes, Jack. Go on, tell her. Sears.

Sears!

We're America shops.

Gee, this is all so fascinating, I can hardly pull my... myself away, but if I

have a free moment later, I'd like to come back and see if he gets his shirt

a box or on a hanger.

So, what do you want to eat? Come on.

Whatever you want to fix us will be fine.

I'm going to go try and dry off.

I won't be long.

Don't be.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Come here. Sit down. Come on. Talk to me.

First of all, I want to apologize. I came here to visit you, and I've been

spending all my time with Jack.

Really, what's with you two?

I figured after you'd spent a couple of hours listening to him debate who was

the superior, Stooge, Curly, or Curly Joe, you'd be calling it quits.

I don't think you know him all that well.

He's fantastic, Dana. Absolutely authentic.

Well, let me ask you something.

How is it when you two, um... You know, is he, uh... Is he a pajama guy, or...

Box is short.

Are you asking if we slept together?

Since when are you so indirect?

All right, did you do it? Was that direct enough for you?

No, we haven't slept together yet, Dana.

Are you sure you're not interested in Jack? Because if you are, just say the

word and I will back off. Oh, don't be ridiculous.

No, God.

That's silly.

No.

I only have to go to the kitchen.

Hey, Jacko.

Oh, no.

Look, Kip, your ex -wife doesn't work here anymore.

I mean, you're like one of those little dogs that keeps going back to its old

house after the owners have moved.

I mean, don't you have someplace better to be?

Not really.

But I do understand your hostility. It's because we were both in love with the

same woman. But we'll get past that.

Look, you're on the road to recovery.

Look at you.

You're on a date.

I am just so proud of you.

I wish I had a camera.

She's quite the catch.

Oh, yes she is, isn't she?

Very attractive.

Oh, yes. Great laugh. Oh, yes.

What about... Oh, yes.

Hi.

Hi.

Your friend Sasha, she's very nice.

Yes, she really seems to like you.

Oh, you think so? That's great, because I really like her too.

Even that little clicking sound she makes when she chews?

I never noticed that.

Oh, gee, then I'm sorry I pointed it out, because once you do notice it, boy,

drives you nuts.

Enjoy your dinner.

I rated Dana's wine collection.

I hope she doesn't mind, because I want to make a toast to three wonderful days

together. I'll drink to that.

So, Jack, you haven't said anything about my dress.

Oh, yes, I did.

Remember at dinner when you removed your scarf and I bit off the end of my

spoon?

I think that said it all.

Well, then, this is long overdue.

Something's wrong.

What do you mean?

Well, you're still conscious.

slightly bigger reaction.

Is there somebody else, Jack?

No, of course not.

No, no way.

No nobody else.

No.

What about Dana?

Dana? What, are you kidding?

She and I have absolutely nothing in common.

The woman doesn't even have a TV.

I don't know. I just thought I saw something between you two.

Well, you see, You're very wrong.

Your sense of smell may be good, but your eyes, not good.

There is nothing between Dana and I.

Now, can we start over again?

Jack Stein, I would like it very much if you would kiss me.

Now we're back on track.

Train's pulling into the station.

Welcome to Babylon. Next stop, Nirvana. Watch the closing door.

fair. I mean, you live here. Look, I'll go, all right? Look, I gotta go. No,

really, there are plenty of other places I can go. Dana, it's after midnight.

I'll read in the hall.

Nobody has to go. Dana, please, this is your place.

There's an open bottle of wine. Come on, I'll pour you a glass.

I'll get it.

It's for me.

Really, I can go. I don't have any problem with it. No, come on. We already

settled that. Here, here. Now look, sit.

Come on.

Sit.

And stay.

Okay.

So she a good kisser?

Can we talk about something else, please? I'm not buying a TV. All right,

right.

So, listen, I guess I should thank you for getting me together with Sasha.

And I was beginning to wonder if I would never... You know, it's really helped

me get back in the batter's box again.

You get dumped the way I was, I mean, you know, it really kind of shakes you

Dana, can I see you for a second?

Sure.

Excuse me.

Listen, Tush, I'd be happy to get out of your way, all right? Really, just don't

do anything in front of my cat. I don't want him traumatized.

Dana, I have a really big favor to ask you. I met this guy at the restaurant

tonight, and I didn't think he would call, but he just did.

What?

Are you insane?

I have to do this, Dana? Come on, the guy is incredible.

There was this major spark between us, and he's an actor.

Oh, my God, are you talking...

to start packing.

I wonder what they're wearing now in hell.

And what did you think you would tell Jack?

That's the favor.

Oh, no.

First you want me to fix you up, now you want me to do the breakup. Oh, come on,

Dana. It's not like I haven't done it for you. I have done it for you.

You have left a string of broken hearts across six...

And I have the feeling you'll know exactly what to say to him.

Ciao, Dana.

Where's Sasha?

Oh, boy.

I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that until I'd had a chance to make up a

good bald -faced lie.

She's gone.

Are you kidding me?

I don't know what to say, Jack. That's Sasha.

Oh, man, it's happened to me again.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Whatever I have, they should bottle it and sell it as...

You got a steady job.

I never seen you litter.

Oh, thanks for noticing.

You're a big consumer of American goods. I think that counts for something. I'm

sorry I asked.

You got a great sense of humor.

And a very sexy brain.

And eyes that look like my favorite Italian olives.

I have a sexy brain?

Really?

What does that mean?

Well, it's hard to explain, but trust me, it's a good thing.

Really, Jackie? Yeah, snap out of this. I mean, really, if we have to start that

pool again, about how many days in a row you're going to wear the same pants, I

mean, even though I won once, it just wasn't worth it.

Yeah, I mean, I'm being a little too hard on myself. I mean...

Had a fun couple of days.

Yeah, we had some laughs.

And some really good sex.

Okay, no sex at all.

Well, look, I guess I better be going. It's getting pretty late. You have done

your share of community service.

Yes.

We're in pretty hard out there, you know.

Maybe you should stay for a little while, just until it lets up.

That's true.

No sense in going back out into a downpour like that so fast.

It stopped.

Well, I guess I better get going before it starts up again, huh?

Yeah, I guess that's a good idea.

So, I'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah.

Thanks for everything.

You're welcome.

Bye.

I forgot my umbrella.

Rumble thy bellyful, spit fire, spout rain, no rain, wind, thunder of fire, my

daughters. You know, Kip, it's okay, it's okay.

Why don't you save your voice?

Are you kidding?

After six years of vocal training, this is nothing for me. Another double

espresso and I'll be fine. Garth, no, Garth, no.

I tax not you, you elements with unkindness. I never gave you kingdom,

you children.

Now is the winter of our discontent.