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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:32,264 ♪ green acres is The place to be ♪ 2 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:36,201 ♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪ 3 00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:40,172 ♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪ 4 00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:44,142 ♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪ 5 00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:48,247 ♪ new york is where I'd rather stay ♪ 6 00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:52,284 ♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪ 7 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:56,255 ♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪ 8 00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:59,157 ♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪ 9 00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,561 ♪ the chores ♪ 10 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:04,930 ♪ the stores ♪ 11 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:06,831 ♪ fresh air ♪ 12 00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:08,633 ♪ times square ♪ 13 00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:10,102 ♪ you are my wife ♪ 14 00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:12,004 ♪ goodbye, city life ♪ 15 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,740 ♪ green acres, we are there ♪ 16 00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:30,355 Ah, good morning, dear. 17 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,734 Good morning, darling. 18 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,158 Oh, hotcake batter? 19 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,838 No, I'm not making you Hotcakes this morning. 20 00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:36,995 You're not? 21 00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:39,042 I hope you're not Too disappointed. 22 00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:41,599 Oh, a little bit, But I'll get over it. 23 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,113 Oh, I could whip you up some. 24 00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:45,304 No, no, no. Just Go right ahead with 25 00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:48,473 Whatever you're... What is that mess? 26 00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,108 It's a surprise. 27 00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:51,709 Uh-huh. 28 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:54,579 I wonder if I've paid up Our hospital insurance? 29 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:55,825 What brought that up? 30 00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,050 Oh, I was just noticing That pile of, uh... 31 00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:01,031 You have any Coffee? On the stove. 32 00:02:01,055 --> 00:02:02,187 Thank you. 33 00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:13,565 Lisa, wha... 34 00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:16,593 Oh, it always does that When the coffee spills over. 35 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,978 I guess it also spilled over On the cups and saucers. 36 00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:27,745 No, that's glue. 37 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,859 I did that to keep the Cup and saucer together. 38 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,294 So if you break the cup, 39 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,029 The saucer goes, too. Like that, 40 00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:37,389 At the end of the day, it comes Out even with cups and saucers. 41 00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,958 Oh, yeah, well, I guess That's a lot neater 42 00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:42,894 Than having a lot of Odd cups and saucers. 43 00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:51,736 Lisa, 44 00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:55,374 Uh, I know you want To keep it a surprise, 45 00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:57,142 But what are you doing? 46 00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,444 I'm making you homemade bread. 47 00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:02,447 Homemade bread? 48 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:05,317 Yes, I had a little trouble With the cookbook. 49 00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:08,198 They didn't explain how to Put the bread in the wrapper, 50 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:10,489 But I figured that out. 51 00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:12,624 You're gonna bake the Bread in the wrapper? 52 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,759 Of course. Did you know 53 00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:17,595 That you can't buy Empty bread wrappers? 54 00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:18,664 You can't? 55 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,098 No. 56 00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:22,767 So I had to buy 10 of these With the bread in them. 57 00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:25,137 What did you do with The loaves of bread? 58 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,705 Oh, I'm saving it To stuff a turkey. 59 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,442 Oh. 60 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:33,056 Do you know where we Can buy a 10-loaf turkey? 61 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,513 A 10... 62 00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:37,749 Lisa, when are you going To learn how to cook right? 63 00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:39,217 Stop yelling. 64 00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:40,618 I have a right to yell. 65 00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:41,797 This... 66 00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:43,588 One morning you don't Get your hotcakes, 67 00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,057 And you turn into be a beast. 68 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,202 That's not true. 69 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,870 I'm more of a beast When I get them. 70 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,762 Just for that. No Homemade bread. 71 00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,967 Lisa. Lisa, wait a minute. 72 00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:59,337 Lisa, where are you? 73 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,106 I'm not going to tell you. 74 00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:02,874 Oh, boy. 75 00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:07,379 Now what do you Think you're doing? 76 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:08,491 I'm going away. 77 00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:09,781 Where? 78 00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:11,528 Anywhere they Appreciate my cooking. 79 00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,751 Well, you're in for A very long one... 80 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:16,921 Please, sit down. Look, I apologize. 81 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:19,302 It isn't that I don't appreciate What you're trying to do. 82 00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:21,359 It's just that you don't Know what you're doing. 83 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,039 I'll take a trunk, too. 84 00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:26,231 No, no, wait. No, no, no, No, no, wait, wait. Shh. 85 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:29,334 Now, lisa, when I married You, I knew you couldn't cook. 86 00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:32,337 So you married me for my money. 87 00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,372 You didn't have any money. 88 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:37,109 Well, you finally Threw that up to me. 89 00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:40,044 I didn't marry you for your Cooking, or for your money. 90 00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:41,857 Then why did you marry me? 91 00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:43,381 I like girls. 92 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,550 Well, at least you're honest. 93 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,086 Lisa, the fact that You try to cook 94 00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:50,188 Shows that you'd Like to be a good cook. 95 00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:52,297 It's just that you have Nobody to teach you. 96 00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:54,092 Well, who can do that? 97 00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:57,429 Well, I-I'm sure they've got a domestic Science class at hooterville high. 98 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,542 Might be a good idea For you to look into that. 99 00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,411 All right, if that's What you want. 100 00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:03,701 It can't hurt. All right. 101 00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:06,104 Oliver, I have a Confession to make. 102 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:09,073 When I was taking my suitcase, I wasn't really going to leave. 103 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:11,053 I just wanted to shake you up. 104 00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,977 Well, I was real shook. 105 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,112 You were? 106 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,281 But not nearly as Much as when I saw you 107 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:18,683 Try to shove that dough Into the bread wrapper. 108 00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:21,253 Oliver. 109 00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,930 Take it easy, mac, I'm not finished yet. 110 00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,370 Oh, are you all right? 111 00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:40,172 Yes, ma'am, I'm fine. 112 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,341 Excuse me, could you tell me Where the headmaster's office is? 113 00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:46,411 Huh? You know, the fellow That runs the school. 114 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,946 Oh, you mean the Principal, "Sourpuss." 115 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,683 Yeah, it's, uh, right Over there. Thank you. 116 00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:53,117 That's ok. 117 00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,857 Oh, good morning. 118 00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,160 Are you the principal sourpuss? 119 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,197 My name is russell. 120 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:07,265 But one of the boys Said that your name... 121 00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:08,574 Oh, one of the boys? 122 00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:09,901 Do you remember which one? 123 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,536 No. 124 00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:13,550 Well, won't you Sit down, mrs., uh... 125 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,873 Uh, douglas. Oliver Wendell douglas. 126 00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:17,709 But everybody calls me lisa. 127 00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:19,822 Do you have a son or Daughter in our school? 128 00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:20,846 No. 129 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,514 Then how can I help you? 130 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:25,650 My husband wants me to take A course in domestic sinus. 131 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,620 Sinus? Science. 132 00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:32,090 Well, whatever it is, As long as it's cooking. 133 00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:33,658 Where do I go? 134 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,605 Well, you have to enroll first. 135 00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:37,429 Well, how do you do that? 136 00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:41,399 Just fill out one of these Applications. Your address, name, age... 137 00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:42,734 Age? 138 00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:45,803 Do you have one with Different questions? 139 00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:48,206 Well, you can just Put down 21 plus. 140 00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,942 I was going to put down minus. 141 00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:54,145 Why don't you just answer the Questions as close as you can 142 00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:56,414 And we'll see if we Can get you started. 143 00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,697 I wonder if any Of the other kids 144 00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:02,632 Get a kiss like this when They come home from school. 145 00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:03,755 Well, I... 146 00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:05,134 Maybe I'll come Earlier tomorrow. 147 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,869 Look, look, look. Maybe I won't even go. 148 00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,260 Lisa, lisa, please. 149 00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,094 What took you so long? 150 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:11,896 You were just Supposed to enroll. 151 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:15,333 I had to take an entrance exam For the domestic sinus class. 152 00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:16,635 Oh, science. 153 00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:19,937 Yes, I had to show them Everything I know how to cook. 154 00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:21,205 You didn't make... 155 00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:22,652 Yes, that's why I took so long. 156 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,909 They had to send up To the chemistry class 157 00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,858 For something to take My batter off the girdle. 158 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,516 In other words, you Didn't get into the class. 159 00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:34,786 Yes, only I have to Start from the beginning. 160 00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:37,522 Well, I thought they'd put You back further than that. 161 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:38,790 Oliver, 162 00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:40,124 A school child is supposed 163 00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:42,460 To get encouragement From her parent, 164 00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,796 Even if he is her husband. 165 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,766 I'm sorry. Uh, what Time is your class? 166 00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:48,900 Which one? 167 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,736 Your domestic sinus... Uh, science class. 168 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,450 Oh, well, I've my Program right here. 169 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:58,009 It's at, uh, at 2:00, Right after algebra. 170 00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,144 Algebra? 171 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,013 You're taking... Besides algebra, 172 00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:04,683 I have chemistry, English literature, 173 00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:07,385 Ancient history and lunch. 174 00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:10,288 Lisa, what are you taking All those subjects for? 175 00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:12,791 I have to carry At least 16 units. 176 00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:15,660 Otherwise, I can be drafted. 177 00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:19,431 Oh, a couple of years In the army might... 178 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,999 Lisa, drop those other subjects. 179 00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:23,368 I can't. 180 00:08:23,437 --> 00:08:26,582 You have to carry a full Program, otherwise you can't go. 181 00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:29,708 Oh, all right. Well, just Concentrate on domestic science then. 182 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,487 Learn to cook as Quickly as you can. 183 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,379 So we won't have to eat Any more of those horrible... 184 00:08:34,448 --> 00:08:36,514 Horrible what, harry? 185 00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:38,683 Uh, uh, I didn't Mean it that way. 186 00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:41,872 No, I meant so we wouldn't have to Force down any more of that soggy... 187 00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,756 You did it again, humphrey. 188 00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:45,825 Lisa, I... 189 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,603 Every time you open your mouth, 190 00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:49,894 You put your foot into it. 191 00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,564 Well, I've gotta eat something With some substance to it. 192 00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,098 I'm getting beriberi. 193 00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:56,334 Well, meyer. 194 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:59,337 If you're planning to show up With your cold feets tonight, 195 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:00,406 Forget it. 196 00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:03,007 Lisa. 197 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,542 Lisa. 198 00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,711 Oh, lisa. 199 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,813 Oh, lisa. 200 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,949 Just for that you can Iron your own mini blouse. 201 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,155 Oliver. 202 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,624 Oliver, get up. 203 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:22,594 Oh, lisa, lisa, please, You've been at it all night. 204 00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:25,196 It was just a joke About the hotcake. 205 00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,465 It's 6:00.6:00? 206 00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,233 What are you doing up so early? 207 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,335 I have to go to school. 208 00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:32,871 Oh, yeah, yeah. 209 00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:34,972 Well I'll see you when You get back. Goodbye. 210 00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:38,109 Lisa! Lisa! 211 00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:40,311 You're making me seasick. 212 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,625 Oliver, you have to Drive me to school! 213 00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:45,683 No, no, you can Take the car. It's... 214 00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:48,386 Oh, you don't know how to drive. 215 00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,304 I have to find Something to wear. 216 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,361 What about this one? 217 00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:58,830 Yeah, that'd be fine 218 00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:01,019 If you're attending A bartender's class. 219 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:05,102 Not this one. This one. 220 00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:06,171 Great. 221 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:11,621 Do you think this is too Much to wear to high school? 222 00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:14,078 No. They won't think it's real. 223 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:16,748 They'll think you got it Out of an iron claw machine. 224 00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:18,082 What's that? 225 00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:20,151 Well, it's a machine Where you put a dime in 226 00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:21,553 And the iron claw goes... 227 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:26,157 You can't buy a ring Like this for a dime. 228 00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:27,826 No, I didn't think you could. 229 00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:30,655 My father laid out an awful Lot of drachmas for this. 230 00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:32,442 Do you know how Much that is in money? 231 00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:33,498 Hmm? 232 00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:34,833 It was his class ring. 233 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,234 His class ring? 234 00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:40,404 Mmm-hmm. He went to u.C.B. 235 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,607 University of California at budapest. 236 00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,075 When the war started, 237 00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:46,511 He smuggled it out In a jar of chicken fat. 238 00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:48,691 That's why it slides Off and on so easy. 239 00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:52,383 Lisa, it's... It's 6:00 In the morning. 240 00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:55,152 I'm not in any mood for This nonsensical chatter. 241 00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:57,622 Now get dressed or you'll Have to walk to school. 242 00:10:57,691 --> 00:11:01,258 Well, meyer, guess whose feet Are going to be cold again tonight? 243 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,236 So my father 244 00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:14,672 Put this in the Jar of chicken fat 245 00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,418 So he could smuggle It by the nazis 246 00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:18,576 Who were much more Interested in heiling 247 00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:20,255 Than searching chicken fat. 248 00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:23,047 Girls, will you please Take your seats now? 249 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:26,951 Oh, mrs. Hockmeister, I was just Showing them my chicken fat ring. 250 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,020 Some other time, mrs. Douglas. 251 00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:31,288 Now, girls, all take Your seats, please. 252 00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:39,597 This domestic science Course is very important, 253 00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,900 So I want you to pay attention. 254 00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:43,412 You'll find that in later years 255 00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,715 When you're married, that The things you've learned here 256 00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:47,872 Will be extremely valuable. 257 00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:50,041 You've always heard that the way 258 00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:52,149 To a man's heart is Through his stomach. 259 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,178 Yes. 260 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:56,480 There are other ways. 261 00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,149 Mrs. Douglas. 262 00:11:58,217 --> 00:11:59,383 Such as 263 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:02,119 Telling him that everything You buy is on sale, 264 00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:04,022 Never using his razor, 265 00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:07,358 And if he falls off his polo Pony, you mustn't laugh. 266 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,540 Because if you laugh, It doesn't matter 267 00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:12,263 What good a cook you are... 268 00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:13,543 Thank you, mrs. Douglas. 269 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:15,310 I'm sure the girls Will remember that. 270 00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:17,769 You're welcome, Mrs. Hockmeister. 271 00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:18,903 Now then. 272 00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,772 Can I say just one more thing? 273 00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:22,674 What? 274 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,220 The most important thing is To marry a man who loves you. 275 00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:26,510 Because if he loves you, 276 00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:28,079 You can get away with murder. 277 00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:29,714 I don't know how to cook, 278 00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,215 But mr. Douglas loves me, 279 00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:34,085 And I have more diamonds Than any of my friends 280 00:12:34,153 --> 00:12:35,920 Who are better cooks than I am. 281 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,723 Also emeralds. 282 00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:41,626 Girls, will you please Open your books to page 7. 283 00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:43,661 There are a few other Things about marriage 284 00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,675 That they don't write About in cookbooks. 285 00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:48,232 Mrs. Douglas! 286 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:51,302 What do you mean my wife Is a disrupting influence? 287 00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:54,283 Well, for one thing that Big diamond your wife wears. 288 00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,908 Oh, that's a family heirloom. 289 00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:59,143 That's her father's class ring. 290 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,444 Class? 291 00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,714 Well, it is kind Of crazy, but, uh... 292 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:06,017 Then the whole Family is kind of, uh... 293 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:08,497 They'd have to be to think Of smuggling a thing like that 294 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:09,787 In a jar of chicken fat. 295 00:13:10,724 --> 00:13:11,889 Yes. 296 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,838 All right, I'll tell her Not to wear the ring. 297 00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:15,159 Just a moment, please. 298 00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:16,639 There are a few other things. 299 00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:17,996 Oh? 300 00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:20,431 Our students are here To listen to the teacher, 301 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,066 Not your wife regaling them 302 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,770 With stories about your Inability to stay on a polo pony. 303 00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:26,938 A polo... 304 00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:30,975 Did she tell them About the time I fell off? 305 00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,677 Yes, she did. 306 00:13:32,746 --> 00:13:34,779 Mr. Douglas, your Wife also gave the girls 307 00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:37,259 A brief discourse On married life. 308 00:13:37,283 --> 00:13:39,851 Most of which had Nothing to do with cooking. 309 00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,385 She didn't! 310 00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:42,694 All in good taste, 311 00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,299 Nothing the Superintendent of schools 312 00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:46,624 Could take umbrage with, but... 313 00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:48,392 I understand. 314 00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,628 I'll have a talk with her. 315 00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:51,857 Thank you. 316 00:13:58,938 --> 00:14:01,673 Oliver, if you're Stopping here to smooch, 317 00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:03,507 This is the wrong place. 318 00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,376 We're not stopping to smooch. 319 00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:07,845 All the other kids go Down the side road... 320 00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:10,048 I don't care where The other kids go. 321 00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:11,649 Neither do I. 322 00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:14,752 Lisa, we're not gonna smooch, We're gonna talk about school. 323 00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:17,221 Oh, it's father-son time. 324 00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:18,622 It's husband-wife time. 325 00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:21,425 Then we are going to smooch. 326 00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:24,062 Now, for the first time Since we've been married, 327 00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:25,797 I'm ashamed of you. 328 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:27,598 Oliver. 329 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:28,833 I am. 330 00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:30,935 I've had to go to The principal's office 331 00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:33,337 Because my wife Won't behave in class. 332 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,339 I'm sorry. 333 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:36,819 It's unfair to the Other children. 334 00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,509 They come there to learn, 335 00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,845 Not to hear you Tell wild stories 336 00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,847 About me falling Off my polo pony. 337 00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:46,236 I was going to bring your polo Mallet for show-and-tell time. 338 00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:47,451 Show-and-tell? 339 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,998 Where you bring Something from home 340 00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:52,890 And you show it to the other Kids and you tell them about it. 341 00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:56,260 Lisa, just pay attention To the teacher. 342 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,662 Well, she was talking About marriage and cooking, 343 00:14:58,732 --> 00:14:59,997 And I told her 344 00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,366 That I don't know how to Cook, but you still like me. 345 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:03,935 Well, that's very... 346 00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:06,904 Maybe I should take you For show-and-tell time. 347 00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:09,107 I don't want ever to Have to school again. 348 00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:11,575 Even if I forget My gym bloomers? 349 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,745 Not for any reason. 350 00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:16,447 Well, you won't have to Come to school anymore. 351 00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:17,414 Good. 352 00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,628 Except to drive me And the other kids. 353 00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:20,785 What other kids? 354 00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:24,155 I got you into the car pool With the other mothers. 355 00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:25,990 I'm not gonna Drive a bunch of... 356 00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:28,137 Well, you only have To do it for one term, 357 00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:30,327 Then the other Mothers take over. 358 00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:32,363 All right, I'll do it. 359 00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,366 But only as long as you promise To behave yourself in class. 360 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,135 All right, I promise. Good. 361 00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:43,719 With an "H", with an h-o-o, 362 00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:46,377 Hooterville, hooterville, Hooterville, go! 363 00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,345 Yay! 364 00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:49,654 Will you stop that racket! 365 00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:52,750 Come on, now, Everybody out. Out! 366 00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:56,520 Lisa, it was real nice of Your father to give us a ride. 367 00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:59,423 I am not her father, I'm her... 368 00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,959 Darling, don't forget To pick us up at 3:00. 369 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,241 What's the matter? 370 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,702 You've never seen a father Kiss her husband before? 371 00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:15,106 I have to go. Goodbye, darling. 372 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,678 Mr. Douglas! Mr. Douglas! 373 00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:21,779 What's the matter? 374 00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:24,615 I forgot my lunch! Thank you. 375 00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:29,620 Goodbye. 376 00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,956 Is your husband Always such a grouch? 377 00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:35,159 No, he's just mad because he Had to go to the principal's office. 378 00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:36,493 What a drip! 379 00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:38,642 That's not a nice thing To say about the principal. 380 00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,664 No, I mean your husband. 381 00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:42,900 Oh, yes. 382 00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:44,546 There's the 2nd bell. 383 00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:45,815 Hey, what's your first class? 384 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:46,871 Chemistry. 385 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,880 My wife blew what window out? 386 00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:57,614 The chemistry lab. 387 00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,283 Was anybody hurt? 388 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,320 No, but there was a lot Of smoke and a lot of noise, 389 00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:06,590 And, uh, the building hasn't smelled Too good for the last couple of hours. 390 00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:07,859 That wasn't her fault. 391 00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:09,872 She had no business Being in that class. 392 00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,062 I'd like to meet the idiot 393 00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:12,875 That suggested that She take chemistry. 394 00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,065 How do you do? 395 00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:16,533 How do you... You're the idiot. 396 00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:17,902 I'm sorry. 397 00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:20,504 How did it happen? 398 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,840 Well, your wife had A run in her stocking. 399 00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,909 How did that blow The window out? 400 00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:27,098 Calm down and I'll tell you. 401 00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:30,114 See, she had a run in her Stocking and she wet her finger. 402 00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,884 Boy who was next to her 403 00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:37,488 Pouring nitric acid, looked over And poured it into the wrong test-tube. 404 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:39,257 You saw the window. 405 00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:40,557 Why do you call me in? 406 00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:41,971 Why not get that Kid's parents in 407 00:17:41,995 --> 00:17:43,638 And ask him to Explain what he's doing 408 00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:45,829 Looking at my wife's legs. 409 00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,798 Mr. Douglas, have you forgotten 410 00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,300 When you were 17? 411 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:51,735 When I was 17, I did... 412 00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:54,872 Well, yes, I did. 413 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,442 Now don't you think It would be advisable 414 00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:00,912 If you took your Wife out of school? 415 00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:03,114 Absolutely not. 416 00:18:03,182 --> 00:18:05,416 I'm a tax payer. I Pay school taxes. 417 00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:08,252 If my wife wants to go to School, she has every right to. 418 00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,887 Yes, she has, but... 419 00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,488 Look, please, 420 00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:14,125 I promise you, you'll have No more trouble with her. 421 00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:19,330 Now, today we are going to examine The austro-hungarian monarchy. 422 00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:22,533 I can help you with that, Because I come from hungary. 423 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,068 Most people don't know that 424 00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:26,670 Because I don't speak With an accident anymore. 425 00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:28,306 Mrs. Douglas, do you mind? 426 00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,875 The austro-hungarian monarchy 427 00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:34,412 Was ruled by the House of hapsburg. 428 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:35,557 The house... 429 00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:36,780 It wasn't really a house, 430 00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:39,917 It was a big castle On top of a hill. 431 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:43,887 The hapsburg house Refers to the hapsburg line. 432 00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,190 And it was a pretty Good line, too. 433 00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:49,893 My grandmother went Out with one of them, 434 00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:52,096 And of all the fellows She ever went out with, 435 00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:55,566 He was the only one she Ever had to pull the hatpin on. 436 00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:57,801 Yes, well... 437 00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:59,570 She stuck him in the carriage. 438 00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:04,508 Oh, not his carriage, The horse's carriage. 439 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:07,644 What do you mean my wife was Rewriting the history of hungary? 440 00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:11,382 Her facts didn't exactly Jibe with the teacher's. 441 00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:14,551 Well, she comes from hungary. 442 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:16,820 Maybe she knows more About it than the teacher. 443 00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,356 Oh, one of those. 444 00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:20,791 Your child knows More than the teacher. 445 00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:24,061 I am not her child. I... She... Well, she... 446 00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:25,140 Mr. Douglas. 447 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,530 All right. 448 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:29,500 I'll have another talk with her. 449 00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:31,602 So you know more than The history teacher? 450 00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:33,237 Only about hungary. 451 00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:34,306 Lisa. 452 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:36,540 Some of my best Friends are hungarian. 453 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,409 Including my mother. 454 00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:40,844 Well, you won't have to Worry about this class anymore, 455 00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,313 Because they've dropped you. 456 00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,081 Good. 457 00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:47,229 That'll give me time to take A course in driver's training. 458 00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:48,319 Driver... 459 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,820 You mean with a car? 460 00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:52,423 Yes, then when I get My driver's license, 461 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:55,192 You won't have to Car pool anymore. 462 00:19:55,261 --> 00:19:57,461 Well, if you learn to Drive as well as cook, 463 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,975 Then this whole high school Thing would have been worthwhile. 464 00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:00,898 Good. 465 00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:02,500 Now can we smooch? 466 00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:05,202 When you're a senior. 467 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,243 All right, fasten Your seat belt. 468 00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,311 Now, uh, do you know How to start a car? 469 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,546 No. 470 00:20:15,614 --> 00:20:17,281 Well, do you know what this is? 471 00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:18,849 Well, it looks like a key, 472 00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:21,152 But I bet it's a trick question. 473 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,153 No. 474 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,620 It's a key. 475 00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:26,057 And it goes in right here. 476 00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:29,326 And I all you have to do to Start the motor is to turn the key. 477 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,262 Oh, not yet. 478 00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:34,231 First of all, do you Know what these are? 479 00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,934 "P", "R", "N", "D", "L". 480 00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:39,303 Oh, yes. That's a per-nern-dle. 481 00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,206 My husband has a Per-nern-dle on his car, too. 482 00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:46,910 Yes, every car should Have a per-nern-dle. 483 00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:51,082 Now, the motor won't start Unless the indicator is at "P", 484 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:52,683 Which stands for "Park", 485 00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:54,452 Or "N", which means "Neutral". 486 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,820 Can I use either? Yes, of course. 487 00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:58,456 "P" or "N". 488 00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:00,536 You know, that's why I Never learned how to drive. 489 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,880 You have to make So many decisions. 490 00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:05,629 Well, let's try "N". 491 00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:07,431 I like "P" better. 492 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:08,899 All right. 493 00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:10,701 Uh, you can turn the key now. 494 00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:15,506 Let go! 495 00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:17,208 Won't the motor stop? 496 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,342 No. 497 00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:20,912 Look, 498 00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,214 When the motor starts, You release the key. 499 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,082 You didn't tell me that. 500 00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:27,951 Well, I thought you'd Have sense enough to... 501 00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:32,022 Can I call my husband and Tell him to come and watch me? 502 00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:35,292 No, all we're gonna do Is drive around the block. 503 00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,228 I hope. 504 00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:40,498 Now, to put the car in Gear we move the arrow. 505 00:21:40,566 --> 00:21:41,806 What arrow? 506 00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:43,800 On the per-nern-dle! 507 00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:45,314 Look, if you want to go forward, 508 00:21:45,338 --> 00:21:47,238 Where would you Move the arrow to? 509 00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:49,072 Forward. "F". 510 00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:51,275 There is no "F". 511 00:21:51,344 --> 00:21:53,777 Then we can't go forward. 512 00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:56,647 We can if we put it on "D". 513 00:21:56,715 --> 00:21:59,350 Forward doesn't Start with a "D". 514 00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:03,587 All right. That's Right, it doesn't. 515 00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:05,389 Look, we'll try backing up. 516 00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:07,402 Now where would you Put the arrow to do that? 517 00:22:07,426 --> 00:22:09,738 That's another one that's Going to be hard to do. 518 00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:12,329 There is no "B" on here either. 519 00:22:12,398 --> 00:22:14,632 Let's try "R" for reverse. 520 00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:16,233 What direction is that? 521 00:22:17,303 --> 00:22:18,669 Just a second. 522 00:22:22,107 --> 00:22:24,107 We're gonna have to Back up to get out of here. 523 00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:26,343 So we won't run into The girls' shower room. 524 00:22:26,412 --> 00:22:29,513 So put the arrow next to "R". 525 00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:32,383 Then look back to see That everything's clear. 526 00:22:32,451 --> 00:22:35,586 Now slowly step on the gas. 527 00:22:44,897 --> 00:22:46,297 She didn't! 528 00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:47,831 She did. 529 00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:49,066 Was she hurt? 530 00:22:49,134 --> 00:22:51,046 Fortunately, nobody was hurt. 531 00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:52,469 Thank goodness. 532 00:22:52,538 --> 00:22:55,872 Mr. Douglas, I think we had Better sit down and talk. 533 00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:00,712 Hello, dear. 534 00:23:00,746 --> 00:23:01,978 Lisa. 535 00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:04,248 That's a good-looking Outfit you're wearing. 536 00:23:04,317 --> 00:23:05,482 Is it new? 537 00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:06,850 Lisa. 538 00:23:06,919 --> 00:23:10,254 Uh, I think... I think We'd better have to 539 00:23:10,323 --> 00:23:11,589 Have a little talk. 540 00:23:11,657 --> 00:23:12,789 Oh. 541 00:23:12,858 --> 00:23:14,903 You heard about the Car in the shower room. 542 00:23:14,927 --> 00:23:16,694 Yes. 543 00:23:16,762 --> 00:23:19,040 You can't keep a thing Like that a secret. 544 00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:20,163 No. 545 00:23:20,233 --> 00:23:21,632 Lisa, 546 00:23:21,701 --> 00:23:24,000 I just had a talk With the principal. 547 00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:26,069 And you've been expelled. 548 00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:28,016 And I've only been here 3 days. 549 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,640 Isn't that wonderful? 550 00:23:30,409 --> 00:23:32,409 Expelled means kicked out. 551 00:23:33,212 --> 00:23:34,678 Oh. 552 00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:36,079 It's not wonderful. 553 00:23:36,148 --> 00:23:38,081 No. 554 00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:40,718 Well, I didn't fit in Here too well anyway. 555 00:23:40,786 --> 00:23:43,153 A lot of the kids are Younger than I am. 556 00:23:44,056 --> 00:23:45,956 Yeah. 557 00:23:46,024 --> 00:23:48,592 I'm sorry I didn't learn How to cook for you. 558 00:23:48,661 --> 00:23:51,061 I guess you're stuck With my hotcakes. 559 00:23:51,130 --> 00:23:52,529 Oh, that's all right. 560 00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:54,831 That way I'm the Only one in danger, 561 00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:57,635 Not a whole school Full of innocent children. 562 00:23:57,703 --> 00:23:59,870 Oliver, you're a brave man. 563 00:24:01,474 --> 00:24:03,274 Well, let's go home. 564 00:24:05,878 --> 00:24:07,711 You want me to drive you? 565 00:24:09,014 --> 00:24:10,714 Come on. 566 00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:12,026 Oh, oh. Wait a moment. 567 00:24:12,050 --> 00:24:13,428 I have to clear out my locker. 568 00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:14,851 I left my pompons in there. 569 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,120 Oh, well... Your pompons? 570 00:24:17,189 --> 00:24:19,134 It was going to be a surprise, 571 00:24:19,158 --> 00:24:22,070 But they made me the Cheerleader of the football team. 572 00:24:22,094 --> 00:24:24,762 You're the, uh, "Rah, Rah, rah, sis, boom, bah"? 573 00:24:24,830 --> 00:24:26,997 No, no. Ours goes this way. 574 00:24:27,065 --> 00:24:29,533 With an "H", with An "H", with an o-o-o. 575 00:24:29,602 --> 00:24:32,068 With a "T", with a "T", with an e-r-v. 576 00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:34,505 Hootersville! Hootersville! 577 00:24:34,573 --> 00:24:35,939 That's for me! 578 00:24:43,449 --> 00:24:46,350 Well, like I always said, she Has a lot of betty boop in her. 579 00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:26,869 this has been a filmways Presentation, darling. 38764

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