Original subtitles

♪ green acres is The place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

♪ new york is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ goodbye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

What's the matter?

The window.

Yeah, open it. It's warm in here.

It won't stay open.

Why not?

The window's still open.

I'm not through yet.

I'll fix it tomorrow.

What about the other stuff You were going to fix tomorrow,

Which was yesterday, Which has already been,

But you didn't?

Would you mind saying That again, please?

Well, stuff like that leaky roof

And the crackled limoleum.

The cracked liloneum, uh, uh...

Linoleum. I'll fix everything.

Well, you promised To fix it for months.

I haven't had time.

Do you have time To help me pack?

Where're you going?

To new york, and when you've Fixed up the place you can call.

What are you so excited about?

The monroe brothers Are gonna fix the kitchen

As soon as they Finish the bedroom.

What about the Rest of the house?

What's wrong with The rest of the house?

Would you like to Take a few notes?

Well.

Follow me.

You better get some Pencils and pens.

Fix door knobs.

Other side, too.

Cement brick in fireplace.

Well, nothing wrong in here.

Watch.

How do you do?

And never mind making Friends. Write that down.

Don't make friends with pigeon.

Plaster up hole, Find pigeon new home.

Mmm-hmm, I got it.

That finishes up everything.

We are not through yet.

We'll finish the bedroom,

We'll paint the house, Shingle the roof,

Fix the front porch, Wallpaper the living room...

Hold it.

It would be easier to Tear the house down

And build a new one.

Write that down, too.

Lisa, do you realize What that would cost?

I'll get my suitcase.

Honey, we've gotta Get an architect...

You... You... You can't just

Just do a thing Like that willy-nilly.

Is this willy nilly a Good architector?

Willy-nilly is not a...

Howdy doody.

Look, will you be...

We're gonna start Plasterin' this morning.

That's why we Come over so early.

So early?

It's 4:00 in the afternoon.

No. It's... Oh.

How do you like that?

Got my watch on upside down.

Thought it was 5:45.

I thought the morning Kind of dragged.

Well, if it's 4:00, it's time For our coffee break.

How would you like a Permanent coffee break?

Is he tryin' to Tell us something?

I don't know. He's Very obscure at times.

I'll put it more bluntly.

You're fired.

Oh.

Ooh.

Now look what you've Done. You made ralph cry.

No, I didn't.

Don't cry, ralph darling.

Mr. Douglas didn't mean it.

I did mean it.

Will you stop it?

You've been on this Bedroom for 9 months

And you haven't Done anything on it.

We're gonna get an architect To redo the whole house,

We won't be needing you anymore.

You mean it's all Over between us?

Yes.

Just like that, huh? Handshake, pat on the back,

Gold watch and chain, And we're out in the cold.

I'm not giving you...

Could I have a wristwatch?

You can have nothing.

Fine thing.

After all the hard work We've put in on this dump.

If you had done Any work on it at all,

It wouldn't be a Dump. I mean a, uh...

Come on, ralph.

Wait till mom Hears we were fired,

She'll hit us.

She ought to hit him.

He'd hit her back.

Would you mind leaving?

So long, mrs. Douglas.

It was nice knowin' you.

I'm sorry.

Don't feel sorry for us.

You've got your own troubles.

Well, I hope you're Proud of yourself.

I've been very Patient with them.

Then why were They always crying?

Oh, they only cried a coup...

You wanna get the House fixed, don't you?

Yes.

Well, then, let me handle It. Once I get an architect...

You'll make him cry.

I'll try not to, if I find one.

Wonder if mr. Drucker knows An architect around here.

Sam, this here item

Is guaranteed to Triple your business.

Haney, I'm not stockin' Anymore of your items.

You're makin' a mistake, sam.

When your customers see these,

They'll be climbin' over The counter to get at 'em.

You'll be amazed.

Good morning, Mr. Haney, mr. Drucker.

Morning, mr. Douglas, What can I do for you?

Well. I...

Mr. Douglas. What Do you think of this?

What is it?

Notice the immediate Customer interest.

This is a genuine chicken Foot backscratcher.

Chicken foot...

It comes in different lengths,

Depending on how far Down you wanna scratch.

Haney, why don't you Leave my customers alone?

What did you want, mr. Douglas?

Well, uh,

I wonder if you could tell Me where I could get a good...

Oh, well, there ain't Any around here,

But there's one in pixley.

Oh. Is he any good?

Oh, he's one of the Best architects...

Architect.

Mr. Drucker.

I'm sorry, mr. Douglas.

Mr. Douglas. You don't Need to look any further.

No, but I think I will.

I'm not about to hire You as an architect.

I didn't mean me.

I was thinking about My cousin, frank lloyd.

Frank lloyd? Right.

He architected

Some of the best-known Structures in the country.

I wouldn't care if he Designed the u.N. Building.

Oh, you've seen it.

Come on, mr... Hey, mr. Drucker,

What's the name of This fellow in pixley?

Dillwell pinkley.

Dillwell pinkley.

Well, I will say that there Ain't nobody in the county

That builds a better Rabbit hutch than dillwell.

Haney, stay out of this.

What are you gonna Build, mr. Douglas?

We're gonna redo the Whole house completely.

You mean you're gonna Make some changes

In that historical old monument?

Inside and out.

That's like paintin' a Mustache on the mona lisa.

You can't do that.

Mr. Haney, you're Wasting your breath,

The house belongs to me,

I'm gonna do What I want with it.

Thank you very much. Thank You, mr. Drucker. Goodbye.

Don't do it, mr. Douglas. Don't tamper with history.

And now then, girls,

Today, we're all Goin' to pitch in

And bake a pounds cake.

But, alice, it's a First time for me, too.

Eleanor, can we count on you?

All right.

Now then, let me see, Where do we start?

Oh.

Take 6 eggs. Now, girls, That's your department.

Go to work.

Then we need a cup of Milk and a pound of butter.

Eleanor, which one do You want to do first?

All right, eleanor.

Morning, mrs. Douglas.

Oh, hello, mr. Kimball.

Is mr. Douglas around?

No, he's gone out to Look for an architector.

Oh. Is he having Trouble with his back?

No, that's a chirotector.

I don't believe That's right either.

Well, I hope he gets better.

Now, I'm sure he will.

One cup, eleanor.

We are making a cake.

The girls are Working on the eggs,

And eleanor is taking care Of the butter and the milk.

One cup, eleanor. Whenever you are ready.

Mrs. Douglas,

You don't get milk from A cow by telling it to...

One cup.

I always thought you had to...

But I guess you don't.

Girls, how are you Doin' with the eggs?

Oh.

1, 2, 3,

4, 5, 6. Perfect.

Now,

Now we got to separate

The whites from the jokes.

Girls, do you do That sort of work?

Oh, no, they...

How long has mr. Douglas' Back been hurtin'?

He didn't tell me It was hurting him.

Eleanor,

We still need the butter.

Moo when you're ready.

Something wrong?

Oh, no. I just, uh...

Well, butter doesn't Come directly from the...

To get butter, you have to...

Lisa!

Hello, darling.

Hi, mr. Douglas.

Oh. Mr. Kimball.

Oh, lisa, this...

I was so worried about You. How's your back?

My back?

Yeah. The other Side of your front.

There's nothing Wrong with my back.

Uh, lisa, this is mr. Pinkley.

Mr. Pinkley. My wife.

How do you do?

Hello, there.

Uh, this is mr. Kimball. He's our county agent.

Pinkley. Pink... Pinkley.

Say, you're not related to...

Oh, no, you couldn't Be. He moved.

Uh, lisa, mr. Pinkley's An architect.

Aren't you kind of young to be Rebuilding such an old house?

Well, uh...

It doesn't matter How old you are.

Of course not.

Like my grandfather Used to always say,

"Age is just how old you are."

Well, do you have any ideas?

About what?

I was talking to Mr. Hinkley. Uh, pinkley.

Hinkley pinkley,

Do you know a willy nilly?

Willy...

He's an archedetector, too.

And a very good one.

You mean there really is a...

Yes. William s. Nilly. Married matilda ferguson.

Nice couple. Tilly And willy nilly.

Uh, mr. Douglas, is there Any particular style

You would like Your house done in?

Yes. Did you ever see

The william randolph Hearst castle?

That's what I want.

But not on a hill.

Uh, lisa, I explained To mr. Pinkley

That what we wanted was a Nice, comfortable farmhouse.

Who asked you to Explain anything?

Why don't we just Let him walk around,

And look through the House, make some sketches.

See what he comes up with, huh?

Go on, help yourself.

Thank you.

Well, if I can be of Any help, mr. Douglas.

Oh, excuse me. I guess Eleanor is finished.

If she comes back with a Pound of butter, don't believe it.

How are you doing, mr. Pinkley?

Just finished the last sketch.

How do you like it?

Say, that's pretty Good. What do you think?

Fine. Except for the color.

What's the matter with white?

There's no color to it.

I can paint it brown, or green,

Yellow, gray, Any color you like.

I like fooshia.

"Fooshia"?

Uh, she means fuchsia.

Uh, that's what I said.

No, you said...

You don't paint a House fooshia... Fuchsia.

We'll decide the color later.

Did you make any Sketches of the interior?

Right over here.

I had, uh, such a wonderful Time with the color.

This is the bedroom.

Oh, that's fine.

Where is the sooner batz?

"Sooner batz"?

Sauna bath.

That's what I said. Where is it?

Well, I could put it here...

Forget it. We don't need it. Uh, what about the kitchen?

Oh, the kitchen. Yes, sir.

Here we are.

Oh, now, that has A lot of charm.

Where is the butler's panties?

The butler's pantry.

That's what I said.

Where is it?

Uh, lisa, this is just A simple farmhouse.

Could we see the living room?

Here we are.

Oh, the window is Stuck out too far.

That is a bay window.

Well, that's silly.

We can't see the bay from here.

Next sketch.

Bathroom.

Oh, that's fine.

I wanted a shrunken tub.

Is this tub too large?

No, shrunken, into the ground.

We'll shrunk it Down into the ground.

How much is this whole Thing going to cost?

Well, uh,

I'll have to go Back to the office

And do a little figuring.

Well, you're going to have to do

A lot more figuring than this.

Well, that's more like it.

Good, then I can go ahead.

Right away.

I'll draw up the Blueprints, get the permit.

Oh, by the way, do you Have a contractor?

No, we haven't.

How about the monroe brothers?

We don't have a contractor.

Well, there is eli boone, I've worked with him.

He has a very efficient crew.

Get him.

When are you goin' to start?

It'll be a few weeks Yet. I'll let you know.

Thank you very much.

I'm sure you'll like What we're gonna do.

Oh, I know we will. Thank you.

Bye.

Well, you happy?

Yes.

Mr. Douglas!

Eb, how many times...

Mr. Douglas, where The architect?

He left.

Doggone it.

I wanted to show him

How I wanted my room Fixed up into a bachelor pad.

What?

Got the idea from a magazine.

You know, the one that has a Girl in the center that unfolds.

Uh, what girl Unfolds in the center?

You would have to see The magazine to understand.

I want a real modern job

Where everything Works by pushbuttons.

Eb, all we're gonna Do is paint your room.

You ain't even gonna reframe My picture of hoot gibson?

No.

Just for that I ain't Gonna let you adopt me.

Look, I...

Don't call me son anymore.

I never...

I want my father To be a swinger.

Keep that up, I'll Start swinging.

Well, back to tobacco road west.

Darling, you ought to Do something nice for eb.

I did. I didn't fire him.

Yeah, fine, mr. Pinkley.

Yes, we'll expect you.

Uh, lisa!

What's the matter?

They're starting Tomorrow at 6:00...

He's so excitable.

Lisa.

Lisa, wake up. Listen.

What's the matter?

It's nice and quiet.

Yeah, but it's not Supposed to be.

They said they'd start At 6:00, it's almost 8:00.

I'll see your dime

And I'll raise you another dime.

Who's that?

Deal the cards.

It's deal the cards.

What the...

Oh, good morning, Are you mr. Douglas?

Yes, I am.

Well, I'm eli boone, Your contractor.

Uh, I'll see you a dime

And I'll raise you another dime.

Uh, mr. Boone. I'm not Paying you to play cards.

Why aren't you working?

My men won' t Cross the picket line.

What picket line?

Good mornin'.

Howdy doody.

What do you two Think you're doing?

You can't... Hello, Alf and ralph.

Oliver, why are you a fink?

'cause he hired another Crew to work on our bedroom.

Oh, that's why you're a fink.

I have a right to Hire anybody I want.

Well, sure you can. But they Won't cross our picket line.

Not until you negotiate with us.

I am not negotiating.

You hear that uncle eli?

Ok, everybody on the truck.

Hey, wait a minute.

You wanna negotiate? No.

See you, uncle eli.

Uh, h-hold it.

What do you fellas want?

We want a raise.

You're not getting a raise.

So long, uncle eli.

Come back, uncle eli.

He won't come back Till we get our raise.

Oliver, don't be a fink. Give them what they want.

I am not a fink.

I'll give you...

It's not enough.

We want $1.50 an hour.

Ok.

He wants $1.50 an hour.

I want $1.75.

You'll take $1.50 And that's final.

Why don't you give them $2?

$2?

We'll take it.

You'll take $1.50.

It's a deal.

You wanna seal it with a kiss?

No, I...

Just call your uncle back.

We'll have him here, First thing in the morning.

Well, so long.

Where are you going?

Going to town to Celebrate our new contract.

Keep walking.

Oliver. Oliver.

Do you remember the noise We didn't hear yesterday?

What? The...

We're not hearing It again today.

It's 7:30.

They're supposed To start at 6:00.

Oh!

Morning, mr. Douglas.

Well, who's picketing This morning?

Him.

Mornin'.

Mr. Haney. What are you...

Is your name oliver Wendell douglas?

Well, you know it is.

Just wanna make it official

So as I can present You with this injunction.

Injunction!

Ok, everybody on the truck.

Thanks, cousin eli.

Cousin!

What is this injunction?

Hold it.

That there is an injunction For you to cease and desist

Demolishing this Historical landmark.

Oh, what are you talking...

Mr. Boone!

Mr. Haney. What is this nonsense About a historical landmark?

Mr. Douglas, this happens To be the humble birthplace

Of a great man.

And I can't allow You to unhumble it.

What great man?

Rutherford b. Skrug. Our first governor

And the man after who This great state was named.

Skrug?

This isn't the state of skrug.

Well, it's not anymore.

They changed it after governor Skrug was elected president.

Of the united states?

Well, it wasn't called That in them days.

Come on. I don't Believe a word of it.

Well, then, I'll just Have to show you.

There you are.

"Birthplace of Rutherford b. Skrug

Founder of this great state"?

Kind of gives you Goosebumps, don't it?

Mr. Haney.

I had it covered

When I owned this Historical old monument.

Elsewise, the tourists would've Been swarming all over the place.

Oh.

Oliver. Oliver. Where Are the workmen?

They left. Mr. Haney Has got an injunction.

Well, if it's contagious, you shouldn't Be standing close to him, either.

That's a legal document to Keep you from tearing down

This historical landmark.

You... You mean we Can't do nothing to it?

Well, I didn't say that.

I'm sure that my uncle, "Landmark" haney,

He's the judge who issued that,

He'll be glad to forget it

If'n you was to hire a Historical monument architect

To redo it.

Like my cousin frank lloyd.

That's blackmail.

As practiced by Rutherford skrug,

The founder of Our great state...

You can forget it.

Rather than hire your cousin, I'll leave the place as it is.

You want me to help You pack, mrs. Douglas?

I'm not going anywhere.

Lisa.

You are my husband And I'm your wife.

And if somebody tries to do Something against my husband,

They'll also try to do Something against your wife.

Which is me.

Now, mr. Haney, you can Tell this to all your relatives.

And if you forget, Then remember this,

That I am staying, and You're going. Goodbye.

Mr. Douglas, You're to be envied.

Not only do you Have a wife like that,

But you're privileged to live

In rutherford skrug's Unretouched birthplace.

Oliver,

Why is it that every time I say

I'll go back to new york Unless you fix up this place,

I never go and you never fix it?

Well, it's... It's a privilege To live in a place like this.

This is part of america.

One of the worst parts.

Look at it this way.

I like it better where I Leave with the suitcases.

We're living in a Historical monument.

I don't want to live in A hysterical manumont.

Lisa.

Would you mind getting Me some coffee pots?

Lisa, rebuilding This place would be

Like fixing the crack In the liberty bell.

It would be like making a Motel out of mount vernon.

There are places that should be left... What's the matter with this cupboard?

What are you trying to do?

Open it!

Why didn't you Say so? It's simple.

Lisa.

If the pigeon can be happy Living here, why can't you?

I'm sorry, darling.

I guess I have to learn to Take the bitter with the better.

You're a good kid.

Only not in front of the pigeon.

Excuse us.

this has been a filmways Presentation, darling.