Original subtitles

♪ green acres is The place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

♪ new york is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ goodbye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Hey! Come back here.

I gotta put this seat...

You been gulpin' High test again.

You ought to be Ashamed of yourself.

Runnin' around Without your seat.

Say, did you hear that...

Mmm, something smells Pretty good, what is it?

Your breakfast.

What did you do? Send out for it?

Well, that's a nice way To start the morning.

Well, I didn't...

Say you're sorry.

What are you making?

Hotcakes.

I'm sorry.

What sorry is that?

The send-out-for-it sorry, Or what-I'm-making sorry?

Oh, lisa, I...

Did you say you were Making hotcakes?

Yes.

Where are they?

Right here.

What are they?

Hots kebabs.

Hots kebabs?

They are like shish kebabs

But with the shish kebabs you Put the shish on the screwer,

But with hots kebabs

You put the hots on it.

Lisa, you put that to Music you might have a hit.

Mr. Douglas, you know what?

Hey, hots kebabs.

You've seen them before?

Sure, up in pixley at Bob's hots kebabs stand.

They're a big favorite With the gourmet set.

Uh, why don't you sit Down and have one?

No, thanks, I just wanted to tell Mr. Douglas about the tractor.

Oh, is that what All the racket was?

Yes, sir. I think you oughta Come out and have a talk with it.

What?

Well, it won't listen to me.

What's wrong with it?

I think it's flipped Its cotter pin.

It chased me out of the Barn and then back in again.

You mean it was Running by itself?

Yes, sir. Oh!

That's ridiculous.

So are hots kebabs, But there they are.

Uh, what's wrong With the tractor?

I don't know. I'm No psychiatrist.

I didn't ask you what you...

You don't want a hots kebabs?

Uh, uh, no.

Are the brakes Working all right?

I never got a Chance to find out.

The seat fell off with me on it.

But I did notice there Was a piece missing.

A rod about...

Oh, about this long.

And it looked like that.

Lisa, where did You get that rod?

A friend of mine gave it to me.

Who?

Well, he's a tractor.

Lisa, did you take that rod?

Well, you wanted a hots kebabs.

I didn't say I Wanted hot kebabs.

Well, you looked Like you wanted it.

The day I look like I want...

Lisa, take those things off That rod. We gotta have the rod.

If you want the Rod, eat the kebabs.

Never, I'll buy a new one first.

It doesn't pay to be a Good cook around here.

Everybody makes fun of you.

Sam, you know we got A lot of work to do.

Yeah, can we please go home now?

We're staying here until one Of you agrees to take the job.

Well, it ain't gonna be me, I don't wanna be no judge.

Me, neither. Too dangerous.

How about you haney? You Want to be the livestock judge?

No, thanks, I got Enough enemies.

Well, we gotta have a Livestock judge for the fair.

What about roy Trendell? Why'd he resign?

Yeah, yeah, he's one of the Best judges we ever had.

All them decisions Made him nervous.

The tar and feathers didn't Do him much good neither.

Sam,

Ain't nobody gonna be Foolhardy enough to take this job.

We ain't adjourning this Meeting until we find somebody.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Meeting's adjourned.

Well, congratulations, Mr. Douglas.

Congratulations? For what?

On being elected.

You'll be the best One we ever had.

The best what?

So long, sam.

Now just a second. He hasn't accepted yet.

Wait, accepted what? I don't Know what you're talking about.

Uh, mr. Douglas,

How'd you like to be a judge?

Judge?

I don't know what to say.

How about "Yes", So we can go home?

Just let mr. Douglas Make up his own mind.

How about it, mr. Douglas?

Well-um-I'm overwhelmed. I... I... I came in here to get a...

It's kind of a connecting Rod for my tractor.

You wouldn't have Such a thing, would you?

How long is it?

Mmm, like that.

I don't have anything Like that for a tractor

But maybe this will work.

It's a hots kebabs skewer.

Yeah, that'll be...

Are you gonna take The judge job or not?

Gentlemen, I'm deeply flattered

But don't you have a judge?

Yeah, roy trendell.

Well, what about him?

He's got a few problems.

Are you sure I'm the right man?

There ain't nobody else.

Well,

If you need me.

We sure do.

Then I'll be proud to Accept the appointment.

And we'll be proud To have you accept it.

Show up in 2 weeks.

In 2 weeks?

Gentlemen,

I want you to know that I appreciate This great honor you've conferred upon me.

I realize that it carries With it a deep responsibility,

And I want you to know That I'll do my utmost

To be worthy of your trust.

Rest assured I'll Weigh every decision

Carefully and impartially.

Thank you, gentlemen, For your faith in me.

Good day.

Doggone, he sure took it big.

Yeah, I can't understand A man getting that excited

About being made judge At the livestock exhibit.

You mean you're going to Be a real "Your honor" judge?

Well, that's what They appointed me.

Oh, darling, I'm So proud of you.

When do we go to new york?

Who said anything About going to new york?

Well, if I'm going to Be mrs. Your honor

I have to buy a Whole new wardrobe.

Now wait a minute.

You don't need a new wardrobe.

Well, you have to buy one, too.

What do I need...

Don't you have to Get one of those

Long, black nightshirts Judges wear?

Those are not nightshirts, Those are, uh, robes.

Well, you can't wear Your terrycloth robe.

No, I...

Hey, it might not be a bad Idea to go to new york.

Give me the chance to Talk to judge crandall.

Yes, he can tell you where To get the judge robe.

No, no, he was my law Professor at harvard.

Is he the one who said that you would Make a better plumber than a lawyer?

No, that was professor...

Well, he was wrong.

Because you still Have to call a plumber.

Thank you.

Well, I'm only Saying what's true.

All right, what Brought this on anyway?

Well, you said you Have to go to new york

To talk to judge Crandall to get a robe.

No, no, that's what you said. I said I Wanna see judge crandall because

There's a lot to know About being a judge

And he's one of the Finest jurists in...

Well, he can help me.

Is he a good plumber?

No, that was my other professor.

Do you want to go to new york?

The suitcases are in the closet.

You know, lisa, It's a funny thing.

Ever since I first Started practicing law

I've always wanted To be a judge.

Sit up there on the bench,

Listen to the wrangling of The attorneys as they strive

With word and oratory To tip the scales of justice

In favor of their clients.

While I carefully Weigh every nuance,

Every gesture, every word.

Wow, you got a new speech.

What?

I like the other one better.

When you get away From the rats of the city

With all their races

And you buy a farm

And plant the little seeds In the rich brown earth

And watch the stalks

Shoosting up into the Sky, reaching for the sun

And the rain and the so forths.

How would you like 30 Days in the workhouse?

Just for reaching for The sun and the so forths?

For making fun of his honor.

Uh, would the judge Accept a little bribe?

Like what?

Sentence suspended.

Mother. Lisa, darling.

Hello, mother dear.

Oh, I hurried over just As soon as I got your call.

Oh, it's so good To see you again.

Get a coat on, dear, And we'll go shopping.

Oh, good.

Mother, aren't you going to Say hello to me before you go?

Hello, oliver. You're going to Need a whole new wardrobe, dear.

I know, I brought 2 empty trunks To take the things home I buy.

Only 2?

Well, in that case, the First thing we have to do

Is go shopping for Some more trunks.

Mother. Get a coat on, dear.

Hello, oliver. How Are things in slumville?

Hooterville.

Shh! Not so loud.

I told all my friends that you Are in baden-baden taking the cure.

That's a fine way to Talk about your son.

Don't say that Too loudly, either.

I've got a good mind Not to tell you the news.

News?

Huh! Is lisa?

No.

You don't even know What I was going to ask.

Well, whatever It was, she isn't.

The news is about me.

I'm going to be a judge.

Why, oliver!

Oh, I'm so proud of you.

My son, a judge.

I thought you'd be pleased.

Why, it's wonderful.

Now lisa can move in with me

And you can commute Weekends from washington.

Washington?

Well, isn't that where all the Supreme court judges work?

I haven't been appointed To the supreme court.

I'm going to serve on The bench in hooterville.

But that's horrible.

There's nothing Wrong with hooterville.

Stop saying that.

Sounds like a mating Place for owls.

Well, I'm very flattered About the appointment.

Maybe it is a small town but It can lead to bigger things.

Circuit judge, district.

Who knows to what They'll appoint me.

You fellas got a lot of Nerve giving douglas my job.

I've always been judge Of the livestock exhibit.

Take it easy, roy. We Thought you didn't want it.

Well, I do.

One more year of Judging livestock

I get promoted to bein' Judge of the beauty contest.

But, roy...

And I ain't giving up my Seniority rights to nobody.

But we've already Appointed mr. Douglas.

Well, dis-appoint him.

Well, that'll break His little heart.

He'll be lower than a Small boy on a tall ladder.

What's that mean?

It means, uh,

That he'll be shook up Like a hobo with a green tie.

Oh, haney!

Look, if he wants to be judge

Let him start at The bottom like I did.

Judging apples.

Oh, mr. Douglas ain't gonna like

Being demoted to apple judge.

I don't think he'll take it.

Well, ask him.

He's in new york.

Well, call him.

Whose gonna pay for the call?

Well, I would offer to,

But seeing it's your phone, I Don't want to hurt your feelings.

Lisa?

Lisa?

Oh, hello, darling.

What is this?

That's a message for You, I wrote it down.

"Mr. Drooker called..."

Uh, drucker.

Oh! Mr. Drucker called.

"Swatching..." uh, switching.

With an "A"?

No, that's an "Itch."

Oh, "Switching you To be a judge in the..."

"In the apples"?

There's no apples judge.

That's what I thought he said.

Apples?

Appeals.

They've appointed me to be the Judge in the court of appeals.

Is that good?

Is that good? I haven't Started work yet,

Already they're appointing Me to a higher court.

Oh, lisa, you've gotta...

You've gotta be more careful About these messages. I'm a judge now.

Apples! You make it sound Like it was a county fair!

I'm sorry, your honor.

Oh. I got another Message for you, here.

Can't even read this one.

Oh, this one I wrote in hungarian, Which is my native handwriting.

Ah, what does it say?

It says that judge crandall Will see you tomorrow at 4:00.

Oliver wendell douglas, eh?

I don't seem to...

Are you sure you Were in my class?

Well, uh, yes, your honor.

At harvard?

Yes, sir.

Douglas. Douglas.

Oh, yes. You're the fellow That was the plumber.

No, sir. That's what professor Walton said I should do.

Give up law and Become a plumber.

I'm glad you Followed his advice.

It looks like you've Done very well.

No, sir.

I didn't become a Plumber, I became a lawyer.

That's what I wanted To see you about.

You're in trouble with The bar association?

No, your honor.

I have been appointed judge Of the court of appeals.

Then the bar Association is in trouble.

Your honor!

Just ribbing. Congratulations.

I'm sure you must be Very proud of yourself.

Imagine, working your Way up from a plumber

To a judge of the Court of appeals.

Where else could this Happen except here in america?

I'm sure I don't Know, your honor,

But I thought you could show me how I might conduct myself on the bench.

You want judge lessons?

Uh, no, sir, I...

Mr. Douglas,

Nobody can teach You how to be a judge.

You're an attorney, you Should know court procedure.

You've observed Judges holding court.

Well, your honor, I'm a little rusty.

You see, I gave up my practice When I bought my farm.

You own a farm?

Why, yes, your honor.

Let me shake your hand.

All my life I've Wanted to own a farm.

To get away from the Rat race of the city,

To plant seeds,

To watch the tiny stalks...

Pushing their little green Heads up above the brown earth,

Reaching for the Sun and the sky.

The judge said that?

You ought to sue him.

He stole your speech.

Oh, it's not my speech.

I may have said something Like that, but, uh...

Well, anyway he Wasn't much help.

Didn't he give you Any judge lessons?

No.

Oh, never mind. I got A surprise for you.

Here you are, your Honor. A judge robe.

A judge...

Try it on.

There.

Oh, hey!

There is something else That goes with the gown.

What's that? It's one Of those bangers.

A banger? You know.

An order-in-the-court Banger. A gravel.

Oh, a gavel! Oh!

Go on try it.

Oh, say, thank you. Go on.

No, I don't want to.

Well, go on.

Order in the court!

Yeah?

There's something else that Goes with the gown and the banger.

Here, your wig.

Oh, lisa, they don't Wear those anymore.

Oh, yes, they do. In england.

Remember the time When you were arrested...

I wasn't arrested. They Just gave me a warning.

I couldn't get used to driving On the wrong side of the road.

Come on, try it on.

I'll look like an old beatle.

Oh, come on, try it on.

Now, hold still.

There.

Why, you look quite dashing.

Yeah, yeah?

Oh, say, say. I must have...

Oh, it's too bad they Gave up the custom.

Kind of adds, doesn't' it?

Come in!

Um, where do you want These, mrs. Douglas?

I am not mrs. Douglas.

I am mrs. Douglas.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought the old lady In the black dress was mrs. Douglas.

Where would you...

Just put them right Down there please.

Thank you, ma'am. Sir.

Thanks.

Your honor, may I Ask you a question?

What?

Is it true that Blondes have more fun?

Mmm, isn't it Wonderful to be home?

Away from new york,

With its crowds, Confusion and traffic.

Wonderful shops, Restaurants, theaters.

Oh, you can have them.

Where in new york could You get something like this?

Driving along a country road,

No traffic, no crowds.

Just the two of us.

What about handcuff harry?

Oh, for the...

Well, uh, what's Wrong, harry? Officer?

You were speeding.

You were speeding.

I just told him that.

Uh, may I see your License, please?

Uh, yes, sir.

Oh, that's not a very Good picture of him.

He's much better Looking in person.

Lisa, he knows I'm Better look... Uh...

Officer, uh,

I'm a little Embarrassed about this.

Oh, well, so am I.

Here you are, mr. Douglas.

You see, I've just Been appointed...

Darling, shouldn't He salute you?

No, he doesn't Have to salute me.

Yes, he does.

You're a judge.

So that takes care of this.

Lady!

Well, you don't give A ticket to a judge.

I'm not a judge yet.

You're going to be.

Show him your robe and your wig.

I'm not going to show him...

You folks better follow me.

Oh, officer... Just follow me.

Tore up the ticket?

I'm sorry, your Honor. Y-you see...

Mr. Douglas, you can't...

You can call him your Honor, too, your honor.

Order!

Oh, my husband has one of Those order bangers, too

He's a judge with The appeals courts.

Is that true?

Well, you see...

You want to see Him with his wig on?

His wig?

It's just a powdered wig.

Yes, I'm going to be a judge.

I was appointed judge Of the court of appeals.

May I ask who appointed you?

Uh, sam drucker.

Who is sam drucker?

He runs the general Store at hooterville.

And he app...

That'll be $10. Cash.

No, sir, your honor. I Didn't tell mr. Douglas

He was going to Be a regular judge.

He's going to be a Judge at the county fair.

He said what?

A-appeals.

Oh, that's apples. He's Going to be the apple judge.

Well, I'm sorry, your honor.

Yeah, we'll straighten him out.

Hmm.

Wonder where mr. Douglas got the Idea he was going to be a regular judge?

I don't know, sam.

I don't know sam?

Of course I know you, sam. I've known you all my life.

Haven't I?

Uh, yeah, you have.

Have what?

Known me! Who said I didn't?

Wonder why a man Like mr. Douglas

Would go around tellin' Everybody he's a judge?

Why not? He goes around Telling everybody he's a farmer.

He must have misunderstood.

How could you Misunderstand a thing like that?

Just because you got a farmhouse And a farm and a speech about

Stalks in the ground Reaching up to the sky.

Doesn't make him a farmer.

I'm talking about the fact That he misunderstood

What kind of judge He was gonna be.

Well,

Somebody better go over And straighten him out.

Yeah, they sure should. Be sure You break the news to him gently.

Right. Me?

Well, I'd go myself but I can't leave the store.

Well, ok.

It won't be easy telling a Man he's not a real judge.

Just an apple judge.

I remember the time my mother told me My pants were just imitation corduroy.

Boy! Just go tell him.

Come in!

Oh, mr. Kimball.

Oh, mr. Douglas

Do you live here?

Who do you think lives here?

Well, I was hoping Whoever it was had moved.

Uh, mr. Kimball...

Mr. Douglas, I've Got some bad news.

Well, it's not bad.

Well, it certainly isn't good.

Well, whatever it is, I'm Sorry I had to tell ya. Bye.

Wait a minute! What's the news?

I don't know. I haven't Had the radio on all day.

Anything happen?

Kimball, you came here To tell me something.

Oh, yes.

How do you feel about apples?

Apples?

You know, those round things That grow on trees with a stem.

Sometimes they put One in a pig's mouth.

I know what an apple looks like.

Good. Then you'll make a fine Apple judge at the county fair.

I don't know what Sam was worried about.

I'll tell him you took The news like a man.

Apple judge at the county...

Well, it's not the Court of appeals.

But then neither is Imitation corduroy.

Well, so long.

Mr. Kim...

Just an apple judge.

Excuse me, your honor.

You can stop calling Me "Your honor."

Oh! Now you're the governor?

Just an apple judge.

An apple judge?

Oh, how did that happen?

You know that message you gave me in New york that I thought said appeals?

Well, it was really apples.

When does court Open, your honor?

Lisa, please, stop Calling me "Your honor."

Fine judge. Apples.

Oh, don't worry, darling,

You'll work your way Up to the supreme court.

You'll start at the Bottom with apples,

Next year, tomatoes, Then squash, then cows,

Then the beauty contest,

Which I'm not Going to let you do.

Lisa, would you mind getting off The stand. I've got to get to work.

Wait a moment!

It isn't official Without your judge suit.

Oh, I'm not going to...

I'd look silly standing on A fruit stand wearing a...

Morning, your honor.

Mr. Haney.

Judge haney. Squash.

You know judge ziffel. Tomatoes.

And this here is Chief justice trendell.

Chief justice?

Livestock.

Look, fellas, if you came Here to make fun of...

Oh, judge douglas,

We sure do want to thank you.

Dressing up like this has given Our county fair a lot of class.

You've added a touch of dignity

To an otherwise drab affair.

May I, your honor?

Why not?

this has been a filmways Presentation, darling.