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♪ green acres is
The place to be ♪
2
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:36,201
♪ farm livin' is
The life for me ♪
3
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:40,172
♪ land spreadin'
Out so far and wide ♪
4
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:44,142
♪ keep manhattan, just
Give me that countryside ♪
5
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:48,247
♪ new york is where
I'd rather stay ♪
6
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:52,284
♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪
7
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:56,255
♪ I just adore a
Penthouse view ♪
8
00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:59,157
♪ darling, I love you,
But give me park avenue ♪
9
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,561
♪ the chores ♪
10
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:04,930
♪ the stores ♪
11
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:06,831
♪ fresh air ♪
12
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:08,633
♪ times square ♪
13
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:10,102
♪ you are my wife ♪
14
00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:12,004
♪ goodbye, city life ♪
15
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,740
♪ green acres, we are there ♪
16
00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:30,355
Ah, good morning, dear.
17
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,734
Good morning, darling.
18
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,158
Oh, hotcake batter?
19
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,838
No, I'm not making you
Hotcakes this morning.
20
00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:36,995
You're not?
21
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:39,042
I hope you're not
Too disappointed.
22
00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:41,599
Oh, a little bit,
But I'll get over it.
23
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,113
Oh, I could whip you up some.
24
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:45,304
No, no, no. Just
Go right ahead with
25
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:48,473
Whatever you're...
What is that mess?
26
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,108
It's a surprise.
27
00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:51,709
Uh-huh.
28
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:54,579
I wonder if I've paid up
Our hospital insurance?
29
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:55,825
What brought that up?
30
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,050
Oh, I was just noticing
That pile of, uh...
31
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:01,031
You have any
Coffee? On the stove.
32
00:02:01,055 --> 00:02:02,187
Thank you.
33
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:13,565
Lisa, wha...
34
00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:16,593
Oh, it always does that
When the coffee spills over.
35
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,978
I guess it also spilled over
On the cups and saucers.
36
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:27,745
No, that's glue.
37
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,859
I did that to keep the
Cup and saucer together.
38
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,294
So if you break the cup,
39
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,029
The saucer goes, too. Like that,
40
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:37,389
At the end of the day, it comes
Out even with cups and saucers.
41
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,958
Oh, yeah, well, I guess
That's a lot neater
42
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:42,894
Than having a lot of
Odd cups and saucers.
43
00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:51,736
Lisa,
44
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:55,374
Uh, I know you want
To keep it a surprise,
45
00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:57,142
But what are you doing?
46
00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,444
I'm making you homemade bread.
47
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:02,447
Homemade bread?
48
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:05,317
Yes, I had a little trouble
With the cookbook.
49
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:08,198
They didn't explain how to
Put the bread in the wrapper,
50
00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:10,489
But I figured that out.
51
00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:12,624
You're gonna bake the
Bread in the wrapper?
52
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,759
Of course. Did you know
53
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:17,595
That you can't buy
Empty bread wrappers?
54
00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:18,664
You can't?
55
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,098
No.
56
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:22,767
So I had to buy 10 of these
With the bread in them.
57
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:25,137
What did you do with
The loaves of bread?
58
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,705
Oh, I'm saving it
To stuff a turkey.
59
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,442
Oh.
60
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:33,056
Do you know where we
Can buy a 10-loaf turkey?
61
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,513
A 10...
62
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:37,749
Lisa, when are you going
To learn how to cook right?
63
00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:39,217
Stop yelling.
64
00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:40,618
I have a right to yell.
65
00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:41,797
This...
66
00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:43,588
One morning you don't
Get your hotcakes,
67
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,057
And you turn into be a beast.
68
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,202
That's not true.
69
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,870
I'm more of a beast
When I get them.
70
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,762
Just for that. No
Homemade bread.
71
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,967
Lisa. Lisa, wait a minute.
72
00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:59,337
Lisa, where are you?
73
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,106
I'm not going to tell you.
74
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:02,874
Oh, boy.
75
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:07,379
Now what do you
Think you're doing?
76
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:08,491
I'm going away.
77
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:09,781
Where?
78
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:11,528
Anywhere they
Appreciate my cooking.
79
00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,751
Well, you're in for
A very long one...
80
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:16,921
Please, sit down.
Look, I apologize.
81
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:19,302
It isn't that I don't appreciate
What you're trying to do.
82
00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:21,359
It's just that you don't
Know what you're doing.
83
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,039
I'll take a trunk, too.
84
00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:26,231
No, no, wait. No, no, no,
No, no, wait, wait. Shh.
85
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:29,334
Now, lisa, when I married
You, I knew you couldn't cook.
86
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:32,337
So you married me for my money.
87
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,372
You didn't have any money.
88
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:37,109
Well, you finally
Threw that up to me.
89
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:40,044
I didn't marry you for your
Cooking, or for your money.
90
00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:41,857
Then why did you marry me?
91
00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:43,381
I like girls.
92
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,550
Well, at least you're honest.
93
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,086
Lisa, the fact that
You try to cook
94
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:50,188
Shows that you'd
Like to be a good cook.
95
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:52,297
It's just that you have
Nobody to teach you.
96
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:54,092
Well, who can do that?
97
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:57,429
Well, I-I'm sure they've got a domestic
Science class at hooterville high.
98
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,542
Might be a good idea
For you to look into that.
99
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,411
All right, if that's
What you want.
100
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:03,701
It can't hurt. All right.
101
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:06,104
Oliver, I have a
Confession to make.
102
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:09,073
When I was taking my suitcase,
I wasn't really going to leave.
103
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:11,053
I just wanted to shake you up.
104
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,977
Well, I was real shook.
105
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,112
You were?
106
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,281
But not nearly as
Much as when I saw you
107
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:18,683
Try to shove that dough
Into the bread wrapper.
108
00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:21,253
Oliver.
109
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,930
Take it easy, mac,
I'm not finished yet.
110
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,370
Oh, are you all right?
111
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:40,172
Yes, ma'am, I'm fine.
112
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,341
Excuse me, could you tell me
Where the headmaster's office is?
113
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:46,411
Huh? You know, the fellow
That runs the school.
114
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,946
Oh, you mean the
Principal, "Sourpuss."
115
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,683
Yeah, it's, uh, right
Over there. Thank you.
116
00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:53,117
That's ok.
117
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,857
Oh, good morning.
118
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,160
Are you the principal sourpuss?
119
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,197
My name is russell.
120
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:07,265
But one of the boys
Said that your name...
121
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:08,574
Oh, one of the boys?
122
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:09,901
Do you remember which one?
123
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,536
No.
124
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:13,550
Well, won't you
Sit down, mrs., uh...
125
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,873
Uh, douglas. Oliver
Wendell douglas.
126
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:17,709
But everybody calls me lisa.
127
00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:19,822
Do you have a son or
Daughter in our school?
128
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:20,846
No.
129
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,514
Then how can I help you?
130
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:25,650
My husband wants me to take
A course in domestic sinus.
131
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,620
Sinus? Science.
132
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:32,090
Well, whatever it is,
As long as it's cooking.
133
00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:33,658
Where do I go?
134
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,605
Well, you have to enroll first.
135
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:37,429
Well, how do you do that?
136
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:41,399
Just fill out one of these
Applications. Your address, name, age...
137
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:42,734
Age?
138
00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:45,803
Do you have one with
Different questions?
139
00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:48,206
Well, you can just
Put down 21 plus.
140
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,942
I was going to put down minus.
141
00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:54,145
Why don't you just answer the
Questions as close as you can
142
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:56,414
And we'll see if we
Can get you started.
143
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,697
I wonder if any
Of the other kids
144
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:02,632
Get a kiss like this when
They come home from school.
145
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:03,755
Well, I...
146
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:05,134
Maybe I'll come
Earlier tomorrow.
147
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,869
Look, look, look.
Maybe I won't even go.
148
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,260
Lisa, lisa, please.
149
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,094
What took you so long?
150
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:11,896
You were just
Supposed to enroll.
151
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:15,333
I had to take an entrance exam
For the domestic sinus class.
152
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:16,635
Oh, science.
153
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:19,937
Yes, I had to show them
Everything I know how to cook.
154
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:21,205
You didn't make...
155
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:22,652
Yes, that's why I took so long.
156
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,909
They had to send up
To the chemistry class
157
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,858
For something to take
My batter off the girdle.
158
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,516
In other words, you
Didn't get into the class.
159
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:34,786
Yes, only I have to
Start from the beginning.
160
00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:37,522
Well, I thought they'd put
You back further than that.
161
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:38,790
Oliver,
162
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:40,124
A school child is supposed
163
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:42,460
To get encouragement
From her parent,
164
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,796
Even if he is her husband.
165
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,766
I'm sorry. Uh, what
Time is your class?
166
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:48,900
Which one?
167
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,736
Your domestic sinus...
Uh, science class.
168
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,450
Oh, well, I've my
Program right here.
169
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:58,009
It's at, uh, at 2:00,
Right after algebra.
170
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,144
Algebra?
171
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,013
You're taking...
Besides algebra,
172
00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:04,683
I have chemistry,
English literature,
173
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:07,385
Ancient history and lunch.
174
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:10,288
Lisa, what are you taking
All those subjects for?
175
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:12,791
I have to carry
At least 16 units.
176
00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:15,660
Otherwise, I can be drafted.
177
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:19,431
Oh, a couple of years
In the army might...
178
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,999
Lisa, drop those other subjects.
179
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:23,368
I can't.
180
00:08:23,437 --> 00:08:26,582
You have to carry a full
Program, otherwise you can't go.
181
00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:29,708
Oh, all right. Well, just
Concentrate on domestic science then.
182
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,487
Learn to cook as
Quickly as you can.
183
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,379
So we won't have to eat
Any more of those horrible...
184
00:08:34,448 --> 00:08:36,514
Horrible what, harry?
185
00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:38,683
Uh, uh, I didn't
Mean it that way.
186
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:41,872
No, I meant so we wouldn't have to
Force down any more of that soggy...
187
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,756
You did it again, humphrey.
188
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:45,825
Lisa, I...
189
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,603
Every time you open your mouth,
190
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:49,894
You put your foot into it.
191
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,564
Well, I've gotta eat something
With some substance to it.
192
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,098
I'm getting beriberi.
193
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:56,334
Well, meyer.
194
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:59,337
If you're planning to show up
With your cold feets tonight,
195
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:00,406
Forget it.
196
00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:03,007
Lisa.
197
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,542
Lisa.
198
00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,711
Oh, lisa.
199
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,813
Oh, lisa.
200
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,949
Just for that you can
Iron your own mini blouse.
201
00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,155
Oliver.
202
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,624
Oliver, get up.
203
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:22,594
Oh, lisa, lisa, please,
You've been at it all night.
204
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:25,196
It was just a joke
About the hotcake.
205
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,465
It's 6:00.6:00?
206
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,233
What are you doing up so early?
207
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,335
I have to go to school.
208
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:32,871
Oh, yeah, yeah.
209
00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:34,972
Well I'll see you when
You get back. Goodbye.
210
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:38,109
Lisa! Lisa!
211
00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:40,311
You're making me seasick.
212
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,625
Oliver, you have to
Drive me to school!
213
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:45,683
No, no, you can
Take the car. It's...
214
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:48,386
Oh, you don't know how to drive.
215
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,304
I have to find
Something to wear.
216
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,361
What about this one?
217
00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:58,830
Yeah, that'd be fine
218
00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:01,019
If you're attending
A bartender's class.
219
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:05,102
Not this one. This one.
220
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:06,171
Great.
221
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:11,621
Do you think this is too
Much to wear to high school?
222
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:14,078
No. They won't think it's real.
223
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:16,748
They'll think you got it
Out of an iron claw machine.
224
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:18,082
What's that?
225
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:20,151
Well, it's a machine
Where you put a dime in
226
00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:21,553
And the iron claw goes...
227
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:26,157
You can't buy a ring
Like this for a dime.
228
00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:27,826
No, I didn't think you could.
229
00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:30,655
My father laid out an awful
Lot of drachmas for this.
230
00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:32,442
Do you know how
Much that is in money?
231
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:33,498
Hmm?
232
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:34,833
It was his class ring.
233
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,234
His class ring?
234
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:40,404
Mmm-hmm. He went to u.C.B.
235
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,607
University of
California at budapest.
236
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,075
When the war started,
237
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:46,511
He smuggled it out
In a jar of chicken fat.
238
00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:48,691
That's why it slides
Off and on so easy.
239
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:52,383
Lisa, it's... It's 6:00
In the morning.
240
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:55,152
I'm not in any mood for
This nonsensical chatter.
241
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:57,622
Now get dressed or you'll
Have to walk to school.
242
00:10:57,691 --> 00:11:01,258
Well, meyer, guess whose feet
Are going to be cold again tonight?
243
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,236
So my father
244
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:14,672
Put this in the
Jar of chicken fat
245
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,418
So he could smuggle
It by the nazis
246
00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:18,576
Who were much more
Interested in heiling
247
00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:20,255
Than searching chicken fat.
248
00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:23,047
Girls, will you please
Take your seats now?
249
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:26,951
Oh, mrs. Hockmeister, I was just
Showing them my chicken fat ring.
250
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,020
Some other time, mrs. Douglas.
251
00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:31,288
Now, girls, all take
Your seats, please.
252
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:39,597
This domestic science
Course is very important,
253
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,900
So I want you to pay attention.
254
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:43,412
You'll find that in later years
255
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,715
When you're married, that
The things you've learned here
256
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:47,872
Will be extremely valuable.
257
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:50,041
You've always heard that the way
258
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:52,149
To a man's heart is
Through his stomach.
259
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,178
Yes.
260
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:56,480
There are other ways.
261
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,149
Mrs. Douglas.
262
00:11:58,217 --> 00:11:59,383
Such as
263
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:02,119
Telling him that everything
You buy is on sale,
264
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:04,022
Never using his razor,
265
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:07,358
And if he falls off his polo
Pony, you mustn't laugh.
266
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,540
Because if you laugh,
It doesn't matter
267
00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:12,263
What good a cook you are...
268
00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:13,543
Thank you, mrs. Douglas.
269
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:15,310
I'm sure the girls
Will remember that.
270
00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:17,769
You're welcome,
Mrs. Hockmeister.
271
00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:18,903
Now then.
272
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,772
Can I say just one more thing?
273
00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:22,674
What?
274
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,220
The most important thing is
To marry a man who loves you.
275
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:26,510
Because if he loves you,
276
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:28,079
You can get away with murder.
277
00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:29,714
I don't know how to cook,
278
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,215
But mr. Douglas loves me,
279
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:34,085
And I have more diamonds
Than any of my friends
280
00:12:34,153 --> 00:12:35,920
Who are better cooks than I am.
281
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,723
Also emeralds.
282
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:41,626
Girls, will you please
Open your books to page 7.
283
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:43,661
There are a few other
Things about marriage
284
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,675
That they don't write
About in cookbooks.
285
00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:48,232
Mrs. Douglas!
286
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:51,302
What do you mean my wife
Is a disrupting influence?
287
00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:54,283
Well, for one thing that
Big diamond your wife wears.
288
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,908
Oh, that's a family heirloom.
289
00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:59,143
That's her father's class ring.
290
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,444
Class?
291
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,714
Well, it is kind
Of crazy, but, uh...
292
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:06,017
Then the whole
Family is kind of, uh...
293
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:08,497
They'd have to be to think
Of smuggling a thing like that
294
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:09,787
In a jar of chicken fat.
295
00:13:10,724 --> 00:13:11,889
Yes.
296
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,838
All right, I'll tell her
Not to wear the ring.
297
00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:15,159
Just a moment, please.
298
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:16,639
There are a few other things.
299
00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:17,996
Oh?
300
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:20,431
Our students are here
To listen to the teacher,
301
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,066
Not your wife regaling them
302
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,770
With stories about your
Inability to stay on a polo pony.
303
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:26,938
A polo...
304
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:30,975
Did she tell them
About the time I fell off?
305
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,677
Yes, she did.
306
00:13:32,746 --> 00:13:34,779
Mr. Douglas, your
Wife also gave the girls
307
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:37,259
A brief discourse
On married life.
308
00:13:37,283 --> 00:13:39,851
Most of which had
Nothing to do with cooking.
309
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,385
She didn't!
310
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:42,694
All in good taste,
311
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,299
Nothing the
Superintendent of schools
312
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:46,624
Could take umbrage with, but...
313
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:48,392
I understand.
314
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,628
I'll have a talk with her.
315
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:51,857
Thank you.
316
00:13:58,938 --> 00:14:01,673
Oliver, if you're
Stopping here to smooch,
317
00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:03,507
This is the wrong place.
318
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,376
We're not stopping to smooch.
319
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:07,845
All the other kids go
Down the side road...
320
00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:10,048
I don't care where
The other kids go.
321
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:11,649
Neither do I.
322
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:14,752
Lisa, we're not gonna smooch,
We're gonna talk about school.
323
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:17,221
Oh, it's father-son time.
324
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:18,622
It's husband-wife time.
325
00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:21,425
Then we are going to smooch.
326
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:24,062
Now, for the first time
Since we've been married,
327
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:25,797
I'm ashamed of you.
328
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:27,598
Oliver.
329
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:28,833
I am.
330
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:30,935
I've had to go to
The principal's office
331
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:33,337
Because my wife
Won't behave in class.
332
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,339
I'm sorry.
333
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:36,819
It's unfair to the
Other children.
334
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,509
They come there to learn,
335
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,845
Not to hear you
Tell wild stories
336
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,847
About me falling
Off my polo pony.
337
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:46,236
I was going to bring your polo
Mallet for show-and-tell time.
338
00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:47,451
Show-and-tell?
339
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,998
Where you bring
Something from home
340
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:52,890
And you show it to the other
Kids and you tell them about it.
341
00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:56,260
Lisa, just pay attention
To the teacher.
342
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,662
Well, she was talking
About marriage and cooking,
343
00:14:58,732 --> 00:14:59,997
And I told her
344
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,366
That I don't know how to
Cook, but you still like me.
345
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:03,935
Well, that's very...
346
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:06,904
Maybe I should take you
For show-and-tell time.
347
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:09,107
I don't want ever to
Have to school again.
348
00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:11,575
Even if I forget
My gym bloomers?
349
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,745
Not for any reason.
350
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:16,447
Well, you won't have to
Come to school anymore.
351
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:17,414
Good.
352
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,628
Except to drive me
And the other kids.
353
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:20,785
What other kids?
354
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:24,155
I got you into the car pool
With the other mothers.
355
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:25,990
I'm not gonna
Drive a bunch of...
356
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:28,137
Well, you only have
To do it for one term,
357
00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:30,327
Then the other
Mothers take over.
358
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:32,363
All right, I'll do it.
359
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,366
But only as long as you promise
To behave yourself in class.
360
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,135
All right, I promise. Good.
361
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:43,719
With an "H", with an h-o-o,
362
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:46,377
Hooterville, hooterville,
Hooterville, go!
363
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,345
Yay!
364
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:49,654
Will you stop that racket!
365
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:52,750
Come on, now,
Everybody out. Out!
366
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:56,520
Lisa, it was real nice of
Your father to give us a ride.
367
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:59,423
I am not her father, I'm her...
368
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,959
Darling, don't forget
To pick us up at 3:00.
369
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,241
What's the matter?
370
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,702
You've never seen a father
Kiss her husband before?
371
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:15,106
I have to go. Goodbye, darling.
372
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,678
Mr. Douglas! Mr. Douglas!
373
00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:21,779
What's the matter?
374
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:24,615
I forgot my lunch! Thank you.
375
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:29,620
Goodbye.
376
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,956
Is your husband
Always such a grouch?
377
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:35,159
No, he's just mad because he
Had to go to the principal's office.
378
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:36,493
What a drip!
379
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:38,642
That's not a nice thing
To say about the principal.
380
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,664
No, I mean your husband.
381
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:42,900
Oh, yes.
382
00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:44,546
There's the 2nd bell.
383
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:45,815
Hey, what's your first class?
384
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:46,871
Chemistry.
385
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,880
My wife blew what window out?
386
00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:57,614
The chemistry lab.
387
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,283
Was anybody hurt?
388
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,320
No, but there was a lot
Of smoke and a lot of noise,
389
00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:06,590
And, uh, the building hasn't smelled
Too good for the last couple of hours.
390
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:07,859
That wasn't her fault.
391
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:09,872
She had no business
Being in that class.
392
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,062
I'd like to meet the idiot
393
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:12,875
That suggested that
She take chemistry.
394
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,065
How do you do?
395
00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:16,533
How do you... You're the idiot.
396
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:17,902
I'm sorry.
397
00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:20,504
How did it happen?
398
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,840
Well, your wife had
A run in her stocking.
399
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,909
How did that blow
The window out?
400
00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:27,098
Calm down and I'll tell you.
401
00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:30,114
See, she had a run in her
Stocking and she wet her finger.
402
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,884
Boy who was next to her
403
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:37,488
Pouring nitric acid, looked over
And poured it into the wrong test-tube.
404
00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:39,257
You saw the window.
405
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:40,557
Why do you call me in?
406
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:41,971
Why not get that
Kid's parents in
407
00:17:41,995 --> 00:17:43,638
And ask him to
Explain what he's doing
408
00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:45,829
Looking at my wife's legs.
409
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,798
Mr. Douglas, have you forgotten
410
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,300
When you were 17?
411
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:51,735
When I was 17, I did...
412
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:54,872
Well, yes, I did.
413
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,442
Now don't you think
It would be advisable
414
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:00,912
If you took your
Wife out of school?
415
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:03,114
Absolutely not.
416
00:18:03,182 --> 00:18:05,416
I'm a tax payer. I
Pay school taxes.
417
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:08,252
If my wife wants to go to
School, she has every right to.
418
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,887
Yes, she has, but...
419
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,488
Look, please,
420
00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:14,125
I promise you, you'll have
No more trouble with her.
421
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:19,330
Now, today we are going to examine
The austro-hungarian monarchy.
422
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:22,533
I can help you with that,
Because I come from hungary.
423
00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,068
Most people don't know that
424
00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:26,670
Because I don't speak
With an accident anymore.
425
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:28,306
Mrs. Douglas, do you mind?
426
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,875
The austro-hungarian monarchy
427
00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:34,412
Was ruled by the
House of hapsburg.
428
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:35,557
The house...
429
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:36,780
It wasn't really a house,
430
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:39,917
It was a big castle
On top of a hill.
431
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:43,887
The hapsburg house
Refers to the hapsburg line.
432
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,190
And it was a pretty
Good line, too.
433
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:49,893
My grandmother went
Out with one of them,
434
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:52,096
And of all the fellows
She ever went out with,
435
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:55,566
He was the only one she
Ever had to pull the hatpin on.
436
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:57,801
Yes, well...
437
00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:59,570
She stuck him in the carriage.
438
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:04,508
Oh, not his carriage,
The horse's carriage.
439
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:07,644
What do you mean my wife was
Rewriting the history of hungary?
440
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:11,382
Her facts didn't exactly
Jibe with the teacher's.
441
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:14,551
Well, she comes from hungary.
442
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:16,820
Maybe she knows more
About it than the teacher.
443
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,356
Oh, one of those.
444
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:20,791
Your child knows
More than the teacher.
445
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:24,061
I am not her child.
I... She... Well, she...
446
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:25,140
Mr. Douglas.
447
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,530
All right.
448
00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:29,500
I'll have another talk with her.
449
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:31,602
So you know more than
The history teacher?
450
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:33,237
Only about hungary.
451
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:34,306
Lisa.
452
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:36,540
Some of my best
Friends are hungarian.
453
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,409
Including my mother.
454
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:40,844
Well, you won't have to
Worry about this class anymore,
455
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,313
Because they've dropped you.
456
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,081
Good.
457
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:47,229
That'll give me time to take
A course in driver's training.
458
00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:48,319
Driver...
459
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,820
You mean with a car?
460
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:52,423
Yes, then when I get
My driver's license,
461
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:55,192
You won't have to
Car pool anymore.
462
00:19:55,261 --> 00:19:57,461
Well, if you learn to
Drive as well as cook,
463
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,975
Then this whole high school
Thing would have been worthwhile.
464
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:00,898
Good.
465
00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:02,500
Now can we smooch?
466
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:05,202
When you're a senior.
467
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,243
All right, fasten
Your seat belt.
468
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,311
Now, uh, do you know
How to start a car?
469
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,546
No.
470
00:20:15,614 --> 00:20:17,281
Well, do you know what this is?
471
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:18,849
Well, it looks like a key,
472
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:21,152
But I bet it's a trick question.
473
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,153
No.
474
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,620
It's a key.
475
00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:26,057
And it goes in right here.
476
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:29,326
And I all you have to do to
Start the motor is to turn the key.
477
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,262
Oh, not yet.
478
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:34,231
First of all, do you
Know what these are?
479
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,934
"P", "R", "N", "D", "L".
480
00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:39,303
Oh, yes. That's a per-nern-dle.
481
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,206
My husband has a
Per-nern-dle on his car, too.
482
00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:46,910
Yes, every car should
Have a per-nern-dle.
483
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:51,082
Now, the motor won't start
Unless the indicator is at "P",
484
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:52,683
Which stands for "Park",
485
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:54,452
Or "N", which means "Neutral".
486
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,820
Can I use either?
Yes, of course.
487
00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:58,456
"P" or "N".
488
00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:00,536
You know, that's why I
Never learned how to drive.
489
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,880
You have to make
So many decisions.
490
00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:05,629
Well, let's try "N".
491
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:07,431
I like "P" better.
492
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:08,899
All right.
493
00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:10,701
Uh, you can turn the key now.
494
00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:15,506
Let go!
495
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:17,208
Won't the motor stop?
496
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,342
No.
497
00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:20,912
Look,
498
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,214
When the motor starts,
You release the key.
499
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,082
You didn't tell me that.
500
00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:27,951
Well, I thought you'd
Have sense enough to...
501
00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:32,022
Can I call my husband and
Tell him to come and watch me?
502
00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:35,292
No, all we're gonna do
Is drive around the block.
503
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,228
I hope.
504
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:40,498
Now, to put the car in
Gear we move the arrow.
505
00:21:40,566 --> 00:21:41,806
What arrow?
506
00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:43,800
On the per-nern-dle!
507
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:45,314
Look, if you want to go forward,
508
00:21:45,338 --> 00:21:47,238
Where would you
Move the arrow to?
509
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:49,072
Forward. "F".
510
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:51,275
There is no "F".
511
00:21:51,344 --> 00:21:53,777
Then we can't go forward.
512
00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:56,647
We can if we put it on "D".
513
00:21:56,715 --> 00:21:59,350
Forward doesn't
Start with a "D".
514
00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:03,587
All right. That's
Right, it doesn't.
515
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:05,389
Look, we'll try backing up.
516
00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:07,402
Now where would you
Put the arrow to do that?
517
00:22:07,426 --> 00:22:09,738
That's another one that's
Going to be hard to do.
518
00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:12,329
There is no "B" on here either.
519
00:22:12,398 --> 00:22:14,632
Let's try "R" for reverse.
520
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:16,233
What direction is that?
521
00:22:17,303 --> 00:22:18,669
Just a second.
522
00:22:22,107 --> 00:22:24,107
We're gonna have to
Back up to get out of here.
523
00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:26,343
So we won't run into
The girls' shower room.
524
00:22:26,412 --> 00:22:29,513
So put the arrow next to "R".
525
00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:32,383
Then look back to see
That everything's clear.
526
00:22:32,451 --> 00:22:35,586
Now slowly step on the gas.
527
00:22:44,897 --> 00:22:46,297
She didn't!
528
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:47,831
She did.
529
00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:49,066
Was she hurt?
530
00:22:49,134 --> 00:22:51,046
Fortunately, nobody was hurt.
531
00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:52,469
Thank goodness.
532
00:22:52,538 --> 00:22:55,872
Mr. Douglas, I think we had
Better sit down and talk.
533
00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:00,712
Hello, dear.
534
00:23:00,746 --> 00:23:01,978
Lisa.
535
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:04,248
That's a good-looking
Outfit you're wearing.
536
00:23:04,317 --> 00:23:05,482
Is it new?
537
00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:06,850
Lisa.
538
00:23:06,919 --> 00:23:10,254
Uh, I think... I think
We'd better have to
539
00:23:10,323 --> 00:23:11,589
Have a little talk.
540
00:23:11,657 --> 00:23:12,789
Oh.
541
00:23:12,858 --> 00:23:14,903
You heard about the
Car in the shower room.
542
00:23:14,927 --> 00:23:16,694
Yes.
543
00:23:16,762 --> 00:23:19,040
You can't keep a thing
Like that a secret.
544
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:20,163
No.
545
00:23:20,233 --> 00:23:21,632
Lisa,
546
00:23:21,701 --> 00:23:24,000
I just had a talk
With the principal.
547
00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:26,069
And you've been expelled.
548
00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:28,016
And I've only been here 3 days.
549
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,640
Isn't that wonderful?
550
00:23:30,409 --> 00:23:32,409
Expelled means kicked out.
551
00:23:33,212 --> 00:23:34,678
Oh.
552
00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:36,079
It's not wonderful.
553
00:23:36,148 --> 00:23:38,081
No.
554
00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:40,718
Well, I didn't fit in
Here too well anyway.
555
00:23:40,786 --> 00:23:43,153
A lot of the kids are
Younger than I am.
556
00:23:44,056 --> 00:23:45,956
Yeah.
557
00:23:46,024 --> 00:23:48,592
I'm sorry I didn't learn
How to cook for you.
558
00:23:48,661 --> 00:23:51,061
I guess you're stuck
With my hotcakes.
559
00:23:51,130 --> 00:23:52,529
Oh, that's all right.
560
00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:54,831
That way I'm the
Only one in danger,
561
00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:57,635
Not a whole school
Full of innocent children.
562
00:23:57,703 --> 00:23:59,870
Oliver, you're a brave man.
563
00:24:01,474 --> 00:24:03,274
Well, let's go home.
564
00:24:05,878 --> 00:24:07,711
You want me to drive you?
565
00:24:09,014 --> 00:24:10,714
Come on.
566
00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:12,026
Oh, oh. Wait a moment.
567
00:24:12,050 --> 00:24:13,428
I have to clear out my locker.
568
00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:14,851
I left my pompons in there.
569
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,120
Oh, well... Your pompons?
570
00:24:17,189 --> 00:24:19,134
It was going to be a surprise,
571
00:24:19,158 --> 00:24:22,070
But they made me the
Cheerleader of the football team.
572
00:24:22,094 --> 00:24:24,762
You're the, uh, "Rah,
Rah, rah, sis, boom, bah"?
573
00:24:24,830 --> 00:24:26,997
No, no. Ours goes this way.
574
00:24:27,065 --> 00:24:29,533
With an "H", with
An "H", with an o-o-o.
575
00:24:29,602 --> 00:24:32,068
With a "T", with a
"T", with an e-r-v.
576
00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:34,505
Hootersville! Hootersville!
577
00:24:34,573 --> 00:24:35,939
That's for me!
578
00:24:43,449 --> 00:24:46,350
Well, like I always said, she
Has a lot of betty boop in her.
579
00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:26,869
this has been a filmways
Presentation, darling.
38764
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