Original subtitles

♪ green acres is The place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Gimme that countryside ♪

♪ new york is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ goodbye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Oliver.

Oh, hi.

Oh, what've you Got in the basket?

I brought you lunch.

Now, that's nice of you.

Such a beautiful day.

I thought it would be nice To have a picnic by the stream

And dangle our Feets in the water.

Yes, it is a nice idea, but We don't have a stream.

Well, that's all right.

I didn't bring a towel, anyway.

Well, uh, why don't we eat Over under this tree here?

Oh, that would be nice.

What are you doing here?

Standin' in for stuffy.

Who?

The scarecrow. He went Up to pixley for lunch.

Would you like To join our picnic?

No, stuffy's bringing Me back a hamburger.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, come on, let's Eat some lunch.

Uh, this all right?

Fine. Ah.

Oh, I'm starved.

Here we are.

Ooh, a lace tablecloth, huh?

Nothing is too good for you.

Uh-huh. Gold plates.

You deserve the best.

Oh, isn't that our best silver?

Flowers! Why now, Whoever heard of flowers...

Do you have a match?

A match. Yeah, here.

Uh, is this a special occa...

This isn't our Anniversary, is it?

No, it's just a simple picnic.

And this here is the music.

Oh, good, good.

Now, what've we got to eat?

Nothing.

What?

Well, there was no Room in the basket.

What did you bring All this junk for?

Why didn't you bring some food?

Well, I had a choice To make and I made it.

Well, you made the wrong choice!

How do you know? You haven't eaten yet.

How am I...

Mind if I have Lunch with you kids?

What have you got there?

The hamburger Stuffy brought back.

How could he bring Back a hamburger...

You forgot the ketchup.

Boy, sometimes I think he's Got sawdust in his head.

Well, if you don't Want it... No, no, no, no.

As long as he brought it,

I don't want to Hurt his feelings.

I'll go eat with him.

The next time you have a picnic,

Bring some food.

Well, if you're hungry, I'll turn on the radio.

What good will that do?

Maybe you'll hear Something good to eat.

I don't want to hear food, I...

hello, kiddies.

this is your uncle make-believe.

today, we're going To make-believe

we're on an elegant picnic.

imagine you're Sitting under a tree

with a lace tablecloth Spread on the ground.

gold plates, real silverware, Flowers, and candles,

and right in the middle Of the tablecloth

is a huge bowl of Crunchy potato chips.

I don't see any potato chips.

and now, kiddies, let's all Crunch our potato chips,

to the tune of the blue danube.

♪

just a moment.

some of my little Nieces and nephews

are not crunching.

I haven't got anything to Crunch with, you stupid uncle.

That was one of My favorite waltzes.

♪

♪

Who's crunching?

Oh, mr. Kimball.

Oh, hi, mr. Douglas, Mrs. Douglas.

Have you got any more of those?

No, this is the last one.

I would've offered you one, But I see you've already eaten.

And quite stylishly, I might add.

We haven't eaten.

Oh, well, don't let me stop you.

You think that was one?

One what?

Well, you see mr. Douglas...

There goes one.

No, that was just a Spot on my glasses.

You're not wearing glasses.

Hey, that's right.

Maybe that was one.

Was that one?

No, I don't think so.

Well, it looked like...

What are we looking for?

Flying saucers.

You're nuts.

Oh, you sound a little Skeptical, mr. Douglas.

Or not a little skeptical, You're pretty nasty.

Well, I'm sorry, But flying saucers...

Don't you believe in them?

Don't tell me you do.

Why?

We're living in a different Age than we used to.

That's right.

It may be right, but What does it mean?

There are a lot of things That happened 10 years ago,

Which you still Can't explain today.

And you're the best Example of that, that I know.

That wasn't very...

There's been 3 saucer sightings In these parts in the last month.

Well, actually There were only 2.

One was a flying Shoebox sighting.

Shoebox?

Well, it was shaped like A shoebox, only bigger.

It was oblong, had A lot of windows,

And there were About 50 people inside.

Turned out to be A low-flying bus.

Then there was this unexplained Incident that happened...

Bye.

Oh, sorry you have to go.

Not me, you.

Oh, yes, I guess I do.

Well, if you see any More flying saucers,

I'd contact the Sheriff's office.

I will.

Of all the...

You don't believe in them?

No, I don't.

Well, then would you Please tell me what eb saw?

I... How do I know what eb saw?

Well, then let Him tell you. Eb! Eb!

Yes, ma'am.

Would you please tell Mr. Douglas what you saw last week?

I saw him in pixley talking To this redheaded bee girl.

Not what I meant.

But let's hear About that, anyway.

Oh, she wasn't a real bee girl.

She raises bees. Mrs. Fenton.

I thought it'd be nice To have some bees

In case we wanted some honey.

I bet you did.

What's this got to do With flying saucers?

Oh, did you see one, too?

No.

I did.

That figures.

It was about 11:00 at night,

And I was gettin' ready for bed

When this saucer Buzzed the barn.

Really? And what did you do?

I pulled down my shade. I'm shy.

All right. Lunch is over. Go back to your weeding.

You pack up your mobile waldorf.

And you go get me a hamburger.

So long.

Don't forget when You get to hooterville

To make a right turn.

Drive carefully.

Who's that? Who's what?

And drop in any time.

I'll be glad to see you.

Bye.

That's eb.

Who could he be talking To at 3:00 in the morning?

Bye. So long.

Eb.

Oh, hi, mr. Douglas.

Would you mind telling Me who you're talking to?

Oh, just the people In the flying saucer.

Did you see it?

Sure. Oh, yeah. It Was round and silver

And had 2 little Green men in it?

That's the one.

You're walking in your Sleep. Now go to bed.

But mr... Good night.

Dingle burvis.

What?

That's what they said When they took off.

I think it means good night.

Well, dingle burvis to you, And don't wake us up again.

What's the matter with eb?

Oh, he was seeing a Couple of friends of his

Off to mars or some such place.

I hope they have a good trip.

Yeah. Good night. Good night.

Are you sure you left it here?

Maybe it's under the front seat.

Don't worry about it.

I'll look for it in the morning

And if I find it, I'll Keep it for you.

Bye.

Eb, I thought I told you...

Oh, they came back.

One of the saucer People lost his plertuss.

He was pretty upset.

Well, I can understand that.

I'd be pretty upset Myself, if I lost my plertuss.

Now, will you go to bed And stop this nonsense?

All right.

See you in the cleegan.

Don't count on it.

Eb, you must've been dreaming.

No, sir. It was a Real flying saucer.

What did it look like?

Well, um...

Like this.

Except it didn't Have syrup on it.

It circled the barn,

Then it dropped straight down.

How did that happen?

Eb dropped a flying Saucer on your plate.

The saucer was a lot Lighter than the hotcake.

It didn't break anything When it came down.

Now, here's a real u.F.O. Unidentified food object.

Just for that, no more hotcakes.

You do love me.

The 2 fellers in the spaceship

Were shaped something like this.

Eb, will you... You mean There were 2 fellows in it?

Yes, ma'am.

Although I think one Of them was a girl,

Because the other Feller kept kissin' her.

Kissing her?

He held the hatch Open for her, too.

He was a perfect gentleman.

Except I think he was a girl.

Yeah. He had the hair ribbon.

What did she look like?

Well, she had a cute Little green face,

And she was wearin' A purple dress.

And they came from outer space.

They must have been Because no woman on earth

Would wear a purple Dress with a green face.

Look, I've had enough Flying saucer nonsense.

They didn't call it a saucer, They called it a glipper.

A glipper?

Driggis.

I guess that means yes.

'cause every time the Feller in the purple dress

Said somethin' to the girl,

She'd nod her head And say "Driggis."

Except once when she slapped His face and said "Gloint."

What do you think He said to her?

Well, I think he...

Eb.

You better stop Eating these things.

I think they're Affecting your brain.

I don't know about my brain,

But they sure aren't Doin' my stomach any good.

Eb, are you through insulting Mrs. Douglas' cooking?

Yes, sir.

Then would you Mind getting to work?

I've got to go into drucker's.

I'd better go with you.

Mr. Drucker will probably want To get out an extra on my sighting.

Uh, eb, uh...

May I give you a piece Of friendly advice?

You know, it's all right To tell the two of us

About your wild hallucinations.

But if this gets into print,

It's gonna confirm what a lot Of people have always thought.

You're a dingbat.

Newt, the reason you Didn't get a paper this week,

Is 'cause I didn't print one.

Ok. I'll give you a 3-cent Refund on your subscription.

Mr. Drucker, why didn't You print a paper this week?

Well, there just wasn't Any news worth printin'.

There must have been Something going on in the world.

In the world, yeah. In hooterville, no.

Who wants to read about

Selma plout pourin' For the women's club?

I've been runnin' her Pourin' for the last 40 years.

Well, I suppose that the...

The only time it was news

Is the time she spilled hot Tea in the governor's lap.

That was the year we lost Our road appropriation.

What about the flying saucers?

Well, with all due Respect, mrs. Douglas,

I ain't clutterin' up the world guardian

With a lot of crackpot Reports of sightings.

Now, if somebody Really saw one...

Eb did.

Lisa.

He saw a flyin' saucer?

No, it was a glipper.

What's a glipper?

That's what the 2 green men...

Lisa, don't you want To order something?

Yes, I need to...

Wh-wh-what 2 green men?

The ones that eb said He saw in the glipper.

The saucer.

He actually saw them?

Driggis. Which means yes.

It doesn't mean anything.

It's just some doubletalk Word that eb made up.

I suppose he made Up "Plertuss," too.

What's a plertuss?

That's what they came back for.

You mean they were there twice?

Yes, they always come Back in the middle of burvis,

Which means night.

I figured that out by myself.

Because when they left, They said "Dingle burvis,"

Which means "Good night."

Now, if you take The "Dingle" off,

That leaves you With the "Burvis."

It's not an easy Language to understand.

Neither is the One you're talking.

Sounds like the real thing.

I better go have a talk with eb.

W-w-wait a minute. What about our order?

You just help yourself To anything you need.

Oh!

Now you done it.

The story is gonna Get all over town.

"Local boy sees flying saucer.

"Talks with green Couple from outer space.

"According to eb, the Spaceship, or glipper,

"As the fellow with the Open-toed shoes called it,

"Came from an unknown planet.

"'the 2 creatures appeared To be very friendly,

"'especially to each other.

"I hope they come back', Eb told this reporter.

'they were both very frangen.'"

Nice.

Eb, why did you Give all this drivel...

My picture's on the inside!

That's you?

It's the only black And white picture I had.

All the rest are in color.

Can I come in?

You're in.

Is, uh, eb around?

Right here.

Is that you?

This picture don't Do you justice.

You sure do need an agent.

Sign here.

Just a second.

What does he need an agent for?

Every celebrity needs one.

Eb is not a celebrity.

Let my agent talk.

Eb, baby, I'm gonna Make you famous.

Eb, baby?

You saw his Picture in the paper.

Now, tonight you're appearing On the luke carter t.V. Show,

Direct from pixley.

Isn't that the fellow who Interviews all those crackpots?

Correct. And tonight eb is Gonna be the star crackpot.

Golly!

Oh, boy.

Now, for this Exclusive appearance,

They're payin' us $22.40.

Eb is not appearing on Any television program.

Then would you mind Washing your hands?

Yes, sir.

Why do you want him To wash his hands?

I've got a whole Busload of folks outside,

That want to shake hands with The boy who saw the flyin' saucer,

At 25 cents a shake.

Come in, folks.

Wait... Wait a minute here.

What are you doing?

Get out. Out. Out.

What's going on here?

Mr. Haney, I...

Well, I hope you realize What you've done.

You have nipped free Enterprise in its bud.

What?

You drove away All of my customers.

Now I'm stuck with 400 purple dresses.

Purple dresses?

2 gross of souvenir Flying saucers,

A dozen green make-up kits,

And 40 plertusses.

Plertusses.

What did you do that for? You cost me a lot of money.

Do you realize what my share of Those purple dresses would have been?

I am not running a souvenir Stand or a sideshow.

This is a farm, and if you Want to continue working on it,

I suggest you get out there And weed those tomatoes.

That's no way to Talk to a celebrity.

Out!

Holy smoke.

This must be where It landed, hannah.

Hey, look at the mess It made out of this.

What is this, mac?

This is corn and Nothing landed on it.

This is the way it grows.

What are you doing here?

Uh, are you the fellow Who saw the saucer?

No. And you're trespassing.

Now please get Off of my property.

Well, somebody saw it.

Now, watch it, you're Trampling the corn.

Flying saucers. I'd like To meet one of those...

Whoa!

Who are you?

No, no. I was only kidding.

Uh, I didn't mean...

Oh, no! Hold it! Hold it! Me friend.

Frangen. Frangen.

Driggis.

What's a driggis?

Oh.

What do you mean coming Here pointing a space gun at...

Who are you?

Chester holmby.

What are you doing here, anyway?

I came to see the fellow who Said he saw a flying saucer.

Look, chester...

My father said, you've Either got a screw loose

Or you've been Beltin' the bottle.

I didn't see any flying saucer.

Your nose is kinda red.

That's from the sun.

If you want to, you can Go and see my hired hand.

He's the one who claims He saw the flying saucer.

Where is he?

Oh, he's over there In the tomato field.

Thank you.

Hey, now watch it,

Watch out for the Corn, you bubblehead!

Excuse me, sir.

Watch it.

I'm sorry, did you by any Chance see a little kind of...

Yes, I saw him.

Did he land here...

No.

That's the holmby kid.

He came over to See if I was drunk.

Are you the fellow who Claims that he saw an object

Coming out of the sky?

No, that was my hired man, eb.

Well, I'm lt. Bennett.

Oh, yes, air force.

You know, I used to be a Fighter pilot myself in the war.

I remember a Mission I was flying...

Sir, I am not here to write a History of the first world war.

The 2nd.

Oh, well, I'm terribly sorry.

What I have been Trying to tell you

Is that I'm attached to a Section of the air force

That's assigned to check out All of these u.F.O. Sightings.

No wonder our taxes are so high.

Wasting all that Money on foolish...

I'm afraid you'll have to take that Up with the secretary of defense.

I would just like to talk to The young man who claims...

All right. I'll call Him for you. Thank you.

Eb.

Now, young man, tell me your Story from the very beginning.

And don't leave out Any of the details...

Lieutenant, how do You take your coffee?

Oh, with cream And sugar, please.

Cream and sugar.

Uh-huh.

I cooked it with the Cream and sugar in it.

Darling, you take Yours black with sugar.

Uh, lisa...

Would you taste it, darling, And see if it is sweet enough?

Oh, it's fine. Fine.

And you take yours With cream and no sugar.

Yes, ma'am.

There we go. There you are.

And I take mine Black. Thank you.

Lisa.

Why did you make 4 Different pots of coffee?

Why didn't you just put the sugar Bowl and the cream pitcher on the table?

I broke them.

Uh, ahem, you were Saying, lieutenant...

Oh, yes, I...

Now, eb, exactly...

My husband was in The air force, too.

Yes, he told me.

Eb, when you...

His uniform didn't Fit as good as yours.

His was baggy in the seat.

That was my parachute.

You see, lieutenant, In those days we...

I'm sure you did. Now, May I please talk to eb?

Now, eb, when was the first Time you saw this spaceship?

It was friday night.

I went to bed early Because I didn't have a date.

Mr. Douglas wouldn't Lend me his car.

Just tell him the story!

Well, I was sound asleep.

Suddenly, I heard this Strange humming sound.

You were dreaming.

No, sir. It woke me up.

Well, uh, what did you do When you heard this humming?

I tried to hum along with It, but I didn't know the tune.

Was this, uh, humming A high-pitched tone,

Or low tone?

No, it was just an Ordinary hum-humming.

Then what did you do?

Well, I looked out the window,

And I saw this Strange spaceship.

Well, uh, now, can You describe it for me?

Yes, sir.

It was about bleep, Bleep. Bleep, bleep,

Bleep, bleep.

Or maybe it was A little smaller.

Lieutenant, would you like To have some more coffee?

Hmm?

You are black with sugar?

No, I'm sugar and cream.

Oh. Oh, you're the number 2 pot.

Would you say that again?

You're the number 2 pot.

No, he's talking to eb.

The spaceship was A dark bleep, bleep,

Bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep.

Or maybe it was A little lighter.

I'm sorry, what does This bleep, bleep mean?

Who said that?

You did.

Why would I say that?

I'm sure I don't know, but...

Please.

The ship landed.

Not that time.

The time it did land, There were people in it?

Yes, sir.

Now, would you Describe them, please?

Yes, sir.

They were about Bleep, bleep, bleep.

They had long Bleep, bleep, bleep.

Sticking out of Their bleep, bleep.

Were these big Bleep, bleep, bleep.

And that's about all I Can tell you about 'em.

You haven't told the Lieutenant anything.

All you said was Bleep, bleep, bleep.

I did?

I bet I know what it is.

They don't want the air Force to know about them,

So they're bleeping out my mind.

Eb, you were born With a bleeped-out mind.

Lieutenant, you're Wasting your...

Now, wait, just a minute.

You claim that these People from mars

Are preventing you from...

I didn't say they Were from mars.

Where are they from?

They told me they were From bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep,

Which is a pretty long trip.

Eb, this is beyond belief.

You told us what the Spaceship looked like

And what the people looked like.

What did he tell you?

The spaceship looked Like bleep, bleep, bleep.

And the people looked Like bleep, bleep, bleep.

That's right.

Well, I...

I think I've got all The facts that I need.

I'd like to, uh, thank You folks for your time

And, uh, hospitality.

Goodbye.

Dingle burvis.

Nice fellow.

Eb, I must say you have A very inventive mind.

You make up this Whole wild story

And then when somebody Tries to pin you down on it,

You bleep your way out of it.

You were bleeping Pretty good yourself.

Who was?

You was.

Oh, come on. This Whole thing is a hoax.

You want to see the picture?

No, I...

What picture?

The one I took of the 2 fellows Standing in front of their ship.

I was gonna show It to the lieutenant...

There's nothing on here.

There was.

They probably bleeped it out.

That does it.

Now come on, let's Get back to work.

For 2 days we've Had this nonsense

Green men and spaceships,

And that's the end of it.

Oh, darling, don't be mad at eb.

Maybe he really Did see something.

Sure he did.

this has been a filmways Presentation, darling.