Original subtitles

Thank you.

What are you looking at?

You're in New York, never seen a guy with a bloody nose before?

Let me tell you, it's a very common thing here in Fun City.

Especially for me, I'm Jack Stein.

I write an opinion column for the Daily Register.

It's called the Steinway.

Very widely read.

Very big.

We're talking eight and a half inches.

Not that I'm bragging.

Let's take today's column, for instance.

I said, hey, why are we bashing the Japanese?

It's not their fault nobody's buying American.

I mean, think about it.

We can build a Patriot missile, but we can't build a toaster oven that lasts

more than a year.

You know what I'm talking about. It's that light -medium -dark dial that's the

first thing to go.

Then the little door stops popping open by itself.

Now, this does not happen with Japanese toaster ovens.

which is doubly humiliating because the Japanese don't even eat toast.

The problem is, America fell asleep at the wheel.

Now, not everybody agrees with me about this, especially the 250 -pound cabbie I

encountered a little while ago, who, as fate would have it, is married to a

crumb tray inspector.

See, that's what I love about being me.

I might take a few shots to the head now and then, but life is never dull.

Unfortunately, I clot very quickly.

I'm completely shocked.

Hey, look what I just found in the gutter outside.

Oh, geez, it's my column.

Right in the gutter.

This really hurts me.

I mean, why can't people throw their trash in the recycling bin? It's where

belongs.

Let me tell you something, Jack.

I know trash.

It's my business.

I'm here to tell you that when the apocalypse comes, It won't be by fire.

won't be by ice.

The human race is going to suffocate under a mountain of lean cuisine boxes.

And those little cardboard toilet paper rolls.

I mean, think about it.

One roll per person per week.

Times 250 million people.

Times 52 weeks in a year. You know what that adds up to? I'll tell you.

A lot of freaking toilet paper.

Right, right, right. Look, what if I know you 10 years now? You worry about

everything. You got to learn to lighten up, you know.

Look on the bright side. Smell the roses.

You ever seen a maggot up close, Jack?

They're not pretty. They're getting meaner.

Let me give you a piece of advice, Ray.

You're at a party. You want to impress a woman. Don't open with that.

All right. Let me see it.

Easy, Mary Margaret. Hey, Meg.

The nose. I want to see it.

Stan in editorial said it might possibly be worse than the shiny you got after

your column on why feminism is dead.

Although that... also included a pretty nasty blow to the groin with a

birkenstock sandal uh let me whoa that is a hall of famer my friend

and uh i think i know you well enough to suggest that it just might be time to

freshen up that clean actually got stuffed up there hey how about a brisky

i'm covering the mets game tonight come with me i'll get you into the locker

room later oh sure here's what i want to do hang around and make casual

conversation with a bunch of naked men I got enough of that at the Orange Julius

stand by my house.

What do you have to do to get a drink around here?

Before I serve you, let's get one thing straight.

I don't break anything bigger than a 20. I don't make blended drinks.

If you got a sob story and you're looking for somebody to tell it to, you

to the wrong place.

I am not your average comforting bartender with a soft shoulder. That is

stereotype.

I don't like people. I never will.

I hope I have made myself clear.

Double vodka, 100 proof, straight up, two onions.

Uptown? Eastside?

College educated?

Probably reuses her grocery bags.

Charter subscriber to Working Woman magazine.

Saw the big chill three times.

Plays Trivial Pursuit on the weekend with friends.

What's she doing here on a Monday? It's Murphy Brown night.

Well, maybe I'll go find out.

Look, you should know, I don't make it a habit of hitting on women in bars.

This is just a game.

The way a guy finds out if he's still got the old juice, that's all.

Now, the opening line is critical.

I happen to be a master at opening lines.

Observe.

Hi there.

I was noticing... Let me tell you something, pal.

I have been through this too many times to think it's cute.

Take a look. The new car smell is gone.

Not that you could smell anything with that wad of toilet paper stuffed up in

you.

Lovely effect.

Does that usually work for you?

Well, I can't tell without looking, but I think my genitals just receded.

Would you excuse me?

Another double, please.

All right, I know what you're thinking.

I was a little hard on the guy.

But this hasn't been a good day for me.

I just came from across the street.

The family court of the city of New York. I am now officially divorced for

of 20 minutes.

Five and a half years of my life down the drain.

Oh, and you want to hear the best part?

I have to pay him alimony.

Thank you.

I'm Wallace Porter.

I used to own a restaurant on the Upper East Side, Shea Wally.

Very elegant, very chic.

Woody Allen had his own table.

Well, I don't own that restaurant anymore.

My husband, my ex -husband and I could not agree on a way to split it up, so

court ordered me to sell it.

It was a female judge, too.

I'm telling you, the woman's movement is not working out the way I planned it.

Excuse me, but at the risk of being circumcised a second time, I'm going to

you a question.

Did you just come from the courthouse across the street?

Yes. As a journalist, I have this innate ability to read people.

I've heard the day you signed those divorce papers can be pretty traumatic.

Old feelings come back, old memories, maybe a little regret. That son of a

got half my restaurant.

Okay, so no regret.

Sir, I was the one who built that place out of nothing. It was my pork loin

lingonberry that Henry Kissinger used to weep over.

Chez Wally on East 72nd. I'm sure you've heard of it.

Oh, yeah, I got kicked out of there for asking H. Ross Perot if he knew where

France was.

I'm Jack Stein.

For your information, feminism is not dead.

And I've owned an American toaster oven for ten years now.

Catches fire now and then.

But it still makes a good brie on baguettes.

So, what are you going to do now?

If this is your way of starting a conversation, I'm not interested.

I'm going to come back. That's what I'm going to do.

So I'm almost broke.

I have the magic touch.

I can turn any dump into someplace great.

Even a dump like this. Wait a minute.

What do you mean by that? What do you mean even a dump like this?

Yeah. What does she mean by that?

What I mean is if this place were for sale. Which it is not.

If it were for sale.

And if I bought it, I guarantee you within a matter of months, people would

standing in line to get in.

Oh, just what New York needs, another fern bar.

A place where Wall Street types come to drink Chardonnay and unload junk bonds

on the unsuspecting. We don't want that here.

Yeah, we don't want that.

I'm not interested.

Besides, I wouldn't give you more than $50 ,000 for it. Oh!

$50 ,000? Oh, come on. This is prime New York City real estate.

The property alone's worth more than that. Hey, what the hell are you doing?

nothing. I'm just curious. I want to find out how much it's worth.

I wouldn't take a penny less than $85 ,000.

Would that include everything?

Or would I have to pay extra for the picture of this old fat baseball player?

That's Babe Root. Oh, my God. She doesn't even know who the babe is. She's

our kind, Ike. Make her leave.

$60 ,000 and no more. You can't buy this place.

I'm not buying it.

$75 ,000. You can't sell this place. I'm not selling it.

$65 ,000 if I were buying it, which I am not.

$72 ,500 if I were selling, which I am not.

$70 ,000. Sold.

You can't sell it, Boucher. This is our place. This is our place. Shut up.

Now, you just make that out to Ike Johnson, and I'm going to need to see

forms of ID.

You don't want this, lady. Look around.

You think anybody here harbors a desire to test drive a Range Rover?

Okay, here you go. It's a driver's license and a Bergdorf Goodman chart.

on. I can't... Quiet!

You don't want this.

There's your receipt.

Your credit cards and your keys.

I'm sorry, I'd love to stay and chat, but the thing is,

I'm rich.

Well, everyone, as one era ends, a new one begins, like the phoenix who rises

from the ashes.

Wally Porter crawls out from under that big pile of horse dung shoveled on her

by the city of too many horses.

Well, let me tell you, I will show you what a woman can do when she wants to do

it, especially you, Mr.

Skeptical No -Toaster Oven.

I own this now.

All this is mine.

I thought it was a bad dream.

Do you know what you look like?

That old couch that sits out in front of the gas station.

Kind of green, all beat up, half the stuffing coming out of it.

Yeah, if you had a little cat pee on you, you'd look exactly like that.

What are you doing here? I thought you'd be in a deck chair on the love boat

counting my money.

Well, I was just packing away a couple of my things. You know, you can't spend

half your life in a place without taking a...

A few great memories with you.

An ashtray?

An ugly shoe?

A picture?

Oh, the fat old baseball player.

That is Babe Ruth.

Babe Ruth.

Yeah.

He came in here once when I was just a busboy.

Threw up in that very bathroom.

some things you just can't leave behind.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I'm reading a little something in your voice, Ike.

You don't really want to retire, do you?

Look, I am not a hard woman.

I am not going to force you to cast off your entire life just because you got

carried away for a few crazy minutes last night.

So, I'm willing to forget last night.

Ever happened.

What do you think?

What do I look like, a moron?

I mean, I may be melancholy, but I'm not stupid.

Come on!

I made a mistake.

Yeah, you got that right.

I don't believe this is happening.

I'm in hell.

I am a creative person. I have a medal from the Cordon Bleu School in Paris.

Now I'm the proud owner. of the place where all flies come to die.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

I mean, this place isn't as bad as it looks.

It's just got a few quirks.

For instance, don't start the dishwasher when somebody's using a hand dryer in

the bathroom.

Trust me.

Oh, and then there's the ceiling fan problem.

Yeah, you don't want to let anybody sit under it when the Hofstadters upstairs

are, uh... How can I put this?

Doing the wild thing.

Oh, God, I'll never cook in this town again.

Well, there is a way around, as you know.

I could be persuaded to stay on.

I could take care of things for you for a small percentage of the profits to be

negotiated in, uh...

Good faith.

Sounds good to me.

And maybe after this, I'll just take what cash I have left, glue it to my

clothes, and walk through the subway at midnight.

Okay.

It was just an offer.

I guess you're on your own.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute! Where are you going so fast?

All right.

bill is two months overdue.

Hey, I'm entitled to my own opinion.

Haven't you ever heard of freedom of the press?

Oh, jeez.

A falafel.

Now, that's a first. The chickpea is a weapon.

Wow.

You look like that couch in front of the gas station.

Thank you.

And you are?

Jack, I was here last night.

You don't remember me because I was taller then.

I was also pretty obnoxious, so I thought I'd come by with a little peace

offering. Oh, that is so sweet.

I can't tell you how long it's been since anyone's given me flowers.

I'll get a vase.

On the shelf next to the Demitasse set.

I can't believe it.

The flower thing worked.

It was a tough choice because these days doing something like that could result

in a floral harassment suit.

But I took the risk because this is going to sound ridiculous.

I had this feeling about her.

It's like the first time I rode the Cyclone at Coney Island.

I was strangely excited and a little nauseous at the same time.

Anyway, I think I owe it to myself to find out what's going on here.

I can't believe I fell for the flowers routine.

Women have come so far.

But we can't seem to shake this chronic flower problem.

Remember when I asked him who he was, I was lying through my teeth.

He's one of the few things I remembered from last night, with any clarity.

I've always found his type very attractive.

But... I am in a dangerously vulnerable place right now, so I have to keep my

wits about me and my defenses up.

My God, look at the size of his feet.

So... That's a nice touch.

A few more flowers and about a quarter of a million dollars in renovations, and

I'm back on top.

Listen, Wally, that's your name, right?

Right. I have a proposition for you.

Jack, that's your name, right? Right. You were doing really great with the

flowers, but if you push your luck... Well, I'm in the luck -pushing business,

so bear with me.

I want... Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?

Dinner? Okay, okay, you know, that was too much, too formal, too crazy.

You want to eat with me tonight? I mean, I have to eat, you have to eat. Look,

there are a lot of reasons why I don't want to have dinner with you tonight.

The ink is hardly dry on my divorce papers. And also, I hate eating in other

people's restaurants.

Okay, I have an idea. Forget the restaurants. Come to my place. I happen

great cook.

I don't know, Jack.

I have a lot of things to do tonight.

I have to change my closet.

You know, take out all the summer things, put back all the winter things.

That's a big job.

Let me ask you something. What have you possibly got to lose? I mean...

When was the last time you had a home -cooked meal?

What time?

What?

What time would you like me to be there?

Well, uh, 7 .30?

Here's your address.

What's your last name again?

Porter. Stein.

Jack Stein.

I'll see you at 7 .30.

I'm 42 years old.

No marriages.

One live -in relationship that lasted slightly longer than Hanukkah.

It's an almost perfect record.

I must be insane.

I'm 35 years old, divorced for less than a day, and I'm going to a strange man's

apartment.

I must be insane.

So you thought I couldn't do this, right?

Well, you were looking at a man who can actually cook.

I whip up a hell of a baked ziti, which I'm doing right now, and I make the best

matzo brie west of Ocean Avenue, Brooklyn.

Now, for the Gentiles among you, that's a breakfast dish.

If this was the first date, I wouldn't be so presumptuous.

By the way, she's six and a half minutes late.

Now, normally, I don't care if a woman's late for a date.

Buys me a little extra time to find out if the men's room window is big enough

for me to crawl out of.

But this bothers me a little.

So, what do you think of the table?

Candles are always a nice touch, huh?

But I'm not so sure about this single red rose.

I feel like I'm in a feminine hygiene commercial.

Ah, what the hell.

I've been standing out here for six and a half minutes.

As I was getting dressed, I told myself I had nothing to lose.

It was in the cab ride over that I realized I am certifiable.

What if it turns out to be one of the things you end up reading about in the

paper the next day?

What if I wind up on the court channel with a big blue dot over my face?

Sorry, I was just about to ring the bell. Well, I didn't expect you to be

standing out here.

Oh, come on in.

Oh,

this is for you.

Thanks. Well, this is interesting, isn't it? The man cooking dinner, the woman

bringing the wine.

You were the one who invited me over here. I mean, if this is just some deep

-seated male need to capture your prey in a rent -controlled apartment... No,

no, no.

It's just I'm learning to adjust to the 90s.

Although I still don't feel comfortable crying in a movie theater.

Unless, of course, I've been stabbed.

Would you like to sit down?

Hope you don't mind eating at the coffee table. I don't have a dining room set.

Not that I can't afford one. It's just that large pieces of furniture make me

nervous.

I'd like to know I can be packed and out of a place in an hour if I have to.

Oh, good.

I'm glad I went with the wine instead of the china cabinet I was considering.

Okay, I'll go open this.

I'll be right back.

Oh, great.

Just great.

Dear diary, today I realized I am too stupid to live.

Did you hear what he said about the furniture?

Oh, yeah.

There's a guy who's not afraid of commitment.

Big chairs scare him.

I'll tell you something else. When he comes back out here, he's going to hit

me.

I should have brought a gun.

I got to tell you something.

I do not have a good feeling about this.

I've got either Thelma or Louise out there.

I'm not sure which.

Let me tell you something else that worries me. Look at this wine.

It's got a cork.

I'm in way over my head.

This is not a woman who'd want to spend Saturday night sitting around listening

to my Louis Armstrong collection.

And what are the odds a woman like her is going to find my Flintstones jelly

glasses charming?

This was a very dumb idea.

Listen, Wally, I was thinking, you know, you just got divorced.

You're not thinking clearly.

So if you want to go, it's okay.

Wait a minute. What are you saying? You want me to leave now? If you don't mind.

You invite me here to dinner and then you... Are the... Flintstones jelly

glasses. I haven't seen these in ages.

You like my glasses?

I love them.

Let me ask you something. How do you feel about Louis Armstrong?

Oh. Well, the early Bloober recordings were great. And I loved Drutton for some

barbecue. But he did not have the chops of Miles Davis.

Look, there's French and Betty. Wine?

In the Betty.

Okay.

Well, this was one of the most interesting meals I've ever had.

Baked ziti, guacamole, Belgian waffle.

I didn't know what you'd like, so I went with my top three dishes.

And I'll tell you, I felt a little pressure because your restaurant was one

the better places I've been thrown out of.

I take it that happens to you a lot.

Kind of hard on the women in your life, no?

Well, there happen not to be any women in my life right now.

There was one fairly serious relationship a while back.

We actually lived together.

And one day she suggested built -in bookshelves.

I just couldn't take the step.

Well, maybe it's for the best.

When I got married, I always thought it would be forever.

What kind of guy was your husband?

He's an actor.

Excuse me?

He's an actor. Is that what you said? You married an actor?

What, you couldn't find a lawyer?

I thought I was in love. I saw him in an off -Broadway production of West Side

Story. He was jet number two.

I couldn't take my eyes off him. The way he snapped his fingers.

And he used to come around to the restaurant where I was working.

He wasn't making much money.

So I would feed him leftovers from the kitchen.

We started dating and talking about how one day we were going to own this town.

Well, I got to where I was going faster than he did, and it was just too much

pressure on the marriage.

I don't think people should make for life.

What do you think?

I'm sorry, did you say anything after I married an actor?

I'm actually afraid of you now. I mean, you're capable of anything.

I know.

Would you like to have sex?

What?

I haven't had sex in almost a year, and I was just wondering if it's something

you'd be interested in doing.

Unless it upsets you that I suggested it. We can just forget it if you want

No, no, I think... What do I think?

I think sex would be very nice.

I was going to suggest dessert in a late movie, but we don't have to do that.

We can have sex.

Okay.

Should we have dessert first?

Sure, let's have dessert first.

Excuse me, I'll, uh...

Go now and get the dessert.

Okay, here's the deal.

Men think about sex all the time.

Kenzie actually clocked it at once every 3 .2 minutes. I think his watch was

slow.

And there's a universal fantasy men have.

It involves a woman who's not interested in commitment asking a man to have sex

with her.

You want to add a little top spin? The woman hasn't had sex in a long time.

Now, as far as I know, this fantasy has never come true for any man, living or

dead. Except that today, God came down from heaven and chose me.

Why? Why me?

This is too much pressure.

What if I can't perform?

This is not good.

You've got a heart attack planned for me, don't you?

I had one glass of wine. I swear to you, I can't believe the words that are

coming out of my mouth.

Maybe this is part of the healing process that all recently divorced women

through.

Or maybe I'm just out of my mind. He's a man. I know how they think.

Wake up, have sex.

Brush teeth, have sex.

Rebuild transmission, have sex.

What's he going to be expecting of me now?

Cake?

Thank you.

I'm really looking forward to this.

I'm sure we'll both enjoy it.

I think there's something I want to say. I'm sorry.

No, no, go ahead. No, you please go first.

Well, you know, it is the 90s now.

Yeah, things have definitely changed.

Yeah, you don't just do it anymore like you used to.

You sure don't.

You have to be careful.

Ask some questions. Right.

So, have you had a lot of partners?

Well, it depends on how you define a lot.

Average, I would say.

More than the Pope.

Less than Jimmy Swagger.

What about you?

Well, I've been married for five years.

But, as you know, doesn't necessarily mean no other sex partners.

Although it did for me.

I can't say the same for Kip.

Kip?

You married an actor named Kip.

Didn't you see any of this coming?

Can we just get back to the main topic here? Obviously, we need protection.

So, do you have any, you know, condoms?

Condoms? Yeah, right, those.

I do.

Good, because if you didn't, I have some in my purse.

You carry condoms with you.

One. I have one.

I bought it the day I found out Kip was having an affair.

With an actress from that commercial where women play basketball in their

heels.

Okay, so we have no condom shortage here.

So, your condom or mine?

kind do you have?

Well, actually, I have a selection.

I have some different colors.

And I have one that's, you know, imported.

Mine's just plain.

Sort of utilitarian.

But plain is good. You know, like a ham sandwich is plain and sometimes it's

exactly what you want. Ham sandwich can hit the spot.

Well, I'll tell you, nothing like a little luncheon meat talk to get me hot.

Look, Jack, I know I was the one who suggested this, but in looking back,

maybe we shouldn't do this right now.

How about if we just take a night?

Well, I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I think you're right.

Okay, then.

This was a really nice evening, Jack.

Thank you for everything you went through.

No problem.

Gee, nice you could stop by.

Nice to see you. We have to do this again sometime.

I'll call you.

I had a feeling about this.

What a mistake.

I knew this was going to be trouble.

I'm crazy about her.

We've gotten our appearance.

Why, what's wrong with it?

Uh -oh.

Tablecloths.

This is the beginning, isn't it?

You think that's bad? Check this out.

A new menu.

There's nothing on here I can eat.

Everything on it is steamed, sautéed, or poached.

She cooks the food in water instead of grease. How am I supposed to live, Ray?

Without my protective layer of grease and fat, I'll never make it through the

winter.

I know you're going to kill yourself with all your bad habits, Mary Margaret.

Oh, I kill myself.

Where's that leave you, Ray? You'll be 102 years old, but all your friends will

be dead. Think about it.

I have thought about it.

I don't take much comfort in it.

It's that loss of bladder control.

Frank, can you give me a glass of water, please?

And a couple of aspirin. So, think you'll be able to pull this off, huh?

Oh, sure.

I have about as good a chance as the Packards winning the pennant.

The Packers are a football team.

I said it would be hard.

I think it's best if we don't talk.

You come in here with this walling name.

Buy our place.

And you did something to my best friend, Jack.

What do you mean?

He sat over heels for you.

I don't get it.

A few years ago, Newsweek said a woman in her 30s had about as much chance of

finding a man as getting struck by lightning. You get a divorce, and a day

later, you got a new guy.

You know what that means?

Some poor woman out there has been struck by lightning.

You should have a taste.

You feel good about that?

Excuse me, is there a Wally Porter here?

Oh, God.

Kip. Kip? What's a kip?

Fella.

So this is where I find you.

Dancing with strangers in a room full of bums?

What happened?

What happened to me and you and what we had together?

You were like, like smoke.

I reached out for you and you were gone.

I got it. I got the part. After all of these years, it finally happened. I got

Stanley in Streetcar.

Kip, we're not married anymore.

I don't care. You married an actor named Kip?

You were Wally and Kip? What were you, raised by wool?

I was in the neighborhood. The little theater in the church under the bridge

doing street art. I auditioned and I got it.

Wally, I know you didn't expect to see me today.

It's just that I got some good news. I looked around and there was nobody to

share it with.

I guess I just wanted you to know.

Well, congratulations, Kip.

Wally, do you think it's possible for us to still be friends?

I mean, we don't have to be the kinds of friends who go out and do things

together. It's just that if I run into you once in a while, I'd like to know

that I could maybe take you for a cup of coffee, have a few laughs. That's all.

Could I buy you a cup of coffee now?

Barkeep, two cups of coffee here, please.

Oh, are you an actor?

Yes, yes, I am.

Get out.

Mike, we have to have a talk about customer relations.

Get... This is not a good time for me.

In case you hadn't heard, I just got divorced.

I know. As soon as I put my name on those papers, the whole five years

flashing back.

That happened to me, too.

Honey, I thought about our honeymoon.

When we drove that car up to that old motel in Connecticut.

What was it called?

The Jolly Minute Man.

That's right.

And we got locked out of our room looking for the ice machine.

And we were naked?

I thought about that time when we went out to buy a Christmas tree and it was

two degrees out. We couldn't get a cab and we had to drag it home.

By the time we got it up to the apartment, it had no needles.

Why would you go for ice when you're naked?

Do you mind?

You know when you're driving on a highway and you're...

Coming up on a squashed raccoon and you know you shouldn't look but you can't

help yourself so you look anyway and then you're real sorry?

I'm really sorry.

Kip,

I didn't expect to be thinking about any of the good times.

But I did.

Maybe to keep me from feeling like such a failure.

Honey, you are as perfect as they come.

As me.

I'm the one who blew it.

You were the best thing that ever happened to me.

I'm going to go now.

Always know when to leave an audition, right?

Wally, I want to wish you all the luck in the world with your new place.

Thank you, Kip.

Thank you very much.

Oh, and one more thing.

I know my alimony check isn't due for another few weeks, but I'm a little

in the rent. Do you think maybe I could have an advance?

What? All those who saw this coming, please raise your hands.

Well, sure, Kit. I would be happy to give you an advance.

Just let me take a few moments out of the time I've been spending picking up

pieces of my shattered life to continue to subsidize your career.

Thanks.

You have great hair.

I'm not giving you any money.

Here you go, Kip.

And thank you. Thank you for reminding me that there is no such thing as a

ending. Now, if you don't mind, I'm busy.

I think Willie Loman said it best when he said...

There were promises made across this desk.

You're not going to tell me that you've got people to see. I put 34 years into

this firm, Howard, and now I can't pay my insurance.

You can't eat the orange and throw the peel away.

A man is not a piece of fruit.

I'm not so sure.

I've had my entertainment.

I'm going to take off.

Hey, Jack.

Remember back during Super Bowl XV?

Fourth quarter, the Eagles defense finally calls a blitz. Blunkett throws a

screen pass to Kenny King.

You know what that was an example of?

Yeah, lousy timing.

You'll understand later why I brought that up.

So, you didn't call.

After years of lying through my teeth and saying, I'll call you, the karmic

has paid off.

I'm sorry, Jack. I just didn't have anything to say to you.

Look, what are we going to do here?

I mean, we both know there's something incredible going on between us. We can't

just walk away from this because of one horrible disaster called last Tuesday

night. And it was horrible. It was like... It was like maggots.

Oh, thank you.

No problem.

You kids have a pleasant afternoon, huh?

I can't do this, Jack. I am not cut out for a relationship.

You know what our mistake was?

We jumped ahead. We skipped an entire important step.

Which was?

We never danced.

People should dance before they get involved.

If two people can dance well together, chances are good they're going to make

it. What do you say we give my theory a test?

May I?

I'm not ready.

You're pretty good at this.

Not bad yourself. Ow!

Sorry.

See?

We're getting this now.

I don't know about you, but I'd say this is the start of a great relationship.

No such thing.

We'll see.

I give it a week.

50 years.

You're crazy.

She's got to love me for it.