Original subtitles

♪ green acres is The place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

♪ new york is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ goodbye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Hi, mr. Douglas. Mr. Kimball.

♪

Beautiful day, isn't it? Yeah.

Well, not beautiful, It's more like, uh...

Yes, I guess you could say that.

♪

Well, you seem Pretty chipper today.

Yes. A lot of excitement In the department.

We got a new chief.

Mr. Treffinger.

Well, he's not New. He's over 55.

But he's new to us.

♪

Well, I'm glad you like him.

I sure do.

Yeah. Mr. Treffinger's Nothin' like the old chief.

Very friendly.

You know what he Did this morning?

Called me in his Office, we had coffee,

We discussed my Work in the district,

We must have talked for 2 Hours before he fired me.

That's very nice...

Fired?

Who was?

You just said you were.

I did?

Oh. Yes, I guess I was.

♪

You're kidding.

About what?

About being fired.

Oh, no, mr. Douglas.

I wouldn't kid about losing The only job I ever had.

♪

Kimball, why were you fired?

Gee, I don't know.

I guess mr. Treffinger Forgot to tell me.

Didn't you ask him?

Oh, no. I didn't Wanna bother him.

He was very busy.

First day on the Job and all that.

Mr. Kimball, you're entitled To know why you were fired.

I am?

Oh. Well, if I ever run into Mr. Treffinger again, I'll have to ask him.

Well, I've got to go Clean out my office.

It's the least I can do for Him after I drank his coffee.

What are you going to do?

I just told you.

I'm gonna go clean Out my office.

No, no. I mean about Making a living.

Oh. Well, I don't have To work for a while.

I've saved up enough money to...

No, I spent that this morning.

For crullers to go With the chief's coffee.

Mr. Kimball, if you Need any help...

Oh, no, thank you.

It gives me a warm feeling

To know that I have such a Wonderful friend like you mr. Um, um...

Douglas.

Oh, yes. He's been a Very good friend, too.

Not as good as You, mr. Um, um...

Well, I'll be seeing you around The unemployment office.

♪

♪

Darling, what's the name of That song you are whistling?

That's, uh, music To get canned by.

Oh, where do you get canned by?

No, no. It's just an expression.

It means to get fired.

Oh, you got fired again?

No. No. I didn't get Fired. Kimball did.

What a shame.

Ho, he's not upset about it.

He was happy. He was whistling.

He's probably happy on the Outside and whistling on the inside.

What does that mean?

It means that you can be happy on The outside and crying on the inside.

So that when somebody Looks at the happy face,

They don't know that Inside they're all wet.

That's a lovely Piece of philosophy.

If I were you, I would Put music to that.

Get some violins behind it...

Would you put your Foot up? Your foots up.

Put your feets up.

What's the matter With the vacuum?

Nothing.

It's not making any noise.

It only makes a noise When it's plugged in.

Well, if it's not plugged in, It's not gonna pick up the dirt.

There isn't any dirt.

Then why are you vacuuming?

I am not.

It's not plugged in.

Oh, for...

You can put your feet down.

Yes, thank you, thank you.

Oh, are you going In the bedroom?

Yes, why?

I was going to vacuum There. Well, go ahead.

Are you sure that the no Noise won't disturb you?

It won't if you do it quietly.

♪

I've heard this song Before. Is it from an opera?

No, it's not.

It's very familiar. I've Heard it somewhere.

I picked it up from mr. Kimball.

Oh, everybody is whistling it.

No, no. Only those who Were fired by mr. Treffinger.

Oh.

♪

Why was mr. Kimball fired?

Probably because he was Whistling that stupid song.

Whistling is no Reason to fire anybody.

Humming maybe.

♪

It becomes very annoying.

Yes, it does.

Uh, look. I haven't the faintest Idea, why mr. Kimball was fired.

He doesn't even know. They didn't tell him.

They had to. You just Can't fire somebody

Without telling them why.

They always told my Father why they fired him.

Your father?

I never knew that he Did a day's work in his life.

Now you sound like my mother.

If I sounded like your mother, you Wouldn't understand a word I said.

Well, that's a nice thing to say When mr. Kimball has just been fired.

Uh, yeah.

He's out of a job and all you Can do is make fun of my mother.

I didn't make fun Of your mother.

Then why was mr. Kimball fired?

I told you I don't know.

And you don't care.

I do.

Then, why aren't you up there Fighting for him to get back his job?

Why should I be? He's Not fighting to get it back.

Because he's a nice, Sensitive gentleman.

Not a hothead like you.

I'm not a hothead.

If you were any Kind of a friend,

You'd be in Mr. Treffelfinger's office

Blowing your cool at him.

Blowing... Treffinger...

Lisa, would you do me a favor?

Will you keep your big Hungarian nose out of this?

Well, that's the last Time I ever marry him.

♪

♪

Will you stop whistling That silly thing?

Well, I can't help it. It keeps Running through my head.

It's got plenty of Room to run around in.

What was that?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

It must've been something or You would have said it out loud.

You're right.

♪

♪

Oh, hi, mr. Douglas.

Well, it's nice of You to show up.

Thanks. I always like to work For somebody who appreciates me.

You're 3 hours late.

Where's your Brother? She's outside.

Yes, and I'm not Coming in. What?

This place has Too many memories.

Or for the... What's Wrong with her?

She has a calcium deficiency.

Why is she crying?

Ah, you know how Women carpenters are.

Ralph!

Ralph!

What do you want?

What are you doing up there?

I'm calling my dressmaker And canceling my trousseau.

Keep ringing, sarah, He's gotta be there.

Now, get off of there.

No.

Come on.

No!

Either you come on down, Or I'm gonna come up there.

Who are you hollering At now? Ralph.

What did you chase Her up there for?

I didn't chase her up there.

Hello, there.

Howdy doody, mrs. Douglas.

Well, you got her Crying pretty good.

I didn't make her cry.

Come on down, ralph. I Won't let him hit you anymore.

Thank you.

Nobody hit her. She was This way when she got here.

I'll testify to that.

Started this morning When she got the phone call.

From whom? From...

Oh, don't cry, ralph, darling.

No, don't cry. Go on into The house and get to work.

And it'll take Your mind off of...

Whatever it is.

I'm never going in That house again.

Never, never!

That's where I first met him.

Met whom?

The fellow I got The phone call from.

Yes, but whom?

Hank kimball.

Hank kimball?

Yeah. You know,

♪

Stop whistling that.

It's our song.

What has mr. Kimball Got to do with this?

He called off the wedding.

Who's he gonna marry?

Well, me!

You big oaf.

Oh, you were going To marry mr. Kimball?

We were keeping it a secret until He could save up enough money.

And then he got fired and now he says He can't afford to go through with it.

Oh, no wonder he was so Happy about being fired.

Yeah, he was Whistling up a storm.

I'm sorry, ralph.

$87 more, and I would Have been mrs. Hank kimball.

Oh, it's a shame. But He'll get another job.

I don't think so.

Well, mr. Douglas will go And see mr. Tresselfingers...

I'm not goin'.

Well, if he won't, I will.

Excuse me.

♪

Mr. Tressin...

Mr. Tre...

Excuse me.

Mr. Treffinger. That's What it is. Thank you.

Mr. Treffinger. Yoo-hoo.

Yes, madam?

Oh, are you, mr. Treffinger? Yes, that's right.

You must be pretty proud of Yourself, doing what you did.

Especially without any reason.

I don't follow you.

You better not. I'm married.

Would you care to sit down? No.

Would you like some coffee?

No, thank you. I Know how that works.

First the coffee, then you Charge me for the crullers,

Then you start whistling, And then I'm fired.

Would you mind telling me What you're talking about?

As if I didn't know. Mr. Kimball, that's what.

Kimball?

You've got to give Him back his job.

He needs it. He was Saving up to marry ralph.

Ralph?

Yes, one of the monroe brothers.

There are 2, ralph and alf.

Ralph is the pretty one.

The pretty...

Not at work,

But when ralph puts On a dress and makeup,

That is a different carpenter.

I'm afraid I don't know what...

Well, are you going to Give mr. Kimball back his job?

Or is ralph going to Stay a woman bachelor?

Oh, is ralph a girl?

What did you think he was?

Will you give Mr. Kimball back his job?

I'm sorry, but I can't. I've already Hired a new man to take his place.

Well, why did you fire Mr. Kimball in the first place?

Well, I've just taken Over the department.

I'm sure you heard The expression:

"A new broom sweeps clean"?

No, how does it go?

Well, you...

I'm sorry, mrs. Douglas,

But there is absolutely Nothing I can do about mr. Kimball.

Well, that about does it. Now, how many rows is that?

Uh, 12.

Oh, that's impossible. Here, let me have that.

More than you figured, huh?

3, 5,

9, 16.

I'm looking for a mr. Douglas.

I'm mr. Douglas.

Oh, harvey schmidlapp. I'm your new county agent.

Oh, how do you do? Uh, This is eb, my hired hand.

Glad to know you, harve.

Uh, harvey, harvey.

Uh, mr. Douglas,

I've been touring the Farms in the district.

Getting to know the people, seeing If there's anything I can do to help.

That's nice of you. Mmm-hmm.

Now, uh, how many Acres do you have here?

300.

Do you have any Under cultivation?

I beg you pardon.

Well, I meant how many do You have under cultivation?

Uh, 280. Corn, Wheat, and tomatoes.

Good. I'd like to See your cornfield.

This is my cornfield.

A little hard to tell, of Course, with all these, uh,

Weeds around.

What? Don't pick that.

That's my cornstalk.

What happened to it?

What do...

I can see we've got a Lot of work to do here.

Now what about your wheat?

You got a lot of Work to do there, too.

Hey, eb, will you...

Now, put that...

Mr. Douglas, how long Have you been farming?

2 years.

You should have Learned something by now.

Now, see here.

It's my job, mr. Douglas, to give You any assistance you may need.

Well, I appreciate it...

With the population explosion, the World faces an even greater need for food.

And the farmer's in the frontline in This battle against the shortage of food.

It's up to him to Produce more and more.

Now, we can't waste valuable Land like this growing junk.

Mr. Schmidlapp.

Don't worry, mr. Douglas, I'll, uh, take it up with the chief.

And I'm sure we can work out Some solution to your problem.

♪

Don't bother.

Of all the Officious, insulting...

High-handed, mean-mouthed Fella as I ever run into.

Oh, schmidlapp's been giving You a hard time too, huh?

Well, not personal, but he gave Doris a pretty good goin' over.

What for?

Told her she didn't have Her plow hitched up right.

And she's been pullin' It that way for 30 years.

Nobody ever found fault.

I didn't like his Attitude neither.

Had a lot of nasty things to Say about the way I raise chickens.

Such as?

He said I was feedin' Them the wrong stuff.

I told him,

If it's good enough for me, It's good enough for them.

What did he say to make You mad, mr. Douglas?

He knocked my corn.

Oh, he shouldn't have done that.

No, them skinny stalks Couldn't stand much knockin'.

Mr. Ziffel, I don't think...

Well, he was just Tryin' to do his job.

Kimball did his job, but Nobody got mad at him.

Yeah, he was funny.

What was that he said about Your tomatoes? Oh, yeah.

He said that they looked Like olives that got sunburned.

I don't think...

Old kimball sure knew How to zing them zingers.

Kimball was a good man.

Sure was.

Mr. Douglas, is there any Way we can get kimball back?

Yes.

We could get up a speti...

I mean, a pestish...

Well, whatever it is,

You get it up and we'll sign it.

Yes, sir, may I help you?

Yes, my name is douglas.

Douglas? Douglas.

There was a woman in here The other day named douglas.

A real nut.

That nut was my wife.

Oh, I'm... I'm sorry. I... I Didn't mean that to...

Won't you sit down?

♪

Now then, sir, what Can I do for you?

Well, I have a spetition,

A petition

Signed by everybody In hooterville here.

We want mr. Kimball back.

May I ask why?

Frankly, we're not too Enchanted with mr. Schmidlapp.

Oh.

He's overbearing, He's undiplomatic,

And grossly insulting.

Nobody likes him.

We demand you get Rid of mr. Schmidlapp

And reinstate mr. Kimball.

You demand?

Yes.

I'm a taxpayer.

I was wondering when You'd get around to that.

Mr. Treffinger, I Don't like your attitude

Any more than I Like mr. Schmidlapp's.

Now, we want mr. Kimball back.

He was a great county agent.

Well, he wasn't a great County agent, but he...

At least he knew what he was...

Well, he didn't always Know what he was...

Mr. Douglas,

I have hired harvey schmidlapp.

And until such time as He proves unsatisfactory,

Or until he wants to Quit, he has the job.

Good day, sir.

Good day!

Mr. Treffinger said

That the only way kimball Would get his job back

Would be if schmidlapp Were to quit.

And it doesn't... What are you doing?

I'm making an upside-down cake.

Why do you keep turning it?

Well, when I took it out of The oven, I couldn't remember

Whether I put it in with the Upside down or downside up.

Now I want to find out the Upside so I can put it down.

What difference does it make? One side looks as bad as the other.

Well!

It seems we have another Harvey schmidlapp amongst us.

Lisa, you want kimball Back, don't you?

Yes, but how can we Get rid of mr. Schmidlapp?

I don't know.

Must be some way.

Howdy doody.

Yes. There is.

My advice would be To plow it all under

And just start from scratch.

Uh-huh, why don't I just sell The whole place and get out?

Now you're thinkin'.

Yeah, but you don't know what.

I beg you pardon.

Oh... Oh, look, why Don't we step inside

And discuss my problems Over a cup of coffee?

This is your house? Yes.

Well, of course, I'm only Concerned with agriculture.

This would be a matter for The department of public health.

You miserable... Huh?

Come in, come in.

Lisa, uh, this is our New county agent.

Harvey schmidlapp.

Hello, there.

How do you do?

Any coffee?

Yes, ralph is making it.

Oh, is ralph here?

Howdy doody.

How do you do, sir?

She's not a sir, Sir. She's a girl, sir.

Uh, harvey, uh, This is miss monroe.

Uh, ralph, this is Harvey schmidlapp.

Schmidlapp?

What a strong, masculine name.

Well. I, uh...

Would you like some coffee?

Oh, of course, he would.

So your first name is horace.

That's my favorite name.

No, harvey is my name.

Oh, harvey.

I like that even better.

I'm glad you changed it.

Look, I didn't.

Oh.

Oh.

Are you married?

No. No, I'm not.

Neither am I.

Isn't that interesting?

Yeah.

Come on, lisa. I think These two wanna be alone.

No, no. There's no Need for that. Uh...

I'm glad you're The county agent.

I'll be seeing a lot of you.

Uh, really?

Do you believe in Love at first sight?

You say mr. Schmidlapp quit?

Why would he do A thing like that?

I'll tell you why he did it...

Wait... Wait. Let... Let Mr. Drucker tell it.

Well, the way I heard it,

Schmidlapp suffered some Sort of a nervous breakdown.

Busted into treffinger's Office, and yelled:

"I ain't gonna marry No carpenter."

Punched treffinger in the Nose, and joined the roller derby.

How about that?

Uh, mr. Douglas,

This carpenter that Sent him into shock,

Couldn't have been Ralph, could it?

Not only could it, it was it.

Doggone, I don't Know what ralph has,

But nobody seems to want it.

Well, whatever she has,

I don't think it's nice to Use it to scare people.

Look, we all tried to Get along with harvey,

And anyway, everybody Wants kimball back.

Well, I don't think he's gonna be Able to get back to work too soon.

Why not?

You know where he's Been since he got fired?

No.

In a bar, up in pixley.

I don't see him anywhere.

♪

No, but I hear him.

I'll ask the bartender.

Uh, excuse me.

Oh. What'll you have, folks?

Mr. Kimball.

Shh.

Everybody around Here calls me "Hey, you."

Are you working here?

Yes.

And we thought you Were just stoned.

Oh, no. I never touch the stuff.

Well, what're you gonna have?

Uh... I will have a...

Oh, I'm sorry, madam.

No unescorted ladies Allowed to sit at the bar.

She's with me.

That's what they all say.

Look...

Do you have any identification?

The sheriff's pretty strict.

Mr. Kimball, we've got Some good news for you.

Yes. You're going To get your job back.

What's good about that?

Don't you wanna be County agent again?

No. It pays too much money.

A man could get married in no Time at all on a salary like that.

If you don't mind,

I'd rather work here And be just plain "Hey, you."

Instead of mr. Ralph monroe.

Uh, mr. Kimball,

It might interest you to know

That mr. Treffinger's Got a new rule.

He wants only single men.

Anyone who gets married is Subject to immediate dismissal.

Then mr. Kimball Can't marry ralph.

Well, under those circumstances,

Let's go.

♪

Oh.

I had to supply my own pretzels.

Oliver, answer me.

Lisa, I'm trying to fix the...

When did they start that rule?

What rule?

Where they don't allow Married men in the county agents.

Oh, that rule.

There is no such rule, is there?

Well, if there isn't, There should be.

But you should have Never told it to mr. Kimball.

Lisa, mr. Kimball's Got his job back,

Ralph is chasing him. Everything is back to normal now.

and now our symphony Orchestra brings you

the first performance Of a new work,

Fugue for flute and timpani.

♪

♪

And you said it would Never be popular.

♪

this has been a filmways Presentation, darling.