Original subtitles

It's a beautiful day for a game. Litvac is at the plate. Tynan is on the mound.

She looks for the sign, whines, and pitches.

See you right... Litvac, take your hands out of your pockets.

And here comes Tynan's fastball. You won't even see it coming.

Oh, she spoke too soon, sports fan.

That one is A -B. See you later.

What a night for Litvac. Take a little jog, touch your moves.

That thing is driving me insane. I can hear it in my sleep.

Uh -oh. I think we're in trouble, Ray. The veins on her neck look like the

cables on the Brooklyn Bridge.

Look, I know you're all in love with that machine, but people don't like a

stupid pinball machine clanging away while they're trying to eat their creme

brulee. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to get rid of it.

What are you talking about? You can't do that.

No, no, wait a minute. You can't take that machine away. That machine is part

this place.

Oh, come on, Ike. Since when are you sentimental about anything?

I'm telling you, it's part of this place.

It's bolted to the floor.

Gee, Wally, have a heart.

I've been pumping quarters into line drive since I was old enough to come in

here.

All right, look, I'll make you a deal. If you can get, I don't know, 50 people

to sign a petition to keep the game, I'll consider it.

God bless you, Wally.

You know, I'm going to go straight in the men's room and I'm going to erase

they wrote about you.

Wally, telephone for you. It's a girl.

Hello?

Hi, Carol.

Oh, are you kidding?

I'd kill to see the new man at play.

Oh, gee, the weekend really isn't good for me.

Jack and I always do something. You know how it is.

Well, thanks for thinking of me, Carol.

Yeah, I hope we can get together real soon. Bye.

Uh -huh.

What are you uh -huh -ing about?

Here's my impression of Wally Porter after two and a half months of dating

Stein.

Hello, Carol.

I'm so sorry I won't be able to see you this weekend. I have a boyfriend, you

know. That's right. That's right. I've lost my identity. I just don't exist by

myself anymore.

Next Friday? Oh, no, that's the date. We're going to buy matching windbreakers

and walk around the shopping mall.

Bye. Thank you for the little show, Meg.

But you don't know what you're talking about. Jack and I are two very solid

individuals.

Hey!

If you don't like my opinion, you don't have to read my column.

And by the way, you grazed me!

If it happens again, I'm suing!

Jeez, that's the second time the mayor's tried to run me down.

You want to hear some good news?

Guess what we're doing Saturday afternoon.

Oh, I'll bet I know. You're going to the blacksmith to pick up those matching

shackles you've had your eye on?

What? Nothing. Continue.

Wally, we are going to go see the Trotters up at Yonkers.

Man, you're going to love it. There's nothing like sweating out post -time

you're eating a foot -long hot dog piled high with sauerkraut and onion.

Oh, how interesting. I went to a racetrack once. The man in a plaid suit

up in my handbag.

I think it was some sort of pickpocket scam gone awry.

Bon appetit.

Jack, may I please see you in the kitchen for a moment?

Uh -oh.

Did you hear the way Wally said that? May I please see you in the kitchen for

moment? You can almost hear the theme from Jaws playing in the background.

Men always know they're in trouble when women want to see them in the kitchen.

The sick thing is, we go in there.

Okay, Wally, I'm in the kitchen.

But I just think I should point out that people saw me come in here.

Jack, there's something I want to talk about.

I don't want to go to the track.

Oh, but the track is really fun. I know you'd like it if you just gave it a

chance. Eating a hot dog while watching half its ingredient list run around in a

circle is not my idea of a good time.

But that's not what I'm worried about.

Don't you see what's happening?

You're making plans for us.

We're losing our identity of individual.

Wally, what are you saying? You sick of me already?

It's this damn kitchen.

Can we continue this in a room where you have a little less leverage?

I'm sick of you. I adore you. But I'm coming off of a five -year marriage, and

lost a piece of myself there, and I don't want that to happen again.

Yeah, but, Wally, you're the first serious relationship I've ever had in my

life. I want to be with you all the time.

Oh, Jack, that is so sweet.

But I was thinking, if we take one night a week off from each other, just one

night a week, say, Monday, when the restaurant's slow, that would really

our relationship.

Yeah, but Monday's the day I was going to come over and hide your speaker wire.

You're very neat, Wally, but you have speaker wire right out in the open.

are talking.

Oh, come on, Jack. I'm surprised you're not jumping at this chance.

I mean, this is New York City.

You can't find something interesting to do for one night?

Oh, now, just a minute.

I have never been at a loss for things to do.

Believe me, I've always had a very active social life. So then it's not a

problem. It's definitely not a problem.

In fact, before you and I started dating, Liz Smith used to always say to

Jack, for God's sake, slow down.

Be free, as free as we all know.

Be free.

I see you made it out of the kitchen in one piece.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I have a few things to straighten out.

I thought we were starting to spend a little bit too much time together.

You know, I said, well, maybe we ought to, you know, take a little break from

each other. You know, just one day a week.

Oh, and how'd she take that, Jack?

I think she took it okay. She's a tough kid.

You know, I didn't want to make her feel bad, but I had to let her know that,

hey, every now and again, Jack Stein is the hop the fence and run with the big

dogs.

The wild crowd.

The nasty boys, if you know what I mean.

So, Ray, please tell me you're not doing anything on Monday night.

Gee, I'm sorry, Jack, but I'll be here Monday night collecting signatures to

keep Wally from putting our old friend Line Drive out the pasture.

I don't know what's gotten into her lately.

Next thing you know, she'll be trying to get rid of you.

So, Ike, you doing anything Monday night?

Oh, for crying out loud. You're a disgrace to men everywhere.

You get sucked in by a woman and now you have no life.

I have a life. I just seem to have misplaced it, that's all.

Jack, are you looking for something to do on Monday night? I'm free.

We could go down to Chinatown and share a poo -poo platter.

And then we could catch some hot jazz in the village.

Oh, just think about it. Let me know later.

Ike, please, you gotta help me out here.

There's got to be some trouble we can get into.

All right, all right.

You play poker, don't you? You know I play poker.

Oh, Ike, what are you saying?

One of our regulars is in Atlantic City tomorrow night. We need a fifth.

Holy cow. Did I just hear right?

Ike asked you to play in a secret poker game?

This is great, Ike. I've always wanted to get in that game.

All right, now listen.

I don't want you embarrassing me. These boys take their card playing seriously.

No checks, no markers.

But they will take a nice watch if they have to.

Although I don't think you're going to have to worry about that.

One Caesar salad, one baby greens with poppy seed dressing. Got it.

Now, Wally, I heard Jeff was free on Monday night, so I asked him if he'd

to accompany me to a few of the night spots. And I just want to say right now

there is absolutely nothing going on between us, and I wanted you to hear

from me.

That's all right, Nadine. I suggested that Jack and I take one night a week

you know, so we can have a little time to ourselves.

Oh, how modern.

What are you going to do?

Well, I was thinking of going to a gallery opening.

A gallery opening? How exciting.

What will you do there?

Oh, have a glass of wine, eat some cheese, look at paintings.

I had more fun manning the cholesterol booth at the Country Club Health Fair.

Let's get something straight right now. You and I are not close. I'm just here

for the good of the gender. What are you doing Monday night?

Gallery opening.

Just as I suspected, you've got nothing. Nothing.

Jack has very big plans for Monday. You cannot let him get the upper hand here.

Men are born with the upper hand. And let me remind you, once again, you've

nothing.

Nadine, would you please explain to Meg that good relationships are built on

caring and trust?

I think you should go to Chippendales and stuff a lot of cash down Zorro's

hands.

Mike's famous poker game.

You're going to tell Wally, aren't you?

You can't pass up an opportunity like this.

Whenever I have a woman in a situation like this, I milk it for everything it's

worth.

All right, if I ever have a woman in this kind of situation...

At this point, I'd just like a date, you know?

Ike, I need some red wine for the bordelaise sauce.

So, Wally, I hope we're still on for Monday because I've got some plans that

really can't cancel now.

Oh, we're still on, all right.

So what are you doing?

I'm in a hot poker game.

Ike's poker game, to be exact.

Really? You're playing in Ike's poker game?

Yeah. The one we all know about but Ike never talks about?

Do we, Ike?

What kind of game is this?

Are there going to be women there?

Ike?

Actually, I'm glad you're busy with your card game, because I'm going to a

gallery opening in Soho, in a loft.

It's going to be a very hip crowd there, very hip. You know, music people, movie

people. You know who else is going to be there?

Prince Charles.

If he can get away.

He's, uh, having some problems at home.

By the way, what are you wearing?

I think my red dress.

Red? She's wearing red. I heard her.

Well, I better get back into the kitchen.

Yeah, you know what? I better go catch up on some sleep.

I'm sure I'll be up till dawn tomorrow.

I gotta hand it to you, Wally. This time for ourselves is the best thing we

could have done. Oh.

You said it. So I guess I'll see you Tuesday.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday at the latest.

It's been so long since I've been out on my own.

This is just what I needed. A little breathe.

A little Mozart.

I think I came a little early, though.

I forgot that the really hip people show up late.

Now, Jack would never enjoy this kind of evening. He has two favorite works of

art. Van Gogh's Starry Night and a picture in his bedroom of Elvis at the

Supper.

On velvet.

I must say, setting aside Monday nights for myself was a stroke of genius.

What a great place for a poker game.

Man, this is true class.

Downtown's heavy hitters playing in the humble surroundings of a shoe repair

shop. It's brilliant.

All right, now listen, Jack.

When you meet the boys, I don't want you acting like some little schoolgirl.

And we don't use last names around here. It's safer that way.

You don't have to worry about me. I can handle it. This is Jack Stein to a T.

The old brick walls, the cement floor, the faint smell of leather mixed with...

What is that?

Is there a cat in here?

Don't start with me.

Oh, boy, here they come.

I'll smack you if I have to.

I'm Jackster.

I'm Jack.

I'm here to play poker with you tonight.

What did he say?

He said his name's Jackster. He's playing cards tonight.

Jack, this is Frank, Maury, Joe.

What'd you bring?

What? Chips, beer, some deli what?

Hey, what'd we bring?

I brought beer. I don't know what the hell you brought.

Do you work here?

In a manner of speaking, I own the gallery.

Are there any other paintings? I only see canvases of bananas.

That's right.

Just bananas.

That's the artist's theme for this show.

Bananas.

Would you care to meet the artist, Claude René? No, that's okay. I really

to be going.

Claude, there's someone here who wants to meet you.

has come to see the banana.

Ah, another patron of the arts.

I can barely conceal my glee.

Your paintings are very interesting.

And in what way would that be?

Well, I noticed that one banana is green while the other one is brown.

So, there's a green one and a brown one.

Listen, lady, it's not that tough.

There's two bananas.

There's a young one and an old one. I see that.

But I'm not quite sure what they signify. They're bananas.

And they're $600. They signify my rent.

I gotta tell you, fellas, I have been waiting for this all day.

Actually, I have been waiting for this for years.

What'd he say?

I'll say this once.

The maximum bet is a quarter.

The maximum raise is 15 cents.

And the pot can't get any bigger than $3 .50.

Jackster, you bring enough cash?

Anybody got change of a five?

What kind of people you bringing here, Ike? Has he ever played poker before?

He's played. He's played.

Don't blame it on the kid.

The kid?

You're the kid?

Okay, here we go.

Seven cards stood down and dirty.

Wait a minute. Huh?

There are only four quarters there.

Somebody did natty.

What are you looking at? I just put mine in.

I swear.

Well, look, Joe is asleep.

I don't think he put in.

What? What is it?

You shouldn't have had that pastrami sandwich.

I'm getting hate mail for my colon.

Smarty boy, run across the street to the drugstore and get him some bicarbonate

of soda.

Yeah, yeah, okay, I'll go, no problem. So, uh, anyone need anything else?

Joe, a little coffee?

Some no -dos?

A rooster?

48, 49, 50. Okay.

You definitely have 50 signatures.

Yep. But I noticed something unusual.

They go pencil, ballpoint, felt tip, pencil, ballpoint, felt tip, all the way

down. And the handwriting is strikingly simple. All right, all right. I cheated.

I had to.

I couldn't get anybody to sign a petition after that whole parole fiasco.

I love that game, Wally.

You can't take it away.

Ray, I know things look kind of hopeless now, but you'll meet a nice girl real

soon.

Out with it, Billet. She doesn't want to talk about it.

If you have to know, last night was horrible.

Don't ask me to explain. I can't relive it. Okay, okay, let's not panic. We've

lost no ground here. Jack doesn't have to find out he had a better night than

you. A little cover -up, a little spin control, we're back on track.

I could use a cup of coffee. Hi, Ray.

So, Jack, how was the poker game?

It must have been pretty neat.

Rubbing elbows with the high rollers.

Yeah. I guess you're out pretty late last night.

Not really.

Everybody had to stop eating and drinking by 9 .30.

I think they were all scheduled for surgery this morning.

Oh, hi, Jack.

How did it go last night?

Oh, you know, poker games.

When you mix that kind of money with those kind of men.

Let's just say that everybody except me and Ike wound up in the hospital this

morning.

He's winning. I know.

How about your museum thing?

Gallery opening. It was great.

I met the artist, Claude René.

Claude René?

What was he like?

Sensitive, emotional.

A huge presence.

And don't forget to tell him about how you met Mick Jagger.

He thought Wally was only 25 years old. Are his lips really that big, or do they

do it with makeup? Well, I'm not sure about that, Nadine.

But I do know that Wally Porter can really find the action, and you take me

you next time you have a night like that. I mean it.

I guess my work here is done.

I better get to the office. You coming, Jack?

In a minute.

I'll walk out with you, Mary Margaret.

Oh, and Wally, I'd appreciate it if you didn't have line drive hauled away until

after I'm done with my shift tonight.

I'd like to play her one more time.

Sure, Ray.

So, sounds like you had a great time last night. Oh, yeah.

Fantastic.

How about you?

Out with a jet set crowd to all hours.

Some night, huh?

Oh, you said it.

Some night.

You know, Wally, this time to ourselves idea was brilliant.

Exactly what we needed.

As a matter of fact, I'm already planning what I'm going to be doing next

night.

I lied, Jack.

What? I lied.

I had a horrible time.

Wow, that's fantastic.

Why? I had a horrible time, too.

Isn't it great? We both had a horrible time.

Just saying that. I swear it was the worst. The whole time I was out, all I

thinking was how much I really missed you.

That's exactly what happened to me.

Okay. But this is perfect.

We both agree that this whole night off deal stinks.

All I want is for us to get back to normal.

Gee, Jack, why would you want to do that?

Excuse me?

Just because we had one rotten night out doesn't mean the concept is wrong.

I think we should try it again.

Oh, man, don't make me go back to that poker game.

I was stuck in a room for hours with the guys the aliens wouldn't take and

cocoon.

The problem was we forced the issue.

I forced the issue, okay?

I put us on a schedule, and that was dumb.

So from now on, let's just say that if either one of us wants to get away for a

night, any night, we should feel free to do so.

No questions asked.

I just want to ask one question.

Yes, Jack?

You know when you were out last night?

Did you see anybody you liked better than me?

No.

That's all I wanted to know.

So if you don't mind, I'm just going to pretend that I'm interested in all of

that personal growth crap.

Because all I really care about is that you like me best.

Morning for that.

You know, you don't like lying or not because you're a girl and girls have no

hand -eye coordination.

Oh, is that? No. How do you move this stick?

It's a bat. You press this button. Come on. I'll pitch you one. This is so

stupid.

Hey, I hit one.

Beginner's luck. Try again.

Whoa, a home run.

Okay, okay, that's enough. One more.

Look, I was playing this game. This is my game.

Oh, it's my game. I own it. Shut up and pitch, big boy.