Original subtitles

♪ green acres is The place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

♪ new york is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ goodbye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Hello, dear. Hi. Hi.

Dinner is ready. Oh, we're starved.

Uh, what're you Standing there for?

I didn't get my kiss yet.

You're not entitled to a kiss.

I don't know why not? I Worked just as hard as you did.

Sit down.

Boy, I sure am hungry. Aren't you, mr. Douglas?

Well, it depends. What've we got?

Spaghetti.

Spaghetti!

Mamma mia!

I heard that on a Frank sinatra special.

What's that?

Spaghetti.

That's not the way You serve spaghetti.

Oh, you want it in a bowl?

No. I... I want it cooked!

Nobody eats spaghetti this way.

Mamma mia! This sure is...

How can you eat it that Way? It's supposed to be soft.

It melts in your stomach Instead of your mouth!

Lisa, this is not the Way you serve spaghetti.

Boil some water.

Oh.

Did you eat all that?

Yes, sir. I like mrs. Douglas' cooking.

Well, here, have mine!

Thanks!

Holy mozzarella, this is good!

For the love of...

While you're waiting For the water to boil,

Would you like to Eat your dessert?

Yes, it might...

What's that?

A 7-layers cake.

7!

Yes. I took 7 hotcakes and I Put them on top of each other,

And I shoved some Chocolate syrups in between.

Yuck!

What was that?

He said, "Yuck!"

Mind your own... Do You want to try it?

Feed it to the boy fink!

Thanks!

I wouldn't eat the Whipped cream if I were you.

Why not? It's shaving cream.

Why did you use...

Uh, to hold up the cherry!

Oh, fine!

Oh, I wouldn't eat the cherry Either. It's made out of wax.

Why did you bother...

To make it look beautiful Like it does in the magazine!

What magazine? Popular heartburn?

Oliver!

Lisa, see if the Water is boiling.

I can't wait.

The hypas are having a meeting to Pick out the play we're going to put on,

To raise money for a clubhouse.

What are the hypos?

Hypas!

Hooterville young people's Agricultural society.

Where do you meet now?

On nice nights, in Simpson's swamp.

But on rainy nights we have to Crawl under mr. Drucker's front porch.

We get a bigger Crowd on rainy nights.

I got to leave.

Bye.

I was hoping some kind Man would lend me his car.

Well, start walking, maybe You'll meet one on the way.

There ain't none here In the kitchen, huh?

No.

Darling, why don't You let eb has the car?

I need it myse...

What is that?

Spaghetti.

What?

What should I do With the boiling water?

Lisa,

You're supposed to cook the Spaghetti in the boling water.

Well, you didn't tell me that!

You said to boil some water And cook the spaghetti.

So I boiled some water in a pots

And I cooked some Spaghetti in the other pots.

Well, let's go over To the pixley diner

And get ourselves a hamburger.

It doesn't pay to make any Fancy cooking around here.

All you like is those hotcakes!

And when you finish the corn field, I want you to take all the tomato...

Am I boring you?

No more than usual.

Stop yawning.

I can't help it.

I'm tired from that long walk I Had into hooterville last night,

And the long walk I had back.

Exercise is good for a Growing... Whatever you are.

Yeah, but I got to save My strength for acting.

I'm gonna be in the show.

Ooh! That'll shake Up richard burton.

Can I borrow the car tonight?

No!

Dean martin doesn't Have to walk to rehearsal.

Eb, what show are You going to do?

The community players Narrowed it down to 3.

romeo and juliet,

death of a salesman And ah, wilderness!

Which one did you pick?

the beverly hillbillies.

the beverly...

Uh, you know, that's that show

Where this old man Struck oil in the hills,

And he packed up his kit and he's moved His whole caboodle to beverly hills,

Which really isn't a hill, But it's near to california.

And when they got There, that's when he...

I know what it's About. I've seen it.

Everyone seems to enjoy it.

So we wrote to hollywood and asked Them to send us a half a dozen scripts,

And we'd pick a funny one.

Oh, that ought To make 'em happy.

Get to work now, we're Going in to drucker's.

Anything you need From drucker's?

No, I'll stop in there tonight When I drive to rehearsal.

In what?

You never let your Guard down, do you?

To the corn field!

Drucker.

I'll be right with you.

Oh, howdy.

Hi.

Hello there, mr. Drucker.

I was just printing Up the tickets

For the show the, uh, hooterville players Are doing for the benefit of the hypas.

Yeah, eb told us about it.

That's a nice bunch of kids. They Should have their own clubhouse.

Keep 'em out from under my Front porch on rainy nights.

Eb told me you were going To do the beverly hillbillies.

Yeah, we decided not to do Anything legitimate this year.

Oh, I like that show.

Especially the man Who plays the father.

Buddy epstein.

Uh, ebsen.

Say, would you folks like to Join the little theatre group?

Oh, no. I'm not an actor.

How about you, mrs. Douglas?

I'd like to.

But when I married mr. Douglas,

I promised to give Up my acting career.

What acting career?

I thought you knew about that.

No I didn't.

Well, then why did you Make me give it up for?

I never...

I was the star of the Royal hungarian theater.

I once gave a command Performance for the king.

Uh, you see, the theater was Right next door to the palace.

That's why they called It the palace theater.

But the king got Very angry at me

Because I used to keep Him awake with my singing.

Especially in the 3rd act,

Where I would hit those high notes And break all the mirrors in the palace.

When I wasn't singing,

We used to do those Very dramatic plays,

Like the cherry orchard,

doll's house,

war and peace,

W-what was that last one?

budapest hillbillies.

the budapest hillbillies?

Oh, you know,

It's the story about that hungarian Peasant who struck goulash

And moved his family To the swiss alps.

Oh, then you saw it?

Lisa, just give mr. Drucker Your grocery list.

Oh, all right.

Well, we need some dusting Powder, nail polish, mascara,

Cold cream, bobby Pins, and napkins.

Uh, how about something to eat?

Oh, yes, and a can Of shaving cream.

Shaving cream?

She uses it to decorate The top of her 7-layer cake.

And while I think of it, I Need a pound of wax cherries.

W-well, uh, y-you...

Oh, and about the spaghetti you Sold me last week, I have a complaint.

What was wrong with it?

What do you want Me to do with this?

Just send it back to the Manufacturer. Let him worry about it.

Eb. Eb! Wake up!

I'm awake.

You know it's...

Who's that snoring?

Oh, that's eloise.

I think she's got A sinus condition.

I don't care what she's got, I want You dressed and down here in 10 minutes!

This is the 5th morning you've Overslept and I 'm getting a little fed up.

If I can wake up On time, so can you.

I'm sorry, mr. Douglas.

You were sorry yesterday, too. Being sorry doesn't get the work done.

Ever since you Got into that play...

But, mr. Douglas...

Look, will you keep out Of this? Now, eb, I'm warn...

Where did you come from?

Appleville.

It's a small town about 300 miles From here. After that we moved to, uh...

How did you get down here?

Oh, I slid down the rain pipe.

Well, slide down a half hour Earlier tomorrow or you're fired!

I wouldn't oversleep if I didn't Get home from rehearsals so late.

If I had a car... Well, buy one.

Maybe I will.

Pixley motors is having a sale.

Will you lend me $7,000?

$7,000?

Yeah, I can get a great Buy on a pierce-arrow.

Well, get something else.

I know where I can buy a good Used motor scooter for $30.

Get it! Will you Lend me the $30?

Eb, look...

You can keep Eloise for security.

I don't need any security!

Here's your money.

$30! Boy!

This is the first time I've ever had A whole year's salary in my hand!

We sure are lucky To have a dad like him.

Eloise!

How can you sleep At a time like this?

Wake up. Wake up!

Lisa?

In the kitchen!

I suppose you can explain this.

Oh, oh, yes.

I struck out with the spaghetti,

So I thought I make a pizza.

What've you got Against the italians?

What do you want Me to do with this?

Throw it away.

I didn't mean to...

Oh, oh, oh.

What's that?

Oh. That's probably eb.

I gave him some money To buy a scooter.

Eb, be careful!

The brake won't work!

Turn it off!

The switch won't work, either!

Hey, watch where you're going!

Out of the way!

Eb! Eb!

Lisa, did eb come through here?

Yes. That's a very Nice machine he bought.

Oh, for the love...

Eb! Eb, will you Get off of that...

Will you shut that door?

You're letting all the flies in.

Eb, are you all right?

This never would've happened if you'd Lent me the $7,000 for the pierce-arrow!

What's the matter?

My ankle!

I think it's sprained!

Was he unconscious at any time?

With him it's hard to tell.

Oliver!

Uh, doctor, is it serious?

Tell me the truth, Doc. I can take it.

It's the not knowing That gets you.

Give it to me straight!

Uh, oh, e-eb, it's...

Just a second, doc.

Hold my hand, dad. It'll make it easier.

Eb, it's a simple sprain.

Will I be able to Take part in the play?

Yes. You'll be up In a couple of days.

Good, because I don't Have an understudy.

You know the old saying:

"The show must go on!"

The curtain goes up. A real Trouper comes onstage,

Even if he has to crawl.

And no matter how Much pain he's in...

I'm going to write a Prescription for a tranquilizer.

He could use one.

It's not for him. It's for you.

All right. Make it strong.

Keep him off that ankle.

Thanks, doc. Uh, I'll see you out.

Gosh, mrs. Douglas.

It sure is nice of you To let me stay here.

Oh, that's all right, eb.

You can't climb up the Ladder with that ankle.

Where are you and Mr. Douglas going to sleep?

Now don't you worry about this.

And if you need anything, Just tinkle the bell.

Yes, ma'am. There.

Uh, how's the patient?

Oh, he's doing fine. I'm just Going to make him some tea.

Oh, yes. Yes.

Well, here, lie down.

Now, the doctor says if you Take it easy you'll be all right.

Anything you need? No, sir.

If I do, mrs. Douglas said To tinkle this little bell.

Oh, good. All right. Now you just rest.

Ok. I'll see you later.

Yes?

Would you turn On the t.V. For me?

Oh, sure.

There you are. Thank you.

Now, what?

Would you mind Changing the channel?

How's that? Fine.

Anything else? No, sir.

What now?

I saw this picture. You Might as well turn it off.

Anything else?

Want a drink of water?

Your pillow fluffed?

Your blanket to suck on?

No, sir. I'm comfortable.

Just testing.

Now, if you want anything else,

Write a note, Put it in a bottle,

And float it into the kitchen!

Have you got another bell?

No, sir.

Then who rang?

Oh, I guess you didn't Know that about me.

I do wonderful bell imitations.

Bell?

Will you go to sleep?

How can I sleep with All that racket outside?

Oh, that's only haney's truck.

Stop that racket. We've Got a sick boy in here.

I know that, mr. Douglas. And that's why I'm here.

On an errand of mercy.

Now, these are for the sickee.

The sickee?

Yeah. That's the Fellow that's sick.

I thought you Understood that legal talk.

I'll give them to the Sickee. Thank you.

My pleasure. That'll be $3.

$3!

Well, if it wasn't an Errand of mercy, it'd be $6.

No, thank you!

You care to have me, uh, drop in

And check eb's 3-way hospital bed

To make sure it's Working all right?

We don't have a hospital bed.

You don't have a hospital bed?

No!

Well, how fortunate For you that I dropped by.

Now, look, I...

Now, the first thing That you'll need

Is this sign.

Why do I need that sign?

Makes your patient Think he's in a hospital!

Gives him a secure feeling.

That's not gonna make Him think he's in a hospital!

No, but this will.

Our sterilized Long-playing tape,

Recorded live on the 5th Floor of the mayo clinic.

doctor blanning,

wanted in surgery.

doctor blanning,

wanted in surgery.

That tape is guaranteed to give Your home a real sick feeling.

That I won't quarrel with.

Look, now all you need To complete the picture

Is miss mumford.

Who?

Our registered rentable nurse.

How do you do?

Uh, mr. Haney,

Is it possible for a layman to Rent a psychiatrist's couch?

Certainly.

Uh-huh.

Well, I suggest you rent one,

And lie down on it and give Yourself a thorough going over.

Good day!

Sorry, tillie.

"Hello, elly may."

"Howdy, jethro, you all."

"Do you know where Granny is at, elly may?"

"She all went down to the root cellar To get a parcel of turned-up green!"

I believe that's Turnip greens. Oh.

What's going on here?

Mrs. Douglas is helping Me rehearse my lines.

She's doing elle mae.

I sure am, honey chile, you all.

She's not doing her any good.

What're you doing out of bed?

Well, the doc said my ankle Would be all right in 2 days.

It's fine.

Besides, there's a Dress rehearsal tonight.

Let's go on. Where were we?

I was asking you all about The turned up greens.

Oh, yeah.

"What is granny going to Make for supper tonight?"

"Breast of pollywog With possum sauce

And crawdad turnovers."

"Goody!"

"Why don't you set yourself Down on your you all,

"And I will go out To the cement pond,

And catch us a barracuda."

W-w-wait, wait. Hold it. Hold it.

Is that in the script They sent you?

No, sir. I made a few Changes to punch it up.

Eb.

Well, it needed a few yocks.

You... You got to be... You can't Do that. You'll get into trouble!

Well, the fellow that Wrote it, uh, paul henning,

Said we could do Anything we want to it

As long as he Doesn't hear about it.

He's bound to! You can't Keep stuff like that a secret.

Mr. Douglas!

Oh, that's mr. Kimball.

Mr. Douglas!

Oh, mr. Douglas!

Oh, mr. Kimball, What's the matter?

How can you ask That at a time like this?

Well, I... Is eb here?

I got to talk to him. It's an emergency!

Yes, he is. Come on inside.

Oh, hello there, mr. Kimball.

Hi.

Well? There he is.

There who is? Eb!

Oh, hi, eb. Hi.

Well, it's been nice Seeing everybody.

Wait a second!

Why did you come Banging on that door here,

Yelling there's an Emergency, you gotta see eb?

About what?

I'm sure I don't know!

Well, I do, or I wouldn't have Come banging on your door

Saying it was an Emergency, I got to see eb.

What is the emergency?

Well, I'm glad somebody's Interested enough to ask.

Eb, we've lost our granny.

We have?

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

Oh, it's not our granny.

Eb and I aren't related. At Least I don't think we are.

No, we're not!

But, uh, we appreciate Your sympathy.

What granny are You talking about?

Oh, the one in the hillbillies.

You see, the, uh, woman who Was going to play the part,

Well, she's no woman, It was doris ziffel.

Well, whatever she is, she, uh, can't Make it, 'cause she came down with a cold.

She didn't come down With it, she came up with it!

You see, she was down In a coal cellar and...

Holy smoke!

Without granny, how are we Gonna be able to do the play?

Well, we'll just have To find another one.

Hey, how about you, mr. Douglas?

Me?

That's a woman's part, you...

Boy!

I guess everybody Would notice that.

Hey, how about mrs. Douglas?

Great!

She used to be a star On the hungarian stage!

Oh, she'd be perfect for granny.

She's the right size.

Uh, she won't need Too much make up.

Oliver!

Would you, mrs. Douglas? You know all the lines!

Well, if my public calls me,

I got to answer.

Yippee!

Eb, are you all right?

Hey, hey, hey.

My ankle, I've Sprained it again!

Oh. Oh, no!

That's fine. Now, we have a Granny, but we don't have a jethro.

Oh, yes, we do.

Who?

Howdy there, you all.

Oh, just a minute...

Just think. You and Me appearing together.

The lint and fontane Of hootersville.

Lunt and fontane.

Well, whoever you are,

Will you do it for the hypas, so we Won't have to meet in the swamp anymore?

All right!

If you're all set, we'll Start this dress rehearsal.

Ok, haney?

Ladies and gentlemen,

The hooterville community Players are proud to present

Their version of That famous t.V. Show,

the beverly hillbillies.

Curtain.

Granny!

Where are you at-all?

Is that all-at?

Well, whatever it is,

Where is you?

Here I is, jed.

What are you hootin' And hollerin" about?

I'm hungry.

What are you fixin' for vittles?

I thought I'd whip us up

A mess of corn pone Stuffed with newt eggs.

Ooh, doggit!

That sure is a good mess!

Where is jethro at?

I need some wood.

I'll fetch him.

Jethro!

Jethro!

Here I is, uncle jed.

And guess what I found Down by the cement pond?

What is it, boy?

Danged if'n I know.

Well, put your "Danged if'n I know" down

And get me some stove wood.

Yes, ma'am, I will.

Where's elly may at?

Uh, last time I saw her,

She was, uh, playing With her critters

Oh, that child Is always playin'.

Hey, where's the stove at?

Oliver, darling, darling, Are you all right?

Pull the curtain.

But the play isn't over yet.

It is for me!

I broke my big toe.

Oh!

Lisa! Lisa!

Jethro, would you Mind being quiet?

I wanna take a nap.

Oh, that's too bad.

You and that stupid play.

Now I'm laid up here for...

Lisa! Lisa!

Lisa!

Boy, next time, I'm gonna Get me a private room.

These wards are too darn noisy.

this has been a filmways Presentation, darling.