Original subtitles

♪ green acres is The place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

♪ new york is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ goodbye, city life ♪

♪ green acres we are there ♪

You're not going to send Anybody to the state convention?

Haney,

What did I just say?

You said we're not gonna send Anybody to the state convention.

Then why does he Want to repeat it?

Because I can't believe it!

This convention Is for us farmers.

We know, we read the literature.

And you're still not going to Send anybody to the convention?

I don't see why You're so het up,

It's not like we're against The red cross or anything.

No, I didn't mean that.

The only thing we're Against is gene autry

Kissin' the girl at The end of the picture.

That's different.

Even if it was ruby keeler, I Wouldn't want to see gene kiss her.

Gentlemen,

This convention is of The farmer's alliance.

Farmers from all over the State are going to gather,

To meet and discuss, to Learn from each other.

The american farmer Is not an island.

He does not stand alone In the middle of his fields,

Gazing blankly At his fallow soil

Wondering what he can do To make something grow on it.

No!

He turns to his neighbor.

One man learns how To grow corn. Hmm?

He tells his neighbor.

That man learns to grow More corn, he tells his neighbor,

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

No wonder we're getting such a low Price for corn, everybody growin' it.

We'd have been better off if that First fellow just stayed on his island

And kept his mouth shut.

Mr. Haney,

Without communication the American farmer cannot progress.

That's why I can't understand why you're Not sending anybody to the convention!

He just don't let go, does he?

Mr. Douglas, I can give You the answer in one word.

Money.

Yes, it takes about $150 to send Somebody to the state capital.

Well,

Why don't we all chip In and send somebody?

I've got a better idea.

Why don't you chip In and send yourself?

Lisa!

Out here.

Hello, dear.

Lisa, guess what? I'm gonna rep...

What are you doing?

What does it Look like I'm doing?

You're not churning butter!

I am washing your socks.

That's a butter churn.

What's that?

You use it to make butter.

All right, after I wash your Socks, I'll make you some.

Don't bother.

I started to tell you, I'm Going to represent hooterville

At the state convention Of the farmer's alliance.

It's a good thing I Did your washing.

At least you'll Have a sock to wear.

Yeah.

I'd hate to travel Without an extra sock.

When is the convention?

It starts tomorrow.

What time do we leave?

Oh, you want to go, too?

Why, you didn't think that you were Going to sneak off by yourself, did you?

I didn't ask you

Because it's a farm convention And it'll be kind of dull.

Mmm. Is it going to be as dull

As that lawyers' convention You went to in atlantic city?

What lawyers' convention?

You know, the one Where you got arrested,

For hitting the hotel Manager in the nose.

Oh, that was an accident.

I'd like to see you Ride a surfboard

Down a flight of stairs Without running into somebody.

Is this convention going To be as dull as that?

Probably.

Then I'd better come along.

You'll need somebody To bail you out.

Room 27, for mr. Carlson.

Right this way, sir.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir. We're all filled up.

No, but I have a...

I'm sorry, the hotel is Completely sold out.

We're having a Farmers convention.

I know, we're delegates.

Oh?

Yes, we're farmers.

Really?

Well, we weren't always farmers.

You see my husband Was a lawyer in new york,

But he always wanted to Get away from the rat's race

And buy a farm and plant his Little seeds in the rich brown earth

And watch them shoosting Up into the sky and...

Lisa, lisa, lisa,

You don't have to Give that speech.

Well, you always do.

I'm a farmer. I called From hooterville

And we have a Reservation for a suite.

Under what name?

Oliver wendell douglas.

Ah, yes, yes. Here we are. Oscar mendel mcdougal.

No, no. It's oscar Wendell mcdouglas.

I mean, oscar Doug... Oscar mc...

Oscar... Ol-oliver... Oliver douglas mcwendell.

While you're trying to make up your Mind, would you please step aside?

We have a long line.

I called yesterday. I Talked... Next. Yes, sir.

Do you have a reservation For oscar mendel mcdougal?

Yes, sir.

Suite 21-a for Mr. Mcdougal, please.

Next?

Uh, look, I have A reservation, I...

Under what name?

Oscar mendel mcdougal.

Lisa!

Well, you saw how easily that fellow Got a reservation under that name.

I don't have to Give a phony name.

Now please, look Through your reservations

And I'm sure you'll find one for

Oliver wendell douglas.

Yes, sir. Oliver wen...

Oh, yes, yes. That Name rings a bell.

Oliver wendell.

We have a flyer on you From a hotel in atlantic city.

A flyer?

Where's your surfboard?

What?

Broke the manager's nose, uh?

I didn't break...

Well, you should have Seen my surfboard.

Now what about our reservation?

The best I can do for you Is a room on the 8th floor.

Does it have a bath?

On the 9th floor.

You can't have a room With a disconnected bath.

We'd better take it.

Room 807.

807!

What's he got against you, mac?

Now what do we do?

Well, it's an hour before The opening session,

Why don't we mingle with Some of the delegates?

Do you know anybody here?

No, not a soul.

Ollie! Baby!

Well,

You sure make friends fast.

Well, there's some mistake.

Ollie, don't you remember me?

Boston. Harvard.

Harvard?

Oh, she was one of Your classmates.

She might have been. I can't Remember all the fellows in my class.

Ollie, don't you remember?

The boston folly!

I was the 3rd Balloon from the left.

The 3rd...

Wanda hills!

Oh!

Lisa, I want you to meet An old balloon of mine.

Uh-uh...

I'm pleased to meet you.

Who's this?

Uh, this is my wife, lisa.

Your wife?

You always told me you Weren't the marrying kind.

He told me that, too, but I didn't pay any attention.

W-w-w-what are you doing here?

I'm here for the convention.

Which convention is that?

The farmers'.

Well, what are you Doing here, ollie?

We're here for the Convention, too. I... I own a farm.

You, a farmer?

The playboy of the Boston commons.

Hey, remember the Time you got arrested,

You know, for riding your Surfboard down bunker hill?

For a fellow who doesn't like to Swim, you do an awful lot of surfing.

Ollie, you won't believe this,

But I married a farmer.

He's a great guy.

I want you to meet him.

Hey!

Charlie!

Oh, listen, uh, he doesn't know Anything about the boston follies.

He thinks I used to be a toe Dancer at the ballet rousse.

We won't say a word.

How many times do I have to tell You not to yell in public domain?

I just wanted to introduce You to a friend of mine.

Lisa!

Charlie!

No, no, she means...

You two know each other?

Of course. This is charlie.

We used to know each Other on park avenue.

Charlie's father was My mother's bootlegger.

Your mother's...

Only during prohibition.

Oh, well, that makes it...

Uh, charlie, this is My husband, oliver.

Hey, you a farmer?

Yes. Me, too. Howdy, neighbor.

Ain't it a small world?

Charlie, I mean, here you Knew lisa, and I knew ollie.

I mean,

During the days when I was a Toe dancer at the ballet rousse.

Hey, uh, what are we Standing around here for?

Why don't we go Inside and have a belt

And talk about the Good old days, huh?

No, the opening session Is just about to start.

Are you kidding? That's Nothing but a lot of speeches.

Well, I came to listen to them.

Forget it, it's dullsville.

I never listen to 'em.

What did you come here for?

It's a great tax deduction.

Shall we?

Anybody care for any More bubbly water?

Yes, please.

You know, anyway,

When I was working for My uncle in this bookie joint,

Farming was the furthest Thing from my mind.

As a matter of fact,

If we hadn't gotten raided, I'd Probably still be hustlin' debts.

Yeah, that's how charlie Got interested in farming.

When he was in stir.

In stir?

You know, the pokey.

Anyway, I was assigned To the prison farm.

Hoein', rakin', all that jazz.

And one day I said To myself. I said,

"Charlie, this is The way to live.

"Get outta that rat race, Get outta the rackets,

Get away from the fuzz."

You know, when you get sprung,

Why don't you buy Yourself a little farm?

Plant the little Seeds in the soil,

Watch the little green things pushin' Their heads up through the earth,

Reaching for the Sun, for the sky.

Ain't he poetic?

My husband always makes The same speech about the soil.

Well, not exactly. I, uh,

Don't mention, uh, the Rackets and the fuzz.

Yeah, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, when I got sprung Out I bought me a farm.

You should have seen Charlie when he saw the place.

He was like a little kid With his first tommy gun.

That's how my husband was.

Well, I never had a...

You know, it's the first time

In my whole life I was legit?

I got 5,000 acres.

5,000!

Yeah. I only started with a 100.

Then I went around to the Neighbors to try to buy some more,

But they wouldn't sell.

It was right after that

That they started to Have little troubles,

Like tractors exploding,

Hired hands having Little accidents.

Oh, isn't that sad?

Yeah, a couple of them even Found stink bombs in their wells.

Yeah, I felt pretty Sorry for 'em,

So I bought them all out At 10 cents on the dollar.

Oh, wasn't that nice of charlie?

Lisa, don't you realize...

You know how many Cows charlie has?

150 gerneys.

Guernseys, stupid. We also Got 5,000 white leghorns.

Oh, we got a lot Of chickens, too.

White leghorns is Chickens, dum-dum.

Oh, boy, that's what I get For marrying a city dame.

150 cows? Where do You market the milk?

Well there's this here dairy.

Yeah, remember all the trouble We had with them in the beginning?

Oh, yeah. I went To them and I said:

"Where do you get Your milk from?"

Well, they gave me some lip.

Well, it was right after that

That their pastulizer Sprung a little leak.

Pastulizer? Yeah, that's The thing they put the milk in.

Oh, yes, I'm very Familiar with it.

Well, I tell you, after that I had no trouble with them.

Yeah, I can understand that.

Hey, uh, how many cows you got?

We have one, eleanor.

One cow?

Yes, and we have 6 chickens.

Hey, what are you, Sharecroppers?

No, I just haven't...

Hey, pally, you need Some organization.

I'll tell you what.

I'll bring down a Couple of my boys

And we'll put you in business.

Oh, oh, no, thank you.

Darling, if charlie Wants to help you,

I think you ought to let him.

Not the way he...

No arguments. If lisa Wants it done, then it's done.

Now, why don't we Go change our duds,

And go out on the town?

Oh, oh, the meeting Is just starting.

Forget it! For the next 3 days,

We've got fun and Frolic ahead of us.

♪

You keep dancing this way and They'll throw us out of here.

I wish they would. It's 4:00 in the morning.

We're the only ones here.

Oh, come on, loosen up.

Look at your wife.

No thanks.

What happened to ollie, the Little old balloon buster?

Oh, I never busted It. And I'm tired.

You never should have Married such a young chick.

Hello, hello.

Hello.

Who was it?

Oh, I don't know. Some Joker with a water pistol.

Hello.

good morning.

it's 7:00. The temperature is 72 Degrees and rain is predicted.

Yeah, I know, I felt A couple of drops.

the symposium on fertilizers Will start promptly at 9:00.

Uh, thank you.

What's the matter? Fertilizer.

Must be some kind of a Convention going on here.

Hi, there. Hello, eb.

Welcome home. Did You have a nice time?

Don't yell in my ear.

Oh, hungover.

It must have been A great convention.

It must have been, I Didn't see any of it.

That alliance Really swings, huh?

No, no, just charlie.

Who's he?

He's one of my wife's Stir-crazy friends.

He wasn't as much A friend of mine

As the balloon dancer Was a friend of yours.

Balloon dancer?

Boy, the old alliance Ain't what it used to be.

Eb, get the bags.

Out of the car or From under your eyes?

Eb,

If I have any trouble from you,

I'm gonna have Charlie rub you out.

Huh?

Now, all we want is To sleep for 3 days.

Don't disturb us.

Good morning, good Morning, good morning.

Oh, morning. Did you sleep well?

Fine! The first decent Sleep I've had in 3 nights.

Oh, but it was fun to get Away to the restaurants

And the dancing and The goo goo clubs.

Oh, those goo goo clubs.

Are you hungry, darling?

I was. Have you Got anything else?

Mr. Douglas! Mr. Douglas!

What's the matter?

We've got company. Who?

I think it's the Governor or somebody.

It's a long black Limousine with a chauffeur.

Hold it, will you?

Hey, show a little class.

You ain't working for Frank nitty no more.

Hey, you sure this Is the right place?

Well, it must be. There's ollie.

Hi, ollie!

Oh, no, ma barker.

Hiya, pally.

How are you?

What are you doing?

It's ok, louie. He's A friend of mine.

Uh, louie here's my hired hand.

Hiyas.

"Hiyas?" what kind of Hired hand talk is that?

Oh, uh, hiyas, neighbor.

That's better.

Hello there. Hey, lis, baby.

Hi, honey. Oh, hello.

Hey, you didn't tell Me you had a kid.

He looks just Like him, don't he?

The spittin' image.

He's not the... He's Our hired hand.

Howdy, folks.

Louie, now that's Hired hand talk.

Say, would you... Would You give louie a few lessons?

Well, uh, how does $50 grab ya?

Thank ye, neighbor!

Eb, give that back here.

Say, uh, pal, level With me. Will ya?

What is all this?

This is our house!

Who done it to you? Tell Me, we'll take care of him.

Nobody done it to me. They Did it to me, uh... They didn't do it.

This is the way it was When we bought it.

Oh, you poor kid.

And all the time we were dancing, You were smiling and laughing,

Knowing you had To come back to this.

I also cried a little.

Lisa, what are you telling...

Pal, why didn't you tell me Things were so bad for you?

You should have known when he Stuck you with all those bar checks.

I didn't stick him.

Pal, we're gonna fix All of that right now.

Wanda, give her the mink.

Here, honey.

Oh, this is a good one.

Here, have a Couple of rings, too.

Oh, this is a big one.

Lisa, give back that...

Pal, I'm your friend.

Huh? What'd I say To you this morning?

Get out of the bathroom!

I mean after that. Oh, yeah.

Oh, he said he'd do Anything for you, honey,

On account of your mother Introduced all her rich friends

To his father, who Bought all his booze.

Otherwise, charlie never would Have went through college.

College? Yale.

It figures.

Well, what can we Do for you right now?

Uh, how many acres you got?

300.

300, eh? Louie, go over and Have a talk with his neighbors.

W-w-wait a second.

What else do you need? I don't need anything.

You need a new tractor.

Eb... You got it.

Now what else? How Many cows you got?

Uh, just one.

Lisa! You just got Yourself a herd.

Now what else?

I don't need anything.

Pal, why don't you let me be The best judge of that, huh?

Louie, let's go look around And see what else they need.

See ya. Oh. For...

Why don't you come inside and I'll make you something to eat.

You do your own cooking?

Yes.

Oh, you poor kid.

Here, have a bracelet.

I don't know why you're making Me send my mink coat back.

You've got a mink coat.

What about the rings And the bracelet?

You got plenty of jewelry.

I don't know why I have To send my $50 bill back.

I never had one before.

Everything goes back!

Including your new tractor?

Yes, including my...

What new tractor?

The one I found in The barn this morning.

Where did this come from?

Charlie must have sent it.

Well, I... I... I can't keep This. This is a tractor.

I mean, it's expensive. Oh, This has gotta go back.

You'll hurt charlie's feelings.

You don't want to do that.

Why don't you keep the Tractor and I'll keep the $50?

Eb!

And I'll keep the fur Coat and the jewels.

Everything has to go back!

Well, I'll be doggoned.

Mr. Drucker, I want to...

Well, I'll be doggoned.

Well, thanks for Tellin' me, carl.

How about that, mr. Douglas?

Last night, somebody broke into the Crabwell corners' tractor company

And stole a blue tractor.

Oh, that's too...

A blue... Blue...

No, blue.

Blue... Blue.

No, just one blue.

The sheriff's got an all Points bulletin out for it.

An all points bull-bull...

Boy, I'd sure hate to be the Guy that gets caught with it.

Uh... Uh, don't... Don't Forget to package my airmail.

Well, mr. Douglas, you...

Guess he ain't recovered From the convention yet.

This tractor was stolen.

Oh, charlie wouldn't Do a thing like that.

Lisa, the sheriff's been looking For a stolen blue tractor.

I got it, what am I gonna do?

How about paintin' it red?

How about keeping your big...

Ok, ok.

I'm going to call the sheriff.

My husband the stoolie.

Lisa, if they find this tractor Here, I could go to jail.

Well, it's your turn now. Charlie's already been.

What kind of a...

Well, you don't know that Charlie stole the tractor,

And you always say that According to the law,

A man is guilty till he Gets a good lawyer.

I never said...

And here you are, condemning charlie Before he eats a hearty breakfast.

It seems a shame To send this back.

It's got everything, Even a radio.

I don't care what it's got...

What's that? The cows.

What cows?

the cows that were Stolen a short while ago

from the daleville dairy farm.

Stolen?

the rustlers made Off with 30 head.

Hey, that's exactly how Many cows we got, 30.

30, 30.

the thieves also took a brand new milking Machine which was still in the crate.

Milk, milk...

Yeah, you got a milk, Milk, 30, 30 and a blue, blue.

the crime wave's spread As far as dibney's crossing,

where toll wilson reported The theft of a red combine.

We don't have to Worry about that,

The one that was Delivered is yellow.

Yellow, yellow.

along with the combine,

60 cans of yellow Paint were stolen.

Charlie wiped out the Entire valley single-handed.

here's a bulletin that Was just handed to me.

the pixley first national bank Was held up about a half hour ago.

and the robbers got away With more than $3,000 in cash.

Oliver, look what Charlie sent me.

My own bag of money.

But, oliver, I don't know why you Have to send back the coat and the ring.

Everything we got from Those two goes back.

Well, you don't even know Where to mail it, they're on the lam.

I'll send it to The state prison.

They're bound to show Up there eventually.

But, oliver... Look, I Had enough trouble

Trying to convince the sheriff that I wasn't a fence for stolen goods.

How do you know that the Coat and the rings were stolen?

That's the only way Charlie buys things.

Well, you let eb keep the $50.

Well, eb earned it, giving louie Those "Howdy neighbor" lessons.

Now, I've heard Enough of this...

Mr. Douglas, I've Been trying to get you.

Yes, what's the matter? Eb's been arrested.

What for?

For passing a Counterfeit $50 bill.

Would you mind Mailing this for us?

this has been a filmways Presentation, darling.