Original subtitles

♪ green acres is The place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

♪ new york is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ goodbye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

♪

♪

And 10 pounds of sugar.

And mom said would you Put that on her account?

I always do.

How are things at the Shady rest, betty jo?

Oh, pretty good. We're...

♪

Hi, mr. Drucker. Mrs. Douglas sent me for...

Hi.

Mrs. Douglas sent Me for a couple of...

For what?

I haven't seen You in a long time.

Mrs. Douglas sent Me for a can of, uh...

What, eb?

Uncle joe will pick Up the groceries later.

Bye, sam.

Bye.

Bye, eb.

It was nice talking to you.

She's gone.

Now what did mrs. Douglas send you for?

Who?

Mrs. Douglas, she Sent you for somethin'.

She did? Well, I'll tell her.

Eb!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Eb, for cryin' out loud!

I'll pick them up. I'll be back.

Betty jo sure is beautiful.

Well, it's that Time of year again.

Oh, eb, I've been Waiting for you.

Oliver, dinner is ready.

Did you get the sardines?

No, ma'am.

Dinner isn't ready.

Well, what did you tell...

Eb was supposed to Bring some sardines

And he didn't.

Why didn't you?

Why didn't I what?

Bring the sardines?

How can you talk about sardines

At a time like this?

What does that mean?

You're too old to understand.

Look...

I understand what you're Too old to understand.

Don't you recognize Love when you see it?

You mean duh is in love?

Uh-huh.

With what?

Oliver!

How do you know?

He's got all the simpsons.

He's got all the what?

Simpsons.

Like when the doctor told you

You had the simpsons For the veerus.

Oh, that new disease?

Yeah, yeah. Uh, did he cure me?

Yes, he gave you a subscription

For the pellasinamum.

Well, what's for supper?

I wonder who she is.

Lisa, I'm hungry.

I haven't had Anything to eat all day

But a couple of Pellasinamum pills.

You're not over the veerus?

Lisa, I'm starved. Some food.

All right.

H-how about some Chili con carne?

What happened to all the labels?

I took them all off so The cans would look neat.

How do you know They're chili con carne?

That's what mr. Drucker Had a sale on.

Would you open it please?

Lisa, they go to A lot of trouble

To put labels on these cans So that people will know...

This is dog food!

Oh, mr. Drucker had A sale on that, too.

Open this. I am sure what it is.

What is it?

Well, it's one of 2 things:

It's either chili con carne

Or dog food.

I want back to drucker's For the sardines.

Oh, thank goodness. Where are they?

Where's what?

The sardines.

Oh, I'll go to Drucker's and get some.

Never mind. Never mind.

Sit down, have something to eat.

You got a choice:

Chili con carne or dog food.

I ain't hungry.

Who is she, eb?

Betty jo bradley.

Oh, uh, one of mrs. Bradley's daughters.

Her youngest and prettiest.

She's beautiful.

Yeah. She's got a face

That would make any Man forget his sardines.

You have a very Romantic way of putting it.

You and betty jo Grew up together.

What took you so long To forget your sardines?

Well, when I walked Into the store

A little while ago and saw her,

It suddenly hit me.

She was no longer betty jo,

The utility infielder for The hooterville hawks.

She had suddenly blossomed

Into a beautiful young woman.

And now that I've blossomed Into a beautiful young man,

I figured we ought To blossom together.

Brother.

Mr. Douglas, you know I always Kind of think of you as a father and...

Well, can I ask you a Father-son type of question?

Um, well...

Do you think I'm too Young to, um, get married?

Not physically.

Married?

You mean you proposed to her?

How could I? I've Never been out with her.

Why not?

She never asked me.

You're supposed to Ask her for the date.

I'm too shy.

Would you ask her for me?

You're not supposed To send somebody else

To ask a thing Like that for you.

You did.

When?

That time in paris, At the restaurant.

You sat at one table And I sat at the other.

And you sent the waiter Over to ask me for a dance.

He was a pretty good Dancer for a waiter.

The first time I Asked you for a date

Was on board ship. I Remember distinctly

You were sitting In a steamer chair,

Aloof and haughty.

I girded up my loins And I came over.

Uh, excuse me, uh, Is this chair taken?

No. Oh, thank you.

Well, that's why it's not taken.

That stupid steamship company!

Why don't they have Stronger chairs?

A man could hurt himself in...

I'll tell my father. He owns the ship.

He owns the...

Yes, he worked his way Up from a duck in a bathtub.

Uh, what are you reading?

who's who. you in this?

Oh, I'm afraid not.

Aren't you a who's?

No.

We've been out At sea for 3 days.

How come I never saw you?

I'm not in first Class, you know.

I... I sneaked up here.

Oh.

Are you in 2nd class? No.

3rd? No.

Parcel post?

I play in the ship's band.

What instrument do you play?

The guitar.

Uh, uh, do you Know a louder song?

Uh, no, I'm really not a Professional musician.

I'm working my way back home.

I open my law Practice in the fall.

If you need any Legal advice, why, uh...

There, my card.

"Oliver wendell douglas."

Oh, there are 3 Of you in the firm?

No, that's all me. Um,

Oliver wendell douglas.

Well, it's been nice Talking to all of you.

Oh, wait a second.

Uh, uh, look, I know This is presumptuous,

We just met,

But could I see you again When the ship gets to new york?

Oh, I'm afraid not.

Oh, why?

Why? This ship is Going to europe.

Europe, I...

No, I got on at...

No, this ship's Going to new york.

That's impossible.

I don't have a Round-trip ticket.

Well, wherever this ship goes,

Could I see you?

See me what?

Could we have a date?

Yes. Well, why Don't you call me?

Thank you.

Good night.

Um, uh, could I walk You to your cabin?

Yes.

See, eb? How easy it was.

It don't sound easy to me.

First, I have to learn How to play a guitar,

Get a job on a boat...

Eb, if you want a Date with betty jo,

Go over to the shady Rest hotel and ask her.

But if she turns me down?

Don't be afraid, eb.

Do what mr. Douglas did.

Gurgle your lions and ask her.

Gurgle?

You do that.

Hi, eb.

Uh, is this seat taken?

No.

Thanks.

What's the matter?

It didn't break.

Wh-why should it break?

It did for mr. Douglas.

Huh?

What are you readin'?

History.

You ever read who's who?

No.

Doggone, this ain't workin' Out the way it should.

So long.

Wait a second. What's The matter with you?

Well, I came over to Ask you for a date,

But you're makin' it impossible.

You haven't asked me.

Would you? Sure.

I'll pick you up at 8:00 saturday night.

That is if you don't Mind going out

With a fellow with A swollen beak.

Are you all right?

Fine.

Did you hurt your leg?

No, I always limp When I'm happy.

Who's that?

It's me, mr. Douglas.

Can I come in? It's important.

Yes, come in.

What's the matter?

I can't sleep.

I'm worried about betty jo.

Well, what are You worried about?

I thought you had A date with her.

I did, I just don't know Where to take her.

You woke us up to ask us that?

You got any suggestions?

Yes, why don't you...

Oliver!

Why don't you ask her Where she wants to go?

Oh, I never thought Of that. Thanks a lot.

Hold it.

Don't ask her.

Why not?

I wouldn't want you to get Trapped on your first date

Like I was with, um, ahem.

That's going to take a Little explanation, alfred.

Yeah, let's hear it, al.

Well, eb,

Every unattached female Has got some fancy place

She's always wanted To go to, you know.

A nightclub, a restaurant, Something like that.

So she waits until some Unsuspecting sucker comes along

Who utters the magic words, "Where would you like to go?"

And then, pow!

Right in the pocketbook.

Now, put that under your Pillow and sleep on it, huh?

Yes, sir.

Wait a moment.

There won't be any Sleeping here tonight.

What are you talking about?

We just don't toss Those gems around

And expect them to Wash up on the shore

With oil on them.

Well, I don't want the boy

To squander his life's savings

On his first date.

The way I did just Because I made the mistake

Of asking you where you Wanted to have dinner.

When you asked Me, I said anywhere.

Yes. And when we Got into the cab,

You gave the driver The address of that

Continental clip Joint on 58th street.

Paris on the half shell, Or whatever it was called.

It was called the Lichtenstein luau.

Yeah.

How could I have forgotten That? The prices they charged.

I should've walked out

the minute I saw That headwaiter.

Good evening, Madam. Good evening.

And monsieur.

May I help you?

Uh, yes, could we Have a table for two,

Near the window, please?

You have a reservation?

No, but, uh...

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

As you can see, We are all filled up.

But there's nobody, uh...

They are all reserved.

Well, couldn't you Squeeze us in somewhere?

Let me see.

Maybe I could, uh...

It is possible I might...

Follow me, mr. Rockefeller.

How will this be?

There's no table.

Uh, couldn't we get a better...

Well, this is fine. Oh, thank you.

This is very romantical.

Hey, we don't have a candle.

Uh, uh, captain.

Yes, sir.

Could we have a Candle, too, please?

Very good, sir.

Cigars, cigarettes. Candles?

You mean you have To buy the candle?

Oh! This is a pretty one.

Yes, ma'am.

That'll be $3, sir.

$3?

Well that's highway robbery.

Uh, here's $5.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Oh, you overtipped her.

Well, I didn't mean to. I...

Well, you wanted a candle and...

You're very beautiful. I just...

Uh. Hey, captain.

Yes, sir.

The table's wobbly, could you...

I'm sorry, sir. I will fix it.

Thank you. Thank you.

Yeah. I was saying,

You have such beautiful eyes...

There you are, sir.

Get it from the cigarette girl.

Well, where was I?

Oh, yes.

Uh, the first time I Saw you on shipboard,

I said to myself...

One chateaubriand!

Why don't you...

What did you say to yourself?

I said...

May I have your Cocktail order, please?

Uh, yes. W-what... W-what would you like?

Champagne?

Champagne?

Uh, wait, I didn't Order champagne.

The lady said champagne.

Oh.

At least you could have Asked me what kind I wanted.

We only serve one kind, Sir. chateau bouffant.

It's the very best.

You're terribly extravagant.

Well, I didn't...

Well, what shall we drink to?

How about...

One lobster newburg.

Will you please...

Why don't you have Another glass of champagne?

Uh, yes. Uh, could I have Some more champagne, please?

There you are, sir.

Why did you order Another bottle?

We didn't drink The first one yet.

I... I didn't order...

Will you light the Candle, please?

I'll get a match, sir.

You certainly are a big spender.

Well... Well, when you're out With a gorgeous girl like you,

Money is no object. You see,

I've been out with a Lot of girls in my time,

But I've never met Anybody quite like...

2 wiener schnitzels.

Will you be more care...

Every time you go Through that door,

You nearly knock Me off my chair.

As I was saying... My nose is on fire!

Oh, my goodness.

What did you do that for?

Well, you said your Nose was on fire.

Why did you throw the champagne?

At $28 a bottle,

That was the most Expensive night I ever had.

Oliver, you Exaggerated that story.

Not much.

Eb, you take my advice.

You take betty jo to some Place you know you can afford.

Thanks for the advice, dad.

Don't call me...

Good night.

Uh, now that your son is gone,

Shall we get back to the Lichtenstein luau incident?

Good night.

Where would you like to Go saturday night, betty jo?

Well, wherever you want.

No. Where you want.

How about the bijou?

And afterward we can have A hamburger at the diner.

Great, we'll go to The football rally

And then for a bike ride.

Eb, I... I said the bijou.

I know what you said,

But I was told not to Pay any attention to you.

What?

I know how girls are.

They steer you to a clip joint

And then order Candles and champagne.

If you'd rather not Go out saturday night,

Just forget it.

Betty jo!

Doggone it!

Hello, mrs. Douglas.

Oh, hello, eb.

Eb, where have you been?

You're supposed to Be milking eleanor.

I was over at betty jo's.

Where are you going to Take her saturday night?

Nowhere. Thanks to you.

What?

A fine father you are.

I am not your father.

I'm glad.

The kind of advice you Give your son, which I'm not,

And I don't intend to be.

What happened, eb?

Well, she said she Wanted to go someplace,

So I said we're going Someplace else.

I told her she wasn't Gonna steer me

Into any $3-a-candle clip joint.

You told her what?

That's what you said to do.

No, I didn't mean you should...

She called our date off.

Boy, you sure know how To break up a romance.

If mr. Douglas broke it Up, he's going to fix it up.

I'll fix it up?

Thank you. I'm proud To be your son again.

Look, I didn't say I'd...

Oh!

I'm sorry, eleanor, It was an accident.

Oliver, you've got To do it for the boy.

I am not going to do...

You want me to cry In front of eleanor?

All right. I'll talk to her.

You see, I was trying to tell eb

About my wife steering me

Into this clip joint On our first date.

Well, no, she didn't Really steer me, she...

But eb was afraid You night steer him...

Look, what I'm trying to say is

Please, will you Change your mind

About the date saturday night?

Well... Say you'll go.

All right.

Mom. Mom!

Chick-chick.

Hiya, honey.

Oh, hello, darling.

Where were you all afternoon?

At the shady rest hotel.

Oh, well, what took you so long?

Oh, I was trying to Explain to mrs. Bradley

That it was all a mistake.

She thought I was Trying to date betty jo.

You trying to date betty jo?

No.

Then why did mrs. Bradley think you did?

Because bobbie jo overheard me

Ask betty jo for a date.

Then you did ask her.

Yes, for you.

How'd I make out?

It's all settled.

Oh boy, where are we going?

Mrs. Bradley suggested

A dance at the pixley Elk's club. I said...

I'm going dancing with betty jo.

You did it again.

What?

I can't dance.

Oh! For crying out loud.

Well, that's easy.

Would you teach me?

No, but mr. Douglas will.

Me?

Well, I can only Dance like a girl.

So you've got to teach Him how to dance like a boy.

What do we do first?

I am not about to teach...

Then you better go and tell Them the date's off. I can't dance.

I'm not going...

Do you know the box step?

What's that?

Well, you put your left foot out

And you bring up your right foot

And you come over like this And back like that, huh? Try that.

No, no, no, no.

Follow me. Now,

A 1, 2, 3.

1, 2, 3.1...

Watch it, you, clumsy...

I'm not getting any Message from you.

Eb, close your eyes And make believe

That you're dancing With betty jo.

I'll try, but it won't be easy.

Once more.

A 1, 2, 3. A 1, 2, 3.

1, 2, 3.1, 2, 3.

1, 2, 3.1, 2, 3.

♪

Eb, you dance divinely.

Thank you, betty jo.

Oh. Sorry.

No, it was my fault.

Oh, it was mine.

Then watch it.

Eb, you're wasting your Time working for mr. Douglas.

You should be on the stage.

♪

Eb?

♪

Would you mind telling me

What you think you're doing?

Oh, mr. Douglas!

That was very good, eb.

Help me up.

Oh, darling.

Oh.

What do you think, mr. Douglas?

I think you should Give up dancing.

No. He'll learn.

He's got till saturday night.

Well, folks, what do you think?

Ah, you look very handsome.

Think I'll sweep Betty jo off her feet?

Oh, you're a real sweeper.

Now, remember Everything I told you.

Yes, ma'am.

Be sure to hold the Door open for her,

Let her go through first,

Let her sit down Before I sit down,

Pay for both tickets even if She offers to pay for her own,

And no necking.

Lisa, did you tell him...

No, mrs. Bradley Threw that one in.

Have a good time, eb.

Thank you.

And thanks for Lettin' me have the car.

Oh, wait a minute. Here, I've got something for you.

Roses for me. Then you do care.

They're for betty jo.

I was in pixley and I thought I'd buy...

Well, I knew you wouldn't Have sense enough to buy them.

Women are soft Touches for flowers.

We're... We're very romantical.

Gee, sometimes it's hard for me

To realize that you two Are as old as you are.

Look, eb...

Well, have a good time, eb.

Thank you. Good night.

That was very sweet of You to get those roses.

Well, he needs all The help he can get.

I guess that's why I love you.

You're always hollering,

But underneath,

You have a soft Spot in your head.

Heart.

There, too.

Come on. Let's do the dishes.

Darling, would You please unzip me?

Oh, sure, sure.

Come in.

Eb.

Eb, what are you doing home?

You just left a Half an hour ago.

The date is off.

Oh. What happened?

Well, I went over To the shady rest

To call for betty jo

And I handed her the flowers.

A and the next thing I knew She had tears in her eyes.

Tears?

Yeah, then she started to sneeze

And her eyes swelled up.

What?

She's allergic to roses.

Mr. Douglas, you did it again.

Well, it could be worse.

She could be Allergic to diamonds.

this has been a filmways Presentation, darling.