Original subtitles

♪ green acres is The place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

♪ new york is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ goodbye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

and even though Dan andrews claimed

that the men in the spacecraft

waved at him as they Flew over his car,

the sheriff arrested him On a plain drunk charge.

w.P.I.X.L. T.V. Farm Weather report

is next.

we take you now down to our weather Station, high atop beully's car wash,

in the heart of downtown pixley.

now as you can see our Weather station shows

that the little old lady has come Out of her house with her umbrella,

which forecasts heavy Rain in the next 24 hours.

the opinions expressed by The little old lady are hers

and do not necessarily Reflect the views of this station.

I don't believe it.

♪

and now back to our Early morning movie,

featuring fay wray in That spine-chilling feature...

Who was that Nice little old lady

Standing outside her Door with the umbrella?

She's the weather report.

The most ridiculous Thing I've ever heard of.

Who lives in the other door?

I don't know. Some Little old man.

When the little old lady Doesn't come out, he comes out.

Don't they ever Come out together?

Only in case of a tidal wave.

It's impossible.

I tune in to get the weather report, To find out if I can plant my tomatoes,

And they shove a little Old lady out of a house

Under an umbrella, and Tell you it's gonna rain.

They used to do that in the old Country, but with the gypsies.

Lisa.

They would shove out the Gypsy queen in a bathing suit

And if she turned blue, You knew it was cold.

Oh, boy!

One year she turned green.

That was the year When the locusts came

And ate big holes In the tambourines.

Lisa, I've got enough trouble.

If I'm going to plant Some tomatoes,

I've got to find out what the weather's Gonna be for the next couple of weeks.

Well... Well, I think you Could trust the little old lady.

She looked pretty honest to me.

But I didn't see the little Old man who lives next door.

Lisa, would you do me a favor?

What?

Tune the set on to fay Wray again, will you?

I want to see how she's Making out with king kong.

I saw it. She gets Away from him.

Well, watch it again and make Sure. I'm worried about her.

Oh, you're such a nice man.

With all your troubles, you Still worry about fay wray.

These the longest Oars you got, sam?

They're the only Ones I got, newt.

You sure this Slicker's waterproof?

Got a waterproof Label, ain't it, fred?

I don't care nothin' about The label being waterproof.

What about the slicker?

It'll shed water like a duck.

I'm going to need a Pair of oarlocks, too.

I'm all out.

Well, good morning, gentlemen.

Mornin', mr. Douglas.

Slickers are right here, the Life preservers are on the wall,

And the sandbags Are in the back.

What?

Sam's all out of oarlocks.

I don't want any oar...

You better get plenty of canned Goods and put up on your roof.

You never know how long you're gonna Be up there, before the helicopter comes.

What are you Fellows talking about?

Uh, mildred.

You want the Slicker or don't you?

Well, I...

Who's mildred?

The lady on the weather report.

Oh!

You mean that stupid little old Lady with the umbrella on t.V.?

Mr. Douglas,

Ain't you got no Respect for motherhood?

You better get yourself some Foul weather gear, mr. Douglas.

Yeah, when mildred comes Out with the umbrella,

You better run for high ground.

You can't be serious.

Well, mildred's Never been wrong yet.

Uh, mr. Drucker, I came to see About those tomato plants I ordered.

Oh, yeah, I got the Bill of ladin' right here.

They're on a train up in pixley.

Uh-huh, when will they be here?

Soon as they get The bridge fixed.

Is the bridge out?

No, but it will be.

Mildred's forecastin' A real beaut this time.

There's no rain in sight.

Uh, what about my tomato plants?

They'll be much Safer up in pixley.

Yeah,

No sense in plantin' them and then Watchin' them float downstream.

Gentlemen, look out the window.

See how bright the sun is?

There's not a cloud in the sky.

That's the way it looked just Before the johnstown flood.

I give up.

Then there was the big monkey On top of the empire state building,

With fay wray in one hand, and Hanging on with the other, and...

What are you talking about?

You told me to watch and See what happened to fay wray.

She was all right.

Oh, good. Eb!

After the movies, I saw The little old lady again.

This time she had a raincoat On with her umbrella.

Ah, fine, fine. Eb!

What are you made up for?

The drought.

What is a drought?

Dry weather.

But the little old Lady said that...

Will you forget The little old lady?

Yeah, she ain't reliable.

I take all my Weather from walter.

Walter?

W.T.B.Z.F.'s singing weatherman.

The singing...

You should have heard him this Morning, singing up a storm for a drought.

How'd that go again?

Oh, yeah.

♪ the little old lady May have come out ♪

♪ but walter's takin' odds On a big long drought ♪

That's very pretty.

Yeah, he writes All his own lyrics.

He's kind of the irving Berlin of the weathermen.

Eb, we've gotta go to pixley To pick up the tomato plants.

Now take that stupid outfit off.

Pixley's a pretty big town.

I oughta wear somethin'.

That is right.

He might get arrested For undecent explosion.

If he does, I'll bail him out.

You won't have to bail.

Walter says there Won't be no water.

Get dressed! Yes, sir.

Have you got my Tomato plants aboard?

Yes, sir, they're In the baggage car.

When are you getting Them into hooterville?

Right after the storm.

There ain't gonna be no storm.

Mildred said it's gonna rain.

Walter said it's gonna drought.

I don't care what walter said,

I'm not riskin' the train on A washed-out bridge, see?

The only thing that's gonna Wash out a bridge is a sandstorm.

Wait, wait, wait, Fellows, fellows,

All I want is to get My tomatoes planted.

You can't plant your Tomatoes in a cloudburst.

It isn't gonna rain.

Good for you, mr. Douglas, You're a walter man.

Uh, no, I'm not...

You see, charley, he's Finally showin' a little sense.

Very little.

Anybody that goes for a Walter prediction is a birdbrain.

I don't go for a Walter prediction.

I just want my tomato plants.

I'll get 'em for you. Hold it!

Charley, let him...

Mr. Douglas,

We're doin' this For your own good.

Your tomato plants will be Nice and dry inside the coach.

The heat in there Will wither 'em.

Are you gonna take my Tomato plants to hooterville?

No, sir.

If I get a truck,

Will you help eb load 'em?

No, sir.

I ain't gonna get no sunstroke.

Will you?

No, sir, I can't swim.

All right,

Eb and I will load Them ourselves.

Eb!

Huh, walter!

Mildred!

I think I felt a raindrop.

Oh, that's sunburn lotion.

Floyd smoot, you're A stubborn fool.

And that goes double for me!

Howdy, mr. Douglas.

Hi, mr. Haney.

I'm pretty busy today.

Oh, don't let me bother you.

What you doin'?

Well, what does it Look like I'm doing?

Well, it looks like you're Prospectin' for ants,

But that's wrong, ain't it?

I'm plantin'.

Plantin'?

Mr. Douglas, this Is your lucky day.

That remains to bo seen.

This is just what you need.

The 8th wonder of the world,

The haney automatic Soybean planter.

Well, it so happens,

That I'm planting tomatoes.

Tomatoes?

Mr. Douglas, you've just Had another lucky day.

There it is, the 9th Wonder of the world,

The haney automatic Tomato planter.

The, uh, 9th wonder of the World looks exactly like the 8th.

Uh, to the naked eye, yes.

But there is a Marked difference.

Like what?

One is for tomatoes, and The other's for soybeans.

I'm not, uh...

Mr. Douglas,

You are looking at the answer To every farmer's prayer.

A mechanized wetback.

Not interested.

Then I'll be glad to explain To you just how it works.

I don't...

You'll notice that the Front of the machine

Has an automatic hole digger,

Which operates on the same Theory as a dentist's drill.

It drills a hole exactly two And seven eighths inches deep.

Which is the ideal depth

Recommended by tomato Planters all over the world.

Uh, mr. Haney...

Once the hole is dug, the Drill automatically trips a lever

That releases the tomato Plant to slip through this chute

And down into the already dug Two and seven eighths inches hole.

Now you've got to admit

That this machine is A mechanical marvel.

I'm sure it is.

Then I can count on you for Financial backin' to build one?

Build one?

Well, how else are we gonna Know if it only works on the shade?

You mean, uh, all You've got is a drawing?

Well, all edison Had was a light bulb,

And a feelin' he ought to Have somethin' to plug it into.

How much can I put you down for?

Nothing.

You mean you're gonna continue Plantin' the old-fashioned way,

On your hands and knees?

That's right.

How about a pair of Foam rubber kneepads?

No, thanks.

A bottle of liniment for Your sure-to-be-sore back?

No.

How about some Weather insurance?

No, I...

Weather insurance?

You almost answered Too quick there.

What do you mean Weather insurance?

You can insure your crops Against any and all kinds of weather.

Oh, now, I... I might Be interested in that.

How much is it?

Well, uh, would you be Wanting one doll or 2?

A doll?

Genuine west indies voodoo doll.

The perfect weather insurance.

And this is the mildred hexer,

And this is the walter jinxer.

Just a few pins in The right places

And you can put the Weather wherever you want it.

Do you happen to Have a haney hexer?

No, I don't believe I do.

Oh. That's too bad.

Then, I'll have to start sticking The pins in you personally.

I'm on my way.

Aren't they beautiful?

Yes, but, uh,

Where are the tomatoes?

Well, they're not grown Yet. I just planted 'em.

Oh, the tomatoes grow Right on top of the plants?

No, no, uh, first the plants Have to grow into the vines.

Oh, the tomato vines?

Yeah.

But I always thought that All vines come from grapes.

What?

They have red vines

And white vines...

You mean wine.

Wines is what they grow on,

Like your tomatoes are Going to grow on wines.

Please, lisa. I'd like To get into a hot tub

And into bed. I'm pretty tired.

There's going to be A full moon tonight.

Yeah.

That goes to show how much that Little old lady knows, and that walter.

Ain't mr. Douglas Gonna have supper?

No. He went to bed Without it. He was tired.

You ought to give him some Of that dessert you made.

That'll put a Little life into him.

Yes, maybe it would.

Oliver. Oliver.

Huh, what?

I'm glad you're awake.

Huh?

I brought you dessert.

I don't want any dessert.

But it's a surprise.

Do you... Do you have a match?

Now what do you Need a match for?

Oh, here is one.

What's that?

Crepe suzette.

Crepe suzette?

I took a hotcake and I lit it.

Lisa, put it out. You want To burn the house down?

But you always used To like french cooking.

I'd like to get some Sleep. I'm tired.

Oliver.

What?

Would you mind if I watch television?

No.

But keep the sound down.

All right.

as you can see,

the little old lady has Gone back into her house.

the little old man has come out

of his house to look For the little old lady

to tell her to put Away her umbrella.

it's not going to rain.

now there's fair weather ahead!

and we remind you,

the opinions expressed by the Little old man and the little old lady

are opinions of their own,

and do not necessarily Reflect the views of this station.

Turn that thing off.

♪

Darling,

Did you hear what they Said about the little old man?

It's going to be fair. There's going to be no rain.

I don't need him To tell me that.

That's what I have Been saying all day.

Do you want me to Turn on the radio

And see what walter Is singing about?

Just let me sleep.

Oliver!

One of these days you're Going to be a little man

And you'll come out Of your own house

And nobody's going to look at You because you're such a grouch.

And that will be the Happiest day of my life!

♪

Hello, there. Hello.

So you're the fellow Who lives next door.

Yes.

Are you a bachelor?

Yes.

So am I.

Only a girl.

Yeah, I noticed that.

How come I've never Seen you before?

Well, we're not supposed To be out here together.

Are you a fink for The weather bureau?

No, I'm not!

Any connection with Beully's car wash?

No.

Are you related to fay wray?

I think you better Go back in the house.

I can't. It's going to rain.

No, it's going to be clear and Cold, that's why I'm out here.

Well, then I guess I'd better go in.

Where do you think you're going?

It's getting chilly Out here, I thought...

You're not going to give me that Stale line about checking my barometer?

No, it's, uh, just That it's cold.

It's going to get a lot colder.

Bye.

It's cold.

It's cold!

It's cold!

It's cold.

Lisa, you've got All the blanket.

Oh, it's freezing.

So am I.

Freezing?

There's frost all Over the ground.

My tomato plants!

Come on, hurry up!

I'm comin', I'm comin'.

What's the matter?

There's frost.

There can't be, walter the Weatherman didn't sing up a frost.

I don't care what walter The weatherman sang up.

The temperature's dropped, the Little plants are gonna freeze,

I'll lose my whole Crop. Come on.

What are we gonna do?

We'll pull them out of the Ground, and back in the flats,

And get them in where It's warm. Hurry up.

Darling, did you get them all?

Yes.

Are they all frozen?

Not half as much as me.

Hey, don't stand In front of the fire.

But I'm freezin'.

Chop some more wood.

Do you realize I'm On triple overtime.

Will you chop the wood?

That's what you get for depending On a couple of senile characters,

In a swiss chalet, For your weather.

Well, they're entitled to goof.

Not with my Tomatoes, they aren't.

Well, they're all right. You Can plant them tomorrow,

If it doesn't rain.

I don't plant them until I get An accurate weather report.

Now, come on to bed.

Mr. Douglas! Mr. Douglas!

Mr. Douglas!

Kimball, what's the matter?

Mr. Douglas, I hate to say this.

Well, I don't hate to say it.

I have to say it.

Say what?

Ok. What?

There, I said it.

Now you know the worst.

No, not the worst.

The worst is,

Somebody sneaked into your Field in the middle of the night

And stole all your Tomato plants.

Mr. Kimball...

There's nothing There but 600 holes

And a bunch of Disappointed weeds.

Come on in.

Oh, you got your Tomato plants back.

Who had them. I did.

Then why did you Report them stolen?

I didn't. I brought them in last Night because of the frost.

I don't think that was A very smart move.

Well, what would you have done?

About what?

The sudden cold snap.

Oh, I would have Gotten another blanket.

Tomato plants are Not as smart as you.

Tomatoes are the Dumbest of all plants.

You know, their I.Q. Is hardly Above what a 6-year-old child's is.

Then I'm glad I brought them in.

Well, you never should have planted them, Knowing there was gonna be a cold snap.

How am I supposed to know that?

The nut on television Is predicting rain.

The numbskull on the radio is Singing a song about the drought.

Isn't there anybody around here

Who can give me accurate Weather information?

Of course.

If you want fast, accurate, Up-to-the-minute weather information,

Just pick up the Phone and call me.

I'll give you the latest Scientific forecast.

You have a weather station?

No, an almanac.

You go by...

Richard poor's.

Founded and written By franklin benjamin.

I've found the almanac To be almost infallible.

Well, not almost,

And not infallible.

It's usually right Some of the time.

Now here's what it Says for last night.

"Salads are made, Salads are tossed.

Don't plant tomatoes Because of the frost."

The almanac predicted A frost like that?

What's it say about today?

"Today's the day For hunting grouse,

So get your tomatoes Out of the house."

Well, I guess you Know what to do now.

Yes, I do.

But there's a law against it.

Well, I guess I better be going.

Yeah, you'd better.

Oh, if I see the sheriff,

I'll tell him to keep an eye Out for your tomato plants.

Oliver, oliver. I just saw t.V.,

And guess what's going on High atop of beully's car wash?

The little old man came out Wearing earmuffs and schnowshoes,

And the little old lady was In her house fixing hot cocoa.

Which means it's going To be a big schnowstorm.

I see. Now yesterday, they Predicted rain, we had a frost.

- today, they're... - mr. Douglas!

Mr. Douglas,

I just heard walter The weatherman.

The drought's over.

Good.

But there's a Hailstorm on its way.

I see. Now, we've got Snow predicted, and hail.

So based on yesterday's Prediction of rain and/or drought,

It's safe to say that today Should be fair and warmer.

Get the tomato plants Back in the ground.

Here you are, darling. Not one at a time.

I'm sorry, newt, I can't exchange Those oars for snowshoes.

How about this slicker?

Can I turn it in for a mackinaw?

Nope.

But mildred said...

How are you, gentlemen?

Oh, mr. Douglas.

Would you like to Buy a pair of oars?

No, thanks.

How about a guaranteed Waterproof slicker?

All I want is some stakes For my tomato plants.

You ain't gonna Plant them again?

We've already started.

But it's gonna snow tonight.

Or hail.

Not according to my information.

I called the united states Weather bureau in washington.

And I got the latest weather Report for this region.

The long-range prediction is

Warm weather from now on.

It is?

Well, I guess, they Ought to know.

They've got all them big Buildings in washington.

I'm goin' home right Now and start plantin'.

Me, too.

Now you're making sense.

Mmm, let's hope you are.

What's that? I don't know.

Mr. Douglas. Open up.

Mr. Ziffel!

I wonder what's wrong?

Oh! It's chilly.

Douglas!

What's the matter?

Can we come inside and talk?

We're freezin'.

You're freezing?

Yeah, come on in.

Mr. Douglas,

We're in big trouble.

Yeah, especially you.

The thermometer's D-d-down to 30.

And still fallin'.

We've been p-plantin' All day on your say-so.

It wasn't my say-so, it was the United states weather bureau...

Oh, my... My poor tomato plants!

What are we gonna do?

Hello, there.

Evenin', ma'am.

Darling, what's going on?

There's another frost.

Our... Our crops Are going to freeze.

Why don't you use one of those things Bob hope always makes jokes about?

Smudge pots?

No, we ain't got no smudge pots.

If you fellows are cold, I'll Make you something warm to eat.

No, they don't want an...

Oh, yes. They do!

Gentlemen, our crops are saved!

Darling.

Darling, here is another batch.

Yeah, but it ain't Coming out even.

We got more suzettes Than we have pots.

Well, then, throw them On the ground and light 'em.

Yes, sir.

Oh, darling,

Mr. Ziffel came back for Another batch, but mr. Kiley didn't.

Ah, well, I don't think He'll be back tonight.

Why not? He ate one.

Oliver, that is no way to talk to a Woman who just saved your crops.

Yes, you did.

And in years to come, on cold nights When the frost is covering the ground,

People are sitting Around their fireplaces,

They'll tell the Story of lisa douglas,

The woman who single-handedly Gave the whole valley heartburn.

Humph.

this has been a filmways Presentation, darling.